Delight Your Marriage
Husbands and wives were designed to be different. You want different things in marriage and intimacy on every level (emotional, spiritual, and physical). Whether you're a wife or a husband, whether you're suffering or pretty good... and you're looking for Bible-based insights and scriptural practical guidance on how to transform your marriage, you've found the right podcast! We have "transformation stories" that will inspire hope that putting into practice these principles, by God's grace, can truly change your intimacy completely. If you're looking to see how to transform your marriage sign up for a free Clarity Call, we can hear your story and work with you to determine if we are confident we can help you: https://www.delightyourmarriage.com/cc
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532-From Tolerating to Delighting: Marriage Transformation Is Possible (feat. Gary Thomas & Belah Rose)
05/01/2026
532-From Tolerating to Delighting: Marriage Transformation Is Possible (feat. Gary Thomas & Belah Rose)
From Tolerating to Delighting: Marriage Transformation Is Possible (feat. Gary Thomas & Belah Rose) Imagine this: Your husband is working nights and you are cleaning houses during the day. When you find out you are pregnant, you pursue a dream of writing a book. Every morning you walk to the coffee shop just down the street to write. One of your favorite things to do is listen to books about marriage. One of your favorite books on the topic is written by Gary Thomas. In his book, Sacred Marriage, he asks, "What if marriage is meant to make us holy instead of happy?" Now, fast forward just a few years. You are having a conversation with that author, and he tells you he is a fan of your work. Fast forward a couple more years, and you get to be mentored by this same author. Eventually, it becomes evident that he and I can help more couples by joining forces and creating a collaboration where he shares his wisdom through books and speaking, and you are able to provide coaching and accountability for people after they read the books or attend the conferences. That is the story I am sharing with you today as I announce a collaboration with Gary Thomas, bestselling author and speaker. In this episode, we share how God truly has a plan for your marriage. He is the one who changes lives, and we have been able to see that in both of our work. I want to encourage you that God can take your loaves and fishes and do something amazing. He can take your willingness. He can take your bit of faith, and He can make a marvelous tapestry for His glory. Just yesterday, we had two amazing graduations. Both individuals were changed themselves. And their spouse changed in response, though their spouses did not do the work. That can be your story, too. We would love to witness God perform that miracle through biblical principles made practical on the inside. Listen to today's podcast to understand Gary's heart and mine regarding the work we do, and now do together. Thank you, Gary, for the honor! And thank you, listener, for your love, support, and prayers. I am honored to be able to serve in this way and am trusting God for more healed hearts. God bless you, Belah PS - Marriage Transformation is real. and start your journey to a playful, peaceful, purposeful marriage. PPS - Here is a quote from a recent Coaching program graduate: My wife and I struggled to get along...We were so intimately disconnected that it led to months of no sexual intimacy...it was so painful. We constantly fought about any and everything...I had gone into various counseling programs, spiritual formations, soul care, discipleship...But nothing was really changing our relationship... [Now,] God is answering my prayers and faith is becoming a reality. She is opening up, sharing her thoughts and feeling safe and connected...She is trusting me again...[We] have been having sex again...I am in such a better place and praise God for leading me to Belah and DYM. Here is an AI-generated summary of today's episode: A New Christ-Centered Partnership for Marriage Transformation Gary Thomas and Belah Rose announce a meaningful new collaboration between Gary’s marriage ministry work and Belah’s ministry, Delight Your Marriage. Their shared desire is to help marriages be healed, strengthened, and transformed for the glory of God. Belah Rose’s Story: From Brokenness to Marriage Ministry Belah shares how her own painful first marriage, divorce, and season away from Jesus shaped her calling. After experiencing healing through Christ and through the love of her husband, Darrow, she became passionate about helping others avoid the pain she had walked through. Her heart for Delight Your Marriage was born from the realization that marriage can either deeply wound or deeply heal—and that intimacy is often a powerful catalyst in that process. Why One Spouse Can Still Make a Difference A major theme of the conversation is that transformation can begin with just one spouse doing the work. Gary and Belah emphasize that this is not about blame or manipulation. Instead, it is about reclaiming God-given influence, loving your spouse as an act of obedience to Christ, and allowing God to change the atmosphere of the marriage. Understanding How Men and Women Receive Love Differently Belah explains the Delight Your Marriage framework for helping spouses love each other well. For wives, the focus is often helping them feel: Safe Known Wholeheartedly cherished For husbands, the focus is often helping them feel: Respected Admired Wholeheartedly intimate Gary affirms that while every person is unique, there are real patterns in how men and women often experience love, safety, respect, and intimacy. Rebuilding Intimacy Without Pressure or Manipulation Gary and Belah address the pain of sexless, disconnected, or emotionally distant marriages. They explain that true intimacy is not about obligation or pressure, but mutual joy, desire, safety, and love. Belah shares that many spouses come into the program wanting change in intimacy, but through the process, their motivation becomes deeper: loving their spouse well because they love God. Real Stories of Marriages Being Restored Belah shares several powerful examples of transformation, including: A couple who had gone 10 years without intimacy and experienced renewed connection after three months of doing the work. A wife whose husband had been checked out through video games, but who became more engaged, responsible, and affectionate after she changed her approach. A husband whose wife had been emotionally cold and distant, but who later began coming toward him with affection, conversation, and intimacy. Hope for Marriages That Feel Dead and Buried Gary and Belah are honest that not every marriage has a guaranteed outcome, especially when divorce, abuse, abandonment, or unsafe dynamics are involved. But they also emphasize that God can resurrect marriages that seem completely hopeless. Through Christ, practical tools, humility, and accountability, many couples have experienced healing they never thought possible. What Happens on a Clarity Call Belah explains that the first step is a free Clarity Call. During the call, a trained advisor listens deeply to the person’s story, prays for them, and helps identify what may be at the root of the marital struggle. From there, some people are invited to a Program Discovery Call to discern whether coaching is the right next step. Why Accountability Matters in Marriage Growth Gary explains that books, conferences, and resources can be helpful, but many people need someone to walk with them personally. Belah shares that Delight Your Marriage offers coaching, structure, small-group support, prayer, and accountability so participants are not trying to change alone. Help for Good Marriages That Want to Become Great The program is not only for marriages in crisis. Belah explains that even strong marriages can have hidden “leaks”—small areas where connection, intimacy, communication, or delight could become stronger. Sometimes a marriage that seems good can become far better than either spouse knew was possible. Support for Pastors, Missionaries, and Ministry Marriages Belah and Gary also discuss the importance of supporting pastors, missionaries, and ministry couples. Many leaders feel isolated in their marriage struggles, and Delight Your Marriage offers a private, Christ-centered place to receive help. Belah shares that scholarships are available for some full-time ministers. Special Invitation for Gary Thomas’s Audience To celebrate the partnership, Belah shares a special offer for Gary Thomas’s audience. Those who sign up and share that they were referred by Gary Thomas can receive $500 or more in savings if they sign up for a Clarity Call and coaching before May 15. Final Encouragement: There Is Real Hope for Your Marriage Gary and Belah close with a message of hope. A painful marriage does not have to stay the same. A distant marriage can become connected again. A marriage that feels dead can be revived by the power of Jesus. The invitation is simple: take the next step, begin with a Clarity Call, and discover what God may want to heal.
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531-Do We Call What is Holy "Sin" (and What is Sin "Holy")
04/25/2026
531-Do We Call What is Holy "Sin" (and What is Sin "Holy")
Do We Call What is Holy "Sin" (and What is Sin "Holy") When I was first a believer, I had a very strong view of what was right and what was wrong. I had a sense that anything I was uncomfortable with was definitely wrong. After a lot of of life…and sadly time away from Jesus…and God healing and redeeming my journey, I’ve come to realize that there are things I am uncomfortable with, but are not necessarily sin. And there are things I am comfortable with that aren't sin necessarily. -- Quote from a recent graduate: The program is great! I love the focus on self-growth, personal responsibility and spiritual practices that unlock God's love in our heart and the heart of our spouse. God truly used this program to change my life... I have a softened heart toward my wife now. I desire to love her the way God desires. I went from a miserable and sexless marriage to a wonderful and passionate sex-filled marriage! -- Because you and I are not meant to be led by what’s comfortable. We are meant to be led by the word of God. Today, I want to tackle some really important topics that will help, I think, clarify topics and themes that often trip Christians up. And it makes people love each other less. In your marriage. And your friendships. And your schools. And your workplace. We want to be defining our life in our direction. We do not want to be defining how we should behave and what we should do and what we should think simply because it’s the opposite of what the world does. We need to define ourselves by what God wants us to be doing. So today, I’m hoping that when you listen, you will gain a level of freedom in your heart and thoughts that you maybe didn’t have before listening. Because God calls us to freedom. In our relationships, in our thoughts, and in our hearts. That’s why he came to set us free. And I want that for you. Let’s get into it. Blessings, Belah PS - Make the appointment today. (before Coaching prices increase!) PPS - Here is a quote from another recent Coaching program graduate: My biggest marital struggle was resentment and poor communication. I was so unhappy. My husband is my best friend, and I didn't want to be around him or be intimate...[Now,] our communication is so much better.I learned to be vulnerable which showed him I trust him. In return he feels safe to be vulnerable with me.
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530-Zero Intimacy for Almost a Decade, Husband & Wife Share Their Miracle
04/18/2026
530-Zero Intimacy for Almost a Decade, Husband & Wife Share Their Miracle
Zero Intimacy for Almost a Decade, Husband & Wife Share Their Miracle Ten years of no physical intimacy. That is where husband & wife, Jim & Willa, found themselves. For 38 years of marriage, Willa described her husband as a "my way or the highway" kind of guy. And up until recently, Jim felt so frustrated and angry in his marriage that he wanted to leave. They were sleeping in separate bedrooms, had busy lives, he left before she woke up just to avoid her most days. Jim shared they literally hadn’t touched in years. -- Quote from a recent graduate: "Week by week in this program, I’ve been taking an honest look at myself and owning the ways I’ve dropped the ball in our marriage. I’ve been working on making [my wife] feel safe, known, and cherished, and when things get tough, I’ve been fighting my old habit of pulling away by choosing to lean in instead. I’ve been putting what I’m learning into practice—going from arguing almost every day to just a few times in the last six months, looking at my own heart first instead of blaming [my wife], and using the tools from MR so I’m not stuck feeling helpless when things aren’t going well... I’m seeing real growth in how I love her and how we connect." -- They did a marriage program. It was good information, but by the end, it didn’t help. Jim was at the end of his rope. He decided that he was ready to leave. When Willa suggested Delight Your Marriage, he essentially said: “I’ll try it, but if this doesn’t work, that’s the end.” What shocked him was the change that took place between the two of them week by week. He had to be willing to feel silly and do something new. She had to be willing to slow down enough to focus on her highest priority human. They both had to humble themselves, roll up their sleeves, and do the work. And the Lord changed everything. Now they’re connecting, laughing, hugging, and yes, even intimacy. In just a couple of months, they’re enjoying the best connection they’ve ever had in 38 years. Maybe it's also been a decade for you of no physical intimacy. Maybe it's been even longer. Maybe you haven't laughed together in years. Maybe you don't even like being in the same room together. We want you to know that you are not alone, and God is still working. Take this with you: No one is too far gone for God. No marriage is irredeemable. And He can bring delight to your marriage. Blessings, The Delight Your Marriage Team PS - Ready to take the next step in healing your marriage? (before prices increase!) PPS - Here is a quote from another recent Coaching program graduate: "As I reflect back over this journey, I see how God has led me closer to Him. I have begun to understand what it means in Romans when Paul says; “Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind…..” Truly grasping the perspective that [my wife] is God’s beautifully made daughter has changed everything for me. She is a blessing and a gift from the Lord….and my love for her today is so much greater than ever before... Thanks be to God for His abounding love. And thank you too Belah for your biblical passion, discernment, wisdom and courage to have this ministry."
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529-Driven? But Fulfilled? Interview with Brad Rhoads
04/11/2026
529-Driven? But Fulfilled? Interview with Brad Rhoads
You might be one who can work all day and feel great. And maybe you struggle to take a vacation. Maybe if you're really honest with yourself, you think productivity is next to godliness. If you're like Brad and I -- that's us nodding our heads. We're just wired that way. That's not the end of the story... But Brad had a mentor that wouldn't let go of him until he could see that drivenness is ruining his life. Not the fact that he is driven (Brad didn't give that up), but the fact that he felt he wasn't enough unless he achieved X, Y, and Z. Brad's marriage journey is pretty powerful and directly relates. If Brad was more committed to his work than his wife -- she would feel betrayed. As many wives do who have this dynamic in their marriages. Many out there sacrifice the possibility of peace and joy in their lives because they're too busy to notice the life Christ offers them. God is sufficient. God rested. God delights in us -- you can delight in this world, and you can delight in those He intends for you to delight, your spouse and your children. Let's abide in Him and learn from Brad as he shares these refreshing insights. Find out more about Brad and his work with marriages in churches at Blessings, Belah PS - Ready to take the next step in healing your marriage? (before prices increase!) PPS - Here is a quote from a recent Coaching program graduate: "My contact with DYM has completely transformed my life. I was depressed, pessimistic, shackled by shame, and largely unaware of who I was and what effect I was having on my family. Through the skills and habits I learned in DYM God has truly made me a new creation. I now look forward to each new day and have a deep, healing, life-giving relationship with God that has freed me from shame, depression, and self-loathing."
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528-Good Friday: The way you treat your spouse reveals what you really believe
04/03/2026
528-Good Friday: The way you treat your spouse reveals what you really believe
Today marks the day that God stooped so low to live a perfect life and die a gruesome sinner's death -- to save you. And save me. Why? Not because we were perfect. Not because we could earn His love. Who could earn that? But because He decided we were worth it. We aren't deserving of His sacrifice because we're so great -- it's because HE'S so great. He's so good, kind, and gracious that He decided we were priceless to come and rescue. And if you are priceless -- a prized treasure Jesus came to save... Is your spouse? If the answer is yes... Are you treating your spouse like they are Jesus' prized treasure? Priceless in the eyes of the God of the Universe? Do you believe they are? In today's episode, I hope to remind you of how loved you are by the Lord. And with that in mind, I hope you also remember how loved your spouse is. May that encourage us to love each other better and with a fuller heart. Blessings, Belah PS - Ready to take the next step in healing your marriage? (before prices increase!) PPS - Here is a quote from a recent Coaching program graduate: "My contact with DYM has completely transformed my life. I was depressed, pessimistic, shackled by shame, and largely unaware of who I was and what effect I was having on my family. Through the skills and habits I learned in DYM God has truly made me a new creation. I now look forward to each new day and have a deep, healing, life-giving relationship with God that has freed me from shame, depression, and self-loathing."
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527-If Your Wife Puts the Kids First, This Is the Leadership Problem You Need to Fix
03/27/2026
527-If Your Wife Puts the Kids First, This Is the Leadership Problem You Need to Fix
Become the man your wife respects and desires again—before prices increase -------------------------------------------- I'm speaking to a man who wants to fix things. He is not a whiner, complainer, or blamer. He's interested in taking responsibility and making things better. But if he's really honest with himself, sometimes he feels that his wife prioritizes the kids above him. If you're in that category, I'd like to speak to you directly. You're right, it's not ok. This isn't a good dynamic. And if she's a Jesus-follower, it's also not biblical. Ok. Now that that's settled. What do you do? The thing you CAN control is yourself. You can update the lens by which you are evaluating the situation. As a driven guy you know that if you do the same thing in business, you'll get the same results. But if you shift gears and do something else -- you'll see different results. That's what I'm inviting you to do today. Shift gears. Try on a different set of lenses and see if God can change your marriage through you. Let's go. Here to see you win, Belah PS - Ready to take the next step in healing your marriage? Schedule a free Clarity Call today (before prices increase!): PPS - Here is a quote from a recent Coaching program graduate: “I was living in a repeating cycle of expecting sex, not being fulfilled by it because of her lack of desire for me, being angry at her for not trying to connect with me in the relationship, holding it in for as long as possible, then trying to "fix it" by talking to her about it or lashing out at her..[Now,] The biggest celebration I have had would be my change in perspective…I have learned that as a husband and father it is up to me to set the tone in our family. I am now living in God's purpose and design and the pieces around me are falling into place. Realizing that it's not what happens around me but how I see it and react to it has been the biggest blessing from this course.”
