Delight Your Marriage
Husbands and wives were designed to be different. You want different things in marriage and intimacy on every level (emotional, spiritual, and physical). Whether you're a wife or a husband, whether you're suffering or pretty good... and you're looking for Bible-based insights and scriptural practical guidance on how to transform your marriage, you've found the right podcast! We have "transformation stories" that will inspire hope that putting into practice these principles, by God's grace, can truly change your intimacy completely. If you're looking to see how to transform your marriage sign up for a free Clarity Call, we can hear your story and work with you to determine if we are confident we can help you: https://www.delightyourmarriage.com/cc
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489-Harshness to Beautiful Kindness: Marriage Encouragement with Rhonda Stoppe
06/27/2025
489-Harshness to Beautiful Kindness: Marriage Encouragement with Rhonda Stoppe
Marriage is one of the greatest blessings — and one of the greatest refining processes — we can experience. But if we're honest, many of us carry regrets when it comes to how we've treated our spouse, how we've handled conflict, or the words we've spoken in frustration. We don't always recognize how often harshness sneaks into our marriage, chipping away at intimacy, connection, and joy. But here's the good news: God's love can heal, restore, and transform even the most regret-filled moments in your relationship. In a recent conversation with author and speaker Rhonda Stoppe, we unpacked the profound truth of living with "no regrets" in marriage — and the practical steps to get there. You Can Break Free From the Regrets Holding You Back Let’s be honest — we’ve all made mistakes in marriage, in parenting, in life. Those regrets? They can paralyze us. Rhonda reminded us that regret is often a weapon the enemy uses to keep us from becoming the women God designed us to be. But here’s the truth — God’s love washes those regrets away. Philippians tells us to “forget what lies behind and strain toward what lies ahead.” Even Paul had to lay his past down — his role in Stephen's death, his persecution of believers — yet God still used him powerfully. The same is true for you. Whether your regrets stem from the way you've treated your spouse, parenting mistakes, or deep wounds from your own upbringing, you are not disqualified from God's call on your life. The Destructive Power of Harshness in Marriage Rhonda unpacked something so practical yet so convicting: how often our inner thoughts turn harsh long before words ever leave our mouth. Ever had the entire argument with your husband in your head before he even walked through the door? I’ve been there! You play out the "you always" or "you never" narrative and boom — your harsh words fly the second he steps inside. But as Rhonda beautifully reminded us, love "believes all things" (1 Corinthians 13). That means believing the best about our spouse — assuming good intentions — not assigning negative motives. Harshness can destroy intimacy faster than almost anything else. It pushes our husband away emotionally. It makes our home a place he — and even our children — dread coming back to. The Courage to Repent: Humility Over Pride This hit me hard. Rhonda shared how pride keeps so many people from growth. It’s painful to look back and realize we’ve done things wrong for so long. But friend, God already knows it all — and still loves you. When we confess, repent, and humble ourselves before Him, He transforms us from the inside out. David's story is such an example. After his sin with Bathsheba, he didn’t make excuses. He repented with a broken, contrite heart — and God restored him. If harshness, selfishness, or regret has gripped your heart, your story isn’t over. God offers freedom, but it starts with humility. Are You a Harsh Spouse? How to Recognize & Change Harshness is sneaky. Many of us don't even recognize when it's become part of our communication. Rhonda described it as trying to control or hurt with your words to get your way — whether out of fear, frustration, or habit. Here are some signs of harshness in marriage: You regularly raise your voice or speak with a biting tone. Your family feels like they have to walk on eggshells around you. You replay your spouse's flaws in your mind more than their strengths. You assume negative motives for your spouse's actions. If that’s you — take heart! You can change. It starts with repentance, inviting God's Spirit to wash over you, and intentionally building new habits. Building a No-Regrets Marriage: Practical Next Steps Rhonda didn’t just leave us with conviction — she gave such hopeful steps forward: Get in the Word Daily God's Word renews your mind. Listen to scripture, write it out, feast on His promises like daily bread. Find Godly Community You need women around you who love Jesus and will speak truth in love — especially older, wise women. (#OldLadiesKnowStuff — I love that!) Choose to Believe the Best Make it a practice to assume good about your spouse. Remember how you did that when you were dating? Let’s bring that mindset back! Apologize & Repair If your harshness has caused damage — humbly ask for forgiveness. Your vulnerability can open doors for healing, even if it takes time. Cling to God's Love First Your happiness isn’t dependent on your husband's actions — it's rooted in how deeply you believe God's love for you. The Legacy You Build Starts Today I adored Rhonda's reminder that the home we build today — with love, forgiveness, humility — shapes our children's future marriages and their walk with God. You don’t want to look back with regret because of harshness or pride. But even if that's part of your story, God's grace offers a reset, starting today. We are rooting for you! May God's kind heart move your own heart to kindness today. God bless you! With love, The Delight Your Marriage Team PS - If you'd like to check out more of Rhonda's resources (She's great, isn't she?!), podcast, and books, please visit her website: https://www.rhondastoppe.com/ PPS - If the thought of being 'the harsh spouse' made you tense up in defense ("That isn't me! Besides, I wouldn't be harsh if x, y, z...") or made you tear up knowing that it's true, we invite you to a book a free Clarity Call. Kindness, patience, gentleness, and love CAN be the first response. Your marriage does not have to be filled with criticism and harshness. Your home can be light and joyful. Let us help you. We'd love to chat: PPPS - Here is a quote from a recent graduate: "Although on the surface, I would persuade myself I was ok, and that I was doing a good job as a husband, I knew deep down that something was wrong. My wife, though kindly and friendly (she is a lovely soul, who genuinely looks after my best interests), seemed apathetic to me at times, or unnecessarily critical...Completely unintentionally I had made my wife feel ignored, not attended to, and taken for granted… Communication was generally businesslike rather than affectionate. …As the program has gone on, huge strides have been made in our marriage. We now spend quality time together most meal times, we’ve started going out on dates again, we are much more playful than before and we enjoy being with each other. Most importantly, my wife has relaxed, she’s begun to trust me, and her true bubbly self is coming out into the open."
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488-Wives, Pleasure Is An Important Part of Life (Really!)
06/20/2025
488-Wives, Pleasure Is An Important Part of Life (Really!)
Wives, Pleasure Is An Important Part of Life (Really!) If you're a wife who feels like physical intimacy just isn’t for you... this post is for you. Maybe you’ve been hurt in the past. Maybe sex feels awkward, or painful, or even meaningless. Maybe it seems like something only he wants, and you just go along with it. If any of that resonates, I want you to know: you're not broken. You're not alone. And there is hope. When Sex Feels Disappointing or Painful in Marriage When I first got married, I was so excited. I had saved myself for marriage and imagined physical intimacy would be beautiful and bonding. But what I experienced instead was disappointment. It was physically painful, emotionally awkward, and deeply confusing. I felt ashamed, fat, insecure, and unprepared. My marriage at that time eventually ended in divorce. There was no biblical reason—I just couldn’t take the strife and anxiety anymore. I was devastated. I had followed what I believed was the right path, and yet my marriage still crumbled. And then, I drifted. I walked away from God's design, from purity, and into promiscuity. But God is a Redeemer. In time, He gently brought me back. I met a kind, respectful man, and with him, God showed me what healthy, healing intimacy could look like. And it has been a journey—one filled with slow growth, freedom, and true pleasure. Understanding God’s Design for Sexual Pleasure in Marriage Let’s be honest—many wives could take or leave sex. Some even hate it. And yet, God designed physical intimacy to be good—not just for your husband, but for you. You may have grown up in purity culture, where sex was labeled “bad,” “shameful,” or “off-limits.” Then suddenly, you get married and are expected to flip a switch and enjoy it. That’s confusing, to say the least! But what if we started thinking of pleasure the way God does? What if we saw it as a gift? You enjoy a clean house, right? You feel at peace, relaxed, energized. That’s pleasure. So why is it so hard to believe that sexual pleasure could be just as valid, just as worthy, just as holy? Why Christian Wives Should Value Pleasure in Intimacy God didn’t create intimacy only for reproduction or duty. He created it for joy, connection, healing, and pleasure. Even Song of Solomon celebrates sensuality—touch, smell, taste, sight, and sound. Pleasure is part of God’s design. It doesn’t have to end in orgasm or even intercourse to be sacred. A simple act like cuddling, stripping down just to rest in your husband’s arms, or a gentle caress can be deeply meaningful. An moment where you focus on intimacy without the pressure of a “goal.” It’s healing. It’s freeing. How to Begin Enjoying Intimacy Again—Even If You Feel Broken You don’t have to leap from disinterest to passion overnight. What if you started with just an inch in the direction of intimacy? A kiss. A caress. A flirty smile. That’s it. Then maybe next time, a little more. Intimacy doesn’t have to be all or nothing. It’s a dance. A progression. A fluid rhythm between two people who are learning how to love and be loved. Biblical Boundaries for Sex—and the Freedom Within Them I’ve seen it time and again—wives who once hated sex now pursue it with confidence and joy. Not because they’ve become someone they’re not, but because they’ve allowed God to rewrite their story. You don’t have to live stuck in shame, apathy, or duty. You were made for more. You were made for joy. You were made to receive pleasure—and not just physical pleasure, but the peace and playfulness that come from deep connection. You can laugh, relax, and actually look forward to physical intimacy. Even if you’re post-menopausal. Even if you’ve been through trauma. Even if you feel like you’re the one who’s “just not into it.” God can change it. He’s done it in me. He’s done it in hundreds of wives I’ve coached. And He can do it in you. With love & hope, The Delight Your Marriage Team PS - For more information on the Connection Sessions mentioned in the podcast, check out PPS - To learn more about our research on Biblical boundaries in marital intimacy, please visit PPPS - Here is a quote from a recent graduate: "So much of my prayer time was trying to pray for my hubs and me and us in our marriage and lamenting over the state of our marriage...it was so hard for me to engage in intimacy with my husband...Most times I just had to turn off my heart and pray and power through, which only served to make me even more avoidant of it...[Now,] I don't feel like I need a brick wall to protect my heart from my husband...Intimacy feels like a safe place...It's not intimacy's 'for him', it's ALWAYS intimacy for 'us'."
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487-He Died to Himself and She Decided Intimacy Needed to Change: Rebekah's Story
06/13/2025
487-He Died to Himself and She Decided Intimacy Needed to Change: Rebekah's Story
He Died to Himself and She Decided Intimacy Needed to Change: Rebekah's Story Rebekah didn’t sign up for marriage coaching. She wasn’t looking for help. In fact, when her husband first discovered us, she politely declined any involvement. He had found the podcast and was quietly listening, learning, and applying. She wasn’t ready. But he didn’t push. He didn’t demand. He just loved her. And that—his sacrificial, consistent, Christlike love—is what eventually opened her heart. When the Husband Leads and Goes First “He died to himself,” Rebekah said, describing her husband Noah’s transformation. “He was willing to love me even if I didn’t love him back.” It didn’t happen overnight. Noah committed to the Men’s Program during Rebekah’s pregnancy, often implementing everything he learned from recordings because he was unable to attend the live Group Coaching Calls due to work. He walked out the truth. And over time, Rebekah noticed. “I felt deeply that he was doing that for me,” she shared. “And that softened my heart.” Being Intimidated by Intimacy Rebekah’s journey around intimacy was painful. It was often physically painful. She didn’t enjoy it. She felt shy around it and blushed when the topic came up. She felt disconnected—from herself, from her husband, even from her own body. She also knew what was at stake. “Intimacy was already hard… but with kids, it could disappear completely,” she said. “I didn’t want that. For me. Or for our son.” She began to see how her challenges weren’t just affecting her—it was impacting her family. And when she realized how her own view of her body and sexuality could shape her child’s experience, she knew something needed to change. God Opened the Door for A Change of Heart in Intimacy “I had already been recommending DYM to others,” she laughed. “But I hadn’t done it myself. And I realized… maybe this was my turn.” What she discovered wasn’t just practical help. It was healing. Learning to Feel Safe One of Rebekah’s breakthroughs came in understanding safety—not just physically, but emotionally and spiritually. Through the program, she learned how to identify when her body was in fight-or-flight mode—and how to speak truth over herself: “My husband loves me. I’m safe. This is how he expresses love.” By renewing her mind with Scripture and applying our tools, she started to relax, receive, and even enjoy intimacy! And the community of women around her helped normalize what once felt foreign. Learning Healthy Boundaries—and Becoming a Daughter One coaching call stood out above the rest. The topic was boundaries—not as walls, but as the way we act like we truly are children of God. “I realized I wasn’t treating myself like I was God’s daughter,” Rebekah said, her voice trembling with tears. “And I needed to stop crossing boundaries in my own mind.” That moment launched a new season in her life—one where she no longer withheld emotionally, physically, or spiritually. Instead, she began living like someone deeply loved and worth loving. Becoming More Confident in Intimacy, Growing in Emotional Maturity, and More Here’s what she now walks in: Confidence in intimacy with her husband Emotional maturity and responsibility Joy rooted in Christ not circumstances A transformed mindset aligned with truth A deeper value for marriage than ever before She even said, “Going into this, I didn’t value marriage like I do now. But I believe God can save any marriage. He did it for mine.” Final Thoughts for If You Feel It's All Too Much... We know what it's like to feel like your marriage is hopeless. Like intimacy will never change. It will remain painful. It will remain disconnected. It will remain joyless. We also know how it feels to be unsure of a program like this. "Will it really work for me?" "Are the testimonies actually true?" "I see it worked for them, but my marriage is different. We are too far gone." Let us encourage you today: Your marriage is not too far gone. Yes, these testimonies, Rebekah's included, are true. And, by the grace of God, it does work and change marriages. Your intimacy does not have to remain joyless and painful and disconnected. It can be joyful, enjoyable, and connected. Let's end with a prayer: Heavenly Father, you know this one. You know who needed to hear this message and who needed to read these words. Father, would you bless them in their marriage. Would you bring them the healing they've been longing for. Would you give them divine patience, mercy, and grace for their spouses and divine ideas on how to love them well. Would you give them the inspiration and encouragement they need and remind them how deeply loved they are by you. In your holy name, we pray, Amen. With love, The Delight Your Marriage Team PS - If you want to know more about the Women's Program that Rebekah mentioned, that helped her go from dreading intimacy to looking forward to it with excitement, we have a free Masterclass available for you. Consider it a free sample! :) Check out to register. PPS - Here is a quote from (another) recent graduate: "Not being able to connect or communicate well. Very little vulnerability on both sides. Perfectionism. I felt like the kids and I could never be good enough. I could not share my heart or thoughts on something without being judged so I didn’t. Being cherished was something I tried not to think about because it felt too impossible... [Now,] I’m more confident, playful, happily and intentionally imperfect... I’ve learned to rejoice in the Lord always! I can’t believe how much has changed in our marriage just by imitation! Because I have modeled imperfection, playfulness, and being easily pleased, the tension and critiquing in our marriage and home has gone way down. We are having so much more fun!"
