Beat Your Genes Podcast

Let's look at life through the lens of our ancestors. Our instincts were shaped by their struggles in an environment much different than our current environment. Our instincts haven't changed much but our environment has changed dramatically. We blend the science of evolutionary psychology with the clinical experience of Doug Lisle, PhD to explore common problems and stumbling points in our pursuit of happiness. New episodes come out Wednesdays at 8:30 PST. If you have a question or comment, or maybe even a complicated situation that you'd like some advice on, feel free to call us and leave a voicemail at (714) 900-2601 or send in a question through www.BeatYourGenes.org

351: What is Transference and Counter-transference in a Psycho-therapeutic relationshiop? Is this Freudian concept out-dated? 02/05/2025

E350: Are women delusional,humble, or just right about how hot they are? What is “the Magic 10%”? Listener wants to know why she fantasizes about women while with boyfriend, Listener is puzzled by choices of family member with aggressive cancer Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD discusses listener questions with host, Nathan Gershfeld. In today's show, we discuss a recent survey reported by survey artist, @Aella_Girl (on X). This survey reveals some interesting deductions about human mating difficulties in finding our “Magic 10%”. Dr. Lisle explains what the term “Magic 10%” means, and we then go over 2 listener questions – the first is whether sexuality is learned or conditioned, specifically bisexual fantasies, and then our last question is about a family member whose recent cancer diagnosis has caused them to act in a puzzling way. 0:00 Teaser Clips & Intro 2:05 Aella_Girl has conducted a survey with very interesting results 15:32 Attractiveness rating 2D vs 3D 22:32 Innate delusion makes it hard to find a mate, but when you do it feels amazing 28:05 What is “the Magic 10%”? 41:05 Identifying as a heterosexual woman but still being aroused by women I identify as heterosexual but I find myself to be more sexually aroused by women’s bodies than men’s, even though I only date men in a romantic setting. Even when I’m with my boyfriend, I have to fantasize about naked women in order to orgasm, but I could not imagine courting or being courted by a woman. Am I so attracted to the female body because as a society we have been conditioned to view the female body as a sexual object regardless of our sexual orientation? Ever since I was a child, all I saw on tv was sexy females in movies advertisements, etc. Could this have affected my sexual orientation, like if I was born straight, could media influence have skewed me a bit toward homosexuality? I know it is common especially for women to be aroused by both sexes. Or am I just a closeted bisexual? 51:33 Family member with aggressive cancer making rash decisions My family member was recently diagnosed with an aggressive cancer and has less than 6 months to live. She is young (in her 30s) but appears to have made peace with this reality and is happier than I have ever seen her. She wants to continue to live her life normally, but in the last few weeks she has made some rash decisions (like ending the relationship she was in, her boyfriend was planning to propose and was left extremely confused). I am very shocked by her reaction and her peace with everything, as I am struggling. Many other family members and her close friends feel the same way. We want to be more present in her life but she insists on keeping us at a distance and continuing to live just as she did before. How can I change my perspective and also make peace with not treating her differently? 56:28 End X: @BeatYourGenes Web: www.beatyourgenes.org Doug Lisle, PhD www.esteemdynamics.com Nathan Gershfeld, DC www.fastingescape.com Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones • Ferenc Hegedus Licensed for use Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast /episode/index/show/eac5122b-64de-4568-a1e6-e7d246a15c9d/id/34963855

E349: "Going crazy” after cheating on husband, Are there limitations to Personality or Intelligence tests? Are problematic/disagreeable co-workers less estrogenized? Follow-up question from E347 01/09/2025

348: Dr. Lisle’s Book Update, Friend acting unbothered following his wife’s death 12/26/2024

348: Dr. Lisle’s Book Update, Friend acting unbothered following his wife’s death Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD discusses listener questions with host, Nathan Gershfeld. In today's show, Dr. Lisle gves us an update on his upcoming book, and we take a question from a listener who is rethinking a friendship with their friends’ husband following the death of his wife. 0:00 Teasers and Intro 0:23 Year in Review and Book Update 23:42 Friend acting unbothered following his wife’s death – what might be going on? 1. My wife had a best friend since 5yrs old up until last year when she got an extremely aggressive cancer at the age of 42 which unfortunately took her life in only a few shorts months since diagnosis. As you can imagine it caused a great deal of sadness for my wife, myself, and her friends and family. Her husband on the other hand at least from outside seems to have a totally different response to this situation. At her funeral there was not any look of sadness or not even one tear on his face. No one took much notice as of course people have different reactions to bad situations. However in the coming few months we learned that he was already on dating apps and not long after that found another girlfriend and it’s like nothing happened. It’s like he lost a business partner and just got another. This culminated when he rang my wife to ask her if this new girlfriend can come to my son’s communion to which she was put on the spot and found it hard to say no. The event was very awkward and I was angry that he put her in that position. My question is this, what should I make of this person? My feelings towards him have changed. I no longer want his kids and mine playing together as I don’t want to interact with the new girlfriend neither does my wife. How does someone move on so fast after a near 20 yr marriage? I’m confused and angered by all of this. It feels like a betrayal of her memory. Can you share your opinion of this situation? Web: www.beatyourgenes.org Doug Lisle, PhD www.esteemdynamics.com Nathan Gershfeld, DC www.fastingescape.com Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones • Ferenc Hegedus Licensed for use Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast /episode/index/show/eac5122b-64de-4568-a1e6-e7d246a15c9d/id/34616270

