695: Andy Stumpf - Leadership Lessons From SEAL Team Six, Discipline vs. Motivation, Team Guy vs. Navy SEAL, High Standards, and How To Be Drownproof

The Learning Leader Show with Ryan Hawk www.LearningLeader.com

Book - The Price of Becoming -- www.LearningLeader.com/Becoming

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My guest: Andy Stumpf is a retired Navy SEAL who spent 17 years on active duty, including assignments with one of the most elite special operations units in the U.S. military. He's a New York Times bestselling author. His newest book is Drownproof: Eight Life Lessons to Keep Your Head Above Water.

Key Learnings

"What you allow in your presence is your standard." It doesn't matter what your corporate ethos is. It doesn't matter what's tattooed on the wall behind you. If your actions don't align with your speech, it means nothing. Speech is debatable. Actions have impact.

You can control almost nothing in your life, but you can control the boundaries you set and your willingness to maintain them.

There's a difference between a SEAL and a team guy. A SEAL is there for the title and the individual journey. A team guy is there for the mission and the team. They wear the same uniform. From the outside, you can't tell them apart. Internally, everyone knows.

Andy would rather have a group of team guys than a group of SEALs. Your ability to accomplish unbelievable things is 100% aligned with what group of people you bring into your organization.

You'll get fooled in the interview process. People wear masks. That's just how it works. The reps come after. Set up consistent feedback. Bi-annual after-action reviews on performance and how they're showing up as a person.

80/20 the interview. Talk 20%. Make them talk 80%. The more they speak, the harder it is to keep the mask on.

Let people go faster, not slower. It's way easier to solve this problem six months in than six years in, when they've already catastrophically impacted the culture.

Drown-proofing is not an exercise in being drown-proof. It's an exercise in self-control. You bob up and down in a pool for an hour with your hands tied behind your back and your feet bound. If you panic, you sink. If you stay calm and control your breathing, you can do it indefinitely. The test occurs in the water, but it has almost nothing to do with the water itself.

The world is chaotic. That doesn't mean you have to be. When everything around you is going sideways, walk yourself back. What can I actually control? My breathing. My self-talk. My priorities. My next move.

The circle of influence vs. the circle of concern. Draw a line down the middle of a legal pad. On the left, write everything you're worried about, working on, occupied by. That column will be huge. On the right, write what you actually have direct control over. You'll only be able to write one thing: yourself.

The most effective leadership tool is mentorship. Andy's mentor Dave Hall gave him "just the perfect amount of rope to hang myself, and then maybe he'd help me get it around my neck just a little bit." Dave would let him fall short, then crush him, then sit there and facilitate what he needed to fill the gap.

A high standard is a finely sharpened blade. It can cut in both directions. Andy's mentor, Dave Hall, ultimately died by suicide. One reason Andy believes it happened is Dave couldn't hold himself to the same standard anymore, and it destroyed him. Have grace for yourself. Not every goal is worth your life.

Focus on post-traumatic growth, not post-traumatic stress. Trauma doesn't have to destroy you. If you take the time and energy to work your way through it, it can turn you into a better version of yourself.

Motivation can be outsourced. Discipline cannot. Motivation is like the tide. It comes in and out. Discipline is doing the things you need to do regardless of how you feel.

Win the micro-battles, not the war, in one fell swoop. If you try to attack 10 bad habits overnight, you'll fail. Pick one for a week. Build momentum. Stack days. You win the war via the micro-battles.

If you don't think of yourself as a leader, you'll never step into a leadership void. You'll tell yourself you're not the person. Not qualified. Not capable.

Stop treating leadership like the DMV. You don't show up at the window and challenge the test with no preparation. You crawl, walk, run. You practice. Every interaction is either a micro-deposit or a micro-withdrawal of leadership capital.

Sustained high performers master the basics. They make no attempt to be flashy. They make no attempt to gain 50 yards at a time. They'll do one yard 50 times in a row. If they see a real opportunity with managed risk, they'll go big. Otherwise, one yard. Over and over.

Andy's champagne moment a year from now: being there with the people he loves. "Would you rather have all the things you think you want in life and enjoy them by yourself? Or be surrounded by people who truly love you for who you are? I'm taking the latter every time."

Reflection Questions

• What are you allowing in your presence right now that contradicts the standard you say you hold? What's the cost of letting it continue?
• If you drew the line down the legal pad today, what would be in your concern column that shouldn't be? Where is your energy going to things you cannot control?

More Learning

#234: Jocko Willink - Why Discipline Equals Freedom

#363: Admiral William McRaven - The Bin Laden Raid, Saving Captain Phillips, & Leadership Lessons for Life

#633: General Stanley McChrystal - On Standard: Choices That Define a Life

Podcast Chapters

00:00 The Price of Becoming - Pre-Order Now! 

01:13 Meet Andy Stumpf 

02:45 "What You Allow in Your Presence Is Your Standard" 

04:30 What You Walk Past in Your Personal Life 

05:59 Why He Wanted to Be a Navy SEAL at 11 Years Old 

08:54 The Difference Between a SEAL and a Team Guy 

11:38 How to Hire Team Guys, Not SEALs 

16:34 The Story Behind Drownproof 

18:23 What Drownproofing Actually Is 

22:09 The Real Lesson Is Self-Control 

25:55 Getting Shot in Iraq 

30:38 Two Years of Rehab and the Return to Combat 

33:58 Learning to Be a SEAL from Dave Hall 

37:31 High Standards Are a Double-Edged Sword 

40:05 Post-Traumatic Growth, Not Just Post-Traumatic Stress 

42:45 Motivation Can Be Outsourced. Discipline Cannot. 

47:20 Win Small Battles, Not the War Overnight 

48:33 If You Don't See Yourself as a Leader, You Never Will 

51:29 How to Practice Leadership Every Day 

54:15 Getting Tricked Into Writing the Book 

55:48 The Joe Rogan Blurb on the Front Cover 

57:38 What the Best Leaders Have in Common 

59:03 The Champagne Question: Being With the People You Love 

01:03:53 EOPC