Raising Mentally Healthy Kids with Michelle Nietert

You’re listening to the raising mentally healthy kids podcast with host Michelle Nietert who’s been a licensed professional counselor for over 20 years, An award-winning Author, previous creator of a large school district crisis counseling program and the clinical director of community counseling associates located in the Dallas Texas area. With the increase in mental health statistics regarding kids and teens along with climbing suicide rates, Michelle is passionate about equipping parents To understand and talk with their kids about the mental health issues they encounter in our culture every day.

Empathetic Listening, Managing Screen Time, Adequate Socialization, and Back-to-School Anxiety 08/02/2022

Hope When Your Teen Struggles with Chronic Illness & Depression with Jennifer Dukes Lee & Her Daughter Anna 07/19/2022

Hope When Your Teen Struggles with Chronic Illness & Depression with Jennifer Dukes Lee & Her Daughter Anna Most of us don’t love change, but for our teens, times of transition can be especially stressful and lead to anxiety and depression. But don’t lose hope, parents! In this episode, I’m excited to share my conversation with author Jennifer Dukes Lee and her daughter, Anna about how their journey through Anna’s depression and chronic illness has actually made them closer and their faith stronger. We also discuss when to offer help, when to stick it out and when to move on, and Anna shares some practical things that have helped her process her emotions in a healthy way. Key points from our conversation: ❓ Teens have the biggest struggles during times of transition because of the uncertainty it brings. It’s common to run through “what-if” worst-case scenarios. They can reframe that thinking by remembering that things could be good and even if not, they’re resilient enough to bounce back. 💭 It’s hard to ask for help, especially if you’re a teen. But as a parent, if you notice flat emotions, disinterest in things your child used to enjoy, or lethargy, offer them the option to seek counseling. They may not have the energy to get help then, but it can assist them in beginning to think about how they plan to manage difficulties in their life. 🤝 It’s important to have a support system in place. We’re not meant to go it alone. We need community. 🎢 Getting better is not a linear process. Emotions are rollercoasters; they come in waves. There is not just one area of treatment to address. We must address the whole – mind, body, spirit, and environment. ✨ It can be difficult to know when to stick out a hard situation to build resilience and when to withdraw from an environment. If something is consuming your teen’s identity, consider making a change. Our kids need to be in a place they feel safe. We must consider what is best for our child in this season of their life. ☀️ A few practical things Anna has done that have helped are exercise, getting sunlight, reading the Bible, journaling, taking her medication, and surrounding herself with a supportive community. Name the emotion you feel, identify where you feel it in your body, and choose a movement to let it go. If we don’t process through emotions, they will loop and become more exaggerated. 💕 If your teen is struggling with depression, don’t lose hope. Jennifer and Anna are closer now than ever because they’ve experienced the struggle together and learned to trust God. Resources mentioned: Follow Jennifer: | | Follow Anna: | | /episode/index/show/counselorthoughts/id/23781782

How Our Thoughts Affect Our Physical Health with Debra Fileta, M.A., LPC 07/05/2022

How Our Thoughts Affect Our Physical Health with Debra Fileta, M.A., LPC The best way to teach our children healthy behaviors is by modeling them, but as parents, we often find ourselves too busy to exercise, eat healthy meals, or get enough sleep. In the second half of my chat with licensed professional counselor and author Debra Fileta, we discuss how faulty perceptions affect our decision-making, why seeking professional help for mental health is taboo in the Christian church, how our emotional health is linked to our physical health, and some practical ways to develop good sleep hygiene. Key points from our conversation: 🧠What you think impacts how you feel, which impacts what you do. When talking about mental and emotional health, we always want to start by addressing a thought process. 🚫Cognitive distortion is a faulty way of thinking that affects our decision-making. Examples include an all-or-nothing mentality, mindreading (assuming you know what another person is thinking), and catastrophizing. 🕒 It’s important to stay in the present instead of focusing on what happened in the past or what may happen in the future. ✝️ Often Christians are afraid to admit they need help because they believe it indicates a deficit of faith. Struggling with mental health does not reflect a character issue, it reflects a chemical issue. 🙁 It’s important to help our children process through the hard stuff. Trauma doesn’t have to be abuse or abandonment, it can be grief or disappointment. We often try to ignore trauma and hope time will heal, but things can get worse if not addressed. 🏃‍♀️ Your physical health is linked to your emotional health. We need to be intentional about regular physical activity, balanced nutrition, and adequate sleep and model it for our children. If you notice a pattern of disrupted sleep or a change in appetite, energy levels, or ability to concentrate, it could be a sign of a deeper issue. 💤 Some practical ways to develop good sleep hygiene include limiting screen time, aroma therapy, drinking something warm, limiting caffeine intake, and keeping similar waking and bedtime hours. Resources mentioned: Follow Debra: | | | /episode/index/show/counselorthoughts/id/23619875