347: Do husbands just want sex and food? Are good looking people the only ones that can find love? 12/11/2024

347: Do husbands just want sex and food? Are good looking people the only ones that can find love? Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD discusses listener questions with host, Nathan Gershfeld. In today's show, Dr. Lisle discusses our first question in which a wife feels like she’s sometimes just being used for sex and food. Question #2 is from a listener wondering if some people are just doomed to never find love. 0:00 Teasers and Intro 1:21 Question 1: Wife admires husband but sometimes feels like all he wants is sex and hot meal 36:29 Question 2: Are some people (in the middle of bell curve) not able to find romantic love? 1. I've heard you say that in a good relationship, the man finds the woman attractive while the woman admires the man's character. This describes my marriage. My husband and I have been together for 30 years. He still wants sex a lot, and I admire his work ethic and dedication as a father. The problem is, I can't help but feel I'm being "used." I often feel like all he wants from me is sex and a hot meal. He seems to pour 99% of his energy into his job and career advancement, leaving my emotional needs completely neglected. He works long hours, rarely has time for me, and doesn't share in parenting duties. He's constantly stressed and often snaps at me when he's in a bad mood. When I get upset, he always says he didn't mean it and that he only lashed out because he was at his limit. I know I can't change who he is, and I can't change my own feelings about his attitude. What can I do to improve our situation? 2. Are some people, who are otherwise normal or middle of the bell curve, just not meant to ever find romantic love? If they are reasonably attractive, intelligent, and have good character is it possible for them to still end alone? What would cause this? Is there any truth to the saying that love comes when you are not looking or when you least expect it? Web: www.beatyourgenes.org Doug Lisle, PhD www.esteemdynamics.com Nathan Gershfeld, DC www.fastingescape.com Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones • Ferenc Hegedus Licensed for use Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast /episode/index/show/eac5122b-64de-4568-a1e6-e7d246a15c9d/id/34338635

E346: Applied Evolutionary Psychology, Young woman dating wealthy man, Dietary disagreement in raising child, Women may feel secure when mate is right more often 11/29/2024

E346: Applied Evolutionary Psychology, Young woman dating wealthy man, Dietary disagreement in raising child, Women may feel secure when mate is right more often Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD discusses listener questions with host, Nathan Gershfeld. In today's show, Dr. Lisle discusses the concept of Beating Your Genes and applying evolutionary psychology as a therapist, and then he answers listener questions on dating, dietary disagreement, and mutual decision making in relationships. 0:00 Teasers and Intro 1:56 Applying evolutionary psychology in a therapy practice 25:05 Beating your Genes 28:05 Young woman dating a wealthy man but feeling guilty from all of the gifts 50:34 Husband and Vegan Wife have a great relationship but there is strain around what food to feed their baby 59:10 Women may feel more secure with their mate when he’s right 70% of the time 1. Three months ago, I started dating a very rich man. I am not at all a gold digger and I was not looking for a man at all when I met him. He treats me well and spoils me. However, I feel guilty accepting his gifts and money and not giving him anything in return. I’m 25 years old and a student. For my birthday he bought me thousands of dollars worth of jewelry while I bought him a tie. I felt so bad for not being able to buy him something more expensive. I feel like our relationship is unbalanced and feel guilty every time he spends money on me. I know lots of girls who would love to be in my situation and they definitely wouldn’t feel guilty. What’s wrong with me? How can I stop feeling guilty and just enjoy my time with him? 2. My husband and I are in a magic 10% relationship and we have a one year old baby. I am plant based vegan and he is not. I never thought this would be a problem before we had kids but now it’s putting a huge strain on our relationship. I’m the one who does the most child rearing and so our baby started eating 100% whole foods plant based like me. My husband however thinks that veganism is not healthy for babies so he insists on giving her eggs, meat etc for her brain development. Maybe I have OCD when it comes to healthy eating but I am in such emotional pain when I see him feeding the baby meat. We fight all the time over this and if we continue like this we will end up divorced, which I don’t want to happen because I know I was so in love with him before we had a baby. What should I do? How can I save my marriage? 3. When it comes to females feeling more secure when their males make better decisions 70% of the time - does this apply to all decisions? Like: raising children, cooking, the finances, car repair, household operations, cleaning, travel planning, etc? Are males most comfortable when their female partners make better decisions than them 30% of the time? What about work environments? Should females feel their male bosses and peers make better decisions than them 70% of the time? If so, how can females ever be leaders in the workplace? Web: www.beatyourgenes.org Doug Lisle, PhD www.esteemdynamics.com Nathan Gershfeld, DC www.fastingescape.com Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones • Ferenc Hegedus Licensed for use Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast /episode/index/show/eac5122b-64de-4568-a1e6-e7d246a15c9d/id/34203930

