347: Do husbands just want sex and food? Are good looking people the only ones that can find love?
Release Date: 12/11/2024
365: Hustle Culture, Burnout, and the Evolution of Self Esteem
Beat Your Genes Podcast
Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD discusses listener questions with co-host, Nathan Gershfeld. 0:00 Teaser Clips & Intro 02:56 Q1: Do we call people lazy to excuse ourselves or to change them? 12:42 Q2:If goals bring esteem, why so much burnout? 28:20 Who gets burned out most often? 44:44 Evolution of Self esteem 1:10:20 Final thoughts Q1: Is the attribution of 'laziness' to others a form of self-deception by people high in conscientiousness to justify lowering our empathy to others? After all no one chooses their personality, some people are naturally less...
info_outline
364: Marriage: Nature’s Most Optimistic Mistake?
Beat Your Genes Podcast
Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD discusses listener questions with co-host, Nathan Gershfeld. 0:00 Teaser Clips & Intro 01:50 Q1: What factors can predict divorce? 18:20 The Love Instinct 50:14 Q2: If marriage reduces effort to earn esteem, how can a woman feel secure having kids—and is it her job to vet the man well enough not to leave? 56:44 Final thoughts Q1: Can you speculate/attempt to predict who is most likely to get married and then divorced? My wife and I have been happily married for almost 45 years but all around us we hear of couples...
info_outline
363: Too Anxious to Relax, Too Average to Admire?
Beat Your Genes Podcast
Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD discusses listener questions with co-host, Nathan Gershfeld. 0:00 Teaser Clips & Intro 02:00 Q1: Too neurotic to ever feel truly calm? 18:26 Recommending an expert in anxiety & OCD 31:55 Q2: If I think I'm a 7 but men treat me like a 3, who’s right—me or evolution? 54:30 Final thoughts Q1: Dear Dr. Lisle, I'm a big fan of yours and have come to understand that a person's personality is defined by their genes. However, I feel like I cannot change my circumstances enough to be happy. I'm highly conscientious and highly...
info_outline
362: Esteem, Friendship, and Finding Your People
Beat Your Genes Podcast
Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD discusses listener questions with co-host, Nathan Gershfeld. 0:00 Teaser Clips & Intro 02:48 Q1: Regarding Episode 27 “How to make great friends”, Could DDL address more specifically how to make great friends? Similarly he has said we should earn esteem in the right way from the people who matter. How do we know what the right way is, and how do we identify the people who matter? 14:57 Conflicts of interest between friends 23:20. Never make a big decision, when a small decision will do 33:30 How do you earn esteem in the right way ...
info_outline
361: Lingering Loyalties, Distant Intimacies
Beat Your Genes Podcast
Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD discusses listener questions with co-host, Nathan Gershfeld. 0:00 Teaser Clips & Intro 04:25. Q1: Divorced dad entangled with ex 12:28 Genetic commitment calculations 27:14 Q2: Stuck with a closed-off boyfriend 33:53 Hugging an un-huggable friend 42:09 Final thoughts Q1: Any advice for a divorced dad who is still entangled with his ex wife? We have been divorced over five years now, but are still friends and live near one another. I initiated the divorce for a few reasons, mainly her emotional instability and our lack of intimacy....
info_outline
360: Affairs, Flares, and Fantasy Matches
Beat Your Genes Podcast
Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD discusses listener questions with co-host, Nathan Gershfeld. 0:00 Teaser Clips & Intro 02:41 Q1: How common are affairs? Is this typical human behavior? 34:12 Q2: Am I broken or just in the wrong pair bond? 57:40 Tenacious Delusions in Psychology 1:15:35 Final thoughts Q1: Can Dr. Lisle talk about the frequency of affairs, particularly in modern western civilization? I was a little surprised to read about the prevalence of affairs, particularly in men in “happy marriages,” described in The Mating Mind. I have been happily...
