Attachment, Bonding & Cambodian Birthdays
Listening To Adoptees
“I think in society we should be asking everyone all the time “aren't you grateful to be alive?” Just in general. So I think it's unfair that society often spins a question on adoptees of that they need to have some sort of obligation to feel gratitude.” Meet Jordan “My name is Jordan. I was adopted from Cambodia. I'm a transracial adoptee, um, adopted by two moms. I use she/her pronouns and I identify as pansexual.” Here's some of what we talked about: Her early history of one of her adoptive moms passing away 7 months after her adoption. The separation anxiety that came from...
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Rooting Your Boundaries
Listening To Adoptees
Shownotes: “You don't always know what your boundaries are until they're pushed or until they're questioned. And often you're still learning if you're even allowed to set a boundary. Because there's that whole notion of well, once you're here, you're kind of like on other people's terms.” Meet Svetlana. "I was adopted from Russia when I was six and a half in a closed adoption. I'm a preschool teacher full-time during the day and I do life coaching on the side." Here's some of what we talked about: Why adoption anniversary "celebrations" can be painful for adoptees Setting boundaries...
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Make Change Now feat. Isaac
Listening To Adoptees
“I'm Black in the Mumford And Sons moments and I'm Black in the Kendrick Lamar moments and I guess it's not as much of this badge that I have to show anymore.” Meet Isaac. "I'm the founder of Etter Consulting. We specifically consult around transracial adoption, including consultation with adoption agencies. We do a lot to reform adoption within the system. I'm a queer Black man, a father, an activist, and all the fun things." Here's some of what we talked about: How Etter Consulting started from his personal experiences as a transracial adoptee His work with young activists to help them...
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Love Yourself & F Everyone Who Doesn't
Listening To Adoptees
Meet Garrett, a Black, transracial adoptee within a domestic open adoption. Garrett's adoptive parents are white. "You Can't Live Your Kid's Life" "I don't care what other people think about me because I love myself. If you're gonna love me for who I am, you can come onto my ship and we can ride it together." Here's some of what we talked about: His realization that he could be totally himself and stop pleasing others. His answer to people who say "you're parents didn't want you." His feelings about his birth family How to handle your teenager Why you have to let your kids find who they are...
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Two Adoptees Uncensored
Listening To Adoptees
Shownotes: Meet Christopher: "I use he/him/his pronouns. I identify as a queer transracial adoptee. I was born in Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam, formerly known as Saigon, Vietnam. I was adopted from Vietnam when I was about a year old. I grew up in Sacramento, California. I was adopted by a white family and raised in a predominantly white community." "We don't walk around with like a sign over our heads that says 'I'm adopted'....The adoptee identity is an invisible identity." Here's some of what we talked about: Developing his racial identity and his adoptee identity Finding language to...
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My Birth Father Was A Facebook Search Away
Listening To Adoptees
Meet Olivia, a transracial adoptee who identifies as Black, specifically Jamaican, bisexual, and sis female. She lives with her two white moms and little sister who who is also Black. One of her moms is also an adoptee. "I went from no birth father connection to all of it in less than 24 hours." "One of my favorite parts of adoption is that my parents can't pass on some of their bullshit to me as their parents passed on to them....there's no genetic anything happening in my family, so we all have our own journey." Here's some of what we talked about: Growing up in Maine and then Oakland,...
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Racism And Racial Reconciliation
Listening To Adoptees
Meet Katelyn (our guest AND cohost!) I'm an international adoptee from ZhuZhou, Hunan Province, China, and I'm both the same race and interracial adoptee. I identify as a cisgender, heterosexual woman, and I'm also a follower of Jesus and Christian and I currently work at USF as a college counselor. When I'm not doing that I’m thinking about adoption, talking about adoption, journaling, and running to the beach. "I think when white parents or any parents adopt outside of their race, you are not only adopting that singular child, but actually in an ideal world you're actually kind of adopting...
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Feeling Expendable in the System
Listening To Adoptees
Meet Shawn, an alum of the foster system who is also a kinship adoptive parent. Shawn identifies as Black and male. He lives with his fiancee and his nephew "What it's like to be a foster child? The word I like to use is EXPENDABLE." "That's when shit just started to hit me. I'm no longer part of my family right now. I'm state property." Here's some of what we talked about: Moving from California to South Carolina to live with his aunt Entering the foster care system at age 12 Living with his first foster parents and feeling like a lego piece that doesn't fit Living with his second foster...
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Put Your Shit Aside with Oliver
Listening To Adoptees
Meet Oliver Jennings, an African-American man, adopted at 22 months, into a same-race adoption with a single mother. He's also a new father. "You gotta put your shit aside. It's not about how you feel, and them reaching out to their parents isn't because of something that you lack. There's a natural draw to want to know what's going on and where they come from and that's not because you've done anything wrong or because you lack as a parent or because you've done anything incorrect." Here's some of what we talked about: His experience as a same-race adoptee Grappling with the narrative that...
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Adoptees Must Be Centered Starting Now
Listening To Adoptees
Welcome to our new podcast, Listening To Adoptees. We’re your hosts. I’m Katelyn, I’m Asian American, cis female, I go by she/her/hers and I’m a transracial and same race international adoptee from China and identify as a follower of Jesus! I’m Annie. I am white, cis female, I go by she or they, I’m queer, and I’m the parent of one child through transracial adoption and one through birth. Listening to Adoptees is a podcast for everyone in the adoption constellation: adoptees, adoptive parents, birth or first or biological parents, siblings, friends, extended family and allies...
info_outlineMeet Shawn, an alum of the foster system who is also a kinship adoptive parent. Shawn identifies as Black and male. He lives with his fiancee and his nephew
"What it's like to be a foster child? The word I like to use is EXPENDABLE."
"That's when shit just started to hit me. I'm no longer part of my family right now. I'm state property."
Here's some of what we talked about:
- Moving from California to South Carolina to live with his aunt
- Entering the foster care system at age 12
- Living with his first foster parents and feeling like a lego piece that doesn't fit
- Living with his second foster parent, Rose, who is still his mother to this day
- Learning about unconditional love
- Sharing that unconditional love with his nephew who he adopted
- Wisdom and honesty for adoptive and foster parents
Annie's take-aways for adoptive parents:
- Patience with our kids is key. Our children's behavior comes from many complicated places. We need to stay steady.
- If we're asking whether we're doing enough, that's a good sign.
Katelyn's take-aways for adoptees:
- You are loved and you are inherently worthy of love.
- Shawn's relationship with Rose stuck out for me. Life with Rose meant belonging and acceptance, but due to past trauma, he still he rejected her as a teenager. There are layers of trauma to our experience as adoptees.
Resources we talked about:
The Primal Wound By Nancy Verrier
Shownotes at https://www.listeningtoadoptees.com/episodes/3