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526-How to Get Her In the Mood (& Turn Her On) [Re-Release]
03/20/2026
526-How to Get Her In the Mood (& Turn Her On) [Re-Release]
526-How to Get Her In the Mood (& Turn Her On) [Re-Release] I think all the wives will want their husbands to listen to this one. Because I have the good fortune of working with men every (work) day and hearing their unfiltered thoughts about intimacy… I can help you understand why your wife often rejects you. One of the major truths is that it’s SCARY to initiate sex with your wife. So, you probably do… But in general, it’s a half-invested way, in hopes that her rejection won’t feel so painful. Because from experience it has been rejected, even your best attempts. Fast forward to today. Now, because a husband’s attempt at enticing his wife to make love is so “inadequate” for fear of rejection. (Jfyi “inadequate” was the thesaurus’s replacement for “lame” ) For this reason, the wife naturally would reject it. But what if we took the fear out of this exchange entirely? And your enticing her towards intimacy was filling for her and could even be successful!? AND you’re not full of fear. Is that even possible? I think with these insights, you will be well on your way. to invite a wife–who is never in the mood– to be in the mood! [Original Release Date: October 8th, 2021] PS - Ready to take the next step in healing your marriage? Schedule a free Clarity Call with one of our Clarity Advisors: PPS - Here is a quote from a recent Coaching Program graduate: Before MR, miscommunication and emotional distance were our normal. We argued often, and a deep sense of distrust had taken root, largely because I had failed to make our marriage a true priority...The ongoing conflict left me carrying a constant weight of guilt while doing ministry on campus, knowing things at home were not going well...[After MR], I’ve come to realize that the problem began with me and was fueled by my own selfishness...Shifting from arguing nearly every day—or at least every other day—to having only a handful of disagreements in the past six months has brought a new sense of stability and peace to our home...I now feel equipped with the tools to continue moving our marriage forward.
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525-Simple Ways to Have Intimacy More Often
03/13/2026
525-Simple Ways to Have Intimacy More Often
[Belah here - AI was not used to draft or write this description] As silly as it may seem, something as sacred and biblical as marital intimacy comes right down to the practical of "hey, it's just too quiet in the house for intimacy". So, how do you solve for the biggest reasons a couple doesn't connect in this God-honoring way? Well, that's what today's conversation is all about. In this episode, we do a lot less philosophy and theology and get into the specific tools that can help you no matter how busy your life is right now. Even if other things you've looked into haven't given you something practical to do that is attainable. My goal by the end of this episode is for you to consider new things you can implement into your life that can tear down the blocks to intimacy in a practical way. Ultimately, at Delight Your Marriage want to help and make your spouse and marriage feel loved, playful, and even passionate together. To read an AI generated summary, Belah
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524-A Pastor Didn’t Expect Marriage Help to Come This Way
03/06/2026
524-A Pastor Didn’t Expect Marriage Help to Come This Way
[Belah here - AI was not used to draft or write this description] Sometimes I have been asked if I, as a woman, should be teaching men. When it comes up, I really appreciate that question because it shows a level of maturity and commitment to scripture. The truth is, I never intended to be coaching or training men. That, in fact, is something I was against, at first. I intended to just follow Titus 2 by inviting women to learn to love their husbands well. As I wrote the book and started the podcast and coaching women with this end in mind, men started reaching out to me. It was kind of uncomfortable at first. I didn't know what to do with it. They were asking how they could get their wife to listen to my material. "I have no idea. That's on you." I wasn't cold-hearted, I just didn't think it was prudent. Well, I was speaking to my husband, and he felt like it would be ok to speak to some of them via email or possibly a phone call, just so I could understand. And when I did, I could tell "wow, now I see why she is rejecting". And not only that, I could see that she was really suffering too. So with prayer and wise counsel and the blessing of my husband, I went for it and tried a pilot coaching program for men. Amazingly, every single man got amazing results (even though only 1 went through the course -- and she didn't know he did it!) Glory to God. From there, we've tweaked and updated and, by God's grace, are at a place where God is doing miracle after miracle here. Would love you to hear Aaron's story of the pursuit of God's way in his marriage. As a pastor, he likely had to grapple with this question -- is it ok to be trained by a woman in this topic? And he decided the answer should be yes. You're welcome to check out our convictions surrounding , here. And the Lord worked in his heart and in his marriage -- even though only he did the work. We are so excited to share his story with you! Would love to work with you too! for next steps. To read an AI generated summary, . Belah
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523-My Pain > Victim > Rebel > Repentance Journey
02/27/2026
523-My Pain > Victim > Rebel > Repentance Journey
[Belah here - AI was not used to draft or write this description] I have grown in my journey of processing pain. But I still slip up. Today, I want to share with you a recent insight I've received on what I still need God's help to work through. I hope we can walk together, looking at our Savior, first and foremost to discover His purposes for our suffering. Your suffering matters. It matters to God. It matters in His will. There is comfort in knowing He has a purpose for it. I'd love to share what God is teaching me through His word and what I hope will be encouraging for you in your story. Let us be open to being guided by His Word first and foremost. Let us see His correction as His kindness that leads us to repentence because He is so, so good. To read an AI generated summary, . Love & sincere prayers for you my precious listeners, Belah PS - Quote from a recent graduate: After being celibate almost a decade, they are now intimate regularly and both are thrilled! Wife: "Overall I'm crazy about the DYM system and process. It worked for us like nothing else did in our 38 years of marriage." Husband: "I have learned that God is more important than sex. And sex isn't a reward for doing what I should be doing any way" Mic drop. :) Would love to invite you to be part of the journey! to learn more.
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522-A Marriage Transformation 5 Years in the Making: Dan's Story
02/20/2026
522-A Marriage Transformation 5 Years in the Making: Dan's Story
A Marriage Transformation 5 Years in the Making: Dan’s Story There are transformations that happen fast—like a spark, a breakthrough, a moment where everything shifts.And then there are transformations that happen patiently, steadily, layer by layer… over years. Dan’s story is that second kind. Because five years ago, Dan wasn’t walking around thinking his marriage was “bad.” He actually wrote on his intake form that their marriage was probably a six or seven—a good marriage. A steady marriage. A marriage with history and shared life and inside jokes. But there was one ache that wouldn’t let him rest: Intimacy had disappeared. And the pain of that—especially when you love your spouse, you’re faithful, you’re trying, you’re confused, and you still can’t “fix it”—can start to completely take up your mind. And Dan could feel it happening. So he did what so many people do when they’re desperate: he went looking for answers. “This lady knows my pain…” Dan had never been a podcast guy. But when the ache gets loud enough, you’ll do things you’ve never done before. He started listening to podcasts, searching for help, trying to understand. At one point, he even heard a podcaster say something like: Maybe you’re not in the right marriage. Maybe you need someone new. And something in him basically said: No. Not here. Not this. Then he found the Delight Your Marriage podcast. And at some point he realized: “This lady knows me. She knows my pain.” He listened to tons of episodes back-to-back. And for the first time, he didn’t feel crazy. He didn’t feel alone. He felt understood. But understanding is only the beginning. When pain starts shaping your identity Dan shared how consuming the pain became. He couldn’t focus. He couldn’t think about much else. He was constantly running conversations in his mind—replaying, analyzing, spiraling. And this is what matters if you relate: When intimacy is strained, it doesn’t just affect your bedroom.It affects your heart. Dan knew his wife loved him. They spent time together. Their life was connected. But intimacy was absent—and that absence created a deep wound. The “last button” moment Dan told the story of how he finally joined the Coaching program. He had passed on signing up a couple times. And then the third time, he went through the whole checkout process… and just didn’t click the last button. And he prayed something like: If God wants me to click that button, I’m going to click that button. Then came one of those days—the kind of day you can’t focus, can’t breathe right, can’t stop the frustration boiling under the surface. So he clicked. He even looked it up later: October 16th, 2020. Sometimes obedience doesn’t look “spiritual.” Sometimes it looks like a trembling hand over a mouse, clicking a button you’re scared to click. But God uses that. “I wasn’t ready for success yet.” Dan’s growth wasn’t immediate fireworks. It was slow. It was real. And honestly, it was holy. He said something deeply mature: “I probably wasn’t ready for a lot of success in the very beginning… I would have misused some of that success.” Do you hear the humility in that? He realized that early on, even when he was doing “the right things,” his heart motive was still off. He was still doing the work for what he could get. And that’s the turning point for so many people. Because you can “apply principles” and still be self-centered.You can “try harder” and still be serving your own appetite.And God loves you too much to let that be the foundation. Dan described the real shift like this: “I’m not doing it for her. I’m doing it for the Lord. And intimacy becomes a byproduct.” That is biblical alignment. That is maturity. That is worship. The brotherhood you didn’t know you needed Dan thought he’d try the graduate group for a only couple months… because he “didn’t do well with whining.” Five years later, he’s still there. Why? Because what surprised him most wasn’t the content—it was the brotherhood. When men get into a room (yes, even a Zoom room), they size each other up. But in this space, men began becoming honest, vulnerable, accountable, and deeply connected. Dan shared: “Once you get through some of the things we deal with… there’s not a whole lot left to keep secret.” That’s not shame. That’s freedom. And there is something healing that happens when you’re fully seen—and still loved. He described men calling him out when frustration rose. It was painful at the time… but helpful, because those men knew what he truly wanted: to grow his marriage and grow with God. This is what iron sharpening iron looks like in real life. The tools that change daily life Dan mentioned a few practical pieces that became part of his transformation: Daily gratitudes Faith statements Learning “known, safe, wholeheartedly cherished” These were just a few of the tools he learned through the Coaching program that radically changed his day-to-day, and in turn, his marriage. For example, Dan admitted he was giving his wife what worked for him—respect, admiration, sexual intimacy—but he didn’t understand what many wives are longing for at the deepest level: To feel known.To feel safe.To feel wholeheartedly cherished. He said, “I didn’t know those things… and I’m not sure how I was supposed to know them.” And that’s exactly why training matters—because most people were never taught how to love in a way that truly lands. When your spouse comes on board in their own way Another beautiful part of Dan’s story is that his wife eventually did DYM Academy, an in-person training that we offer for churches and small groups, and he described a shift that he couldn’t even fully explain at first: “Our marriage is different. I feel different. Something’s different.” Sometimes a spouse is hesitant because they’ve been hurt, wary, guarded, suspicious, exhausted… or because they simply don’t want to hope again. But God is patient. And in Dan’s story, God wasn’t just transforming Dan—God was also orchestrating timing, humility, readiness, and trust. If you’re hurting… jump in. Near the end, Dan said something that deserves to be repeated: If you’re listening and you’re in pain…If you’re angry, confused, resentful, scared…If you keep thinking, I’ll just listen to podcasts and figure it out… Dan’s encouragement was simple: Jump in. Because you don’t have to carry this alone. There are things you don’t know yet.There are patterns you can’t see yet.There is healing you can’t manufacture by willpower. And there is a community of people—staff and volunteers—who truly can’t wait to see your smile come back as your heart changes and your marriage begins to shift. Dan even said it plainly: “The harder you work, the faster it’ll happen. I’m a testament to that.” If a Clarity Call feels scary… Dan admitted he was too scared to do one at first. But he also shared something important: Once you talk to someone safe, kind, and grounded, the fear starts to lose its grip. If anxiety is the barrier, hear this: You don’t need perfect words.You don’t need a polished story.You don’t need to know what you “should” do next. You just need to take the next step. Final Thoughts If you are reading or listening and have thought about making a Clarity Call, but were simply too afraid… you can do it. There are Clarity Advisors (Melanie, Charles, and Dana) who are ready to hear your story. Your spouse is waiting for you to make that call. Your children are waiting for you to make that call. Your family is waiting for you to make that call. And you are waiting on yourself to make that call. You can do it. Start the process. And see what is on the other side. Blessings, The Delight Your Marriage Team PS - If you're ready to take the next step in transforming your marriage, we would love to chat with you. Schedule a free Clarity Call at . PPS - Here is a quote from a recent DYM Academy graduate: "Porn was stealing the attention and arousal that my wife deserved. Her beautiful body was being replaced with a screen. I knew I was addicted to porn when I began to prefer watching porn to having sex in real life. I began to even question why I ever got married...I knew I did not want this to continue this pattern for my life. So on week 6 of this course, I reached out to a few of the men in the course to be my accountability brothers. I made the commitment to stop looking at porn for good. I’m 1.5 months into this journey and I promise never to go back!...[Now,] we are fully enjoying each other the way God intended. Images of other women are no longer clouding my head, and I feel connected to her in a way that feels deeper and deeper each time we’re together intimately. I love her so much, and I miss her already as I’m writing this testimony in the other room."
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521 - Truths Inspiring Me About Confidence and Character — A Conversation with My Son
02/14/2026
521 - Truths Inspiring Me About Confidence and Character — A Conversation with My Son
Truths Inspiring Me About Confidence and Character — A Conversation with My Son Sometimes the most convicting spiritual lessons don’t come from a sermon. They come from hearing a child say something honest— something simple— and realizing God is speaking through it. And as you listen to this conversation about habits, confidence, and walking with Jesus, you may feel that gentle nudge to return to what’s true. Lean into that. Because your habits are always taking you somewhere. And the small choices you make today shape who you become tomorrow. You Don’t Drift Into Confidence You might think confidence is a personality trait. Something you either have or you don’t. But confidence is rarely about personality. It’s about formation. It’s about what you repeatedly do. When you build habits that align with truth — reading Scripture, practicing gratitude, caring for your body, choosing honesty — something steady begins forming inside of you. Not hype. Not ego. Not loud self-assertion. But quiet strength. And the opposite is also true. When you repeatedly avoid truth, bend honesty, indulge jealousy, or neglect your health, that forms something too. And eventually, that formation becomes your character. You don’t wake up one day confident or insecure by accident. You drift there — one habit at a time. What You Feed Your Mind Shapes Your Identity If you only occasionally open your Bible, what fills the gap? Your worries. Your spouse’s tone. Your insecurities. The voice in your head that says you’re not enough. But when you consistently feed your mind the truth of Scripture, something changes. You begin to live from being cared for. Not striving for approval. Not grasping for validation. But anchored in being loved. You cannot feel confident if you don’t believe you are deeply cared for. And that belief doesn’t grow accidentally. It grows through repetition. Gratitude Rewires Your Perspective If you only focus on what you don’t have, you will start to believe you have nothing. You will compare. You will resent. You will feel behind. And even when you do get what you wanted, it won’t satisfy you — because comparison has already shaped your lens. But when you practice gratitude — intentionally naming what is good — you retrain your heart to see abundance. You begin to notice: God has been kind. God has provided. God has not left you alone. Gratitude doesn’t ignore pain. It simply refuses to let pain define the whole story. And that builds stability. That builds joy. That builds confidence rooted in truth rather than circumstance. Your Body Matters More Than You Think You are not “just a soul.” You are embodied. Jesus didn’t come as a concept. He came in flesh. Your body is not accidental. It is not disposable. Scripture calls it a temple of the Holy Spirit. When you neglect your body — through constant exhaustion, poor nourishment, or silent self-criticism — you aren’t just affecting your health. You are shaping how you see yourself. And when you care for your body — even in small ways — you are saying: “This matters. God’s creation matters.” Confidence grows when you respect what God has given you. Not in pride. But in stewardship. The Habit That Quietly Undermines Everything Let’s talk about honesty. You may not consider yourself a liar. But do you exaggerate to seem more impressive? Withhold truth to avoid discomfort? Bend the story to protect your image? Lies feel small in the moment. But every time you tell one, something inside you weakens. Because you know the truth. Even if no one else does — you do. And when you repeatedly override your own integrity, you slowly erode your own confidence. You cannot feel strong while betraying yourself. Real confidence is inseparable from integrity. And integrity requires courage — especially when no one is watching. God Delights in Integrity Zephaniah says something stunning: “The LORD your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; he will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you by his love; he will exult over you with loud singing.” -Zephaniah 3:17 ESV But just before that, it speaks of a people who refuse deceit, who walk humbly, who seek the Lord. “Yes, I will punish those who participate in pagan worship ceremonies, and those who fill their masters’ houses with violence and deceit.” -Zephaniah 1:9 NLT God delights in truth. God delights in humility. God delights in integrity. Not because He is demanding perfection — but because integrity aligns you with how you were created to live. When you choose honesty. When you confess sin. When you turn from a habit that weakens you — even if you fail again tomorrow — you are stepping toward freedom. You are stepping toward formation. And God delights in that movement. You Are Not Stuck If you’re listening and thinking: “I have bad habits.” “I’ve let things slide.” “I don’t like who I’ve been becoming.” Hear this clearly: You are not stuck. Habits can be unlearned. Patterns can be interrupted. Integrity can be rebuilt. Start small. Choose one habit. One verse. One act of gratitude. One moment of honesty. Repeat it. Push through the discomfort. Because the first time you choose differently, it will feel awkward. The fifth time, it will feel possible. The fiftieth time, it will feel like you. The Person You’re Becoming You are always becoming someone. Not someday. Today. Your habits are forming the atmosphere of your home. Your habits are shaping your marriage. Your habits are influencing how your children see faith. Your habits are determining how you see yourself. So lean into that gentle nudge. Not with shame. But with resolve. You don’t need dramatic reinvention. You need daily alignment. And when you choose small, faithful obedience — again and again — you will wake up one day and realize: You didn’t just build better habits. You built stronger character. And from that character, real confidence grew. And that kind of confidence? It cannot be shaken. Blessings, The Delight Your Marriage Team PS - If you want help building up these better habits, in your personal life or your marriage, we would love to chat with you. Schedule a free Clarity Call at to see if we are the right fit for you. PPS - Here is a quote from a recent Delighted Wife graduate: "Biggest struggles coming into the program were my responses to my husband (detached, uncertain, hurt, even bitter). Everything felt like gloom and doom and I didn't really know what to say or do...[Now,] Forgiveness was huge! Freed me from weight that was killing me slowly. Gratitudes play a vital role in renewing my mind and showed me that there's always something to be thankful for - even in the storm…DYM has helped me with a hard reset in my mind and heart.”
