Messy Family Podcast : Catholic Conversations on Marriage and Family
Parenting is not a clean-cut, simple process for those who like to follow the rules. Family life is messy and unpredictable, but it is the greatest adventure you will ever have. We are Mike and Alicia Hernon, parents of 10 children with a growing number of grandchildren, and we would like to invite you into some of the conversations we have had with each other about marriage, parenting, and Catholic family life. Our hope is that our conversation sparks a dialogue between you and your spouse that leads to greater unity and intentional Christian parenting in your home. Listen in to our podcast and start the conversation as we seek to lead our families to heaven. Visit us at https:///www/MessyFamilyProject.org for resources, guides, links and show notes.
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MFP 339: Movies, kids, and imagination
06/30/2025
MFP 339: Movies, kids, and imagination
"Fairy tales do not tell children the dragons exist. Children already know that dragons exist. Fairy tales tell children the dragons can be killed." - G.K. Chesterton Summary Movies shape more than behavior — they form the imagination, the moral compass, and the heart. Catholic parents are not merely protecting innocence; they are cultivating virtue and wonder. In this episode, we explore how stories shape our children, how to choose wisely, and how to use movies as part of a rich Catholic family culture. Jesus used stories to teach. So do we. Key Takeaways Here are four filters that parents can use to decide what movies to watch with their children: Content – Surface-level: language, nudity, violence, disrespect. Different for every family. Talk about this with spouse May change as the kids get older Context / Theme– Does it glorify sin, or does it show redemption? Does this movie affirm the dignity of the human person? What’s the movie saying about truth, identity, family, and faith? Does it honor the sacrificial nature of love? Does it support the family or undermine it? Is faith treated with reverence, or ridicule? Beauty Is it ugly?is does it nourish the soul and imagination? Is this edifying? Does it educate, challenge, or cause me to grow and bear good fruit? Character Arc – Are the heroes virtuous? Are sinners redeemed? Remember: It's not enough to avoid what is harmful. We must actively seek what is holy, good, and true. 🧰 Trusted Tools for Parents: IMDB parents guide - use this to search by adding your movie title — secular, but useful for content breakdowns. — faith-based reviews of current films. Catholic News Service Movie Reviews — Catholic perspective with theological commentary. Your Own Conscience — Don’t ignore the check in your spirit as a parent.
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MFP 338: Sharing the “Mental Load”?
06/23/2025
MFP 338: Sharing the “Mental Load”?
Motherhood changes you because it literally alters a woman’s brain—structurally, functionally, and in many ways, irreversibly. - Louann Brizendine, The Female Brain Summary Women are gifted in a way that men are not. Women can hold many different tasks in their mind at the same time, see the needs of others, and know the needs of the household and balance them all. Sometimes this can feel empowering, but sometimes it's overwhelming, especially in times of great stress. In some circles, there is a call for men to share the “mental load”, but is that even possible? What is the appropriate role of fathers and husbands and how can they support their wives in this burden that they carry? Listen in as we tackle this tricky topic giving both perspective and advice on rejoicing in our differences. Key Takeaways Women are gifted in a way that men are not. Embrace it and appreciate that. Reject a spirit of comparison and envy. Live a balanced life - you are not a victim and you always have a choice. Appreciate your husband’s mental load Create space for him to be needed. Couple Discussion Questions How does the mental load affect each of us? Have we fallen into a pattern of comparison or envy? How can we learn to be more grateful for our spouse and their contributions? Resources
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MFP 337: The Invincible Family
06/16/2025
MFP 337: The Invincible Family
“True power is not dependent upon the invented honors of earth. True power is that which guides, shapes, carves, and claims the souls of men. And the souls of men are most often won and lost at the feet of mothers.” - Kimberly Ells Summary Does it feel like its harder to be a parent today than ever before? There are powers arrayed against the family - powers in secular philosophies, modern politics, and even our education system. The roots of these forces are deep and have been growing for years, but we are just now seeing their ugly fruit. We would like you to take some time to comprehend how these philosophies have affected your understanding of the roles of mothers, fathers, children, and the family as a social unit. This podcast was inspired by and draws from The Invincible Family by Kimberly Ells. The world needs parents more than ever! We hope this conversation inspires you to double down on being an intentional, and therefore, invincible family. Key Takeaways What is the ultimate goal of socialism, feminism, and sexual radicalism? To separate children from their parents by deceiving parents into giving up their rights to their children. Satan wants us to feel quaint, small, and insignificant. But the reality is that if we are going to change this world, we need to believe that what we are doing is mighty and important, and IRREPLACEABLE. Children are the future. Every revolutionary wants to control the children. Whoever controls the children controls the society. So the parent/child bond needs to be broken for secular forces to control our children. First, it started with Dad. Now they are working on unseating moms, taking her out of the home, denigrating having children, and being a mother. The best thing you can give your child is not education - the best you can give your child is YOU. Women cannot do everything men can do. And confident women are perfectly fine with this fact.