E346: Our Last Episode, BYG is Moving on...to X 11/28/2024

345: Psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD, weights in on the US Election… What is Morality? 11/14/2024

E344 (343 Pt 2) How can Gay Genes stay in the population without offspring? 10/31/2024

E343 Pt 1: Can you breed higher Intelligence into society? 10/31/2024

342: The EGO TRAP – when expectations are too high, motivation suffers 10/17/2024

Evolutionary MISMATCH is everywhere – work, academia, retirement 10/03/2024

Evolutionary MISMATCH is everywhere – work, academia, retirement Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD discusses listener questions with host, Nathan Gershfeld. In today's show, we discuss the following listener questions about evolutionary mismatch at work, academia, and retirement. 1. I was on straight energy conservation mode for years at work. Putting in minimum effort and getting poor performance reviews. I hated it but for the life of me I couldn’t figure out how to get my motivation on board. Then I listened to you for years and over time bits of the pieces of the puzzle started coming together. Ultimately, I realized what I really wanted was the feeling of being productively occupied. To feel productively occupied though my brain needed to feel that it was generating real value in the world and get feedback that the value generated was indeed “real”. That is all to say I could never put a finger on the impact of my efforts in my corporate job. Does this mean the corporate world just isn’t for me? Or do I just need to zero in on what I directly impact in my current position and focus on that? Have you ever heard of people getting their mind/ motivation on board after 8 years of something? 2. I am a Master’s student in Psychology based in Germany, and I am planning to write my thesis on the topic of evolutionary mismatch in the workplace. My aim is to measure this mismatch using a questionnaire and then correlate it with hypothesized outcomes such as job satisfaction and mental health. I believe there may be connections between mismatch and phenomena such as burnout, as well as job satisfaction. This could potentially explain why some individuals prefer to work in small startups despite the objective drawbacks. However, I am encountering resistance from my professors, as they argue that the concept of “mismatch” is subjective and cannot be empirically measured, given that we cannot accurately determine the working conditions during the hunter-gatherer era. As such, they suggest that my thesis could be dismissed as a “just-so” story. I would greatly appreciate any advice on how to address this issue in my thesis. 3. Can you discuss the lack of goals once one is an empty nester? I am 61 and have many hobbies, i have volunteered so much I am having trouble finding anything that I can get excited about. I was a SAH mom and no grandchildren yet but not really interested in the grandchildren daycare duties if and when they present themselves. Post pandemic everything has slowed way down and it feels like reinventing the wheel for the hundredth time. My husband is still working for about 1 more year but we don’t have many common interests. I am coming off of 7 years of being the power of attorney and executor for my aunt who had dementia and passed then subsequently handling the estate with many beneficiaries who are not interested in any kind of support or help so thank goodness I am almost finished with those nearly full time complicated estate duties which utilized my skills well but was very stressful. Now I am just tired of all the working for free but advancing to nowhere. I am very self motivated but wow, the future looks very mundane. Can you suggest some action steps to get going again? Teasers 0:00 Intro 0:42 Question #1 1:51 Answer #1: 3:08 Question #2: 37:20 Answer #2: 38:30 Question #3 48:55 Answer #3: 50:10 Wrapping up: 1:03:54 Outro: 1:05:13 Follow us: YouTube: X: Insta: @Beatyourgenespodcast Web: www.beatyourgenes.org Doug Lisle, PhD www.esteemdynamics.com Nathan Gershfeld, DC www.fastingescape.com Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones • Ferenc Hegedus Licensed for use Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast /episode/index/show/eac5122b-64de-4568-a1e6-e7d246a15c9d/id/33305067

340: The TRUTH about Social Anxiety – are extroverts really the outliers? 09/26/2024

340: The TRUTH about Social Anxiety – are extroverts really the outliers? Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD discusses listener questions with host, Nathan Gershfeld. In today's show, we discuss different questions on social anxiety and finish with a short question about dating. 1. Is there a social strategy that involves not competing in an effort not to be seen as a threat? I am a woman and believe I notice in myself a tendency to make myself small around other women. I do this in interactions with women who are both more and less attractive than I am. I have lately come to believe the result is often that they dismiss me as not interesting or relevant, although my goal is to make friends. When I force myself to behave more assertively, I have better long term social result, but it is hard to sustain in ongoing interactions and it causes me rumination and social anxiety. Am I afraid of unleashing my competitive side with people who I want to like me? 2. If the point of everything we do is to find mates and reproduce, why do conditions such as social anxiety exist? I have crippling social anxiety which no therapist has ever been able to fix. I’m a 37 year old woman and I’ve never been on a date because I am just terrified of men. I’m not on the apps, and when I go out in public I avoid men at all costs. How did my ancestors ever find a mate and reproduce with this type of behavior? It just seems counterintuitive to the essence of humanity. 3. Is there anything to be done about emotional instability? I've always felt like a raw nerve trying to navigate through life. I oscillate between very high and very low emotions constantly and when something goes wrong in life I feel it so deeply I become emotionally paralyzed. It makes having relationships hard, as well as trying to get through day to day life. I don't want to go on medication but sometimes I feel like a chemical lobotomy would be a relief. Is there anything to be done? If not, can you explain the genetic reason why a person like this might be beneficial to the tribe so I can focus on a silver lining? 4. In personality, is there a difference between disagreeable and difficult? I know some people who are obviously disagreeable and I do the distance thing with them you suggest, and that works for me. But I also have a few people in my life, with OCD and chronic anxiety who can be kind and nice but unpredictable. Sometimes they are very difficult if they are going through an episode, and it doesn't feel right to just walk away and create distance from the behavior. But usually I can't actually help much either, and things get very muddy and difficult. Can you help me understand the difference, between a disagreeable person (narcissist) and a difficult person (OCD)? Thank you so much. 5. If love is feeling like you are getting a good deal, then what are some techniques to make women feel that way? What are the best ways to make a woman look up to you and seek your approval as a man? How do I communicate that I am better than her? Intro 0:00 Small talk 1:35 Question #1 3:25 Question #2 21:18 Question #3 32:05 Question #4 48:15 Question #5 1:02:45 Wrapping up 1:09:00 Follow us: YouTube: X: Insta: @Beatyourgenespodcast Web: www.beatyourgenes.org Doug Lisle, PhD www.esteemdynamics.com Nathan Gershfeld, DC www.fastingescape.com Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones • Ferenc Hegedus Licensed for use Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast /episode/index/show/eac5122b-64de-4568-a1e6-e7d246a15c9d/id/33178017

339: Disagreeable people blame trauma for their circumstances. 09/05/2024

339: Disagreeable people blame trauma for their circumstances. Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD discusses listener questions with host, Nathan Gershfeld. Question 1: I had a very traumatic childhood, but I don't blame my experiences with my violent alcoholic mother for any of my stupid adult decisions. I did those all on my own -- with some help from my parents' genes, of course. What Dr. Lisle teaches on this topic makes sense to me. I have a friend who, by any measure, had a much less traumatic childhood. In fact, I don't think it is fair to say that her childhood was traumatic at all. There weren't any drugs or alcohol in her childhood home, and, according to her, she didn't experience any physical, verbal or sexual abuse. Her physical needs were all taken care of and, at the time, she says she felt very loved by both her parents. She is no longer close to them. Looking back over her life at the age of 60, she now believes that her emotional needs weren't properly addressed when she was a child. Consequently, she has recently concluded that her problems stem from an attachment disorder caused by her parents. For the first time, she is calling what she experienced "trauma." She is convinced that her parents' lack of attentiveness to her emotional needs qualifies as trauma and are at fault for much of her current depression and rage, as well as for her struggle with weight. My friend is quite disagreeable, whereas I am quite agreeable. Even among people who truly had a traumatic childhood, I have noticed a pattern: Disagreeable people are more likely to want to blame someone for their shortcomings and for their life's decisions, whereas agreeable people don't tend to blame anyone. In this way, it seems that agreeable people may be more readily able to grasp the lessons that Evolutionary Psychology has to offer -- at least in the arena of this important topic of trauma and its role in our lives. What do you think? Follow us: YouTube: X: Insta: @Beatyourgenespodcast Web: www.beatyourgenes.org Doug Lisle, PhD www.esteemdynamics.com Nathan Gershfeld, DC www.fastingescape.com Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones • Ferenc Hegedus Licensed for use Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast /episode/index/show/eac5122b-64de-4568-a1e6-e7d246a15c9d/id/32886742

338: A MARRIED man tried to KISS me! Wanting to Fall in Love AGAIN – What's my mind telling me? 08/22/2024

