Messy Family Podcast : Catholic Conversations on Marriage and Family

Parenting is not a clean-cut, simple process for those who like to follow the rules. Family life is messy and unpredictable, but it is the greatest adventure you will ever have. We are Mike and Alicia Hernon, parents of 10 children with a growing number of grandchildren, and we would like to invite you into some of the conversations we have had with each other about marriage, parenting, and Catholic family life. Our hope is that our conversation sparks a dialogue between you and your spouse that leads to greater unity and intentional Christian parenting in your home. Listen in to our podcast and start the conversation as we seek to lead our families to heaven. Visit us at https:///www/MessyFamilyProject.org for resources, guides, links and show notes.

MFP 349: Why Have Kids? an Interview with the author of Hannah’s Children 09/15/2025

MFP 349: Why Have Kids? an Interview with the author of Hannah’s Children “I think that bringing children into the world is like bringing holiness into the world.” - Catherine Pakaluk Summary In this episode, Mike and Alicia sit down with Catherine Pakaluk, economist and author of Hannah’s Children, to challenge common cultural myths about large families. Secular researchers often assume religious women have many children because they are oppressed, but Catherine explains why this is far from true. Instead, faith gives parents the conviction that children are a blessing and the true good of marriage. Struggles, dysfunction, or finances exist in every family, regardless of size—yet joy comes from embracing life, not avoiding it. Mothers discover their fullest potential through their children, and their joy isn’t tied to public opinion or material resources. Parenthood is priceless, a long-term collaboration with God, who always gives grace when we say yes to Him. Key Takeaways Secular researchers assume that religious women have many children because they are oppressed. This is a myth. A conviction formed by faith that children are a good of marriage is not irrational. Religious women often are more open to children because they see children as a blessing and their “yes” is an assent to receiving those blessings from God. Many people use their dysfunctions and struggles as an excuse to not have more children, but the reality is that those issues are present regardless of the number of children you have. Mothers achieve their full potential through their children. Most mothers of large families don’t care what people say because their joy doesn’t come from that anyway. Financial incentives to have children don’t work because most parents don’t need more material resources to have more children. Parenting is so valuable that money can’t buy it. It is priceless. Mothers should never focus on “being done”. Embrace your fertility and God will give you the grace when you need it. This is a long-term collaboration with the Lord. Couple Discussion Questions Do we talk about “being done”? Or do we talk about “getting started”? Do we see children as a blessing? Do we want more blessings in our lives right now? Resources Buy the book on Amazon: /episode/index/show/messyparenting/id/38216405

MFP 348: Field of Dreams for Families 09/08/2025

MFP 347 Families Under Fire - Facing Cultural Challenges 08/25/2025

MFP 347 Families Under Fire - Facing Cultural Challenges The family is where children discover how to be human. - Archbishop Charles Chaput Summary In this episode, Mike and Alicia tackle some of the toughest family challenges with honesty, humor, and hope. These questions were submitted to us at the Midwest Family Conference, but we never got to them! We talk about things like how to respond to a loved one with a temper or a dysfunctional family that seems to fight constantly. What practical steps can parents take to guard their family culture when outside influences pull in the opposite direction? Mike emphasizes the irreplaceable role of fathers—especially in having honest conversations with teenage sons about life’s toughest issues. Alicia offers encouragement for wives supporting their husbands as spiritual leaders, even in the messiness of daily life. Together, they share practical strategies for cultivating virtue—reminding parents that even when kids bring out our weaknesses, God uses family life to make us holy. Key Takeaways We always need to start with ourselves when we come up against difficult relationships in the family. All of us are to work on helping other family members - spouse and children - to grow in holiness. Your family culture needs to be strong to inoculate your children against the culture of the world. Parents’ love for each other and joy in their relationship is essential in bringing peace and positivity to the home. The father’s role in the life of his teen son and in the spiritual leadership of the home is irreplaceable. It is not your job to make your kids into saints - its their job to make you into a saint! Couple Discussion Questions What do we need to work on in our marriage to bring more love and joy into our home? How can we be a better example for our kids? Are there issues with our kids that we need to discuss? What do we need to improve in our family culture? Resources Anger in Parenting Preparing for Adolescence: Women Wonderfully Made Webinar /episode/index/show/messyparenting/id/37931275

MFP 346: Jake & Heather Khym on Discipleship, Parenting, and Authentic Connection 08/18/2025