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MFP 336: What Would You Say to Your Younger Self? An Interview with Suzanne Bilodeau
06/09/2025
MFP 336: What Would You Say to Your Younger Self? An Interview with Suzanne Bilodeau
God has selected you uniquely to be the mother for these children. He will equip you for the work He wants you to do! Summary No one feels prepared to be a parent. Even if you were one of the oldest of 10 kids in a Catholic family (like Alicia or Katie) or a family of 7 (like Suzanne) you can never really be ready! The key to surviving, and even thriving, is stepping fully into your identity as a daughter of God. All the love that we have for our spouse and children needs to come from a deep place of confident love from our Heavenly Father. Listen in to this interview with Suzanne Bilodeau, author of She Loved: Resting in the Beauty of Motherhood, a compilation of letters from older mothers to their younger selves. In our conversation we talk about actually NOT finding our identity in our motherhood, but in our daughterhood, how fear is a liar, and the importance of compassion for yourself. Key Takeaways Fear is a liar. Satan tells you that you are not enough. God says - I made you for this moment. We can be transformed when we recognize that before we are a wife or mommy we are a daughter. That is foundational. We all need to have compassion for ourselves. This is a theme found in most of the letters written for She Loved! Don’t be a martyr to your motherhood. Take time for yourself to reconnect with God and others.
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MFP 335: Safety-ism
06/02/2025
MFP 335: Safety-ism
'Cause I love you more than you could know And your heart, it grows every time it breaks I know that it might sound strange But I wish you pain - “Wish You Pain” by Andy Grammar Summary Every parent wants to keep their kids safe, but is it possible to keep them “too safe”? In this podcast episode we dive into the overwhelming cult of safety-ism, which makes keeping your child from all pain and suffering an idol. Children are really “antifragile” - meaning that they need to have an appropriate amount of stress physically, mentally and emotionally to be able to become resilient. Over-protecting and keeping kids from physical or emotional pain only makes them more anxious and risk-averse. We have lots of examples of giving kids freedom, and the results aren’t always what you think! Like so much of parenting, you need to keep in mind the stage of development your child is in to be able to expose them to appropriate risks. You don’t let your 12 yr old wander down a dark alley, but you should let them go into the grocery store alone. Listen in for some encouragement as well as tips and tricks to not keeping your kids safe, but making them strong! Key Takeaways Do all you can to keep kids in Discover Mode. Exploring is what kids do and it will keep them curious and confident. Don’t keep them safe, make them strong. Children will get hurt, get sick, get disappointed, cry with frustration…. Because they are human! Attachment to parents is key to give kids a secure base Fearful parenting keeps kids close too much and for too long Children need play-based childhood. Couple Discussion Questions How were we raised? Were we raised in a home that was in Discovery Mode or Defend Mode? Assess our family right now in light of safety vs. appropriate risk. How are our children being raised? What can we do to improve our family’s Discovery Mode for the long term benefit of our children?
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MFP 334: An Addiction, a Marriage, and a Priest
05/26/2025
MFP 334: An Addiction, a Marriage, and a Priest
Our vows are for life, and we need overwhelming grace to live them out - Kevin Wells Summary If you ever thought your marriage was in such bad shape that you simply did not know what to do, this podcast is for you. We were so blessed to be able to talk to Kevin Wells, the author of The Hermit: The Priest Who Saved a Soul, a Marriage, and a Family. This interview is deep because Kevin and his wife Krista have been through the fire together and it is only by the grace of God that they both survived. Our discussion includes the indissolubility of the marriage vows, how marriage makes you holy sometimes by bringing you to the desert, and the powerful role that our priests can take in shepherding our souls and bringing Jesus to us. Kevin’s perspective is incredibly hopeful because he has seen the power of God! Take time to listen to his story and use the lessons he gives to draw closer to the source of life for all of our marriages - the Lord Himself. Key Takeaways When a person experiences shame, they always need an outlet for that shame. Sometimes its themselves and people turn inward, and sometimes it is someone else. Satan is a total jerk. He uses wounds from our childhood, when we were innocent victims, to beat us up and tell us the lie that we are not worthy of love. Every addiction is hiding a wound. To be truly free from addiction, that wound needs to be healed. When you are in the “desert” of a troubled marriage, the only way to get through is complete reliance on God. He calls us deeper into the desert to rest, abide, and surrender. Our vows are for life and this is an impossible task. It can only be accomplished by the grace of God Priests are custodians of the souls of those within their parish. When one of these souls is in error, they need the Holy Spirit to speak with firmness and candor. Anything less is false charity and false mercy. Couple Discussion Questions Are there areas of our life or marriage that aren’t completely surrendered to God? How can we surrender everything to Him? Are there priests in our lives who are true shepherds to us? How can we support and love our priest better?
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MFP 333: The Family Meeting
05/19/2025
MFP 333: The Family Meeting
What is the rhythm of leadership in your family? Summary Every relationship relies on communication, but when you operate as a family with many members, communication can become difficult! Kids can get lost in the chaos, plans get forgotten, chores undone, and mom and dad are constantly putting out fires. In comes the miracle of the Family Meeting! Well, let’s rephrase that… A family meeting will not solve ALL your problems but it is a great step forward in leading your family and living life intentionally. In this podcast, we discuss the REAL purpose of a family meeting (and it’s not about information shared!) and how effective meetings can satisfy one of the three fundamental needs of the human person. Listen in to find out why you need to get this on your family’s calendar today. Key Takeaways FMs give you an opportunity to lead intentionally and gives children the experience of belonging, a fundamental need Start with Prayer and Engagement Present something briefly - your observations, information or inspiration. Keep in mind your family’s values Hear from the kids - This is key. It is where they will feel seen and heard. Get on the same page - coordinate the running of the home Commit to it and make it happen - don’t give up! Depend on grace! Couple Discussion Questions How would a family meeting benefit us right now? What is the best time for us to do this? What would be the key elements for us?
