Episode 42- 10 Ways to Have Better Sex Part 4
A Beautiful Adventure Marriage
On this episode we are wrapping up our conversation on the importance of sex in marriage. We have dove into this topic and have explored things you or your spouse could be doing to harm your sex life and ways you both can make it better. Let's look at two more tips before we go. Do Not Watch Porn Porn is extremely dangerous to a marriage. It will in no way unite you and your spouse. Porn will only cause division and other issues. For more information about the dangers of porn check out Mark Gungor. Create A Sex Bucket List Our last tip is to create a sex bucket list. Sit...
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Episode 41- 10 Ways to Have Better Sex Part 3
A Beautiful Adventure Marriage
With this episode we are continuing the conversation on ways to improve your sex life. So far we have given you five ways to grow your intimacy. Spend Quality Time Together Talk About It Please and Be Pleased Don't Rely on Your Mood Don't Overlook the Quickie Let's dive into the next three. Get Creative Don’t just do the same old things in the same old places. Have sex in a different room, or a different place altogether. Roleplay and dress up. Remember we said you should talk about sex with your spouse? Ask them what one of their fantasies is, and make it a reality. There is no reason for...
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Episode 40- 10 Ways to Have Better Sex Part 2
A Beautiful Adventure Marriage
God’s plan for sex in marriage is one of enduring intimacy. He created sex as a good gift to be enjoyed within the confines of marriage. Biblically it should be the married couples having the wild and amazing sex, not the single people. In our last episode, we gave you two ways to start having better sex, let’s pick back up that discussion. Please And Be Pleased Once you know what your spouse likes, do it. Sex is not about being selfish. Make your spouse and their pleasure your focus. There is something very gratifying when we stop trying to be fulfilled and focus on...
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Episode 39- 10 Ways to Have Better Sex Part 1
A Beautiful Adventure Marriage
10 Ways to Have Better Sex Teaser: On our last three podcasts, we discussed 10 things that could damage your intimacy with your spouse. We dealt with the problem first because if you try to fix something without dealing with the problem, you will only have a big problem in the end. In the next few episodes we will be discussing 10 things you can do to help improve your sex life. So let’s dive in. 10 Ways to Have Better Sex Spending Quality Time Together Sex should not be the only time you attempt to spend with your spouse. Find out what interests them and share that with them. Find...
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Episode 38- Sex Life Killers Part 3
A Beautiful Adventure Marriage
Last week we gave you more things that could be damaging or even killing your sex life. Your sex life is such an important part of your marriage and should be thriving not dying. On our last two episodes we talked about... Distractions Constantly shutting down your spouse Critical Words Body Image Comparison Being Too Busy Poor Routine Let's look at a few more things that could be hindering your sex life. Getting Too Comfortable I love the fact that I am comfortable being myself in my marriage. That is one of the many facets of marriage. It is a place to be loved unconditionally, even...
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Episode 37- Sex Life Killers Part 2
A Beautiful Adventure Marriage
Sex Life Killers Part 2 Last week we gave you three things that could be damaging or even killing your sex life. Your sex life is such an important part of your marriage and should be thriving not dying. On our last episode we talked about... Distractions Constantly shutting down your spouse Critical Words Let's look at a few more things that could be hindering your sex life. Comparison Comparison is a relationship killer in general. It has the ability to take a person who has so much and make them believe they have nothing. Comparison always leaves you feeling...
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Episode 36- Sex Life Killers Part 1
A Beautiful Adventure Marriage
Sex is a great thing! Most people spend the majority of their single lives trying to get as much of it as possible. But there is a problem that can happen in marriage… Once married, you can have sex all you want…but for many people and for many different reasons sex stops… join us as we talk about the things that can kill off a good sex life. What the Word Says about Sex in Marriage Your spring water is for you and you only, not to be passed around among strangers. Bless your fresh-flowing fountain! Enjoy the wife you married as a young man! Lovely as an angel, beautiful as a...
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Episode 35- Sex and Marriage
A Beautiful Adventure Marriage
Sex and Marriage Talking about sex can be tricky. It is easy for this topic to become awkward, silly, or even inappropriate. We don’t want that to happen here. We do however want to stress how important sex is in a marriage. Marriage is to be held in honor among all [that is, regarded as something of great value], and the marriage bed undefiled [by immorality or by any sexual sin]; for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous. Hebrews 13:4 Amplified Version Sex is a good thing when it is kept in the marriage relationship. Sex has many purposes but one of those purposes...