MFP 346: Jake & Heather Khym on Discipleship, Parenting, and Authentic Connection "Discipleship isn’t about perfection—it’s about intimacy with Jesus. He is drawn to our weakness, not our strength." - Jake Khym Summary In this deeply insightful episode, Jake and Heather Khym explore one of the greatest challenges facing Catholics today: true discipleship. They share how the heart of a disciple embraces God as a good Father who desires intimacy over perfection. You'll hear powerful wisdom on parenting—letting go of the lie that we must “save” our children—and embracing our need for God. The Khyms also unpack how to navigate emotional overwhelm by slowing down and seeing ourselves through God’s eyes. Learn practical tools to build empathy and connection in marriage, like listening without judgment, advice, or blame. Finally, discover why we all need spiritual community throughout every stage of life. This episode is packed with grace, truth, and encouragement—don’t miss it! Key Takeaways The most significant challenge among Catholics today is discipleship. The heart of a disciple believes that God is a good Father. Jesus is not looking for us to be perfect or do everything right; instead, He desires intimacy with us. He is drawn to our weakness. Parents need to be aware of the heresy that we are our children’s saviors. We are not. They need God more than they need us. When we are overwhelmed by our emotions, we need first to slow down. Then see ourselves as God sees us. In building connection and empathy with our spouses, ask them to share with us their story, and then we need to hear that story without JAB - no judgment, advice, or blame. We all tend to be self-reliant, and that is why we need community at every stage, every season in our lives. Couple Discussion Questions On your next date night, take some time to hear the story of your spouse. This may be something that you think about ahead of time and prepare for. Sharing hearts and vulnerability in this way is key to a deeper relationship. How can we work at seeing ourselves and each other with the eyes of the Father? How can we see as God sees? /episode/index/show/messyparenting/id/37862215

MFP 345: The Tech Exit with Clare Morell 08/11/2025

MFP 345: The Tech Exit with Clare Morell “If we want our children to be happy and successful, if we want them to reach their highest potential in self-transcendence, then the most important thing we can do is replace screens with activities that turn their focus outward.” —Clare Morell Summary It’s no secret that addictive digital technologies like smartphones and social media apps are harming a generation of kids socially, mentally, and even physically. But a workable solution seems elusive. After all, don’t kids need phones, and won’t they be vulnerable or socially isolated without them? In this interview with Clare Morell, author of The Tech Exit, we discuss the lies parents have been sold about parental controls, screen-time limits, and even the effectiveness of screens in the classroom. There is another way! If you need a shot in the arm to make the break from tech, listen in and see how digital technology is anything but necessary for children to live happy, healthy, and socially full lives. Key Takeaways Putting limits on something immediately implies harm. Why are we choosing to expose our children to something that is harmful? Dopamine that is released when a child uses screens affects the brain like a drug and produces cravings, not satisfaction. Since screens have been in our schools, math and reading scores have hit an all time low. Replace screen time with responsibilities and tasks, as well as hobbies and play. Screens make us all feel like we don’t need other people. It decreases community inherently, Life is not about being constantly amused and entertained. We all need time for reflection, activity, and boredom. Couple Discussion Questions Are we happy with the screen time use in our home right now? Are we happy with our own screen time? How can we be better? How have screens affected our family life? What do we want to change about this? Resources Messy Family Guide to Tech: /episode/index/show/messyparenting/id/37744450

MFP 344: From Control to Connection: Disciplining Teens with Heart 08/04/2025

MFP 343: How to Love Your Family 07/28/2025

MFP 343: How to Love Your Family “The two great commandments name the three loves – loving God, loving neighbor, and loving yourself. All three loves are necessary and central to our Faith. All three.” - Dr. Peter Malinowski Summary How can I learn to truly love my family? The reality is that the degree to which you love yourself will be the maximum that you can love your family. Ordered self-love is not an optional thing – it’s essential. This is especially true for spouses and parents because their love is tied intimately to the full flourishing of others, namely, their children! We are made in God’s image and likeness, which means that, like the Trinity, we are constantly in relationship with others and even with ourselves. Learning to love ourselves directly affects how well we can love others. Listen in for advice from Dr. Peter Malinowski, Catholic psychologist and teacher in the field of therapy using Internal Family Systems. This podcast is essential to learn how to love your spouse and children well, by first learning to love yourself. Key Takeaways We are made in the image and likeness of God, which means that like the Trinity, we have the capacity for relationship within ourselves. The primary human relationship that we have is with ourselves, then others. 90% of conflicts with your spouse are a reaction to unresolved issues from the past, not what is happening in the present. The “innermost self” is the core of the person, who we really are. Our “parts” are small personalities inside of us who battle within us. Couple Discussion Questions How can you begin to see each other the way that God sees you? Think about a conflict you had recently. Ask your spouse, “Tell be about why you felt the way you did.” and be open to learning more. Resources To find a therapist: Interior Integration for Catholics podcast: Epidode 157 to 159 for an overview of IFS To learn more: /episode/index/show/messyparenting/id/37569520