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486-How a Strong Identity Defeats Shame: Interview With Pastor Drew Hyun
06/06/2025
486-How a Strong Identity Defeats Shame: Interview With Pastor Drew Hyun
How a Strong Identity Defeats Shame: Interview With Pastor Drew Hyun Maybe you're a leader in your church, a high achiever at work, or a dedicated family man—but deep inside, you feel the sting of shame. Maybe it's from mistakes in your past, struggles in your present, or simply the pressure of not living up to what you think you should be. Here’s the good news: you don’t have to carry it anymore. Pastor Drew Hyun—lead pastor of Hope Church NYC and executive director of Emotionally Healthy Discipleship—shares how God’s love offers a radical solution. Not just theologically, but practically. In this powerful teaching, originally given to our men's community, Drew walks us through how to eradicate shame through our identity in Christ. These truths brought tears to the eyes of many men in our program—and it’s easy to see why. Because when you truly grasp how deeply you’re loved by God, everything changes. The Root of Shame: Why Our Identity Feels So Fragile Pastor Drew’s upbringing was marked by harsh parenting, deep wounds, and religious hypocrisy. His father—who eventually became a well-known pastor and author—was emotionally and physically abusive at home, even as he preached about how to raise a godly family. Drew grew up trying to reconcile this contradiction, and his early life was shaped by a relentless drive to succeed, perform, and hide his struggles. Whether you’ve experienced something similar or not, many of us understand that tension: performing on the outside while hiding pain on the inside. And when we can’t live up to the image we’ve created—shame creeps in. But here's the turning point: our identity doesn’t come from performance or other people's approval. It comes from Christ alone. Emotional Health Is Spiritual Maturity As Pastor Drew shared with us, "You cannot be spiritually mature while remaining emotionally immature.” It doesn’t matter how impressive your resume is, how many sermons you’ve heard, or how many Bible verses you know—if your wife experiences you as unloving, cold, or critical, then something is broken. Spiritual growth isn’t just what you do in public. It’s who you are in private—especially with those closest to you. The call to emotional health is not just self-help. It’s a discipleship issue—and a doorway to freedom. Public Life vs. Private Life Social media, church culture, and cultural expectations often tempt us to present a polished version of ourselves. But that disconnect between our public image and private reality breeds shame. Drew shares how discovering integrity—being whole and consistent, not perfect—transformed his life. He uses this beautiful definition of humility, rooted in the Latin word humus (meaning grounded): “Humility is not thinking less of yourself. It’s thinking of yourself less.” When you’re grounded in God’s love, you no longer need to perform. You can walk in truth, freedom, and consistency—the marks of a mature man of God. Overcoming Shame Through Christ-Centered Identity Shame loses its power when you know who you are in Jesus. Culture tells you to look inside yourself or to please your family and community. But both of those paths eventually fail. Only God's love is unchanging. Here’s a mantra Pastor Drew repeats often: "In Jesus, I am fully loved, fully accepted. Nothing to hide. Nothing to prove. Nothing to fear." That’s your anchor when insecurity hits. That’s your firm footing when shame comes knocking. When you remember this truth, you can stop hiding and start living. What It Means to Be a Bold Yet Humble Christian Leader So what does healthy Christian leadership look like? It’s not puffed-up pride. And it’s not self-defeating shame. It’s humble boldness—a leadership style rooted in identity, not insecurity. Drew points to Jesus as our ultimate model. He is both Lion and Lamb—powerful and gentle, bold and self-sacrificing. When your worth is secure in Christ: You don’t feel inferior to anyone. You don’t feel superior to anyone. You can love boldly and lead without fear. As Drew puts it, “I don’t need to perform. I just need to show up as my honest self—and be a conduit of God’s love.” Why Your Marriage Is a Miracle in the Making Your marriage isn’t just for your happiness—it’s a sign and wonder to the world. Ephesians 5 calls marriage a “mega mystery” that reflects the love between Christ and His Church. That means your pursuit of your wife—emotionally, physically, spiritually—is a living picture of Jesus' relentless, selfless love. Even if things feel strained right now, even if your wife is distant or hurting—your love still matters. Your kindness. Your self-control. Your forgiveness. Your joyful pursuit. They point to the God who never gives up on us. Final Thoughts: You Are Deeply Loved—Right Now You might feel like you’ve failed too much or that your shame disqualifies you from being a great husband. But that’s not what Jesus says. As Drew puts it, “You are more sinful than you dare believe. And more loved than you dare hope.” That truth sets men free. So if you’ve stuck your foot in your mouth, if your wife seems distant, if your spiritual walk feels stale… Take a deep breath. You are fully loved. Fully accepted. Nothing to hide. Nothing to prove. Nothing to fear. With love, The Delight Your Marriage Team PS - If you're ready to be discipled and join a community of men or women that are passionately pursuing Christ and His purpose their marriage, we would love to talk to you! Check out delightyourmarriage.com/cc for more information. PPS - Here is a quote from a recent graduate: "Years ago I prayed to God for a short life. I didn't want to break my marriage vow, but I didn't see how I could be happy with him and it was getting harder as the children became adults...Now I enjoy spending time with him...Physical intimacy is better than ever. He cares about me and I feel secure. When we come together physically, we feel closer and both of us look forward to it! I miss him when he gets busy with work and would be devastated if something happened to him."
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485-Strength from Suffering
05/30/2025
485-Strength from Suffering
Strength from Suffering Let me start with this: the enemy wants you to believe that when hard things happen, you're done for. You’re weaker. You’re broken. That you can’t be used by God anymore. But that’s a lie. The truth is—God uses the hard things. He doesn’t waste our pain. In fact, Scripture tells us over and over again that it’s through trials that our faith, character, and hope are built. The God Who Sees You and Knows You Psalm 139 is one of my favorite passages because it’s such a clear reminder: God knows everything about you. He knows your name. He knows what you’re up against. He even knows the number of hairs on your head. Not only is God all-knowing and omnipresent—but He is with you in your heartache. He understands the depths of your pain. He is not far off. When You're Facing Trouble-Lean in, Don't Run In our home, we’ve gone through a season of back-to-back trials. Maybe you’re there too. But here’s what I’ve learned: running from pain doesn’t produce growth—leaning into it does. Jesus promised us in John 16:33 that there would be trouble in this world. But He also promised us His peace. Not peace like the world gives—but peace in the midst of chaos. Endurance is Grown in the Fire I want you to really let this truth soak in: “Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials… for you know that the testing of your faith produces endurance.” – James 1:2–4 Another translation puts it this way: “Consider it an opportunity for great joy.” – NLT It’s not automatic joy—it’s an opportunity. A choice. A lens to see your situation through. That’s why we need Scripture deep inside us—it reframes the pain. What Doesn't Kill You... Can Sanctify You Yes, this is hard. But what if you started saying: “This is hard—and I love a challenge”? God allows us to struggle so we can grow the muscles we need—just like a good father teaching a child to walk. He doesn't always swoop in. Instead, He gives us space to build spiritual endurance. And when endurance grows? Character grows. Hope grows. That’s Romans 5. And hope, the Bible says, does not disappoint. The Danger of Distraction in a Culture that Numbs One of the biggest traps we face in hard seasons is distraction. Social media. TV. Scrolling. Escaping. But that doesn’t heal. It delays. It numbs. If we want to grow in God’s strength, we must lean in. Let the Scripture simmer in our hearts. Let the pain teach us. What is the Gift in This Situation? When things are hard, ask yourself: “What is the gift in this?” Even if your spouse is rejecting you over and over again… what if this is the exact thing God is using to grow your spiritual resilience? I tell my boys all the time, “You’re learning perseverance right now.” And maybe, so are you. You Can Grow in Love–Even When Marriage is Hard Whether or not your spouse is loving you well right now, you can still choose to lean in. You can still love. Still serve. Did you know that your brain actually releases happy chemicals when you serve someone else? That means if you’re hurting—serving someone can literally make you feel better. Final Thoughts You have a choice today. You can become bitter, cynical, disappointed in God—or you can say: “God, I trust You. There’s something here I can’t see yet—but I know You’re good.” We don’t get to tell God what He should’ve done. But we do get to trust that He’s a good Father. And when we do that... We find His peace, His presence, and His purpose—even in the midst of pain. We are rooting for you. We know God has good things for you. And whatever is going on right now that seems to much to bear, know that God will, He WILL, use it for good. With love, The Delight Your Marriage Team PS - If you're interested in healing your marriage and learning more about our programs, check out our FREE Masterclasses: & PPS - Here is a quote from a recent graduate: “Biggest struggles were with being unhappy, feeling hopeless about a positive future with him, not feeling accepted or seen, feeling like all he needed from me was physical intimacy and admiration but didn't care to know me or care about me. I felt unhappy and hopeless... (After Delighted Wife), I have had many celebratory moments! We are having more fun together, more intimacy in our sharing, much better physical intimacy...Now I enjoy spending time with him, look forward to dates and vacations, and we laugh and work things out together. I believe we are a great team! It's a miracle that we enjoy and like each other again."
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484-Love Jesus More Than Your Pain: Jennifer's Story
05/23/2025
484-Love Jesus More Than Your Pain: Jennifer's Story
Sometimes, God answers your prayers in a way you don’t expect. That’s how Jennifer’s journey began. She and her husband had been married for 30 years, with three beautiful daughters. On the outside, everything seemed steady—but inside, Jennifer was silently struggling. Depression, anxiety, deep wounds from trauma, and the weight of parenting adult children had left her feeling exhausted and emotionally distant from her husband. She was in a dark place. But God. Her husband was the first to find Delight Your Marriage. Quietly, he joined our men's program. At first, he didn’t even tell Jennifer. She just started to notice something changing. A peace in him. A gentleness. A stronger connection to God. Moved by what she saw, Jennifer said yes to his invitation to explore the women’s program. What followed was a spiritual discipleship journey that would not only transform her marriage—it would transform her heart. How Christian Marriage Coaching Transformed Her Heart One line within the program touched Jennifer’s heart: “I needed to love Jesus more than my pain.” It wasn’t even directed at her during the call, but something about it resonated so deeply with her. She realized that in her grief and disconnection, she had allowed pain to take a front seat in her heart. But Jesus wanted her whole heart. She confronted lies she had believed about herself, her marriage, and her role as a mother and wife—and let God’s truth replace them. She allowed God to break the chains of shame and fear, and instead chose freedom and forgiveness. Emotional and Physical Intimacy in Marriage Restored One of the most beautiful outcomes of Jennifer’s story is the transformation in her intimacy with her husband! “It wasn’t about frequency,” she said. “It was about connection. And now we’re truly connecting—emotionally, spiritually, physically. We’re more vulnerable, more united, and more in love.” That emotional and spiritual shift opened a door to true intimacy—something both of them had longed for but never fully accessed. And it all started when she began to let God love her—and let herself believe it. How Christian Marriage Help Can Impact Parenting Jennifer is a mother to three adult daughters. And though parenting adults has its own challenges, her healing began to spill over into her family life. With newfound clarity on how women are designed by God to be loved—safe, known, and whole-heartedly cherished—Jennifer began to understand how to mother her adult daughters in a way that honors their hearts. She started recognizing what they needed emotionally, just like she had discovered in herself. Even though parenting adult children can be complicated and painful, she now walks in hope—not shame. God is restoring what was broken. Handling Conflict in Marriage Without Spiraling Jennifer and her husband also found a new way to approach emotional triggers. They call it “spiraling.” This emotional awareness and God-centered communication brought a new peace to their marriage. They don’t fight the way they used to. Now, they support each other through those low moments and move forward with unity. A Message to the Wife Who Feels Hopeless in Her Marriage When I asked Jennifer what she’d say to a woman in the same spot she once was, her answer was so honest and full of faith: “There’s hope in Jesus. Be brave. Even if your husband is the problem, you can still change your heart—and it can change your marriage.” She continued: “This program has figured out how to help you out of crisis. Even if you’re emotionally shut down, even if you feel like things can’t get better—they absolutely can. God is in the business of healing, and He uses this process to restore hearts and homes.” The Power of a Women’s Christian Coaching Community Jennifer also found healing through the community of women she met through the program. “It was such a gift to talk about things we never could talk about with friends—especially around sex and intimacy. The support, the prayer, the connection... it’s unlike anything I’ve ever experienced. Women need this.” She felt seen, supported, and strengthened by walking this journey with other women in a safe, faith-filled environment. Christian Marriage Healing: A Beautiful New Chapter Today, Jennifer says her marriage is more joyful, more tender, and more united than ever before. They’ve always been best friends—but now they’re more emotionally connected, spiritually aligned, and fully present for one another. “There’s nothing I can’t share with him now,” she said. “God gave us a beautiful marriage—but now we’re living it with freedom, honesty, and deep love.” Final Thoughts We are so thankful for work that God did in this marriage and the way it not only impacted Jennifer and her spouse, but their children and future generations. He truly is a God of redemption. With love, The DYM Team PS - If you're ready to take the next step and join a community of like-minded people wanting to build their marriages God's way, we would love to hear from you: PPS - Here is a quote from (another) recent graduate: "I was on the verge of separating from my husband. Things had taken such a turn for the worse between us that life was not sustainable for me as things were going. My husband joined the program and I noticed some changes in him. Things started improving but we had a lot of healing to do; I had a lot of healing to do...We've been to several counselors before this point and my husband wasn't interested in finding another one. He had asked me to join the Delighted Wife program before but things were too broken and I was not willing to do a program that I thought was only about getting me to have more sex with him...But, after seeing him change some and knowing we needed help, I agreed to the program. While sex was a part of Delighted Wife, there were so many other areas for me to focus on first. It laid the foundation for a better and healthier relationship overall. The intimacy part follows."
