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MFP 355: Making Your Marriage #1

Messy Family Podcast : Catholic Conversations on Marriage and Family

Release Date: 10/27/2025

MFP 368: The Four Horsemen in Busy Marriages show art MFP 368: The Four Horsemen in Busy Marriages

Messy Family Podcast : Catholic Conversations on Marriage and Family

"Couples often ignore each other’s emotional needs out of mindlessness, not malice." - Dr. John Gottman   Summary Let's take an honest look at how communication breaks down in busy marriages and what you can do to stop it. Most couples don’t ignore each other out of malice, but out of exhaustion, distraction, and rushed daily life. In this episode, we unpack why communication is essential for growth and connection, and how unspoken assumptions quickly lead to misunderstandings. Drawing on Dr. John Gottman’s research, we break down the Four Horsemen of Communication - ...

info_outline MFP 367: The Need for Belonging in Marriage show art MFP 367: The Need for Belonging in Marriage

Messy Family Podcast : Catholic Conversations on Marriage and Family

“Therefore a man leaves his father and his mother and clings to his wife, and they become one flesh.” Genesis 2:24 Summary In this episode, we talk about something every person longs for: belonging. At its heart, marriage is meant to be a place where you are chosen, known, and not easily walked away from. It’s a home base, the one relationship you freely choose, where staying matters more than being perfect. Belonging in marriage isn’t about constant agreement or effortless connection. It’s about knowing someone is still there when things are hard, awkward, or unfinished. Over time,...

info_outline MFP 366: God is Love show art MFP 366: God is Love

Messy Family Podcast : Catholic Conversations on Marriage and Family

"Love of neighbor is a path that leads to the encounter with God… closing our eyes to our neighbour also blinds us to God." - Pope Benedict XVI, God is Love   Summary We begin with Love because marriage flows from our deepest identity and relationships, not just spousal dynamics. Created in the image of a loving, Triune God, we must first ask who God is and who we are in His eyes. Our relationship with God and with ourselves forms the foundation for loving others. Pope Benedict XVI’s God Is Love reveals that eros and agape are inseparable dimensions of love: we are made to give and...

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Messy Family Podcast : Catholic Conversations on Marriage and Family

"Let us begin again, for until now we have done nothing," - Saint Francis of Assisi Summary As a new year begins, many of us focus on where we fell short instead of how we’ve grown. In this episode, Mike and Alicia invite parents and couples to reflect on the past year by celebrating the gains—not just the gaps—and to recognize the common traps that keep us stuck, like doing too much, being too busy, comparing ourselves to others, or letting our loves get out of order. From there, they share five foundational ways to begin again and make this year better—not perfect, but better:...

info_outline MFP 364: Live Intentionally in 2026 show art MFP 364: Live Intentionally in 2026

Messy Family Podcast : Catholic Conversations on Marriage and Family

Summary This episode revisits one of the most helpful and down-to-earth conversations on the Messy Family Podcast: Family Board Meeting 2.0. It starts with a simple but challenging idea. We put a lot of thought into our jobs, but when it comes to family life, many of us are just trying to keep up. Between work, kids’ schedules, and everyday stress, it’s easy to drift into survival mode. A Family Board Meeting is a chance to pause, breathe, and get back on the same page. It’s not about being perfect or fixing everything. It’s about choosing to lead your family with intention. The...

info_outline MFP 363: Growing Up Hernon - What it's like in a large, loud, loving family show art MFP 363: Growing Up Hernon - What it's like in a large, loud, loving family

Messy Family Podcast : Catholic Conversations on Marriage and Family

Summary What’s it really like growing up in a big family?   In this special Hernon kids takeover podcast, Mike and Alicia’s children gather around the mic to tell the honest, funny, and heartfelt story of their upbringing. From loud dinner tables and sibling fights to deep bonds, meaningful traditions, and moments of feeling unseen, the Hernon siblings share what shaped them—for better and for worse.   They talk openly about the challenges of a large family, how sibling relationships filled the gaps when parents were stretched thin, and why intentional traditions mattered more...

info_outline MFP 362: Choosing to Be Wrong Together, Over Being Right Alone show art MFP 362: Choosing to Be Wrong Together, Over Being Right Alone

