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494: I'm boring on dating apps. Help! How can I balance TEAM with Life? Do relapses come from out of the blue?

Feeling Good Podcast | TEAM-CBT - The New Mood Therapy

Release Date: 03/23/2026

513 - Grandma's Snake Phobia show art 513 - Grandma's Snake Phobia

Feeling Good Podcast | TEAM-CBT - The New Mood Therapy

Grandma's Snake Phobia The Real Cause of Her Anxiety Hosts: Kevin Cornelius, LMFT Dr. David Burns What if anxiety isn't the problem? What if anxiety is actually a message? In this fascinating episode, Dr. David Burns and Kevin Cornelius explore one of the most intriguing concepts in TEAM-CBT: the Hidden Emotion Technique. Using the memorable case of "Grandma's Snake Phobia," David explains why some forms of anxiety persist despite cognitive techniques, exposure exercises, and logical reassurance—and how uncovering an unrecognized emotional truth can sometimes lead to astonishingly rapid...

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Feeling Good Podcast | TEAM-CBT - The New Mood Therapy

The Myth of Slow Healing Why Rapid Recovery Is Possible Featuring Dr. David Burns and Kevin Cornelius, LMFT Many people believe emotional healing takes months—or even years. Therapists are often trained to expect gradual progress, and patients may assume lasting change requires prolonged struggle. But what if that assumption is wrong? In this episode, Dr. David Burns challenges one of the most deeply entrenched beliefs in mental health: the idea that meaningful psychological recovery must happen slowly. Drawing from his recent Psychology Today article, The Myth of Slow Healing, Dr. Burns...

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Feeling Good Podcast | TEAM-CBT - The New Mood Therapy

Shame Attacking: A Surprising Cure for Social Anxiety Hosts: Kevin Cornelius, LMFT Dr. David Burns Episode Summary Many people believe social anxiety is caused by low self-esteem, poor social skills, or awkwardness. But what if the real culprit is shame? In this episode, Dr. David Burns and Kevin Cornelius explore one of the most powerful—and unconventional—tools for overcoming social anxiety: Shame Attacking Exercises. Drawing from Dr. Burns' recent Psychology Today article, Shame Attacking: Overcoming a Lifetime of Social Anxiety, they tell the remarkable story of Martin, a handsome...

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Feeling Good Podcast | TEAM-CBT - The New Mood Therapy

Conquering Social Anxiety: The Courage to Reach Out Hosts: Kevin Cornelius, LMFT Dr. David Burns In this deeply moving episode, Dr. David Burns and Kevin Cornelius explore one of the most painful and misunderstood forms of anxiety: social anxiety. David shares a remarkable true story about a wealthy and highly successful businessman whose severe social anxiety left him feeling isolated, ashamed, and unable to connect even with his own family. Despite his power, wealth, and accomplishments, he secretly believed there was something deeply wrong with him because he felt anxious around people....

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Feeling Good Podcast | TEAM-CBT - The New Mood Therapy

When Trauma Still Hurts: Memory Rescripting Hosts: Kevin Cornelius, LMFT Dr. David Burns Content Note This episode includes discussion of trauma, including sexual abuse and violence, which may be distressing for some listeners. What Is Memory Rescripting? Memory rescripting is a therapeutic technique that helps people transform how they experience painful memories. Instead of simply revisiting trauma, clients: Re-enter the memory vividly (often with eyes closed) Experience the emotions fully Then actively change the outcome of the scene The key idea:Many trauma victims, see themselves,...

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Feeling Good Podcast | TEAM-CBT - The New Mood Therapy

A New Model for Treating Trauma Do You Need to Revisit the Past to Heal Trauma? Episode Overview In this episode, David and Kevin explore a provocative idea: healing from trauma may not require revisiting the past at all. Drawing from decades of clinical experience and data-driven research, David challenges a core assumption in trauma therapy and explains why focusing on the present moment can lead to rapid and lasting change. Key Takeaways A Radical Shift in Trauma Treatment Traditional approaches often emphasize revisiting and “processing” past trauma. David argues that this may be...