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483-The Truth About Female Desire: Interview with Dr. Juli Slattery
05/16/2025
483-The Truth About Female Desire: Interview with Dr. Juli Slattery
If you’re a wife who loves God and loves your husband, but you’re wondering… Why don’t I want sex? Why does my husband want it more than I do? Am I broken for not desiring intimacy? …you’re in the right place. We want to remind you that you are not broken. You’re not alone. And God isn’t disappointed in you. In this conversation, we sit down with the incredible Dr. Juli Slattery—clinical psychologist, author of 14 books, and founder of —to talk about real struggles Christian wives face around intimacy, low desire, and how to walk toward healing with God’s help. What Causes Low Sex Drive in Christian Wives? This is one of the most common issues I hear from women: “My husband wants it more. I feel bad. I don’t know why I don’t want it. Help.” Dr. Slattery shares that many wives don’t have a lower drive—just a different kind. Men typically have what’s called an initiating drive, while women often have a responsive drive. That means she doesn’t feel desire until after closeness begins. That’s normal! But sometimes, low desire is more complex. Some deeper causes may include: Past sexual trauma (even from within marriage) Body image issues and insecurity Pain during sex or hormonal changes (like menopause) A lack of emotional safety or unresolved conflict Shame from upbringing or purity culture Misunderstandings about what sex is really for Often, it’s not one thing—it’s several. That’s why this isn’t a quick fix. It’s a journey of healing and understanding. And most importantly—it’s not your fault. What Does God Say About Sex in Marriage? We often assume a great sex life just means “compatibility.” But as Juli beautifully shared: “Great sex isn’t about compatibility. It’s about growing in unselfish love.” And that’s biblical. God designed marriage and sexual intimacy to reflect His covenant love: faithful, intimate, sacrificial, and joy-filled. When we chase after that picture—His heart for sex—it brings healing, safety, and even delight. Here are the 4 pillars of covenant sex that Juli teaches: Faithfulness – Can your spouse trust you emotionally and physically? Intimate Fellowship – Are you open with each other in heart and spirit? Sacrificial Love – Are you serving each other instead of demanding? Passionate Celebration – Is sex a space for joy and rejoicing? “I Want to Want Sex… But I Don’t.” What Should I Do? If that’s your heart cry, there’s hope. Juli and I walked through several gentle, practical steps to help you move forward: 1. Pray—Every Day Invite God into this part of your life. Juli prayed for months before even telling her husband. God cares. He will meet you here. 2. Start with What You Do Want Maybe you don’t want intercourse—but you’d like to cuddle. Or feel safe naked. Or be able to enjoy touch again. That’s a great start. 3. Change the Inner Narrative Rather than thinking, “I have to,” begin gently rehearsing, “I want to enjoy closeness. I want to connect with the man I love.” 4. Use Physical Support Tools like organic lubricants, non-intercourse intimacy, or vibrators (with agreement) can be helpful. Give yourself permission to explore. 5. Communicate with Your Husband If he’s safe, loving, and kind—invite him into this healing journey with you. Let him support your heart, not just seek pleasure. But Isn’t It Selfish to Focus So Much on Sex? That’s a valid concern—especially for Christians. But here’s what Juli shared that really struck me: “God designed sex to bless both husband and wife. This isn’t just about serving him—it’s about your healing, too.” Sex is not just physical. It’s emotional. Spiritual. It touches the most tender parts of our story. If you’re avoiding it completely, it might be time to gently ask: What wounds need healing? What lies am I believing? This is not about becoming a sex expert—it’s about becoming whole. A Christian Wife’s Invitation to Intimacy Whether you’ve been married 3 years or 30, God’s not done with this part of your journey. Even if sex has been painful, shame-filled, or complicated… He can redeem it. Even if you feel distant, numb, or uninterested… He can awaken new joy. You’re not “less than.” You’re not “too late.” You’re not “too much.” You’re beloved. And intimacy can become a gift again. Resources to Help You Begin If today’s blog stirred something in you, we'd like to encourage you to take one step forward. God meets us there. Listen in: Full Episode with Juli Slattery available here and on your favorite podcast streaming service Explore: – Authentic Intimacy New Book (July 1): Surrendered Sexuality: How Knowing Jesus Changes Everything For more information on our Coaching Programs: Final Thoughts You're not alone. God is in this with you. Let Him lead. And let Him love you in this part of your story. With love, The DYM Team PS - If you haven't checked out Dr. Juli's book yet, you can check it out here: PPS - For more information on our Coaching Programs, please visit . We would love to connect with you!
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483-The Truth About Female Desire: Interview with Dr. Juli Slattery
05/16/2025
483-The Truth About Female Desire: Interview with Dr. Juli Slattery
If you’re a wife who loves God and loves your husband, but you’re wondering… Why don’t I want sex? Why does my husband want it more than I do? Am I broken for not desiring intimacy? …you’re in the right place. We want to remind you that you are not broken. You’re not alone. And God isn’t disappointed in you. In this conversation, we sit down with the incredible Dr. Juli Slattery—clinical psychologist, author of 14 books, and founder of —to talk about real struggles Christian wives face around intimacy, low desire, and how to walk toward healing with God’s help. What Causes Low Sex Drive in Christian Wives? This is one of the most common issues I hear from women: “My husband wants it more. I feel bad. I don’t know why I don’t want it. Help.” Dr. Slattery shares that many wives don’t have a lower drive—just a different kind. Men typically have what’s called an initiating drive, while women often have a responsive drive. That means she doesn’t feel desire until after closeness begins. That’s normal! But sometimes, low desire is more complex. Some deeper causes may include: Past sexual trauma (even from within marriage) Body image issues and insecurity Pain during sex or hormonal changes (like menopause) A lack of emotional safety or unresolved conflict Shame from upbringing or purity culture Misunderstandings about what sex is really for Often, it’s not one thing—it’s several. That’s why this isn’t a quick fix. It’s a journey of healing and understanding. And most importantly—it’s not your fault. What Does God Say About Sex in Marriage? We often assume a great sex life just means “compatibility.” But as Juli beautifully shared: “Great sex isn’t about compatibility. It’s about growing in unselfish love.” And that’s biblical. God designed marriage and sexual intimacy to reflect His covenant love: faithful, intimate, sacrificial, and joy-filled. When we chase after that picture—His heart for sex—it brings healing, safety, and even delight. Here are the 4 pillars of covenant sex that Juli teaches: Faithfulness – Can your spouse trust you emotionally and physically? Intimate Fellowship – Are you open with each other in heart and spirit? Sacrificial Love – Are you serving each other instead of demanding? Passionate Celebration – Is sex a space for joy and rejoicing? “I Want to Want Sex… But I Don’t.” What Should I Do? If that’s your heart cry, there’s hope. Juli and I walked through several gentle, practical steps to help you move forward: 1. Pray—Every Day Invite God into this part of your life. Juli prayed for months before even telling her husband. God cares. He will meet you here. 2. Start with What You Do Want Maybe you don’t want intercourse—but you’d like to cuddle. Or feel safe naked. Or be able to enjoy touch again. That’s a great start. 3. Change the Inner Narrative Rather than thinking, “I have to,” begin gently rehearsing, “I want to enjoy closeness. I want to connect with the man I love.” 4. Use Physical Support Tools like organic lubricants, non-intercourse intimacy, or vibrators (with agreement) can be helpful. Give yourself permission to explore. 5. Communicate with Your Husband If he’s safe, loving, and kind—invite him into this healing journey with you. Let him support your heart, not just seek pleasure. But Isn’t It Selfish to Focus So Much on Sex? That’s a valid concern—especially for Christians. But here’s what Juli shared that really struck me: “God designed sex to bless both husband and wife. This isn’t just about serving him—it’s about your healing, too.” Sex is not just physical. It’s emotional. Spiritual. It touches the most tender parts of our story. If you’re avoiding it completely, it might be time to gently ask: What wounds need healing? What lies am I believing? This is not about becoming a sex expert—it’s about becoming whole. A Christian Wife’s Invitation to Intimacy Whether you’ve been married 3 years or 30, God’s not done with this part of your journey. Even if sex has been painful, shame-filled, or complicated… He can redeem it. Even if you feel distant, numb, or uninterested… He can awaken new joy. You’re not “less than.” You’re not “too late.” You’re not “too much.” You’re beloved. And intimacy can become a gift again. Resources to Help You Begin If today’s blog stirred something in you, we'd like to encourage you to take one step forward. God meets us there. Listen in: Full Episode with Juli Slattery available here and on your favorite podcast streaming service Explore: – Authentic Intimacy New Book (July 1): Surrendered Sexuality: How Knowing Jesus Changes Everything For more information on our Coaching Programs: Final Thoughts You're not alone. God is in this with you. Let Him lead. And let Him love you in this part of your story. With love, The DYM Team PS - If you haven't checked out Dr. Juli's book yet, you can check it out here: PPS - For more information on our Coaching Programs, please visit . We would love to connect with you!
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482-Loving Your Spouse Well When You Feel Down
05/09/2025
482-Loving Your Spouse Well When You Feel Down
Loving Well When You Feel Down Even the strongest marriages go through hard seasons. Whether you're facing emotional burnout, stress, or feeling spiritually distant, it's easy to feel like you have nothing left to give in your relationship. So how do you love your spouse when you feel depleted? This post is your quick “reset”—a reminder of what really matters in marriage and how to keep moving forward, even when your heart feels heavy. Why Your Marriage Matters in God’s Eyes Jesus gave us two commandments that anchor everything else: Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength. Love your neighbor as yourself. And your closest neighbor? It’s your spouse. Your marriage is a reflection of how you walk out our love for God. Even when it’s hard. What to Do When You Feel Emotionally Empty in Marriage We all go through tough seasons. Illness Financial stress Parenting challenges Mental health struggles It’s in these moments that we have to boil it down to the essentials. When you're empty, don’t try to fix everything. Just focus on God’s call to love—simply and sincerely. Here’s what that looks like: Essentials for a Husband: Love Her as Christ Loves the Church What does that mean, practically? Make her feel safe. Don’t push, pressure, or demand. Be her steady place. Make her feel known. Ask her about her heart. Get curious about her thoughts, not just her to-do list. Make her feel cherished. Hold her. Smile at her. Take her on a walk. Celebrate her quietly and tenderly. These don’t require a perfect mood. They require intentionality. And the reward is deeper connection—even in the middle of life’s mess. Essentials for a Wife: Respect, Admiration, and Wholehearted Intimacy This can feel especially hard when you’re drained. But again, focus on the essentials: Use respectful words. Even if you’re not in the best place emotionally, try phrases like “Thank you for working so hard,” or “I admire how you handled that.” Don’t argue or snap. Let kindness guard your tongue, even when emotions are high. Offer intimacy with a full heart. This isn’t about obligation. It’s about loving your husband in a way he receives love—with joy and generosity, even if you don’t initially feel it. When You're Struggling—Love Anyway This is the path Jesus modeled for us. We don’t love our spouse because they deserve it. We love them because Jesus asks us to love—sacrificially, tenderly, in the way the other feels loved. When you’re struggling and all you can do is offer “just the essentials,” that’s enough. God sees your heart. And He blesses your obedience. Final Thoughts Next time you feel like you can’t give anything more—come back to this. Read it again. Pray again. Take just one small action. Unity is still possible. Even when you are down. With love, The DYM Team PS - If you're ready to take the next step in healing your marriage, we would love to chat with you. Schedule a free Clarity Call at PPS - Here is (another) quote from a recent graduate: "We argued constantly! Literally almost daily. The constant arguing was mentally and physically exhausting! It felt impossible to have peace or joy if my husband was around. It was affecting me so deeply that I was struggling with intense fatigue...[After Delighted Wife], we can actually enjoy each other, we can actually focus on other things. I am not experiencing such intense fatigue all the time and am feeling like I can start getting back to being a productive human. My devotional and prayer time are spent seeking God, seeking Him in the scriptures, trying to catch His heat through His word rather than lamenting and focusing on all the bad. "
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481-Church Scandals Aren’t Random: How Ignorance Paves the Way for More Harm
05/02/2025
481-Church Scandals Aren’t Random: How Ignorance Paves the Way for More Harm
Church Scandals Aren’t Random: How Ignorance Paves the Way for More Harm A Funny, Painful Story (That’s Actually Very Relevant) Before we dive into heavy stuff, let me tell you a story. 4 weeks and 2 days ago... Picture this: I’m flat on my back, in the middle of the street, 20 feet away from a car that thankfully didn’t roll over me. I’m convinced something’s stabbing into my heart. Pain is shooting through my body in so many places. A kind lady rushes from her porch to help me hobble to safety while the ambulance is called. As I wait there's constant pain, but when I move in certain ways it suddenly becomes utterly excruciating. No idea what I hit. No idea what actually happened. Things were going great for the two hours I was on my OneWheel before the accident. What the heck happened? And what is happening now? Some neighbor kids stop and check in. I ask them to pray for me and I lead them in a prayer in Jesus name... that was a comfort from strangers. The ambulance finally arrives -- after it seems like forever -- and load me onto a stretcher. They were sure I dislocated my shoulder and were insisting to pull me up. I knew that wasn't what was wrong. I was embarrassingly vocal about not being helped up. I seemed to feel every single pothole on the way to hospital. Arriving in the hospital... the random excruciating shoots through my chest continued -- oh, and so did my resulting involuntary screams. (No recordings were taken, thank God :) So, the morphine helped and the oxy-whatever they gave me next. But what really changed everything was the x-rays. They finally discover the truth: My clavicle was snapped clean through. Knowing what was actually wrong changed everything. I finally had clarity. I finally had a path toward healing — real healing — not just numbing the pain. I finally could understand how to move in a way that avoided the excruciating pain and actually kept things in place to heal most effectively. THIS is what’s happening in the Church right now. We have an injury. It's bad. Really, really, really bad. But instead of diagnosing it, we often just take some spiritual "morphine" — slap on platitudes, excuses, or cover-ups — and hope healing happens. It doesn't. Tragically, thousands of new cases are reported yearly... in the church of Jesus Christ around the world. This is horrifying. And the Church's sexual scandals are not random. They are not "one-off" tragedies.They are the result of deep, hidden roots — an injury we have to address if we want healing. Church Hurt: Ignoring the Pain Doesn’t Heal It If I had ignored my broken clavicle, kept "powering through," or simply taken painkillers to numb it? It would have actually healed wrong.Permanently damaged.Maybe even required major surgery to fix later. The Church is at that critical moment.If we don't stop and x-ray the damage — truly diagnose the underlying break — it won't just stay bad. It will get worse. That’s why these scandals feel endless. They are symptoms of deeper problems never addressed. Church Scandals Are Not Random Accidents The fall of a pastor or leader is often treated like a shocking, isolated event. "He must have just slipped up!""It was a moment of weakness!" But the truth is, these scandals follow patterns. Unchecked small compromises.Isolation.A culture that produces an environment where pastors must be superhuman. Double lives hidden by fear and shame.Lack of sexual stewardship. These are not random falls.These are predictable results of invisible fractures left untreated. The Enemy Wants Our Ignorance Satan thrives when we stay ignorant. When we don’t know the roots, we can't heal them.When we don't expose the darkness, it festers and infects the Body of Christ. Paul makes it clear we shouldn't be ignorant of how the enemy attacks: "In order that Satan might not outwit us. For we are not unaware of his schemes." (2 Cor 2:11) Jesus warns us: "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy." (John 10:10) When sexual sin in leadership is ignored, minimized, or hidden, it does exactly that:Steals faith.Kills trust.Destroys credibility. We must be wise.We must stop assuming "it could never happen here."We must learn how to recognize the roots before they bloom into ruin. Why Sexual Sin Wounds So Deeply & How to Heal Sexual sin isn’t "just another mistake."Biblically, it’s in a category of its own: "Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body." (1 Corinthians 6:18) When a leader sins sexually, it's a double wound: Personal: They defile their own body, the temple of the Holy Spirit. Corporate: They shatter the credibility of the Gospel they once preached. People who were already fragile in their faith see hypocrisy... and walk away not just from a leader, but from Jesus, Himself. The wound runs deep. But Jesus takes it seriously. Jesus didn’t say: "Try not to look at porn if you can." "Lust is understandable, just don't act on it." No. He said: "If your right eye causes you to stumble, gouge it out... It’s better to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell." (Matthew 5:29) Jesus used extreme language because sexual sin matters that much. We should not downplay what Jesus took so seriously. When leaders indulge in pornography, prostitution, or affairs, they are objectifying someone God created. That woman on a screen is a daughter of the King of Kings. A daughter who He even gave His only son to save. Cover-Ups Are Spiritual Oxycodone It’s easier to slap a spiritual Band-Aid over a scandal than face the ugly truth. "Let’s quietly remove him." "Let’s not make a big deal; it might hurt the church’s reputation." "Let’s just forgive and move on." That’s spiritual oxycodone — numbing the pain without healing the break. Without truth and exposure, the infection worsens.The pattern repeats.More people get hurt. Real love doesn’t ignore cancer.Real love demands we discover it and deal with it. That's actual love. And Exposure Alone Isn’t Enough Here's the other mistake:Thinking that "going public" fixes the problem. It doesn’t. Exposure without a healing plan leaves broken people bleeding in the streets. Just like my broken clavicle needed realignment, time, careful handling and care — fallen leaders (and hurting congregations) need intentional healing journeys. Healing isn’t automatic. It’s hard. It takes time. It takes wisdom. It takes safe people. But it’s possible. Healing the Church Starts with Us You may be a small group leader.A volunteer.A pastor’s wife.A youth mentor.A faithful Sunday worshiper. You are part of the Body.And when one part is sick, the whole body suffers. We cannot afford to shrug and say, "Not my problem." The future witness of the Church depends on believers who are awake, wise, and willing to act. The Band-Aid Problem Let me just say it plainly: Covering up a church scandal with "just pray for him" or "let’s not talk about it" is like slapping a Batman-themed Band-Aid on a bullet wound and sending the guy back into battle. He's going to bleed out. And so is the faith of everyone watching. We need real surgery, not stickers. What Next? What Pastors and Leaders Need If you’ve been wounded by a scandal —If you’re grieved by the hypocrisy —If you’re tired of seeing Jesus’ name dragged through the mud — You are not alone. Healing is possible. But it starts with exposing the real problem and walking through the hard, beautiful journey of restoration. Lord, help us. Heal Your Church. Give us courage to see clearly and love deeply. Be Part of the Solution: Discover through a Free Training Join me for a free training:Heal the Church: Exposing the Hidden Roots of Sexual Scandal and the Path to Healing Let's stop putting Band-Aids on bullet holes.Let’s start real healing. Sign up today: Healing starts with discovery. Healing starts with understanding.Healing starts with you. With love, Belah & Team PS - If you are ready to make a change in your marriage, to be free from sexual sin, to have accountability and community, we encourage you to make the call. Schedule a free Clarity Call at PPS - Here is a quote from a recent graduate: "My self worth was in the dumps. I was always looking for affirmation from my wife and she from me. Neither of us delivered - neither could deliver enough. I questioned my leadership positions at work and at church, just never feeling like I was the right guy to lead... [Now,] I'm taking ownership. This is my home. This is my marriage. She is my wife. Ours is a union blessed by God. In taking my roles as husband, father, help mate more seriously, my whole family has begun to benefit. The man's role is not to simply coexist, but to lead the marriage and family. I can make a difference in the family by leading to and with God."
