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Healing Relationship Wounds

Bear Psychology Podcast

Release Date: 09/16/2019

#BlackLivesMatter: The Courage to Speak Out show art #BlackLivesMatter: The Courage to Speak Out

Bear Psychology Podcast

In this episode we pay attention to the deep and traumatic roots of Black Lives Matter and unpack the layers of how to respond effectively as individuals and within communities. I dialogue with mental health professional, Ornge trauma team lead and anti-racism trainer, Tom Walker. After the murder of George Floyd the public outcry continues to be a powerful voice that is awakening the world to the injustice of systemic racism that so many have turned their backs on for too long.   At this critical moment while witnessing continued acts of social...

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Our Shadow and the Unconscious Mind show art Our Shadow and the Unconscious Mind

Bear Psychology Podcast

"The most terrifying thing is to accept yourself fully" – Carl Jung We'll start by recognizing that we are much more than the surface image we present to others while at the same time exploring why for many, we guard our interior world so very carefully, in fear that others will see us for who we really are. It begs the question – Who and what are we really guarding from others, and why? We will discuss what happens when these facades break down, and what we can see more clearly. By breaking down barriers within ourselves we...

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Pain, Power & the Purpose of Lies show art Pain, Power & the Purpose of Lies

Bear Psychology Podcast

We have all lied at some point, and have likely been hurt by others lying to us. Wonder why do we all do it? Why do some people lie compulsively? Have you ever felt a need to lie to pretend things are better than they are or even to gain power or protection? Have you ever felt ashamed of believing a liar or have been badly injured as a result? We have all been there! Let's talk about this complex issue and explore the Pain, Power and Purposes of Lies. We will discuss the motivation and consequences of lying; how to...

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Frontline Heroes in the COVID Pandemic show art Frontline Heroes in the COVID Pandemic

Bear Psychology Podcast

We addressed the impact on first responders/front line workers everywhere with two experts Dr. Brad Lindell of NC-CM and AAETS (  ) and Daniel McGuire of CISM Perspectives ().   These include emergency room staff, doctors, nurses, clinicians, mental health practitioners, pharmacy staff, grocery staff, those still serving food/drinks, maintenance people, construction workers, and all the people out there showing up to help us continue to function, live, and deal with the demands of this world right now. This is an incredibly demanding time, those on the front line are...

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Your Life in this new COVID World show art Your Life in this new COVID World

Bear Psychology Podcast

How are you managing in this new COVID World? "the hope that something good can come out of this collective state of "together, apart."– , Mar 19, 2020 Things have changed so rapidly that everyday life seems like "a surreal life". I walk to work and the streets are empty, I enter my building and no one is in the elevator. I arrive at my floor, open my file cabinet and begin to see clients – although now, every interaction I have is online or by phone. I cancelled all my social plans and now I have Video Zoom dinner parties, visit with friends and family by phone and email, text and...

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What is loneliness: Why is it so bad now? show art What is loneliness: Why is it so bad now?

Bear Psychology Podcast

What is loneliness: Why is it so bad now? In the age of technology, we are more connected than ever, so why do many people still struggle with loneliness? First, let’s define loneliness. Loneliness is need of human connection but not being able to have it. It is a subjective experience and is not the consequence of being physically alone. If you feel lonely, you are lonely. Loneliness occurs when someone perceives their relationships as not fulfilling their social needs. Dr. Andrew Wister from Simon Fraser University believes social media may be partly fueling...

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Setting Yourself Up for Success show art Setting Yourself Up for Success

Bear Psychology Podcast

Setting Yourself Up for Success “We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act but a habit” – Will Durant The year 2020 is upon us and it marks the end of the decade. Millions of New Year’s resolutions will be made; however, the  success rate shows we just don’t know how to stick with them. We want to share with you the psychology behind starting new habits, changing old habits, and staying motivated. Think of this as your toolkit for setting yourself up for success – not just in January, but every day! Making behavioral changes: Habits are...

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Holiday Stress and Overspending show art Holiday Stress and Overspending

Bear Psychology Podcast

Holidays can be a stressful time of year. There is pressure to make the perfect dinner, give a great gift, spend time with family members you don’t see frequently, and plan fun family festivities. All of this can leave you feeling stressed, depressed, lonely, fatigued, and underappreciated. The holiday blues is a term that accurately describes the mixture of unpleasant emotions one feels over the course of a seemingly joyous time. Not only can the holidays leave you feeling depleted, you may also be left with an depleted bank account. All too often families feel the need to impress one...

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What is Happiness: How to Pursue it show art What is Happiness: How to Pursue it

Bear Psychology Podcast

Happiness is something many of us strive for using all the wrong approaches. We distract ourselves looking for the next big excitement, numb ourselves so we won’t feel emotional pain, seek pleasure in purchases, chase status in position or gaining influence or power and treat ourselves with food that we are not hungry for. Anyone who has achieved fame, fortune, status eventually recognizes that more things and more fame do not create any sense of lasting happiness. So what is happiness and does it make any sense to chase it down? I have certainly...

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Addictions: What we can do show art Addictions: What we can do

Bear Psychology Podcast

What is Addiction? Did you know that in the United States alone,  people ages 12 and older abuse or are addicted to nicotine, alcohol, or other drugs? The percentage among the Canadian population is similar. Addiction is a disease that’s usually chronic in nature. It affects how the brain and body function, and it’s characterized by compulsive, or uncontrollable, drug seeking and use even in the face of harmful consequences. Addiction causes changes in the brain, which can be long-lasting and lead to harmful behaviours. Drug addiction is also characterised as a relapsing...

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More Episodes
Core Relational Blueprints Are Affected by Traumatic Events

Have you noticed that traumatic events, like a physical injury, emotional threat, the loss of a loved one, or a life crisis, can often awaken or enhance your sense of fear, anger, isolation, or helplessness?

Dr. Diane Poole Heller, an expert in the field of Adult Attachment Theory and Models, trauma resolution, and integrative healing techniques explained that you develop an attachment style in your earliest years which follows you through life, replaying in your intimate relationships, from your lovers to your children to your work relationships. However, your core relational blueprint can be deeply affected by traumatic events.

Often traumatic events cause three styles of insecure attachment—Avoidant, Ambivalent, and Disorganized. But there is an ideal fourth style known as Secure attachment

Fortunately, Dr. Poole Heller firmly believes that we’re hardwired to heal. “As we heal and move toward Secure attachment, we become aware of triggers and patterns in our relationships. Our nervous system learns to be more regulated. Things don’t throw us off so easily. And we open our capacity to love and experience greater compassion,” she said in her in-depth audio program, “Healing Your Attachment Wounds: How to Create Deep and Lasting Intimate Relationships.”

Other experts, such as psychiatrist and neuroscientist Amir Levine and psychologist Rachel S. F. Heller, authors of Attached: the new science of adult attachment also look into the science behind love by studying attachment theory. Heller and Levine believe that there’s a 25% chance that each attachment style can be changed within four years.
 
Recognizing Your Attachment Style
When you identify your attachment style, you are more inclined to understand when this style of attachment is responsible for your behavior in your relationships. By learning about your attachment style and exploring the trauma that led you to this style of attachment, you’ll begin to see the reason for your previously unexplained behaviors.

Often, attaching the name – Avoidant, Ambivalent, Secure, or Disorganized – will empower you to move toward growth and change. Attachment styles form as a method of survival during childhood and traumatic experiences – but you have the power to heal.

Moving Toward Secure Attachment
One of the best ways to heal relationship wounds is to practice Secure Attachment. In fact, Dr. Poole Heller states that practicing Secure Attachment behaviors actually forms new neural pathways in your brain. So, you can create deep and lasting relationships by implementing attachment-based practices into how you relate to those you love.

Video Resources:
 
Healing Attachment Wounds: https://youtu.be/DSyNv9CzSl0

Attached – explainer: https://youtu.be/-47gAh9S-Fw?t=10

Attachment Styles: https://youtu.be/23ePqRkOKtg?t=62

References:

Diane Poole Heller on “Healing your attachment wounds” – https://dianepooleheller.com/

“Attached: the New science of Adult Attachment” by Levine & Heller & Terry Real https://www.avaiya.com/breaking-free/terry-real-1/
 
Radio show was aired on Realityradio101.com on Thursday, August  29, 2019 at 1 pm EDT