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520-The Deep Theology of Sexual Unity (With Some Fun!): Interview with Randy and Rozanne Frazee
02/06/2026
520-The Deep Theology of Sexual Unity (With Some Fun!): Interview with Randy and Rozanne Frazee
The Deep Theology of Sexual Unity (With Some Fun!): Interview with Randy and Rozanne Frazee Many of us were handed a shallow theology of sex — one that quietly divided the spiritual from the physical. But what if intimacy was never meant to be separate from your spiritual formation? What if marriage — even your sex life — is woven into the very story of God Himself? What if sex wasn’t just God-permitted — but God-designed? And what if your marriage is part of a much bigger story than managing stress, navigating differences, or even improving your sex life? Because here’s the truth: When you start seeing your marriage through God’s storyline instead of just your stress and circumstances, something shifts. Not overnight. Not magically. But deeply. Steadily. For real. When you start seeing your marriage through God’s storyline instead of just your stress and circumstances, something shifts. Not overnight. Not magically. But deeply. Steadily. For real. And that’s exactly what Randy and Rozanne Frazee unpacked in today’s episode. In this episode, you’re getting a conversation that is both wildly profound and surprisingly fun. Because yes—you can talk about theology, the Trinity, the image of God, and sexual unity… and still laugh. And that’s exactly what happens when you sit down with Randy and Rozanne. They’ve spent decades helping believers understand the Bible not as scattered verses—but as one cohesive story of God’s love and pursuit. Randy has been a pastor for 38 years and had a personal mentoring relationship with Dallas Willard—so much so that Dallas asked him to rewrite Renovation of the Heart for students. And Randy and Rozanne are not just brilliant—they’re the real deal. High school sweethearts, married 44 years (going on 45), four kids, and now five grandbabies in the mix. What makes this episode so special is this: They don’t just talk about the Bible. They talk about how the Bible transforms marriage, unity, and yes… even your sex life. You Keep Reading the Bible Like a Reference Book… But It’s Actually a Love Story You’ve probably been taught to read the Bible in pieces: a Proverb for wisdom a Psalm for comfort a verse for anxiety a passage when your marriage is hard And those are good. But if you only ever grab the Bible for a quick fix, you can miss the whole point: it’s one grand love story—from Genesis to Revelation—about the lengths God will go to get you back. When you start seeing Scripture as one unfolding narrative, you stop reading it like a scattered collection of morals… and you start hearing it like a steady message: God is pursuing you. God is restoring you. God is rewriting what sin tried to destroy. And yes—this includes your marriage. You’re Not Just Living a Life… You’re Living a Story You live in what Randy and Rozanne call the “lower story”: Lunches. Laundry. Bills. Hormones. Conversations you’re avoiding. Tension you can’t name. The ache of feeling alone, even though you’re married. And it’s real. But there’s also an “upper story” happening at the same time: God’s bigger plan, God’s spiritual reality, God’s redemptive work that you can’t always see while you’re in the middle of the mess. You see it clearly in Scripture: Job experiences devastating loss in his lower story… while an unseen spiritual battle is happening in the upper story. Joseph is betrayed, enslaved, and forgotten in his lower story… but God is positioning him in the upper story to preserve His people. That’s why Joseph can say, “What you meant for evil, God meant for good.” It doesn’t mean the lower story didn’t hurt. It means the pain wasn’t the point. So ask yourself: What if the hard thing you’re living through right now isn’t proof you’re failing… but proof God is working? God Created Marriage to Reflect His Image—and Sin Has Been Trying to Ruin It Ever Since You’ve heard the phrase “two become one.” But you might not realize how sacred that actually is. Marriage wasn’t just meant to be companionship. It was meant to reflect something divine: unity, love, covenant, oneness. In the beginning, God says, “It is not good for man to be alone.” And you can read that like, “Aw, God wanted Adam to have a friend.” But it’s deeper. God Himself is relationship—Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. Not isolated. Not independent. Not self-focused. Unity. So when God creates marriage, He’s not just giving Adam a partner. He’s giving humanity a living picture of His image. And that’s why the enemy attacks it so relentlessly. Because if your marriage reflects God’s love, covenant, and unity… it becomes a threat to darkness. You Can Know Scripture… and Still Not Live It One of the most powerful themes Randy and Rozanne address is something you’ve probably seen too: You’ve met people who know the Bible. They can quote verses. They can correct theology. They can debate Greek words. And yet… They aren’t gentle. They aren’t kind. They aren’t tender. And you’re left thinking: How can someone love God’s Word and still not look like Jesus? Randy explains this through something he learned from Dallas. He describes the difference between: believing something is the “right answer” versus believing it as a “way of life” And this matters for your marriage, because it’s the difference between: knowing what love is supposed to look like and actually becoming the kind of person who naturally loves well The “12-Inch Journey” That Changes Everything Randy talks about the journey from: Head knowledge → Heart transformation And he explains it in a way that lands: When Jesus says, “Turn the other cheek,” He isn’t just commanding you to grit your teeth and try harder. He’s describing what becomes natural when your heart has been reshaped. And that is what every marriage needs. Not just more information, but more transformation. Sexual Unity Isn’t Just Physical… It’s Theological If you’ve ever wondered why marriage feels so sacred—and so fiercely contested—this is why. Lean in, because this is where things get breathtaking. Randy explains the concept that: God is three Persons (Father, Son, Holy Spirit) who share one Being And marriage—two becoming one—is meant to reflect that kind of unity. Not perfectly. Not as God. But as an earthly image. And Rozanne brings it back to the practical: Sexual intimacy bonds you in a way nothing else does. It is not “just physical.” It is a sacred expression of covenant oneness. And when you treat your spouse like an “other” instead of part of your own being… You start wounding your marriage from the inside. You Don’t Need Your Husband to Be a Seminary Graduate to Be a Spiritual Leader If you’re a wife reading this, you may be carrying a burden you were never meant to carry: “I’m the one who prays.” “I’m the one who gets us to church.” “I’m the one trying to get him to lead.” “I’m exhausted.” And if you’re a husband reading this, you may feel stuck too: “She knows more than I do.” “I don’t even know where to start.” “I work hard, but I still feel like I’m failing.” Here’s something freeing: Spiritual leadership isn’t about being the most impressive. It’s about being the one who initiates. The leader is the starter. The one who creates space where spiritual thriving can happen. That might look like: “Hey, let’s read something together for 15 minutes.” “Let’s pray before dinner.” “We’re going to church as a family.” “I want God in our home, and I want to learn.” That’s leadership. And yes—your wife might know more Scripture right now. But what she’s been longing for isn’t your performance. It’s your presence. Your courage. Your initiation. If You Want Him to Rise, Stop Coaching His Weakness and Start Naming His Strength This is where it gets tender. Because if you’re honest, you’ve probably tried to motivate him with disappointment. You’ve tried to push him into leadership by pointing out everything he’s not doing. You want to feel safe. You want to feel supported. You want to be led. But here’s something you need to understand about men: Men move toward competency, not incompetency. If you highlight his failure, he retreats. If you honor his effort, he leans in. So if he makes even a small move—don’t critique it. Celebrate it. If he picks up a Bible, don’t correct how he reads it. If he prays, don’t edit his words afterward. If he initiates church, don’t mention that it’s “about time.” Instead, try this: “Thank you. That meant a lot.” “I feel cared for when you do that.” “I’m grateful you’re leading our family.” This isn’t fake flattery. It’s faith. It’s calling out the man you want him to become—while giving him a reason to keep going. Your Intimacy Will Not Heal If You Keep Avoiding the Scariest Conversations One of the enemy’s favorite strategies is fear—specifically fear that keeps you from talking honestly about intimacy. You live with this person. You share a bed. You share a home. So why does it feel terrifying to say what you want? What you need? What hurts? What you’re longing for? Because intimacy is powerful. And the enemy knows if he can keep you silent, he can keep you disconnected. But if you can learn to speak with tenderness, honesty, and safety… You can rebuild something beautiful. And here’s the truth: Sex isn’t dirty. It’s sacred. It’s a physical expression of covenant oneness. And when joy rises in your relationship, romance often rises too. Not because you force it. But because safety creates desire. And desire grows where connection is nurtured. You Don’t Need Two Hours a Day. You Need One Small Step of Obedience. You might be thinking, “Okay… but I’m tired. Our life is chaotic. Where do we even begin?” Begin small. Set a timer. Fifteen minutes. That’s it. Obedience comes before blessing. And when you take one small step toward God together, it does something inside you. It starts moving belief from your head to your heart—where real transformation happens. Little by little, fruit grows. And fruit isn’t for the tree. Fruit is for the person who tastes it. Which means: your spiritual growth is meant to bless your spouse. Your Next Step: See the Bible as One Story (Not a Scavenger Hunt) Randy and Rozanne recently released a book called Encountering God’s Love: From Genesis to Revelation. And their heart behind it is simple: Most believers don’t struggle because they don’t love God. They struggle because they don’t understand the storyline. They know verses… but not the narrative. So this book is designed as 52 weeks of bite-sized pieces, walking you through Scripture chronologically, helping you see: God’s story your story and how your marriage fits into redemption And yes—this is something you can do as a couple. Even if you’re exhausted. Even if you’re busy. Even if you feel behind. Final Encouragement Your marriage isn’t just a relationship you manage. It’s a covenant you steward. And if you’ve been living like the lower story is all there is—God is inviting you to look up. He’s writing something. Even here. Even now. Even in your marriage. So take a breath. Ask Him what He’s doing in the upper story. And take the next step. Because your story isn’t over. And God is very, very good at bringing dead things back to life. Including you. Including your spouse. Including your intimacy. Including your marriage. Blessings, The Delight Your Marriage Team PS - Want to check out Encountering God’s Love for yourself? to visit Randy's website and learn more. PPS - Are you ready to take the next step in transforming your marriage? We would love to chat with you. to speak with one of our Clarity Advisors and see if we are the right fit for you. PPPS - Here is a quote from a recent graduate: "The atmosphere in our home was very toxic with lots of hollering and hurtful things said. There was no fun or joy. We were just existing. This affected my thought life as I was very disappointed in myself and felt like I was a hypocrite as I am a leader in our local church and lots of people look up to me. I felt like God was even disappointed in me. I felt shame for not being a good wife...[Now,] I have become more aware of my actions and reactions to my husband, and realized I have the power, with God’s help, to make our marriage good and to love my husband well. The tools I have learned in DW will forever be in and on my mind as I focus on becoming the wife God desires me to be. I have learned that sex is good and holy and also meant to be pleasurable for me! The atmosphere in our home is changing and playfulness is back!"
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519-Have Compassion on Your Husband's God-Given Desire
01/30/2026
519-Have Compassion on Your Husband's God-Given Desire
Have Compassion on Your Husband's Desire This is a tender topic. And for some of you, even reading this headline might make your chest tighten. Because desire can feel complicated. Painful. Loaded. Or honestly… just exhausting. And yet, this conversation matters—not to shame you, not to pressure you, but to invite you into compassion. Not obligation. Not fear. Not duty-driven compliance. Compassion rooted in God’s design for marriage. The Enemy Thrives on Distraction One of the enemy’s most effective strategies in marriage is not always obvious sin. It’s distraction. Distance. Avoidance. Silence. When sexual intimacy is broken in a marriage—when it’s infrequent, half-hearted, or consistently avoided—it quietly becomes a distraction for both spouses. Especially your husband. Not because he’s weak. Not because he’s demanding. But because sexual intimacy is not a small issue in his life—it is deeply connected to how God designed him. When that connection is missing, it costs him far more than you may realize. Your Husband’s Desire Is Not Separate From Who He Is Your husband’s sexual desire is not something he can simply turn off. It is woven into his physical design, his emotional wiring, and his sense of being wanted and chosen. When that desire is consistently rejected, it creates real pain—often silent pain. Pain that takes up mental space, affects focus, and drains confidence and steadiness. Just as hunger dominates attention when the body is not nourished, deprivation in intimacy dominates attention when a husband does not know if—or when—connection will happen again. God Did Not Design Sex to Be Optional in Marriage Scripture is clear. “Do not deprive each other.” (1 Corinthians 7:5) This is not a suggestion. It is not conditional on feelings. It is not shaped by cultural norms. God designed sexual intimacy to be part of the covenant of marriage—for unity, protection, and connection. This does not mean ignoring trauma. This does not mean tolerating coercion or manipulation. This does not mean silencing wisdom or boundaries. But it does mean that long-term deprivation is outside God’s design—and He does not give commands without also offering grace and a path toward healing. If Intimacy Feels Difficult, There Is a Reason If moving toward intimacy feels heavy, forced, or emotionally overwhelming, there is almost always something beneath the surface. Shame about your body. Fear of being used. Past sexual pain or trauma. Resentment that has not healed. Pressure that replaced joy. Messages that taught you sex was dangerous, dirty, or merely a duty. These blocks are real and they deserve attention. But they do not get the final word. God is not asking you to ignore your story—He is inviting you to bring it into the light where healing is possible. Intimacy Was Designed to Be Good God designed marital intimacy to be: Naked and unashamed Enjoyed, not endured Protective, not destructive A celebration of union Scripture celebrates this openly, without embarrassment. Your husband was designed to enjoy the female form, and God gave him exactly one holy place to do that: within marriage. When that place becomes closed off, the cost is deeper than most couples realize. Start Before You Feel Ready Waiting until everything feels healed often means waiting indefinitely. Freedom usually follows obedience—not the other way around. Consistency matters more than perfection. Even choosing regular, predictable intimacy—without everything feeling “fixed”—can begin to rebuild safety, quiet anxiety, and soften resistance. When intimacy is rare, it becomes a mountain. When it is steady, it becomes normal. When it is generous, it becomes life-giving. Your Marriage Was Meant to Be Missional Marriage was never designed to exist only for comfort. It was designed to strengthen both spouses for the work God has called them to do. Healthy intimacy does not distract from God’s purposes—it supports them. But when intimacy is withheld, it often becomes the very distraction Scripture warns against. Your compassion has power. It can steady your husband. It can protect your marriage. It can remove a burden he may be carrying quietly. Final Encouragement If this stirred something in you—conviction, grief, resistance, or even hope—don’t rush past it. That stirring matters. God does not expose something in your heart to shame you. He does it to heal you. You are not being asked to become someone else overnight. You are being invited to take one faithful step—today—toward compassion, obedience, and freedom. There is grace for the journey. There is wisdom for the next step. And there is hope—more than you may be able to see right now. You are not alone. And God is not finished here. Blessings, The Delight Your Marriage Team PS - If you want help walking through this with wisdom and care, we would love to come alongside you. Book a free Clarity Call at . PPS - Here is a quote from a recent graduate: "I was irritable and depressed all the time. I kept thinking something was wrong with me because I couldn't stop wanting sex. I knew my wife hated it and thought if I was a better man I could stop wanting it and live without it...[I learned] that God designed me to want sex and I was not made wrong. I also learned I am not alone. Many men have struggled like I have and have wives like mine. The biggest celebrations I can remember are her coming to me! To cuddle, to sit with me, to want to be with me, to take me out. She told our daughters to move because she wanted to sit by me during movie night. She has taken steps towards intimacy with me on her own without me pressuring her."
