How to Talk to Your Kids About Loss with Georgia Shaffer
Raising Mentally Healthy Kids with Michelle Nietert
Release Date: 03/01/2022
Empathetic Listening, Managing Screen Time, Adequate Socialization, and Back-to-School Anxiety
Raising Mentally Healthy Kids with Michelle Nietert
If you've listened before, you'll notice something different about today's episode. Over the past four months, I've been doing a radio segment called Mental Health Monday for Magic 104.1 in Oklahoma City. We've covered a wide range of topics from how empathic listening can help our kids manage anxiety to setting healthy boundaries with our kids while we work from home. You can text any questions you'd like me to answer in upcoming segments to 405-460-5104! Topics we cover: 🧠 (1:14) How can I know if my child is mentally healthy? What can we as parents do to help raise mentally healthy kids?...
info_outline
Hope When Your Teen Struggles with Chronic Illness & Depression with Jennifer Dukes Lee & Her Daughter Anna
Raising Mentally Healthy Kids with Michelle Nietert
Most of us don’t love change, but for our teens, times of transition can be especially stressful and lead to anxiety and depression. But don’t lose hope, parents! In this episode, I’m excited to share my conversation with author Jennifer Dukes Lee and her daughter, Anna about how their journey through Anna’s depression and chronic illness has actually made them closer and their faith stronger. We also discuss when to offer help, when to stick it out and when to move on, and Anna shares some practical things that have helped her process her emotions in a healthy way. Key points from our...
info_outline
How Our Thoughts Affect Our Physical Health with Debra Fileta, M.A., LPC
Raising Mentally Healthy Kids with Michelle Nietert
The best way to teach our children healthy behaviors is by modeling them, but as parents, we often find ourselves too busy to exercise, eat healthy meals, or get enough sleep. In the second half of my chat with licensed professional counselor and author Debra Fileta, we discuss how faulty perceptions affect our decision-making, why seeking professional help for mental health is taboo in the Christian church, how our emotional health is linked to our physical health, and some practical ways to develop good sleep hygiene. Key points from our conversation: 🧠What you think impacts how you...
info_outline
How to Create Emotional & Spiritual Health in Your Home with Debra Fileta, M.A., LPC
Raising Mentally Healthy Kids with Michelle Nietert
I want to ask you a simple, but hard question - “Are you really okay?” In this episode with licensed professional counselor and author Debra Fileta, we’re focusing on how we as parents can do the hard work of building emotional awareness within ourselves so we can normalize talking about emotions within our homes. Debra also shares how our view of God, others, and self affects our spiritual health and offers a practical exercise you can do with your child to help them explore their emotions and create healthy conversations. Key points from our conversation: 🩹 Healthy people make...
info_outline
Repairing Damage in Family Relationships with Ann Taylor McNiece, LMFT
Raising Mentally Healthy Kids with Michelle Nietert
In our last episode with Marriage & Family Therapist Ann Taylor McNiece we talked about how we can engage in healthy discussion and avoid conflict that destroys. In the second part of our conversation, we’re discussing how we can repair the damage that’s already been caused, specifically in our family relationships. Key points from our conversation: 🩹 What you consider a repair may not be what the other person considers a repair, but your repair attempts count. 👂 Own any part of the problem you can gets your partner out of the attack cycle. Try reflective listening - reflect what you...
info_outline
Key Communication Skills to Engage in Healthy Conflict with Your Family with Ann Taylor McNiece, LMFT
Raising Mentally Healthy Kids with Michelle Nietert
As much as we may try, we can’t avoid conflict and have healthy relationships. In this episode with Marriage & Family Therapist Ann Taylor McNiece, we’re sharing some skills to help you engage in healthy discussion and avoid conflict that destroys. While most of this conversation is focused on spouses, these communication skills will impact every relationship in your life and change the dynamic of your household. Key points from our conversation: 💍 All marriages struggle, but you can choose to engage in a way that shows honor or one that causes destruction. The first 5 to 7 years of...
info_outline
Overcoming Dysregulation through Families Trying Softer with Aundi Kolber
Raising Mentally Healthy Kids with Michelle Nietert
In this episode, I'm continuing my conversation with author and therapist, Aundi Kolber and digging into what it looks like to try softer with our families and the profound effect co-regulation can have on our children's nervous systems. We also walk through a practical technique you can use to ground yourself and share some encouragement for parents who feel their house is constantly dysregulated. Key points from our conversation: ❓ Become curious about the type of home you grew up in. It will give you ideas and information about your own body. 🔎 Examine if there are things in your...