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480-When Lust No Longer Rules Your Mind: Patrick's Freedom Story
04/25/2025
480-When Lust No Longer Rules Your Mind: Patrick's Freedom Story
When Lust No Longer Rules Your Mind: Patrick's Freedom Story It’s a quiet kind of bravery that often goes unseen. The kind that walks through the door not to applause, but to shame—and chooses humility instead of hiding. That’s the kind of courage Patrick brought into this conversation. And today, I want to honor that bravery and invite you into a story that too few are willing to tell, but so many need to hear. How Addiction and Lust Took Root in Patrick’s Life This is not just a testimony—it’s a mirror for so many men. Maybe even you. Patrick didn’t set out to become enslaved. No one does. It started with what seemed like innocent attention, where his lack of parental love likely was at the root. A college-aged ego boost. A swipe here. A message there. A few flirty words on a dating app. But what he didn’t know was that the enemy had planted seeds. And what felt like harmless validation from unmet needs, eventually spiraled into addiction, and eventually betrayal. But God— Yes, this is a story of rock-bottom moments. It’s a story of a man whose addiction, lust, and even prostitution came to light in the most painful and humiliating way. But it's also a story of a God who meets us in our darkest, filthiest, most shameful pits—and brings us into the light. And you’ll hear how it happened for Patrick. The Heartbreaking Wake-Up Call: What His Daughter Found The real wake-up call came when his wife found the proof. Actually—his daughter did. Yes. Patrick’s 6-year-old daughter accidentally discovered the messages. Gut-wrenching. Embarrassing. Devastating. That moment of exposure was the very thing that broke him enough to seek healing. Now, he calls it a “blessing”. The devil thrives in secrecy. He whispers, "Keep this hidden.” “It’ll only hurt people if you share.” and “You can fix it yourself." But Jesus says, "Bring it into the light. Tell safe people. Confess. I will heal you." Patrick did. And his life changed. Why Hiding Hurts—and Confession Heals But let’s rewind for a second. Because this story didn’t begin with healing. It began with desperation. After that discovery, Patrick didn’t know where to turn. He thought he might lose his wife. And to be honest, she had every reason to walk away. But then, a friend—someone who had been through the program himself—spoke life. This friend had also been in the trenches and knew what it was like. And he offered Patrick a lifeline: “It’s not over. There is hope. You should look into Delight Your Marriage.” Patrick took a Clarity Call. It wasn’t a sales pitch. It wasn’t about convincing him to join a program. It was a discerning process to see if we could even help. And praise God, we could. The Hard Work of True Freedom: Identity, Humility, and Accountability That’s when the real work began. You’ll hear in this episode the specifics: how Patrick confronted the dual life he was living, how he wrestled with white-knuckling through sobriety, and how he came to reject the identity of "I’m just always going to be an addict." Because that’s not how God sees us. Patrick realized something deep and transformational: When we stay tied to the identity of our past sin, we remain bound by it. But when we accept the truth that we are a new creation in Christ, the chains begin to fall off. That doesn’t mean the road is easy. Not at all. Patrick will tell you: it was hard. It took humility. It took accountability. It took honesty. And it took work to discover what were the roots of the addiction. But today, Patrick is walking in freedom. Freedom from shame. Freedom from the fear of being found out. And his marriage? On it’s healing journey. Better than ever. Not because everything’s perfect, but because there is now a foundation of truth, transparency, and most importantly—Jesus. He prays with his wife now. He prays for her. He opens the Bible daily. He’s leading his family spiritually. He’s serving his wife—not as a passive man trying to survive, but as a man who is reclaiming his God-given masculinity. That’s the kind of freedom God offers. Hope for Families: When Betrayal Breaks Your Heart So if you’re a husband who’s been hiding, hoping no one finds out, let this be your wake-up call. You are not alone. And more importantly, you are not without hope. Or maybe you're a wife who discovered your husband’s secret. Maybe your heart is shattered, and you don’t know how to put the pieces back together. Let this testimony be your whisper of hope. God is in the business of redemption. Patrick’s wife is living proof. And if you're a pastor—or married to one—or you’re in leadership and wrestling with the same chains, please don’t think you’re exempt. You’re not. And that’s okay. This is for you, too. Free Resources to Help You Heal: Training and Clarity Call That’s why I want to invite you into a free training: This training is specifically for those who want to understand how deep this issue runs in our churches—and what we can do about it. Whether you’re battling lust yourself or you’re trying to help others—this is your equipping. You can also take the next step like Patrick did and book a free Clarity Call: delightym.com/cc There is hope. There is healing. And it doesn’t come from trying harder or hiding longer. It comes from surrendering and allowing God to rebuild you from the inside out. Patrick’s story is not just his own. It’s a glimpse of what God can do in any marriage, any man, any home. Let this episode remind you: when lust no longer rules, love begins to lead. Don’t miss it. Listen now. And please, if this touches you—share it. You never know who’s in the dark, needing to hear there’s light. With love, Belah Resources: Free Training: Healing the Church from Sexual Sin Free Clarity Call: Find out if one of our programs is right for you
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479-Healing Sexual Sin & Shame through the Cross (and Curiosity): Interview with Jay Stringer
04/18/2025
479-Healing Sexual Sin & Shame through the Cross (and Curiosity): Interview with Jay Stringer
Healing Sexual Sin & Shame through the Cross (and Curiosity): Interview with Jay Stringer There is something so incredible about a story of redemption. And, dear reader, I believe this conversation will be a turning point for you, as it has been for so many in our community. I’ve walked alongside men and women wrestling with the deep pain of sexual brokenness- the battles they face in their marriage beds, their thought lives, their past, and the weight of shame. I’ve seen firsthand the power of God to restore what seemed utterly lost. And this conversation with Jay Stringer is an invitation to that very healing journey. Jay is a therapist, minister, researcher, and author of Unwanted: How Sexual Brokenness Reveals Our Way to Healing. His compassionate, curious approach offers a fresh lens: that the very behaviors we hate are not random. They are clues. And they point us to healing. On this Good Friday, as we reflect on the sacrifice of Jesus, there is no better time to consider what it truly means to lay our shame at the foot of the cross. Let’s dive in. The Cross and Your Story of Healing We all carry wounds. Some we’re acutely aware of, and others we’ve buried so deeply that they show up in our actions long before we recognize them in our hearts. Jay opened our conversation by pointing us to the profound truth of the cross. Jesus knew exactly what you would do. Every mistake. Every moment of shame. And yet, He chose to take it all upon Himself. He bore your sin and your shame. This is not a journey of trying harder to be good enough. It’s about understanding how deeply Jesus loves you, even in your lowest moments, and choosing to respond to His love with a courageous step toward healing. Unwanted Behaviors: They Are Not Random One of the most freeing truths Jay shared is this: our unwanted behaviors are not random. Through his extensive clinical work and groundbreaking research, Jay discovered that the specific ways we struggle are deeply connected to our stories of origin. Jay explained that in his role as the sex addiction therapist for the city of Seattle, he began to see patterns. Men arrested for soliciting sex were not making random choices. Their actions were connected to predictable stories of pain and trauma. Whether you grew up in a home of neglect, where your heart longed for connection and was left empty, or in a home of rigid control, where you felt powerless and unseen, these early experiences shape the way you cope and the behaviors you pursue as an adult. Your brain, your body, your desires are all responding to unhealed wounds. Understanding the Root: Family Systems and the Power of Priming Jay described two primary family systems that often set the stage for future struggles: The Disengaged Family System: Parents were physically or emotionally absent. Your longing for connection was never fulfilled. When you first experienced the neurochemical bond of pornography or sex, it felt like the deepest connection you had ever known. The Rigid, Authoritarian Family System: Parents were hyper-controlling, using performance or religion to shape you. You felt powerless and suffocated. Pornography, in contrast, offered a false sense of control and power over your environment. Both systems prime you for certain temptations. And recognizing this isn’t about blaming parents or excusing behaviors. It’s about gaining understanding. Because understanding is what allows us to grieve. And grieving opens the door to healing. As Jay says, “You can't just try to stop an unhealthy behavior. You have to understand why you were drawn to that behavior in the first place.” Shame Keeps You Stuck. Curiosity Sets You Free. As Christians, we know the seriousness of sin. But too often, we try to hate our way to holiness. We believe that if we punish ourselves enough, we’ll finally change. But, the Apostle Paul tells us that it is God’s kindness that leads us to repentance (Romans 2:4). Not our contempt. Not our loathing. Not our self-hatred. Jay encouraged us to replace self-contempt with curiosity. Ask yourself: Why am I drawn to this behavior? What is the pain underneath my actions? What does this reveal about my longing to be seen, known, and loved? When we approach our story with curiosity, we give God space to reveal the roots of our pain. The Shark of Shame: Swim Toward It Jay also shared a fascinating metaphor that I just love: Professional shark diver Andy Casagrande was once asked what to do if a great white shark is swimming toward you. His answer? Swim toward it. If you swim away, you act like prey. But if you move toward the shark, it confuses the predator, and it backs away. Shame operates the same way. When we run from it, it devours us. But when we confront it — facing it head on, sharing vulnerably in trusted community, seeking counseling, and naming our wounds — we rob shame of its power. Swim toward the shark of shame. Face it. Name it. And watch as it loses its grip on your life. Jesus Took Your Shame to the Cross This is where our faith becomes not just helpful, but essential. The world offers coping strategies, but Jesus offers complete redemption. He didn’t just take your sin to the cross; He took your shame. Through His death and resurrection, we are invited into freedom. If you’ve ever felt like your past disqualifies you from God’s love, let me remind you: Jesus knew your struggles when He went to the cross. He went anyway. He has already made a way for you to live in righteousness, peace, and freedom. This is the hope of Easter. The hope of the Gospel. From Crisis to Calling: Your Story Matters So often, the crises of our lives — the shame, the addictions, the brokenness — are actually invitations to transformation. Jay shared that in the absence of elders to guide us through rites of passage, our souls will create crises that force us to confront our identity and our wounds. Rather than run from the crisis, we can see it as a holy opportunity. Your struggle is not the end of your story. It’s the beginning of a new chapter. When you engage your story with honesty and curiosity, you step into the redemption God has for you. You become part of His story of restoration — not just for you, but for others. Final Encouragement: There Is Hope for You Dear friend, this journey is not about perfection. It’s about progress. It’s about engaging your story with curiosity, leaning into the kindness of God, and walking the path of healing, step by step. Jesus took your sin. He took your shame. And He rose again to give you new life. This Easter, may you embrace the truth that resurrection is possible for you, too. You are deeply loved. You are seen. You are not alone. Happy Easter. With love, Belah & Team PS - Check out Jay’s book here: PPS - If you want to take the first step into freedom and healing your marriage, schedule a free Clarity Call with us at PPPS - Here is a quote from a recent graduate: “My husband and I lived parallel lives almost our entire marriage…The only thing he wanted from me in the relationship was sex. That was the last thing I wanted to give him because I was exhausted from trying to be the super mom and head of the household. This caused a rift in our relationship…After a separation in our own home we each began our own counseling…Both of our counselors questioned if a form of sex addiction might be part of the problem. I dove into trying to learn everything I could about sex addiction. I joined a 12 step group for spouses of sex addicts. That program is about avoiding unhealthy sexual behaviors. I didn’t even know what healthy sexual behaviors were. After 4 years of marriage counseling and feeling stuck in a marriage that was barely hanging on, I discovered your program. I found hope for my marriage and began to see my husband in a different light”
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478-How 20 Years Of Painful Miscommunication Became Beautiful Unification: Stephen's Story
04/11/2025
478-How 20 Years Of Painful Miscommunication Became Beautiful Unification: Stephen's Story
If you have ever felt disconnected with your spouse- particularly in the area of communication- this episode is especially for you. Steven and his wife, Tracy, walked through more than two decades of disconnection. Twenty-five years is a long time to feel lost in your marriage. To feel like no matter what you try, you just can’t find your way back to each other. They loved God. They were raising six children together. They wanted their marriage to thrive. But somehow, they kept missing each other. Their communication felt off, and it wasn’t just about words—it was about how every part of their life as a couple felt misaligned. Marriage Problems After 25 Years: Feeling Stuck and Disconnected Steven and Tracy did what many couples in their situation try to do. They sought help. They met with counselors and pastors. They heard wise advice. But for some reason, it just didn’t seem to stick in their day-to-day lives. They felt like they were doing all the right things, yet their relationship still felt strained. The alignment they hoped for—spiritually, emotionally, practically—kept slipping through their fingers. It’s hard to describe how wearying that becomes over time. You start to wonder if it will ever change, or if you’re destined to just live alongside each other, rather than truly enjoy the beauty of partnership that marriage is meant to be. Signs of Hope: When One Spouse Begins to Change What began to open things up wasn’t what Steven expected. He started to notice a softness in Tracy. A new warmth in her communication. She seemed more open, more willing to engage in conversations in a way that felt safe and inviting. And that tenderness in her sparked something in him. He realized, deep in his heart, that he wanted to experience that same kind of shift. He didn’t want to keep circling the same frustrations. He wanted his heart to change too—not just so things would feel better, but because he longed to love her well. There’s something so beautiful about that. Sometimes, it’s the gentle transformation in one spouse that awakens the hope in the other. And that’s exactly what happened for Steven. How Focusing on Personal Growth Can Transform Your Marriage What truly began to move the needle for Steven was recognizing where his focus had been all along. For many years, like so many of us, he had been looking at his wife’s responses, her choices, her attitude. But when he started to reflect more deeply, he realized the bigger breakthrough would come from within himself. That shift—from focusing outward to focusing inward—was a game changer. Instead of waiting for Tracy to change, he opened his heart to the changes God wanted to do in him. He began to see how his own patterns of thought and communication were shaping their dynamic. And as he leaned into that growth, the atmosphere of their marriage began to change. Learning to Communicate Better in Marriage Steven described it as learning to dance. For years, he and Tracy were moving to different rhythms. Even when they had good intentions, they kept stepping on each other’s toes. When you don’t know the steps, no matter how much you love the other person, the dance feels clumsy. Missteps are frustrating and discouraging. But as Steven grew in understanding and grace, he began to move in rhythm with his wife. He learned how to lead with humility and gentleness. And as he did, Tracy responded. She became more willing to follow his lead—not because she was forced to, but because it felt safe and loving to do so. Their dance transformed from awkward steps to something fluid, connected, and beautiful. Why Humility Is Key to a Stronger Marriage What I find so deeply inspiring about Steven’s journey is the way he embraced humility. He didn’t cling to pride. He didn’t stay stuck in frustration, demanding that his wife change first. Instead, he knelt before God—both literally and figuratively—and opened his heart to being transformed himself. That posture of surrender made space for God to work powerfully in his life and marriage. And it’s a reminder for all of us: no matter how broken things feel, when we choose humility and invite God into our hearts and homes, He begins to weave a story of redemption that’s more beautiful than we could have imagined. What a Healthy Marriage Looks Like After Healing Today, Steven and Tracy still face challenges, but what’s different now is how they handle them. What used to take days, weeks, or even months to resolve now takes minutes—sometimes even seconds. They’ve learned to recognize when they’re drifting out of alignment and come back quickly to unity and connection. Their marriage isn’t just surviving anymore. It’s thriving. There’s joy. There’s intimacy. There’s a deep excitement about what God is continuing to do in their relationship. It’s a miracle of grace, truly. There Is Hope for Your Marriage, Too Friend, if you find yourself where Steven once was—tired, discouraged, wondering if things will ever change—I want you to hear this clearly: there is a way forward. Take courage. Let hope rise in your heart. Open yourself to the possibility that the story isn’t over—and that the next chapter could be more beautiful than you’ve imagined. With love, Belah & Team PS - Want to know more about the current health of your marriage? Take our free Marital Health Assessment to discover your Marital Health score and receive further insight on next steps. PPS - Here is a quote from (another) recent graduate: “Tension between us is pretty much gone! Our relationship, our discussions have become much more peaceful, easygoing and playful than before. My wife has become more affectionate and has initiated intimacy more! We can now discuss physical intimacy and not argue. She has told me many times how she likes the changes she sees in me…Other people around us, even strangers, have noticed something different about us.”
