Stress Reduction Using Mindfulness

Welcome to this podcast series where I’ll be talking about the transformative power of mindfulness...in a practical way.  What is it and how do we actually use it? It’s a topic that’s near and dear to my heart because I’ve seen how powerful it changes the lives of my clients and certainly has my own as well.  Today I’ll be defining mindfulness and describing how it can be used to reduce stress through a 4 step process:

1. Observing how we hold stress physically
2. Attending to our physical symptoms
3. Noticing our thoughts and feelings
4. Caring for our self-limiting beliefs, like perfectionism

So let’s get started...What is Mindfulness?

I describe mindfulness as a state of awareness in the present moment, with curiosity instead of judgment.  It’s kind of like an unfiltered mirror that shows us EXACTLY what’s going on AS it’s going on, IN the here and now and most importantly WITHOUT all the noise and judgements that we so often have. When we slow down and observe whatever’s happening NOW, from a place of neutrality, objectivity or even compassion, then we can see more clearly what’s going on and respond differently to our environment.  When we’re being mindful, we can feel a greater sense of freedom to engage with whatever’s happening from a more authentic place.

Thankfully, a natural byproduct of mindfulness is that we’re more kind and more compassionate with ourselves and with others...something that is SORELY missing in today’s political climate.

Stress Reduction

Let me illustrate this by taking you through an example of using mindfulness with stress.

EXAMPLE:  Deadline @ Work

A frequent complaint I hear about AND certainly experience myself at times, is the EVER increasing volume of work and obligations we have in our job, and the increasing stress that comes with that.

So let’s imagine that you’re in the thick of things, mid-day, and you’re just freaking out — you have a deadline at the end of your work day and you feel way behind where you were hoping to be.

Instead of going on auto-pilot — maybe working too fast and missing things, or the reverse, where you’re procrastinating or completely immobilized — we might, instead, take 5 minutes to practice mindfulness...to recalibrate.

1.  BEGIN:  How We Hold Stress Physically

A helpful place to start being mindful when we’re anxious is first to just notice what’s happening in our body as it is right now, without necessarily trying to change anything about it.  Are we holding tension in our shoulders or neck? Do we feel sick to our stomach from the stress? Do we have restricted shallow breathing? A lot of us hold anxiety in various parts of our body.  BEING mindful, we allow space for whatever it is that we discover, without the judgements of what’s right or what’s wrong...simply observing from a place of curiosity where things are at.

2.  TRANSFORM STRESS:  Attending to Physical Symptoms

Once we’ve observed what’s going on for us physically, to reduce stress we can begin to attend to what we find in a caring way.  Maybe we decide to take a deeper breath, relax our shoulders, or get into a more comfortable posture. Maybe we notice we need some food to fuel and sustain our energy.  

We may notice that the intensity of our stress changes as we respond.  As we attend to this mindfully, we can lean into whatever natural spontaneous reaction is happening, without overindulging in it AND without ignoring or denying it exists.  We simply pay attention non-judgmentally and we learn how we hold anxiety. With practice we can learn how to self-regulate our stress so that we’re having enough of this alert energy to perform at our best, without it derailing us in the process.

3.  BEGIN:  Notice Thoughts & Feelings Related to Anxiety

Next, using mindfulness to reduce stress, it’s useful to observe our thoughts and feelings in the present moment, again...nonjudgmentally.  We notice whatever is there from a place of curiosity, which naturally gives us more space to see what’s going on and how we’re making meaning of it all.  

In this example, we may notice a feeling of fear when we imagine not meeting our deadline.  As we observe and feel this fear in a more neutral way, it may connect to a thought — a memory of when we were invalidated or even shamed for not performing at our best.  

As we recall this memory, and all the feelings that are associated with it, we may notice that we unconsciously or otherwise, created a defense mechanism to protect us from re-experiencing that kind of pain and discomfort.  Maybe we came to believe that in order to be liked, valued or attended to we needed to be perfect. We learned to set very high and often unattainable expectations of ourselves to avoid shame and to get our needs met. With mindfulness we may come face-to-face with our own perfectionism, something that fuels our anxiety and feeling of being overwhelmed.

4.  TRANSFORM STRESS:  Attend to Perfectionism

As we get to know this defense, it’s important not to judge ourselves for it.  We can so easily get stuck in a loop, of judging the judgements of our judgements.  At some point, we need to step back and notice how this is just pouring salt on a gaping long-standing wound.  Instead we can recognize how it benefited us along with how it limits us. Both are important to recognize...separating out the facts from the judgements.  

As a therapist, I’m continually amazed at the brilliance of our defense mechanisms and ways that we try to protect ourselves AND get other needs met.  And we can also recognize when they no longer serve us or when we apply them too much of the time when they’re not as useful.

With mindfulness we can increase our awareness of what our stress is connected to...in this example the desire to be valued...to be loved...and the self-limiting beliefs that come along with it...our own perfectionism.

Once we notice the noise of our thoughts, feelings, memories and self-limiting beliefs, we can then treat ourselves like we would a best friend when THEY’RE feeling down or insecure.

We can better find a place of “good enough” or even “excellence” but NOT “perfection”.  We can make mistakes and learn from them. When we recognize and really FEEL our inherent worth and value, we’re less reactive and more responsive to the tasks ahead.

We’re now more able to have a moderate amount of stress that can give us the energy to work at our best to meet our deadline.

BENEFITS:  Stress Reduction

After this 5 minute break at work to get to know ourselves, and to attend to what we find in a curious and compassionate way...we re-calibrate.  

So...mindfulness gives us a greater ability for clarity, calm, creativity, productivity, concentration and more self-compassion as it relates to this example.

So again, mindfulness is being present with your experience, curious and without judgement.

The 4 step process is:

1. Observing how we hold stress physically
2. Attending to our physical symptoms
3. Noticing our thoughts and feelings
4. Caring for our self-limiting beliefs, like perfectionism

If you want to see my blog post on this topic, with a helpful graphic that visually describes this process, you can go to www.livingmorefully.com/mindfulness In future episodes of this series, I’ll be applying the tool of mindfulness to breaking self-destructive habits, like yoyo dieting, creating better relationships by improving your communication skills, and I’ll also take you through 2 guided mindfulness meditations.  You can access all of these podcasts, on multiple platforms, by going to my website at www.livingmorefully.com.  Take good care.