370: Chasing vs. Coasting: Why the Dynamics Change for Both Sexes
Release Date: 11/19/2025
374: Gloat Therapy: What to Do with a Defiant Child
Beat Your Genes Podcast
Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD discusses listener questions with co-host, Nathan Gershfeld. 0:00 Teaser Clips & Intro 01:20 Q1: Single mom asks for advice on dealing with her out of control son 13:30 Cognitive dissonance in a mom 20:55 Personality does not deteriorate 35:35 Gloat Therapy 46:00 Limitations of Positive/Negative Reinforcement 57:45 Final thoughts Q1: What is your advice to a single mom of a 15 year old teen male that is out of control and no consequences are changing his behavior? He says he hates his mother, wants to go to foster care, has a...
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373: I was in a Traumatic Relationship – How to Recover?
Beat Your Genes Podcast
Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD discusses listener questions with co-host, Nathan Gershfeld. 0:00 Teaser Clips & Intro 02:07 The Year of Dr. Lisle’s Book 3:13 New Personality Trait? Tendency for Victimhood https://doi.org/10.1016/j.paid.2020.110134 30:30 Disagreeable with a few moving parts 41:28 Q1: Past traumatic relationship – how to start dating again? 1:05:20 Final thoughts Q1: How do I regain my self confidence after narcissistic abuse? I had an extremely emotionally abusive partner who would constantly call me fat even though I wasn’t (I was 5’4...
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372: Love, Lust, Lies & Lost Motivation
Beat Your Genes Podcast
Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD discusses listener questions with co-host, Nathan Gershfeld. 0:00 Teaser Clips & Intro 01:45 Q1: Dating broke, unmotivated men in my 70’s 13:40 Q2: Reparations: Trade, Force, or Fraud? 28:10 Q3: Daughter likes Bad Boys, but Mom and Dad want her to date the Dull Nice Guys 38:23 Q4: Searching for Spark After Lifelong Apathy 49:00 Final thoughts Q1: How does a woman in her early 70s, who is neither broke nor retired and also engaged in several creative projects, feel good about dating a similar-aged man (both single of...
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371: Evo Psych Didn’t Ruin Anything, You’re Just Focused on the Scary Part
Beat Your Genes Podcast
0:00 Teaser Clips & Intro 02:42 Q1: Listener struggles with finding meaning and motivation after embracing an evolutionary-psychology worldview that feels deterministic and uncomfortable. 7:03 The start of psychotherapy 17:00 Life problems are competitive 33:10 You’re not better off not knowing about human nature 49:07 Everybody knows the truth, deep down 1:05:04 Final thoughts Q1: This podcast has ruined my life. Well, not exactly, but it certainly hasn’t helped. Yet, like passing a car crash, I cannot look away. My desire to understand the true nature of our...
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370: Chasing vs. Coasting: Why the Dynamics Change for Both Sexes
Beat Your Genes Podcast
Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD discusses listener questions with co-host, Nathan Gershfeld. 0:00 Teaser Clips & Intro 01:51 Q1: Are men destined to hold more power in relationships due to women being the higher investment party? 09:23 What are relationships? 18:08 Are women the only ones who need affirmation & esteem signals? 34:30 What do we need in a relationship? 46:32 The only hope for a dying relationship Q1: Are men destined to hold more power in relationships, aka in a position of power, because women are always the higher investment...
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369: Love - The Glue Between Anxious Women and Wandering Men
Beat Your Genes Podcast
Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD discusses listener questions with co-host, Nathan Gershfeld. 0:00 Teaser Clips & Intro 02:25 Q1: When Neuroticism Sees the Breakup Coming Before He Does 11:25 Small Adjustments vs Sudden shifts 20:30 Analyzing key parameters 36:20 Q2: Pair Bonding: Nature’s Anti-Chippy Software Update 45:15 Final thoughts Q1: I am a female scoring high on the vulnerability dimension of neuroticism on the Big 5 assessment. I have always left partners first when I felt any kind of instability in the relationship or felt they weren't...
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368: Great Romance vs. Great Regret… PLUS: Can the “Least Attractive” Still Be Happy?
Beat Your Genes Podcast
Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD discusses listener questions with co-host, Nathan Gershfeld. 0:00 Teaser Clips & Intro 04:03 Q1: Married for 20 years but never loved him 21:10 Using the written word to express yourself 40:55 Q2: Can the "least attractive" still find sexual satisfaction and happiness? 1:03:25 Final thoughts Q1: I have been married to my husband for 20 years, we are both 45 now. He is a wonderful person, gentle, caring, sweet, intelligent, and an amazing father to our three small children, who all love him deeply. We have been through so...
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367: Emotional Affairs: A Modern Problem in an Ancient Brain
Beat Your Genes Podcast
Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD discusses listener questions with co-host, Nathan Gershfeld. 0:00 Teaser Clips & Intro 01:08 Q1: Emotional Affairs – Is there such a thing? Is this a modern phenomenon? 16:20 Human Love instincts 24:10 A modern day problem 46:46 Can you prevent an emotional affair? 1:02:45 Final thoughts Q1: Does Dr. Lisle believe in such a thing as an emotional affair? For instance, if someone in a committed relationship has a friend, coworker, or other acquaintance that they are attracted to and even fantasize about, how do you know...
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366: Closing an Open Loop – Friend Disappeared 17 years ago
Beat Your Genes Podcast
Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD discusses listener questions with co-host, Nathan Gershfeld. 0:00 Teaser Clips & Intro 01:40 Q1: My friend went missing 17 years. How can I get closure? 14:14 Getting familiar with different causes of death 33:23 Trying to find out what you’re worried about 51:30 Final thoughts Q1: My question is about closing an open loop when it is impossible to get closure and all the information. A good friend of mine went missing 17 years ago. Police did an investigation but never found out what happened to him. He seemingly vanished...
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365: Hustle Culture, Burnout, and the Evolution of Self Esteem
Beat Your Genes Podcast
Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD discusses listener questions with co-host, Nathan Gershfeld. 0:00 Teaser Clips & Intro 02:56 Q1: Do we call people lazy to excuse ourselves or to change them? 12:42 Q2:If goals bring esteem, why so much burnout? 28:20 Who gets burned out most often? 44:44 Evolution of Self esteem 1:10:20 Final thoughts Q1: Is the attribution of 'laziness' to others a form of self-deception by people high in conscientiousness to justify lowering our empathy to others? After all no one chooses their personality, some people are naturally less...
info_outlineEvolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD discusses listener questions with co-host, Nathan Gershfeld.
0:00 Teaser Clips & Intro
01:51 Q1: Are men destined to hold more power in relationships due to women being the higher investment party?
09:23 What are relationships?
18:08 Are women the only ones who need affirmation & esteem signals?
34:30 What do we need in a relationship?
46:32 The only hope for a dying relationship
Q1: Are men destined to hold more power in relationships, aka in a position of power, because women are always the higher investment party? In my experience with a few long-term relationships, the men stopped caring for and investing in my emotional well-being after the initial phase of chasing and courting. They’re nice, hardworking, and sincere, but I no longer receive the esteem signals and affirmation that women often need, especially after having kids, since they know I'm not going anywhere. Am I asking for too much? Should I just be happy knowing he's a good provider of resources?
X: @BeatYourGenes
Web: www.beatyourgenes.org
Doug Lisle, PhD www.esteemdynamics.com
Nathan Gershfeld, DC www.fastingescape.com
Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones • Ferenc Hegedus Licensed for use
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