338: A MARRIED man tried to KISS me! Wanting to Fall in Love AGAIN – What's my mind telling me? Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD discusses listener questions with host, Nathan Gershfeld. Intro 0:00 Question #1: 0:30 I have been with the same man for 13 years (since I was 19) and we have 2 children together. Though we have had our ups and downs and areas of incompatibility I believe our relationship is good, I love our family and want it to continue. However there is a part of me that wishes to fall in love with someone new again and feels regret about committing to someone when I was so young. What I don’t understand is the several times we’ve had a relationship crisis it would be him who wanted to leave. At those points the part of me that fantasizes about a new romance completely fades away and all I care about is getting him back again. Why is this? Dr. Lisle answers: 1:18 Question #2: 35:40 I recently shared a passionate kiss with a married man. I'm worried the village might know. Small town and all. I don't want to be labeled as a bad person. This individual likely has their reasons. I believe they are going on 15+ years of marriage, a few kids, ect. Good looking guy in his mid 40's, business owner. If I get confronted, how do I put my words. To help people understand that men are inherently wife wife chippy and it may be understandable for them to kiss a random girl to feel like they are still valued in the market. I want to clarify I unexpectedly was the recipient of this kiss. But I didn't slap him and walk away. It was nice. I feel guilt over the matter and avoiding seeing anyone that may know. I'll let time ride this out and hopefully not have to deal with conflict. If I do, how would you suggest I handle it? Dr. Lisle answers: 36:44 Question #3: 46:18 You focus a great deal of attention on mating strategies, mainly geared towards younger people who are making decisions about passing on genes and pairing up with the right person for resource security and safety. But what about people over 55 who are no longer worried about procreating and looking for financial stability? Are they following the same strategies when looking for a mate or companion? What is driving them? Dr. Lisle answers: 46:45 Outro 1:04:01 Follow us: YouTube: X: Insta: @Beatyourgenespodcast Web: www.beatyourgenes.org Doug Lisle, PhD www.esteemdynamics.com Nathan Gershfeld, DC www.fastingescape.com Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones • Ferenc Hegedus Licensed for use Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast /episode/index/show/eac5122b-64de-4568-a1e6-e7d246a15c9d/id/32686097

337: I’m RICH but I DIDN’T EARN it – Can I EVER be HAPPY? Should I be CONCERNED about all the NEGATIVITY in the news? 08/08/2024

337: I’m RICH but I DIDN’T EARN it – Can I EVER be HAPPY? Should I be CONCERNED about all the NEGATIVITY in the news? Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD discusses listener questions with host, Nathan Gershfeld. Question 1: How do I get back to being happy with so much violence and negativity swirling around in the news and in the world? No matter what has been going on in my life, I have always tended to be happy and optimistic, but recently it feels like everything seems pretty bleak in the world and it is bringing me down. I truly don't have any reason to be unhappy- I am part of a magic 10% marriage, I have a good job and great friends and make good money, and truly, want for nothing, but I am fighting feeling sad and anxious about everything going on around me even though I don't watch the news and am not on social media. Question 2: Dear Dr. Lisle, I’m a 25 year old woman and I am unmotivated, have no career, no passions or purpose in life because my family is extremely rich. I am set to inherit a ton of money (tens of millions of dollars) from my parents, so basically I am set for life if I do absolutely nothing for the rest of my life. I didn’t go to college because I knew I was going to inherit all this money and I didn’t think it was worth it. Now, I literally don’t know what to do with my life. Other people need to work to live. I have more money than they will ever make in their lifetime and I didn’t even do anything to earn it. My parents tell me to do whatever I want because I’ll be rich anyway. I’m embarrassed to date because I have no interesting personality characteristics; I have no career, I’m unmotivated, no passions, no purpose in life. I’m just a spoiled rich girl who inherited daddy’s money, who’s going to love me for who I am? How am I going to spend the next 50 years of my life? I feel unmotivated to do anything because I’m already rich but then I feel guilty for having nothing to offer to the world. What should I do? Intro 0:00 Question #1: 0:55 Dr. Lisle answers: 1:44 A threshold has been reached 41:53 Understand economics 42:10 Question #2: 46:52 Dr. Lisle answers: 47:55 Outro 1:08:40 Follow us: YouTube: X: Insta: @Beatyourgenespodcast Web: www.beatyourgenes.org Doug Lisle, PhD www.esteemdynamics.com Nathan Gershfeld, DC www.fastingescape.com Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones • Ferenc Hegedus Licensed for use Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast /episode/index/show/eac5122b-64de-4568-a1e6-e7d246a15c9d/id/32492597

336: Having SECOND THOUGHTs about fiancé – Should I marry anyway? Is waiting until MARRIAGE a TRAP? 07/25/2024

