Episode 30- 12 Things to Avoid in a Marriage Part 1

12 Things to Avoid in Marriage

Every marriage is different. Everyone has their own uniqueness that they bring into their marriage that makes it special. We should be thankful for this, how boring would life be if everyone and every marriage looked the same? Being different is a gift; however, there are certain things every marriage should avoid.

As the years pass in marriage it’s easy to get passive in certain behaviors. When you are engaged and newly married you are on your best behavior, and there are certain things that you would just never do… fast forward a few years and they might start happening.

 

While little slips here and there may happen, we need to be vigilant about keeping those slips to a minimum for the health of our relationship. Although no one is perfect, there are certain behaviors that should just be avoided at all costs. 

1. Constant Criticism and Belittling

Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear. Ephesians 4:29

 

Criticism and belittling bring an atmosphere of negativity. Let’s be honest, no one only wants to hear what they do wrong. Another problem with constant criticism and belittling is the person goes from hearing that they are doing something wrong to hearing there is something wrong with them as a person. Criticism and belittling each other will never bring healthy change in a marriage. It will not only destroy the marriage, but it can also destroy the self-worth of the person who is constantly exposed to it.

 

2. Being Secretive and Lying

Therefore, rid yourselves of all malice and all deceit, hypocrisy, envy, and slander of every kind. 1 Peter 2:1

Secrets are dangerous in a marriage. Now, we aren’t talking about secrets around something good like a birthday or surprise. We are talking about intentionally withholding information from your spouse in a deceptive way. The problem with secrets is we usually keep them when we know we are doing something we should not be doing. Secrets can also lead to full-blown lying as well. Secrets and lying can break trust in a marriage quickly, and a marriage without trust is not a marriage that can be sustained for long.

 

3. Silent Treatment

Just like we shouldn’t withhold information in our marriage, we should not quit talking to our spouse for extended periods. So many people use this when they are angry with each other. Although taking a break in an argument can be very beneficial, we always need to come back and find closure. Going for days or even weeks in a marriage without communicating will never bring restoration, it will only widen division in your relationship. If you need a moment, communicate that, but do not practice the silent treatment.

 

        4. Holding Grudges

For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses. Matthew 6:14-15

 

In marriage hurts will happen. There are no perfect people, and that is why forgiveness is so very important. When these hurts happen, we cannot hold grudges and constantly bring up the past. Being historical will never bring healing to a relationship. Some hurts are difficult to deal with, if that is the case get whatever help is necessary because grudges are not the answer.

 

5. Confiding Too Much in Others

Having a mentor, someone you can go to for wisdom and guidance is amazing. Everyone and every marriage needs mentors. However, there is a difference between a mentor and anyone who will listen. There is also a difference between going to someone for guidance and going to someone to complain and vent. We should protect our marriages by being selective in who we confide in, especially if that person is of the opposite sex. We should never go to someone to simply complain about our marriage or share the shortcomings of our spouse. If there is a problem, figure it out with your spouse, or go together to a mentor, counselor, or pastor.

 

6. Giving Ultimatums

An ultimatum is a final and uncompromising demand. When a person issues an ultimatum, they are saying, “I do not care what you want or think, you will do this my way or else.” Read that sentence again. Does this sound like an attitude that would create a healthy and happy marriage? Of course not! Marriage is about communication and compromise. It is two people working together as a team and finding ways to do life together in a harmonious way. Ultimatums will never bring harmony to a marriage. It will only bring manipulation and control.

 

So these are the first things that should be avoided at all costs in a marriage. We hope you see why these things can be so destructive and choose not to have them active in your marriage. 

Yeh join us next time as we give you 6 more things that should be avoided so your marriage can be a beautiful adventure. 

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