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477-How to be a Good Sexual Man: Interview with Sam Jolman
04/04/2025
477-How to be a Good Sexual Man: Interview with Sam Jolman
How to be a Good Sexual Man: Interview with Sam Jolman Men, have you ever wished someone had sat you down and given you the sex talk you really needed—not the awkward, surface-level version, but a conversation that spoke to your heart, your masculinity, and how all of that relates to your sexuality and how God designed you? That’s exactly what therapist and author Sam Jolman offers in his book The Sex Talk You Never Got: Reclaiming the Heart of Masculine Sexuality. I was deeply honored to have him on the Delight Your Marriage podcast for a conversation I believe every man and every wife needs to hear. Below are some highlights from our conversation—rich truths that stirred awe, healing, and even some tears. We hope you can listen in on the podcast and check out his newest book, available everywhere books are sold. What Does It Mean to Be a “Good Sexual Man”? Sam shared how the term “good sexual man” often sounds like an oxymoron in our culture. If someone says a man is “very sexual,” we usually don’t take it as a compliment. But what if masculinity and sexuality are meant to be good—designed by God, filled with honor, love, and even awe? Sam invites men to recover their God-given sexual goodness, not by ignoring the brokenness, but by acknowledging it and moving through it—through experiences of shame, silence, even possible harm into healing, wholeness, and holiness. He said, “The issue isn't too much sexual desire—but too little heart.” Your heart was meant to be connected to your sexuality, and it is something that many of the men he speaks with have trouble bringing into their sexuality. Masculinity Reclaimed: More Than Behavior Management Too often, conversations around male sexuality in the church revolve around “behavior management”—Am I behaving or not? Am I sinning or not? But Sam urges men to ask deeper, more hopeful questions: What kind of lover am I?Do I pursue my wife emotionally, not just physically?Have I honored the wounds in my story that made me vulnerable?Have I mistaken my brokenness as only sin, when it’s also about being wounded? This is not about making excuses—it’s about seeking healing and becoming the kind of man who loves deeply and well. Awe, Sensuality & the Glory of a Woman’s Body This part of our conversation brought me to tears. Sam quotes author Mike Mason who described his wife’s naked body as glory. And Scripture supports this—glory is what is veiled in the Bible, not hidden out of shame, but out of reverence. What if we, as wives, were seen like that? What if our husbands truly beheld us as the masterpiece of God—with awe, wonder, tenderness, and joy? It is what every wife is truly longing for. And what Sam beautifully points out is—this isn’t about trying to say something simply to please your wife. It’s about opening your eyes to the beauty God has already placed in front of you, for your pleasure, for your joy, and for your worship. Jesus: The Model of the Sensual and Strong Man Jesus was the manliest of men. He endured the cross, the lashing, the pain, all without complaint. But He also wept over the death of His friend. He was moved with compassion.He made excellent wine for a wedding! And as Sam so beautifully brought up, he received tenderness from a woman washing His feet with tears and perfume. Jesus was both strong and sensual. He didn’t run from beauty—He embraced it. And Sam encourages men to do the same. Sex as Play, Not Pressure One of my favorite parts of Sam’s book is the idea of sex as play. (As you know, we LOVE playfulness at Delight Your Marriage!) In the story of Isaac and Rebekah, Scripture uses the word “play” to describe their intimate interaction. Not “duty.” Not “obligation.” Not even “intercourse.” Just play. How different would sex feel to wives if it was simply seen as an invitation to play? To connect? To enjoy one another—without pressure or performance? When sex becomes play, there's less fear and more room for freedom and creativity. It becomes mutually joyful and it draws both hearts closer. We also both acknowledged that if sex is the only area right now where you play as a couple, it may not come as naturally or even feel awkward. Make sure to build a culture of play outside of the bedroom- go on playful dates, have playful jokes throughout the day- so that you can bring it into the bedroom more naturally. A Message to Men Carrying Sexual Shame Sam shared that many men, in the privacy of his counseling office, have revealed deep sexual shame—some of it stemming from trauma, abuse, or early exposure to sexuality that felt confusing or violating. The enemy wants men to bury those wounds in silence. But healing comes through truth, and through Jesus, who already knows, already sees, and already loves you. As Sam reminded us, your brokenness is not just your sin—it’s also your wounding. And it was wounding. If this is you, you’re not alone. And you can heal. God makes all things new. Final Thoughts: Why Every Husband (and Wife) Should Read This Book Sam’s book isn’t just another marriage resource. It’s an invitation to men to become whole, godly, good sexual beings—men who integrate their strength with their heart, their sensuality with their faith, and their desire with deep love and awe of glory. And wives—if your husband reads this book, I believe you’ll feel more seen, more cherished, and more pursued than ever before.We hope this conversation leaves you feeling inspired to take in the beauty around you, stand in awe of God, experience the sensuality and sexuality that God gave you (that was purposefully designed, not a mistake!), and experience the fullness of God in your relationship with your spouse. You can get The Sex Talk You Never You Never Got: Reclaiming the Heart of Masculine Sexuality wherever books are sold. (And there’s currently a buy one, get one free on the website so go now!) Sam Jolman is a lover, father, therapist, and writer, generally in that order. His newest book, The Sex Talk You Never You Never Got: Reclaiming the Heart of Masculine Sexuality, has already received rave reviews, including a review and foreword from author John Eldredge (Wild at Heart). Sam also writes regularly on Substack and offers live monthly discussions with subscribers on topics like Christian sexuality, masculinity, healing from shame, and more. With love, Belah & Team PS - If you're interested in learning more about our Masculinity Reclaimed program, please visit or schedule a free Clarity Call at PPS - In case you missed it, we launched our social media channels last week! You can now get extra Delight Your Marriage content as you go about your week! Yeah, we're really happy about it too :) Follow us on , , and , and say hello!
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476-Marital Success is Your Spiritual Responsibility
03/28/2025
476-Marital Success is Your Spiritual Responsibility
The day has arrived! We are officially on social media! And we can't wait for you to see what we have for you! Follow Us & Subscribe on: , , & Now, on to the podcast! Marital Success is Your Spiritual Responsibility If you’ve been listening to the Delight Your Marriage podcast or reading these blogs for a while, you know I don’t take marriage lightly. And if you’re a follower of Jesus, I want to lovingly remind you: your marriage is a spiritual responsibility. This isn’t just about your personal happiness or even your kids’ well-being—though those matter deeply. No, the success of your marriage speaks volumes to everyone who knows you, especially those who know you’re a Christian. Why Your Marriage Is Bigger Than You Think about it: if people know you follow Jesus, but your marriage falls apart, what does that say about the relevance of Jesus in your life? About the Bible? About the power of God? Yes, divorce is painful for the children—but it’s also painful spiritually for everyone who witnesses it. We’re supposed to be making disciples of all people, right? So when our marriage breaks down, we’re tarnishing the very witness we’re meant to live out. I say this from personal experience. My first marriage ended in divorce, and I carry that pain and regret. It wasn’t a biblical divorce—I had to plead the blood of Jesus over it. But I’ve repented, I’ve been forgiven, and now I’ve made a decision: I will never again allow my marriage to dishonor the name of Jesus. I want the same for you. It’s Time to Prioritize Marriage—for the Gospel If you’re reading this, there’s a good chance your faith is already strong. You want biblical answers, not pop psychology. Thank you. If I can help you have a great marriage, your work for the Kingdom becomes that much easier. But let’s be real. Marriage is hard. It’s easy to get selfish. It’s easy to get frustrated with your spouse being a messy, imperfect human (just like we are!). But we can’t stay in that space. We’ve got to pull ourselves out of our self-centeredness and serve. Husbands, Scripture calls you to die for your wife. Wives, we’re called to submit to our husbands. I know—it’s not easy. Believe me, I don’t like that verse either. I’ve struggled with being a controlling wife. But control is rooted in fear. And fear means I’m not trusting God. When both spouses choose to obey God, not based on their spouse’s actions but based on God’s call—that’s where transformation begins. We’re not left wondering what marriage is supposed to be. God gave us His Word. It’s the most printed, most transformative book in human history. You don’t have to guess what it means to be a godly husband or wife—it’s all there. Marriage: God’s Tool for Healing Your spouse can hurt you the most—or they can be the very instrument God uses to heal you the most. I’ve lived both. And I want to be the kind of wife who makes my husband’s meeting with Jesus even better because he was married to me. What if that was your motivation? That your love could heal your spouse. That your encouragement could empower them into God’s purpose for their life. That your gentle presence could become their safe space in this tough world. That’s the kind of love Jesus shows us—and the kind we’re called to give. Love Your Spouse the Way They Receive Love This is one of our core teachings at DYM: love your spouse the way they receive love. The Bible tells us to love our neighbor as ourselves. That means not giving chocolate ice cream if they love vanilla. It means learning what makes them feel safe, respected, cherished. Husbands need to feel safe, known, and cherished. Wives need to feel respected, admired, and pursued in wholehearted sexual intimacy. (If you’d like to learn more, we break this down in our free framework at . It’s an amazing starting point to grow in loving your spouse practically and biblically.) Growth Is the Goal Friend, you didn’t find this blog because you’re failing. You’re here because you want to grow. And that’s beautiful. That matters. Don’t give up on the hard days when it feels like no one sees your effort. God does. He sees every unseen act of love, every sacrifice, every decision to forgive. We don’t get to skip the suffering. Jesus didn’t. Paul didn’t. In fact, suffering is often God’s tool for growth, purification, and transformation. But you don’t have to do this alone. There’s help. There’s hope. And there is healing. With love, Belah & Team PS - If you want to learn more, we recommend you take our . It is a free assessment that gives insight on your Marital Health and what we recommended as next steps based on your Marital Health score. PPS - Here is a quote from a recent graduate: "I love life and am dreaming again because God has bought healing to my marriage. It’s like all the stop buttons that were pushed because I was out of alignment with God's will in my marriage have been pushed to Go/Green again... I feel more aligned, more focused, and things are moving again."
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10 Years. No Social Media. Millions Reached. The DYM Story.