336: Having SECOND THOUGHTs about fiancé – Should I marry anyway? Is waiting until MARRIAGE a TRAP? Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD discusses listener questions with host, Nathan Gershfeld. In today's show, we discuss staying a virgin until marriage, and what to consider when having second thoughts before marrying. 1. I am a 32 year old female, Catholic and I want to wait until marriage to have sex. Not 10 paid dates, but marriage. However, it seems that nowadays no one is willing to wait. All the religious men I know that are my age are already married or even they didn’t wait. I don’t know what to do. I am still a virgin even at my age and I don’t want to give up my values just because men are used to living in an over sexualized world and want instant gratification. How do I approach this problem? 2. I’m a 45 year old female and about to get married for the first time but have second thoughts. A few years ago I met a man and he is now my fiance and we live together. He is very nice, smart, has a good personality, and is fairly attractive, but I never had intense passionate feelings for him. I never got those "butterflies" I would get whenever I had a crush. I should also note that I’ve never been in a relationship because I never felt ready and have always been busy with other things, and therefore wasted my 20s and 30s from a dating standpoint. My fiance and I get along very well, but a lot of the time it feels more like a comfortable friendship. I would love to have a passionate and meaningful relationship, but I feel that at my age, the good and attractive men have all been taken a long time ago. If I let him go, the older I get, the harder it will be to find someone. However, it also feels that by marrying him, I’m doing both of us a disservice. I also don’t want to be single at this point in my life. Should I go ahead and marry him even if I’m not in love with him? Intro 0:00 Evolution of politics 1:00 About 10 paid dates comment from last show 7:00 Question #1 about Staying Virgin until Marriage 12:58 Question #2 about having second thoughts in upcoming marriage 35:30 Wrapping up 57:45 Outro 58:31 Follow us: YouTube: X: Insta: @Beatyourgenespodcast Web: www.beatyourgenes.org Doug Lisle, PhD www.esteemdynamics.com Nathan Gershfeld, DC www.fastingescape.com Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones • Ferenc Hegedus Licensed for use Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast /episode/index/show/eac5122b-64de-4568-a1e6-e7d246a15c9d/id/32283467

335: I find ALL MEN my age REPULSIVE, Will 10 paid dates WARD OFF the casual daters? 07/11/2024

335: I find ALL MEN my age REPULSIVE, Will 10 paid dates WARD OFF the casual daters? Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD discusses listener questions with host, Nathan Gershfeld. In Today's show, we discuss a listener's struggle with being attracted to men her own age, and then Dr. Lisle discusses a question about whether 10 paid dates strategy is outdated. To listen to past episodes that discuss 10 paid dates, check out episodes 18, 22, 35, 96, 151, 164, and 284. Today's questions: 1. I’m a 41 year old female. A combination of good genetics, good diet, exercise, good skincare, staying out of the sun have allowed me to look like I’m in my late 20’s even though I am actually 41. I always looked younger than my age and I have what is called a “baby face.” I’m not at all a narcissist, but I would rate myself a 9 even at my age. As a result, I don’t find any of the men my age to be attractive. i have dated men in their 20’s and they were definitely attracted to me, but were turned off when they found out my age, even though I look much younger. My question is, how do I get myself to be attracted to men my age? I find them repulsive. 2. Is the 10 paid dates rule outdated? I spoke to many guys about this and they said that if a girl waited for 10 dates they would assume she is not attracted to them and move on, or that she is just using them to get free meals. They said if they pay they also want something in return. A few have also said that sexual compatibility is a factor in deciding whether they want a relationship with this person, so they wouldn’t enter into a relationship with someone they don’t know they are compatible with. For these reasons do you think that by following the 10 date rule women are missing out on great guys who are misinterpreting their intentions? Follow us: YT: X: Insta: @Beatyourgenespodcast Web: www.beatyourgenes.org Doug Lisle, PhD www.esteemdynamics.com Nathan Gershfeld, DC www.fastingescape.com Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones • Ferenc Hegedus Licensed for use Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast /episode/index/show/eac5122b-64de-4568-a1e6-e7d246a15c9d/id/32057577

E334: Some sad news...Remembering Dr. John McDougall 06/27/2024

333: Great marriage but romance FADING? How do our traits OVERLAP? Are PSYCH meds EVER worth it? 06/13/2024

333: Great marriage but romance FADING? How do our traits OVERLAP? Are PSYCH meds EVER worth it? Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD discusses listener questions with host, Nathan Gershfeld. In Today's show, Dr. Lisle discusses the overlap of Big Five traits in normal human behavior and how to understand the conceptual framework rather than getting bogged down in formulaic thinking. Our next question has to do with anti-anxiety medications and whether they are ever worth taking. Then we wrap things with a question about being in a great marriage to a best friend but whose romance is fading. 1. The big five traits overlap way too much! for ex is someone nice because they are agreeable or because they are extremely conscientious and believe it is the right way to behave or are they just intelligent enough to understand that being nice is an advantageous strategy to get people to cooperate with them? any new developments in the field of personality? 2. Are there any situations or personality types where you believe taking anti-anxiety medications would be a good choice? Versus just seeing a good anxiety therapist like Dr. Laura Bruce who most likely isn't covered by their insurance anyway? For example, I am high in neuroticism, also high in conscientiousness.. but also impulsive.. and I'm currently working a high pressure job to pay off a low interest loan. But the job is stressful (I came into it and discovered they were operating at a -160k deficit, I'm being transparent with the board but we are still operating at a big deficit and might need to close within a year or two).. and my friend keeps telling me to get some anti-anxiety meds. In this case, if I *need* to do something like work a stressful job for a year, should anti-anxiety meds still be off the table? Why or why not? 3. What does a position of power with respect to marriage look like. For me the biggest threat to leaving a marriage is loneliness. I’m not a super out going guy and I fear that growing old without her companionship will be very depressing. My wife is my best friend and the few friends I do have are couple friends we both share. My issue is that the sexual romance side of it is fading. We both have decent paying jobs so financially we could comfortably figure it out if we did decide on splitting. I’m also not worried about the one child we have together we are both on the same page that our job is just to give him a good life experience. The main issue is we are best friends and I understand that is partly because our lives are literally interdependent. Separating may server that bond. Follow us: YT: X: Insta: @Beatyourgenespodcast Web: www.beatyourgenes.org Doug Lisle, PhD www.esteemdynamics.com Nathan Gershfeld, DC www.fastingescape.com Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones • Ferenc Hegedus Licensed for use Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast /episode/index/show/eac5122b-64de-4568-a1e6-e7d246a15c9d/id/31723667

