The Dating Lies You've Been Sold (And Why They're Keeping You Single)
Release Date: 02/07/2025
#63: Why Success Can't Heal Emotional Wounds (& What Actually Does)
Beyond Success
Some children grow up in war zones, sleeping in shelters, surrounded by danger. Others grow up in mansions with trust funds. Yet the research is clear: The first group often becomes more grounded, courageous, and emotionally stable… while the second group can grow into anxious, brittle adults who look successful but feel empty inside. The difference isn’t money. It’s presence. A loving, attuned caregiver gives a child the kind of presence their brain depends on — warm eyes, soothing tone, patient listening, and consistent comfort. And when that emotional presence is missing, the impact...
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#62: Why Evil Seems To Win (And What To Do About It)
Beyond Success
It’s easy to look at some of the biggest villains in history (both real and fictional) and assume that they were evil incarnate. It’s easy because it frees you from the burden that you could become just like them. But pure evil doesn’t exist. In fact, so much of the evil you see in the world is just pain that’s been unexamined and unhealed, and then unleashed on others. That’s why history is riddled with the oppressed overcoming the oppressors and then doing the exact things the oppressors did to them to others. This doesn’t only happen in politics or wars. It happens...
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#61: Why Sexual Freedom Isn't Immorality — It’s Integrity
Beyond Success
Most people say they support sexual freedom. But when a woman—or man—actually lives it… they turn on them. Judgment. Outrage. Moral panic. So here’s the real question: “Can you be sexually free and morally good?” And if you can, why does it trigger so much shame in others? In this episode, I trace the ancient roots of sexual repression—from the kings and empires that hoarded mating opportunities, to the purity codes that disguised control as virtue. We’ll explore how sexual shame became moralized, why it still lingers even in our “modern” world, and what it means to live...
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#60: The Truth About Connection: Why Success Feels Empty Without It
Beyond Success
Ambitious people fall into a trap: You’ve learned from a young age that achievement means love, and so, you chase achievement and other external markers of success only to realize the gnawing void is still there. Most think their childhood patterns will get dissolved by father time. But the truth is, these patterns adapt to your knowledge, and become masters of disguising themselves.Take, for example, the seductive idea of independence. For ambitious men, independence is really isolation in disguise, which leads to deep loneliness (even if you have an attractive wife, thousands of...
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#59: Why Being Yourself Feels Unsafe (But Why It's Necessary for Happiness)
Beyond Success
Most people spend their lives performing. Pretending to be who they think they should be — polished, composed, and never too much. But underneath, they feel like frauds. Because the parts of themselves they’ve hidden — the anger, the neediness, the shame — are still alive, whispering, “If they really knew you, they’d leave.” That’s why being yourself feels unsafe. Every instinct screams that honesty will cost you love, success, and belonging. So you hide behind competence, humor, or charm. You keep the mask on. And maybe it even works — for a while. But here’s the problem:...
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#58: Why Manipulation Always Backfires (& Authenticity Wins In The End)
Beyond Success
There is a seductive and destructive lie many people fall into: Learn the best tricks and gimmicks and you can have complete control over your relationships - romantic and business. It’s so seductive because it promises control and success, but it’s even more destructive because it delivers fear instead of control and breeds insecurity instead of success. Worst part? These tricks and tactics work in the short-term, but they come with a mighty hidden cost: You slowly erode your self-confidence and self-respect - two necessary ingredients for happiness and fulfillment. But...
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#57: How Deep-Rooted Sexual Shame Cripples Connection & Creates Conflict
Beyond Success
In pickup artist culture, men see women’s natural defenses as tests and shields. Pass these “shit tests” and break through her “bitch shields,” and you win her love and affection. But women aren’t sitting around scheming elaborate tests or plotting shields. They're responding to lived experiences, not imagined battle plans. That’s why these pickup artist tricks, while they can work in the short-term, never result in lasting love and connection. They’re based on lies, drenched in sexual shame, and actively work against your goals of lasting connection. The...