How to Create Emotional & Spiritual Health in Your Home with Debra Fileta, M.A., LPC 06/21/2022

How to Create Emotional & Spiritual Health in Your Home with Debra Fileta, M.A., LPC I want to ask you a simple, but hard question - “Are you really okay?” In this episode with licensed professional counselor and author Debra Fileta, we’re focusing on how we as parents can do the hard work of building emotional awareness within ourselves so we can normalize talking about emotions within our homes. Debra also shares how our view of God, others, and self affects our spiritual health and offers a practical exercise you can do with your child to help them explore their emotions and create healthy conversations. Key points from our conversation: 🩹 Healthy people make healthy relationships. So much of what we learn is modeled, so one of the best things was can do is take care of ourselves. 🌋 It’s crucial that we build emotional awareness. If we don’t release the emotions building under the surface in healthy ways, they will show up in an emotional outburst. 🎨 To help your child unpack their emotions, try the “feeling in my body” activity. Have the child draw an outline of their body and have them color it using different colors to show emotions in the body. The magic of the exercise is in the conversation it creates. It normalizes that it’s good and normal to talk about emotions. ❓ There are over 500 different emotions. Asking questions expands your child’s emotional vocabulary and helps them discover what they’re feeling and why. ✨ Emotions are real, but they are not always true. What makes emotions right or wrong is not feeling them, but what we do with that feeling. Emotional control means lining up what you feel with God’s truth. ✝️ Our view of God, others, and self are a big indicator of spiritual health because we often transfer our hurts to what we think about God. We must know what we truly believe about God. If we believe the wrong things, then our actions are rooted in the wrong things. The why is crucial. ❤️ What you believe about yourself determines the kind of relationship you believe you deserve. Resources mentioned: Follow Debra: | | | /episode/index/show/counselorthoughts/id/23474594

Repairing Damage in Family Relationships with Ann Taylor McNiece, LMFT 06/07/2022

Key Communication Skills to Engage in Healthy Conflict with Your Family with Ann Taylor McNiece, LMFT 05/24/2022

Key Communication Skills to Engage in Healthy Conflict with Your Family with Ann Taylor McNiece, LMFT As much as we may try, we can’t avoid conflict and have healthy relationships. In this episode with Marriage & Family Therapist Ann Taylor McNiece, we’re sharing some skills to help you engage in healthy discussion and avoid conflict that destroys. While most of this conversation is focused on spouses, these communication skills will impact every relationship in your life and change the dynamic of your household. Key points from our conversation: 💍 All marriages struggle, but you can choose to engage in a way that shows honor or one that causes destruction. The first 5 to 7 years of marriage are hard with the hardest being the year when you have your first child. ❤️ A sound relationship begins on the firm foundation of knowing each other. Partners should begin by building a “Love Map,” which is the essential guide to your partner’s inner world. In an ideal relationship, you and your partner know each other better than anyone else. Start by listening to each other one minute at a time. 💋 Couples need to be comfortable talking about sex outside the bedroom. You’re also going to need to be able to talk to your kids about sex. 😡 Before engaging in a conflict discussion, emotionally self-regulate so that you can approach the other person softly. A hard approach can cause unwanted conflict. Don’t have conversations when you’re hungry, angry, lonely, or tired. 🕒 When you feel yourself moving out of your tolerance window, set a time and place to revisit the conversation. 🧠 Teach kids coping skills to use when flooded such as listening to music, watching a funny video on YouTube, or calling a friend. The “four horsemen” of conflict: Criticism – Criticizing your partner is different than offering a critique or voicing a complaint. Criticizing is an attack on your partner at the core of their character. Contempt - When we communicate in this state, we are truly mean. The target of contempt is made to feel despised and worthless. Contempt is the single greatest predictor of divorce. Defensiveness - This is typically a response to criticism. When we feel unjustly accused, we respond in a way that guards you so that you can’t get to the root of the issue. Stonewalling - Stonewalling occurs when the listener withdraws from the interaction, shuts down, and simply stops responding to their partner. Resources Mentioned: Follow Ann: | | /episode/index/show/counselorthoughts/id/23187161

Overcoming Dysregulation through Families Trying Softer with Aundi Kolber 05/11/2022