03/27/2025
10 Years. No Social Media. Millions Reached. The DYM Story.
Hi friend, This one’s pretty personal. After 10 years of podcasting, coaching, and quietly building Delight Your Marriage—without social media—we’re finally stepping into a new chapter. (I’m still kind of holding my breath saying that.) In today’s episode, I share the real behind-the-scenes story of: Why I stayed off social all these years (and it’s deeper than just “not liking it”) The Gideon moment that confirmed my calling to do this in secret Publishing my book under a pseudonym—and the fears behind that decision How God still grew DYM to a team of 10, hundreds of clients, and millions of downloads And most importantly—why we’re trying social media now. But! Before you go hunting down our Instagram, Facebook, or YouTube… wait just one more day. Tomorrow (Friday), we’ll be sending you all the links (if you're on our email list -- if not go to delightyourmarriage.com) so you can follow, share, and help us get this message out to the world. For now—would you take a moment to listen to this episode? I poured my heart into it. With love and (slightly trembling?) excitement, Belah P.S. I won’t be reading the comments (my team will!)—but if something resonates, share it with a friend. That’s how this whole thing started in the first place. :)
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475-Freedom from The Purity Culture Half-Truths
03/21/2025
475-Freedom from The Purity Culture Half-Truths
Freedom from The Purity Culture Half Truths If you’re anything like me, you grew up knowing that sex was something to be saved for marriage. Maybe you heard it in church, at youth group, from your parents, or maybe it was something just understood. You were told to “save yourself,” and by God’s grace—you did. But now you’re married. And... what gives? Why is this thing that’s supposed to be beautiful, powerful, and God-designed... still clouded with guilt? Why does it feel so hard to enjoy? Why does it feel wrong? Friend, I get it. I was right there with you. Why Christian Wives Struggle With Sex After Marriage See, the problem is that many of us were given half-truths about sex. Yes, sex is meant for marriage. That’s clear in Scripture (Matthew 19:5, Hebrews 13:4, and so many others). But what wasn’t clear—what was never really taught—was what happens after the wedding. We weren’t told that sex could be joyful, playful, passionate, and a gift. We weren’t told that it was meant to be good for you, dear wife—not just your husband. We weren’t told that God is the one who designed our bodies with tens of thousands of pleasure-sensitive nerve endings. That He’s not shocked by desire. He created it. Instead, many of us internalized the message that sex is shameful, dirty, and something to be tolerated—maybe even resented. And so, we carried that shame right into our marriages. My Personal Journey From Sexual Shame to Intimacy I didn’t grow up having “the talk.” There was no open, healthy conversation about sex or my body. What I had was silence, shame, and confusion. I stumbled onto pornography while innocently doing homework one day, and curiosity turned into a struggle I couldn’t shake for many years. And even though I was a virgin on my wedding night, sex was not what I expected. It was painful—physically and emotionally. My husband and I didn’t know how to understand each other. I assumed if he really loved God, he wouldn’t have so many desires. I didn’t understand that God made him that way—and me, too. But I didn't feel free to receive that truth. But God brought me on a journey of healing—of discovering what His Word really says. That sex in marriage is good. That it’s for unity. That it’s for mutual joy. That “May you ever be intoxicated with her love” (Proverbs 5:19) is not an embarrassing suggestion—it’s God’s idea. When Sex Feels Like a Chore Instead of a Gift Even with this new desire, I still didn’t (and still don’t!) have the same drive as my husband. And often, I would fall into that trap of “duty sex”. Yes, I know what that’s like. I’ve done it. I’ve gone into intimacy just hoping to avoid conflict. But friend, that’s not God’s best. That’s not what He dreamed up when He designed your body or your marriage. When I engage in intimacy from a place of love and trust, I come out of it refreshed, connected, grounded. Even if I wasn’t “in the mood” at the beginning, choosing to lean in with the right heart often opens the door to real pleasure—real bonding. It’s a spiritual gift. Are Your Sexual Boundaries From God—or Just Tradition? One thing that often hindered this connection and desire was the restrictions I put on my own self, but where had these even come from? They weren’t from the Bible. Sometimes, the rules we put on ourselves aren’t in the Bible—they’re just tradition, fear, or misunderstanding. I want to challenge you to ask: Is this boundary actually from God? Because Scripture gives us boundaries to keep sex holy—but it doesn’t micromanage how you express love with your spouse. God is not offended by pleasure. He invented it. Let’s stop walking past the “sunset” He painted for us in this area of our lives. Let’s slow down, take a breath, and receive the beauty. How to Heal From Sexual Shame and Embrace Freedom Healing doesn’t happen overnight. It’s a step-by-step path out of shame and into joy. And yes, sometimes that means trying something a little new—changing up the lighting, experimenting with different types of touch, or even using intimacy accessories (yep, I said it!) to help bridge the gap between desire and delight. And no, not every time has to be earth-shattering. But what if some of the times were breathtaking? What if the oneness and the joy and the laughter and the satisfaction made you say, “Wow, thank you, God”? Because He deserves that praise. He made you for this. He wants this for you. Final Thoughts Sweet sister, I’m so proud of you. You’ve already taken a step by reading this far. Don’t stop now! God made your body for beauty. He made your marriage for joy. And He made sex for you, too. With love, Belah & Team PS - If you want to check out the Pre-Marriage workbooks mentioned in today's episode, check out . All three are available now! PPS - Here is a quote from a recent graduate: "My faith has grown. I am praying more from my heart in conversation with God instead of sending him my "wishlist" of prayers. I am desiring to read my Bible daily and hear God's message for me and know his direction and leading in my life. I am more playful and fun! Playfulness not only brings me joy and makes me feel "lighter" but I've seen it affect my husband and kids as well. We are a more joy-filled family. Our growth in intimacy is a big celebration. I better understand the freedom God gives a husband and wife in sexual intimacy and so I feel free to be creative, spontaneous, fun, and confident with my husband."
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474-Her Marriage Was "Dissolving", Now It's Saved & Growing: Kalee's Story
03/14/2025
474-Her Marriage Was "Dissolving", Now It's Saved & Growing: Kalee's Story
Her Marriage Was "Dissolving", Now It's Saved & Growing: Kalee's Story Before she began the Delighted Wife program, Kalee was in a place of deep discouragement. She and her husband, Chris, had been married for eight years, built a beautiful family together, and yet, they felt utterly lost. Their marriage was dissolving, and hopelessness had settled in. She didn’t see a way out. But God did. In His divine intervention, Chris was introduced to the program through a friend who had experienced transformation in his own marriage. Chris took a step of faith, signed up for the program, and invited Kalee to do the same. What she didn’t realize was that the biggest transformation wouldn’t just be in her marriage—it would be in herself. Finding Confidence, Finding Herself Kalee entered the program believing that her marriage was the only problem. But as she journeyed through the teachings, she came to see something deeper. She lacked confidence. She didn’t understand her worth. She had been seeking validation in others, rather than allowing God to restore her from the inside out. Through the program, Kaylee began to see how deeply God loved her, how valuable she was, and how her identity wasn’t defined by the struggles of the past. And as she changed, so did her marriage. A Marriage Restored Kalee and Chris both went through the program separately, which turned out to be a gift. After years of couples’ therapy, they found that what this program allowed them to do was heal separately rather than working together. Instead of coming at each other with blame, they were each able to focus on their own growth, healing, and the changes they personally needed to make. The result? A marriage that was once on the brink of destruction was now filled with trust, forgiveness, and connection. The barriers of past hurts were broken down, and they began to see each other through fresh eyes. Kalee describes it as the first time in years she didn’t feel fear lingering in her mind about the future of their marriage. She and Chris were finally on solid ground, and for the first time in a long time, they had peace. A Ripple Effect of Joy in Her Home But this transformation didn’t just stay between Kalee and Chris—it overflowed into their home. Their children, especially their oldest daughter, began to experience the difference. Their daughter, who had been cautious and unsure about marriage because of what she had witnessed in their home, was now talking about her own future as a wife and mother. In her playtime, she began to play “Mom” and “Wife”, something that Kalee had never seen before.Where once there was tension and uncertainty, now there was joy. She saw her parents in a new light—loving, affectionate, and truly connected. There is Hope for You Maybe you find yourself where Kalee once was. Maybe you feel hopeless, uncertain, and afraid that your marriage won’t survive. But let me encourage you—God is still in the business of restoring marriages. He still brings beauty from ashes. He still makes all things new. If Kalee’s story resonates with you, I invite you to take a step toward healing. Don’t let fear or hopelessness hold you back. Your marriage can be transformed. Your home can be filled with peace and joy. It starts with taking that first step. God bless you on your journey. He is able, and He is faithful. Love, Belah & Team PS - If you're ready to take the step that Kalee made, schedule a free Clarity Call . Not quite ready for that yet? Take our free online to learn more about the current health of your marriage and next steps to take. PPS - Here is a quote from (another) recent graduate: "I feel so much more joyful. I have learned how to be playful and silly again…I am growing in my understanding of my value based on Christ's righteousness, not my own accomplishments. My eyes have been opened to many areas where I am Martha instead of Mary…I have so much more hope for the future…We are a more joy-filled family…there is HOPE and we are healing!”
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473-Energy and Motivation God's Way
03/07/2025
473-Energy and Motivation God's Way
Getting out of your bed in the morning requires motivation. Doing your work requires motivation. Sacrificing for your spouse the way God asks us to, requires motivation. You may be motivated by external forces like your boss, achieving certain bank account numbers, or a personal feeling of accomplishment. Those aren't necessarily bad. But if you're having trouble with motivation for the things that are most important in your life: God, marriage, kids... this episode is for you. There are two encouragements Jesus gives us that can really help with your motivation to do what is most important: 1- The parable of the Three Servants (Matt 25: 14 - 28) 2- Come to me and I will give you rest -- the burden I give you is light (Matt 11: 28 - 30) The parable talks of three servants entrusted with money while the master went on a long trip. One was entrusted with 5 bags of silver, another with 2 bags of silver and the last with 1 bag of silver. When the master returned, two of the three had "worked" and "invested" which doubled their silver. But the servant with just 1 bag didn't even try. He was in self-pity, covetousness and fear. The master called him wicked and lazy. May we not fall into the trap of a - Self-pity: aka pride, because we SHOULD have a better circumstance. God SHOULD have given us better. b - Covetousness: looking at someone else's perceived lot in life and crave it c - Fear: Our perspective of God is harsh and unfair so we are paralyzed to try. Instead, let us look forward to hearing our master's praise. Let us be motivated by the anticipation of seeing God on that day say "well done!" and lavish praise on us for doing what He has asked us to do with what He has entrusted to us. If this feels like such a heavy weight right now, I want you to be encouraged by the second portion of scripture where Jesus invites us to come to Him with our burdens. And learn from Him. And gain insight on what He ACTUALLY is asking of us. Not to carry the whole world -- but to gain insight into what His burden for us to carry actually is -- which Jesus says "is light". Come to Him with your burden. Don't let the enemy tempt you with self-pity, coveting, or fear. Instead, come to Jesus and gain His strength so you can hear "Well done! Good. Faithful. Servant". In the episode, I give practical outworkings of all of this and I hope it's an episode that will give you a pep in your step and a zing of motivation to do what God is asking of you in your relationship with Him, in your relationship with your spouse and those entrusted to your care. Love and Blessings, Belah
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472-There's Value and Hope in Your Mistakes
02/28/2025
472-There's Value and Hope in Your Mistakes
Do you hate making mistakes? If you’re anything like me, you probably hold yourself to really high standards. If you’re a Jesus follower, you’re actually called to be perfect as He is perfect. But because you're not Jesus, you will fail. So, what happens when you mess up? Do you feel like a failure, try to run away, numb the pain, isolate, ignore, do some negative/sinful addiction (porn/drinking/eating...) just to stop feeling the terrible failure-feelings? The problem is, even though we know we’re saved by His sacrifice, we often still struggle with shame and guilt for our mistakes. But here’s the truth: understanding mistakes the right way can change how we view them, how we can grow from them and how they make us feel when they inevitably will happen. Mistakes generally fall into three categories: Mistake: Rebellion– When mistakes become a pattern of intentional sin consistently. This requires a lot of focus and all the advice given in #2, below. Mistake: Sin – When we go against God’s Word, we need to humbly own, repent and turn back to Him. AND from that, we get to be washed by His amazing sacrifice. There may need to be actions taken to repair the situation of others involved or you need to find healing for yourself so these sins won't happen again. But because of Jesus, the actual guilt has now been paid for by the only one who can pay for sin -- someone sinless -- Jesus. So you no longer need to take the punishment of the shame/guilty feelings anymore. Action does need to happen to rectify the situation, and let any negative feelings motivate you to put the structure, healing process, boundaries, people, community, in place to walk in freedom and righteousness. Mistake: Wisdom – These are simply errors in judgment, strategy or approach. It's essentially making a mistake in walking out wisdom. A lot of times we know better and we can't seem to get ourselves to do the wise thing every time. It's not an outright sin, as clarified Biblically. It just was kinda dumb (yeah, I know the feeling well.) Or you realized later how you made someone else feel and realized you did the wrong thing. Or maybe you didn't so something as perfectly as you expect of yourself and you feel ashamed. Even though maybe it wasn't capital S, "Sin", it can make you feel just as failure-like as if you DID something horrible. As if you ARE something horrible. The sad part is, sometimes that failure-feeling can make us want to run so bad that we metaphorically run and actually do something horrible (an real Sin: porn, addiction, rage... fill-in-the-blank SIN). But what if we didn't HAVE TO strive to achieve in perfection? What if we didn't HAVE TO strive to meet our incredibly high (non-sin) standards OR feel like a failure? And our Sin standards don't change. The solution? Well, my solution is this... instead of feeling like a failure, aim to be 80% on point in the Wisdom Category. That way, you’ll stay motivated and keep improving in living out wisdom without getting stuck in discouragement/feeling-like-a-failure. You'll get A LOT farther this way in every area of life than you would being "perfect" for a while then super discouraged (maybe even dropping into some Sin) and on and on the cycle goes. And sadly... often people just get so tired and give up and accept hopelessness. Here's the plan regarding mistakes: Keep high standards on righteousness issues, try hard to meet them---lean on Jesus for His perfection and sacrifice when we Sin. Have high standards on Wisdom things, but when we make mistakes be really happy if we aren't making that mistake 80% of the time. When you handle mistakes in the right way, they actually help you move forward instead of holding you back. I dive deeper into this in today’s episode, and I think you’ll find it really encouraging—because if you’re anything like me, you’ve made plenty of mistakes. And the good news? God has so much hope for you, and every single mistake has value.