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518-Husbands, Draw Her Back: Order of Operations
01/23/2026
518-Husbands, Draw Her Back: Order of Operations
Husbands, Draw Her Back: Order of Operations Gentlemen, you have likely heard that you are meant to be the leader of your home. You've likely heard it from the pulpit, maybe from your own family. So what happens when your wife feels distant? Maybe the invitation isn’t to push her to follow — but to lead in such a way that her heart feels safe coming back to you, drawing her back with tenderness, compassion, and safety. In this episode, we are diving into why women often feel the need to control and how you as a husband can help shift the culture of your home, draw her back, and have the marriage you've always wanted–with a wife that trusts you, supports you, and is cheering you on. A Tale of Two Marriages If you have been around Delight Your Marriage a while, you might know part of the back story–married very young, determined to be a submissive wife, did everything a good Christian woman is supposed to do. And yet there was discord. There was quarreling. There was strife. There was even competition. There was a feeling of never being good enough, let alone cherished. There ended up being a filing for divorce (something to plead the blood of Jesus over) and walking away from God for a period of time. The hurt was severe. Everything had been done right, how did it go so wrong? Then came meeting Darrow. Even in dating, it was so different than anything before. After years of feeling uneasy, uncared for, and on edge– there was finally safety. Yes, physical safety, but also emotional safety. Safe to share and not be ridiculed. Safe to express emotion and it be received with steadiness, patience, and kindness. Safe to be fully open and not be mocked or shamed. That tenderness and kindness brought safety. And that safety led to trust. How to Lead a Leader As marriage went on, certain things arose. He wasn’t taking as much initiative as before. He wouldn't get things done that needed to get done. He wasn't leading. But this time it was different. There was a realization: He actually didn't have permission to lead. It had not fully been given to him. There was still control, and that made him feel angry and apathetic, like "Why even try?" So, the response changed. No more steering the ship. No more hands on the reins. He is the leader. And now, there is so much more happiness and rest. But it was only because he had shown his character–that he is a trustworthy person, that he is safe–that there was even confidence to be able to allow him to lead. That confidence was not there in the first marriage. There was no safety. There was fear and unrest, and so control was the answer. Think of an animal that feels scared–is the best way to get them to follow you to continue being tough and assertive? Or is it to show that you are gentle and they will be safe with you? So, What Needs To Happen First To Draw Your Wife Back? So then, what draws your wife back? It looks something like this: Establish Safety She must be emotionally, spiritually, and physically safe. She is safe to open up. She is safe to express. She knows she is going to be accepted fully as she is. What if you can't accept her fully as she is? What if you are waiting for her to change and then, you can fully love her? If that is where you're at, consider what Christ did for you. "You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous person, though for a good person someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." - Romans 5:6-8 (NIV) Christ did not wait for us to be perfect in order to love us. And if you, men, are called to love your wives as Christ loved the church, it means loving her always, no matter the circumstance. Love her regardless and establish that safety. Grow in your relationship with Christ. Truly exemplify the fruit of the Spirit (remember patience :)). Slowly Reestablish Jesus-Like Leadership In all things, lead from love. If you have great leadership, but have not love, it is "but a clanging cymbal" (1 Cor. 13:1) For more insight on drawing your wife back, take a listen to today's podcast. A Final Encouragement Dear men, we want you to take up the mantle of leadership. In your workplaces, in your churches, in your families. But your wife needs safety first. She needs to know that she can trust you. Just like that gentle animal we spoke about before–will yelling and pressuring build safety and trust? No. Ask the Lord to show you in what you have built trust in the past. Then, ask Him to show you how you have broken trust. Finally, ask Him how you can rebuild trust again and create a culture of safety. It is worth it, dear gentleman. The time and effort are worth it. If we can help in a more specific way, speaking more directly to your personal marriage, we would love to do so through our Coaching programs. We are rooting for you, gentleman! With love, The Delight Your Marriage Team PS - If you're ready to get more personalized coaching that will bring life and safety back into your marriage, we would love to chat with you. with one of our Clarity Advisors (who have been in your shoes) and discover what next steps look like for you. PPS - Here's a quote from a recent graduate: "Through the DYM program my marriage went from a hopeless pit of despair to a God-honoring home of safety and love."
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517-From “You Were Never There for Me, Dad” to “I Want to Marry a Man Like You”
01/17/2026
517-From “You Were Never There for Me, Dad” to “I Want to Marry a Man Like You”
It is our honor and privilege to have Charles on the podcast with us today. Many of you have maybe already spoken to Charles. He serves as one of our Clarity Advisors here at Delight Your Marriage and has done an incredible job of listening to your stories and giving you next steps, but most importantly, giving you hope. What you might not know about Charles is that he spent many years as a very successful businessman. I mean, he was (and is!) a force! And that's what people saw on the outside: 40 years in business, two homes, active in ministry, a wife of 3o years, two grown children. Everything looked perfect. But it wasn't the full picture. “On Paper, We Had Everything… But We Were Just Roommates” The full picture was that Charles was in pain. His marriage was suffering. He felt like they had become roommates and the intimacy and connection wasn't there. His daughter, after watching her parents fight yet again, brought up to him that "all you and mom do is fight". She didn't feel safe and their relationship was strained, so much so that she even mentioned she would prefer he not be the one to solely walk her down the aisle when the day came. There was pain, true pain. That moment with his daughter became a turning point. He cried out to God. And God answered. Finding the Delight Your Marriage Podcast Charles found the Delight Your Marriage podcast—and after only two episodes, he booked a Clarity Call and jumped in. What followed wasn’t easy. It required humility. Repentance. Unlearning cultural “norms” that were never biblical to begin with. But what he discovered was sobering and freeing all at once: Being a provider is not the same as being present Strength without gentleness hardens the heart Leadership without humility blocks intimacy—with your spouse and with God And slowly—steadily—everything began to change. When a Daughter Finally Feels Safe One of the most profound transformations wasn’t just in Charles’ marriage—it was in his relationship with his daughter. Years earlier, she had told him, “Why can’t you be like my friend’s dad?” Instead of defending himself, Charles did something radically different. He listened. He apologized and owned the pain he had caused. And he stayed emotionally present instead of shutting down, like he had done in the past. That conversation marked the beginning of healing. Fast forward to this past Christmas, two years after starting this program, his daughter handed him a card. Inside, she wrote: “Every day you bless me so abundantly with peace and security of knowing you have me… I hope my future husband is even half of what you are to me.” That card became the most valuable gift Charles has ever received, and he saw, even more, how the changes he had made changed the trajectory of his family. A Marriage Built on The Rock Charles often says something that shocks people: “I would give it all away for a shack on a rock if it meant having what we have now.” Why? Because before, his marriage was built on cardboard and duct tape, as he says. Cultural assumptions, pride, and survival mode. Now, it’s built on the Rock. Biblical wisdom. Daily repentance. Practical tools. Accountability. Peace. Life Now as a Clarity Advisor Charles’ story doesn’t end with his own marriage. Today, he serves as a Clarity Advisor, walking alongside other men and women who feel stuck, hopeless, or unsure where to begin. He’s seen: Wives move back into homes after separation Pornography addictions broken Years-long intimacy restored Homes transformed by peace And now, pastors are bringing Delight Your Marriage Academy into their churches—because the need is everywhere, including globally. Final Encouragement Now, two years later, Charles' marriage is completely transformed, his relationship with his daughter is completely transformed, and he, himself, is completely transformed. God has truly turned mourning into dancing. This is not a one-off event. This is the God we serve–who heals marriages and changes lives, who heals hearts and minds, who redeems families and generations. He cares. He cares deeply about Charles and answered his cry. And He cares about you. If you are waiting for an answer from God, maybe this is the answer. Maybe calling and taking that next step is the answer. We are rooting for you and we love you. God bless you! Blessings, The Delight Your Marriage Team PS - If you want to take the next step and chat with our incredible Clarity Advisors, like Charles, schedule a free Clarity Call here. We would love to talk with you. PPS - Here is a quote from a recent DYM Academy graduate: "I thought this was well presented and very comprehensive. The clarity of what women need to be safe, known and wholeheartedly cherished was spot on. I understood the basics but seeing it formalized was really beneficial to me. The listening skills and the way they were presented cannot be overstated."
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516-A Pastor with a “Prostitute” Mindset Changed His Ways: Jerry’s Story
01/10/2026
516-A Pastor with a “Prostitute” Mindset Changed His Ways: Jerry’s Story
516-A Pastor with a “Prostitute” Mindset Changed His Ways: Jerry’s Story There’s a quiet frustration many good men carry. You’ve tried to talk. You’ve tried to suggest counseling, books, podcasts—something. You’ve even tried explaining your heart. And still… she doesn’t seem to listen. Doesn’t engage. Doesn’t change. If that’s you, let me say this gently but clearly: God may be asking you to go first. And yes—that can feel unfair. But it is also where real transformation begins. When You Find Yourself Becoming Someone You Didn't Want to Be One husband recently shared that after nearly three decades of marriage and years of faithful ministry, he found himself in a place he never expected. Not because his marriage had been bad. But because it was changing—and he wasn’t prepared. His wife’s body was changing. Their season of life was shifting. Transitions piled up. And slowly, something in him hardened. He was becoming "grouchy" and "crusty". He said it plainly: “I just didn’t like how I was becoming… and I didn’t like how I was treating my wife.” That awareness matters. Because most men don’t wake up one day intending to pressure, resent, or withdraw. It happens subtly—when expectations go unmet and entitlement slowly but surely begins to creep in. A Marriage That Became Transactional Instead of Sacrifical Many men come to this work believing, “If my wife would just listen… if she would just change… then we’d be okay.” But here’s the truth that was exposed in this man's life: he was living transactionally. “I didn’t realize I was living in a transactional relationship until those transactions weren’t happening.” In other words: I give love → I expect intimacy. I serve → I expect responsiveness. This man had never thought of himself as transactional—until intimacy slowed and frustration surged. That’s when God began to do the deeper work. Take the Focus Off Intimacy to Heal Intimacy One of the most countercultural invitations men hear in this process is simple—and deeply uncomfortable: Take your foot off the gas. Not forever. But for now. Because a woman cannot open her body when her heart doesn’t feel safe. She needs to feel safe, known, and wholeheartedly cherished—especially in seasons of vulnerability like menopause, grief, exhaustion, or long-term transition. This husband learned that before asking anything of his wife, God was asking him to rebuild safety. And that required humility. The "Prostitute" Mindset Going through the Masculinity Reclaimed process, this man shared something that he learned that changed everything for him: “[Belah said] you guys are treating your wives like prostitutes. And the fact that you are not making them feel safe. You are not making them feel fully known...and you are not wholeheartedly cherishing your wives. Yet, you know, you flip the switch at...10 o’clock, 11 o’clock at night, and you want intimacy, and you’re getting grouchy or whatever when that doesn’t happen.” He had never seen it this way before, and it changed everything for him. It was painful to hear. And necessary. Because intimacy without safety and care doesn’t feel like love to a woman—it feels like obligation. Doing the Work Made a Change in Their Marriage This man didn’t tell his wife he was doing the work at first. But she noticed anyway. She noticed the listening. The gentleness. The apologies for things that happened years ago. And eventually, she asked. Change preached is often resisted. Change embodied is felt. Yes, intimacy improved. But that’s not what this husband points to as the greatest win. He says the real transformation was internal: Healthier expectations A reordered life A clearer understanding of his responsibility as a man Final Encouragement If you’re waiting for your wife to change before you soften… If you’re tempted to push, convince, or withdraw… If you’re tired of feeling unseen… Hear this: God honors the man who goes first. Not the man who wins the argument. You are not alone. And this is not the end of your story. It may be the beginning of the truest work God has ever done in you. You can do this, sir. God bless you! With love, The Delight Your Marriage Team PS – Ready to take the next step in renewing your heart and your marriage? We would love to chat with you. with one of our Clarity Advisors, who have all been through the program and have been where you have been. It’s time to take the leap. PPS – Wondering just exactly how healthy your own marriage is? Are you also surviving instead of thriving? and see what your marital score is–and how we can help. PPPS – Here is a quote from (another) recent graduate: "We argued a lot. Said hurtful things to each other. Raised voices in front of the kids. Less emotional connection generally. Sex felt merely physical and not emotionally connected...not fulfilling. Usually felt like duty. And I have always been initiating and my wife has often complained about that...[Now], I've become more contented and patient and focused on her needs and a better listener I think. She says our home has less tension since I've been doing the program. I take that as a win! She has initiated twice in the past 2 weeks! Very rare before this!" (Guest name has been changed for safety and anonymity)
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515-New Years Resolutions with Hope
01/02/2026
515-New Years Resolutions with Hope
515-New Years Resolutions with Hope Happy New Year! If you’re reading this a couple days into 2026—welcome. And if you’re reading this in the middle of 2037, it still applies. Because God is still on the throne. He is still a good Father. And He is still interested in crafting and molding your heart—especially in the middle of real life… including the hard parts. Put Your Growth Mindset On (Yes, Literally) If you’ve been in our Delight Your Marriage sphere for any length of time, you know I’m a little obsessed with growth. So, the New Year is one of the things I look forward to the most. I want to share something that we do in coaching calls. It can honestly look silly… but it works. We put our hands over our heads like a hat and we say: “Put your growth mindset on.” Why? Because the posture matters. A growth mindset says: “God can change me.” “I’m not finished yet.” “This isn’t the end of my story.” “My marriage isn’t stuck forever.” A fixed mindset says: “This is just how I am.” “Take it or leave it.” “This is all there is.” For us as believers, a growth mindset is a reflection of our faith. Our hope is rooted in a God who raises the dead (Romans 8:11), who changes hearts of stone into hearts of flesh (Ezekiel 36:26), and who redeems the years the locusts have stolen (Joel 2:25). Having a growth mindset is a reflection of the hope we have in Jesus. A New Year Reflection That Actually Changes You Here’s what I like to do around the New Year (and yes, if you haven’t done it yet, you still have time). I go month by month through the previous year and write down what I remember—hard things, good things, major moments, heartache, breakthroughs. Then, I pray: “God, what do You want me to learn from this year?” Because honestly… if He doesn’t bring it to mind, maybe it isn’t the thing He wants me to carry forward. Then after I list the moments, I write two categories: Wins Learnings Not because I’m trying to build a scrapbook of accomplishments or places I fell short, but because I’m trying to build wisdom. When You’ve Been Crushed… God Is Doing Something There’s a passage in 2 Corinthians 1 where Paul describes being: utterly weighed down crushed despairing of life itself And then he says this: 7 And our hope for you [our confident expectation of good for you] is firmly grounded [assured and unshaken], since we know that just as you share as partners in our sufferings, so also you share as partners in our comfort. 8 For we do not want you to be uninformed, brothers and sisters, about our trouble in [the west coast province of] Asia, how we were utterly burdened beyond our strength, so that we despaired even of life [itself]. 