Code4Couples
Code4Couples is the premiere podcast for law enforcement relational health hosted by Cyndi Doyle, author of Hold the Line: The Essential Guide to Protecting Your Law Enforcement Relationship, psychotherapist, and a law enforcement spouse working to educate officers and spouse on the impact of law enforcement on their relationship for them to counter the impact and create connected and resilient relationships. She is the author and creator of Hold the Line products including a train the trainer program for departments. Contact Cyndi for speaking, training for your organization or department, or bulk orders of books at info@code4couples.com
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Ep 172: When Doing Your Job Hurts: Understanding Moral Injury in First Responders
11/13/2025
Ep 172: When Doing Your Job Hurts: Understanding Moral Injury in First Responders
You can do everything right, follow the rules, and still carry a call that won’t leave you alone. That’s moral injury. For first responders, trauma isn’t always about what you witness. Sometimes it’s about what you couldn’t do. Ashley Brockman, former paramedic and now counselor, shared her story of being stuck on a 9-1-1 call she couldn’t leave even as another call came over the radio for a child in cardiac arrest just two blocks away. Due to laws in Texas, leaving her first call would have been classified as patient abandonment. She followed the rules, did her job by the book, and yet years later, that moment still haunted her. That’s what moral injury looks like. It’s not a broken policy or a bad call; it’s the inner conflict when what you had to do doesn’t align with what you believe is right. And unlike physical wounds, moral injury doesn’t show up on an X-ray. It shows up as guilt, shame, cynicism, emotional exhaustion, or burnout.
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Ep 171: When Trauma Doesn't Stay Boxed Up
10/30/2025
Ep 171: When Trauma Doesn't Stay Boxed Up
Police officers are trained to put their emotions in a box. Compartmentalization in policing is often what gets them through one more shift, one more crime scene, one more tragedy, and what keeps them safe. What happens when that box tips over? For many law enforcement officers and their families, it takes one personal crisis for every hidden nightmare to come rushing back. In this conversation with Detective Jody Thompson, his wife’s near-death experience during childbirth was the breaking point that brought years of law enforcement trauma crashing to the surface. His story is a reminder of how first responder mental health can’t wait until retirement and how police officer marriage struggles are tied directly to how trauma is carried or ignored.
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Ep 170: Alcohol and First Responder Culture
10/16/2025
Ep 170: Alcohol and First Responder Culture
Alcohol has long been embedded in first responder culture. From “choir practice” after shifts to bonding at happy hour, drinking can feel like part of the job. But for many officers, firefighters, and their spouses, what starts as social connection can quietly become a coping mechanism for trauma, stress, and the constant adrenaline rush of the job. When alcohol moves from the sidelines to center stage, the impact ripples far beyond the individual. It affects families, marriages, and entire departments. Joe Rizzuti, retired police officer and founder of First Responder Wellness of Merrimack Valley, shared that alcohol was once deeply tied to his identity. He admitted, “If alcohol came to the table today, it would not be legal. We know the damage it does.” Joe has now been in recovery for over 13 years, and his story reflects a growing recognition that alcohol misuse in law enforcement is more than a personal issue; it’s a cultural one.
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Ep 169: Raising Strong Kids: Resilience Strategies for Law Enforcement Families
10/02/2025
Ep 169: Raising Strong Kids: Resilience Strategies for Law Enforcement Families
When an officer serves, the entire family serves. In police families, stress doesn’t stop at the end of a shift; it echoes through the home, shaping the way spouses and children experience daily life. While much attention is given to officer wellness, the resilience of the whole family, especially children, is equally important. For children growing up in police families, safety and unpredictability often live side by side. They notice details that many of their peers overlook, such as locked doors, tense body language, or whether mom or dad seems on edge after a shift. This constant scanning can develop into hypervigilance, shaped not only by family culture but also by generational factors, such as high ACEs (Adverse Childhood Experiences) scores, which are common among first responders. Without intentional resilience strategies, these stressors can quietly translate into fear, disconnection, or long-term emotional strain that follows them into adulthood.