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471-Guiding The Next Generation Into Beautiful Marriages With Biblical Truth (Re-Release)
02/21/2025
471-Guiding The Next Generation Into Beautiful Marriages With Biblical Truth (Re-Release)
Here at Delight Your Marriage, we’ve seen so many marriages transformed by God’s grace—couples who never thought they could feel close again, now thriving in ways they never imagined. But here’s the thing… what if we could help the next generation BEFORE they get married? What if they had the tools and the wisdom now, so they don’t have to struggle the way so many of us did? Setting the Example of a Beautiful Marriage Before we can guide the next generation, we need to make sure our own marriages are solid. Let’s be real—kids don’t just listen to what we say, they watch what we do. If they see love, respect, and joy in our marriages, they’ll want that for themselves. But if they see stress, distance, and unhappiness, they’re going to wonder if marriage is even worth it. So, if your marriage needs some healing, that’s the best place to start. Don’t wait. Your marriage is your greatest testimony to your kids. The World Is Confusing—We Need to Speak Up First The world is LOUD when it comes to relationships, identity, and marriage. If we’re not having these conversations with our kids early and often, they’re going to learn from someone else… and that’s usually not going to be a source of truth. Here are a few key things we need to be talking about: 1. Helping Them Know Their Identity in Christ We live in a world that tells kids they need to “find themselves” by looking inward. But that leads to so much confusion! They need to know—without a doubt—that God made them exactly as they are, on purpose. We have to be proactive in these conversations, helping them stand firm in their identity before the world really tries to confuse them. 2. What Marriage Is REALLY About Marriage isn’t just about being happy—it’s about fulfilling God’s purpose for your life together. So many people go into marriage with unrealistic expectations and get hurt because they didn’t know what to look for in a spouse. Let’s help our kids understand the beauty and purpose of marriage before they start dating, so they can make wise choices! 3. Setting Healthy Boundaries in Dating Our kids are bombarded with messages that say, “Do whatever feels good,” but that’s not wisdom! We need to help them understand that sex is a GIFT—but it’s meant for marriage. That doesn’t just mean telling them, “Don’t do this, don’t do that.” It means giving them the tools and the why behind making those choices. When they understand the wisdom behind God’s design, it makes it so much easier to live it out. Practical Help for Young Adults Navigating Dating One of the hardest things for young people is knowing how to date wisely. That’s why we created our Pre-Dating Workbook and Video Course! It’s packed with a clear vision for a God-honoring life and marriage, the four stages of pursuing a spouse (and the mistakes to avoid!), practical skills for meeting and discerning a future spouse, guidance on setting healthy emotional and physical boundaries, and more. If you have a son, daughter, niece, nephew, or someone in your life who is dating or thinking about it soon, this resource is for them! Check it out at delightyourmarriage.com/dating Providing Joy and Wisdom in Your Own Home The key to influencing the next generation is NOT about forcing rules on them—it’s about showing them something better. Jesus attracted people to Him because He was full of joy and truth. That’s how we need to be! If we want our kids to listen to us, we need to be a source of joy, truth, wisdom, and peace in their lives. Equipping the Next Generation for Stronger Marriages We can’t sit back and hope our kids figure it out on their own. They need us to guide them, to give them resources, and to speak truth in love. If you feel a stirring in your heart, take action. Strengthen your own marriage as a testimony to them, start having open, honest conversations about love, identity, and marriage, equip them with practical tools like our Pre-Dating Workbook and Course. Let’s raise up a generation that is confident in who they are, wise in how they date, and strong in their marriages. And most of all—let’s be praying for our kids. This is a battle, but God is greater. Thank you for being part of this. We’re in it together! Love, Belah & Team
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470-Awaken Wives to Pleasure with Gary Thomas, Juli Slattery, Belah Rose & Debra Fileta
02/14/2025
470-Awaken Wives to Pleasure with Gary Thomas, Juli Slattery, Belah Rose & Debra Fileta
I recently had the incredible opportunity to be a guest on Gary Thomas’ podcast. If you’ve been around Delight Your Marriage for a while, you know what a dear friend Gary has been to this ministry. Not only is he a best-selling author and speaker, but he’s also been so generous in inviting us to share on his platform in the past. And this time? I got to be part of a panel alongside two truly amazing women: Juli Slattery—President and Co-Founder of Authentic Intimacy and author of several life-changing books, including God, Sex, & Your Marriage and Rethinking Sexuality. Debra Fileta—Creator of the #1 faith-based relationship advice blog TrueLoveDates.com and author of True Love Dates: Your Indispensable Guide to Finding the Love of Your Life and Married Sex: A Christian Couple’s Guide to Reimagining Your Love (among many others). We came together for a powerful discussion about helping wives awaken to intimate pleasure—such an essential and often overlooked topic. The wisdom and insights from these women were just incredible, and I cannot wait for you to hear this conversation. Here were some key takeaways from our panel discussion: The Challenge of Awakening Sexual Fulfillment For so many women, the journey toward enjoying sex in marriage isn’t a simple switch—it’s a process. If you've spent years saying "no"—whether because of purity culture, past wounds, or just never learning that sex is a gift—it makes sense that "yes" doesn’t come easily. And you are not alone in this! How Husbands Can Help Their Wives Awaken to Pleasure Men, you’ve likely never been discipled in how to help your wife step into her own sexual enjoyment. Many husbands enter marriage assuming their wife will naturally embrace sex, but the reality is, she may feel lost, hesitant, or even afraid. This is where your role as her safe place matters deeply. Here are some questions that Debra suggested as conversation starters on sex: What’s something you're looking forward to in our sex life? What’s something that makes you nervous or unsure? What beliefs about sex do you want to hold onto, and what do you want to let go of? Overcoming the Weight of Purity Culture Many women who "did everything right" and waited for marriage still find themselves struggling. Why? Because purity culture often framed sex as something to avoid, not as a gift to embrace. As Juli Slattery puts it, "Just because I waited, doesn’t mean I know how to start." That’s the truth. And if this is you, grace upon grace, my friend. Sexual wholeness isn’t about following a list of dos and don’ts. It’s about stepping into the fullness of what God has given and allowing Him to reframe any distorted views we carry. The Power of Emotional & Spiritual Connection Debra Fileta says, "What you do above the sheets paves the way for what happens under the sheets." I could not agree more. Emotional and spiritual safety fuels physical intimacy. Husbands, if your wife doesn’t feel safe, known, and whole-heartedly cherished, her body won’t naturally respond to you with desire. So, before you think about sex, think about: Playfulness in everyday life (it builds intimacy!) How you affirm and admire her body How well she feels known and cherished by you It’s Not About You, It’s About Her A massive shift for many husbands is realizing that sex in marriage isn’t just about "getting my needs met." If your wife doesn’t feel safe, it’s no wonder intimacy feels like a duty rather than a desire. You have an opportunity to disciple your heart in a new way. Instead of seeing your wife as the "acceptable outlet" for your sexual needs, ask: "How can I be the safest place for her to enjoy intimacy?" When she feels safe, she will want to engage. Not out of obligation, but because she feels free to. How to Move Toward More Desire in Marriage Wives, rather than wondering and praying, "Why am I broken?" for not wanting intimacy, instead ask, "How can I cultivate a desire for intimacy?" Some ideas: Non-sexual sensual touch with no pressure Playfulness in your daily life (This is huge!) Embracing a "turning a dial" rather than "flipping a switch" approach to intimacy Addressing Past Trauma & Emotional Wounds Even in strong marriages, past sexual trauma or unhealthy conditioning can affect intimacy. And let’s be real: just having a great marriage doesn’t mean sex will be effortless. For some, the body’s response to past wounds will still show up. That’s okay. It’s part of the journey. Healing takes time, patience, and sometimes outside help. If this is part of your story, give yourself permission to process what’s needed. The Role of Faith & Hope in Sexual Fulfillment God is a God of hope. If your marriage has felt disconnected, there is hope. If you’ve never truly enjoyed sexual pleasure, there is hope. Your story isn’t over. Pursue wholeness—emotionally, spiritually, and physically—and trust that intimacy can be more fulfilling than you ever imagined. Final Thoughts Husbands: Emotional and spiritual intimacy first, pleasure follows. Wives: You are not broken. Your pleasure matters. Both: Intimacy is a journey, not a destination. Keep taking steps, and trust that God is working in it all. Friend, you are not alone. Your marriage can grow, your desire can awaken, and your intimacy can thrive. Keep leaning in, keep growing, and keep trusting that God has more for you than you even realize. Be blessed! Love, Belah & Team
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469-How Her Love Changed Her Husband: Interview with Amy
02/07/2025
469-How Her Love Changed Her Husband: Interview with Amy
At Delight Your Marriage, we have the incredible privilege of witnessing God’s transformative power in marriages every day. Today, we are beyond honored to share Amy’s story—a testimony of healing, restoration, and redemption. How a Podcast Sparked a Transformation in Amy’s Marriage Amy first discovered our ministry through the podcast, and in one particular episode, she felt deeply convicted about her role as a wife from a biblical principles perspective. As she listened, one question struck her to the core: “When we stand before Jesus, will we be able to say that we loved our husbands well, or will we have a list of excuses?” That moment of conviction was a pivotal turning point and led Amy to take a hard look at the patterns in her marriage. Breaking the Cycle of Hurt and Rejection Amy realized her marriage was trapped in an exhausting cycle of hurt and rejection. When her husband expressed frustration or hurt, she would respond by shutting down and shutting him out—including the area of physical intimacy. This rejection only deepened his pain, which in turn caused more outbursts, pushing them further apart. Round and round they went. Amy knew something had to change. Seeking Help: A Life-Changing Clarity Call That’s when she reached out and scheduled a Clarity Call, where she was introduced to the heart of our coaching approach. Through the program, she came to a powerful realization: she had been so focused on her pain that she hadn’t stopped to consider what loving him well actually looked like. She learned that, regardless of her husband's actions, she was responsible for her own mindset and behaviors. This mindset shift was the beginning of a profound transformation. Embracing Gratitude Practice, Letting Her Husband Lead, and Aligning Family Dynamics Her first big shift? Gratitude. Instead of seeing her husband’s contributions—like fixing things around the house or maintaining their cars—as expectations, she began to recognize them as gifts. This simple but profound change softened her heart. She also felt convicted about how she had unknowingly taken control of their marriage and family decisions. Deep down, she wanted him to lead, but she had been the one steering the ship. So, she changed course. Through personal growth, she learned to step back and allow him to take his God-given role as the leader in their home. And little by little, things changed. The Power of Forgiveness and Apology As Amy continued to grow, she felt convicted about her past actions. She humbled herself and apologized to her husband for ways she had contributed to their struggles. This act of forgiveness and vulnerability created space for genuine healing. Over time, she witnessed a shift—not just in herself, but in her husband and their marriage as a whole. The relationship healing was undeniable. We were so moved by what she shared with us: “The Lord specializes in restoration and redeeming what is broken and lost.” A Testament to God’s Restoration and Redemption Today, Amy’s marriage looks entirely different. The patterns of hurt and rejection have been replaced by love, intimacy, and a renewed sense of partnership. Praise God! God is absolutely still in the business of restoration and redemption, and we are so honored to witness His work in marriages like Amy’s. Let her story be a reminder that God redeems, he restores, and He can change things. Be blessed! Love, Belah & Team
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468-Love, Faith, & the Joy of Discovery: Interview with Nathan Rittenhouse
01/30/2025
468-Love, Faith, & the Joy of Discovery: Interview with Nathan Rittenhouse
I have been a long time fan of Nathan Rittenhouse and his work at Thinking Out Loud Together and today, I had the incredible privilege of sitting down with Nathan Rittenhouse for our podcast! Nathan is a speaker, apologist, and co-founder of Thinking Out Loud Together. Our conversation today was filled with rich insights about intimacy, humility, integrity, and the way marriage fits into God's grand design. I truly can’t wait for you to hear it! There’s so much to unpack, but here are some of the biggest takeaways from our conversation: The Bigger Purpose of Marriage: Building a Legacy That Lasts Nathan shared how his perspective on marriage has been deeply shaped by the generations of faithful, steady relationships in his family. He reminded us that marriage isn't just about two people—it impacts generations. "What will my descendants 200 years from now say about the type of life I lived?" he asked. This long-term vision is something I would encourage every reader and listener to think about. We often get so caught up in the day-to-day struggles of marriage, but when we zoom out, we see that every choice we make—every act of love, every moment of kindness, every decision to honor our spouse—ripples out for generations. What an incredible reason to be intentional about how we love, respect, and serve in our marriages! Intimacy as Worship: God’s Design for Physical and Emotional Connection One of the most powerful themes we explored was how intimacy—yes, physical intimacy—can actually be an act of worship. Nathan pointed out that God designed the physical world—including our bodies—as good. And when we engage in intimacy within God’s design, it’s not just a physical act—it’s a deeply spiritual one. It’s an opportunity to delight in God’s creation, to experience His love, and to reflect His heart. Instead of something to be endured or achieved, it becomes something to celebrate—a way to glorify the Lord. Sexuality & Integrity: Practicing Spiritual Discipline in Private Nathan emphasized that our true selves are revealed in private moments. He highlighted Jesus’ words in Matthew 6, where He speaks about the Father rewarding what is done in secret. And that’s so important when it comes to things like purity, faithfulness, and battling temptations like pornography. True integrity means being the same person in private that we present in public. Or as Nathan said, “Preach what you practice”, not just practice what you preach, but actually live with such integrity that your life naturally becomes the message. The Power of Male Friendships: Emotional Support & Community for Men Nathan and I also talked about something that’s so often overlooked: the power of godly male friendships. He pointed out that a lot of men struggling in their marriages—whether it’s loneliness, unmet expectations, or just feeling stuck—often lack deep, strong friendships with other men. And part of the problem is that our culture has sexualized everything- including strong, male friendships- making it difficult for men to form those healthy, meaningful bonds. But here’s the thing: God designed men to need other men in their lives. Just like women thrive when they have strong female friendships, men need brothers—not just surface-level friendships, but real, deep, iron-sharpening-iron relationships. Christian Hope in Marriage: Finding Strength in God’s Design We also discussed that unity in marriage is a byproduct of a shared focus on Christ. Unity in marriage isn’t found by fixing our eyes on each other—it’s found by fixing our eyes on Christ. When we try to make our spouse the center of our world, things get out of balance. But when we prioritize our relationship with God, everything else—including our marriages—falls into its rightful place. Encouragement for Those Struggling: Finding Strength in God’s Love And finally, for those feeling discouraged—whether it’s low intimacy, unmet expectations, or loneliness—Nathan left us with this powerful reminder: Our ultimate satisfaction must be in Christ. Marriage is a gift. But it was never meant to replace our deepest need—to be fulfilled in God’s love. If you’re struggling right now, know this: God sees you. He loves you. And He is the one who fills the deepest places of your heart. Thank you again, Nathan, for this incredible conversation, for your joy in the Lord, and the deep, valuable insights you’ve shared with us! This conversation was truly such a gift. And to you, dear listener and dear reader- may this conversation bless you, inspire you, and remind you of how deeply the Lord loves you. Blessings, Belah & Team PS - Want to hear more from Nathan? Check out his podcast, Together Out Loud , and the Thinking Out Loud Together website for more. https://toltogether.com/ PPS - If the idea of a family with no drama seems like a far off dream, or the thought of your private life being revealed in public brings thoughts of shame and hopelessness, we want you to know… there is hope. Give us a call: PPPS - Here is a quote from a recent graduate: “We were planning on how to keep a family together while breaking our family up - We were at the end of ourselves and decided it was time to give up and go our separate ways… I have grown in patience, perspective, my faith and connection with God, my understanding of my husband, and peace. I have learned how to build my marriage. Building it is now a journey and no longer an intense, overwhelming mission impossible.”
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467-Knowing His Love: Growing in Faith in the Father's Kindness (Re-Release)
01/24/2025
467-Knowing His Love: Growing in Faith in the Father's Kindness (Re-Release)
This episode is a Re-Release, formerly titled: If You Only Knew His Love We hope it blesses you now as it blessed you then! ---------------------------------------------------------------- When I look back on my life—when I see what is currently unseen—when I see Jesus face to face—when all has been revealed… I am convinced I will be BLOWN AWAY by the love I never realized He truly had for me. God’s Care for Every Living Thing The Bible says, "Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them." (Matthew 6:26) Yesterday, I was at the park, watching birds flitting around, this way and that. And yet, the God of the universe cares for them. So much so, He FEEDS the birds! If He cares so deeply for the birds, how much more does He care for you and me? God Is Intimately Involved in Your Life He is feeding you. He is clothing you. He is providing far more than you may realize. And He is intimately aware of your life and what you’re going through. In both the joys and the suffering of life, God remains good. There is so much we cannot see, and yet He is in control. Even in suffering, His purposes are higher than ours, and His plans are always good. He allows suffering for His reasons, only He can see. Trusting God Through Pain and Suffering Suffering is hard. It hurts. Deeply. But when we trust that every good gift in our lives comes from Him, it changes how we endure the hard times. Instead of despair, we can face suffering with peace, joy, and contentment. This shift allows us to fulfill at least part of the purpose God has for our pain. God Cares About Your Pain Make no mistake—God sees your suffering. He knows your struggles, whether they are rejection, loneliness, or unmet needs in your closest relationships. God cares about the pain in your marriage. He cares about the lack of intimacy, warmth, or connection. He sees the ache in your soul. And He cares. His Goodness Never Fails Even in the hardest moments, God is good. He loves you so much that He’s willing to risk you turning away from Him because He has a bigger plan for your life. As Isaiah 55:9 reminds us, “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.” We don’t have to understand His reasons. But we are called to trust His goodness. Every Good Gift Is From God If God feeds the birds, how much more is He doing for us every day? He makes each breath happen and every movement possible. Every smile from your child, every sunset you see, every heartbeat you experience—these are His gifts. He knit you together in your mother’s womb, and He continues to sustain you every moment of every day. He is still designing, directing, and causing all these things to go well for us. When we take the time to notice, we see His hand in everything good. Even in suffering, when something breaks, it reminds us of all the days He allowed it to thrive. Soak in the Truth of His Love If we truly understood His love, if we only soaked in the truth of His love, we would trust Him more easily, even in the midst of pain. If we only knew His love… If we only knew His love… If we only knew His love… May you know the love of Christ today. And may I know it, too. Love, Belah & Team PS - If you would like help with your marriage, we invite you to schedule a free Clarity Call with our advisor. This call allows us to help you evaluate where you are in your marriage, and whether or not we are a good fit for you. Click here to schedule a free call:
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466-Dasha Had Lost Hope in Her Marriage, Now it’s Full of Fun!