9 Indeed, we felt within ourselves that we had received the sentence of death and were convinced that we would die, but this happened so that we would not trust in ourselves, but in God who raises the dead. 10 He has rescued us from so great a danger of death, and will rescue us; on Him we have set our hope [and confident expectation] that He will continue to rescue us. -2 Corinthians 1:7–10 (AMP) That suffering was to keep them from trusting in themselves… and to depend on God who raises the dead. Friend… what if that pain you walked through wasn’t proof God forgot you? What if it was proof He was calling you deeper? Not into self-reliance. Not into “I’ll just manage.” But into dependence. And yes, dependence feels vulnerable. But it’s also where hope is born. And we have a God that we CAN depend on. So wherever you relied on yourself this past year… know you can rely on God. The Subtle Trap: Distracting Yourself Instead of Depending on God Sometimes sneaks in during suffering: Distraction. When we hurt, we’re tempted to numb. A screen. A scroll. A snack. A show. A YouTube rabbit hole. A constant something to get us away from feelings that are uncomfortable. And the question becomes: What am I trusting to comfort me? Is it God? Or is it a coping mechanism—even a “normal” one—that quietly replaces Him? If we want to be dependent on God, it must be for our comfort too. You Can Do “Christian Things” and Still Miss Love In thinking of resolutions for the new year, we need to also think about the heart behind it. I want you to take into consideration 1 Corinthians 13. It is not just a wedding reading. It’s a mirror. You can do all sorts of impressive things: serve teach sacrifice prophesy lead build give generously …and Scripture says: if it isn’t done in love, it amounts to nothing. So here’s a New Year question that matters more than “Did I hit my goals?” Did I love? Conviction Is Kindness (And Shame Is Not From God) In thinking about growth for the new year, consider Hebrews 12. It says ‘God disciplines those He loves.’ So, conviction is not God crushing you. Conviction is God reminding you of truth. The world doesn’t know what to do with guilt and shame—so they do mental gymnastics, or distract, or blame, or numb. But we know what to do. We run to Jesus. Because the gospel is not “try harder.” The gospel is: Jesus lived the life we couldn’t live, died the death we deserved, and made a way for us to walk in freedom. So whatever is being brought up as you look through your past year that you feel convicted of… good. That means you’re alive. Now bring it to Him. Don’t Forget to Thank God for the Ways He Changed You In all of this, in looking back at your past year and all the things you “checked off”, don’t forget to also say thank you. One of the most humbling moments in Scripture is when Jesus heals ten lepers… and only one comes back to thank Him. How many times have we prayed: “God, change me.” …and then He does… …and we move on like it was our willpower? When God grows you—thank Him. Because He is good. Because He is faithful. Because your testimony becomes someone else’s hope. Your Identity Isn’t What People Say—It’s What God Says Another thing to take into this year is that people may misunderstand you. They may assume motives, they may hold your past over your head, even after you’ve repented. And you know what? Jesus was falsely accused too. So yes, sometimes we process feedback and ask God: “Is there something I need to learn here?” But other times? You release it. Because your identity is: Beloved daughter. Beloved son. He created you. He delights over you. And He is not done with you. Do not let the misunderstandings of this past year stop you from stepping into who God wants you to be in this new year. Jesus Has a Yoke for You—and It’s Lighter Than What You’re Carrying Jesus says: “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” -Matthew 11:28-30 So ask yourself: What have I been carrying that Jesus didn’t ask me to carry? What do I need to leave behind in this past year? Social expectations? Other people’s opinions? Constant stimulation? Endless noise? And then ask: What does it look like for me to come to Jesus? For me, it can look like: journaling on the couch with coffee and water worship on a walk playing the piano and singing to Him getting on my knees on the carpet and saying, “Lord, I need You.” What about you? Because loving God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength is not just good in theory. It is meant to be a lived practice. Who Are You Assigned to Love This Year? Finally, this is about WHO your assignment is this year. In most seasons, your assignments go like this: your spouse your children (if you have them) the people God places in front of you And yes—when someone is suffering, priorities shift. We don’t walk by wounded people like the Pharisee. But we also don’t try to become the Holy Spirit for everyone. So here’s a New Year question: Who is God calling me to love well—consistently—this year? Final Thoughts Maybe as you read this you’re realizing: “I’m not patient or kind… not at home.” “I don’t know how to love my spouse well.” “My spouse was so mean last year.” “I was misunderstood by my friends and family.” “I’m exhausted and numb and discouraged.” We are here for you. And here’s what I know after years of seeing real transformation: When God changes a man or a woman from the inside out… the marriage changes too. Not by manipulation or control. But by genuine love. We believe that this new year can be a year of incredible personal growth as well as beautiful transformation in your marriage. Don’t let another year go by. We are here for you and we are rooting for you. Welcome to 2026! With love, The Delight Your Marriage Team PS - If you want help taking real action—especially in your marriage—your next step is to Schedule a free Clarity Call. It’s a conversation to help you get clarity on where you are, what’s happening, and what support would actually help. You can find it at: PPS - Here is a quote from a recent Coaching graduate: “My biggest struggle was frustration that while my wife and I were both committed to the LORD and faithful in personal prayer and devotions, as well as church attendance and fellowship with other mature Christians, we did not feel like our relationship was thriving… I felt alone and abandoned, didn’t realize I craved respect, and rarely ever felt it. Intimacy was fairly regular, but very regimented…[Now,] I have the tools…I already see a lot of personal change in so many specific ways in which I interact with my wife, how I focus on her…we’ve just enjoyed being together more, with mini dates to delight her, and so many little practices I’m implementing to revive her spirit”
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514-40 Years of Broken Trust to Safety & Celebration: A Christmas Miracle (Laura's Story)
12/20/2025
514-40 Years of Broken Trust to Safety & Celebration: A Christmas Miracle (Laura's Story)
514-40 Years of Broken Trust to Safety & Celebration: A Christmas Miracle (Laura's Story) There is a kind of marriage pain that does not look dramatic.It’s not an outward struggle.Just a quiet ache.A marriage that functions but does not feel alive. Laura lived in that space for decades. From the outside, her life looked good. Forty years of marriage. Seven children. A faithful husband. A stable home. A shared faith. Everything a good Christian marriage is supposed to be. And yet, beneath the surface, something was missing. Emotional Safety.Real connection.Being fully seen. For a long time, she told herself she had nothing to complain about. Her husband was faithful. He wasn't an alcoholic. He never abused her. He provided well for his family. But inside, Laura carried a question she barely allowed herself to ask: “Is this really all there is?” The Hidden Cycle That Brought Broken Trust Even with her husband’s steadiness and Laura’s determination to be grateful, there was a painful habit that entered their marriage early on that would consistently rear its ugly head. Her husband was addicted to porn. This was their cycle for many years:-Her husband would confess porn use.-There would be repentance and renewed effort.-Then, pressure would follow. Laura would put the blame on herself, thinking, “If I did better, this would not happen.” She read tons and tons of books, trying to better herself.She kept respect for her husband.She pursued intimacy, knowing it was important to him. And still, the cycle kept returning. So, she did what many wives do–she minimized her pain.She told herself others had it worse. After all, he worked hard. He stayed. He was a good man. Why complain? But the heart does not heal simply because we silence it. And this belief that Laura had that it was on her was not only a lie… but it was heavy and destructive. Decades of “Just Okay” Laura kept carrying the weight of keeping the peace and enduring that vicious cycle of porn use. So, she poured herself lovingly into family life. She homeschooled their children.She kept their home while he went to work, the way they were taught to do. And yet, beneath the surface, she felt emotionally disconnected. Alongside that, she felt there was no safe place to process her pain.No one equipped to walk with her.Even when reaching out to a Christian counselor, it wasn't quite enough. So, she pushed her own pain down...for decades. But pain does not disappear because it is ignored.It simply goes underground.And it shows up as numbness, distance, or quiet resignation. Eventually, Laura realized something had to change. She could not continue living like this. She told her husband he needed help for his porn addiction and that if he did not, they may need to consider divorce. Her husband obliged, and they tried counseling together, which helped some. But it wasn't until he entered the work privately through the Coaching program that something different happened. When Safety Was Introduced Into Her Marriage Though Laura didn't know he was taking a marriage course (He shared he was taking an online class), she started to notice a difference in the way he showed up to their marriage. He did not try to fix her or pressure her.He did not demand that she change. He began bringing home flowers, letting her know she was beautiful just the way she was, planning dates.He became emotionally present.Humble.Gentle.Safe. He changed. For the first time in their marriage, Laura began to feel celebrated for who she already was instead of feeling like he wished she were different. She no longer felt like she had to earn love. She felt cherished, emotionally safe, and truly loved–just the way she was. And it changed everything. From Feeling Skeptical to Feeling Hopeful After having heard a DYM podcast episode several years before these changes, Laura had closed herself off to the thought of DYM. But then, upon hearing an episode that we created for wives, she began to see the full picture more clearly and open herself up to the program. She decided to try it herself, even though she was still a bit skeptical. She realized that what made the difference was not only the content, but the context.She was no longer alone.She had community.She had a specific place to ask her specific questions about her marriage. For the first time, Laura had a safe place to speak honestly and to process pain without being blamed. She learned she could have a voice in her marriage. She could ask for help.She learned intimacy did not have to be driven by pressure.She learned she could say no to certain requests without any fear. Most importantly, she learned she mattered. 40 Years of Marriage–And Hoping For Many More “In short, it’s better than it has ever been.” Our hearts filled up when she shared this with us. Her husband is more in tune to what she needs and will go out of his way to bring in "delights"–if it's planning something special, bringing her flowers, or going along with Laura's spontaneous plans (even though he is the planner in the relationship!) Also in the past few years, her husband has kicked his porn addiction for good and has remained in community through Delight Your Marriage, which has helped keep him accountable and growing. As for Laura, you can hear the joy and peace in her voice as she shares, “I never expected that it would be this good.” Praise God. There is no person too far gone and no situation too desperate for the Lord. He is a God that heals and redeems–hearts, habits, marriages, and so much more–because He cares for us. And it is true for you too. As we enter the last few weeks of the year, including celebrating the birth of our Savior, we invite you to remember what God has done and how much He loves you. Enough to send His son for you, as a defenseless child, to live a perfect life and one day die to pay the debt we could never have paid. And then to send His Holy Spirit–to counsel us and guide us. And even now, He is available to us to redeem and save the lost, heal our hearts, and be near to his children. He loves us.He loves you. We hope you will keep this truth near to you these next few weeks and remember once again that He sent His son to redeem everything. With love, The Delight Your Marriage Team PS - Want to bring the Delight Your Marriage Coaching to your church? Our next round of In-Person Training will be launching early 2026. to learn more about the mission & vision of IPT and how you can bring it to your small groups & churches. PPS - Wondering just exactly how healthy your own marriage is? Are you also surviving instead of thriving? and see what your marital score is–and how we can help. PPPS - Here is a quote from (another) recent Delighted Wife graduate: "I took the Delighted Wife program. Coming into the program, I was so hopeless that my marriage could ever get better. My heart was full of deep hate for my husband - I had years of built-up unforgiveness and pain for all of the ways I felt he had hurt and abandoned me...I was deeply depressed and suicidal from the pain of the marriage. I constantly saw death as the only way to be free of this hole that I had dug for myself...Emotionally, I am a completely different person. My heart is full of love and joy over my marriage and gratitude to the Lord for the way He has grown me. The Lord literally pulled me out of the darkness and also has shown me how much I was negatively contributing to the marriage...This is the first time in the almost 3 years of marriage that I haven't wanted to leave. I see so much beauty in my marriage and my husband."
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513-The Christmas Reset: Peace Over Perfection (Interview With My Sons)
12/12/2025
513-The Christmas Reset: Peace Over Perfection (Interview With My Sons)
Christmas can feel magical.It can also feel exhausting. If you’re a parent who secretly feels pressure rising as the holidays approach—the expectations, the mess, the emotions, the memories—you’re not alone. And sometimes, the clearest wisdom doesn’t come from another parenting book or productivity hack. Sometimes it comes from children. I sat down with my two sons for a conversation about Christmas. I expected sweetness and laughter (and we definitely had that). But what I didn’t expect was how profoundly wise their reflections would be—for moms and dads who want to keep Christ and joy at the center, even when emotions run high. May this conversation be a gentle reminder for all of us about what truly matters this season. The Most Important Thing During the Holiday Season When I asked my boys what makes Christmas special, their answers were simple: Being with family Giving and receiving gifts And most importantly—Jesus Isn’t it interesting how easy it is for adults to know that truth, but still lose sight of it when stress enters the room? Kids seem to understand something we forget:Christmas isn’t about perfection.It’s about presence. Not perfect decorations.Not perfect meals.Not perfect behavior. But hearts that are oriented toward love. How Christmas Gets Derailed (And What Actually Matters) One of the most insightful moments came when we talked about what can ruin Christmas. Their answer? A negative, ungrateful attitude. And then they surprised me again by pointing out something many parents don’t want to hear: “Adults need to remember this too.” Children feel the atmosphere of a home.Even when no words are spoken. Tension.Unresolved anger.Stress that leaks out sideways. Kids may not understand the details—but they absolutely feel the weight. And when parents are overwhelmed or snapping at each other, it impacts everything. When You’re Tempted to Snap at Your Spouse So, what do you do when you're tempted to snap at your spouse? Here’s where the conversation turned especially tender. We talked about parents getting stressed—especially moms who want everything to be “just right” before guests arrive. And my sons said something profound: Take ownership of your emotions Don’t take stress out on your spouse Walk away if you need to Calm your body before speaking They emphasized taking ownership of the way you choose to respond. We discussed Matthew 12:36 that says, "I tell you, on the day of judgment people will give account for every careless word they speak," The win isn’t never feeling frustrated.The win is choosing restraint, humility, and love in the moment of temptation. The Gift of Calming Yourself Before You Speak How do you calm yourself before you lose your temper? They offered practical ideas—simple, doable, grace-filled: Take a walk Drink cold water Take deep breaths Step outside or into another room Take a long shower with space to think Not to avoid responsibility—but to prevent harm. Because once harsh words are spoken, they linger.And children remember not just what we say—but how it felt to be in our presence. If You’ve Messed Up Before… There Is Grace What if Christmas in the past was painful?What if words were spoken—or wounds created—that still ache? Their advice? Pray Go to the person you hurt Say “I’m sorry” sincerely Ask if there’s anything you can do to repair And then—trust God with what you cannot undo. You are not disqualified from joy because of past mistakes. Keeping Christ at the Center (Without Adding Pressure) When I asked how families can keep Jesus at the center of Christmas, their answers weren’t complicated: A nativity scene A meaningful star on the tree Praying before meals Simply thinking about Jesus Not performance. Not religious pressure. Just intentional reminders. Sometimes the most Christ-centered thing you can do is slow down enough to remember why you’re celebrating. Final Thoughts: What Happens After Christmas The final question: When January comes, how do you want to remember this Christmas? My boys said: Happy, Safe, Grateful, Hopeful. Not impressed.Not exhausted.Not relieved it’s over. But filled. That kind of Christmas doesn’t come from doing more. It comes from being more present. If the holidays feel intimidating this year, hear this:You don’t have to create a perfect Christmas.You are invited to cultivate a peaceful one. One where Christ is honored. Where your marriage is protected. Where your children feel safe. Where grace is louder than stress. And if you feel overwhelmed already—pause. Jesus came for this kind of moment. May your home be filled with warmth, peace, and joy this season. And may Christ—not pressure—be at the center. With love, The Delight Your Marriage Team PS - We are hosting our In-Person Training Celebration Call THIS Sunday at 6:30p. ALL are invited to hear the incredible stories of transformation and learn more about what's next for IPT in 2026. PPS - If you're ready for more individualized coaching, we would love to speak with you. with one of our Clarity Advisors and find out more about Delighted Wife or Masculinity Reclaimed. PPPS - Here is a quote from a recent IPT graduate: "This program is not like anything else, any other marriage course, I’ve taken before. It goes deep and specific into marriage issues, and they provided practical steps to improve my marriage. After 10 years of marriage, I’ve forgotten how to desire being with my wife...Today it feels like the days of our early relationship and we look at each other like we were newly in love."
