You Get Exactly The Marriage You Deserve (What If?)
Husband Help Haven Podcast: Marriage Advice for Men Facing Separation, Affair or Divorce
Release Date: 04/25/2025
You Get Exactly The Marriage You Deserve (What If?)
Husband Help Haven Podcast: Marriage Advice for Men Facing Separation, Affair or Divorce
What if the marriage you’re living is the exact marriage you deserve? I know—sounds harsh, right? But hang with me. In over ten years of coaching men through separation, I’ve learned that treating this “what-if” as true is the quickest way to spotlight the blind spots you're contributing to the breakdown of the relationship. Go to for a full episode overview. 00:00 Introduction 00:20 You Get The Marriage You Deserve... Sort of 01:00 Key to Uncovering Blind Spots 03:44 How to Use this "What If" 04:29 Am I Too Harsh on Husbands? 05:42 Why You Should Want This To Be True 08:17...
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How Good Couples End Up Divorced
Husband Help Haven Podcast: Marriage Advice for Men Facing Separation, Affair or Divorce
How do good, loving couples end up divorced? The short answer comes down to three key factors: Marriage on the Back Burner – You both get busy—maybe with a home remodel, new job, or family obligations—and assume it’s “just a season.” Meanwhile, the relationship gets less and less attention. Both Spouses Become Their Worst – Left untended, bad habits and unresolved stress start growing like weeds. You’re not pouring in the love, so complacency—and resentment—take root. An External Crisis Strikes – This might be a financial meltdown, a parent passing away, a milestone...
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3-Word Phrases Every Wife Needs To Hear
Husband Help Haven Podcast: Marriage Advice for Men Facing Separation, Affair or Divorce
Episode notes available at Do you need help reconnecting with your wife? Maybe you need to know some specific things to say to your wife to navigate the often-challenging conversations that happen during separation? Or maybe you just want some tips to be a better husband overall. In today's episode of the Husband Help Haven Podcast, I'm going to share some good ol' fashioned communication advice to help you build a better connection with your wife, whether you're happily married or in the thick of separation. As you listen, you'll learn about 8 different three-word...
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5 Reasons You Might Decide To Be Done Waiting For Your Wife
Husband Help Haven Podcast: Marriage Advice for Men Facing Separation, Affair or Divorce
Show notes and video for this episode can be found at How do you know when it really is time to be done waiting for your wife to come back? This is the other side of the question answered in the previous episode. As a pro-marriage optimist, please know that I'm rarely going to tell you to move on from your marriage, but in this episode I will share the reasons that I've seen other separated men make that decision for themselves. I will warn you, unlike the last episode, this one may not be very encouraging. But this is a real-life question that comes up regularly, especially...
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6 Reasons To Keep Waiting For Your Wife To Come Back
Husband Help Haven Podcast: Marriage Advice for Men Facing Separation, Affair or Divorce
Show notes and video available at Do you ever question if it's worth waiting for your wife to come back? Does it feel like your separation is dragging on indefinitely? We all need to be reminded sometimes why we do the things we do. This episode is for the men who are sick of being in no man's land, and need a pep talk to remember why they're still holding onto hope for their wife. When you're doubting whether it's worth it to keep going, I want this episode to be one that you can listen to and go, "Oh yeah, that's why I'm still waiting for my wife... That reason is worth...
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How Much Longer Until She Comes Back?
Husband Help Haven Podcast: Marriage Advice for Men Facing Separation, Affair or Divorce
"Stephen, I know you can't tell me an exact timeframe, but based on your experience, how much longer do you think this separation will last? How long 'til she comes back? How long til she pushes through the divorce?" I get this sort of question a lot, and I understand why. Separation is hard. Being able to have some reasonable expectation of how much road you have left to travel would help you set realistic expectations. Obviously I can't predict the future, but today I'm going to walk you through seven questions that you can ask yourself to help figure out how much longer your...
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Marcus Farris Shares His Journey Through Separation, Infidelity & Divorce
Husband Help Haven Podcast: Marriage Advice for Men Facing Separation, Affair or Divorce
Show notes for this episode at Not every story has a happy ending. Or maybe, the happy ending isn't always what we believe it will be. That's exactly the case for Marcus Farris, a former Peace & Control student who is now living on the other side of divorce. In today's episode, we sit down to talk honestly about what happened in his marriage, separation and divorce. He bares his heart and shares all his struggles and successes that he experienced on his journey through marriage crisis. Even though Marcus didn't end up saving his marriage, he is still every bit a success story in my book....