Overcoming Dysregulation through Families Trying Softer with Aundi Kolber In this episode, I'm continuing my conversation with author and therapist, Aundi Kolber and digging into what it looks like to try softer with our families and the profound effect co-regulation can have on our children's nervous systems. We also walk through a practical technique you can use to ground yourself and share some encouragement for parents who feel their house is constantly dysregulated. Key points from our conversation: ❓ Become curious about the type of home you grew up in. It will give you ideas and information about your own body. 🔎 Examine if there are things in your routine that habitually cause you anxiety. Notice how your body feels. Try grounding techniques – practices that use your 5 senses to bring you to the present moment. 🚀 "5,4,3,2,1 Blast Off" technique – identify 5 things you can see, 4 things you can hear, 3 things you can touch, 2 things you can smell, and 1 thing you can taste. ✨ Regulating is a skill. When we’re dysregulated, we don’t have the capacity to solve problems strategically. Anything you can do to build your regulation will produce more goodness and life because you can evaluate what’s working. 🧠 Our regulation shapes our children's nervous systems. The more we ground, it translates to them. The more you practice, the faster you can regulate 💛 If you grew up in a dysregulated home, honor that your response to how you've survived your life is valid. Have compassion for how hard it’s been to get where you are today. 🩹 Compassion brings integration that allows for growth and change. Every single moment is a new moment and the sooner you begin to turn with compassion for your own story and your kids, the closer you have ever been to healing. 🥰 When we find compassion for ourselves, we can extend it to our kids. 🤝 Cognitive knowledge does not equate to embodied knowledge. Kids need to experience co-regulation with you. They need safety to be able to be open to what it looks like to problem solve. 🗣️ Connect, then correct. Do they feel heard? Kids aren’t open to learning if their bodies are dysregulated. Resources mentioned: Connect with Aundi: | | | /episode/index/show/counselorthoughts/id/23009576

Moving Families Out of Anxiety, Stress, and Survival Mode with Aundi Kolber 04/26/2022

Overcoming Mindset Struggles with Brooke Tilghman 04/12/2022

Winning as a Parent When Your Kid has a Mental Health Issue with Brooke & Todd Tilghman 03/29/2022

Winning as a Parent When Your Kid has a Mental Health Issue with Brooke & Todd Tilghman In the second half of my conversation with the authors of Brooke and Todd Tilghman, they’re sharing their journey of supporting their oldest son Eagan through difficulty in school and mental health issues that arose as a result. In this episode, they explain why and when they chose to seek professional help for their son, what the process looked like for them as parents, the changes they made to promote Eagan’s mental health, and different ways we can “win” when our children struggle with mental health complications. Key points from our conversation: 🗣️ If your child tells you they’re struggling or self-harming, believe them and ask how you can support them well. 👂 School counselors may not be able to offer one-on-one counseling, but they are equipped to listen and connect parents with resources. ❓ A therapist can help by giving you knowledge so that you can ask your child better questions without violating their confidence. 🧠 If the mental health issue is severe, a counselor can send the child for an in-patient evaluation. If hospitalized, the child should be put on a treatment plan that helps them learn skills for healthy emotional processing. 🏥 Parents are often separated from the child for a short period after they’re admitted for in-patient treatment to give the child an opportunity to stabilize and focus on getting themselves well. Stays typically only last a few days before the child is sent home for a partial hospitalization program or intensive outpatient program. 🎒 You are your child’s biggest advocate. If their school environment is toxic and the administration is unable or unwilling to help, remove your child. There are multiple education options available. 🏆 We win when we confess our mistakes as parents. We win when we fight for our kids when things get hard. We win when we find others who can help in ways we can’t. We win when we ask our kids how can we help them. Connect with Todd: | | Connect with Brooke: | /episode/index/show/counselorthoughts/id/22596371