info_outline
Moving Families Out of Anxiety, Stress, and Survival Mode with Aundi Kolber
Raising Mentally Healthy Kids with Michelle Nietert
In society we're often told to try harder, but what would it look like to try softer? In this episode, I'm joined by author and therapist, Aundi Kolber who shares about what it means to try softer, how we can help our kids process the trauma stuck in their bodies, and what it means to co-regulate. Key points from our conversation: 🧠 Trauma is anything that overwhelms our nervous system and its capacity to cope. That trauma gets stuck in our bodies and must be processed. 🧬 When trauma is "stuck," it doesn't metabolize through our bodies and our brains cannot recognize...
info_outline
Overcoming Mindset Struggles with Brooke Tilghman
Raising Mentally Healthy Kids with Michelle Nietert
In the last two episodes, I’ve been joined by Todd and Brooke Tilghman who have shared about their journey with their son who has battled with depression and anxiety, but this episode is a bit different. In this conversation, Brooke gets candid about her mental health struggles with post-partum depression and anxiety, as well as the tension she’s felt as a Christian who has found medication effective in treating her symptoms. She also offers hope to struggling parents that the situation is temporary and you don’t have to be driven by your feelings or fear. Key points from our...
info_outline
Winning as a Parent When Your Kid has a Mental Health Issue with Brooke & Todd Tilghman
Raising Mentally Healthy Kids with Michelle Nietert
In the second half of my conversation with the authors of Brooke and Todd Tilghman, they’re sharing their journey of supporting their oldest son Eagan through difficulty in school and mental health issues that arose as a result. In this episode, they explain why and when they chose to seek professional help for their son, what the process looked like for them as parents, the changes they made to promote Eagan’s mental health, and different ways we can “win” when our children struggle with mental health complications. Key points from our conversation: 🗣️ If your child...
info_outlineIn our last episode, I spoke with author Georgia Schaffer about what healthy grieving looks like for our kids. In the second part of our conversation we’re digging into how to talk to kids about loss and answering some of the questions we hear most like is it okay to use the word “death” with my kids? Should I have my children attend the funeral of a loved one? And is it okay to keep my kid out of school while they grieve? We also offer some practical suggestions of how you can help grieving families.
Key points from our conversation:
😢 When deciding how to tell your child about the death of a person or pet, consider what their experience has been with loss to this point and how the death occurred. Was it sudden or did you know it was imminent?
💀It’s okay to use the word “death” when speaking to your kids. Young children often don’t understand what “passed away” means. The more direct you can be, the better.
🐶 It’s not a good idea to replace a pet to hide a loss. The death of a pet is sometimes the first opportunity to prepare your kids with healthy mechanisms to deal with loss in the future.
💬Ask your children how they want to grieve. It could be a memorial service, drawing a picture, or writing a letter. There is no one way to grieve, it’s dependent on personalities. Just provide the child a chance to talk about what they experienced and allow them to work through it.
⛔ The fact that a person died is public knowledge, but how they died isn’t always for everyone. We need to be respectful of that. It’s okay to not know. Be careful not to overstate things.
🎒 If someone in the family dies it’s okay to keep your kid out of school, but not too long. Being a little busy is good to help you not get lost in the pain, but moving past the suffering too fast can stunt the grieving process.
⚰️ Talk to your kids about attending the memorial service of a loved one. If they’re not ready for a funeral, perhaps they might want to attend the viewing, graveside service, or process in a different way.
🗣️Some kids process verbally and need to talk about a loss, others only want to share a few words about what they’re feeling. If they do talk, help them feel heard by practicing reflective listening.
💕Some practical things you can do for grieving families include babysitting, getting the kids something off their wish list, giving money to be used toward food delivery services, and checking in on significant dates.
✨When kids lose a parent at a young age people think they’ll have trauma forever, but that child understands loss in a way others can’t. It helps them develop empathy and compassion the average person wouldn’t as well as equips them with a well-developed emotional vocabulary and resilience.
🧠 If a child is acting out or shutting down, get them a mental health check-up with a professional.
✝️ There is a time to grieve and a time to dance. Grief is hard, but there’s a lot of love that happens in that season. And you can bring that light to others when they grieve. We have hope in Christ that we’ll see them again.
⚱️ Think ahead about how you will handle loss. Talk about grief with your children before it happens. Ask what grief means to them. Planning isn’t being morbid, it’s being real.
💛 If you’re experiencing loss, allow others to love you well. If you can’t accept it, let others love your children.
Resources mentioned:
Mourning Glory Minute
When Dinosaurs Die: A Guide to Understanding Death
I Wasn't Ready to Say Goodbye: Surviving, Coping, and Healing After the Sudden Death of a Loved One
Become a Better Listener download