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Feeling Good Podcast | TEAM-CBT - The New Mood Therapy

Mastering the Daily Mood Log Small Details, Life-Changing Results Episode Summary might seem simple—even boring—but its impact can be profound. In this episode, David and Kevin break down how to use this powerful CBT tool effectively, highlighting the most common mistakes people make and how to avoid them. They explain why focusing on a single specific moment is the key to emotional transformation, how to accurately identify feelings, and how to uncover the exact thoughts driving distress. This practical deep dive shows how small shifts in technique can lead to dramatic improvements in...

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Feeling Good Podcast | TEAM-CBT - The New Mood Therapy

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Feeling Good Podcast | TEAM-CBT - The New Mood Therapy

Live Work with Ruben: Part 1 of 2 Working with Performance Anxiety in Real Time Hosts: Kevin Cornelius, LMFT Dr. David Burns Guests: Dr. Jill Levitt Ruben Land In this live work from a recent Tuesday Group, we had the opportunity to work with Ruben, a highly capable and thoughtful clinician, who brought a struggle that many therapists quietly share: intense performance anxiety in evaluative situations, especially in the presence of authority figures or people he deeply admires. What made this work especially powerful is that Ruben was actively experiencing anxiety in the moment, allowing...

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Feeling Good Podcast | TEAM-CBT - The New Mood Therapy

The Moment You’re in Matters More Than the One You Remember You Can Recover from Trauma by Focusing on the Present Hosts:Kevin Cornelius, LMFT Dr. David Burns Episode Overview In this powerful episode, Dr. David Burns shares transformative insights from decades of clinical experience treating depression and trauma. Through compelling real-life stories, he challenges the traditional belief that healing requires deep exploration of the past. Instead, he reveals that you do not need to deal with the past to overcome the impact of trauma or recover from depression. Real change can happen rapidly...

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More Episodes

What if the old techniques don't work now?


What can I do if I'm boring on dating apps?


How do I balance TEAM CBT with Life?


Do relapses come from out of the blue?

Carlos continues with his question(s) first addressed on last week’s podcast. He’d recovered from depression using TEAM CBT, but had a question about how to challenge his negative thoughts during a relapse, as well as how to balance TEAM CBT with life. Plus a dating question from a man who’s never had a date!

Today’s questions begin here.

  1. Should I use a brand-new CBT technique to help me overcome my current negative thoughts?

I've been using my previous solutions (Exposure Therapy and Daily Mood Log) however, they don't seem to help out as much as they used to.

  1. How do I balance Team CBT and life?

I've been having a difficult time finding the right balance between Therapy and Life. Whenever I strictly do therapy, I feel good, but then feel sad that I sacrifice other activities in order to do the therapy. Inversely, whenever I do activities (while only occasionally doing therapy), I feel conned by my anxiety and feel as if I can't enjoy doing my activities.

  1. Can you relapse despite having no apparent issues in life?

I'm currently on Christmas break, without much pressure to find a job. Yet despite this, I'm feeling more anxious right now than I was in university! How is this possible? Is there perhaps a hidden emotion or desire that I'm not expressing?

Regardless of how negative I feel right now, I'm doing my absolute best to stay positive and keep working on myself with Team CBT. I'm looking forward to resolving my anxiety with the help of your awesome tools! It was an honor speaking with you, thank you for reading!

-Carlos

David’s Answer

Great question, and I’ll give you a (hopefully) great answer on the podcast! But here’s the quickie answer. Focus on one specific moment when you’d like to be feeling happier, or when you need help to become the person you want to be. Then use a Daily Mood Log, Habit / Addiction Log (HAL), or Relationship Journal, depending on what’s needed.

This is the exact same fractal concept we use in all of TEAM CBT!

Warmly, david

 

  1. I am overly sincere and boring on dating apps. What can I do to correct this?

Michael writes: Hi Dr burns 

I am 30 and never dated anyone. Whenever I start chatting on dating apps I seem very boring or sincere person how can I talk to someone in this?

Regards,

Michael (disguised name)