MFP 342: Guidance on Tricky Topics 07/21/2025

MFP 342: Guidance on Tricky Topics Summary: Listen in as we respond to Catholic parents seeking guidance on navigating sensitive family issues through faith. One parent is concerned about supporting her 11-year-old daughter who expressed same-sex attraction after speaking with her bisexual sister. Another couple is figuring out how to explain same-sex relationships to their young children with both compassion and clarity about Church teaching. A mother balancing part-time parish work and parenting feels overwhelmed by her toddler’s distress and behavior changes. Others seek advice on newborn sleep training and resisting parenting product marketing. They all value faithful, practical support in raising children with love, discipline, and Catholic values amid modern challenges and we did our best to respond to them from our own experience - always giving principles but encouraging them to make their own choices. References: Being There: Why Prioritizing Motherhood in the First 3 Years Matters Age Appropriate: The Art of Raising Humans: Key Takeaways When a child is coming to sexual maturity around 11-13 it is a very sensitive time of development and parents need to be very careful about the messages those kids are receiving at that time. How we respond emotionally to alternative lifestyles is a powerful example to our children of how to love people who don’t share our values Kids, especially toddlers, have no idea how to express their emotions so we have to recognize what they are going through, even if it's not the ideal situation, and respond to it. The key to babies sleeping is routines! And getting them to a point when they are almost asleep, but not quite asleep. Give them support to fall asleep independently and little by little they will be able to do it! Every parent needs to take in the different philosophies of parenting and do what works for them! As children grow, you will respond to them differently - sometimes with more directives, and sometimes with more conversations. It all depends on their stage of development! /episode/index/show/messyparenting/id/37385015

MFP 341: Unleash the Holy Spirit in Your Family w/ Dr. Sean and Nicole Tobin from Encounter Ministries 07/14/2025

MFP 341: Unleash the Holy Spirit in Your Family w/ Dr. Sean and Nicole Tobin from Encounter Ministries “What do we feel is the first and last need of the Church? …the Spirit, the Holy Spirit…. He is her divine breath, the wind in her sails, the principle of her unity, the inner source of her light and strength.” - St. Paul VI Summary We can’t wait for you to hear this podcast! The week before Pentecost, we did a webinar with Dr. Sean and Nicole Tobin, a Catholic couple passionate about helping families live in the power of the Holy Spirit. Sean is a clinical psychologist, worship leader, and co-founder of the Divine Mercy Clinic and Nicole holds a master’s in Theology and co-founded the Los Angeles campus of the Encounter School of Ministry with Sean. Together, they speak and minister nationally, helping families become more fully alive in the Spirit through healing, activation, and practical faith formation. They came and spoke to our people about how the Holy Spirit can help us be the parents God wants us to be and the parents our children need. None of us can raise our kids alone! Not only do we need our spouses, but we also need God present in our lives every day through His Holy Spirit. Listen in to get some amazing wisdom and to learn how God wants to empower our parenting in a new way. Key Takeaways Desperation with expectation is an invitation to the Holy Spirit. Virtue does not come from us just “trying harder”, it comes as a fruit of the Holy Spirit. “What do we feel is the first and last need of this blessed and beloved Church of ours? We must say it, almost trembling and praying, because as you know well, this is the Church’s mystery and life: the Spirit, the Holy Spirit. He it is who animates and sanctifies the Church. He is her divine breath, the wind in her sails, the principle of her unity, the inner source of her light and strength.” Pope St Paul VI Heaven has been invading earth since Pentecost… it continues the mission of Christ in us. The biggest hindrance in our home is our busyness. We have to notice and be sensitive to the Holy Spirit. Tune in and listen. Children thrive in structure and routine, so teach them to give God the first and your best. Have them read scripture first thing, then pause and have them listen and journal each and every day. Healing is an easy first step - pray for this. Couple Discussion Questions What’s one way we can invite the Holy Spirit more deeply into our home? Is there something we need to surrender or ask God to heal in our family? /episode/index/show/messyparenting/id/37384545