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512-What Turns Her Off — and What Godly Husbands Do Instead
12/05/2025
512-What Turns Her Off — and What Godly Husbands Do Instead
What Turns Her Off — and What Godly Husbands Do Instead Have you ever wished you could just…get inside your wife’s heart for a moment? Not to manipulate, but to genuinely understand her. To love her in a way that makes her feel safe and wanted—not pressured or confused. My husband Darrow and I sat down to talk through something men rarely get honest insight about: Her biggest turn-offs. And not because we want to shame or scold—but because clarity brings freedom. When you finally understand what shuts her down, you also discover what opens her heart. So take a deep breath.You're not in trouble.You're learning—and that already makes you a good man. Let’s walk through these turn-offs together, with God’s kindness leading us all the way. 1. When Affection Feels Like a Transaction One of the most common complaints I hear from wives is this: “Every time he does something sweet, it feels like he’s trying to get sex.” A back rub, a coffee, a hand on her waist, a date night—beautiful gestures—become tainted when she senses they come with an expectation. When affection is only a bridge to the bedroom, she feels: Used Not loved for who she is Like her worth is tied to her sexual availability God never intended marital intimacy to be a negotiation.Love her without a scoreboard. Bless her without an agenda. 2. Grabbing, Pinching, or Smacking Her Body When She’s Not Comfortable Yes…wives talk about this. And I know many husbands mean it playfully.But if she doesn’t feel safe—emotionally, spiritually, or physically—this kind of touch feels like entitlement, not affection. Her body is not something to be “snatched.”She needs room to open, not pressure to surrender. When she feels cherished—not grabbed—she wants to share her body freely. 3. Taking “Not Now” Personally If she says she’s tired, overwhelmed, stressed, or simply “not right now,” it’s almost never about you. But when a husband interprets it as: Rejection Lack of desire “She doesn’t love me” …it puts enormous emotional weight on her shoulders. Instead, respond with: “No worries, sweetheart. Another time would be wonderful.” That confidence and peace will draw her toward you—not away. 4. Moping After She Says No Emotional sulking is not harmless. Moping communicates: “You disappointed me.” “Now I have to punish you with sadness.” “You’re responsible for my emotions.” This shuts her heart down.Fast. Your steadiness and joy—even when she’s not available—makes her feel safe. And safety is the soil where desire grows. 5. Punishing Her for Not Wanting Sex This is one of the deepest wounds wives carry. Punishments include: Silent treatment Withholding affection Moving to another room Being cold or distant Only being “nice” when you want intimacy These behaviors feel manipulative and honestly frightening. Your wife is not the enemy. She is the assignment God entrusted to you. Lead with love, not consequences. 6. Lack of Playfulness Playfulness is essential to intimacy. If everything feels heavy, serious, structured, pressured…then her nervous system never relaxes enough to enjoy being sensual. Silliness is holy ground for a woman’s heart. Laughter lowers her guard.Playfulness creates connection. If you want her to be playful in the bedroom, she needs to experience playfulness outside the bedroom. 7. Not Feeling Emotionally Safe Women cannot separate emotional connection from physical intimacy. I’ll say that one more time. Women cannot separate emotional connection from physical intimacy. When she feels emotionally unsafe, her body shuts down. Emotional Safety looks like: Listening Compassion Being slow to speak and quick to understand Responding gently Supporting her heart, not “fixing” immediately When she feels heard, she opens. 8. Being a “Negative Nellie” (or Negative Ned!) Constant complaining is exhausting and not attractive. It pulls the atmosphere of the home downward and makes her feel like she has to carry your emotional weight. There is space to process hard things—but constant negativity drains the joy God wants in your marriage. Rejoice. Notice blessings. Bring hope into the home. 9. Bitterness and Resentment Long-term resentment is a marriage-killer. Bitterness communicates: “I haven’t forgiven you.” “You owe me.” “I’m still keeping score.” This is the opposite of Christlike love. Your wife cannot relax into intimacy with a man who holds her mistakes over her head. Forgiveness clears the ground for closeness to grow again. And if you need a little extra inspiration, let us turn you to Matthew 6:15 (NIV): “But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.” 10. Being Too Serious All the Time Intensity has a place—but not every moment. When a man is always stern, rigid, perfectionistic, spiritual-but-heavy…it makes her feel like she can never fully exhale. If she can’t be herself around you, she won’t be vulnerable with you. Joy is a fruit of the Spirit—not an optional extra. 11. Using Slang or Sexual Words She Doesn’t Like Words matter. Some husbands use slang affectionately or playfully.Some wives love it.Others absolutely don’t. If slang or sexual language makes her uncomfortable, embarrassed, or unsafe, it becomes a turn-off—not a turn-on. Honor her preferences. You’re not losing freedom—you’re gaining connection. Final Thoughts: So What Do You Do with All This? If reading this stirs conviction…good. Conviction is not condemnation.The enemy heaps shame.God invites repentance—and repentance leads to freedom. Your wife is God’s daughter. And He entrusted her to you. Every shift you make toward loving her well brings you closer to His heart and closer to hers. We’re rooting for you! Blessing, The Delight Your Marriage Team PS - If you want help walking this out in real life—not just head knowledge—that’s exactly why our coaching and in-person training programs exist. Men who were separated from their wives…Men in sexless marriages…Men whose wives felt unsafe for years……have seen transformation they once thought impossible.For more information on our In-Person Training programs, launching January 2026, check out If you’re ready to dive into the Coaching programs, please feel free to schedule a free Clarity Call at PPS - Here is a quote from a recent In-Person Training pilot program graduate: "My wife and I have been separated for 6 months, and the same day as our [IPT] graduation, she chose to and began moving back into our matrimonial home. I also told her about our [IPT] program that same day. Up until then, I had said I was attending a men’s bible study. All praise be to God."
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511-Forty-Five Years Married and Afraid of Retirement: Patty's Story
11/28/2025
511-Forty-Five Years Married and Afraid of Retirement: Patty's Story
Forty-Five Years Married and Afraid of Retirement: Patty's Story Patty had a life most people would admire. Forty-five years of marriage. Four children. Seven grandkids. Retirement. A kind, steady husband. From the outside, it looked like she had it all. But inside? Patty was scared. Not because she didn’t love her husband. They laughed together, they got along. But underneath the “good,” there was a quiet ache. A deep disconnection she didn’t know how to fix. And as retirement began and the rest of life slowed down, and the thought of spending more time with her husband began to feel like a weight in her chest, she realized... she couldn't keep going like this. Love Your Husband, Even When You Don't Like Him Every few months, things would blow up. Patty and Greg would hit a wall and neither one really understood why. To make it worse, Patty carried deep embarrassment that she hadn’t "figured out" marriage after four and a half decades. She’d tried to talk to friends. They were in same boat as her. She’d tried Christian counseling and received such troubling advice that Patty believes it would’ve led to separation—maybe even divorce—if she had followed it. Nothing was working. And it brought even more discouragement and hardness around her heart. So when Greg sent her a few Delight Your Marriage podcast episodes, suffice it to say, she felt "prickly" about it (her words!) They rubbed her the wrong way and she wasn't ready to hear it. But God was pursuing her heart. A Compassionate Clarity Call Felt Like a Breath of Fresh Air Three months later, in one of those hard “every-few-months” moments, Patty found herself on the Delight Your Marriage website. She clicked on the button for a Clarity Call—not quite knowing why. What she found on the call wasn’t pressure or judgment. It was peace and grace. Someone gently saying, You’re not alone. No guilt. No shame. Just a safe space to say: “I love my husband… but I don’t always like him. And I don’t want to keep living this way.” Letting God Change Your Heart Patty shared with us that she had spent years thinking, "If he would just change, if he would be more tender… then things would change." But in the program, a shift started happening. Through practical tools, biblical truth, and the ability to ask anonymous questions, God helped Patty see that healing didn’t start with changing Greg. It started with a softening in her own heart. And as she changed? Greg did, too. He noticed her gentleness. He felt her respect. And without her asking, he responded differently. Patty happily shared with us, “I’m pleasantly surprised. I can feel the way I did when we were first married.” (What a celebration!) Letting Him Take the Lead Not long ago, Patty and Greg needed to have a hard conversation with their daughter and son-in-law. The old Patty would have jumped in. She would’ve taken over and shut down her husband to avoid conflict with the kids. But this time, she stepped back. She prayed, she supported him, and she let him lead. And the result? Peace and connection. For everyone involved. A moment of unity they never could’ve created in their old patterns. "I see how God is using even this to change our family legacy," she shared through tears. Love in Retirement At first, Patty wasn’t sure if she belonged in the program. 1) She was older than many of the other wives in her group. 2) She’d never been in a sexless marriage—but she hadn’t fully enjoyed intimacy in a long time either. But as the program went on, she found something unexpected: Healing, joy, and even desire. She found herself no longer choosing girls' shopping trips over time with Greg. She wants to be with him instead. (Yes, really!) Now, she looks forward to intimacy. And most importantly? She’s renewed her intimacy with God. Because now she sees it clearly: the closeness God wants in marriage is a picture of the closeness God wants with her. Final Thoughts: It’s Never Too Late for a Change of Heart Patty says she was afraid to go into retirement with things as they were. But now? She and Greg are about to take a long-awaited trip to Hawaii. And it’s not just a vacation—it’s a celebration. A celebration of tenderness restored. A celebration of intimacy rediscovered. A celebration of God’s faithfulness to give beauty for ashes—even after 45 years. So if you feel like it's too late, rest assured, it is never too late. No matter how long it’s been— God can still give you a new heart. And He delights to do it. With love, The Delight Your Marriage Team PS - Ready to take the next step in renewing your heart and your marriage? We would love to chat with you. with one of our Clarity Advisors, who have all been through the program and have been where you have been. It's time to take the leap. PPS - Already familiar with our coaching programs and wish you could bring them to your church? You can! We are launching our In-Person Training program in churches around the country in January 2026. For more information, please visit . PPPS - Here is a quote from (another) recent graduate: "I initially came into this program excited for the challenge, ready to work, and looking forward to change. What was quickly uncovered was that I was deeply wounded and deep down hated my husband...I wrestled with my flesh through most of the course, but then hit a breakthrough over the last few weeks...I've learned to see the blessing of God in the midst of deep struggle and trust him fully as I seek to obey him. [And] God has ignited in me a passion over the past 2 weeks to intentionally pursue my husband sexually, thanks to the Song of Solomon. God is changing my husband! He is listening to me more intentionally and with genuine interest, he's chipping in to help without asking or complaining, he is speaking words of gratitude to me, he's being more playful, he seems to be taking the lead more."
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510-Is it Possible to Have Joy in Lovemaking?
11/21/2025
510-Is it Possible to Have Joy in Lovemaking?
Is it Possible to Have Joy in Lovemaking? Physical intimacy can be one of the most painful topics in a woman’s life. Maybe you’ve felt shame for years. Maybe your husband brings it up constantly, and all you want to do is shrink away. Or maybe, deep down, you wonder if something is just wrong with you. If that’s where you are, I want you to know—I've been there. I’ve felt the fear. I’ve felt the pressure. I’ve carried the shame. And I want to walk with you through what I’ve learned on the other side: There is healing. There is hope. And yes, there is joy. The Pain Is Real—But So Is God’s Compassion You may have asked yourself: Why did God make me this way? Why don't I want they way my husband does? Why does sex feel more like pressure than connection? God doesn’t ignore your questions. He weeps with you. Just like Jesus wept for Mary and Martha, knowing full well He was about to raise Lazarus—He still entered into their grief. He enters yours too. And even if this has felt like a battleground, it doesn’t have to stay that way. Healing Begins with Safety—Not Pressure Before you even think about “fixing” your physical intimacy, your heart needs a safe place to land. And for many women, that starts with unlearning the belief that you have to earn love—God’s or anyone else’s. You don’t. God’s love isn’t tied to your performance, your body, your ability to “show up” intimately, or how productive you are in your day. He loves you because He made you. That's it. That's all. Your worth was settled at the cross—not in your bedroom, your to-do list, or your motherhood. When you live from that place of being already loved, you finally have space to breathe and truly begin to heal. Slowing Down Is a Spiritual Discipline One of the most overlooked steps in reclaiming intimacy is rest. Real, soul-deep rest. When your calendar is overstuffed, your stress is high, and your self-worth is tangled in busyness—you don’t have the capacity for joy. You don’t have the margin for laughter or connection. That’s why Sabbath isn’t optional. It’s sacred. God designed you to stop. To remember that you are not the one holding the world together. He is. So yes—cancel some things. Say no. Choose to be “Mary,” sitting at Jesus’ feet, choosing the better thing. Intimacy Flourishes Where Joy Lives When life slows down and you begin to enjoy God, enjoy your family, and even laugh at yourself—you begin to unlock joy in intimacy, too. Yes, that's right! Because fun, play, and freedom matter. Physical intimacy was never meant to be a chore, a duty, or a place of dread. It’s meant to be a gift. Something sacred and fun. And when your heart is in a place of peace, you stop obsessing about perfection and instead, you show up with your whole self—free to connect, to try, to be present, to even laugh when something awkward happens. That’s when intimacy becomes what it was meant to be: a beautiful, joy-filled expression of love. Small Steps Towards Healing Friend, if you’re carrying shame, exhaustion, or resentment around sex—it’s okay to start small. You don’t have to force yourself into healing overnight. Start with this: Make space to be with God, not just do things for Him. Release the belief that you have to earn His love. Say no to busy so you can say yes to rest. Look for moments of laughter and joy—and embrace them. Show up to intimacy with the goal of connection, not perfection. Your healing doesn’t begin in your bedroom. It begins in your soul. And as God gently rewrites your story, intimacy will follow. Final Thoughts: You Are Loved. You Are Enough. God doesn’t want you stuck in shame. He doesn’t want your marriage defined by dread or even silence. He wants you whole. He wants you free. He wants you to enjoy Him—and yes, enjoy your marriage. You don’t have to strive anymore. You are loved because He says you are. You are enough because He made you. And intimacy, like joy, can grow again. One day, you’ll look back and say, “I never thought it could be like this… but God healed me.” I believe that day is coming. You are in our prayers, dear reader and dear listener. God bless you! With love, The Delight Your Marriage Team PS - Ready to take the next step and get more personalized coaching? We would love to speak with you. Schedule a free Clarity Call with one of our compassionate Clarity Advisors, who have been where you've been, and want to help you get in the right place for healing. PPS - Are you already familiar with our work and would love to see it at your local church? Check out for more information on the In-Person Trainings coming in 2026. PPPS - Here is a quote from a recent graduate: "When I came into the DYM program, I was spent emotionally, and it was difficult to carry on with my daily tasks. Even as a devoted Christian, my pain was overshadowing the joy that I have in the Lord because I was so focused on the problems. Immediately, the preparatory work of applying the DYM recipe required some major changes in my behavior. The Lord began to minister to me as I applied myself to the modules, homework, accountability calls and coaching calls. I began to experience hope, not because my circumstances were changing, but because I was allowing the Lord to change me!"