OCD relief, Estranged parent-child relationships, Long-term relationship considerations 05/30/2024

OCD relief, Estranged parent-child relationships, Long-term relationship considerations Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD discusses listener questions with host, Nathan Gershfeld. Today's topics are about people who seek and only feel relief if they have deep understanding about certain subjects, a parent who appears worn out from an estranged adult child, and a young man unsure about a long-term relationship. Listener Questions: Throughout my life, I continue to encounter people who have a deep attachment to understanding. They seem to only feel satisfied, secure or at peace if they understand their object of attention, feel they have a concrete plan of action, or believe that they know all the details there are to know about a situation. Not having these things leaves them anxious, unsteady or even prone to despair. What personality and evolutionary factors are at play here? Most "experts" blame the parents when their adult children estrange from them. Even when there was no abuse, neglect, drugs,etc when they were growng up, and their childhood seemed pretty normal and enriched with activities, family vacations, etc. Is there something else going on? Trying to reconnect or talk may yields a peripheral relationship, meaning once or twice a year a text or phonically for the holiday, yet as older parents, we not only lose closeness with our own children, but our grandchildren grow up unaware of who their grandparents are. The question is, as a parent of two out of three adult children, am I wrong to just be worn out from hoping and trying and wanting to just wish them well now, and move on with my life? It's been so many years they seem like strangers to me anyway. I'm curious to know more about the 'magic 10%' and how that is impacted by personality. For context, I'm a 32 year old male dating a 30 year old female. I'm high in conscientiousness, low in neuroticism, slightly more disagreeable, slightly more open and slightly more introverted. I've had many sexual partner's over the years, mostly by female's approaching me (I feel gross writing this but think it is relevant for context) but was never in the right frame of mind to settle down. Now I am in my 30s and want to start a family. I have started dating a beautiful girl who I have strong feelings for, though I'm unsure if it is love. She is high in neuroticism, and middle of the road in most other traits. She very much loves me and I really enjoy her affection and spending time with her. I'm unsure how much my personality prevents me from feeling the love that she feels as it is evident to me that she loves me more than I love her. We have started talking about the future, kids, house etc and these are things that we both truly want. My line of thinking is simliar to a 'close enough is good enough', although I know that sounds crass. I would like to know this information as I don't want to turn around one day and have ruined this beautiful girl's life/wasted her time as these are very important years for her in particular. Follow us: YT: @beatyourgenes X: @beatyourgenes Insta: @Beatyourgenespodcast Web: Doug Lisle, PhD Nathan Gershfeld, DC Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones • Ferenc Hegedus Licensed for use Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast /episode/index/show/eac5122b-64de-4568-a1e6-e7d246a15c9d/id/31525557

E331: Do Narcissists Hide their Intentions more than Most? Impact of Upbringing on Future Preferences 05/16/2024

330: Is Life ALL ABOUT making money OR can you Beat Your Genes and feel happier? 04/18/2024

329: Is there Valid Critique of Twin Studies and Behavioral Genetics? 04/04/2024

328: Frustrated about Lower Income degree, Helping child increase confidence 03/21/2024

327: Is Pseudoscience in Psychology CAUSED by Academia? 03/07/2024

E326: Priest broke confession seal and told husband I cheated 02/22/2024

325: Prove-'em-wrong Motivation, Managing child's outbursts, Aunt is very disagreeable 02/08/2024