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MFP 332: The Seven Marks of Christian Forgiveness
05/12/2025
MFP 332: The Seven Marks of Christian Forgiveness
If forgiveness isn’t hard, you aren’t doing it right - Dan Meola Summary Many parents struggle with their children--not because of the kids, but because of the wounds they are carrying from their own parents. The only path for healing those wounds is forgiveness. But how do we forgive, especially when the hurts are deep and real? In this podcast we sat down with Dan Meola, the founder of Life Giving Wounds, a ministry for adult children of divorce. We talked about the importance of forgiveness, what it is--and what it is not. To define true forgiveness, Dan walks us through the seven marks of forgiveness that bring insight to this path to true reconciliation and healing. Key Takeaways No matter how you have been hurt you need to let go of the grudge and forgive. Unforgiveness hurts us, hurts those around us, and prevents our healing. If forgiveness isn’t hard, you aren’t doing it right. Christianity is the only religion that requires forgiveness, even if it is unilateral. This is impossible by human standards and can only be done by God’s grace. The Seven Marks are: It is specific It is an ongoing process. Can be unilateral Means you still have boundaries It is a choice, not a feeling Enables you to let go of anger, resentment, and to cancel past debts Is only possible with the grace of God
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MFP 331: Let’s Talk About Husbands! Listener questions answered
05/05/2025
MFP 331: Let’s Talk About Husbands! Listener questions answered
“If we accept that God’s love is unconditional, that the Father’s love cannot be bought or sold, then we will become capable of showing boundless love and forgiving others even if they have wronged us” - Pope Francis in Amoris Laetitia Summary: Becoming a husband and father is the biggest change a man goes through in his life. There is simply no better “life-coaching” than family life! But when men find their vocation difficult, it is usually their wives that they turn to or who observe this difficulty and have a desire to help. In this podcast, we hear from women who have questions about how to support and help their husbands overcome challenges at work, at home, and in their personal lives. So many wives want their husbands to be the best men they can be and overcome vices of sloth, anger, and lust but they aren’t sure how to help. Sometimes wives can take action, but in other situations, it's best for wives to be supportive and keep their advice to themselves. When do you know which is right? Listen in to find out! Key Takeaways Wives need to be very careful when it comes to giving husbands advice or correction regarding his relationship with work. It is a source of great respect for men, so this topic should be delicately considered. Men need to be needed. If wives are doing everything and then complaining that he isn’t stepping up, realize that you are probably doing too much. Overcoming anger requires introspection and being curious about why it arises within you at certain times. Usually the “trigger” is not really your child, but something that your child is doing or saying that is touching an unresolved issue in yourself. We need to take time to think about these things and give ourselves space to consider them and bring God into that situation so He can heal us. If you have a husband who is at a different place spiritually than you, be patient. Honor his journey as being different from your own.
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MFP 330: What Will Your Children Remember?
04/28/2025
MFP 330: What Will Your Children Remember?
“You’re not just parenting your children… you are parenting your grandchildren” Summary Have you ever walked through a thousand-year-old castle or along a wall built by Romans nearly a millennium ago? On a recent trip to the UK, we were struck by the longevity of these structures—and the intentionality behind them. They weren’t built to last a season, but centuries. In this episode, we challenge you to think the same way about your family culture. Are you parenting just for today… or are you building something that will bless your children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren? Family culture is the invisible architecture of your home. It gives your children identity, belonging, and purpose. It's what lasts long after the rules and schedules fade. And if we build it with care, rooted in faith and virtue, it can be a source of strength for generations to come. Key Takeaways Parenting is more than just what is happening today. We have to have a long term vision for our family Your family culture matters more than ever. This is where children learn who they are, where they belong, and what they are made for If we want to build a legacy, we need to build with stone, not straw or wood. Set up traditions that can be passed on to the next generation - things that are simple and repeatable. Consider the legacy that you have received from your family, culture, and especially from our Catholic faith. Legacy doesn’t happen by accident. It starts with small, intentional acts of love—right now. Couple discussion Consider writing down some thoughts on the legacy you want to leave. What’s one tradition, habit, or value you want to start building into your family this week that will move you closer to that legacy?
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MFP 329: Who is “God the Father”?
04/21/2025
MFP 329: Who is “God the Father”?
“Unleashing the heart of the Father is a power the world does not know.” Summary God wants us to know Him as a father. We as parents are to prepare the hearts of our children to know the father by acting like him. So when our children wonder what God is like, we should be able to say to them, “God loves you as I love you, but so much better”. For us to do that, we need to know what God is like, so we can act as him. In this podcast we break open the Word of God to share with you how God describes Himself in the Bible and how we can come to know Him better by reading what He has told us! Key Takeaways God wants to “father” His people in the Old Testament Isaiah 64:8 Jeremiah 31:20 Deuteronomy 14:1 Jesus says he has come “from the Father” that He is a son John 14 Matt 11:25 John 16:23 Jesus tells us that WE are sons and that God is Our Father too! Matthew 23:9 Matthew 6:6 1 John 3:1 Galatians 4:6 Luke 12:32 2 Corinthians 6:16-18 John 20:17 Why does this matter? Because we are to be like Our Father. We as parents are to act like him, imitate Him, take on His characteristics in flesh so our children can believe they have a heavenly Father who loves them, will always be there and never fail them. Psalm 103:13 Matt7:10 Couple Discussion How does God want to be a father to us? To our children? Are there any obstacles to us calling God “Father”? Take some time to pray into those this week.