MFP 340: Providence Over Panic 07/07/2025

MFP 339: Movies, kids, and imagination 06/30/2025

MFP 339: Movies, kids, and imagination "Fairy tales do not tell children the dragons exist. Children already know that dragons exist. Fairy tales tell children the dragons can be killed." - G.K. Chesterton Summary Movies shape more than behavior — they form the imagination, the moral compass, and the heart. Catholic parents are not merely protecting innocence; they are cultivating virtue and wonder. In this episode, we explore how stories shape our children, how to choose wisely, and how to use movies as part of a rich Catholic family culture. Jesus used stories to teach. So do we. Key Takeaways Here are four filters that parents can use to decide what movies to watch with their children: Content – Surface-level: language, nudity, violence, disrespect. Different for every family. Talk about this with spouse May change as the kids get older Context / Theme– Does it glorify sin, or does it show redemption? Does this movie affirm the dignity of the human person? What’s the movie saying about truth, identity, family, and faith? Does it honor the sacrificial nature of love? Does it support the family or undermine it? Is faith treated with reverence, or ridicule? Beauty Is it ugly?is does it nourish the soul and imagination? Is this edifying? Does it educate, challenge, or cause me to grow and bear good fruit? Character Arc – Are the heroes virtuous? Are sinners redeemed? Remember: It's not enough to avoid what is harmful. We must actively seek what is holy, good, and true. 🧰 Trusted Tools for Parents: IMDB parents guide - use this to search by adding your movie title — secular, but useful for content breakdowns. — faith-based reviews of current films. Catholic News Service Movie Reviews — Catholic perspective with theological commentary. Your Own Conscience — Don’t ignore the check in your spirit as a parent. /episode/index/show/messyparenting/id/37205580

MFP 338: Sharing the “Mental Load”? 06/23/2025

MFP 337: The Invincible Family 06/16/2025

MFP 337: The Invincible Family “True power is not dependent upon the invented honors of earth. True power is that which guides, shapes, carves, and claims the souls of men. And the souls of men are most often won and lost at the feet of mothers.” - Kimberly Ells Summary Does it feel like its harder to be a parent today than ever before? There are powers arrayed against the family - powers in secular philosophies, modern politics, and even our education system. The roots of these forces are deep and have been growing for years, but we are just now seeing their ugly fruit. We would like you to take some time to comprehend how these philosophies have affected your understanding of the roles of mothers, fathers, children, and the family as a social unit. This podcast was inspired by and draws from The Invincible Family by Kimberly Ells. The world needs parents more than ever! We hope this conversation inspires you to double down on being an intentional, and therefore, invincible family. Key Takeaways What is the ultimate goal of socialism, feminism, and sexual radicalism? To separate children from their parents by deceiving parents into giving up their rights to their children. Satan wants us to feel quaint, small, and insignificant. But the reality is that if we are going to change this world, we need to believe that what we are doing is mighty and important, and IRREPLACEABLE. Children are the future. Every revolutionary wants to control the children. Whoever controls the children controls the society. So the parent/child bond needs to be broken for secular forces to control our children. First, it started with Dad. Now they are working on unseating moms, taking her out of the home, denigrating having children, and being a mother. The best thing you can give your child is not education - the best you can give your child is YOU. Women cannot do everything men can do. And confident women are perfectly fine with this fact. /episode/index/show/messyparenting/id/37011805

MFP 336: What Would You Say to Your Younger Self? An Interview with Suzanne Bilodeau 06/09/2025

MFP 335: Safety-ism 06/02/2025

MFP 335: Safety-ism 'Cause I love you more than you could know And your heart, it grows every time it breaks I know that it might sound strange But I wish you pain - “Wish You Pain” by Andy Grammar Summary Every parent wants to keep their kids safe, but is it possible to keep them “too safe”? In this podcast episode we dive into the overwhelming cult of safety-ism, which makes keeping your child from all pain and suffering an idol. Children are really “antifragile” - meaning that they need to have an appropriate amount of stress physically, mentally and emotionally to be able to become resilient. Over-protecting and keeping kids from physical or emotional pain only makes them more anxious and risk-averse. We have lots of examples of giving kids freedom, and the results aren’t always what you think! Like so much of parenting, you need to keep in mind the stage of development your child is in to be able to expose them to appropriate risks. You don’t let your 12 yr old wander down a dark alley, but you should let them go into the grocery store alone. Listen in for some encouragement as well as tips and tricks to not keeping your kids safe, but making them strong! Key Takeaways Do all you can to keep kids in Discover Mode. Exploring is what kids do and it will keep them curious and confident. Don’t keep them safe, make them strong. Children will get hurt, get sick, get disappointed, cry with frustration…. Because they are human! Attachment to parents is key to give kids a secure base Fearful parenting keeps kids close too much and for too long Children need play-based childhood. Couple Discussion Questions How were we raised? Were we raised in a home that was in Discovery Mode or Defend Mode? Assess our family right now in light of safety vs. appropriate risk. How are our children being raised? What can we do to improve our family’s Discovery Mode for the long term benefit of our children? /episode/index/show/messyparenting/id/36812255