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Ep 168: Heart Disease in Law Enforcement
09/18/2025
Ep 168: Heart Disease in Law Enforcement
Most cops worry about the dangers they face on duty, but few realize the biggest threat might come long after the uniform is hung up. Heart disease is taking our officers too soon, and in many cases, they never saw it coming. Research has shown that law enforcement officers live, on average, 20 years less than civilians. The two leading causes of death are suicide and heart disease. What makes cardiac issues particularly alarming is the age at which they strike. In the civilian population, the average heart attack happens at 65. For officers, it’s closer to 46, and that number keeps dropping. Studies show that nearly 71% of officers who died before the average civilian life expectancy died from cardiac causes. That means the majority of preventable deaths in law enforcement are not line-of-duty incidents, but hidden heart disease.
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Ep 167: Parenting Through the Impact of Law Enforcement on Kids
09/04/2025
Ep 167: Parenting Through the Impact of Law Enforcement on Kids
When a parent wears the badge, the job doesn’t stay at work; it shapes family life, especially for children. Law enforcement kids grow up with unique stressors: unpredictable schedules, stories about crime and tragedy that spill over into conversations at home, and the tension of knowing their parents face real risks on the job. Even if they aren’t directly in danger, children often feel the weight of it, whether it’s overhearing talk about a violent call, sensing worry when their parents don’t check in, seeing incidents on social media or watching the news cover an incident involving their department. Parents often wonder, How is this affecting my child, and What can I do to protect them?
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Ep 166: 9 Ways First Responder Couples Can Apologize and Repair Conflict
08/22/2025
Ep 166: 9 Ways First Responder Couples Can Apologize and Repair Conflict
If you’ve ever heard or said “I’m sorry, but…” you know how empty that apology feels. “Sorry” often gets tossed out as a quick fix to end the argument, not to heal the hurt. The problem is that those shallow apologies don’t repair anything. They pile up, leaving cracks in trust that get harder to ignore. For many first responder couples, conflict starts to feel like a battle to win instead of a wound to heal. Law enforcement officers, in particular, are trained with a survival mindset: “you win, you go home.” But when that belief crosses into marriage, it turns your spouse into the opponent instead of your teammate.
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Ep 165: Increasing Resilience in Police and Emergency Personnel: Strengthening Your Mental Armor
08/08/2025
Ep 165: Increasing Resilience in Police and Emergency Personnel: Strengthening Your Mental Armor
If you’re in law enforcement, you already know the job changes you, mentally, physically, emotionally, and relationally. What most people don’t realize is that those changes often pile up slowly, until something breaks down, sleep, relationships, health, or your outlook on the job. That’s exactly why Dr. Stephanie Conn wrote Increasing Resilience in Police and Emergency Personnel: Strengthening Your Mental Armor and why the second edition is more than just a refresh. It’s a timely, research-driven update that meets today’s law enforcement culture head-on, with realistic tools that actually work. This isn’t a book you’ll read once and shelve. It’s the kind you’ll come back to when the wheels start falling off.
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Ep 164: The Challenges Women Face Behind the Badge
07/25/2025
Ep 164: The Challenges Women Face Behind the Badge
Women in law enforcement face a unique set of challenges that often go unspoken, misunderstood, or minimized, both inside the department and at home. Monica Crawford is a former police officer, a law enforcement spouse, the author of Thriving Inside the Thin Blue Line, and the powerhouse behind Five-O Fierce and Fit. Her mission is to assist women in law enforcement reclaim their strength, mentally, physically, and emotionally and thrive inside the very culture that too often asks them to shrink. Today, we discuss the differences in the female law enforcement experience and why it matters for the future of policing, officer well-being, and law enforcement relationships.
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Ep 163: Finding Balance in Law Enforcement Relationships
07/11/2025
Ep 163: Finding Balance in Law Enforcement Relationships
What Law Enforcement Families Need to Know About Real Work-Life Balance When we talk about balance in law enforcement life, it often sounds like a personal issue, something you're expected to figure out quietly, in between overtime shifts and missed family dinners. The reality is balance isn't just about time management or stress reduction. It's about alignment between your job and your values, your needs and your partner’s, your role as a first responder and your role at home. And according to Elizabeth Ecklund, firefighter, nurse, social worker-in-training, and Antarctica-deployed badass, balance isn’t something you find. It’s something you build together. Let’s break down what balance really means, why it matters in police marriages and first responder families, and how you can build it together. info@mindforgetherapy.com 2533989565
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Ep 162: Emotional Safety at Home in Law Enforcement Families
06/27/2025
Ep 162: Emotional Safety at Home in Law Enforcement Families
Law enforcement officers are trained to survive chaos. But at home, survival mode is not enough. Officers and their spouses need emotional safety in order to stay connected, healthy, and resilient. Without it, communication breaks down. Compassion becomes scarce. And what started as a strong bond slowly begins to erode. The home should be a place of rest, connection, and stability. Yet, for many first responder couples, it feels tense, distant, or even emotionally unsafe. This is not because the relationship is broken. It is because the job has conditioned responses that, if left unaddressed, interfere with connection. Let’s explore why emotional safety matters, why it is often lost in law enforcement relationships, and what steps couples can take to rebuild it with intention and resilience.