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MFP 328: Let Your Life Be a Witness, An interview with Chris and Molly McMahon
04/14/2025
MFP 328: Let Your Life Be a Witness, An interview with Chris and Molly McMahon
"Never be embarrassed to love your wife." – Chris McMahon Summary What does it take to build a thriving business and a strong marriage at the same time? In this episode, Mike sits down with longtime friends Chris and Molly McMahon—financial advisors, founders, parents of five, and marriage warriors. Together, they unpack the real story behind balancing ambition with family, building a faith-filled home without a perfect blueprint, and making decisions that prioritize your marriage even when the world says otherwise. From the mess of early parenthood and maxed-out credit cards to spiritual renewal and raising adult kids with a legacy of love, the McMahons share wisdom from 36 years of marriage. Get ready for candid stories, practical advice, and heartfelt encouragement for couples trying to do it all without losing what matters most. Topics include: Why full transparency is non-negotiable in marriage How to prioritize your spouse even in seasons of hustle Reclaiming Sundays and breaking free from the “frantic family” pace Making faith central—even in business And don’t miss your chance to sign up for the Family Board Meeting, a transformative way to lead your family with intention: Key Takeaways Put your spouse first. Connect with them and make them a priority no matter what is happening at work. Talk about your spouse with love and respect always to others. Be a witness in the workplace. Put up a sacred image, hold a high standard for yourself and be bold about sharing your faith. Never accept the standards of the world for success. If you feel like both of you “have” to work to get ahead or buy a house, don’t accept that! Think outside the box Make time for the things that matter. Be intentional with how you spend your time and money. If God has blessed you, be a blessing to others. God will give you a mission - respond! Couple Discussion Questions How can we use our time intentionally to prioritize each other? How can we live in a way that puts our marriage first? What is the mission that God is asking us to go on two by two? What is the particular way we can serve Him as a married couple?
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MFP 327: Five Steps to Give You More Time
04/07/2025
MFP 327: Five Steps to Give You More Time
The only way to not live constantly in the Urgent is to manage those things that are Important. Summary “How are you?” “BUSY!” Isn't that the response so many of us give when asked this question? How did we all get so busy and how do we get off the crazy train? Parents have as much time as anyone else (even though it doesn’t feel like it!) but they need to be more conscious than anyone else regarding how they spend the precious time they have. In this podcast, we give five steps that parents can use right now to use their time wisely. Using the Eisenhower matrix of Important/Urgent we will show you how to manage those things that are Important (children and all their needs!) so we aren’t always living in the Urgent. Parents must be careful on how they spend time because days turn into weeks, and then years, and then kids are gone! Childhood is short and we need to be very intentional on how we spend our precious time with our precious children. Key Takeaways We all need to evaluate how we are spending our time. If you always feel like you are putting out important fires, then you need to learn how to manage those things so your life isn’t always “urgent”. To make sure you take care of those relationships that are essential in your life, you have to schedule an appointment. Put on your schedule prayer time, date night, special time. One essential way to live a balanced life is to create routines that will build good habits for you and your children. Make your time purposeful. It's not always about the quantity of time, it's also the quality of that time. Keep in mind your mission! The mission of your family is to confer identity, belonging and purpose upon your children. If you don’t do it, they will seek that out from others and that is a scary prospect. Couple Discussion Questions Let’s evaluate our time. Are always putting out fires? Do we feel our life is frantic? How can we identify pain points and create routines to address them? What is the best way to use our time together? What are the needs in our marriage and how can we satisfy those needs when we are together? How can we use our time better with our children? What would they like to do?
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MFP 326: The Art of Raising Humans
03/24/2025
MFP 326: The Art of Raising Humans
"God gives us our children to heal and transform us." - Kyle Wester Summary In many ways, being a parent is less about our kids and more about our own formation! When we lean into the vocation of parenthood, God can use every experience with our children to show us His love and to form us into the person He has created us to be. In this podcast, we talk to Kyle and Sara Wester, counselors and hosts of the podcast The Art of Raising Humans. During our conversation, they explained four different parenting styles that we move in and out of depending on our life circumstances, how our marriage is actually the most important parenting tool we have, and how our understanding of who we are in the eyes of God affects how we relate to our kids. This podcast is full of great insights for parents and we know you will gain from the Wester’s wisdom. Key Takeaways Children need to be taught relationship skills and correct behavior. The most powerful way they learn is by watching how you relate to your spouse. God gives us our children to heal and transform us. To love our children effectively, we need to first receive God’s love for us personally. Every conflict with our spouse or children is about expectations. When our child exhibits behavior that is inappropriate for a situation, we need to ask ourselves, “What is this behavior telling me about this child?” Discipline comes from discipleship and the foundation of discipleship is relationship. We all must work on having a deep and rich relationship with our children to form them. There are 4 different parenting styles that we move through depending on our life circumstances. We don’t always choose what is best, but we can keep in mind the goal of Loving Guidance and move towards that. Recommended books from the Westers: Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids by Dr. Laura Markham Easy to Love, Difficult to Discipline by by Rebecca Bailey Playful Parenting by Lawrence Cohen No Drama Discipline by Daniel J. Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson Couple Discussion Questions Are we happy with how we are modeling conflict resolution for our children? How can we do this better? What in our children do we see in ourselves? Write these things down. Do we love these things in ourselves? Why or why not? Resources: Facebook - Instagram - TikTok -
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MFP 325: Let’s Get Intimate…
03/17/2025
MFP 325: Let’s Get Intimate…
