136 - Gergich in the Machine
It's Christmastown
It's a new era of stripping color from the world, and all anyone can ask is WHERE ARE YOU, CHRISTMAS? (), but first... Yeah, the audio thing was Dave's fault. I said it. THEME: "," from Crudbump, by Drew Fairweather PART ONE How I met your mother ... Doc Hollywood and Danny Wuerffel (again) ... Pleasantville, but Hallmark ... Back in the saddle ... Cast Rundown and Expositional Challenge ... Larded with Hallmark-movie metacognition ... Recognition, not comedy ... New Year's movies ... Nice vision of Christmas ... David Lynch's last film ... PART TWO Spot the...
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135 - An Open-Faced Hallmark Movie
It's Christmastown
We brought a murderer home who had an advent calendar kill schedule, and 'TWAS THE DATE BEFORE CHRISTMAS (), but first... A Christmastown message from TV's Andy Levy ... THEME: "," from Crudbump, by Drew Fairweather PART ONE Watching with a widow ... Implausible landlordism ... It's fine, it's a Chilis II ... Elevated basement, structurally self-aware ... The AI/Gattaca of Hallmark ... PART TWO Cast Rundown, Expositional Challenge and Plot Mop-Up: Bryan vs. traditional suits; Jessie and Christmas games ... No gazebo, no kiss ... Groening's a Karpluk ... Buckley...
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134 - Giving Millennial Pandering a Hand
It's Christmastown
DC PIERSON hitches a ride on a taco truck to THE SANTA SUMMIT (), but... Is that the blowjob guy? THEME: "," from Crudbump, by Drew Fairweather PART ONE Meet DC! ... Santacon: A cold version of St. Patrick's Day ... DC's Hallmark Wicker Man experience ... Southwestern pro-Christmas ... A 100-disc changer... PART TWO Cast Rundown ... The Expositional Challenge ... Plot Mop-Up: Ava's Ben crush; Liam and Mac, construction networking ... Parasocial cast relationships ... The Beesley Touch ... A movie made of extra bits... PART THREE Spot the Angel: Knowingly secular; Second Angel...
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133 - Women Laughing Alone with Christmas (Hockey Edition)
It's Christmastown
JAMIE KIRSTEN HOWARD lost her credit card and the clerk is CHECKIN IT TWICE (), but... We've already got the furry erotica! THEME: "," from Crudbump, by Drew Fairweather PART ONE Glitterburrito ... Georgia championship hockey ... How Hallmark casting works PART TWO Jamie's Christmas credentials ... Mariah-Grinch Continuum ... Is the Grinch horny? Furry? ... Cast Rundown ... The Expositional Challenge ... Plot Mop-Up: Deal-stealing boyfriend; Team Christmas Week; French-Canadian players ... Just settle! Like the rest of us! ... Covid-fueled throwback ... The Thee/Thou Threshold ......
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132 - Leftover Choirs Are How We Get Aunts
It's Christmastown
Our secret families said it's TIME FOR HER TO COME HOME FOR CHRISTMAS (), but first... Let's sing ... THEME: "," from Crudbump, by Drew Fairweather PART ONE Welcome to the cumbersome title, b*tch ... Cocoa in camo ... Throwback movie ... Cast Rundown ... Episode titles greatest hits ... The Expositional Challenge ... Plot Mop-Up: Secret aunt, choir exercises ... Valid Wicker Man ... "A little 'Get Out'" ... PART TWO Spot the Angel: Susan and Pastor John ... Eat Your Heart Out: Oh my God dude; James Bond cocoa; pot-pie protocol; eggnog pancakes; off gluten;...
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131 - Live, Donut, Repeat
It's Christmastown
MAURA QUINT & CHARLES STAR get trapped going ROUND AND ROUND () with us, but... Shut up, kids, it's the second episode of Hanukkah! THEME: "," from Crudbump, by Drew Fairweather PART ONE Chag Sameach ... We regret the errors ... It's good! ... Jew Belong meets war ... Good movie crammed into Hallmark, better than Christmas fare ... Crying at The Rock, Actually ... Jade PART TWO Cast Rundown ... The Expositional Challenge ... Plot Mop-Up: Maura's Monologue; dreidel-dependent f*ckups; dating-help time loop ... Nerd cred ... Your boyfriend/son will explain the nerd...
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130 - Curated Pilot, Dead Lobstermen
It's Christmastown
MEREDITH CLARK and Jeb travel to CHRISTMAS ISLAND (), but... The lighthouse made me so angry ... THEME: "," from Crudbump, by Drew Fairweather PART ONE Attracted to the Menendez Brothers ... Six years of sloth ... Brain-braising movie cred ... "Christmas Neutral" ... Fuck 30 Rock (Geographical) ... "A Christmas Kettling" ... OK glurge, insufficient bonkersocity ... PART TWO Cast Rundown ... The Expositional Challenge ... Plot Mop-Up: Christmas Guy Oliver, Grandpa Postal Santa; week nor'easter; anti-business business parents ... Discount billionaires ... Pilot, cook, flight...
