514-40 Years of Broken Trust to Safety & Celebration: A Christmas Miracle (Laura's Story)

514-40 Years of Broken Trust to Safety & Celebration: A Christmas Miracle (Laura's Story)

There is a kind of marriage pain that does not look dramatic.
It’s not an outward struggle.
Just a quiet ache.
A marriage that functions but does not feel alive.

Laura lived in that space for decades.

From the outside, her life looked good.
Forty years of marriage. Seven children. A faithful husband. A stable home. A shared faith.
Everything a good Christian marriage is supposed to be.

And yet, beneath the surface, something was missing.

Emotional Safety.
Real connection.
Being fully seen.

For a long time, she told herself she had nothing to complain about.
Her husband was faithful. He wasn't an alcoholic. He never abused her. He provided well for his family.

But inside, Laura carried a question she barely allowed herself to ask: “Is this really all there is?”

The Hidden Cycle That Brought Broken Trust

Even with her husband’s steadiness and Laura’s determination to be grateful, there was a painful habit that entered their marriage early on that would consistently rear its ugly head.

Her husband was addicted to porn.

This was their cycle for many years:
-Her husband would confess porn use.
-There would be repentance and renewed effort.
-Then, pressure would follow.

Laura would put the blame on herself, thinking, “If I did better, this would not happen.”

She read tons and tons of books, trying to better herself.
She kept respect for her husband.
She pursued intimacy, knowing it was important to him.

And still, the cycle kept returning.

So, she did what many wives do–she minimized her pain.
She told herself others had it worse.
After all, he worked hard. He stayed. He was a good man.

Why complain?

But the heart does not heal simply because we silence it.
And this belief that Laura had that it was on her was not only a lie… but it was heavy and destructive.

Decades of “Just Okay”

Laura kept carrying the weight of keeping the peace and enduring that vicious cycle of porn use.

So, she poured herself lovingly into family life.
She homeschooled their children.
She kept their home while he went to work, the way they were taught to do.

And yet, beneath the surface, she felt emotionally disconnected.

Alongside that, she felt there was no safe place to process her pain.
No one equipped to walk with her.
Even when reaching out to a Christian counselor, it wasn't quite enough.

So, she pushed her own pain down...for decades.

But pain does not disappear because it is ignored.
It simply goes underground.
And it shows up as numbness, distance, or quiet resignation.

Eventually, Laura realized something had to change. She could not continue living like this.

She told her husband he needed help for his porn addiction and that if he did not, they may need to consider divorce.

Her husband obliged, and they tried counseling together, which helped some. But it wasn't until he entered the work privately through the Coaching program that something different happened.

When Safety Was Introduced Into Her Marriage

Though Laura didn't know he was taking a marriage course (He shared he was taking an online class), she started to notice a difference in the way he showed up to their marriage.

He did not try to fix her or pressure her.
He did not demand that she change.
He began bringing home flowers, letting her know she was beautiful just the way she was, planning dates.
He became emotionally present.
Humble.
Gentle.
Safe.

He changed.

For the first time in their marriage, Laura began to feel celebrated for who she already was instead of feeling like he wished she were different.

She no longer felt like she had to earn love. She felt cherished, emotionally safe, and truly loved–just the way she was.

And it changed everything.

From Feeling Skeptical to Feeling Hopeful

After having heard a DYM podcast episode several years before these changes, Laura had closed herself off to the thought of DYM. But then, upon hearing an episode that we created for wives, she began to see the full picture more clearly and open herself up to the program. She decided to try it herself, even though she was still a bit skeptical.

She realized that what made the difference was not only the content, but the context.
She was no longer alone.
She had community.
She had a specific place to ask her specific questions about her marriage.

For the first time, Laura had a safe place to speak honestly and to process pain without being blamed.

She learned she could have a voice in her marriage. She could ask for help.
She learned intimacy did not have to be driven by pressure.
She learned she could say no to certain requests without any fear.

Most importantly, she learned she mattered.

40 Years of Marriage–And Hoping For Many More

“In short, it’s better than it has ever been.”

Our hearts filled up when she shared this with us.

Her husband is more in tune to what she needs and will go out of his way to bring in "delights"–if it's planning something special, bringing her flowers, or going along with Laura's spontaneous plans (even though he is the planner in the relationship!)

Also in the past few years, her husband has kicked his porn addiction for good and has remained in community through Delight Your Marriage, which has helped keep him accountable and growing. 

As for Laura, you can hear the joy and peace in her voice as she shares, “I never expected that it would be this good.”

Praise God.

There is no person too far gone and no situation too desperate for the Lord. He is a God that heals and redeems–hearts, habits, marriages, and so much more–because He cares for us.

And it is true for you too.

As we enter the last few weeks of the year, including celebrating the birth of our Savior, we invite you to remember what God has done and how much He loves you. Enough to send His son for you, as a defenseless child, to live a perfect life and one day die to pay the debt we could never have paid. 

And then to send His Holy Spirit–to counsel us and guide us. 

And even now, He is available to us to redeem and save the lost, heal our hearts, and be near to his children.

He loves us.
He loves you.

We hope you will keep this truth near to you these next few weeks and remember once again that He sent His son to redeem everything.

With love,

The Delight Your Marriage Team

PS - Want to bring the Delight Your Marriage Coaching to your church? Our next round of In-Person Training will be launching early 2026. Check out our website to learn more about the mission & vision of IPT and how you can bring it to your small groups & churches.

PPS - Wondering just exactly how healthy your own marriage is? Are you also surviving instead of thriving? Take our free Marital Health Assessment and see what your marital score is–and how we can help.

PPPS - Here is a quote from (another) recent Delighted Wife graduate:
"I took the Delighted Wife program. Coming into the program, I was so hopeless that my marriage could ever get better. My heart was full of deep hate for my husband - I had years of built-up unforgiveness and pain for all of the ways I felt he had hurt and abandoned me...I was deeply depressed and suicidal from the pain of the marriage. I constantly saw death as the only way to be free of this hole that I had dug for myself...Emotionally, I am a completely different person. My heart is full of love and joy over my marriage and gratitude to the Lord for the way He has grown me. The Lord literally pulled me out of the darkness and also has shown me how much I was negatively contributing to the marriage...This is the first time in the almost 3 years of marriage that I haven't wanted to leave. I see so much beauty in my marriage and my husband."