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From Friendship To Attraction Once She's Started Coming Back
Husband Help Haven Podcast: Marriage Advice for Men Facing Separation, Affair or Divorce
In the last episode, we talked about how to get out of your wife's friend zone when you're early in the separation... But what about when you're beginning to rebuild the marriage on the other side of separation? What do you do when your wife is starting to come back, but can't seem to get those pesky "feelings" back? That's the subject of this week's episode. We'll talk about developing an effective mindset to survive this phase of separation, and what you can do to lead the way from a genuinely renewed friendship with your wife back to a loving, happy marriage.
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How To Get Out Of Your Wife's "Friend Zone" During Separation
Husband Help Haven Podcast: Marriage Advice for Men Facing Separation, Affair or Divorce
"Stephen, my wife and I get along great, but she has no attraction to me. I think I'm stuck in her friend zone. What should I do?" This is the question we'll be answering on today's episode of the . I'll tell you right now, I don't particularly like the term "friend zone", but it's one that many separated men use when describing their current relationship with their wife. In this episode, I'll tell you why I don't like the term, what I think the actual problem is, and what you should do if you're in this position. Here are some of the topics we'll cover: When does this friend zone...
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Thankfulness During Separation - The Key To Waiting For Your Wife
Husband Help Haven Podcast: Marriage Advice for Men Facing Separation, Affair or Divorce
Thankfulness and marital separation seem like they'd go together about as well as oil and water... What could you possibly have to be thankful for when your life as you knew it has been thrown into upheaval? In this episode, we're going to talk about three things: Why thankfulness is important and how it will help you navigate separation better Specific things you can be thankful for, even when you're separated What you should do when gratitude feels impossible Whether you're celebrating Thanksgiving this week or not, gratitude is timeless and it has a direct relationship with how much...
info_outlineWhat if the marriage you’re living is the exact marriage you deserve? I know—sounds harsh, right? But hang with me. In over ten years of coaching men through separation, I’ve learned that treating this “what-if” as true is the quickest way to spotlight the blind spots you're contributing to the breakdown of the relationship.
Go to https://husbandhelphaven.com/episode-26 for a full episode overview.
00:00 Introduction
00:20 You Get The Marriage You Deserve... Sort of
01:00 Key to Uncovering Blind Spots
03:44 How to Use this "What If"
04:29 Am I Too Harsh on Husbands?
05:42 Why You Should Want This To Be True
08:17 Addressing The Peace Keepers
12:10 The Danger of Peacekeeping
14:22 Key Takeaways
16:11 If you remember one thing...
17:33 Moving Forward With Self-Awareness
“Stephen… isn’t that a little harsh?”
Yes, and it’s meant to jolt us awake. I’m not saying you deserve pain or betrayal. I’m asking you to imagine you might be a bigger part of the problem than you realize. I often see two typical reactions to this statement:
- “Nope, not me!” → usually indicates pride, unwillingness to self-examine.
- “Okay… maybe.” → usually indicates humility, openness to learn, far easier to coach.
The question forces healthy self-interrogation:
“What would I need to be blind to for this to be true?”
Why You Should Want This To Be True
- You have more power than you think – If your habits helped create the mess, your new habits can help clean it up.
- Divorce ≠ Automatic Fix – You can’t divorce yourself. Growth—not escape—is the thing that brings lasting change.
- Pride Shattered, Humility Unleashed – Humility and marital satisfaction rise (or fall) together. Most lessons in this series seek to help you do one of three things: Set aside ego, Consider your wife’s experience, Proactively do better—because there is better to do.
Big Takeaways You’ll Hear
- It’s not literally true you always get exactly what you deserve—but acting as if can uncover life-changing blind spots.
- Every marriage contains two flawed humans carrying baggage and ignorance. When those go unexamined, dissatisfaction skyrockets.
- “You don’t have a ceiling—you do have blind spots.” Deny that, and your best-possible marriage stays out of reach.