Episode 5 - Having a Plan

Episode 5

 

Having a Plan

 

I’m a planner. My brain just works much better when I have an agenda, some direction as to what happens next.

When the kids were young we would have Family Night. We’d play games, of which I am not a fan. Read a bit of a Bible story, have snacks, maybe watch a movie. Mort would read the comics to the boys before they went to sleep.

But whatever we were doing, I also had an agenda.

This perplexed my dear husband, who thought letting things just happen as they went along would be an awesome approach.

But I wanted to make sure that the various aspects of the evening were cozy. So I had an agenda. I didn’t pass it around like a business meeting. But planning is how my brain works.

At this time of year, with the changing seasons, school starting, holidays here before you know it, family and friends visiting, celebrations, presents to buy, planning can be beneficial.

You may not plan like I plan. But I tend to plan for the season. So May through September, when we have our short, but monthly, tent-camping vacations, I have the calendar all mapped out in February. I do that because the State Park reservations open in early February. So BEFORE that, I look at the calendar, get a feel for holidays, weddings, known events around which we work our own plans, and I then bring a printout of five months, and the list of potential camping places, to Mort. We get cozy in bed or over an adult beverage, and figure out where we think we’d like to go and when.

In February I block out the calendar so that I’m certain to be free for vacation.

For the last quarter of the year, I do similar things. But I don’t try to put too many activities into the months. Instead I am looking for spaces of rest and quiet that I can put into the schedule.

What is important to you for this upcoming season? What are the things that threaten to crowd out rest, and where are the places in these coming months where more money than usual will be spent?

 

Planning Finances

Figuring out the budget for all the activities and celebrations and activities is the next part of planning.  Very few people have an unlimited budget for all the things we could fit into our days.

But if we are keeping our eye on what we value, what’s really important to us, to you, how much money do we really need for those important things?

Visiting family is awesome, but if the money isn’t in the budget, if getting into debt is the only way to make this happen, is that really in everyone’s best interest? Maybe to you the debt is worth it. I would think long and hard about your family’s priorities.

Money and emotions are so tightly interwoven that it is nearly impossible to really talk about one without the other. When we dig in our heels on something, try to examine the thinking, the feeling, the emotions, behind the insistence.

Whose heart are we trying to salve with this spending? Determined that our own childhood hurts won’t ever happen to our kids? Feeling guilty because of a moody and possibly manipulative family member? Trying to please someone who only feels loved based on the amount you spend on their behalf?

As you plan for times of quiet, for times of busyness, for times of laughter and room for fun, look yourself squarely in the eye and examine the whys behind your desires. Talk to yourself and be practical- and loving. Think through what is up in your head, and heart, and make peace with how things are TODAY. Don’t relive times past. Be free of chains that drag you down. Be prudent, loving and fair to your spouse and kids, and not driven without thinking by possible unexamined emotion.

You know what I’m saying.  

Discuss the overall plans with your immediate family, spouse first. Get general consensus as they work through their expectations for what lies ahead.

Give time for folks to work things out in their own minds. Not all of us arrive at things the same way. Some make snap decisions, and others of us need time to mull things over. Before things get hectic, talk things over and make general plans.

And most of all, remember that you love each other and are working towards the same goals. You love each other. Remember.