“Lovemaking puts flesh on the vows that we exchange in marriage” - Byron and Francine Pirola Summary A few years ago in Australia, we met an amazing couple who we immediately wanted to share with our listeners. Byron and Francine Piroloa from Smart Loving, are on a mission to make marriages stronger all over the world and they are willing to talk about that subject that few couples will tackle - physical intimacy. We aired this podcast five years ago and it got such a great response that we decided to put it up again for all of you. Listen in as we talk to the Pirolas about how and why you should make time for sex, how the arousal pattern for men is different from women and why sex gets better and better the longer you are married! This is a podcast filled with wisdom, but also laughter and honesty. We hope you will enjoy listening as much as we enjoyed talking to them! Key Takeaways Anything precious and unique needs rules to be protected. That is why the Church gives us boundaries in this area to teach us how to be appropriately vulnerable in our marital relationships A person’s sexual prime is in their 20s, but our erotic prime is reached in our 50s. This is a culmination of our relationship and our intimacy that is built over time. Sexual relations can slip into the “recreational” category in our minds when we are trying to survive. The antidote is seeing sex as a sacred communication that needs to be prioritized. Desire, arousal, climax, resolution is a typical male pattern. For most women the pattern is different - arousal, or foreplay, creates desire in the woman. We need to work and train our brains to connect with our spouse emotionally, to be present, so the intimacy that we share emotionally and physically. Couple Discussion Questions How are we creating a romantic environment in our relationship? Where are we making space for marital relations? How are we opening our hearts to our spouse in lovemaking? Can we work on being present to our spouse and retrain our brains to focus on them? Resources
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MFP 324: Moving from Isolation to Unity
03/10/2025
MFP 324: Moving from Isolation to Unity
Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. Genesis 2:24 Summary Unity between man and woman was God’s original plan, but the Fall not only broke our relationship with God, it also broke our relationship with each other. But the good news is that Jesus has given us grace in the sacrament of Matrimony so we can have a oneness in marriage that would be impossible otherwise! With unity, couples can handle anything life dishes out. Without it, even the easy things will seem hard. Couples need to constantly be striving for unity, because if spouses aren’t intentional, those marriages will drift apart! In this podcast, we will give you three tools - honoring, forgiveness, and vulnerability - that you can use to start moving towards your spouse. We need to intentionally use these tools to work towards the greater unity within the gift of marriage that God has for us. Key Takeaways All couples must strive for unity - if you float along, you will drift apart Unity was what we were made for, but the fall introduced distrust into the male/female relationships There are three things you can do to move towards unity: honoring, forgiveness, and vulnerability On the scale of Affirmation/Criticism, choose to honor your spouse, even publicly to build them up On the scale of Resentment/Forgiveness, choose to forgive them instead of being resentful of their shortcomings On the scale of Detachment/Intimacy we need to choose vulnerability and openness to our spouse. Couple Discussion Questions On a scale of 1-10, how are we doing in our unity? In which of the three areas can we do better? Which one of these three areas is the most challenging for me? Why do I think that is? Resources Free Mini-Marriage Retreat: Register for the Family Board Meeting! Easter Webinar Register here….
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MFP 323: Desires, Vices, and Holiness for Parents
03/03/2025
MFP 323: Desires, Vices, and Holiness for Parents
Vices are our disordered way of fulfilling our God-given good desires. Summary So many of us thought we were good people till we had kids, right? This is because kids expose our weaknesses and we need to be aware of them in order to overcome them. Listen in as we reveal Satan’s plan for you and lay out God’s great plan of using our rightly ordered desires to develop virtues and live according to His plan. The desires that God has put in our hearts for dignity, communion, justice, and peace are all good, but when we try to fulfill them on our own, they can lead to vice, or repeated bad habits. We do this because we are all fallen, wounded people! But the good news is that we just need to tap into learning how to satisfy those desires in the best way, which is what God intended for us. This is a snapshot from our video series we are doing for our Cana90 Fellowship this year. In that series, each vice gets its own video where we break it down and show how we as parents are particularly susceptible to falling into it. or the rest of the series! Key Takeaways Vices are our disordered desires. Every vice has a longing or desire behind it and a corresponding virtue to help overcome it. Parents struggle with vices in particular ways that may not have been evident before they had kids. Envy is the longing for Dignity and it comes from the fear that we will not be seen, known, and acknowledged. We get this from our Heavenly Father! Sloth is the longing for Peace and it causes us to choose a “fake peace” that comes from ignoring problems instead of working through them. Couple Discussion Questions Where do I struggle to act? What situations would I rather ignore than deal with? Write down some ideas. Try them each day one at a time. What is one thing I can do to make this room/situation/gathering better? How can I be proactive? Think of when someone else was kind to you. How did it make you feel? List 25 things you can do to make the lives of others around you more pleasant References Bishop Barron’s series on the Seven Deadly Sins Broken Gods by Dr. Gregory Popcak Cana90 Fellowship
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MFP 322: Dealing with Mouthy Teens
02/24/2025
MFP 322: Dealing with Mouthy Teens
A problem with disrespect from a child always goes back to a dysfunction in the parent-child relationship. Summary When our sweet children enter the teen years and adolescence is upon them, something happens that tends to cause parents stress and dismay - back talk and disrespect. Some of this is immaturity on the part of the child and some is simply lack of training in relationships. It is our job as parents to teach our children how to express their feelings, disagree, and even debate while maintaining an attitude of respect towards us and therefore, other people in their lives. The family is the training ground for life! In this podcast we will give you some perspective on the struggles teens have, tell you what NOT to do and explain the Three C’s of responding to a mouthy teen. Listen in! Key Takeaways A disrespectful child is, simply put, someone no one wants to be around. But the good news is that parents can change this! We can help our child become someone we not just love, but like. Yelling, punishing, taking things personally, and debating with your teen does not work. Avoid these reactions. Tweens and teens need us to guide them on acceptable ways of speaking to others. This will help them be successful in many areas of life. CONTROL YOURSELF - If you are triggered by your teen and fly off the handle, ask yourself why and get your emotional life in order. CONSEQUENCES - It is our responsibility to help them see what happens when they don’t control their tongue. The world’s consequences will be much harder than ours! COACH - We need to point our teens towards adulthood so they can see we are not treating them as a child, we are teaching them how to be an adult. Couple Discussion Questions Are we happy with the way that our children speak to us? Can we identify areas of difficulty with them? What would be a quick, acceptable consequence for our child’s disrespect? Which one of us would be best to talk to them about this? How can we coach our child to do better? Links: Link to Cana90 https://messyfamilyproject.org/programs/cana90/ Link to Beloved Event https://arrayofhope.regfox.com/beloved
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MFP321: Fifty Years and Going Strong!
02/17/2025
MFP321: Fifty Years and Going Strong!
A husband and wife may disagree on many things, but they must absolutely agree on this: to never, ever give up. Summary When we did our listener survey, you asked for interviews of regular families who have raised children through to adulthood with grace and courage. Well, we have a treat for you! A few years ago we met Brian and Joanna Simpson of London ONT who have run the Family Foundations Institute for the past 25 years. They also have 9 children and over 35 grandchildren and they are a witness to the goodness of God despite difficulty and heartache. In this episode, they tell some of their story, but also give wisdom to young families on what should be the most important things in your home and how to create a home focused on God and loving each other. We really enjoyed our time with them and we know you will too! Key Takeaways Forgiveness in the family is key - modeling it for the children with them and with your spouse. The husband as the head of the household is the one who carries the responsibility in the family, not only authority. Wise spouses realize that the best decisions are done together in unity. When tragedy and suffering happens in the family, as it inevitably will, God can still be present and make something truly beautiful out of it when we trust Him. Personal prayer and trust in God’s love for you is key to building a family of faith and prayer. When our conflict stays in the dark, the Evil One has more power. It is best to be honest and vulnerable, even if you don’t do it perfectly, because then you can work to actively build unity. Couple Discussion Questions What things are important to us in our household and how are we communicating that? How do we support each other in our roles as husband and wife/mom and dad in the family? Resources: Family Foundations Institute Link to Cana90 Link to Beloved Event
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MFP 320: Super Habits for the Family
02/10/2025
MFP 320: Super Habits for the Family
Summary Have you ever wanted to stop yelling at your kids? Be more courteous to your spouse? Or be more orderly at home? Enter Super Habits! These are not just new things for you to learn to do, these are life-changing actions that will make you happier, healthier and more successful in many areas. In this interview, we spoke to Dr. Andrew Abela, author of the book Super Habits and his wife Kathleen who explained to us how to apply this book to family life. They gave us some great insights and showed us how Super Habits can be the answer to what we all need in our parenting and marriages. And the best part is that these habits are already present in us, we just need to activate them. Listen in! Key Takeaways Every virtue is a habit anyone can cultivate, not just a characteristic or personality trait. We can all grow and change. All new habits create new neurological pathways in our brains, but the advantage of Super Habits is that these are pathways that are native to us already, we already have the “muscles”; we just need to use them. Super habits do three things - they make us happier, healthier, and they have a positive effect on multiple areas of our lives. St. Thomas Aquinas has the best system of organizing the virtues! We all need fluency in the language of virtues. All growth in Super Habits is slow and steady so keep going! Virtue happens when we channel our desires correctly - not squash them. Growth in Super Habits is the answer to “helicopter” or “bulldozer” parenting We need to be aware of the full range of virtues for the full flourishing of the human person. Couple Discussion Questions In what ways have we already developed some Super Habits? How did we do that? What Super Habit will help us in our parenting? How can we support each other in cultivating it? Resources : sophiainstitute.com/product/super-habits/ : : superhabit.substack.com/ - messyfamilyproject.org/programs/cana90/ - arrayofhope.regfox.com/beloved
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MFP 319: How Husbands Lead
02/03/2025
MFP 319: How Husbands Lead
Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord. Eph 6:4 In this episode of the Messy Family Podcast, hosts Mike and Alicia Hernon celebrate their 10th year of the podcast and introduce the new studio, setting the stage for a discussion on fatherhood and leadership in the home. They emphasize that while fathers are called by God to lead, many struggle to understand what that truly means in a world that often undermines their role. True leadership is not about domination but about serving, sacrificing, and guiding with love, following Christ’s example. A father’s success is measured by the unity in his marriage and family, and when discord arises, it signals a need to recalibrate leadership. Mike and Alicia challenge men to overcome passivity, a struggle rooted in Adam’s sin, and to step up, protect, and guide their families with intentional love. Practical steps for dads include pursuing their wives first, taking initiative in family life, loving sacrificially, and leading with unity in mind. They highlight research showing that a father’s presence has a profound impact on his children’s faith, success, and well-being. While many men feel incompetent in the home, undervalue their influence, or struggle with passivity, Mike and Alicia encourage them to embrace the God-given mission of fatherhood with confidence, knowing that great men and strong fathers are desperately needed today. Key Takeaways Husbands are called to lead in the home because this is how God is going to make them holy and you were created to give first to be able to receive. You know you are leading when there is unity, when you are challenged, and when your wife feels safe. Men need to go in to battle and fight against the tendency to be passive or to avoid what they do not feel competent at. Never doubt how important you are in the life of your wife and children - they need you! Couple Discussion Questions Are we happy with our roles of leading our family right now? How are we doing? How can I (wife) support you (husband) in leading our family? For more information on this and other topics visit: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/
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MFP 318: Families as Missionaries
01/27/2025
MFP 318: Families as Missionaries
