What to Do When Your Teen Is Struggling Mentally

This week's Wednesday Q&A is a little different, I'm running it solo since my usual co-host Joe couldn't make it, and honestly, it turned into one of the harder, more important conversations we've had. A man in our Alliance named Rich called in with a genuinely difficult situation: his 17-year-old stepdaughter recently went through a breakup, was hospitalized shortly after making statements about wanting to end her life, and Rich is trying to figure out how to support her while also being honest that he's not sure whether what he's seeing is a real crisis or a manipulation tactic she's learned to use.

I want to be upfront that I am not a licensed therapist, and neither is anyone else on this call. We have someone in our community who specializes in this exact area, and when a situation is acute, that's who we point men toward. What I can offer is real, lived experience, because one of my own boys went through a genuinely frightening season with depression and anxiety years ago, and I've been in the position of feeling completely out of my depth as a father.

If you're a father watching a child struggle right now and feeling like you have no idea what you're doing, or you're not even sure if what you're seeing is a real crisis, this conversation won't give you all the answers, because there often aren't easy ones. But it might help you feel less alone in it.

 

Timeline Summary

[1:02] Opening the Wednesday Q&A solo, and introducing today's difficult topic

[1:48] Introducing Rich, a leader in the Alliance's teen-parenting group, and his situation

[3:13] Rich shares that his 17-year-old bonus daughter has recently expressed suicidal thoughts

[4:33] Understanding the timeline: a difficult personal season followed by a breakup two weeks ago

[5:43] Larry announces Roommates to Soulmates cohort three, starting September 16th

[7:25] Larry's disclaimer: not a licensed therapist, and where the community sends acute cases

[8:37] Asking Rich what he'd want to see in his stepdaughter's life a few months from now

[9:49] The tension between wanting to support her and wanting to hold her accountable to her own goals

[10:47] Assessing her circle of friends and the instability there

[12:30] First piece of advice: don't go through this alone, and find a therapist she connects with

[13:20] The breakfast and games advice from a mentor, and why simple connection mattered more than conversation

[15:27] The medication journey: an initial diagnosis, a worsening condition, and a specialized brain scan clinic

[17:07] How a corrected diagnosis and a supplement-based approach turned things around over about a year

[17:32] Larry shares his own 2017 hospitalization following extreme physical training and severe insomnia

[19:29] Reiterating connection over correction as the throughline of the advice

[19:51] Larry announces a rare, small-group preview of the Dad Edge Business Boardroom Brotherhood

[24:19] Closing advice: don't go through it alone, connect first, and remember that without connection there is no influence

 

Five Key Takeaways

1. You don't have to be a mental health expert to support a struggling child, but you do have to know when to bring in someone who is. Recognizing the limits of your own expertise and connecting your family with the right specialist is itself an act of good fathering.

2. Connection has to come before correction. A struggling teenager often needs low-pressure time with a parent, free of goal-setting or serious conversation, far more than another conversation about fixing the problem.

3. Finding the right therapist matters as much as finding a therapist at all. A mismatch in chemistry or approach can make a child more resistant to help they genuinely need.

4. A diagnosis can be wrong, and it's worth getting a second opinion when treatment isn't working. A corrected diagnosis and a different treatment approach turned around a genuinely difficult, months-long decline.

5. You are not required to be blood related to be the father figure a child needs most. Consistent presence during a hard season is what a child remembers and trusts long after the season ends.

 

Links & Resources

• Get the full show notes and every link from this episode: https://thedadedge.com/1525
• Ready to stop feeling like roommates and start leading your marriage? Join the next Roommates to Soulmates cohort: https://thedadedge.com/soulmates
• Know a dad with a story worth sharing, or want to be on the show yourself? Apply to be a guest: https://thedadedge.com/guest

 

Closing

If you're a father in the middle of a season like the one Rich is walking through right now, please hear this: you don't have to have it figured out, and you don't have to do it alone. Get connected with people who know more than you do, keep showing up for the small, ordinary moments of connection, and trust that the fruit of your presence will show up even if you can't see it yet. Without connection, we have no influence, so lead with connection first, every time. Go out and live legendary.

If you or someone you know is struggling with thoughts of suicide, the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline is available 24/7 by calling or texting 988.