01/17/2025
466-Dasha Had Lost Hope in Her Marriage, Now it’s Full of Fun!
We are so honored to share Dasha's incredible transformation story with you today! If you’re looking for hope for your own relationship, Dasha’s journey might be just what you need to hear today. Dasha's Marriage Story Dasha came into her second marriage with a guarded heart, carrying pain from her previous relationship. It wasn't easy; the beginning of this new chapter was rocky. She felt disconnected and had no desire for her husband. At one point, she even told him he could leave if he was unhappy. Her Husband's Transformation But instead of walking away, her husband chose a different path. He joined Masculinity Reclaimed, Delight Your Marriage’s program for men, designed to inspire personal growth and transformation. Through this program, he was able to learn the differences between men and women and how to fully love his wife in a way that she would receive love. He began implementing what he had learned in his marriage and Dasha began noticing the changes in their home and in their marriage. At first, Dasha was skeptical. She had seen temporary changes before, and they’d tried other methods, like counseling. But as Dasha put it, those methods “revealed” problems—they didn’t heal them. This time, something was different. The changes in her husband weren’t just surface-level; they were real, lasting, and kept getting better. For the first time, Dasha began to feel emotionally safe. The walls she had built around her heart started to come down. She felt connected, relaxed, and fully free to be herself with her husband. When she realized these changes weren’t going away, Dasha decided to take her own step of faith and bravery. She joined the Delighted Wife program to do her part in their journey. Dasha's Marriage Transformation Through the program, Dasha found the healing she had been longing for. By embracing gratitude, forgiveness, and the biblical principles we teach, she experienced transformation—not just in her marriage but in her own heart. She connected with other women who are on the same journey as her and now has a support system that is cheering her on and encouraging her. She learned how to open up her heart, though she was afraid it might bring hurt, she found that it brought healing. Today, she describes her marriage as not just connected, but fun! And the sweetest part? Her son gets a front-row seat to a joyful, loving, and laughter-filled home. A Marriage (and Home) Full of Fun We are so proud of Dasha for her courage, vulnerability, and willingness to embrace the process. Her story is a beautiful reminder that no matter how your marriage starts, you can change where it’s going. It is possible to have a marriage that’s stress-free, emotionally safe, deeply connected, and full of fun. We’re rooting for you and cheering you on every step of the way! With love, Belah & Team PS - If you are looking for this type of change in your marriage, we invite you to make a Clarity Call and learn more about the programs we have for men and women: PPS - Here is a testimonial from (another) recent graduate of the Delighted Wife program: “My husband and I were at the brink of complete and utter separation. There was anger, yelling, and volatile behavior. We were not even sleeping in the same bed or the same room... Through the program, I realized how much healing needed to take place in my own heart. I’ve learned to see my husband through God’s eyes and to love him with all of his strengths and weaknesses. The forgiveness [module] helped me release past hurts, and I now truly feel loved.”
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465-Wives, Here is How To Trust Your Husband Again
01/10/2025
465-Wives, Here is How To Trust Your Husband Again
Trust is an essential part of the foundation in your marriage, but what happens when that foundation cracks—or even shatters? Maybe you’ve been hurt by the person you thought would always protect your heart. Perhaps betrayal, harsh words, or neglect have left you questioning everything. Can trust ever be rebuilt? Should you even try? If you’ve found yourself asking these questions, you’re not alone. Broken trust can feel overwhelming, leaving you guarded, uncertain, and even hopeless. But this doesn’t have to be the end of your story. There is hope for healing, even in the deepest wounds. Wives, we know that you have every reason to not trust your husband again: You might get hurt again. Even if your husband is making changes, doubts linger. What if he goes back to his old ways? What if he’s only changing to get something from me? Emotional wounds take time to heal. Maybe arguments, harsh words, or emotional distance have left you wondering: If I trust him again, will the hurt just continue? [Dear wife, please know this is in reference to emotional hurt. If physical abuse is part of your story, your safety must come first. God’s heart breaks for your pain, and He wants you to be safe. Please seek help from trusted organizations or individuals who can support you. He has been Untrustworthy in the Past Maybe your husband has broken your trust—whether it’s with finances, responsibilities, or even his faithfulness. Perhaps he’s been judgmental, leaving you feeling small and unseen. Or maybe his words have torn you down so often that you’ve built a wall to protect your heart. Your feelings are valid. The wounds are real, and they cut deep. But alongside these fears, could it also be worth asking: Are there unmet needs—on both sides—that are contributing to the pain? Here is what we want to make sure all of our readers know: Wives & Husbands need different things to thrive in a marriage. Wives need to feel safe, known, and whole-heartedly cherished. This isn’t just about physical safety; it’s emotional too. You need to feel that your thoughts, feelings, and dreams can be shared without fear of criticism or rejection. When this safety is missing, it’s hard to open your heart. I wrote the above reasons why not to trust your husband or fears you might have… Because I understand what you’re going through at least to some degree. I have the privilege of walking alongside women who have “been there”. It’s a painful place to live: guarded, in fear, lonely… wounded. I hear your pain. I would love to speak with you in this episode and just see if by the end you are encouraged and even (prayerfully) gain hope that God could do a work in you. "May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him" Romans 15:13 We do serve a God that loves you, brings healing, and gives you a reason for hope. He really loves you. He really does bring hope. We love you and are praying for you. Belah PS - If you want to start making this change in your marriage but don’t know how, we would love to chat with you: PPS - Here is a testimonial from a recent graduate: "Before DYM there was a lot of tension and stress in our marriage and disconnect. My husband had affairs, and these were replayed constantly in my head even though one of them occurred 25 years ago. I did not trust him and had not forgiven him… After going through the program, the stress is gone, and replaying the affairs in my head is pretty much gone… We are both so much happier in our marriage! I have also started back on my spiritual journey with God that I have been away from for many years."
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464-New Year Disciplines for Confidence and Faith
01/03/2025
464-New Year Disciplines for Confidence and Faith
How do you plan to step into this year with confidence and faith? The new year often brings a whirlwind of resolutions and lofty goals. Perhaps you’ve felt that familiar pull—“I’m going to do more of this,” “I’ll cut back on that,” or “This year, I’ll completely turn things around.” But maybe that’s not where you are right now. Maybe, instead of a burst of motivation, you feel unmotivated, stuck, or unsure. What if what you’re missing isn’t motivation, but faith? Faith that God is with you. Faith that He has a plan. Faith that, in Him, you can walk with a new sense of purpose. Faith is confidence. And if you feel like you’re lacking confidence, let this be an invitation to lean into Him. Here are a few ways to grow in confidence this year—because as your confidence in God grows, so does your faith. 1. Make Time for Intentional Moments with the Lord Husbands, as spiritual leaders of your home, you’re called to guide—not perfectly, but faithfully. Start small. Read a Bible verse to your children before bed, or take a moment to pray with your family. When you open your Bible, ask God to speak to your heart: “Lord, what do You want me to learn? Reveal Yourself to me.” These simple steps will deepen your relationship with God, building faith and intimacy with Him. 2. Embrace Risks with Courage Wives, stepping into the unknown—whether in your marriage or personal growth—can feel daunting. But just as thrill-seekers find exhilaration in challenges like skydiving or bungee jumping, there’s a unique joy in stepping out in faith, even in intimate parts of your marriage. Confidence begins with trust—both in God and in the one He’s placed by your side. 3. Be Useful for God’s Kingdom In Revelation 3, we’re reminded that God desires us to be useful—not lukewarm. Whether it’s the hot water for cleansing or cold water for refreshing, each has purpose. Empty nesters, your wisdom and experience are invaluable. There’s a generation that needs your guidance and your prayers. Step boldly into the role God has for you. 4. Trust in His Faithfulness No matter what you face, trust that God is working for your good. His love is steadfast, His discipline is kind, and His plans are perfect. Even in moments of waiting or trial, you can have confidence that He will see you through. 5. Look to Biblical Role Models Scripture is filled with examples of faith under pressure. Think of Mordecai’s courage, Esther’s boldness, Peter’s willingness to step out onto the waves, and Paul’s unwavering hope even in chains. Their lives remind us that faith often requires action—and that God uses those who trust Him to do extraordinary things. This year, don’t wait for the perfect moment to begin. Take a step, even a small one, toward the place you feel God is calling you. A moving ship is easier to steer than one that’s standing still. We’re here for you, cheering you on and praying for God to fill you with confidence—confidence that will not only transform your life but ripple out to bless your family, your community, and the Kingdom. God delights in you. Let this truth guide you as you step boldly into what He has prepared for you this year. God bless you! Love, Belah & Team PS - If you want to grow in discipleship and transform your relationship with God (and in turn your marriage), we would love to chat with you: delightym.com/cc PPS - Here is a testimonial from a recent graduate: "I have grown in my time with God, my intense desire to understand the Word and trust God. I have also grown in my openness and vulnerability with my wife, I was honestly intimidated by having open conversations with her about how I felt."
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463-Reflect and Refocus: Renewed Vision for 2025
12/27/2024
463-Reflect and Refocus: Renewed Vision for 2025
How do you step into a new year with purpose? Life can feel like a constant rush, can’t it? Maybe you’re juggling tasks right now, trying to get it all done before the clock strikes midnight on December 31st. But as we prepare to turn the page on this year, what if we paused? What if we took a moment to breathe deeply, to reflect, and to realign with what truly matters? Believe it or not, you have done a lot of good this past year. Yes, there may be places where you have slipped up or there were hard lessons to learn, but look at the good. And look at the good God has done in you. God loves you. He really loves you. He delights in you! Take a moment to really let that sink in. God delights in you. As we step into the new year, I invite you to hold on to that truth. So, how can you make the new year something that will honor Him and help you grow? Here are 10 things we suggest: 1. Continue to take time to reflect on this past year Where did you see God’s hand in your life and marriage? Even in the hard moments, what growth or blessings came out of them? By reflecting, you not only honor what God has done but also prepare your heart to hear what He might want to do next. 2. Start your mornings with Purpose Your mornings set the tone for the entire day. Carve out time to meet with God—reading Scripture, praying, or journaling your thoughts and goals. It doesn’t need to be lengthy or perfect, just consistent. A morning routine focused on Him can help you anchor your day in peace, purpose, and His perspective, rather than the perspective of the world. 3. Prioritize reading Scripture from a physical Bible There’s something grounding about holding a physical Bible in your hands. It slows you down, removes distractions, and helps you focus on God’s Word. His truth brings clarity and wisdom, especially as you make decisions and set goals for the year. 4. Pace Yourself It’s tempting to set ambitious goals for January, but remember—life is a marathon, not a sprint. Instead of overwhelming yourself, focus on what’s realistic. Break down your goals by quarter. What’s most important for the first three months? Then build from there. 5. Aim for 80 Perfection is not only unattainable but also draining. Instead of striving for flawless execution, aim for steady, faithful progress. Aiming for 80% will get you much farther than burning out in pursuit of an impossible ideal. 6. Create a Life Vision If you haven’t done this in our program yet, a Life Vision is about looking at the bigger picture. Who is God calling you to be? What kind of legacy do you want to leave? Your Life Vision can guide your daily decisions, helping you prioritize what truly matters over what feels urgent. 7. Take Inventory of Your Relationship with your Spouse this past year Your marriage is one of the most significant relationships God has entrusted to you. How was your connection this year? Are there areas where you want to grow closer—spiritually, emotionally, or physically? Taking inventory helps you identify what’s working and where you’d like to improve in the coming year. 8. Remember to Defend Against the Enemy’s discouragement Discouragement is one of the Enemy’s favorite tools to derail us. Be alert to his lies and counter them with God’s truth. Surround yourself with Scripture and people who remind you of your worth and God’s plans for your life. Remember, “Greater is He that is in you than he that is in the world” (1 John 4:4). 9. Fight the Battle of Comparison Comparison can steal your joy and distract you from God’s unique calling for your life. Just as the eye and the foot serve different purposes in the body, we each have our roles in His plan. Focus on what He’s calling you to do, not what others are doing. 10. Ask yourself, “What does God want me to focus on?” At the heart of all your planning and reflection, this is the most important question. Seek His wisdom and guidance as you set your intentions for the year. He knows the plans He has for you (Jeremiah 29:11), and they are good. Through it all, stay rooted in God’s eternal perspective. Fix your heart on Christ, let His Word transform you, and step into the good works He’s prepared for you. As we enter this new year, know that we’re here for you. Whether it’s helping you grow in your marriage or deepen your walk with Christ, we’re rooting for you and we cannot wait to see what God has in store for you. God bless you! Love, Belah & Team
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462-Fall in LIKE with Your Spouse Again
12/20/2024
462-Fall in LIKE with Your Spouse Again
Do you remember what it was like falling in “like” with your spouse? What was it that originally drew you to them? Maybe it was their humor, kindness, or how they made you feel seen and appreciated. Over time, it's easy for that “like” to fade. Instead, criticism, judgment, or even indifference creeps in. But imagine being in your spouse’s shoes—everything they say and do, examined under a magnifying glass, critiqued and picked apart. That kind of scrutiny doesn’t help them thrive. And nothing wounds deeper than feeling that the person you chose, the one closest to you, doesn’t actually like you. What if, instead, you accepted their weaknesses and quirks? After all, they have them, and so do you. What if you chose to see their strengths instead? What if you noticed what they’re doing right and spoke it out loud? I want to encourage you to take that step. Scripture is clear about encouragement and loving our neighbors: “Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.” 1 Thessalonians 5:11 (NIV) “Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’” Matthew 22:37-39 (NIV) “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves” Philippians 2:3 (NIV) “Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor.” Romans 12:10 (ESV) “Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.” Ephesians 4:2 (NIV) Your spouse needs to know that you see the good in them. That you still like them. That you’re rooting for them, not against them. It’s amazing what a little grace and encouragement can do to rebuild connection and joy. This Christmas week, I invite you to be gracious with your spouse. Notice the small things—their kindness, their effort, their dedication—and let them know you see it. Accept their weaknesses, support them gently, and call out the good that God has placed in them. God bless you, and from all of us here at Delight Your Marriage, Merry Christmas! Love, Belah & Team PS - If you want to learn more about how to love your closest neighbor well, we would love to chat with you. Click the link to schedule a FREE Clarity Call: PPS - The third installment of our Pre-Marriage series, the Pre-Wedding Workbook, is available now! We hope this book blesses you and sets you on the path to a peaceful, playful, passionate, and purposeful marriage! Check it out here:
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