339: Disagreeable people blame trauma for their circumstances.
Release Date: 09/05/2024
361: Lingering Loyalties, Distant Intimacies
Beat Your Genes Podcast
Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD discusses listener questions with co-host, Nathan Gershfeld. 0:00 Teaser Clips & Intro 04:25. Q1: Divorced dad entangled with ex 12:28 Genetic commitment calculations 27:14 Q2: Stuck with a closed-off boyfriend 33:53 Hugging an un-huggable friend 42:09 Final thoughts Q1: Any advice for a divorced dad who is still entangled with his ex wife? We have been divorced over five years now, but are still friends and live near one another. I initiated the divorce for a few reasons, mainly her emotional instability and our lack of intimacy....
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360: Affairs, Flares, and Fantasy Matches
Beat Your Genes Podcast
Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD discusses listener questions with co-host, Nathan Gershfeld. 0:00 Teaser Clips & Intro 02:41 Q1: How common are affairs? Is this typical human behavior? 34:12 Q2: Am I broken or just in the wrong pair bond? 57:40 Tenacious Delusions in Psychology 1:15:35 Final thoughts Q1: Can Dr. Lisle talk about the frequency of affairs, particularly in modern western civilization? I was a little surprised to read about the prevalence of affairs, particularly in men in “happy marriages,” described in The Mating Mind. I have been happily...
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359: When They Stop Caring: Hygiene, Hope & His Libido
Beat Your Genes Podcast
Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD discusses listener questions with co-host, Nathan Gershfeld. 0:00 Teaser Clips & Intro 04:31 Q1: My daughter doesn’t care about her appearance – could it be more than just preference? 14:32 Q2: Our 42 year old dependent daughter said she’ll kill herself after we die 32:35 Communication & Negotiation 39:06 Q3: My pot-smoking husband’s libido has decreased – but is it me? 53:15 Final thoughts Q1: Is neglecting personal hygiene and physical appearance really a sign of depression, or is it just personality? My 37...
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358: Pretty Girls, Cold Feet, and Estrogen Dreams
Beat Your Genes Podcast
Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD discusses listener questions with co-host, Nathan Gershfeld. 0:00 Teaser Clips & Intro 01:35 Q1: I’m pretty but my ugly competitors are getting plastic surgery! 19:05 Q2: My big, expensive wedding is coming up… but I don’t want to get married anymore 27:59 Q3: Can I increase my estrogen to get more beautiful? 44:28 Final thoughts Q1: You say that a woman’s physical appearance is the most important aspect of her attractiveness when attracting a mate, but we now live in a time when natural beauty has no value...
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357: Loving the Irrational, Living with the Stuck, Losing the One
Beat Your Genes Podcast
Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD discusses listener questions with co-host, Nathan Gershfeld. 0:00 Teaser Clips & Intro 01:39 Q1: I’ve alerted my wife that she has distortions, but she still has them! 18:53 Irrational emotions vs distortions 29:48 Q2: Why would someone complain about their job but do nothing differently? 47:51 Q3: How can I get over the loss of my husband? 57:33 Final thoughts Q1: Dear Dr Lisle, pop psychology advises men to validate their wives emotions but how do I validate something that is objectively invalid. I have taken your advice and...
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356: You Want Them to Change—But Will They? Suicide, Marijuana, and Sobriety
Beat Your Genes Podcast
Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD discusses listener questions with co-host, Nathan Gershfeld. 0:00 Teaser Clips 0:32 Q1 Nephew is suicidal, but he called to tell me 09:19 The psychology of suicide 30:08 Follow up question from E355 37:20 Q2 My husband is addicted to marijuana – can he change? 53:07 Q3: I’m one month sober – can it last? 1:14:19 Conclusion Q1: What do you do when a family member calls you and tells you that they are suicidal? Last night I received a phone call from my 35 year old nephew telling me he was suicidal. Growing up he was my...