325: Prove-'em-wrong Motivation, Managing child's outbursts, Aunt is very disagreeable Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD and social scientist, Jen Howk, PhD discuss listener questions with host, Nathan Gershfeld: 1. Help! My son just turned 8. He has acquired part of his personality from my mother- he can be loud and will overreact or get really angry about things. This includes being told he needs to stop an activity because we are leaving the house, etc. I am trying to help him manage these outbursts because kids are starting to make fun of him at school for them. Do you have any specific strategies that would help or should I focus more on his diet and sleep? He is normally a sweet boy and these outbursts have improved with age but I feel he needs more support. 2. Is there anything that is the opposite of the ego trap when you have been repeatedly told negative things like that you are worthless and will never amount to anything? If the ego trap is demotivating, is hearing the opposite motivating? If so, can't it also be extremely demotivating as well, especially if your mind is doing a CB analysis of the possibility of success and whether the energy output is worth it, but the people around you are saying that you won't succeed? 3. I have an aunt who is so solipsistic, doesn't enquire about anyone else and is disagreeable. Sitting across the table from her, it's difficult to understand how someone can be so blind to the life of others and narcissistic. She's was divorced by 2 prior husbands. Is disagreeable behavior like this related to the "theory of mind" module and if so can you describe the various demarks on the "theory of mind" bell curve? Follow us: YT: X: Insta: @Beatyourgenespodcast Web: www.beatyourgenes.org Doug Lisle, PhD www.esteemdynamics.com Jen Howk, PhD www.jenhowk.com Nathan Gershfeld, DC www.fastingescape.com Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones • Ferenc Hegedus Licensed for use /episode/index/show/eac5122b-64de-4568-a1e6-e7d246a15c9d/id/29851193

324: Is Attachment Theory WRONG? Do parents owe you support? 01/25/2024

324: Is Attachment Theory WRONG? Do parents owe you support? Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD discusses the following listener questions with host, Nathan Gershfeld: 1. I'm trying to decide whether to go back to work a year after my second child, or to stay home with her till preschool. I have heard you say on your podcast 'it doesn't matter who raises your kids' which I understand to be a reference to twin studies that show that parents have very little influence on how their children turn out (outcomes are about 80% genetic). How do you square this with attachment theory, and psychologists who say that children need one primary caregiver for the first three years or they will be beset with anxiety and depression in their teen years. I am thinking of the book 'being there' by Erica Komisar in which she advocates very strongly for being a stay at home mother for the mental health of your children. I would like to have a third child, but being out of the workplace for 6 years would dent our finances and possibly my self esteem. 2. Dear doctors, I grew up in a Christian home but stopped going to church once I left home. All of my immediate family are still very religious and my parents financially support someone who was my best friend in high school, who has become a missionary. I find that dynamic very unfair and recently told both parties that I feel boundaries have been crossed. My friend asked my parents to stop supporting her but they refused. I feel betrayed by my parents. How do you advise I deal with the relationship moving forward? I’ve already ended my friendship but wish I could be emotionally closer to my parents. Watch this episode on Youtube! @BeatYourGenes Host: Nathan Gershfeld Interviewee: Doug Lisle, Ph.D. Podcast website: True to Life seminars with Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk : Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones · Ferenc Hegedus. Licensed for use. Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast /episode/index/show/eac5122b-64de-4568-a1e6-e7d246a15c9d/id/29635678

323: Can everyone be happy? Does online dating change the cost-benefit? 01/11/2024

323: Can everyone be happy? Does online dating change the cost-benefit? Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD and social scientist, Jen Howk, PhD discuss the following listener questions: 1. Can all personality types be equally happy if they apply diligent effort to worthwhile goals? ie all other things being equal, would a low conscientiousness individual be as happy as a high conscientiousness individual if they both applied their version of diligent effort and equally felt they hadn't left 'anything on the table' (despite those levels of effort and results being very different) 2. You have previously characterized men as "pair bonders or not." How has on-line dating changed the CB here for both sexes? 3. I am 51, happily married for 2 decades and have 1 child. We recently had a huge fight regarding whether we have a responsibility to help others. We have a friend who had a messy, complicated divorce and is struggling financially while still fighting her ex in court over child custody and business matters. He is a lying, unpredictable scam artist . As much as I feel sorry for our friend, I would like to keep a distance from this situation. Last time we saw her my husband offered to pay for a lawyer, and an accountant. While we live comfortably, we do not have the money this woman would need to become unentangled. When we got home I started yelling that my husband should not have made this offer because we really cannot afford it and I don't want her criminal ex husband knowing that we are helping her. While my cavewoman instinct was to protect my financial stability, I found it more effective to (over)emphasize the physical threat this could have on me since my husband travels a lot and her ex knows where we live. The fight escalated as my husband accused me of being selfish, uncharitable, and unwilling to help. I said that my time and energy go into taking care of my home and our family. We have already given this friend money and our time over the years. From an Evo-psych point of view, I understand that I feel a threat to my resources (financially and emotionally) as well as safety. My husband does not see this situation at all like I do. Shouldn't a cave-man have the instinct to primarily care for his family (only) and not spread their resources to another man's family?? Sidenote: while my son likes her kids, I would like to avoid any possible bad influence as one is already dabbling with marijuana. So, threat to offspring is another concern... Please offer any insight you have. Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast Host: Nathan Gershfeld Interviewee: Doug Lisle, Ph.D. and Jen Howk, Ph.D. Podcast website: Watch this episode on Youtube! @BeatYourGenes True to Life seminars with Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk : www.TrueToLife.us Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones · Ferenc Hegedus /episode/index/show/eac5122b-64de-4568-a1e6-e7d246a15c9d/id/29395288

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