info_outline
359: When They Stop Caring: Hygiene, Hope & His Libido
Beat Your Genes Podcast
Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD discusses listener questions with co-host, Nathan Gershfeld. 0:00 Teaser Clips & Intro 04:31 Q1: My daughter doesn’t care about her appearance – could it be more than just preference? 14:32 Q2: Our 42 year old dependent daughter said she’ll kill herself after we die 32:35 Communication & Negotiation 39:06 Q3: My pot-smoking husband’s libido has decreased – but is it me? 53:15 Final thoughts Q1: Is neglecting personal hygiene and physical appearance really a sign of depression, or is it just personality? My 37...
info_outline
358: Pretty Girls, Cold Feet, and Estrogen Dreams
Beat Your Genes Podcast
Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD discusses listener questions with co-host, Nathan Gershfeld. 0:00 Teaser Clips & Intro 01:35 Q1: I’m pretty but my ugly competitors are getting plastic surgery! 19:05 Q2: My big, expensive wedding is coming up… but I don’t want to get married anymore 27:59 Q3: Can I increase my estrogen to get more beautiful? 44:28 Final thoughts Q1: You say that a woman’s physical appearance is the most important aspect of her attractiveness when attracting a mate, but we now live in a time when natural beauty has no value...
info_outline
357: Loving the Irrational, Living with the Stuck, Losing the One
Beat Your Genes Podcast
Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD discusses listener questions with co-host, Nathan Gershfeld. 0:00 Teaser Clips & Intro 01:39 Q1: I’ve alerted my wife that she has distortions, but she still has them! 18:53 Irrational emotions vs distortions 29:48 Q2: Why would someone complain about their job but do nothing differently? 47:51 Q3: How can I get over the loss of my husband? 57:33 Final thoughts Q1: Dear Dr Lisle, pop psychology advises men to validate their wives emotions but how do I validate something that is objectively invalid. I have taken your advice and...
info_outline
356: You Want Them to Change—But Will They? Suicide, Marijuana, and Sobriety
Beat Your Genes Podcast
Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD discusses listener questions with co-host, Nathan Gershfeld. 0:00 Teaser Clips 0:32 Q1 Nephew is suicidal, but he called to tell me 09:19 The psychology of suicide 30:08 Follow up question from E355 37:20 Q2 My husband is addicted to marijuana – can he change? 53:07 Q3: I’m one month sober – can it last? 1:14:19 Conclusion Q1: What do you do when a family member calls you and tells you that they are suicidal? Last night I received a phone call from my 35 year old nephew telling me he was suicidal. Growing up he was my...
info_outlineEvolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD discusses listener questions with host, Nathan Gershfeld. In today's show, Dr. Lisle discusses our first question in which a wife feels like she’s sometimes just being used for sex and food. Question #2 is from a listener wondering if some people are just doomed to never find love.
0:00 Teasers and Intro
1:21 Question 1: Wife admires husband but sometimes feels like all he wants is sex and hot meal
36:29 Question 2: Are some people (in the middle of bell curve) not able to find romantic love?
1. I've heard you say that in a good relationship, the man finds the woman attractive while the woman admires the man's character. This describes my marriage. My husband and I have been together for 30 years. He still wants sex a lot, and I admire his work ethic and dedication as a father. The problem is, I can't help but feel I'm being "used." I often feel like all he wants from me is sex and a hot meal. He seems to pour 99% of his energy into his job and career advancement, leaving my emotional needs completely neglected. He works long hours, rarely has time for me, and doesn't share in parenting duties. He's constantly stressed and often snaps at me when he's in a bad mood. When I get upset, he always says he didn't mean it and that he only lashed out because he was at his limit. I know I can't change who he is, and I can't change my own feelings about his attitude. What can I do to improve our situation?
2. Are some people, who are otherwise normal or middle of the bell curve, just not meant to ever find romantic love? If they are reasonably attractive, intelligent, and have good character is it possible for them to still end alone? What would cause this? Is there any truth to the saying that love comes when you are not looking or when you least expect it?
Web: www.beatyourgenes.org
Doug Lisle, PhD www.esteemdynamics.com
Nathan Gershfeld, DC www.fastingescape.com
Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones • Ferenc Hegedus Licensed for use
Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast