"ASAP: As Slow As Possible"
The Wellness Compass Podcast
What follows is the Weekly Wellness Column which we send out by email each Friday on the same topic as our weekly podcast. ASAP: As Slow As Possible As we prepare to transition to summer, many people look forward to two things: more time outdoors and a slower rhythm of life. If you are a regular reader/listener of our weekly column and podcast, you know we take a break from producing this content between Memorial Day and Labor Day. We do this so that we, too, can spend more time outdoors and live our lives at a slower pace. When we recently came across several creative versions of the...
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"Let’s Normalize Conversations with One Another about Our Mental Health"
The Wellness Compass Podcast
What follows is the Weekly Wellness Column which we send out by email each Friday on the same topic as our weekly podcast. Let’s Normalize Conversations with One Another about Our Mental Health You may have heard that May is Mental Health Awareness Month. In honor of that, we thought it would be helpful to offer two simple yet powerful ways we can all help reduce the stigma of talking about mental health. Suggestion One: Let’s normalize talking about our emotional pain, just like we do with physical pain. Feeling sad or anxious during a difficult time in life is as...
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"The Wisdom of Momisms," May 9, 2025
The Wellness Compass Podcast
What follows is the Weekly Wellness Column which we send out by email each Friday on the same topic as our weekly podcast. THE WISDOM OF MOMISMS It's been a few years since we shared some of the wise advice that mothers, grandmothers, aunts, and other women we have all been blessed to know have shared with us throughout our lives. We call these wise, pithy sayings Momisms. Here are a few of our favorites, and because this is a wellness column, we also share ways these words of advice apply to various aspects of well-being. "I'm not interested in who started it!" The...
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"Lessons Learned From a Mindfulness Jar," May 2, 2025
The Wellness Compass Podcast
What follows is the Weekly Wellness Column which we send out by email each Friday on the same topic as our weekly podcast. Lessons Learned From a Mindfulness Jar We both have mindfulness jars on our desks and use them regularly in our coaching practices. And Holly used to use hers in her previous career as a grade school teacher. They are helpful in so many situations. And you can easily make one for yourself—do a quick online search, and you will find many suggestions. If the concept of a mindfulness jar is new to you, here's a short description. A...
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"Wellness Begins with We," April 18, 2025
The Wellness Compass Podcast
What follows is the Weekly Wellness Compass Column for this week. Each podcast episode addresses the same theme as the column. Wellness Begins with We Passover and Easter overlap again this year, allowing us to reflect on the power of these celebrations for hundreds of millions of people worldwide. The celebrations connected to these holy days, as with the celebrations of all religious holy days, are grounded in bringing people together. While individual beliefs and practices are important, the gathering of community is primary, a practice as old as human civilization. And...
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"In-Between Times," April 11, 2025
The Wellness Compass Podcast
What follows is our Weekly Wellness Column, which is emailed every Friday morning and addresses the same topic as each week's podcast episode. In-Between Times Life is filled with clear beginnings and endings. As wonderful and/or sad as these times may be, the majority of life is filled with in-between times. These are the spaces where we are neither where we were, nor where we are going—just like spring here in Wisconsin, still cold and windy, yet sunny and the snow is gone, so it's neither fully winter nor spring. It's more of an in-between time. These in-between times can be...
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"Well Connected," April 4, 2025
The Wellness Compass Podcast
What follows is our Weekly Wellness Column which is emailed every Friday morning and addresses the same topic as each week's podcast episode. Well Connected We recently came across an extended quote from Albert Einstein that we would like to share with you today. “A human being is a part of the whole, called by us the ‘Universe,’ a part limited in time and space. We experience ourselves, our thoughts and feelings as something separated from the rest — a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to...
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"The Benefits of Turning Over the Soil," March 28, 2025
The Wellness Compass Podcast
Turning Over the Soil Wisconsin is known for it many Rails to Trails bike paths. Converting former rail lines to bike trails gives a safe (and flat) way to explore the countryside on two wheels. We ride these trails regularly and were delighted to get out for our first ride of the year this week. Wisconsin is also known for its abundant and fertile farmland. On our ride, we saw many farmers on their tractors plowing and turning over their soil as they prepared for planting season. And because we love to think in metaphors, we both agreed that turning over the soil from time to...
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"Hope Springs Eternal," March 21, 2025
The Wellness Compass Podcast
What follows is our Weekly Wellness Column which is emailed every Friday morning and addresses the same topic as each week's podcast episode. Hope Springs Eternal Yesterday marked the first day of spring. In Wisconsin, where we live, it was more a day of hope than one of actual warmth. As we watched two determined golfers tee off on a course still dusted with snow, we couldn’t help but think of the timeless words of English poet Alexander Pope, written in 1733: “Hope springs eternal in the human breast.” His words capture the enduring optimism that keeps us looking ahead,...
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Making Time for Joy, March 14, 2025
The Wellness Compass Podcast
What follows is our weekly Wellness Compass column. This column is sent out by email each Friday, and our podcast each week addresses the same topic as the column. Making Time for Joy We both started music lessons a few weeks ago for instruments that are new for each of us. Holly is taking ukulesle lessons, and Scott is taking bluegrass fiddle lessons. We had been saying we were going to do this for a long time, and now that we are enjoying it so much, we wonder why we waited so long. Making time for the lessons and practicing has reminded us how much fun making music is and how...
info_outlineWhat follows is the weekly column that Wellness Compass sends out each week. The column is a companion to this weekly podcast. You can subsribe to our column at our WellnessCompass.org website.
Are You Seeking Comfort or Solutions?
This week, we have a simple yet very effective tip regarding communication in our relationships.
When a person is talking to you about something that is upsetting them, discern within yourself whether they are seeking comfort or solutions. Typically, the more emotionally upset they are, the more they are seeking and needing comfort. If you are not sure, the best thing to do is ask. While this sounds simple, it is often difficult to remember to put into practice.
When we offer advice or try to fix a problem that another person is having, and that is not what they are seeking, such advice will almost always result in further hurt and anger, as they are probably emotionally flooded. The "helper" often tries to recover by saying, "I was just trying to help," and may now feel hurt and angry as well. If their intention to help had been guided by the question, "Are they seeking comfort or solutions?" they likely would have fared better.
In general, we will never regret offering comforting responses, such as, "I'm so sorry this is happening," "I see why you are so upset," "I've got your back," or "I am here for you any time you need to talk." If we start with offering comfort, and then the person wants advice at some point, they will more likely feel safe asking for it. If, on the other hand, we begin by providing solutions, we may not ever get the chance to truly offer comfort as the person may now be even more upset.
The "fix-it" response may seem wise as we may think we know exactly what the person needs to do-- and after all, isn't that the best thing we can offer? No, it's not—not if the person isn't wanting advice.
We can also apply this wisdom of asking for comfort rather than solutions to guide our talking with others when we are upset. Rather than merely hoping and assuming that the other person knows what we need, it's good practice actually to let them know. "I have something I need to talk about right now, and just to be clear, I am not looking for advice or solutions. I simply need someone to listen to my feelings and frustration right now," might be a good way to start.
Making it Personal: As you go through your weeks, watch for opportunities to practice deciding if you or another needs comfort or solutions in times of stress, and let us know how it goes.