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Ep 161: Beat The Burnout: Prevention and Recovery Solutions for Frontline Burnout
06/13/2025
Ep 161: Beat The Burnout: Prevention and Recovery Solutions for Frontline Burnout
When AK Dozanti started her career in law enforcement at 19 years old, she never imagined that the job she loved would nearly destroy her. Like so many officers, she embodied the mission, working out twice a day, meal prepping, and chasing excellence. By the time she was awarded Officer of the Year in 2015, she was already unraveling. Burnout, depression, PTSD, adrenal fatigue, and suicidal ideation were silently creeping in. Her story isn’t just about what took her out of the job, it’s about how she gave herself permission to choose something different and how that choice saved her life.
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Ep 160: Mindset Matters: Resilience, Relationships, and Law Enforcement Mental Health
06/02/2025
Ep 160: Mindset Matters: Resilience, Relationships, and Law Enforcement Mental Health
When Richard Crimi’s 14-year law enforcement career came to an unexpected halt due to a debilitating back injury, he didn’t just recover physically, he rebuilt his mindset from the ground up. Now, through his work with first responders, federal agencies, and military personnel, Richard helps others harness the power of the mind to improve performance, enhance resilience, and strengthen their relationships. And yes, mindset matters in marriage too. LinkedIn:
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Ep 159: The Top Ten Things Every Law Enforcement Spouse Should Know
05/16/2025
Ep 159: The Top Ten Things Every Law Enforcement Spouse Should Know
Navigating a law enforcement marriage isn’t for the faint of heart. Behind the uniforms, long shifts, and high-stakes calls are couples trying to hold on to connection, communication, and a sense of normal. And while there’s plenty of talk about police mental health and first responder burnout, there’s not nearly enough said about how this job quietly rewires relationships from the inside out. Whether you're brand new to this life or a seasoned spouse who's mastered holidays solo, there's a learning curve no one warns you about. So, I pulled together a list, rooted in the lived experience of law enforcement couples and backed by years of working with spouses and officers, that I believe every law enforcement spouse should know. Because understanding the why behind the struggles? That’s the first step to building a stronger, more resilient law enforcement relationship.
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Ep 158: The Wounded Blue: Never Forgotten. Never Alone.
04/25/2025
Ep 158: The Wounded Blue: Never Forgotten. Never Alone.
When Lieutenant Randy Sutton first put on the badge in 1976, policing looked a lot different. Officers could do their jobs without the constant scrutiny of a body camera or the looming fear of public backlash. They were respected. Supported. And even though the job was always dangerous, the culture surrounding officers, both inside and outside the department, wasn’t laced with suspicion and hostility. Fast forward to today, and that landscape has shifted dramatically. And for law enforcement families, the weight of that shift is deeply personal.
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Ep 157: Sleep Hygiene for First Responders: Why Sleep Health Matters in First Responder Relationships
04/11/2025
Ep 157: Sleep Hygiene for First Responders: Why Sleep Health Matters in First Responder Relationships
Sleep can feel like a luxury in law enforcement. Between shift work, court schedules, overtime, and home responsibilities, rest often gets pushed to the bottom of the priority list. But here's the truth that people don’t frequently discuss. Your sleep (or lack of it) impacts EVERYTHING: your mood, your health, your safety, your marriage, and even how long you’ll be around to enjoy retirement. Sleep psychologist and author Leah Elizabeth Kaylor breaks down the importance of sleep health for first responders. Leah’s been the go-to sleep expert for the FBI and is now sharing her insights with us, including tips on how to reset poor sleep habits, manage nightmares, and even navigate the idea of “sleep divorce” being healthy for relationships.