MFP 334: An Addiction, a Marriage, and a Priest 05/26/2025

MFP 334: An Addiction, a Marriage, and a Priest Our vows are for life, and we need overwhelming grace to live them out - Kevin Wells Summary If you ever thought your marriage was in such bad shape that you simply did not know what to do, this podcast is for you. We were so blessed to be able to talk to Kevin Wells, the author of The Hermit: The Priest Who Saved a Soul, a Marriage, and a Family. This interview is deep because Kevin and his wife Krista have been through the fire together and it is only by the grace of God that they both survived. Our discussion includes the indissolubility of the marriage vows, how marriage makes you holy sometimes by bringing you to the desert, and the powerful role that our priests can take in shepherding our souls and bringing Jesus to us. Kevin’s perspective is incredibly hopeful because he has seen the power of God! Take time to listen to his story and use the lessons he gives to draw closer to the source of life for all of our marriages - the Lord Himself. Key Takeaways When a person experiences shame, they always need an outlet for that shame. Sometimes its themselves and people turn inward, and sometimes it is someone else. Satan is a total jerk. He uses wounds from our childhood, when we were innocent victims, to beat us up and tell us the lie that we are not worthy of love. Every addiction is hiding a wound. To be truly free from addiction, that wound needs to be healed. When you are in the “desert” of a troubled marriage, the only way to get through is complete reliance on God. He calls us deeper into the desert to rest, abide, and surrender. Our vows are for life and this is an impossible task. It can only be accomplished by the grace of God Priests are custodians of the souls of those within their parish. When one of these souls is in error, they need the Holy Spirit to speak with firmness and candor. Anything less is false charity and false mercy. Couple Discussion Questions Are there areas of our life or marriage that aren’t completely surrendered to God? How can we surrender everything to Him? Are there priests in our lives who are true shepherds to us? How can we support and love our priest better? /episode/index/show/messyparenting/id/36708500

MFP 333: The Family Meeting 05/19/2025

MFP 332: The Seven Marks of Christian Forgiveness 05/12/2025

MFP 331: Let’s Talk About Husbands! Listener questions answered 05/05/2025

MFP 331: Let’s Talk About Husbands! Listener questions answered “If we accept that God’s love is unconditional, that the Father’s love cannot be bought or sold, then we will become capable of showing boundless love and forgiving others even if they have wronged us” - Pope Francis in Amoris Laetitia Summary: Becoming a husband and father is the biggest change a man goes through in his life. There is simply no better “life-coaching” than family life! But when men find their vocation difficult, it is usually their wives that they turn to or who observe this difficulty and have a desire to help. In this podcast, we hear from women who have questions about how to support and help their husbands overcome challenges at work, at home, and in their personal lives. So many wives want their husbands to be the best men they can be and overcome vices of sloth, anger, and lust but they aren’t sure how to help. Sometimes wives can take action, but in other situations, it's best for wives to be supportive and keep their advice to themselves. When do you know which is right? Listen in to find out! Key Takeaways Wives need to be very careful when it comes to giving husbands advice or correction regarding his relationship with work. It is a source of great respect for men, so this topic should be delicately considered. Men need to be needed. If wives are doing everything and then complaining that he isn’t stepping up, realize that you are probably doing too much. Overcoming anger requires introspection and being curious about why it arises within you at certain times. Usually the “trigger” is not really your child, but something that your child is doing or saying that is touching an unresolved issue in yourself. We need to take time to think about these things and give ourselves space to consider them and bring God into that situation so He can heal us. If you have a husband who is at a different place spiritually than you, be patient. Honor his journey as being different from your own. /episode/index/show/messyparenting/id/36421465

MFP 330: What Will Your Children Remember? 04/28/2025

MFP 329: Who is “God the Father”? 04/21/2025

MFP 328: Let Your Life Be a Witness, An interview with Chris and Molly McMahon 04/14/2025

MFP 328: Let Your Life Be a Witness, An interview with Chris and Molly McMahon "Never be embarrassed to love your wife." – Chris McMahon Summary What does it take to build a thriving business and a strong marriage at the same time? In this episode, Mike sits down with longtime friends Chris and Molly McMahon—financial advisors, founders, parents of five, and marriage warriors. Together, they unpack the real story behind balancing ambition with family, building a faith-filled home without a perfect blueprint, and making decisions that prioritize your marriage even when the world says otherwise. From the mess of early parenthood and maxed-out credit cards to spiritual renewal and raising adult kids with a legacy of love, the McMahons share wisdom from 36 years of marriage. Get ready for candid stories, practical advice, and heartfelt encouragement for couples trying to do it all without losing what matters most. Topics include: Why full transparency is non-negotiable in marriage How to prioritize your spouse even in seasons of hustle Reclaiming Sundays and breaking free from the “frantic family” pace Making faith central—even in business And don’t miss your chance to sign up for the Family Board Meeting, a transformative way to lead your family with intention: Key Takeaways Put your spouse first. Connect with them and make them a priority no matter what is happening at work. Talk about your spouse with love and respect always to others. Be a witness in the workplace. Put up a sacred image, hold a high standard for yourself and be bold about sharing your faith. Never accept the standards of the world for success. If you feel like both of you “have” to work to get ahead or buy a house, don’t accept that! Think outside the box Make time for the things that matter. Be intentional with how you spend your time and money. If God has blessed you, be a blessing to others. God will give you a mission - respond! Couple Discussion Questions How can we use our time intentionally to prioritize each other? How can we live in a way that puts our marriage first? What is the mission that God is asking us to go on two by two? What is the particular way we can serve Him as a married couple? /episode/index/show/messyparenting/id/36120895

