Ep 172: When Doing Your Job Hurts: Understanding Moral Injury in First Responders
Code4Couples
You can do everything right, follow the rules, and still carry a call that won’t leave you alone. That’s moral injury. For first responders, trauma isn’t always about what you witness. Sometimes it’s about what you couldn’t do. Ashley Brockman, former paramedic and now counselor, shared her story of being stuck on a 9-1-1 call she couldn’t leave even as another call came over the radio for a child in cardiac arrest just two blocks away. Due to laws in Texas, leaving her first call would have been classified as patient abandonment. She followed the rules, did her job...
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Ep 171: When Trauma Doesn't Stay Boxed Up
Code4Couples
Police officers are trained to put their emotions in a box. Compartmentalization in policing is often what gets them through one more shift, one more crime scene, one more tragedy, and what keeps them safe. What happens when that box tips over? For many law enforcement officers and their families, it takes one personal crisis for every hidden nightmare to come rushing back. In this conversation with Detective Jody Thompson, his wife’s near-death experience during childbirth was the breaking point that brought years of law enforcement trauma crashing to the surface. His story is a...
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Ep 170: Alcohol and First Responder Culture
Code4Couples
Alcohol has long been embedded in first responder culture. From “choir practice” after shifts to bonding at happy hour, drinking can feel like part of the job. But for many officers, firefighters, and their spouses, what starts as social connection can quietly become a coping mechanism for trauma, stress, and the constant adrenaline rush of the job. When alcohol moves from the sidelines to center stage, the impact ripples far beyond the individual. It affects families, marriages, and entire departments. Joe Rizzuti, retired police officer and founder of First Responder Wellness of...
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Ep 169: Raising Strong Kids: Resilience Strategies for Law Enforcement Families
Code4Couples
When an officer serves, the entire family serves. In police families, stress doesn’t stop at the end of a shift; it echoes through the home, shaping the way spouses and children experience daily life. While much attention is given to officer wellness, the resilience of the whole family, especially children, is equally important. For children growing up in police families, safety and unpredictability often live side by side. They notice details that many of their peers overlook, such as locked doors, tense body language, or whether mom or dad seems on edge after a shift. This...
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Ep 168: Heart Disease in Law Enforcement
Code4Couples
Most cops worry about the dangers they face on duty, but few realize the biggest threat might come long after the uniform is hung up. Heart disease is taking our officers too soon, and in many cases, they never saw it coming. Research has shown that law enforcement officers live, on average, 20 years less than civilians. The two leading causes of death are suicide and heart disease. What makes cardiac issues particularly alarming is the age at which they strike. In the civilian population, the average heart attack happens at 65. For officers, it’s closer to 46, and that number keeps...
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Ep 167: Parenting Through the Impact of Law Enforcement on Kids
Code4Couples
When a parent wears the badge, the job doesn’t stay at work; it shapes family life, especially for children. Law enforcement kids grow up with unique stressors: unpredictable schedules, stories about crime and tragedy that spill over into conversations at home, and the tension of knowing their parents face real risks on the job. Even if they aren’t directly in danger, children often feel the weight of it, whether it’s overhearing talk about a violent call, sensing worry when their parents don’t check in, seeing incidents on social media or watching the news cover an incident involving...
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Ep 166: 9 Ways First Responder Couples Can Apologize and Repair Conflict
Code4Couples
If you’ve ever heard or said “I’m sorry, but…” you know how empty that apology feels. “Sorry” often gets tossed out as a quick fix to end the argument, not to heal the hurt. The problem is that those shallow apologies don’t repair anything. They pile up, leaving cracks in trust that get harder to ignore. For many first responder couples, conflict starts to feel like a battle to win instead of a wound to heal. Law enforcement officers, in particular, are trained with a survival mindset: “you win, you go home.” But when that belief crosses into marriage, it turns your...
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Ep 165: Increasing Resilience in Police and Emergency Personnel: Strengthening Your Mental Armor
Code4Couples
If you’re in law enforcement, you already know the job changes you, mentally, physically, emotionally, and relationally. What most people don’t realize is that those changes often pile up slowly, until something breaks down, sleep, relationships, health, or your outlook on the job. That’s exactly why Dr. Stephanie Conn wrote Increasing Resilience in Police and Emergency Personnel: Strengthening Your Mental Armor and why the second edition is more than just a refresh. It’s a timely, research-driven update that meets today’s law enforcement culture head-on, with realistic...
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Ep 164: The Challenges Women Face Behind the Badge
Code4Couples
Women in law enforcement face a unique set of challenges that often go unspoken, misunderstood, or minimized, both inside the department and at home. Monica Crawford is a former police officer, a law enforcement spouse, the author of Thriving Inside the Thin Blue Line, and the powerhouse behind Five-O Fierce and Fit. Her mission is to assist women in law enforcement reclaim their strength, mentally, physically, and emotionally and thrive inside the very culture that too often asks them to shrink. Today, we discuss the differences in the female law...
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Ep 163: Finding Balance in Law Enforcement Relationships
Code4Couples
What Law Enforcement Families Need to Know About Real Work-Life Balance When we talk about balance in law enforcement life, it often sounds like a personal issue, something you're expected to figure out quietly, in between overtime shifts and missed family dinners. The reality is balance isn't just about time management or stress reduction. It's about alignment between your job and your values, your needs and your partner’s, your role as a first responder and your role at home. And according to Elizabeth Ecklund, firefighter, nurse, social worker-in-training, and Antarctica-deployed...
info_outlineWhy your officer feels distant, irritable, or shut down — and what’s really going on.
Secondary traumatic stress can quietly reshape a law enforcement relationship, but you don’t have to navigate it without a roadmap.
Short Episode Summary
In this episode, Cyndi talks with secondary traumatic stress expert Melissa Kaiser, LCSW to unpack how repeated exposure to trauma affects officers, spouses, and families.
You’ll learn:
• The difference between secondary trauma, compassion fatigue, burnout, and moral injury
• How trauma exposure creates emotional distance in relationships
• Signs your nervous system is hitting overload or shutting down
• Why hyperarousal and hypoarousal affect your connection at home
• Practical daily strategies to reset, reconnect, and stay grounded as a couple
Hosted by Cyndi Doyle, licensed professional counselor supervisor, law enforcement spouse, author of Hold the Line, and founder of Code4Couples®, this channel gives first responder families the tools to stay connected, resilient, and Code 4.
📘 Protect your law enforcement relationship with Cyndi’s book, Hold the Line →
https://www.amazon.com/Hold-Line-Protecting-Enforcement-Relationship-ebook/dp/B08TPRTY9G#customerReviews
🎤 Bring Cyndi to your agency or event → https://code4couples.com/training/
00:00 Intro
01:00 What is secondary traumatic stress?
04:00 How trauma exposure changes worldview
07:00 The subtle signs spouses miss
10:30 Burnout vs compassion fatigue vs secondary trauma
14:00 Vicarious trauma and emotional withdrawal
18:00 When symptoms show up in the body
22:00 Numbing, avoidance, and negative coping
26:00 Discipline as a wellness strategy
32:00 Sleep, nervous system resets, and lifestyle anchors
37:00 Checking in: What am I like on a good day? On a hard day?
40:00 Mutual empathy inside a police relationship
45:00 How to start recovery and create routines
49:00 Where to find Melissa and additional resources