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Ep 156: Breaking Down The Armor and The Mental Health Stigma in Law Enforcement
03/28/2025
Ep 156: Breaking Down The Armor and The Mental Health Stigma in Law Enforcement
Law enforcement teaches officers how to handle chaos, make quick decisions, and keep emotions in check to get the job done. But what happens when that same skill set that keeps officers safe on duty starts to create distance at home? For Zachary Saenz, that emotional armor was a survival tool, something he didn’t even realize he was putting on. It helped him push through the hard calls, the trauma, and the stress of being a police officer. But over time, the same armor that protected him from the job started shutting out the person he loved most. His story is one that many in law enforcement relationships can relate to: learning how to carry the weight of the job without letting it take over your life. The way he navigated that shift, through therapy, self-awareness, and small but meaningful changes, holds lessons for any officer who wants to strengthen their mental health and their relationships.
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Ep 155: Undercover Junkie: When the Job Becomes the Rush
03/14/2025
Ep 155: Undercover Junkie: When the Job Becomes the Rush
Law enforcement officers and their spouses often underestimate how undercover work, adrenaline addiction, and hidden trauma can slowly erode a law enforcement marriage. This episode shows both the officer and spouse perspective—how secrecy, overwork, and unprocessed incidents affect relationships—and offers hope, police spouse support, communication tools, and perspective for couples navigating similar challenges. In this candid interview, retired undercover narcotics officer Brent Cartwright and his wife Wesley share the realities of a police family living through dangerous assignments, long hours, and the aftermath of a line-of-duty shooting. You’ll hear: How undercover life fueled adrenaline addiction and secrecy The day Brent was shot six times and survived Wesley’s story as a police spouse supporting an injured officer The impact of PTSD and unprocessed trauma on a LEO marriage How they rebuilt trust, improved spouse communication, and found balance between home life and the demands of law enforcement work Hosted by Cyndi Doyle, licensed professional counselor, retired police spouse, and author of Hold the Line, this conversation pulls back the curtain on the challenges of supporting a police spouse and surviving the hidden costs of the job—without sensationalism, but with practical tools and cultural understanding. 📘 Get Hold the Line: Protecting Your Law Enforcement Relationship → 🎤 Book Cyndi to speak → 📕 Get Brent’s book Undercover Junkie: Chasing the High, Confronting Trauma, and Unraveling the Aftermath → 00:00 – Intro & guest welcome 02:00 – How Brent & Wesley met and built their life together 06:00 – Transition into undercover life 10:00 – Impact of long hours & adrenaline culture on marriage 16:00 – The day of the shooting 23:00 – Wesley’s perspective as a law enforcement spouse getting “the call” 30:00 – Recovery, therapy, and rebuilding trust 44:00 – Writing Undercover Junkie and sharing the truth 53:00 – Advice for police families
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Ep 154: Breaking the Silence: How Copline Supports Law Enforcement Officers and Their Families
02/07/2025
Ep 154: Breaking the Silence: How Copline Supports Law Enforcement Officers and Their Families
Police peer hotline: The 24/7 lifeline for officers, spouses, & families you need to know about. When you or your loved one wears the badge, you need a support system that truly understands the job — without judgment or red tape. This episode of Code4Couples features retired NYPD officer and Southern Regional Outreach Coordinator for COPLINE, Debra Schwartz. COPLINE is a confidential, 24/7 hotline staffed by retired officers for active and retired law enforcement and their families. Debra shares the unique benefits of peer-to-peer listening, the importance of volunteer involvement, and how the hotline provides a safe, stigma-free space for officers and families to talk — whether they’re in crisis or simply need connection. The conversation also covers volunteer opportunities, clinician partnerships, and the importance of funding to keep COPLINE available nationwide. Hosted by Cyndi Doyle — licensed professional counselor supervisor, retired police spouse, author of Hold the Line, and founder of Code4Couples® — this podcast connects law enforcement couples with the tools, strategies, and stories to build resilient relationships. 📖 Hold the Line: The Essential Guide for Protecting Your Law Enforcement Relationship → 🎤 Book Cyndi to speak at your department, conference, or event → 00:00 Intro & Guest Welcome 01:45 Debra’s journey from NYPD to COPLINE 05:20 How COPLINE supports active, retired, and families 10:15 Confidentiality & trust in peer hotlines 15:00 Resources & clinician connections 20:30 Funding and volunteer needs 26:00 How to get involved with COPLINE 28:00 Closing thoughts & hotline number
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Ep 153: Dumpster Fire Days: Navigating the Chaos Together in Law Enforcement Relationships
02/03/2025
Ep 153: Dumpster Fire Days: Navigating the Chaos Together in Law Enforcement Relationships
Ideally, officers coming home would be able to have 20 to 30 minutes to decompress before engaging with the family, but we all know that sometimes that's just not realistic. Your spouse has a life, a full -time job, manages the household and when you're not there, your family has their own business and their own chaos. Heck, maybe the officer parent is the parent who's doing all the parent pickups or bath time, or maybe your spouse travels for work. Real life dictates that as a couple, you're not always going to be able to put the officer's need to decompress ahead of life. Real life dictates that you will have days when both of your worlds feel like chaos, have heaps of stress, and just feel like a sh*t show. This can lead couples to disengage and argue. What is the best way to make it through when you both have dumpster fire days? How do you hold space for your officer or your partner when you need that support too?