Getting Your Child Help for Depression with Brooke and Todd Tilghman 03/15/2022

How to Talk to Your Kids About Loss with Georgia Shaffer 03/01/2022

How to Talk to Your Kids About Loss with Georgia Shaffer In our last episode, I spoke with author Georgia Schaffer about what healthy grieving looks like for our kids. In the second part of our conversation we’re digging into how to talk to kids about loss and answering some of the questions we hear most like is it okay to use the word “death” with my kids? Should I have my children attend the funeral of a loved one? And is it okay to keep my kid out of school while they grieve? We also offer some practical suggestions of how you can help grieving families. Key points from our conversation: 😢 When deciding how to tell your child about the death of a person or pet, consider what their experience has been with loss to this point and how the death occurred. Was it sudden or did you know it was imminent? 💀It’s okay to use the word “death” when speaking to your kids. Young children often don’t understand what “passed away” means. The more direct you can be, the better. 🐶 It’s not a good idea to replace a pet to hide a loss. The death of a pet is sometimes the first opportunity to prepare your kids with healthy mechanisms to deal with loss in the future. 💬Ask your children how they want to grieve. It could be a memorial service, drawing a picture, or writing a letter. There is no one way to grieve, it’s dependent on personalities. Just provide the child a chance to talk about what they experienced and allow them to work through it. ⛔ The fact that a person died is public knowledge, but how they died isn’t always for everyone. We need to be respectful of that. It’s okay to not know. Be careful not to overstate things. 🎒 If someone in the family dies it’s okay to keep your kid out of school, but not too long. Being a little busy is good to help you not get lost in the pain, but moving past the suffering too fast can stunt the grieving process. ⚰️ Talk to your kids about attending the memorial service of a loved one. If they’re not ready for a funeral, perhaps they might want to attend the viewing, graveside service, or process in a different way. 🗣️Some kids process verbally and need to talk about a loss, others only want to share a few words about what they’re feeling. If they do talk, help them feel heard by practicing reflective listening. 💕Some practical things you can do for grieving families include babysitting, getting the kids something off their wish list, giving money to be used toward food delivery services, and checking in on significant dates. ✨When kids lose a parent at a young age people think they’ll have trauma forever, but that child understands loss in a way others can’t. It helps them develop empathy and compassion the average person wouldn’t as well as equips them with a well-developed emotional vocabulary and resilience. 🧠 If a child is acting out or shutting down, get them a mental health check-up with a professional. ✝️ There is a time to grieve and a time to dance. Grief is hard, but there’s a lot of love that happens in that season. And you can bring that light to others when they grieve. We have hope in Christ that we’ll see them again. ⚱️ Think ahead about how you will handle loss. Talk about grief with your children before it happens. Ask what grief means to them. Planning isn’t being morbid, it’s being real. 💛 If you’re experiencing loss, allow others to love you well. If you can’t accept it, let others love your children. Resources mentioned: Connect with Georgia: | | /episode/index/show/counselorthoughts/id/22284353

Empowering Your Kids to Grieve in a Healthy Way with Georgia Shaffer 02/15/2022

Empowering Your Kids to Grieve in a Healthy Way with Georgia Shaffer One of the questions I get asked most is how to talk to kids about grief. Unfortunately, there's no magic formula to speeding up the grieving process. And grieving isn't just about the loss of a loved one, there are a number of losses we grieve, from loss of a dream to loss of health. In the first half of my conversation with coach Georgia Shaffer, she explains what health grieving looks like. Key points from our conversation: 💊 Kids are more susceptible to addiction when a loss occurs. 😢 6-18 months after a loss can be more difficult due in part to the loss of support you get immediately after death. Shock and numbness wear off and reality sets in. 💔 The "Five Stages of Grief" - denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance – are not accurate. Grief takes far longer than anyone talks about. 🕰️ Time does not heal, it gives us tools and perspective to cope with our loss. 🤷‍♀️ We can’t ignore when our kids are grieving and we don’t understand why. 🥺 Modeling healthy grief means not ignoring the pain or covering it with busyness, comfort eating, or addictions. 😭 It’s okay to cry in front of your kids. It’s important to be able to talk about our feelings with our children. 😩 Sad is a basic emotion. Ask younger kids “how sad are you?” to gauge their level of emotion. Ask them when the last time they cried was. This is especially important with men to break the myth men don’t cry. If you don’t, it typically comes out in unhealthy anger. 😡 Dig deeper with words like "anger," "disappointed," "devastated," and "overwhelmed." Consult a feelings wheel to broaden your emotional vocabulary. ⛹️‍♂️ Everyone grieves differently. Some withdraw, while some want to talk. Try doing an activity with your kids to give them the opportunity to open up. ✨ No feeling is good or bad, it’s what we do with the feelings that can be negative. 🧸 Kids sometimes want to cry, but they can’t. Play therapy can help them reconnect to their emotions. ⏳ Parents will need to be patient as kids grieve. If you stop the grieving process too soon with smaller losses (pets, etc.), they may not be comfortable sharing about the bigger losses. 💨 We can only deal with the pain a little at a time, so you have to let the pressure out gradually. ☹️ People experience emotions differently. You cannot compare grief, even within a family. Your pain is your pain. 👩‍⚕️ Therapy can be helpful because kids aren’t always comfortable revealing certain feelings to their parents, especially if it’s about that parent. They need someone they feel safe and comfortable speaking to. 💙 It is not our kid's job to take care of our emotions. It’s our job to take care of them. Resources mentioned: Connect with Georgia: | | /episode/index/show/counselorthoughts/id/22113050