295 Taking Control Of Your Emotions: Lessons from Ex-Footballer and Anxiety Coach Matt Young
Release Date: 10/17/2025
312 Dr John Perry: How Sport Coaches Influence Mental Toughness
Demystifying Mental Toughness
To end a recent series on the coach-athlete relationship, in this bonus episode of the Demystifying Mental Toughness Podcast, David Charlton is joined by Dr John Perry, Head of Department of PE and Sports Sciences at the University of Limerick, researcher, former coach and performance analyst, to explore how coaches can better support athletes through the lens of mental toughness. The conversation explores why coaches have such a powerful influence on athletes’ habits and environments, how agency and behavioural standards can strengthen control, and why confidence should come from within...
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311 Learning Orientation: When Coaches and Athletes Think Differently
Demystifying Mental Toughness
In this episode David concludes the eight-part series exploring the coach–athlete relationship by focusing on a powerful concept within the Challenge pillar of the 4Cs model of Mental Toughness, learning orientation. Learning orientation reflects how willing athletes and coaches are to reflect on mistakes, setbacks and difficult experiences in order to improve. Without this mindset, progress in sport can stall and with it, challenges become powerful opportunities for development. David explores a common dynamic where a coach has a high learning orientation but the athlete struggles...
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310 Risk Orientation: When Coaches and Athletes Think Differently
Demystifying Mental Toughness
Description Today, David Charlton explores another dynamic within the coach–athlete relationship: differences in risk orientation (a sub-measure of Mental Toughness). He discusses a common scenario in sport, a coach who prefers structure, routine and predictability working alongside an athlete who thrives on experimentation, creativity and challenge. While structured environments can provide stability and clarity, athletes high in risk orientation often crave variety, stimulation and opportunities to explore different solutions. When these two approaches collide, tension...
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309 Interpersonal Confidence: When Coaches and Athletes Think Differently
Demystifying Mental Toughness
In this episode of the Demystifying Mental Toughness Podcast, David Charlton explores an often overlooked aspect of confidence in sport, interpersonal confidence. He discussed a common dynamic seen in sporting environments: a coach with very high interpersonal confidence working alongside an athlete who struggles to speak up. Highly confident coaches often communicate clearly and persuasively. They lead conversations, provide direction and bring strong conviction to their coaching. Yet when this confidence dominates the interaction, quieter athletes can become increasingly passive,...
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308 Confidence In Ability: When Coaches and Athletes Think Differently
Demystifying Mental Toughness
Today, David Charlton explores a powerful but often misunderstood dynamic in sport: the highly confident coach working with an athlete who lacks confidence in their ability. At first glance, this combination might appear positive. A confident leader should inspire belief and clarity. However, when the balance isn't right, the relationship can unintentionally increase anxiety, self‑doubt and disengagement for the athlete. Drawing on Albert Bandura’s concept of self‑efficacy and Sophia Jowett’s 3+1 Cs coach–athlete relationship model (closeness, commitment, complementarity and...
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307 Achievement Orientation: When Coaches and Athletes Think Differently
Demystifying Mental Toughness
In part 4 of this mini-series, David Charlton explores a challenging but common sport dynamic: the high achievement-oriented athlete working with a low achievement-oriented coach. The athlete is organised, early, diligent, and constantly looking for ways to improvetechnical work, gym work, extras, metrics, and a “leave no stone unturned” mindset. But the coach may appear distracted, rushed, inconsistent, late, or disorganised and may find structured goal-setting and CPD stressful. When those worlds don’t align, athletes can feel unsupported, unwanted, and even inadequate,...
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306 Goal Orientation: When Coaches and Athletes Think Differently
Demystifying Mental Toughness
In this episode (part 3) of Demystifying Mental Toughness, David Charlton continues his solo series exploring the 4Cs of Mental Toughness through the coach–athlete relationship lens. The focus this week is Commitment, specifically Goal Orientation, and a common challenge in sport: the mismatch between a highly goal-oriented coach and an athlete who feels overwhelmed, anxious or uncomfortable when targets are discussed. While goal-driven coaches bring structure, clarity and high standards, some athletes experience goals as pressure rather than motivation. Fear of judgement, developing...