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Ep 152: When Command Presence Comes Homes
01/24/2025
Ep 152: When Command Presence Comes Homes
This episode of the Code4Couples podcast dives into “authoritarian spillover” — the unconscious way officers’ on-the-job command presence can follow them home. Cyndi explains how this survival skill, critical in high-pressure law enforcement situations, can unintentionally create tension, micromanagement, and disconnection in police marriages and law enforcement families. In this episode, you’ll learn: What authoritarian spillover is and how it impacts police spouses, police couples, and law enforcement families. Why command presence is vital for police officer stress management at work but can create conflict at home. Signs that “command mode” is starting to switch on in everyday situations. How to use awareness, shared language, and communication strategies to protect your law enforcement marriage. Practical ways for officers and spouses to shift from protector mode to partner mode, improving law enforcement family support. Hosted by Cyndi Doyle — founder of Code4Couples®, licensed professional counselor supervisor, retired police wife, and author of Hold the Line. Cyndi specializes in helping first responder couples protect their relationships while navigating the unique challenges of law enforcement life. 📖 Get your copy of Hold the Line: The Essential Guide to Protecting Your Law Enforcement Relationship → 🎤 Book Cyndi to speak at your department, conference, or wellness event → 00:00 Intro 01:00 Shoutout to Responder Life 02:15 “I’m not one of your citizens” – a personal story 03:20 What is authoritarian spillover? 06:00 How command presence shows up at home 08:00 Step 1: Awareness for officers and spouses 10:00 Creating a shared signal to stand down 12:00 Communicating feelings under stress 14:00 Shifting from protector to partner 15:30 Practical language changes that help 16:00 How to learn more + closing thoughts
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Ep 151: Hypervigilance at Home
01/17/2025
Ep 151: Hypervigilance at Home
This episode dives deep into hypervigilance at home — a natural, biological state that keeps officers safe on duty but can unintentionally create distance and tension in a law enforcement marriage. Whether you’re a police wife, police husband, or a law enforcement spouse, understanding this dynamic can help you protect your connection Short Episode Summary Understand what hypervigilance is and how it impacts police family life Learn the “up and down” cycle that can make officers seem disengaged after shift work Avoid enabling unhealthy patterns that can lead to law enforcement burnout Use simple, practical tools to reconnect even during the “downside” Hear personal stories from Cyndi’s own police marriage and experiences with police mental health Hosted by Cyndi Doyle, founder of Code4Couples®, licensed professional counselor supervisor, retired police spouse, and author of Hold the Line: The Essential Guide to Protecting Your Law Enforcement Relationship. Cyndi has helped countless law enforcement couples strengthen their relationships despite the unique challenges of the job. 📖 Grab Cyndi’s book Hold the Line: 🎤 Book Cyndi for training or speaking: 00:00 – Introduction & real-life scenario 02:00 – What hypervigilance is and why it matters in law enforcement marriage 05:00 – The biological rollercoaster after a police shift 09:00 – The cycle of misunderstanding between police spouses 13:00 – Strategies for recovery & reconnection 20:00 – Tips for avoiding enabling behavior 22:30 – Final thoughts & resources
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Ep 150: Building Connection Through Appreciation: A Law Enforcement Family Perspective
01/10/2025
Ep 150: Building Connection Through Appreciation: A Law Enforcement Family Perspective
This episode explores the power of appreciation and gratitude in law enforcement marriage, especially during times of high stress, shift changes, and burnout. Whether you’re a police wife, police husband, or part of a first responder couple, you’ll learn how to improve your police relationship through small, meaningful actions. Drawing from research by Dr. John Gottman, Dr. Sue Johnson, and Dr. Brené Brown, Cyndi explains how expressing appreciation fosters emotional safety, deepens trust, and helps couples weather challenges together. You’ll hear real-life examples from police spouse life, along with practical ways to show gratitude — from heartfelt notes to quality time — plus details on the 14-day Marriage Appreciation Challenge created for police families. Hosted by Cyndi Doyle, founder of Code4Couples®, licensed professional counselor supervisor, retired police spouse, and author of Hold the Line: The Essential Guide to Protecting Your Law Enforcement Relationship. 📥 Get Your Free 14-Day Appreciation Challenge → 🎤 Book Cyndi for Training or Speaking → 00:00 Intro & why appreciation matters in police marriage 01:00 The science behind gratitude in marriage 03:00 Building emotional safety for law enforcement couples 06:00 Practical marriage appreciation ideas 10:00 Family-based police spouse support activities 14:00 Creating an appreciation ritual in your relationship 16:00 How to support a partner in burnout 20:00 Final thoughts & challenge invitation