Families don’t just have a mission, they ARE a mission! Summary When we hear “missionary” many of us automatically think of a single person serving in a third world country. Then we think, “not me!” But the reality is that all Catholics are called by their baptism to spread the good news of Jesus throughout the world. We do that first and foremost in our homes, through the pastoral care of our spouse and children, but there are other ways we can spread the Good News to the world. In this podcast, we interview Tim and Maggie Glemkowski, parents with a heart for mission. Tim most recently led the National Eucharistic Congress and continues to serve as the executive director of Amazing Parish. He and Maggie share their story of the struggles they have gone through with their calling and the faithfulness of God through it all. Their understanding of how to be a family on mission for others is inspiring and encouraging. Listen in! Links: Interested in taking your family on a mission trip? Contact the Family Mission Experience at
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MFP 317: Who are These Messy Families? 2024 Survey Summary
01/20/2025
MFP 317: Who are These Messy Families? 2024 Survey Summary
Summary Since 2018 we have been doing surveys of our listeners to find out who you are, how we can serve you more, and what your needs are. We have never shared this information with our listeners until now! Over the years we have had thousands of listeners take this survey and it's interesting to see what has remained the same and what has changed. We thought it would be encouraging to you to hear that you are not alone! The struggles that you have told us about are shared by other moms and dads too. Listen in as we talk about the make-up of most of our listeners, what they told us, and what plans are for the future. There were also some questions that came up in the survey that we responded to as well. Links Last call for the survey! Closing Jan 31, 2025 UK Tour - if you are interested in joining us for any events check out our page here!
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MFP 316: A Manual for Catholic Families
01/13/2025
MFP 316: A Manual for Catholic Families
“Catholic parenting is above all a work of grace” - Fr. Carter Griffin We often say there is no manual for being a parent, but this book comes pretty close! In this podcast, we interview the author of Forming Families, Forming Saints Fr. Carter Griffin. Fr. Griffin has worked for years forming young men into priests in the seminary setting. In doing so, he saw many similarities between what he was doing with young men and what parents were doing at home. The four pillars of formation in the seminary - human, intellectual, spiritual, and apostolic - can be applied in the family as well! In both settings, ultimately God is the one who does the transforming in people’s lives, but He does choose to use us in the process. We believe this book is a valuable resource for parents that they will be able to refer to again and again. Key Concepts Parents are proxies. God is the ultimate shaper of their hearts and minds, but He chooses to use us in the lives of our children In the past decade or so there has been an emphasis on the importance of childhood and parenting on a person’s life. This knowledge is good, but it also has put an incredible amount of pressure on parents to “do it right”. The four pillars of seminary formation - Human, Spiritual, Intellectual, and Apostolic can be applied for parents forming children within the home. The most successful parents create an environment of trust in the home through continual dialogue with their children while sending the message that they don’t just love their kids, but they like them too! Parents need to know they are not alone! There are many other families working alongside you and we have a great cloud of witnesses cheering us on. Couple Discussion Consider the four pillars that Fr. Griffith describes. How is our child doing in each of these? Can we make a goal for them in each area? Are we overwhelmed by the responsibility of parenting? How can we rely on God more for the grace that we need and for the grace that our children need? Resources Find out more about our UK tour in March - Event in New Jersey with Array of Hope - Beloved
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MFP 315: 10 Things to Stop Doing in 2025
01/07/2025
MFP 315: 10 Things to Stop Doing in 2025
At the beginning of 2025 we want to challenge parents to step back and reassess their approach to family life by diving into 10 Things to Stop Doing in 2025. Are you focusing too much on your kids? Caught up in the frantic pace of life? Trying to "fix" your spouse or juggle it all? Let us give you some heartfelt encouragement to let go of habits that create stress, disconnection, and overwhelm. We guarantee this episode is packed with insights that will inspire you to parent with purpose and peace. Let’s start the year by simplifying, slowing down, and focusing on what really matters! Listen in and get ready to share and bookmark this episode to listen to again and again! Free Family Board Meeting Webinar:
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MFP 314: Seasons of Prayer for Parents
12/16/2024
MFP 314: Seasons of Prayer for Parents
“Be patient with everyone, but above all with yourself. I mean do not be disheartened by your imperfections, but always rise up with fresh courage” - St. Francis deSales Summary What God asks of us as parents is beyond our ability. We are all in need of God’s grace and that comes through prayer! Now, before you think, “I do not have time for prayer….” take a pause and listen to this episode. First, remember, we have been there! We had 3 kids under 3, 7 kids under 10 and then 10 under 16! We know that the crazy pace of life can make us feel like we can never catch our breath. That being said, we must persevere through the different seasons of life and make sure that we are consistently connected to the source of all life. Listen in to find ways of “sneaking in” prayer throughout your day, what you may have to let go of, and what you should be able to accomplish. Do not lose heart! Prayer is not only possible, but it is essential for us to live the life God is calling each of us to. Key Takeaways The spiritual responsibility of our home lies with parents and it always has. They are essential because they are the first witnesses of the faith to their children. You cannot be an effective parent without prayer Take advantage of all types of prayer, but we usually need to work the most on prayer of contemplation. This is where we grow in relationship with God in a personal way. If we need to grow it is going to cost us. There is no easy button. There are seasons in life, and our devotion needs to match it. Take advantage of the seasons of the year to start fresh! Couple Discussion Questions What type of prayer are we taking advantage of right now? How well are we doing it? How can we support each other in growing in our prayer life? Resources