MFP 327: Five Steps to Give You More Time 04/07/2025

MFP 327: Five Steps to Give You More Time The only way to not live constantly in the Urgent is to manage those things that are Important. Summary “How are you?” “BUSY!” Isn't that the response so many of us give when asked this question? How did we all get so busy and how do we get off the crazy train? Parents have as much time as anyone else (even though it doesn’t feel like it!) but they need to be more conscious than anyone else regarding how they spend the precious time they have. In this podcast, we give five steps that parents can use right now to use their time wisely. Using the Eisenhower matrix of Important/Urgent we will show you how to manage those things that are Important (children and all their needs!) so we aren’t always living in the Urgent. Parents must be careful on how they spend time because days turn into weeks, and then years, and then kids are gone! Childhood is short and we need to be very intentional on how we spend our precious time with our precious children. Key Takeaways We all need to evaluate how we are spending our time. If you always feel like you are putting out important fires, then you need to learn how to manage those things so your life isn’t always “urgent”. To make sure you take care of those relationships that are essential in your life, you have to schedule an appointment. Put on your schedule prayer time, date night, special time. One essential way to live a balanced life is to create routines that will build good habits for you and your children. Make your time purposeful. It's not always about the quantity of time, it's also the quality of that time. Keep in mind your mission! The mission of your family is to confer identity, belonging and purpose upon your children. If you don’t do it, they will seek that out from others and that is a scary prospect. Couple Discussion Questions Let’s evaluate our time. Are always putting out fires? Do we feel our life is frantic? How can we identify pain points and create routines to address them? What is the best way to use our time together? What are the needs in our marriage and how can we satisfy those needs when we are together? How can we use our time better with our children? What would they like to do? /episode/index/show/messyparenting/id/35924815

MFP 326: The Art of Raising Humans 03/24/2025

MFP 326: The Art of Raising Humans "God gives us our children to heal and transform us." - Kyle Wester Summary In many ways, being a parent is less about our kids and more about our own formation! When we lean into the vocation of parenthood, God can use every experience with our children to show us His love and to form us into the person He has created us to be. In this podcast, we talk to Kyle and Sara Wester, counselors and hosts of the podcast The Art of Raising Humans. During our conversation, they explained four different parenting styles that we move in and out of depending on our life circumstances, how our marriage is actually the most important parenting tool we have, and how our understanding of who we are in the eyes of God affects how we relate to our kids. This podcast is full of great insights for parents and we know you will gain from the Wester’s wisdom. Key Takeaways Children need to be taught relationship skills and correct behavior. The most powerful way they learn is by watching how you relate to your spouse. God gives us our children to heal and transform us. To love our children effectively, we need to first receive God’s love for us personally. Every conflict with our spouse or children is about expectations. When our child exhibits behavior that is inappropriate for a situation, we need to ask ourselves, “What is this behavior telling me about this child?” Discipline comes from discipleship and the foundation of discipleship is relationship. We all must work on having a deep and rich relationship with our children to form them. There are 4 different parenting styles that we move through depending on our life circumstances. We don’t always choose what is best, but we can keep in mind the goal of Loving Guidance and move towards that. Recommended books from the Westers: Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids by Dr. Laura Markham Easy to Love, Difficult to Discipline by by Rebecca Bailey Playful Parenting by Lawrence Cohen No Drama Discipline by Daniel J. Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson Couple Discussion Questions Are we happy with how we are modeling conflict resolution for our children? How can we do this better? What in our children do we see in ourselves? Write these things down. Do we love these things in ourselves? Why or why not? Resources: Facebook - Instagram - TikTok - /episode/index/show/messyparenting/id/35709685