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Ep 149: Relationship Resolutions for Law Enforcement Couples
01/03/2025
Ep 149: Relationship Resolutions for Law Enforcement Couples
Feeling the emotional disconnection that comes with being married to a police officer? These five rituals rebuild closeness fast. In this episode, we dig into hypervigilance in relationships and how small, intentional habits can reconnect you quickly. What You’ll Learn in This Episode In this New Year, New Connection episode, Cyndi shares five simple and powerful relationship resolutions designed specifically for law enforcement couples. • Why hypervigilance and shift work create emotional disconnection • How micro-moments of connection rebuild safety and closeness • A weekly marriage check-in ritual that strengthens communication • A shift-reset routine that helps the nervous system transition home • Team-based strategies to handle stress before it becomes resentment • How regular tuneups prevent small issues from turning into major problems Cyndi Doyle is a licensed professional counselor supervisor, retired police spouse, author of Hold the Line, and founder of Code4Couples®. She trains departments and first responder couples nationwide on connection, resilience, and emotional survival for law enforcement. Work With Cyndi 🎤 Book Cyndi for department training, spouse events, or wellness workshops → 00:00 New Year, New Connection 02:00 Why hypervigilance impacts relationships 05:00 Downside of emotional survival for law enforcement 07:00 Resolution #1: Weekly connection check-in 10:30 Resolution #2: Shift-reset ritual 15:30 Resolution #3: Quality time over quantity 18:00 Resolution #4: Stress tag-team plan 20:45 Resolution #5: Regular relationship tuneups 23:30 Final encouragement for 2025
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Ep 148: Navigating Burnout in Law Enforcement Communities
10/11/2024
Ep 148: Navigating Burnout in Law Enforcement Communities
If burnout has become your normal, this episode gives you the tools to step out of survival mode and reconnect to what matters. Burnout in law enforcement doesn’t have to be a life sentence — small shifts can create real change. In this conversation, Cyndi and trauma therapist/author Yolanda Harper unpack what burnout really looks like inside law enforcement homes: nervous system overload, emotional disconnection, overfunctioning, compassion fatigue, and the pressure to “just keep going.” They explore practical ways to reset your mind and body, reconnect with your people, and build micro-moments of joy that support long-term resilience. You’ll learn simple permission-based tools, nervous system reset practices, and how to create intentional routines that reduce burnout for both officers and spouses. Hosted by Cyndi Doyle, licensed professional counselor supervisor, author of Hold the Line, retired police spouse, and founder of Code4Couples®, this podcast brings real-life tools for keeping law enforcement relationships connected and healthy. 📘 Grab Cyndi’s book “Hold the Line” on Amazon: 🎤 Book Cyndi for department trainings, keynotes, or workshops: 00:00 – What burnout feels like in law enforcement families 02:15 – The pressure to overfunction and “just keep going” 05:40 – When you realize you’re disconnected from your body 10:12 – Duty to others vs. duty to yourself 14:30 – The hidden cost of chronic stress on health & relationships 18:00 – Nervous system overload and emotional shut-down 23:45 – Why asking for help feels so difficult 28:10 – Micro-moments of joy and nervous system reset techniques 34:00 – How intentional practices protect your relationship 45:20 – The “permission slip” method 50:55 – The Perfect Day exercise 57:30 – Burnout relapse and recovery 1:02:00 – Final thoughts & resources
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Ep 147: How to Advocate for Police Families After a Traumatic Brain Injury
09/27/2024
Ep 147: How to Advocate for Police Families After a Traumatic Brain Injury