Messy Family Podcast : Catholic Conversations on Marriage and Family

Your decisions may not always be perfect, but you can choose to make them together.   Summary In this week’s podcast, we dive into one of the most important truths for married couples: you will never make a perfect decision—but you can choose unity. Today’s culture urges us to optimize everything with hacks, experts, and AI, yet the real power in family life comes from spouses acting together. We share our own stories of big decisions—moves, career changes, even grad school—and how waiting for unity brought peace and strength to our home. Join us as we unpack how to stay united:...

info_outline MFP 361: The Story of All Stories: Catholic Parenting & Hospitality with Emily Stimpson Chapman show art MFP 361: The Story of All Stories: Catholic Parenting & Hospitality with Emily Stimpson Chapman

Messy Family Podcast : Catholic Conversations on Marriage and Family

“Hospitality and real community starts by inviting people into your messy home…”   Summary In this episode, Mike and Alicia sit down with best-selling Catholic author Emily Stimpson Chapman to talk about Advent, Storybook for young Catholics, and the beauty of simple hospitality. Emily shares the real, lived rhythms of Advent in her home—reminding parents that peace and prayerfulness grow best when traditions are tied to everyday routines and kept flexible, not burdensome.   Emily also introduces her newest work, The Story of All Stories, a beautifully crafted children’s...

info_outline MFP 360: Don't be Afraid of Screwing Up Your Kids (because you already are!) show art MFP 360: Don't be Afraid of Screwing Up Your Kids (because you already are!)

Messy Family Podcast : Catholic Conversations on Marriage and Family

“Learning how to trust God and let go of our fears, worries, and frustrations is the best way to model peace for our children.” — Dr. Gregory Bottaro   Summary This week on the Messy Family Podcast, we are joined by Dr. Greg Bottaro for a heartfelt and practical conversation every parent needs to hear. In this interview, Dr. Greg explains why kids are not naturally built to listen and why so many of us parents end up frustrated. His solution is simple and hopeful. Get clear on the rulebook you grew up with, compare it with your spouse’s, and build a shared one that gives your...

info_outline MFP 359: How to Choose Toys for Christmas show art MFP 359: How to Choose Toys for Christmas

Messy Family Podcast : Catholic Conversations on Marriage and Family

"Baby Jesus was an amazing surprise to the world on Christmas morning, and gifts under the tree remind us of that wondrous gift each year." - Regina Doman Summary Mothers create the environment of the home by what we allow in our house, how we arrange our home, and where things are kept. We are teaching our children all the time, not just by what we say and do, but the home that we create for our families.  We communicate what we value and what we want our children to learn by the "stuff" in our home.  Moms have to be thoughtful and intentional about this.  Listen into this...

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Summary

In this re-release of  Episode MFP191, we open up about one of the biggest challenges every couple faces—finding time for each other in the midst of busy family life. After 31 years of marriage, we’ve learned that love doesn’t just grow on its own; it takes intention and effort because although our marriages are always Important, they are rarely Urgent. In this episode, we share our own stories, some laughs, and practical ways to stay connected—whether through daily check-ins, regular date nights, or an occasional weekend away. We also talk about how to make this happen and what to do when you are together to use your time well.  When we invest time in our marriage, our whole family benefits. So take a moment, grab your spouse, and listen with us. Let’s strengthen our marriages together—because your relationship is worth every minute.

Key Takeaways

  • Marriage is never Urgent, but it is always Important.  That means you have to intentionally take time for your spouse

  • Marriage is good for people and their mental, emotional, and even physical health.

  • We need to give our spouse our time - daily connections, date nights, and extended time away.

  • Lack of time together leads to decreased “love tank”.  A full “love tank” smooths out the rough spots in marriage and makes it easier to ignore the little things. 

  • You have to be together without the children to renew your marriage and make strong the “couple love” between you which is essential for them. 

  • You need a community around you to give inspiration and support for your marriage. 

  • Make boundaries and goals for your time together.  Use it wisely! 

Couple Discussion Questions

  • When is our daily connection and regular date night? 

  • What is the best way for us to spend that time together?