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129 - The Almost Famous of Brain Cancer
It's Christmastown
We're checking out cemeteries for when MS. CHRISTMAS COMES TO TOWN (), but... You're gonna wanna braise that elf ... THEME: "," from Crudbump, by Drew Fairweather PART ONE Blood tests ... Letters to Santa: 'Are You Dead?' Edition ... New big TV ... Gatorade trauma basketball ... WWI of motion smoothing ... Jobless with SSRI's ... PART TWO Cast Rundown ... The Expositional Challenge ... Plot Mop-Up: College lover, Washington New England ... It's the terminal diagnosis show! ... Miss Christmas: Origins ... Cancer, Grief and Kindness: The Movie ... Commendably adult ... ...
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128 - Bring the Troops Back to Home Goods
It's Christmastown
JESSICA RITCHEY supports a HOLIDAY FOR HEROES () because: It's not a movie you watch, it's a pill you take ... THEME: "," from Crudbump, by Drew Fairweather ... PART ONE Save a Troop Child ... "Dad History" - Michael Jackson ... Jessica: Tubi Magus ... Treat Williams ... Marc Blucas ... Muscle Twink Death ... NCAA athlete ... BDUs, dad bod ... Hallmark Hall of Fame vs. This ... Hallmark's Jehovah's Witness energy ... Home Goods ... S'mores contest ... Slighting the troops ... PART TWO Cast Rundown ... The Expositional Challenge ... Plot Mop-Up: Military re-up; bringing...
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127 - A Gazebo Movie with Christmas Attached
It's Christmastown
Grab a 2x4 for the gazebo, it's A VERY MERRY BRIDESMAID (), but... Let's get back to the ugly Christmas sweater bachelor party ... THEME: "," from Crudbump, by Drew Fairweather PART ONE Meet me at the gazebo ... Sleepytime ... Bright Lights, Big Sweater ... O'Henry ≠ Bierce ... Long trip, short distance ... Self-improvement procrastination ... Christmas Eve/Day weddings/birthdays ... Knifed by your own brother ... PART TWO , hear the Fascist Date story ... Inside the Game ... Drizzle, the condom ... Institutional Haley Joel Osment bias ... Cast Rundown ... The Expositional...
info_outlineJONATHAN KATZ and SAM ADLER-BELL sail into history aboard the USS Christmas (2020), but first:
Let's go get hot chocolate!
THEME: "Fuck You If You Don't Like Christmas," from Crudbump, by Drew Fairweather
PART ONE
Meet Jon, Sam, Sam's grandma and Jon's mom! ... Happy story, death machine ... Cast Rundown ... Niven ... The Dual Expositional Challenge ... Was this fun? ... Can't think past the meatball ... Bald evangelism ... Cool planes ... Hanoi Hilton ... Ruin movies with college ... Not much USO ... Vietnam ...
Break: "I Bombed Korea," by Cake
PART TWO
Journalismism: The Moore-Bacon wedding; less important work; firefighter baby; staffed paper; "Mr. Bailey"; Maddie ruins lives; public-records incompetence; FOIA; stealing documents; New Yorker-ass paper; headlines; Maddie's email; streaming entertainment ...
Break: Original music by Chris Collingwood
PART THREE
Spot the Angel: Captain Chet ... A real talk about trauma ... MILF hunter ... Marines plane, yuletide ship ... Nick Frost ... Eat Your Heart Out: Dinner rolls; bacon; shared milkshake; NYC bistro in Wilmington, NC; NYC Waffle House; mistletoe martini; abundant hot chocolate; sucky chestnuts; candy cane gnawing ...
Break: Original music by Chris Collingwood
PART FOUR
The Hallmark Expanded Universe ... Overdetermined: Wine toss; ditched rival; the Grinch; trauma swappin'; "Daddy's Girl"; scared of Christmas ... Join the Patreon! ... Crossover: Flight of the Intruder; USS Milius; Man in the High Castle; Captain Chet Red Octobers it; a U-571 Christmas ... The Hallmark Voight-Kampff Test: Grinch Billy, troubled reader; every character; Maddie's horny widow mom, who only likes one child ...
Break: "Drop Da Bomb," by Party Posse
PART FIVE
Who's The Real Villain?: Disliking the military; facing reality; generational trauma; news' novelty bias ... Rating: 3 ... It's a Wonderful Boat! ... Jen Lilley gas face ... Niven didn't bring it ... Know Your Enemy Appreciation Station ...
Break: Original music by Chris Collingwood
PART SIX
The Leftovers: Aircraft carriers in NYC ... IMDB Dive ... Q-pilled Dorothy with clone Sam ... Joni Mitchell Appreciation Station ... Podcaster beefcake ... LBJ! ... Anna Chennault ... Robert Strange McNamara ... Smedley Butler ... Plugs! ... TYFYS ... Merry Christmas!
All other music by Chris Collingwood of Look Park and Fountains of Wayne, except: "Orchestral Sports Theme" by Chris Collingwood and Rick Murnane and "Take My Breath Away" by Berlin.
Follow Sam on Twitter: @SamAdlerBell
Follow Jon on Twitter: @KatzOnEarth
Order Jon's book here.