Trauma-informed relationships matter most when everything falls apart. In this episode, Joan shares how a traumatic brain injury reshaped her marriage, their finances, and the entire path to rebuilding stability. In this powerful continuation of Joan VandeGreig’s story, you’ll learn: • What really happens inside a police family when a head injury goes undiagnosed for months • How chronic pain, confusion, and cumulative trauma strain a marriage • The financial reality behind workers’ comp denials and stalled disability claims • Why police disability retirement is rarely straightforward • How Joan pieced together income, benefits, and resources to protect her family • What every law enforcement spouse should understand before a crisis hits I’m Cyndi Doyle, licensed professional counselor supervisor, founder of Code4Couples®, and author of Hold the Line. I help law enforcement couples stay connected and resilient through the unique stressors of the job. 📘 Get the Essential Guide to Protecting Your Law Enforcement Relationship 🎤 Book Cyndi for department trainings, spouse events, or keynotes: 00:00 Why Joan’s story matters for police families 01:00 When the injury changed everything 03:00 The long road to seizure awareness and medical clarity 04:30 Early signs, confusion, and emotional strain 06:00 The hidden financial dangers no one prepares you for 08:00 Workers’ comp denials and delayed diagnoses 10:00 Mounting credit card debt and survival mode 12:00 Fit-for-duty complications 14:30 When the system doesn’t talk to itself 16:00 Marriage impact: chronic pain and daily episodes 18:00 The medical maze of treatments, meds, and specialists 21:00 Rebuilding income after forced early retirement 24:00 The turning point: new diagnoses, new barriers 28:00 “Your brain is worth $45,000?” 30:00 The fight for disability, retirement, and benefits 33:00 What finally worked — and why 36:00 Living benefits, policies, and long-term planning 39:00 The PSOB journey and what families must know 42:00 The TLC Method explained 45:00 How Fetch Your Wealth helps first responder families 48:00 Final thoughts and resources for police couples
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Ep: 146 The Impact of In the Line of Duty Injuries on Law Enforcement Families
09/13/2024
Ep: 146 The Impact of In the Line of Duty Injuries on Law Enforcement Families
There's an injury to the head on the job. If it's an open wound, it gets addressed, stapled up, and healed. As time goes on, you or your spouse notices that you're different. You're changing your mood, your drive, your impulsivity and your memory isn’t what it used to be. You aren't sure what's happening. Despite what looks fine externally, you know something is going on. Traumatic brain injuries or TBIs are injuries to the brain that impact the function of the brain. A TBI has consequences in cognitive, psychological, social, behavioral, and even other functioning. TBIs can range in severity and in a 2020 study, it was suggested that 38.9% of officers who reported a loss of consciousness due to a concussion had a mild TBI. When there are possible injuries to the head, the protocols to determine a TBI are often overlooked causing officers and families to struggle to determine what is happening when behavior changes. I've heard of couples confusion when there's a change. I've seen it in my office, and I personally know of a couple here locally that spent years trying to get a department to understand a TBI that had occurred on the job and its impact on the officer today. Joan Van De Greik shares the story of her husband's injury and their years of struggle, not only to get the diagnosis but also dismissal and betrayal of the city and the fight for compensation as a work-related injury. Joan's mission is to educate other law enforcement families and help them to be financially prepared should they experience a career ending injury or line of duty death. This is part one of my interview with Joan as she shares her story of the struggle after the incident
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Ep 145: Indirect Trauma in Law Enforcement Relationships
08/30/2024
Ep 145: Indirect Trauma in Law Enforcement Relationships