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305 Emotional Control: When Coaches and Athletes Think Differently
Demystifying Mental Toughness
In this episode of Demystifying Mental Toughness, David Charlton continues in part two of his solo series exploring the 4Cs of Mental Toughness through the coach–athlete relationship lens. The focus this week is Emotional Control and a common but misunderstood dynamic in sport: the emotionally reactive coach and the calm, composed athlete. While passion and intensity are often seen as leadership qualities, strong emotional reactions, sarcasm or outcome-focused language can unintentionally create a fear-based environment. When athletes feel judged or humiliated, the brain’s threat...
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304 Life Control: When Coaches and Athletes Think Differently
Demystifying Mental Toughness
In this episode of Demystifying Mental Toughness, David begins a new eight-part solo series exploring how mental toughness shapes the coach–athlete relationship in sport. Today’s focus is Life Control — a part of mental toughness that influences whether people feel able to shape what happens to them, or whether life simply “happens” to them. David explores one of the most common and frustrating mismatches in sport: the high life-control coach and the low life-control athlete. High-life control coaches are driven, organised and solution-focused. They believe effort changes...
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303 Why You Think the Way You Do Under Pressure
Demystifying Mental Toughness
In part 2, David Charlton is again joined by Doug Strycharczyk from AQR International to explore how mental toughness shapes the way we make decisions especially when information is incomplete and pressure is high. Doug explains that confidence is not just about believing in your skills, but also about having the interpersonal confidence to work with others, challenge ideas, and avoid the trap of groupthink. In teams and organisations, those with higher interpersonal confidence are more likely to think divergently, question assumptions, and protect ethical decision-making rather than simply...
info_outlineIn this episode of Demystifying Mental Toughness, David Charlton speaks with Matt Young, an anxiety and fear coach and former professional footballer, about how emotional control can help athletes and coaches achieve lasting freedom and confidence, on and off the pitch.
Matt shares how his playing career at Southampton and other clubs exposed deep insecurities and a constant need to control outcomes including; selection, performance, and judgment from others. That same drive for control, he explains, often leads athletes into anxiety, superstition, and burnout. True freedom, he argues, comes from looking at emotional control differently, not trying to control everything around you.
The conversation explores how many athletes mask vulnerability, hide behind their sporting identity, and only seek help when things “break down.” Matt advocates for a proactive approach, helping clubs and athletes emotionally prepare in the same way they prepare physically and tactically.
He also shares what sets top performers apart; urgency, emotional awareness, and consistency in pursuing growth rather than waiting for crises to act.
If you’re an athlete, coach, or parent, this episode offers powerful insights on emotional mastery, identity, and resilience, key ingredients for sustained performance and wellbeing.
>> Key Takeaways
1. Emotional Control Beats External Control - True confidence doesn’t come from trying to control every situation, opponent, or outcome. It comes from mastering your internal state, your emotions, thoughts, and reactions so that you can stay composed and perform freely, no matter what’s happening around you.
2. Masks and Identities Can Limit Growth - Many athletes hide behind their sporting identity or project confidence to cover insecurities. Over time, this emotional masking can lead to anxiety, burnout, and confusion about who they are beyond sport. Building emotional awareness helps athletes reconnect with who they are, not just what they do.
3. Be Proactive, Not Reactive with Mental Skills - Too many athletes wait until they’re struggling before seeking help. Matt encourages a proactive approach developing emotional resilience and mental fitness before challenges hit. Just like a physical MOT, regular emotional check-ins can prevent breakdowns and keep performance consistent.
This episode is packed with insights for athletes, coaches, and parents of young athletes about the importance of emotional control and emotional mastery for better more consistent performances and enhanced well-being.
For more on this topic, check out these resources:
Blog - Confidence Under Pressure: The 3-Second Reset Technique
Blog: - Control Your Thoughts on the Golf Course
Ep167 Karl Morris – How To Manage Your Emotions To Improve Your Golf #BITESIZE
Ep280 Colm O’Donoghue - How To Help A Golfer Who Struggles Playing Strokeplay
Conversations With Kids - How to Help Kids Stay Calm Under Pressure
Conversations With Kids - Helping Young Athletes Thrive Under Pressure
Connect with Matt Young
· Website
Connect with David Charlton
· Join David @ The Sports Psychology Hub