Ep. 256: How to Help Neurodivergent Teens and Young Adults Navigate Dating with Dr. Elina Veytsman

We are so happy to have Dr. Elina Veytsman join us for this episode of the show! Dr. Elina Veytsman is a licensed psychologist and the Director of Training at the UCLA PEERS® Clinic, where she leads groups for neurodivergent youth and their caregivers while also training interns, postdocs, and professionals. She earned her Psychology degrees at UCLA and UC Riverside, researching developmental disabilities and transition experiences for youth and parents, and completed her doctoral internship providing therapy, parent training, and diagnostic assessment services. Since joining the UCLA PEERS® Clinic in 2014, she has delivered the PEERS® program in multiple settings and also provides individualized PEERS services through a private practice in Los Angeles.

Dr. Elina Veytsman joins us to discuss how we help neurodivergent teens and young adults explore dating in ways that are both safe and authentic to who they are. We unpack the importance of supporting relationship development for neurodivergent youth without removing their agency or individuality, and we start off by unpacking a common misconception - that autistic or neurodivergent youth are not interested in romantic relationships. In reality, many deeply want connection but may not have been given clear, explicit guidance about the social patterns that others often learn more informally.

Our conversation in this episode explores how dating skills are teachable rather than innate, and Dr. Veytsman explains that social skills such as reciprocal conversation, recognizing romantic interest, understanding boundaries, and processing rejection can be broken into concrete, observable steps. Much of the work that she discusses is grounded in research and sociological observation, with more than 75 scientific papers supporting PEERS® programming. This episode of the podcast also touches upon how social cognition, perspective-taking, and communication differences can affect dating experiences.

Safety and vulnerability are also major themes that we talk about, and we discuss risks such as online exploitation, misreading friendliness as romantic interest, and the challenge of recognizing subtle social cues. Dr. Veytsman highlights that vulnerability often comes from inexperience rather than neurodivergence itself and that education about red flags, consent, and online behavior can be very protective!

Our discussion also highlights the strengths-based philosophy behind PEERS®. Rather than changing identity or forcing conformity, the program focuses on expanding communication tools, building confidence, and supporting young people as they pursue relationships that feel meaningful to them. If you are a parent, clinician, or someone interested in how neurodivergent youth can approach dating with confidence and safety, then this episode is not one that you will want to miss!

Show Notes:

[2:44] - Dr. Veytsman explains how romantic skills often begin in adolescence, starting with friendship and learning conversation, boundaries, and recognizing shared interests.
[5:24] - Dating challenges could include one-sided conversations, so the program first teaches reciprocal communication before introducing relationship-specific skills.
[7:10] - Dr. Veytsman discusses how limited peer learning and social cue misunderstanding can increase vulnerability to online exploitation.
[10:23] - Hear how perspective-taking and social cognition can be strengthened like a muscle with structured practice of social thinking and empathy skills.
[12:20] - Early training in communication, risk awareness, and perception helps build meaningful relationships by improving social understanding and behavior awareness.
[13:42] - Vulnerability often arises from limited experience; explicit education helps youth recognize manipulation, red flags, and online safety risks.
[16:41] - The PEERS® program is a strengths-based, neurodiversity-respecting, and skill-building dating / social development program for neurodivergent youth!
[17:11] - Preparation, coaching, and education help autistic youth build healthy relationships via learning consent, rejection, safety, and partner recognition.
[19:21] - We learn that approximately 70% of participants involve parents learning to coach social skills while respecting individuals' goals.
[22:52] - Hear how the program truly promotes neurodiversity, teaches social tools for connection, and encourages personal choice rather than masking.
[25:16] - Dating education covers rejection, boundaries, consent, and flirting as observable, research-grounded behaviors.
[27:59] - We further learn how flirting and interest are taught via low-risk signals such as eye contact, smiles, and reciprocal conversation exchanges.
[30:44] - Hear why online profiles should present clear, positive, authentic information and use profile-specific messages to initiate meaningful contact.
[33:13] - Caregivers can help reinforce skills with praise-based feedback, homework practice, and shared interest activities.
[36:57] - Evidence shows that PEERS® improves dating behavior, confidence, social participation, and relationship skill use across research studies!
[40:08] - How can Dr. Veytsman be contacted?

Links and Related Resources:

• More Podcast Episodes

• Episode 43: Building Social Competence and Enhancing Social Skills with Dr. Elizabeth Laugeson

• Jane and Terry Semel Institute for Neuroscience and Human Behavior - UCLA PEERS® Clinic

 

Connect with Dr. Elina Veytsman:

• Center for Pediatric Neuropsychology

• Email: [e-mail]

 

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