Cancer, loss, and grief – and why our condolences never feel like enough. with Kim Hamer

Loss is catastrophic. Nothing will fill the void left by a loved one, and there’s no quick fix for a broken heart. 

Loss can also be the catalyst for uncertainty. What will life look like, without that person that was so vital to our existence? Now that they’re gone, what will happen to the life we built with them? How will we manage, and who will we become? 

Kim Hamer found herself asking these questions thirteen years ago, when her husband passed away from cancer. Left to grieve, Kim had to support their three kids. She became a widow in a community full of wives. She had to reimagine her future – now without the man who was supposed to be her forever. 

Kim also had to field a catapult of condolences from everyone around her – all of which came from sympathy and kindness, but some of which left her feeling worse. 

When someone in our life – friend, family member, colleague, or client – is grieving their own tragedy, many of us find ourselves at a loss for how to help. What do we say to them, when we know that our words won’t fix anything? How can we offer support, and what should that support look like? 

In this episode, Kim shares how she helps people, communities, and companies process turbulence and loss. Kim acknowledges that when it comes to soothing someone in grief, we really are inadequate – even if we do all their grocery shopping for the month. But we can also be thoughtful. We can pay close attention and step in at the right moments. We can understand that we matter, and that there are authentic, memorable ways that we can support someone when their world is falling apart. 

Kim Hamer is the author of 100 Acts of Love: The Girlfriend’s Guide to Loving Your Friend Through Cancer or Loss. Find her on Linkedin and visit 100actsoflove/whatnottosay for a free download: Five Phrases Never to Say to Anyone with Cancer (and What to Say Instead). 

Like this episode? Share it around and write us a review.