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Episode 34- The 4 Step Marriage Plan
A Beautiful Adventure Marriage
John J. Beckley once said, “Most people don’t plan to fail, they fail to plan.” This can be applied to every area of life. No one wakes up in the morning and plans to fail. Every marriage has dreams and goals. The problems come when we fail to make a plan to make those dreams and goals a reality. Without a plan with intentional steps, most if not all, dreams and goals will go unaccomplished, and we don’t want that to happen in your marriage. Join us for this episode as we give you a 4 Step Marriage Plan to help accomplish your goals and dreams. 4 Steps to Create a Marriage Plan Dream...
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Episode 33- 10 Commandments for Blended Families with Joel Hawbaker
A Beautiful Adventure Marriage
The 10 Commandments for Blended Families In the same way Jesus summarized the law and the prophets in two great commandments, so the 10CBF can be summarized in what I call the 2 Pillars: 1. Be the adult you want your child(ren) to become. 2. Remember the Golden Rule and treat others the way you want to be treated. I. Communicate Well - Over communicate with all adults involved: choose a format/technology that works, and use it. When in doubt, communicate about it. II. Always Show Respect - Be respectful, calm, and patient with everyone involved, even if you’re the only one...
info_outlineThe No Complaining Rule
Complaining is soomething everyone on the planet does. Although everyone may be doing it, this is something that can impact you, your marriage, and the people around you in a very negative way.
The Problem With Complaining
And at a glance, complaining appears harmless– it’s just a way to vent.
However, complaining can do alot of damage.
It makes you constantly aware of the negative. That, in turn, affects your mind and emotions which not only changes you personally, but professionally as well. It doesn’t stop there. It can then affect your immune system, which could lead to health problems. If that wasn’t enough negativity and complaining are contagious. Other people catch “the bug” and the cycle begins in their lives as well.
Complaining In Marriage
Then, there is your marriage. It is the one thing that probably suffers the most. Your spouse probably gets the majority of the complaining and negativity. Even if it is not geared at them directly, they will be affected by it.
The No Complaining Rule
If complaining is a problem for you, we recommend Jon Gordon's book, "The No Complaining Rule." We are going to break down some of his steps below but it is a fantastic book.
The No Complaining Rule is pretty simple – you don’t complain. But as I am sure you already know, just because something is simple, does not make it easy to do.
Do not let unwholesome [foul, profane, worthless, vulgar] words ever come out of your mouth, but only such speech as is good for building up others, according to the need and the occasion, so that it will be a blessing to those who hear [you speak]. – Ephesians 4:29
But again, knowing something and doing it are two very different things. Luckily Jon breaks down this rule in 3 steps that are easy to follow.
The “But, [Positive]” Technique
Complaining always starts with a negative thought. If we can change our thoughts, we can change the way we speak. When a negative thought pops into your head, add “BUT,” then change it to a positive. For example:
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My spouse never helps me around the house BUT they are a hard worker and they provide for our family
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My spouse is always distracted BUT they are taking care of the children and managing our house well
These negative thoughts may be the truth, but by adding the positive thought, we can appreciate our spouses for their good qualities. Instead of just complaining about the bad, we can be proactive in building up our spouse like Ephesians 4:29 encourages us to do.
Focus On The “Get To” Instead Of The “Have To”
How many times a day have we used the phrase “I have to…?”
“I have to go to work today. I have to go get groceries. I have to clean the house.”
By changing the phrase “I have to” into “I get to” changes our perspective from negative to positive.
So some examples of this would be…
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I get to go to work today, and I am thankful to have a job that supports me and my family
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I get to go buy groceries today and I am thankful we will have food on the table
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I get to clean this house and I am thankful for a safe and welcoming place that I can call mine
Turn Complaints Into Solutions
Not all complaining is bad. There are always things that genuinely need changing and that is especially true in marriage. Marriage is a journey, not a destination. You and your spouse grow as the years go by, but how do we use complaining in a positive way?
Jon Gordon calls positive complaining “justified complaining.” This type of complaining identifies a problem, but only to help provide an opportunity to move in the direction of a solution.
Justified complaining says, “Yes, we have a problem, now how can we fix it?” – it’s proactive.
Bonus tip! Make it fun!
Will you mess up and complain? Sure. But hold each other accountable and find ways to make it fun.
Include your children and make it a game.
Celebrate when someone makes it to the end of the day with complaining.
By making this a family activity everyone benefits and it will change the culture of your family.
Like marriage, following this rule is a journey, not a destination. Make the journey enjoyable!
www.abeautifuladventuremarriage.com
Jon Gordon | Bestselling Author and Keynote Speaker