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#56: The Moral Case for Ethical Seduction & Why It’s Necessary for Connection
Beyond Success
There are two strategies men deploy when they’re dating, but insecure. Either they try the “Nice Guy” approach or its opposite, the pickup artist approach. But even though these strategies are polar opposites, they suffer the same moral flaw of concealment. Whenever you put on a mask over yourself, you sever the possibility of authentic connection. The solution? Ethical seduction based on radical transparency. This way sounds harder because it is: It requires you to be honest with yourself and the person you’re attracting. It’s also scarier because you face the real risk...
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#55: Stop Hiding: How to Turn Guilt Into Growth (Without Shame Dragging You Down)
Beyond Success
What do you do after you fall short of your values? If you’re like most of us, you deflect, you hide, and you collapse into toxic shame that severs your self-trust and self-respect. But there’s another way to deal with your failures that can actually improve your relationship with yourself and others. This other way? Acknowledging healthy guilt without falling into the seductive trap of toxic shame. It’s not as easy as letting yourself wallow in self-pity - but it’s worth it in the long-term. In today’s show, you’ll discover the difference between...
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#54: Why Your Dark Side Isn't the Enemy—It's What Can Save You
Beyond Success
Most people walk around fighting an invisible war inside themselves. On the outside, they play the part of the “good person.” But behind the mask lurk the emotions they’ve been told are unacceptable—envy, lust, anger, cruelty, shame. In families, in religions, in schools, the lesson was drilled in: don’t show that side of yourself. So those parts get buried. But buried parts don’t disappear. They fester. They leak out as addictions, compulsions, betrayals, and self-sabotage. And the harder you try to repress them, the more control they end up having over your life. Here’s the...
info_outlineMen who have a desire to improve at dating often fall into the trap of tactics. And they fundamentally believe that their lack of success is not because of them, but because of the modern dating world.
So they seek to “optimize” individual tactics involved in modern dating—fixing their profile on dating apps, becoming more successful in their career, hitting the gym and getting a six-pack—without ever confronting the real root cause of their dating failures:
Themselves!
Of course, this route is far easier than confronting your deep-rooted emotional issues. You may even experience short-term successes too: More dates, getting laid more often, and being surrounded by beautiful women more often.
But this short-term success comes with a cost…
It deprives you of the very thing you actually want: A real, authentic connection with someone you love.
Why?
Because obsessing over dating tactics is a way to blame the world for your failures instead of looking in the mirror. But only by looking in the mirror and doing the work can you actually create an authentic and fulfilling relationship.
In today’s show, you’ll discover why men externalize their dating struggles instead of owning them, how unresolved attachment wounds keep you in the same toxic dating patterns, how chasing external validation leads to loneliness, and most importantly, how to actually address these issues so they stop showing up in your dating life.
Listen now.
Show Highlights Include:
- The weird way getting more matches on dating apps can erode your confidence (1:09)
- Do you think that women only care about status and wealth? Here’s why this is an example of classic projection of your insecurities (3:12)
- How taking the easy route in dating helps you overcome heartache faster—at the expense of a successful lasting relationship (5:14)
- 3 questions that break through your unconscious projections sabotaging your dating life (6:52)
- Why do people end up in the same, frustrating dating patterns no matter how much they've learned from previous relationships? They fall into one of these three categories… (8:31)
- How obsessing over your profile on dating apps prevents you from experiencing true love and connection. Here’s why: (18:25)
- The insidious “Grandiosity-Shame Dynamic” that explains why men struggle in their relationships with women (and how to conquer this shortcoming) (21:45)
- How you’re setting yourself up for loneliness, resentment, and self-destruction in your dating life without even realizing it (24:50)
For more about David Tian, go here:
https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/
Emotional Mastery is David Tian's step-by-step system to transform, regulate, and control your emotions... so that you can master yourself, your interactions with others, and your relationships... and live a life worth living. Learn more here:
https://www.davidtianphd.com/emotionalmastery