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MFP 313: Surviving the Holidays with Grace
12/09/2024
MFP 313: Surviving the Holidays with Grace
Kids will not always remember what you say, they will remember how they felt. Summary We have talked about the time between Thanksgiving and New Year’s being the “Momolympics”, a time when there are tons of things to buy, make, prepare, plan, and basically the happiness of your children all depends on you (at least we feel that way!) How can parents embrace the holidays with children with grace and excitement? How can we keep in mind what is truly important for our family? In this episode we give some principles, but also LOTS of practical advice as we look back on all the different holidays we have had with our large family. Things look different now for us, but we can see in hindsight what worked well for us, and what was unnecessarily stressful! This is an amazing time of year and when you have kids the happy times are even more joy-filled, but the tough times can be really exhausting. We are here for you as you work to be intentional, even if you are a messy family! Key Takeaways The more you plan in advance the less rushed you are going to be. This will help you simplify so you can focus on what really matters. Keep in mind the order of your family culture! Spiritual life of the home, marriage, relationships, developing gifts and then the operations of the family. Get the kids involved! When they own traditions, it strengthens your family culture when they take on responsibilities for the holidays. Couple Discussion Questions What are the traditions that we want to double down on and make sure they happen this year? How are we going to reduce stress and delegate work to the kids? What is our plan to get them involved? Resources by Regina Schmiedicke MFP267:
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MFP 312: The Well Ordered Family
12/02/2024
MFP 312: The Well Ordered Family
Graces can flow into your home when nature is in its proper place. - Connor Gallagher, The Well-Ordered Family Summary Do you yearn for more order and clarity within your family? Is the chaos and busyness of modern life unsettling the harmony of your household? In this podcast, we interview Conor Gallagher, CEO of multiple businesses and father of sixteen, to talk to him about a transformative system that will restore peace and joy in your household. We love using business principles to improve family life, and in the Well-Ordered Family, Conor does just that! Join us for this conversation and find out why its good to realize that we all have systems in our home, how to get control of those systems, and why it is essential that parents not fall into a victim mentality. Find more about The Well-Ordered Family at Key Takeaways We all operate with systems in the home whether we realize it or not. The question is, are these systems effective? There are many policies that families need to implement, but if you have to start with one, start with your tech policy! When you are trying to get control of your family life, start by asking the question Why? Why are we trying to live a certain way? Parents need to be the architects of their family’s life and habits. No one else can do it for you. Couple Discussion Questions What are the systems in our home that most need attention right now? Are we falling into a victim mentality when it comes to running our home? How can we break out of that cycle?
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MFP 311: Family Roots - Mike's Irish Experience
11/25/2024
MFP 311: Family Roots - Mike's Irish Experience
In this episode, we dive into the beauty and power of family history. Mike shares the incredible story of his journey to Ireland—a dream rooted in a deep love for his heritage and a promise to pass it on to his children. From the ruins of his grandfather’s cottage to the windswept cliffs of the Aran Islands, the trip becomes a testament to the importance of staying connected to the past while building a legacy for the future. As we reflect on the stories of those who came before us, we’re reminded of the sacrifices and struggles that shaped who we are today. Alicia and Mike discuss how understanding our roots can ground us in our present and inspire us to leave a rich legacy for those who will follow. Whether it’s through reclaiming a family cottage or sharing stories with your kids, this episode is a call to embrace the sacred work of family. We also explore how the holiday season offers a perfect time to reconnect with family traditions. From meaningful Advent meditations to practical tools like the Family Board Meeting course, we’re excited to help you create a home that is intentional and full of life. ✨ A Few Takeaways: The power of family stories to shape our identity and inspire our future The importance of honoring both the joys and struggles in our family history How to talk with your kids about their roots in a meaningful way 🌟 Featured Resources: Beautiful Advent books with Jesse Tree meditations and ornaments The Family Board Meeting webinar on December 8th Exclusive Advent bundles to enrich your holiday traditions 🙏 Let’s pray together for the grace to live lives worthy of those who came before us, and to build homes filled with faith, hope, and love. 💖 If this episode speaks to you, consider supporting the mission of the Messy Family Project. Your generosity makes everything we do possible—from free resources to life-changing events. Together, we can strengthen families and inspire faith. #FamilyStories #HeritageAndHope #MessyFamilyProject #RootedInFaith
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MFP 310: Marriage, Teamwork, and Business - an interview with Dan and Brenda Vansteenburg
11/18/2024
MFP 310: Marriage, Teamwork, and Business - an interview with Dan and Brenda Vansteenburg
“Guided and strengthened by God’s grace, husband and wife advance their own perfection… and contribute jointly to the glory of God” ~ Gaudium et Spes Summary You should never marry someone with the idea that you can change them, but we do need to help our spouses become the best version of themselves. We all should have a vision, a belief that our spouse can be amazing and then work with them for their good. In this podcast, we hear the inspiring story of Dan and Brenda - a couple from two different families, faith backgrounds, and life philosophies. Though they were different, they were able to learn from each other and build an incredible life together by the grace of God. Through their story, we were able to draw out lessons that all of us can learn from.
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