In this episode, a dual first responder couple shares how indirect trauma, cumulative stress, and critical incidents began impacting their marriage long before they saw the signs. You’ll learn: • how trauma shows up differently for each partner • why nervous system overload can mimic “walking on eggshells” in a relationship • ways spouses can validate without fixing • how boundaries prevent emotional spillover • why culturally competent counseling matters for law enforcement families Hosted by Cyndi Doyle, licensed professional counselor supervisor, retired police spouse, and author of Hold the Line, this podcast supports law enforcement officers, their spouses, and first responder couples who want stronger, healthier relationships. 📘 Grab Cyndi’s book, Hold the Line, to protect your law enforcement relationship: 🎤 Book Cyndi to speak at your department or conference: 00:00 Intro: When direct and vicarious trauma collide 01:40 Meet James & Lisa: A dual first responder couple 04:00 How their careers shaped trauma exposure 06:20 Dispatcher trauma and the unseen emotional load 09:00 The incident that changed everything 12:00 When trauma symptoms surfaced at home 16:00 Asking for help and recognizing the warning signs 21:00 How trauma responses differ in each partner 24:00 Setting boundaries around what to share 28:00 Support without fixing 33:00 Validate, don’t negate 36:00 Watching for seasonal and anniversary triggers 40:00 Rebuilding connection with intentional habits 43:00 How they “date” each other during busy seasons 47:00 Resources: PCIS, culturally competent counseling 48:30 Final advice for law enforcement spouses
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Ep 144: Trauma in Law Enforcement Families
08/16/2024
Ep 144: Trauma in Law Enforcement Families
Why your officer feels distant, irritable, or shut down — and what’s really going on. Secondary traumatic stress can quietly reshape a law enforcement relationship, but you don’t have to navigate it without a roadmap. Short Episode Summary In this episode, Cyndi talks with secondary traumatic stress expert Melissa Kaiser, LCSW to unpack how repeated exposure to trauma affects officers, spouses, and families. You’ll learn: • The difference between secondary trauma, compassion fatigue, burnout, and moral injury • How trauma exposure creates emotional distance in relationships • Signs your nervous system is hitting overload or shutting down • Why hyperarousal and hypoarousal affect your connection at home • Practical daily strategies to reset, reconnect, and stay grounded as a couple Hosted by Cyndi Doyle, licensed professional counselor supervisor, law enforcement spouse, author of Hold the Line, and founder of Code4Couples®, this channel gives first responder families the tools to stay connected, resilient, and Code 4. 📘 Protect your law enforcement relationship with Cyndi’s book, Hold the Line → 🎤 Bring Cyndi to your agency or event → 00:00 Intro 01:00 What is secondary traumatic stress? 04:00 How trauma exposure changes worldview 07:00 The subtle signs spouses miss 10:30 Burnout vs compassion fatigue vs secondary trauma 14:00 Vicarious trauma and emotional withdrawal 18:00 When symptoms show up in the body 22:00 Numbing, avoidance, and negative coping 26:00 Discipline as a wellness strategy 32:00 Sleep, nervous system resets, and lifestyle anchors 37:00 Checking in: What am I like on a good day? On a hard day? 40:00 Mutual empathy inside a police relationship 45:00 How to start recovery and create routines 49:00 Where to find Melissa and additional resources
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Ep 143: Hypervigilance in Law Enforcement Families
07/19/2024
Ep 143: Hypervigilance in Law Enforcement Families
Hypervigilance, trauma response, and emotional disconnection in marriage — here’s what every law enforcement couple needs to know. If hypervigilance has been spilling into your home life, this episode breaks down the biology, the patterns, and how to reconnect as a couple. Short Episode Summary In this conversation with Lt. Garrett TeSlaa of The Squad Room, we talk about: How hypervigilance in law enforcement families develops from chronic sympathetic nervous system activation The shift from hyperarousal on duty to hypoarousal at home, and why it creates emotional distance Why spouses often feel like they’re walking on eggshells The role of cumulative trauma exposure and control behaviors in daily interactions Nervous system reset strategies, awareness practices, and the importance of community for long-term resilience An inside look at Garrett’s new personal development community for first responders I’m Cyndi Doyle, licensed professional counselor supervisor, author of Hold the Line, and founder of Code4Couples®. I help law enforcement officers, spouses, and first responder couples stay connected, healthy, and resilient — on and off the job. 📘 Free Resource / Opt-In: 🎤 Book Cyndi for training, workshops, or speaking: 00:00 Intro 01:00 What hypervigilance really is 04:30 How the sympathetic nervous system affects home life 08:00 Hyperarousal vs hypoarousal explained 11:00 Emotional disconnection in marriage 15:00 Control behaviors and cumulative trauma 20:00 How spouses interpret shutdown and irritability 27:00 Nervous system reset techniques 33:00 Why community matters 40:00 Inside The Academy 48:00 Final thoughts and resources
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