MFP 325: Let’s Get Intimate… 03/17/2025

MFP 325: Let’s Get Intimate… “Lovemaking puts flesh on the vows that we exchange in marriage” - Byron and Francine Pirola Summary A few years ago in Australia, we met an amazing couple who we immediately wanted to share with our listeners. Byron and Francine Piroloa from Smart Loving, are on a mission to make marriages stronger all over the world and they are willing to talk about that subject that few couples will tackle - physical intimacy. We aired this podcast five years ago and it got such a great response that we decided to put it up again for all of you. Listen in as we talk to the Pirolas about how and why you should make time for sex, how the arousal pattern for men is different from women and why sex gets better and better the longer you are married! This is a podcast filled with wisdom, but also laughter and honesty. We hope you will enjoy listening as much as we enjoyed talking to them! Key Takeaways Anything precious and unique needs rules to be protected. That is why the Church gives us boundaries in this area to teach us how to be appropriately vulnerable in our marital relationships A person’s sexual prime is in their 20s, but our erotic prime is reached in our 50s. This is a culmination of our relationship and our intimacy that is built over time. Sexual relations can slip into the “recreational” category in our minds when we are trying to survive. The antidote is seeing sex as a sacred communication that needs to be prioritized. Desire, arousal, climax, resolution is a typical male pattern. For most women the pattern is different - arousal, or foreplay, creates desire in the woman. We need to work and train our brains to connect with our spouse emotionally, to be present, so the intimacy that we share emotionally and physically. Couple Discussion Questions How are we creating a romantic environment in our relationship? Where are we making space for marital relations? How are we opening our hearts to our spouse in lovemaking? Can we work on being present to our spouse and retrain our brains to focus on them? Resources /episode/index/show/messyparenting/id/35708135

MFP 324: Moving from Isolation to Unity 03/10/2025

MFP 324: Moving from Isolation to Unity Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. Genesis 2:24 Summary Unity between man and woman was God’s original plan, but the Fall not only broke our relationship with God, it also broke our relationship with each other. But the good news is that Jesus has given us grace in the sacrament of Matrimony so we can have a oneness in marriage that would be impossible otherwise! With unity, couples can handle anything life dishes out. Without it, even the easy things will seem hard. Couples need to constantly be striving for unity, because if spouses aren’t intentional, those marriages will drift apart! In this podcast, we will give you three tools - honoring, forgiveness, and vulnerability - that you can use to start moving towards your spouse. We need to intentionally use these tools to work towards the greater unity within the gift of marriage that God has for us. Key Takeaways All couples must strive for unity - if you float along, you will drift apart Unity was what we were made for, but the fall introduced distrust into the male/female relationships There are three things you can do to move towards unity: honoring, forgiveness, and vulnerability On the scale of Affirmation/Criticism, choose to honor your spouse, even publicly to build them up On the scale of Resentment/Forgiveness, choose to forgive them instead of being resentful of their shortcomings On the scale of Detachment/Intimacy we need to choose vulnerability and openness to our spouse. Couple Discussion Questions On a scale of 1-10, how are we doing in our unity? In which of the three areas can we do better? Which one of these three areas is the most challenging for me? Why do I think that is? Resources Free Mini-Marriage Retreat: Register for the Family Board Meeting! Easter Webinar Register here…. /episode/index/show/messyparenting/id/35560600

MFP 323: Desires, Vices, and Holiness for Parents 03/03/2025

MFP 323: Desires, Vices, and Holiness for Parents Vices are our disordered way of fulfilling our God-given good desires. Summary So many of us thought we were good people till we had kids, right? This is because kids expose our weaknesses and we need to be aware of them in order to overcome them. Listen in as we reveal Satan’s plan for you and lay out God’s great plan of using our rightly ordered desires to develop virtues and live according to His plan. The desires that God has put in our hearts for dignity, communion, justice, and peace are all good, but when we try to fulfill them on our own, they can lead to vice, or repeated bad habits. We do this because we are all fallen, wounded people! But the good news is that we just need to tap into learning how to satisfy those desires in the best way, which is what God intended for us. This is a snapshot from our video series we are doing for our Cana90 Fellowship this year. In that series, each vice gets its own video where we break it down and show how we as parents are particularly susceptible to falling into it. or the rest of the series! Key Takeaways Vices are our disordered desires. Every vice has a longing or desire behind it and a corresponding virtue to help overcome it. Parents struggle with vices in particular ways that may not have been evident before they had kids. Envy is the longing for Dignity and it comes from the fear that we will not be seen, known, and acknowledged. We get this from our Heavenly Father! Sloth is the longing for Peace and it causes us to choose a “fake peace” that comes from ignoring problems instead of working through them. Couple Discussion Questions Where do I struggle to act? What situations would I rather ignore than deal with? Write down some ideas. Try them each day one at a time. What is one thing I can do to make this room/situation/gathering better? How can I be proactive? Think of when someone else was kind to you. How did it make you feel? List 25 things you can do to make the lives of others around you more pleasant References Bishop Barron’s series on the Seven Deadly Sins Broken Gods by Dr. Gregory Popcak Cana90 Fellowship /episode/index/show/messyparenting/id/35494670

