Are You Married to a Covert Narcissist? Red Flags, Weaponized Kids, and the Silent Erosion of You!!

Welcome back to The Path to Peace Therapy Podcast. I’m Stephanie Buckley, an AMFT Solution-Focused Therapist who specializes in ADHD, OCD, anxiety, depression, bipolar disorder and narcissism. I’m also a mom to a now-thriving 22-year-old neurodivergent son, and I’ve been married for over three decades. Every week, I help parents, partners, and professionals navigate the complex terrain of mental health and family systems. Today we’re talking about what it might feel like to still be in the marriage to still be living with someone who exhibits narcissistic traits, and what that slow erosion looks like from pregnancy to parenthood.

This episode focuses on a particular type of narcissist known as the covert narcissist, sometimes called the vulnerable or quiet narcissist. Unlike the grandiose type who seeks constant praise with overt charm or dominance, the covert narcissist operates through manipulation masked as martyrdom, helpfulness, or moral superiority. They don’t yell. They suggest. They don’t demand. They guilt. They don’t chase the spotlight. They control it from the shadows.

This type of narcissist often uses plausible deniability, gaslighting, and emotional withholding to erode your confidence while maintaining a façade of normalcy or charm. They're harder to spot than grandiose narcissists, but the emotional erosion they cause is just as real and often more pernicious.

Plausible Deniability means their behavior is always just subtle enough that if you call it out, you risk looking irrational or overly sensitive. They didn’t yell, they just “offered advice.” They didn’t ignore your accomplishment, they were just “distracted.” Because their actions fall into gray zones, you begin to doubt yourself. This constant second-guessing chips away at your reality, leaving you perpetually questioning your own perceptions.

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 To Book An Appointment The Path To Peace Therapy Website 

https://www.thepathtopeacetherapy.com/book-online

The Path to Peace Therpy Blog over 65 posts 

https://www.thepathtopeacetherapy.com/blog

Good Therapy

https://www.goodtherapy.org/therapists/profile/stephanie-buckley--20250310

Theravive

https://www.theravive.com/therapists/stephanie-buckley.aspx

This episode is for educational purposes and to provide support. They’re not a substitute for professional mental health evaluation, diagnosis, or treatment.”

The more we learn to recognize the signs behind the behaviors, the more compassion and support we can offer to our kids, our partners, and ourselves.

Thank you for spending this time with me. If this episode was helpful, I’d love it if you shared it with a fellow parent, caregiver, or educator who might need it too. You can also subscribe to stay up to date on future episodes and check out additional tools and resources at The Path To PeaceTherapy.com. Follow me on Instagram @The Path to Peace Therapy

And as always, take a deep breath, give yourself some grace, and remember: peace is possible, and you don’t have to do this alon