Why Smart, Successful People Struggle to Make Life's Biggest Decisions
Release Date: 12/20/2024
#43: Why No State Has a 'Right to Exist' and Why That Matters for You
Beyond Success
The “right to exist” is a common myth used to justify aggression, destruction, and death. But states aren’t people. Structures rise and fall all the time. And using this argument to justify the actions of a state is misleading at best, and downright evil at worst. And yet… people make a similar faulty argument in their own lives all the time. This is especially true if you have a leadership position: A founder clings to a vision that no longer works. A CEO resists a restructuring that could save the company. A parent refuses to see their child's independence as growth and not...
info_outline
#42: Emotional Strength Isn’t Built by Crushing Your Feelings
Beyond Success
The trickiest part about healing your inner world is learning to figure out the difference between self-help schticks and true healing. They are often confused with each other - especially by high achievers. And the cost you pay for mixing them up is hefty. Like, for example: * Striving for more and more success even when it feels empty * Sabotaging your relationships at home and at work * Developing a severe case of burnout, numbness, and depression And worst of all: * Tricking yourself into thinking you’re growing when you’re really building more...
info_outline
#41: The High Cost of Hiding Your True Emotions
Beyond Success
Many high achievers treat vulnerability as if it’s a four-letter word. And it’s easy to understand why: they’ve been told leaders must keep their emotions in check, and be level-headed and strong in the face of challenges. But the misunderstandings about vulnerability aren’t just unfortunate, they’re devastating. Because they lead to people going numb to their feelings and relationships, all while convincing themselves they’re doing the right thing. In this episode I’m going to cut through the fog and show you what vulnerability really looks like. I’ll explain how vulnerability...
info_outline
#40: You’ve Been Lied to About What It Means To Be Emotionally Strong
Beyond Success
Almost everything you’ve learned about emotional “strength” is not only a flat-out lie, but completely backwards. Toughing it out, staying in control, never letting others see you sweat - these aren’t signs of emotional strength, but emotional blindness. And emotional blindness comes with a steep cost that nobody deserves to pay: It leaves you empty, unfulfilled (even after milestone achievements), and depressed. Why? Because the old way of being emotionally strong is really fear in disguise. And fear is the ultimate mind-killer. That’s the bad news. The...
info_outline
#39: The Human Shield Excuse: Why Goodness Dies When We Stop Taking Responsibility
Beyond Success
Let’s stop pretending this is just a problem for soldiers and politicians. The “human shields excuse” isn’t just some abstract wartime tactic—it’s the same twisted reasoning people use every day to justify hurting others, dodging accountability, or compromising their integrity. It’s what lets you blow up a relationship and blame the other person for making you do it. It’s how you rationalize crossing a line—then sleep at night because technically, it wasn’t your fault. In war, this excuse gets innocent people killed. In your life, it’s killing your peace of mind,...
info_outline
#38: Success Doesn't Heal Shame: Why the Hustle Kills Emotional Strength
Beyond Success
Too many people are numb to life, unable to enjoy themselves and their relationships even if they’ve achieved great things. The real problem isn’t intelligence, skill, or drive. It’s a failure to process emotions properly because they’ve lost the ability to use their “heart-mind.” Sadly, most of us have been subtly conditioned to not even know we’re approaching this all wrong. Thankfully, you can learn how to regain clarity of your heart-mind. And once you do, and stick with it, the results are astounding. In today’s episode, I’ll share three key ideas about your...
info_outline
#37: The Books That Helped Me Stop Proving Myself and Start Living for Real
Beyond Success
The Achiever’s Curse is a deadly one. It starts subtle at first. But left unchecked long enough, it seeps into every aspect of your life, stealing joy and fulfillment every step of the way. Too many achievers don’t realize this insidious curse until they feel the intense pangs of regret on their deathbed. Far too late, in other words. I want to help you avoid this terrible fate… I have read well over 1,000 books in my life - spanning across psychology, philosophy, leadership, business, religion, spirituality, personal growth, and more. Most of them were interesting. A...
info_outline
#36: The Hidden Reason Smart People Make Terrible Life Decisions
Beyond Success
Perhaps the most important skill an intelligent person can learn is the Dao of Decision Making. Making tough, high-stakes decisions doesn’t come naturally to high achievers because they’ve been fooled into valuing their intelligence more than their emotions. But every decision has its roots in emotions… and relying solely on logic and data for these decisions is a quick way to make a decision that wrecks your marriage, your internal harmony, and even your future fulfillment. In other words, there is a better way to access the deep kind of wisdom that makes the answer to...
info_outline
#35: The Silent Way Emotional Avoidance Destroys Success
Beyond Success
High achievers are vulnerable to emotional avoidance. It’s subtle, sneaky, and seductive. It tricks you into thinking you’re making progress or crushing goals. But when everything feels flat - no matter how big the accomplishment - it’s a sign that you’re under the spell of emotional avoidance. And emotional avoidance comes with a devastating cost: Losing the entire gamut of your emotions. That might sound alluring at first, until you realize the full cost. It’s not just mental, but physical too. In fact, it could put you in the ground long before your time. But...
info_outline
#34: Why Smart, Driven People Struggle Emotionally (& How to Finally Break Free)
Beyond Success
Most high achievers learned at a young age that emotions were distractions. This early lesson inspired much of their success… but it came at a terrible cost: It develops emotional blindspots that quietly, patiently, and relentlessly sabotage you. Here’s the thing about emotional blindspots: No matter how much you try to stuff them down and pretend they don’t exist, they don’t simply disappear. Instead, they move underground. They become sneakier. More insidious. And more sabotaging. Worst part? There’s only one way to address your emotional blindspots in a way that...
info_outlineDo you struggle making tough decisions because indecision is easier? While this is something everyone confronts at one point or another, it comes with a steep cost:
While indecision might feel like it provides relief in the short term, it eventually erodes your confidence, your relationships, and your ability to lead. It also creates a ripple effect that extends to every other aspect of your life.
Worst part?
Indecision is a slow poison and you might not realize the sabotaging effects it has immediately. In fact, it’s common to only realize its effects until it’s too late: After you’re served divorce papers, get laid off from your job, or realize you hate the life you’ve created for yourself.
But it doesn't have to be this way. There are three key steps to becoming more decisive, so you can avoid the gut-wrenching pain that always comes with indecision.
And by the end of this episode, you’ll know exactly how to do this.
Listen now.
Show Highlights Include:
- This “invisible power” is your most valuable tool for creating the life you want (2:18)
- The single biggest mistake you’re making in your relationship that leads to regret, resentment, stagnation, and breaking up (3:13)
- How imperfect and even downright incorrect decisions are better for your mental health, career, and marriage than avoiding decisions (4:52)
- Why “keeping the peace” in your relationship is a surefire way to get handed divorce papers (8:10)
- 3 ways to hone “Radical Responsibility” that allow you to take full control over your relationships, career, and life (10:31)
- The insidious "Death Anxiety” trap many people fall into that slowly poisons their fulfillment of life (and how to overcome this psychological fear) (14:15)
For more about David Tian, go here:
https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/
Emotional Mastery is David Tian's step-by-step system to transform, regulate, and control your emotions... so that you can master yourself, your interactions with others, and your relationships... and live a life worth living. Learn more here:
https://www.davidtianphd.com/emotionalmastery