MFP 322: Dealing with Mouthy Teens 02/24/2025

MFP 322: Dealing with Mouthy Teens A problem with disrespect from a child always goes back to a dysfunction in the parent-child relationship. Summary When our sweet children enter the teen years and adolescence is upon them, something happens that tends to cause parents stress and dismay - back talk and disrespect. Some of this is immaturity on the part of the child and some is simply lack of training in relationships. It is our job as parents to teach our children how to express their feelings, disagree, and even debate while maintaining an attitude of respect towards us and therefore, other people in their lives. The family is the training ground for life! In this podcast we will give you some perspective on the struggles teens have, tell you what NOT to do and explain the Three C’s of responding to a mouthy teen. Listen in! Key Takeaways A disrespectful child is, simply put, someone no one wants to be around. But the good news is that parents can change this! We can help our child become someone we not just love, but like. Yelling, punishing, taking things personally, and debating with your teen does not work. Avoid these reactions. Tweens and teens need us to guide them on acceptable ways of speaking to others. This will help them be successful in many areas of life. CONTROL YOURSELF - If you are triggered by your teen and fly off the handle, ask yourself why and get your emotional life in order. CONSEQUENCES - It is our responsibility to help them see what happens when they don’t control their tongue. The world’s consequences will be much harder than ours! COACH - We need to point our teens towards adulthood so they can see we are not treating them as a child, we are teaching them how to be an adult. Couple Discussion Questions Are we happy with the way that our children speak to us? Can we identify areas of difficulty with them? What would be a quick, acceptable consequence for our child’s disrespect? Which one of us would be best to talk to them about this? How can we coach our child to do better? Links: Link to Cana90 https://messyfamilyproject.org/programs/cana90/ Link to Beloved Event https://arrayofhope.regfox.com/beloved /episode/index/show/messyparenting/id/35397725

MFP321: Fifty Years and Going Strong! 02/17/2025

MFP321: Fifty Years and Going Strong! A husband and wife may disagree on many things, but they must absolutely agree on this: to never, ever give up. Summary When we did our listener survey, you asked for interviews of regular families who have raised children through to adulthood with grace and courage. Well, we have a treat for you! A few years ago we met Brian and Joanna Simpson of London ONT who have run the Family Foundations Institute for the past 25 years. They also have 9 children and over 35 grandchildren and they are a witness to the goodness of God despite difficulty and heartache. In this episode, they tell some of their story, but also give wisdom to young families on what should be the most important things in your home and how to create a home focused on God and loving each other. We really enjoyed our time with them and we know you will too! Key Takeaways Forgiveness in the family is key - modeling it for the children with them and with your spouse. The husband as the head of the household is the one who carries the responsibility in the family, not only authority. Wise spouses realize that the best decisions are done together in unity. When tragedy and suffering happens in the family, as it inevitably will, God can still be present and make something truly beautiful out of it when we trust Him. Personal prayer and trust in God’s love for you is key to building a family of faith and prayer. When our conflict stays in the dark, the Evil One has more power. It is best to be honest and vulnerable, even if you don’t do it perfectly, because then you can work to actively build unity. Couple Discussion Questions What things are important to us in our household and how are we communicating that? How do we support each other in our roles as husband and wife/mom and dad in the family? Resources: Family Foundations Institute Link to Cana90 Link to Beloved Event /episode/index/show/messyparenting/id/35298075

MFP 320: Super Habits for the Family 02/10/2025

MFP 320: Super Habits for the Family Summary Have you ever wanted to stop yelling at your kids? Be more courteous to your spouse? Or be more orderly at home? Enter Super Habits! These are not just new things for you to learn to do, these are life-changing actions that will make you happier, healthier and more successful in many areas. In this interview, we spoke to Dr. Andrew Abela, author of the book Super Habits and his wife Kathleen who explained to us how to apply this book to family life. They gave us some great insights and showed us how Super Habits can be the answer to what we all need in our parenting and marriages. And the best part is that these habits are already present in us, we just need to activate them. Listen in! Key Takeaways Every virtue is a habit anyone can cultivate, not just a characteristic or personality trait. We can all grow and change. All new habits create new neurological pathways in our brains, but the advantage of Super Habits is that these are pathways that are native to us already, we already have the “muscles”; we just need to use them. Super habits do three things - they make us happier, healthier, and they have a positive effect on multiple areas of our lives. St. Thomas Aquinas has the best system of organizing the virtues! We all need fluency in the language of virtues. All growth in Super Habits is slow and steady so keep going! Virtue happens when we channel our desires correctly - not squash them. Growth in Super Habits is the answer to “helicopter” or “bulldozer” parenting We need to be aware of the full range of virtues for the full flourishing of the human person. Couple Discussion Questions In what ways have we already developed some Super Habits? How did we do that? What Super Habit will help us in our parenting? How can we support each other in cultivating it? Resources : sophiainstitute.com/product/super-habits/ : : superhabit.substack.com/ - messyfamilyproject.org/programs/cana90/ - arrayofhope.regfox.com/beloved /episode/index/show/messyparenting/id/35211550

Messy Family Podcast : Catholic Conversations on Marriage and Family

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