#42: Emotional Strength Isn’t Built by Crushing Your Feelings
Release Date: 06/27/2025
#63: Why Success Can't Heal Emotional Wounds (& What Actually Does)
Beyond Success
Some children grow up in war zones, sleeping in shelters, surrounded by danger. Others grow up in mansions with trust funds. Yet the research is clear: The first group often becomes more grounded, courageous, and emotionally stable… while the second group can grow into anxious, brittle adults who look successful but feel empty inside. The difference isn’t money. It’s presence. A loving, attuned caregiver gives a child the kind of presence their brain depends on — warm eyes, soothing tone, patient listening, and consistent comfort. And when that emotional presence is missing, the impact...
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#62: Why Evil Seems To Win (And What To Do About It)
Beyond Success
It’s easy to look at some of the biggest villains in history (both real and fictional) and assume that they were evil incarnate. It’s easy because it frees you from the burden that you could become just like them. But pure evil doesn’t exist. In fact, so much of the evil you see in the world is just pain that’s been unexamined and unhealed, and then unleashed on others. That’s why history is riddled with the oppressed overcoming the oppressors and then doing the exact things the oppressors did to them to others. This doesn’t only happen in politics or wars. It happens...
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#61: Why Sexual Freedom Isn't Immorality — It’s Integrity
Beyond Success
Most people say they support sexual freedom. But when a woman—or man—actually lives it… they turn on them. Judgment. Outrage. Moral panic. So here’s the real question: “Can you be sexually free and morally good?” And if you can, why does it trigger so much shame in others? In this episode, I trace the ancient roots of sexual repression—from the kings and empires that hoarded mating opportunities, to the purity codes that disguised control as virtue. We’ll explore how sexual shame became moralized, why it still lingers even in our “modern” world, and what it means to live...
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#60: The Truth About Connection: Why Success Feels Empty Without It
Beyond Success
Ambitious people fall into a trap: You’ve learned from a young age that achievement means love, and so, you chase achievement and other external markers of success only to realize the gnawing void is still there. Most think their childhood patterns will get dissolved by father time. But the truth is, these patterns adapt to your knowledge, and become masters of disguising themselves.Take, for example, the seductive idea of independence. For ambitious men, independence is really isolation in disguise, which leads to deep loneliness (even if you have an attractive wife, thousands of...
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#59: Why Being Yourself Feels Unsafe (But Why It's Necessary for Happiness)
Beyond Success
Most people spend their lives performing. Pretending to be who they think they should be — polished, composed, and never too much. But underneath, they feel like frauds. Because the parts of themselves they’ve hidden — the anger, the neediness, the shame — are still alive, whispering, “If they really knew you, they’d leave.” That’s why being yourself feels unsafe. Every instinct screams that honesty will cost you love, success, and belonging. So you hide behind competence, humor, or charm. You keep the mask on. And maybe it even works — for a while. But here’s the problem:...
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#58: Why Manipulation Always Backfires (& Authenticity Wins In The End)
Beyond Success
There is a seductive and destructive lie many people fall into: Learn the best tricks and gimmicks and you can have complete control over your relationships - romantic and business. It’s so seductive because it promises control and success, but it’s even more destructive because it delivers fear instead of control and breeds insecurity instead of success. Worst part? These tricks and tactics work in the short-term, but they come with a mighty hidden cost: You slowly erode your self-confidence and self-respect - two necessary ingredients for happiness and fulfillment. But...
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#57: How Deep-Rooted Sexual Shame Cripples Connection & Creates Conflict
Beyond Success
In pickup artist culture, men see women’s natural defenses as tests and shields. Pass these “shit tests” and break through her “bitch shields,” and you win her love and affection. But women aren’t sitting around scheming elaborate tests or plotting shields. They're responding to lived experiences, not imagined battle plans. That’s why these pickup artist tricks, while they can work in the short-term, never result in lasting love and connection. They’re based on lies, drenched in sexual shame, and actively work against your goals of lasting connection. The...
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#56: The Moral Case for Ethical Seduction & Why It’s Necessary for Connection
Beyond Success
There are two strategies men deploy when they’re dating, but insecure. Either they try the “Nice Guy” approach or its opposite, the pickup artist approach. But even though these strategies are polar opposites, they suffer the same moral flaw of concealment. Whenever you put on a mask over yourself, you sever the possibility of authentic connection. The solution? Ethical seduction based on radical transparency. This way sounds harder because it is: It requires you to be honest with yourself and the person you’re attracting. It’s also scarier because you face the real risk...
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#55: Stop Hiding: How to Turn Guilt Into Growth (Without Shame Dragging You Down)
Beyond Success
What do you do after you fall short of your values? If you’re like most of us, you deflect, you hide, and you collapse into toxic shame that severs your self-trust and self-respect. But there’s another way to deal with your failures that can actually improve your relationship with yourself and others. This other way? Acknowledging healthy guilt without falling into the seductive trap of toxic shame. It’s not as easy as letting yourself wallow in self-pity - but it’s worth it in the long-term. In today’s show, you’ll discover the difference between...
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#54: Why Your Dark Side Isn't the Enemy—It's What Can Save You
Beyond Success
Most people walk around fighting an invisible war inside themselves. On the outside, they play the part of the “good person.” But behind the mask lurk the emotions they’ve been told are unacceptable—envy, lust, anger, cruelty, shame. In families, in religions, in schools, the lesson was drilled in: don’t show that side of yourself. So those parts get buried. But buried parts don’t disappear. They fester. They leak out as addictions, compulsions, betrayals, and self-sabotage. And the harder you try to repress them, the more control they end up having over your life. Here’s the...
info_outlineThe trickiest part about healing your inner world is learning to figure out the difference between self-help schticks and true healing. They are often confused with each other - especially by high achievers.
And the cost you pay for mixing them up is hefty.
Like, for example:
* Striving for more and more success even when it feels empty
* Sabotaging your relationships at home and at work
* Developing a severe case of burnout, numbness, and depression
And worst of all:
* Tricking yourself into thinking you’re growing when you’re really building more emotional armor that will forever keep deep fulfillment from your grasp.
Here’s the truth: More productivity hacks, more pressure, and more control won’t help you integrate. It’s a form of suffocation for parts you label as bad or weak or needy. But they don’t disappear, they wait until you're at your most vulnerable, then they attack.
The solution isn’t to try harder or to fix yourself. It’s to recognize the positive intentions of even your “worst” parts, integrate them, and lead them. It’s easier said than done, but nothing gives you a deeper sense of fulfillment in every aspect of your life.
If you feel like you’re broken or something’s missing, listen now.
Show Highlights Include:
- Why most high achievers develop a split personality that quietly leads to burnout, angst, and depression (2:10)
- How to interpret the positive intentions of your “problematic” parts like the people pleaser, the critic, and the procrastinator (4:12)
- How to make your relationships feel safer, your work feel more meaningful, and to better handle stress when it attacks by refusing to war against yourself (4:50)
- The “GROW” secret for becoming the most clear, calm, and confident version of yourself possible (5:53)
- The insidious “P-word” that slowly creeps into your emotional world, filling you with an overwhelming sense of numbness and disconnection (8:52)
- Why your ability to solve problems leaves you emotionally bankrupt (and how to become comfortable “sitting” with problems instead of rushing to solve them) (11:17)
For more about David Tian, go here:
https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/
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