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509-Eternal Marriage Mindset: Living Today for the Streets of Gold
11/14/2025
509-Eternal Marriage Mindset: Living Today for the Streets of Gold
Eternal Marriage Mindset: Living Today for the Streets of Gold We get so caught up in the now—our needs, our feelings, our expectations—that we forget: this isn’t forever. And when it comes to your marriage, your mindset matters more than you know. What if the goal isn’t just earthly happiness… but eternal impact? Let’s shift our gaze from the temporary to the eternal—from trying to fix our spouse to faithfully loving them like Jesus. Because your marriage assignment? It impacts eternity. A Marriage Mindset That Reaches for Heaven If marriage is your god, you’ll do it your way. You’ll chase validation, push for change, demand your rights, and stew in resentment when your spouse doesn’t meet your expectations. But if God is your God, and marriage is your assignment, you’ll do it His way. You'll put your spouse before your ministry, before your work, before the kids. You'll think about loving them the way they receive love. You care about peace, patience, kindness, and self-control in your marriage. You value reconciliation and you stop praying, “God, fix my spouse so I feel better,” and start praying, “God, draw them closer to You.” It’s a radical shift in your marriage mindset. And it changes everything. Eternal Marriage Mindset: Your Assignment Is Bigger Than You Think Think about this: your spouse isn’t just your husband or wife. They’re your brother or sister in Christ. One day, they will stand before Jesus just like you will. What if your daily choices helped them be more ready for that moment? That’s the eternal marriage mindset. It’s not about temporary comfort—it’s about eternal glory. You’re not just trying to survive your marriage. You’re trying to love your spouse all the way to the streets of gold! And, by God’s grace, you’ll be dancing there together one day. You only get one marriage with this person. One chance to love them well. One life to serve them, selflessly. And if that service brings them closer to Jesus? It’s worth every ounce of sacrifice. Streets of Gold and a Big Ol' Mansion Next Door But all joking aside, imagining heaven should stir our hearts. Because eternity is real. And that means what you do in this short vapor of a life matters. If you need help fixing your gaze upward, here’s a powerful recommendation: from the . John is a former pastor, engineer, and researcher who has explored over 1,000 verified near-death experiences—and the common themes are stunning. Even from those with no faith background, many report seeing a being of love, a city of light, a life review… all pointing to the reality of heaven. His ministry, Imagine Heaven, invites us to live today in light of eternity. And wow—is it motivating. When we meditate on the realness of what’s ahead, our marriage takes on deeper purpose. It becomes a divine assignment with eternal weight. It’s Not About Them, It’s About You: Taking Ownership in Your Marriage Here’s the hard truth: You will stand before God alone. You won’t be able to say, “But my husband didn't…” or “But my wife never…” This journey isn’t about controlling your spouse—it’s about surrendering your own heart. If your marriage is struggling, start by asking: Am I doing this God’s way? Am I praying for their character, not just my comfort? Am I serving them with an eternal mindset—or demanding love on my terms? The shift starts in you. Final Thoughts: Marriage Is Temporary. Your Influence Isn’t. Heaven is coming. And when you get there—your mansion sparkling, the streets of gold beneath your feet—will your spouse be dancing beside you? Will your love have drawn them closer to Jesus? Will your sacrifices have sown eternal seeds? Friend, your influence matters. Every word, every action, every reaction has a chance to draw them closer to Jesus. So soften your heart. Adjust your mindset. And do marriage well—not for earthly gain, but for eternal glory. We are rooting for you! Blessings, The Delight Your Marriage Team PS - Want help living this out? We would love to walk alongside you. Start with a and talk with someone who’s been there, seen God work, and is ready to cheer you on. PPS - Have you seen the impact of this work in your life and wish more people knew about it? We are launching our In-Person Training program globally in January 2026. For more information on bringing this program to your church (or small group or work or wherever you meet!), please email office@delightyourmarriage.com. PPPS - Here is a quote from a recent graduate: "The biggest area I have grown is in my relationship with the Lord. I have a deeper walk and appreciate struggles as they point me to Jesus. Our marriage has grown as well. We are deeper in love and we are heading to our finish lines of life, united as a couple."
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508-How Daily Habits Transformed His 36-Year Marriage: Harvey’s Story
11/07/2025
508-How Daily Habits Transformed His 36-Year Marriage: Harvey’s Story
How Daily Habits Transformed His 36-Year Marriage: Harvey’s Story Marriage is holy work. Maybe you're reading this today because you're hoping your marriage will change. Maybe you're reading this because you've prayed, "Lord, please help my marriage," when really you mean "Lord, please help my spouse!" I hope this blog and episode will make you feel both comforted and inspired — that you’ll be reminded your marriage can change, not by grand gestures or perfect communication, but by small, faithful, daily habits of love. This is what Harvey discovered as well. That it wasn't grand gestures or big sweeping shifts that changed his marriage, but small, daily, consistent habits that brought it God's love, peace, and patience into his marriage. Changing Your Priorities: When Hard Work is Leading to Disconnect Harvey and his wife have been married nearly 37 years. Together, they raised four kids and built a life on their dairy farm. For decades, he worked two full-time jobs—teaching high school by day and farming by night. He says, “Every day was between 12 to 16 hours. My wife was incredibly supportive, but I just wasn’t there emotionally.” Maybe you can relate. Life’s responsibilities pile up, and before you know it, years have passed. You’re functioning—but not really connecting. Despite his faith and commitment, Harvey admits that emotional and spiritual intimacy were missing. He wanted closeness, but didn’t know how to get there. A Different Kind of Prayer—and a Different Kind of Growth After retiring from teaching, Harvey finally had space to seek help. He’d been listening to our podcast for years and decided it was time to join Masculinity Reclaimed, our men’s program. The first surprise? It wasn’t about changing his wife! It was about learning to love her the way Christ loves the Church. He started with one habit: daily time with God. Reading Scripture. Praying. Reflecting. And eventually, he began praying with his wife in the mornings—a completely new rhythm in their 36 years together. That quiet time, over coffee and prayer, became a beautiful and cherished time for emotional connection. The Turning Point: Accepting Your Wife as She Is Halfway through the program, Harvey realized that for years, he had been looking at his wife through the lens of what she wasn’t. She wasn't this, she wasn't that... But when he stopped trying to change her and started accepting her for who she is, the woman he fell in love with, the woman she had always been, rather than who he hoped she might someday become–everything began to shift. That acceptance made her feel safe. Seen. Loved. And when a woman feels safe, her heart opens. His wife began to blossom before his very eyes and the connection Harvey had longed for finally began to grow. The Habits That Build a Marriage Here’s the truth: marriage is a system of habits. Paul says, if you’re married, you will have trouble. (1 Corinthians 7:28) You’ll have to think about how to please your spouse. (1 Corinthians 7:34) Are you in the habit of thinking about your spouse? Are you in the habit of considering them and putting them first? Are you in the habit of encouraging, loving, praying, and serving them? It’s not always easy work — but it is good work. Every word, every look, every morning prayer can help build connection. That’s why transformation doesn’t happen overnight. It happens in the daily choices. Final Thoughts Friends, you don't have to wait to start changing your marriage. Harvey shared with us, “I wish I had learned these things earlier in my marriage." We want that for you as well! You don't have to wait to retire or for your kids to be out of the house. You don't have to wait to be a certain age or have been married a certain number of years. You can start investing in your marriage now, today, to say that the next 20, 30, 40, 50, 60 years of marriage were incredible. That is what we want for you. And we know, that no matter where your marriage is at right now, it can change. Just ask Harvey. We are rooting for you and we know that we serve a God who makes all things new– and that includes marriages. God bless you! With love, The Delight Your Marriage Team PS - If you're ready to take the next step and get into a community that knows what it's like and are doing the hard work themselves– we'd love to chat with you. Click here to schedule a free Clarity Call with one of our Clarity Call Advisors and take the next step in healing your marriage. PPS - Are you a fan of this work and wish more people knew about it? We are launching an In-Person Training program this January and we would love to come to your church, workplace, community group, or wherever you gather! For more information, visit our In-Person Training page. PPPS - Here is what another recent grad had to say about our program: "I've become more contented and patient and focused on [my wife's] needs and a better listener I think. She says our home has less tension since I've been doing the program. I take that as a win!"
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507-“Marriage First” Makes Your Life Unstable
10/31/2025
507-“Marriage First” Makes Your Life Unstable
“Marriage First” Makes Your Life Unstable At the end of my life, I want to hear the words, “Well done, good and faithful servant.” That’s the goal that keeps me grounded—and I know many of you share that desire. But here’s a hard truth I’ve learned through years of walking with couples: when our marriage or family becomes our first priority instead of God, everything starts to crumble. Why “Family First” Doesn’t Work I once had a conversation with someone I deeply love who said, “You think God has to be first—but I think family should be first.” His heart was sincere, but the fruit of that mindset showed otherwise. When family is first, everything depends on emotions—how your spouse treats you, how the kids behave, whether things feel peaceful at home. That’s not stability. That’s shifting sand. We see the effects of this all around us. Divorce rates hover around 50%. Even pastors and counselors admit they rarely had a healthy marriage modeled for them. Most people are doing their best, but without a biblical foundation, their “best” can’t hold up when life gets hard. The Biblical Order That Brings Stability Scripture gives us the right order: “Love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your mind, and all your strength. And love your neighbor as yourself.” — Mark 12:30–31 That means I love my first neighbor—my spouse—because I love God. Why do I forgive in marriage? Because God is first.Why do I love my husband well? Because God is first.Why do I serve my family with joy? Because God is first. When we build our lives on that rock, we become steady—even when the storms hit. Illness, loss, special needs, mental health struggles—these things shake every marriage. But when God comes first, everything else finds its right place. Feelings Aren’t God—God’s Word Is We live in a “follow your feelings” culture. If you don’t feel in love anymore, the world says, find someone new. But feelings aren’t truth. God’s Word is. You’re serving the King of Kings, and your marriage is part of that assignment. Like the Roman soldiers in Gladiator fought for the glory of Rome; as believers, we live for the glory of God. That means our choices in marriage—our words, our intimacy, our tone—should all be for His glory. Believers are called to die to ourselves. That includes our moods and even our sexual desires. Scripture is clear: “Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time... then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you.” — 1 Corinthians 7:5 That’s not about coercion or obligation—it’s about love expressed God’s way. When I choose intimacy with my husband, it’s not because I feel like it every time. It’s because I love God. And when I embrace His design with joy, the byproduct is a beautiful, connected marriage. Marriage as a Path to Holiness Author Gary Thomas famously asked, “What if marriage is meant to make us holy, not happy?” The amazing thing is—when we pursue holiness, happiness often follows. That’s why we teach the Delight Your Marriage Framework: Husbands need to have respect, admiration, and wholehearted intimacy. Wives need to feel safe, known, and wholeheartedly cherished. We love our spouse in the way they receive love, not the way we prefer to give it. Because real love is about understanding and serving the other. (You can download the full framework at .) The Power of God’s Word to Transform David Wood—a former atheist and sociopath whose life was radically changed by Scripture. Even after becoming a Christian, he noticed that when he stopped reading the Bible for a few days, dark thoughts would return. That’s how powerful God’s Word is—it changes us from the inside out. If you’re struggling to love your spouse, to forgive, to stay faithful, start here: get your nose in the Word. Not scrolling. Not skimming. Reading. Slowly. With a heart open to hear God. Even one verse a day in a physical Bible can soften your heart. Make it a habit. Let the Word wash over you. Final Thoughts If you have put your marriage above Jesus, it’s not too late to turn it around. He is a safe person to put your trust in. You can trust His Word and His design. It is on purpose, for a purpose… and it is Good. Blessings, The Delight Your Marriage Team PS - If you are interested in taking the next step, putting God first, above your marriage, we would love to talk with you. Schedule a free Clarity Call and chat with one of Clarity Advisors. PPS - Want to see this work in your churches? Our In-Person Training is launching nationwide in January and we would love for your church to be a part of it. Click here to learn more. PPPS - Here is what a recent graduate had to say:“The DYM program has helped me grow as a husband and learn how to better serve my wife and our relationship has been growing in all areas as a result. She just told me this week that she used to feel tension when I came home from work and that tension is gone. Big change which has led to growth for us both. Belah's insights and coaching have been amazing and I've discovered God's purpose for us and our marriage at a new level! Thanks DYM!”
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506-How to Not Have an Affair: Interview with Gary Thomas
10/24/2025
506-How to Not Have an Affair: Interview with Gary Thomas
It doesn’t start with scandal. It often doesn't even start with feelings. It starts with a smile. A moment of connection. A conversation that feels easy—maybe easier than the ones you’ve been having at home. You walk away thinking, That was nothing. But somewhere deep down, you also know—it could become something. If that’s where you find yourself today (or even if you’ve seen the warning signs in someone you love), please take a deep breath. You’re not broken. You didn't marry the wrong person. You haven't done an irredeemable thing with no going back. You’re human. And this conversation is meant to bring you hope, not shame. In my conversation with Gary Thomas today—pastor and bestselling author of Sacred Marriage—he shared that when a group of wives was asked "How many times do you think a married man has had extramarital feelings for someone?", they all responded with zero. When he asked the same question to a group of husbands, they all said somewhere from 4 to 6. What we are saying is that attraction and feelings for someone other than your spouse are not often talked about, but are pretty common- for both husbands and wives. And we believe that bringing this into the light will take some of the shame off of these feelings and also help people not to go down a road they think has no return. Gary Thomas on Attraction and Integrity Gary has been married for over 40 years, and he’s seen a lot—as a pastor, counselor, and husband. He told me, “The reason we make a commitment is because we know there will always be another person who draws us for a moment. Commitment means we already know what to do with it—and what not to do with it.” We don’t often talk about attraction outside of marriage unless it’s already turned into an affair. But Gary’s heart is to normalize awareness before it becomes destruction. In our talk, Gary referenced a romantic comedy movie where a married bus driver begins to become attracted to a girl on a bicycle. Finally, a friend of the bus driver gently confronts him and says: “There will always be a girl on the bicycle.” In other words, there will always be someone who catches your eye. The key isn’t pretending that will never happen—it’s learning how to respond when it does. Gary reminded me that having an attraction isn’t the sin. Entertaining it is. The feelings themselves don’t make you unfaithful—they make you human. But where you let those feelings go next? That’s where faithfulness begins. The Subtle Steps Toward an Affair Gary shared that most affairs don’t start with a dramatic choice—they start with small, quiet ones. Little compromises that feel “innocent.” He shared with a story of a woman who did end up having a physical affair. She recounted that it wasn't just one day to the next, but that there were actually several steps that happened before they were physically intimate. She shares that she could have turned back at any of these step, had she known before. She also shares the grief after it was all done at waking up to "just a dude in her bed"– not the escape or rescue or romance the temptation had promised. Here are the steps she shared and the pattern Gary’s seen over and over again: You share marriage frustrations with someone of the opposite sex. You sense a spark—and feel seen or understood. You start caring how you look around them. You think about them when they’re not around. That’s the prelude. It doesn’t feel dangerous yet, but it’s where hearts begin to shift. Gary said, “If you can recognize it early, you can stop it before it ever grows.” From there, people will often begin to have an emotional affair: 5. You fantasize about being together. 6. Manipulating circumstances to spend more time together. 7. You start playful banter or flirtation. 8. Friends notice—and ask what’s going on. This is a wake-up call. Gary said, “If people around you see it, something’s already happening.” They’re seeing what your heart is trying not to admit. Then, comes the actual physical affair: 9. Meeting together in secrecy. 10. Texting or calling in ways you hide from your spouse. 11. Physical intimacy. This is the final step—but it’s never the first. We don't share this to shame. Maybe you've already partaken in some of these steps. We share because it is not too late to turn back. Gary said, “If you know the steps, you can stop at any one of them." When You Have Extramarital Feelings, Here's What to Do If you do end up experiencing feelings or attraction for someone other than your spouse—don’t panic. Don’t spiral into guilt. Instead, bring it into the light. Tell a trusted, godly friend of your same sex. Talk to your spouse if it’s wise to do so. And most importantly—talk to Jesus. Ask Him to help you see the truth: that this isn’t love, it’s a lure. Temptation often feels like relief at first—but always ends in ruin. Then, put up strong, unapologetic guardrails: Stop all unnecessary contact with that person. Don’t text, call, or “just check in.” If you work together, keep everything professional and public. And don’t justify emotional intimacy as “just friendship.” And when your spouse asks you to stop interacting with that person, don't respond with pride. See that they are feeling threatened and care for them deeply in that. As Gary said, “You can’t make your wife (or husband) feel cherished if you’re protecting a relationship that threatens them.” What Makes Us Vulnerable to Affairs Gary also reminded me that temptation doesn’t appear out of nowhere—it finds cracks that already exist. Stress. Loneliness. Unmet needs. Disappointment. He said, “There was a time early in my marriage when everything felt like failure—our baby cried constantly, money was tight, and I felt like I couldn’t get anything right. So when someone made me feel ‘perfect,’ it was intoxicating.” Can’t we all relate to that in some way? When life feels heavy, a moment of admiration feels like oxygen. But the healing you're seeking isn’t found in a new connection—it’s found in deeper connection at home and with the Lord. But that’s why we must run to the right source for validation. Your worth isn’t in who smiles at you—it’s in the God who delights in you.That's right. Not a perfect wife who is doing the perfect things, or a perfect husband who is saying the perfect words. But the Lord who is constant. Guarding Your Heart and Protecting Your Marriage Let Gary’s wisdom anchor you: “Be as faithful to your spouse as God is faithful to you. Be as committed to your marriage as Christ is committed to His Church.” That kind of faithfulness isn’t built on fear—it’s built on love. When you keep Jesus at the center, attraction loses its power and intimacy becomes holy again. So today, ask yourself: What boundaries do I need to strengthen? Where have I let my guard down? And how can I draw closer—to Jesus and to my spouse—starting now? Again, we don't share this to frighten or shame. We are sharing to let you know that if you've had feelings for someone other than your spouse- you are not alone. You are not dirty, you are not broken. It doesn't mean you married the wrong person and it doesn't mean this new person is your soulmate. It means there was attraction and you are human. That is it. We love you and we are rooting for you! Blessings, The Delight Your Marriage Team PS - Want to bring our material to your churches? Check out to learn more about our In-Person Trainings and our January pilot programs! PPS - Ready to take the next step for yourself? Schedule a free Clarity Call with one of our Advisors at PPPS - Here's what one of our recent graduates had to say about our program: "My wife and I were roommates at best. I felt that she only wanted me around for a paycheck and to take care of the house. When we had sex it was duty sex where she wasn't present and there was no connection. I hated myself but I was wanting to cheat on her just to feel wanted and desired...[Now,] I have learned about how I was causing problems and putting way too much pressure on my wife...if I am not cheering her on, who is? The truth was no one was, no wonder she was depressed, withdrawn, and suicidal. I would be too. I now take pride in knowing that God entrusted her to me to lift her up, cheer her on, show her how good she is, encourage her, listen to her, and cherish her so she can grow...[Recently,] she told our daughters to move because she wanted to sit by me during movie night. She has taken steps towards intimacy with me on her own without me pressuring her." #marriagepodcast #marriedlife #marriageadvice
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505-How a Family Life Educator Took Her Marriage from Good to Great: Jen's Story
10/17/2025
505-How a Family Life Educator Took Her Marriage from Good to Great: Jen's Story
How a Family Life Educator Took Her Marriage from Good to Great: Jen's Story Sometimes, the couples who join our programs aren’t on the brink of divorce. They aren’t fighting all the time. They actually have a good marriage. But deep down, they know it could be better. That’s exactly where Jen was when she found Delight Your Marriage. “We Had a Good Marriage… But I Knew It Could Be More” Jen and her husband had been married nearly 15 years. They had three young kids, a busy life, and no major marital crisis. As she put it, “We were not in conflict with each other. We didn’t have any major issues that we were dealing with from our past. You know, no unfaithfulness, nothing like that.” Still, something inside her longed for more. She said to us, “I think the thing that drove me into it was knowing that our marriage was good, but understanding or having this feeling that it could be better.” She remembered a pastor that had mentioned Delight Your Marriage to her and from there, took the leap of faith to schedule a Clarity Call. And what she discovered surprised her. Through honest reflection and intentional questions, she realized that while her marriage looked peaceful from the outside, her heart was carrying something deeper: resentment. She had no idea that this resentment had snuck into her heart, but once she saw it, she was set on rooting it out. When Self-Pity Sneaks Into a Good Marriage Not only did Jen identify resentment in her heart, but she discovered she had also been carrying self-pity. In listening to an episode of the podcast on self-pity before joining the program, she realized the topic was actually hitting her heart. [For those interested: ] In that moment, God started something new. Through the program, Jen learned to let go of resentment and embrace gratitude. She began to see her husband not as someone who wasn’t “doing enough,” but as a man faithfully serving and providing for their family. That simple—but powerful—shift changed everything. The Power of Peace in a Great Marriage As Jen walked through the program, she noticed a transformation in herself. Through the "heart" work, she found that her soul was also being renewed and that God was was reworking things her heart she didn't even know where there. And the result of that heart change? Peace. With Jen getting rid of the resentment, putting aside the self-pity, and bringing in appreciation, compliments, and admiration- it changed the atmosphere of their homes. Jen’s husband even came home one evening during his busiest season, wrapped her in a hug, and said, “Thank you. I’ve noticed how much more peaceful our home has been.” She hadn’t been trying to get him to notice—but he did. What she considered a small change was actually impactful. “It was a change enough that he felt it too” How God Turns a Good Marriage Into a Great One When we allow God to transform us, our marriage begins to shift. Jen said, “Our connection as a result of, I think just the peacefulness in the home and between us and our gratefulness for each other has brought us closer together in intimacy…” Yes, even their physical intimacy changed! Before the program, intimacy was about once a week. Now? “Two or three times,” she said, smiling. And not only has the frequency been upped, but they are enjoying each other more (a major win!) And it wasn’t a formula or manipulation—it was the result of a softened heart. A Christ-Centered Model for Marriage Transformation As a former family life educator in her church, Jen had led marriage classes before. So she was skeptical—could DYM really offer something new? After completing the program, she said, “I haven’t encountered anything as beneficial, and that actually works as well, as what DYM does. And I think a huge part of that is because of, well, the commitment to Scripture and actually putting it into practice.” Jen’s favorite part? The women’s small group. “A place that’s safe, encouraging, and honest,” she said. “We prayed for each other, celebrated each other’s wins, and shared struggles without fear of judgment. I’ve never experienced community like that.” There’s Always More God Wants to Do in Your Marriage When asked what she’d tell another wife who has a good marriage but knows there’s more, Jen didn’t hesitate: “I think I would just say...wherever you are in your marriage, if you think there’s room for growth, then there’s probably room for growth. So go after it, go after it, go after it...I would, for sure say, do it with DYM, because I think it’s... I think it’s a powerful, powerful program.” Jen’s words remind us that “good” isn’t the goal. God desires great marriages—ones marked by peace, gratitude, and deep connection. Wherever your marriage is at: whether you're separated and not speaking or in a good place but wanting just a little more, we know that God is still working and He can change things for good. With love, The Delight Your Marriage Team PS - Ready to take the leap of faith and make that Clarity Call? Don't hesitate! Schedule a free call with one of our Clarity Call advisors at delightym.com/cc or +1 332-239-2379 PPS - Interested in having this program at your church? Check out delightyourmarriage.com/ipt for more information on joining our Pilot Program! PPPS - Here's is what (another) recent graduate has to say about our program: "Coming in, I knew my wife felt that I was unsafe for her, and that she felt alone and unknown by me. On my end, I felt deeply regretful of marrying her, angry with her, and hopeless to ever have a joyful marriage... [Now] I've seen progress in almost every area. I have grown in my own perspective on my wife. This has stunned me, and given me more hope than I've ever felt...I sincerely have a delight toward her that I've not felt in over a decade."
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504-When Your Words Actually Bring Life (And How to Avoid Death): Interview With Ann & Dave Wilson
10/10/2025
504-When Your Words Actually Bring Life (And How to Avoid Death): Interview With Ann & Dave Wilson
When Your Words Actually Bring Life (And How to Avoid Death): Interview With Ann & Dave Wilson Do you remember when you first fell in love—how easy it was to cheer him on? You’d light up at his stories. You’d say, “You’re amazing!” and mean it. You noticed everything good. But somewhere along the way, the cheers turned into corrections. The same man who once felt like your hero now feels like your project. And instead of applause, he mostly hears... boo. That’s what Ann Wilson discovered the day her husband, Dave, vulnerably told a room full of women that marriage sometimes felt that way to him—like he’d walked off the football field to a stadium full of boos. Ann was stunned. She thought she was helping him. But in that moment, she realized how her words had chipped away at his confidence and joy. I was so honored to talk with Dave and Ann Wilson—pastors, marriage speakers, authors of Vertical Marriage, and co-hosts of FamilyLife Today. For more than 30 years, they’ve led thousands of couples toward hope, healing, and connection. But their story didn’t start with success. The Power of Words in Scripture Scripture is clear: “The tongue has the power of life and death.” — Proverbs 18:21 Your words can resurrect a weary heart—or crush it. They can draw your husband home or make him quietly retreat. And as Dave and Ann share, the transformation didn’t start with more compliments or clever communication—it started with repentance. A Night of Repentance and New Beginning in Marriage Ten years into marriage, they were on the verge of losing everything. Dave was busy building ministry– starting a new church at home and a chaplain for the Detroit Lions, often times away traveling with the team. Meanwhile, Ann was at home with two little boys, beginning to feel lonely, angry, and done. One night, sitting in a parked car late at night on their 10 year anniversary, she finally said, “I’ve lost all my feelings for you.” Dave was stunned. He thought they were great. Ann had never shared otherwise. How could she say he was disregarding her? How could she say she felt alone and he was always away? As he reached for his planner to defend himself, the the gentle and firm voice of the Holy Spirit whispered: “Repent.” He dropped his arguments and dropped to his knees—right there in the front seat of their Honda Accord. He realized he had put himself first instead of Jesus. In that sacred moment, Ann felt conviction too. God showed her that she’d made her husband and marriage an idol and she had been wanting Dave to fill every need, when that was never the role God was supposed to have. She got on her knees as well, surrendering her expectations back to the Lord. That night became the beginning of something new—a vertical marriage, grounded in repentance and intimacy with Jesus first. When You Stop Cheering on Your Spouse Years later, when Ann shared her “booing” moment at church, she used a visual: a plant. She explained that when you're dating, you pick a healthy, vibrant plant—your husband. But after a few years, you start noticing brown leaves. you take out the clippers, thinking it’s your job to prune him. Before long, you've hacked away so much that there’s barely a stump left. After this sermon, Ann saw a couple that in the auditorium that stayed long after everyone had left. She approached them and saw an older man, head in his hands, tears dropping heavy on the ground, his wife sitting next to him bewildered. When asked what was wrong, he simply pointed at the stump and said, "That's me." It’s not that we don’t love our husbands. We do. But we’ve forgotten that change is God’s job—not ours. Our job is to water with words that bring life. How to Speak Life (When You Want to Yell) Ann admits she used to “speak her mind” freely—then justify it as honesty. But over time, God taught her a new rhythm of restraint and prayer, asking “Lord, should I say this? If yes, when should I say it? And how should I say it?” Not in an anxious way, but surrendered and thoughtful, knowing how much her words matter. Just that short prayer created space for the Holy Spirit to guide her words. One night, when Dave mentioned getting criticism on his sermons, her first instinct was to correct him (“Maybe if you studied more…”). But instead, she prayed that quick prayer—and said, “I can’t imagine the weight you carry, with thousands relying on your walk with God.” Dave turned around, pulled her close and whispered, “You are my life.” Her empathy, not critique, drew him near. Words That Heal Ann now also prays daily, “God, show me the greatness in my husband.” That prayer changes everything—because God always sees the greatness He planted there, even when we can’t. Romans 12:2 says, “Be transformed by the renewing of your mind.” When we ask God to renew how we think about our spouse, our words follow. And when our words change, the whole atmosphere of the home begins to heal. “Gracious words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.” — Proverbs 16:24 Speaking Life Doesn’t Mean Losing Your Voice This isn’t about silencing yourself or ignoring real problems, but when encouragement becomes your default, your occasional hard truth carries more weight. Your words no longer sound like attack—they sound like love. And as Dave says, “When you praise your man, he becomes better. Critique doesn’t motivate—it deflates. But genuine admiration calls out his God-given potential.” Repentance Starts Revival If you’ve been critical, impatient, or weary—we get it. And it’s okay. The path back is repentance. It’s not a shame-filled, heavy thing. It’s the most freeing thing you can do. Start there. Let God soften your heart again. Ask Him to show you the greatness in your spouse. Then, begin to speak it out—one small sentence at a time. You can do this. Blessings, The Delight Your Marriage Team PS - If you're ready for the next step in healing your marriage, even if you're the only one doing the work, we're ready to talk with you. Schedule a free Clarity Call at or call PPS - Here is a quote from a recent graduate: "I am in control of my mood by controlling my own behavior instead of letting it get set for me by my husband's behavior and what I expect of him. I have released expectations of my husband. I see him as God's son now, which means he is NOT my responsibility to fix, direct, correct, discipline, etc. and instead I love, support, encourage and pray for him. I am less controlling of my husband and I am more content with life in general."
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503-How a Farmer Learned to Lead & Love in His Marriage
10/04/2025
503-How a Farmer Learned to Lead & Love in His Marriage
How a Farmer Learned to Lead & Love in His Marriage On the outside, Jake looked like a happy-go-lucky farmer. But inside, his marriage was falling apart. Control, years of infertility struggles, alcohol abuse, and pornography created a wall between him and his wife. Even counseling couldn’t break through the scar tissue of pain she carried. At one point, she said her willingness to work on the marriage was zero—she was ready to leave. Jake was out of options. Yet, in God’s kindness, what seemed like the worst day became the turning point. His confession of addiction cracked open the first door to healing. What a Farmer Learned About Love in Marriage As a man who worked with horses and cattle his whole life, Jake knew how to communicate safety and calm with animals. Yet God showed him—through the story of David, Bathsheba, and Nathan's rebuke—that he wasn’t doing the same for his wife. The Lord sent Nathan to David. When he came to him, he said, “There were two men in a certain town, one rich and the other poor. 2 The rich man had a very large number of sheep and cattle, 3 but the poor man had nothing except one little ewe lamb he had bought. He raised it, and it grew up with him and his children. It shared his food, drank from his cup and even slept in his arms. It was like a daughter to him. 4 “Now a traveler came to the rich man, but the rich man refrained from taking one of his own sheep or cattle to prepare a meal for the traveler who had come to him. Instead, he took the ewe lamb that belonged to the poor man and prepared it for the one who had come to him.” 5 David burned with anger against the man and said to Nathan, “As surely as the Lord lives, the man who did this must die! 6 He must pay for that lamb four times over, because he did such a thing and had no pity.” 7 Then Nathan said to David, “You are the man! This is what the Lord, the God of Israel, says: ‘I anointed you king over Israel, and I delivered you from the hand of Saul. 8 I gave your master’s house to you, and your master’s wives into your arms. I gave you all Israel and Judah. And if all this had been too little, I would have given you even more. 9 Why did you despise the word of the Lord by doing what is evil in his eyes? You struck down Uriah the Hittite with the sword and took his wife to be your own. You killed him with the sword of the Ammonites. 10 Now, therefore, the sword will never depart from your house, because you despised me and took the wife of Uriah the Hittite to be your own.’ - 2 Samuel 12:1-10 The revelation was life-changing: God entrusted him with His daughter. Loving her meant creating safety, trust, and gentleness. Jake realized that real leadership wasn’t control—it was love. Learned to Lead by First Laying Down Pride When Jake finally joined the program, he discovered what he had been missing for years: a biblically based roadmap for marriage. The forgiveness modules were the breakthrough. He had carried anger for so long that it felt like part of his identity. But through forgiveness, Jake experienced freedom he had never known. Old wounds didn’t need apologies to be healed—he released them to God. His wife noticed almost immediately. For the first time in years, she felt safe with him. From Walls to Sanctuary: A Marriage Transformed The changes weren’t just in Jake. His home transformed. He stopped reacting in anger—even when a box fell on his head in the garage. His kids froze, waiting for the outburst that never came. That moment opened his eyes to the unsafe environment his rage had created—and the freedom God was now building in its place. His home shifted from a place of survival to a sanctuary of love. He began looking forward to coming home, slipping away with his wife for time together, and seeing joy reflected in his children. Leading with Love in Everyday Life Jake learned to lead as a husband and father, not by demanding respect but by modeling Christlike love. When walking in after a long day, he chose to bring joy instead of frustration. When tension rose, he chose reassurance over arguments. When intimacy came, it was no longer duty—it was connection, passion, and contentment. Jake also says he has never felt so sexually satisfied, not because of more encounters, but because of the depth of love in his marriage. A Legacy of Leadership The transformation didn’t stop with Jake and his wife. His children are being raised in a different household than they were 12 weeks earlier. His daughters now see how a husband should love his wife. His son now has a model of godly leadership to follow. Generations are being changed because one farmer decided to learn how to lead with love in his marriage. Final Thoughts Marriage was never meant to be endured—it was designed to be a sanctuary of love, trust, and joy. Jake’s story shows that no matter how high the walls are, God can dismantle them brick by brick. True leadership in marriage doesn’t come from control but from gentleness, safety, and sacrificial love. And the care that you give in other areas of your life is worth investing your family as well. For any husband who feels stuck, hopeless, or unsure of how to change, remember: you can learn to lead. And when you lead with love, everything changes—your marriage, your family, and your legacy. Blessings, The Delight Your Marriage Team PS - Ready for the next step? Our team of Clarity Advisors are ready to talk with you. Call +1 332-239-2379 or visit to take the next step of faith in healing your marriage. PPS - Here is what (another) recent grad has to say: I was blindsided and stuck in my own self righteousness. He has wronged me in many ways in the past too but the course allowed me to see my own behaviour too, and I have forgiven him for the past and I feel we can really start afresh, looking at him with new eyes again. I am very hopeful for the future and I enjoy the weekends spending time with my family. Even if we may go through bad patches in the future we now have a framework to use. Nobody told us any of this before.
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