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E355: I Married Him to Have Kids... Now He Doesn’t Want Them!
Beat Your Genes Podcast
Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD discusses listener questions with co-host, Nathan Gershfeld. 0:00 Teaser Clips 0:22 Q1 Husband just decided he no longer wants kids 18:08 What could have gone wrong? 27:01 Cinderella Effect 32:06 Q2 I’m pregnant and need emotional support, but my husband is focused on his business 44:10 Conclusion Q1: I’m a 39 year old woman and my husband has just decided that he no longer wants to have kids. We talked extensively about this before getting married, I explained to him how important this was to me and he agreed that he wants...
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354: Can't Lower Your Standards? That’s Not a Flaw – It’s Your Biology.
Beat Your Genes Podcast
Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD discusses listener questions with co-host, Nathan Gershfeld. Q1: How does one know if or when it is time to settle in dating? I’m 45 years old and have only dated men who I would consider a friend, and have never met anyone who excites me like a romantic partner would. Therefore, I let these men go, kept looking for the next best thing and never found it. Is there a point in life where we should just realize that this partner is the best we are ever going to get even though they are different than what we imagined? Is there a point where we...
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353: Wife hired an escort while I was working, Going to grad school to find a rich husband, Strategies for getting revenge
Beat Your Genes Podcast
Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD discusses listener questions with co-host, Nathan Gershfeld. 0:00 Teaser Clips & Intro 0:51 My wife hired an escort but says it wasn’t technically cheating! 19:01 I’m going to grad school to find a rich husband, but I’m not that into it 40:38 Scratching the psychological itch to get revenge Question 1: Dear Dr. Lisle, I’m a 38 year old male and I work very long hours in finance. My wife, who is 27, and I have been going through a sort of dead bedroom situation for the past few months because I have been working 16-18 hours a...
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352: My son is demoralized! I married for money 25 years ago, now what? I love my partner, but I want some comparison
Beat Your Genes Podcast
Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD discusses listener questions with co-host, Nathan Gershfeld. 0:00 Teaser Clips & Intro 1:09 My son doesn’t work, spends all day in his room, and lacks interest or motivation 17:08 What causes motivation? 21:40 I married a man I don’t love 25 years ago 42:24 Very happy with my partner of 12 years, but want to experience someone else as a comparison Question 1: I have a very difficult adult child. My 23yo easily got a college degree at 21yo in computer science with excellent grades. Despite the warnings and encouragement,...
info_outlineEvolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD discusses listener questions with host, Nathan Gershfeld.
Question 1:
I had a very traumatic childhood, but I don't blame my experiences with my violent alcoholic mother for any of my stupid adult decisions. I did those all on my own -- with some help from my parents' genes, of course. What Dr. Lisle teaches on this topic makes sense to me. I have a friend who, by any measure, had a much less traumatic childhood. In fact, I don't think it is fair to say that her childhood was traumatic at all. There weren't any drugs or alcohol in her childhood home, and, according to her, she didn't experience any physical, verbal or sexual abuse. Her physical needs were all taken care of and, at the time, she says she felt very loved by both her parents. She is no longer close to them. Looking back over her life at the age of 60, she now believes that her emotional needs weren't properly addressed when she was a child. Consequently, she has recently concluded that her problems stem from an attachment disorder caused by her parents. For the first time, she is calling what she experienced "trauma." She is convinced that her parents' lack of attentiveness to her emotional needs qualifies as trauma and are at fault for much of her current depression and rage, as well as for her struggle with weight. My friend is quite disagreeable, whereas I am quite agreeable. Even among people who truly had a traumatic childhood, I have noticed a pattern: Disagreeable people are more likely to want to blame someone for their shortcomings and for their life's decisions, whereas agreeable people don't tend to blame anyone. In this way, it seems that agreeable people may be more readily able to grasp the lessons that Evolutionary Psychology has to offer -- at least in the arena of this important topic of trauma and its role in our lives. What do you think?
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