Attachment, Bonding & Cambodian Birthdays
Listening To Adoptees
“I think in society we should be asking everyone all the time “aren't you grateful to be alive?” Just in general. So I think it's unfair that society often spins a question on adoptees of that they need to have some sort of obligation to feel gratitude.” Meet Jordan “My name is Jordan. I was adopted from Cambodia. I'm a transracial adoptee, um, adopted by two moms. I use she/her pronouns and I identify as pansexual.” Here's some of what we talked about: Her early history of one of her adoptive moms passing away 7 months after her adoption. The separation anxiety that came from...
info_outline
Rooting Your Boundaries
Listening To Adoptees
Shownotes: “You don't always know what your boundaries are until they're pushed or until they're questioned. And often you're still learning if you're even allowed to set a boundary. Because there's that whole notion of well, once you're here, you're kind of like on other people's terms.” Meet Svetlana. "I was adopted from Russia when I was six and a half in a closed adoption. I'm a preschool teacher full-time during the day and I do life coaching on the side." Here's some of what we talked about: Why adoption anniversary "celebrations" can be painful for adoptees Setting boundaries...
info_outline
Make Change Now feat. Isaac
Listening To Adoptees
“I'm Black in the Mumford And Sons moments and I'm Black in the Kendrick Lamar moments and I guess it's not as much of this badge that I have to show anymore.” Meet Isaac. "I'm the founder of Etter Consulting. We specifically consult around transracial adoption, including consultation with adoption agencies. We do a lot to reform adoption within the system. I'm a queer Black man, a father, an activist, and all the fun things." Here's some of what we talked about: How Etter Consulting started from his personal experiences as a transracial adoptee His work with young activists to help them...
info_outline
Love Yourself & F Everyone Who Doesn't
Listening To Adoptees
Meet Garrett, a Black, transracial adoptee within a domestic open adoption. Garrett's adoptive parents are white. "You Can't Live Your Kid's Life" "I don't care what other people think about me because I love myself. If you're gonna love me for who I am, you can come onto my ship and we can ride it together." Here's some of what we talked about: His realization that he could be totally himself and stop pleasing others. His answer to people who say "you're parents didn't want you." His feelings about his birth family How to handle your teenager Why you have to let your kids find who they are...
info_outline
Two Adoptees Uncensored
Listening To Adoptees
Shownotes: Meet Christopher: "I use he/him/his pronouns. I identify as a queer transracial adoptee. I was born in Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam, formerly known as Saigon, Vietnam. I was adopted from Vietnam when I was about a year old. I grew up in Sacramento, California. I was adopted by a white family and raised in a predominantly white community." "We don't walk around with like a sign over our heads that says 'I'm adopted'....The adoptee identity is an invisible identity." Here's some of what we talked about: Developing his racial identity and his adoptee identity Finding language to...
info_outline
My Birth Father Was A Facebook Search Away
Listening To Adoptees
Meet Olivia, a transracial adoptee who identifies as Black, specifically Jamaican, bisexual, and sis female. She lives with her two white moms and little sister who who is also Black. One of her moms is also an adoptee. "I went from no birth father connection to all of it in less than 24 hours." "One of my favorite parts of adoption is that my parents can't pass on some of their bullshit to me as their parents passed on to them....there's no genetic anything happening in my family, so we all have our own journey." Here's some of what we talked about: Growing up in Maine and then Oakland,...
info_outline
Racism And Racial Reconciliation
Listening To Adoptees
Meet Katelyn (our guest AND cohost!) I'm an international adoptee from ZhuZhou, Hunan Province, China, and I'm both the same race and interracial adoptee. I identify as a cisgender, heterosexual woman, and I'm also a follower of Jesus and Christian and I currently work at USF as a college counselor. When I'm not doing that I’m thinking about adoption, talking about adoption, journaling, and running to the beach. "I think when white parents or any parents adopt outside of their race, you are not only adopting that singular child, but actually in an ideal world you're actually kind of adopting...
info_outline
Feeling Expendable in the System
Listening To Adoptees
Meet Shawn, an alum of the foster system who is also a kinship adoptive parent. Shawn identifies as Black and male. He lives with his fiancee and his nephew "What it's like to be a foster child? The word I like to use is EXPENDABLE." "That's when shit just started to hit me. I'm no longer part of my family right now. I'm state property." Here's some of what we talked about: Moving from California to South Carolina to live with his aunt Entering the foster care system at age 12 Living with his first foster parents and feeling like a lego piece that doesn't fit Living with his second foster...
info_outline
Put Your Shit Aside with Oliver
Listening To Adoptees
Meet Oliver Jennings, an African-American man, adopted at 22 months, into a same-race adoption with a single mother. He's also a new father. "You gotta put your shit aside. It's not about how you feel, and them reaching out to their parents isn't because of something that you lack. There's a natural draw to want to know what's going on and where they come from and that's not because you've done anything wrong or because you lack as a parent or because you've done anything incorrect." Here's some of what we talked about: His experience as a same-race adoptee Grappling with the narrative that...
info_outline
Adoptees Must Be Centered Starting Now
Listening To Adoptees
Welcome to our new podcast, Listening To Adoptees. We’re your hosts. I’m Katelyn, I’m Asian American, cis female, I go by she/her/hers and I’m a transracial and same race international adoptee from China and identify as a follower of Jesus! I’m Annie. I am white, cis female, I go by she or they, I’m queer, and I’m the parent of one child through transracial adoption and one through birth. Listening to Adoptees is a podcast for everyone in the adoption constellation: adoptees, adoptive parents, birth or first or biological parents, siblings, friends, extended family and allies...
info_outline“I'm Black in the Mumford And Sons moments and I'm Black in the Kendrick Lamar moments and I guess it's not as much of this badge that I have to show anymore.”
Meet Isaac.
"I'm the founder of Etter Consulting. We specifically consult around transracial adoption, including consultation with adoption agencies. We do a lot to reform adoption within the system. I'm a queer Black man, a father, an activist, and all the fun things."
Here's some of what we talked about:
- How Etter Consulting started from his personal experiences as a transracial adoptee
- His work with young activists to help them create the change they want to see in the world
- Discovering racism on Tumblr when he was 16 and how he processed his thoughts and feelings while living in a white community
- Becoming an activist
- Working with Black kids as a camp counsellor and learning from his experiences with them
- Finding ways to enter activism in a grounded way
- His practices to care for his body and emotions
- Developing a relationship with his birth mother
- The keys to Etter Consulting's impact
- Getting people to open up to real change in his talks
- Helping his participants get to the implementation phase.
Annie's take-aways for adoptive parents:
- I heard how adoptees need to be really listening to their bodies and emotions. And that's something as a parent that I can encourage in my kid. I heard the examples of ways to do that being journaling, physical activity (in his case basketball) and meditation. I also want to model those things, because I think we have an easier time doing those things if we see our parents doing them.
- I heard how coming out of the adoption bubble of childhood brings a new layer of challenges and complicated moments. It's so helpful to know that and to be able to anticipate that.
- I also got the book Isaac mentioned: Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew. Since it impacted him so much that told me it was worth reading. It's got some gems in it which we can talk about more at some point.
Katelyn's take-aways for adoptees:
- I want to encourage adoptees who have been displaced from your community to look to internal validation for your identity. Before entering activism, pay attention to what is going on inside.
- It's important for adoptees to find other adoptees they can share their stories with and feel really seen and heard and validated.
Resources Discussed:
Book: Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew by Sherrie Eldridge
Adoptee Influencers who inspire Isaac: