Episode 96: Ride Or Die: Loving Through Tragedy, A Husband's Memoir (3 of 3)
My Spouse Died Too
The last doctor visit, and why Jane’s doctor cries. Hope discussion. Did Jarie have a hope stopping point, like I did? What love is. Jane’s last written words, delivered to Jarie, after Jane dies. Now, how Jarie lives each day, even if it’s a shytty day. Try this. Love after Jane. Is soon, too soon? Define soon. Dating and guilt. No one else knows your path. If you’re uncertain (scared to death) about dating, hear what Jarie says, because you might not have another shot. Quitting substances (except caffeine and orange-glazed scones). Jarie specifies his...
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Episode 95: Ride Or Die: Loving Through Tragedy, A Husband's Memoir (2 of 3)
My Spouse Died Too
Vaping to cope. THC and CBD. Jane needs Jarie to be her ROCK. Failure lump in Jarie’s throat. The feeling…how anxiety and stress manifest themselves. When Jarie, the man who loves a plan, asks himself “How am I going to fix this?” And then realizes “I can’t fix this!” Chemotherapy ravages—Jarie buzzes off Jane’s long black hair. Freezing your embryos. Jarie and I have a gut-wrenching intimate discussion. Discussing death with your dying spouse. So hard. How a guardian angel social worker puts things into clear focus. Jarie describes the best gift he’s ever had:...
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Episode 94: Ride Or Die: Loving Through Tragedy, A Husband's Memoir (1 of 3)
My Spouse Died Too
If you marry, and mark your day with ceremony, you might include these wedding vows: To have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love, cherish, and to obey, till death do us part. Half-easy to recite, but fulfill—a Sisyphean effort. Widowed guest co-host and author Jarie Bolander joins us. Jarie’s book is titled: Ride Or Die: Loving Through Tragedy, A Husband’s Memoir. Jarie’s memoir, a poignant tribute to his late spouse Jane, is a testament to the power of love and commitment those exact wedding...
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Episode 93: My Husband Died. Damn It. (3 of 3)
My Spouse Died Too
Gut-busting, emphatic, grand finale. First, listen someplace where it’s safe to pee your pants. Why Susan’s Uber driver advises her to lock the hotel door and under no circumstances come out until morning. Pretending all is okay--when it’s not. Telling your family to shut the fuctuplets up. Is God kept on retainer? The High School Provocative Classmates Widow Group. Susan Can’t imagine falling in love again. Oh God, I’m blushing. Can you say vi-vi-vibrators? Life’s three stages according to Susan: what sex, food, and bowel movements have in common. Women pee their...
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Episode 92: My Husband Died. Damn It. (2 of 3)
My Spouse Died Too
Morphine, ahhhhh. Mark’s last days. Wait, what about Sofie, Mark’s dying dog? The last goodbye. Mark and Sofie wear American football team Green Bay Packers sweatshirts. From the Woo Woo and Taboo Department: before Susan’s birth, her mom bore a son. He died at birth. Like a shameful secret, never discussed. So how does Susan’s four-year-old son know about Susan’s late infant brother? Now alone, Susan says “F#@k it, I don’t want to cook!” After Mark dies, Susan is pissed off at Mark. Susan discusses the metaphorical burden she carries and how she sheds it. Living alone...
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Episode 91: My Husband Died. Damn It. (1 of 3)
My Spouse Died Too
Widowed dynamo Susan Yelton jumps into action as my guest co-host in this first episode of a whirl-wind 3 part series. The series makes you: question, agree, cry, laugh, piss you off, shake your head and your fist, say oh my gosh, and holy shyt. Susan even makes me blush! In a later episode we talk about sexuality…just listen for yourself. You hear me turn red. A Baptist preacher’s daughter, at age 16, Susan meets Mark. A long-haired guitar-strumming 19-year-old. Akin to a 60’s folk singer. Instantly in love. Three years later they marry, and stay that way for fifty-two years until...
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Episode 90: My Ex Died. Grief Ambushed Me. (3 of 3)
My Spouse Died Too
“Are you sitting down?” When you answer your phone and the caller says this, does lousy news always ensue? Kady ruminates over how to deliver bad news to her teen daughter. Grief ambushes Kady. Kady details her what-ifs. Mourning what you thought could be. What Kady believes causes her grief—an eloquent explanation. Can death deliver relief? Kady’s fear-filled recurring nightmare about Mikey. If you haven't listened to Parts 1 or 2, link here: More EX grief stories? Listen to my sister Vickey's episode 11: . (Vickey grieves the loss of an ex-husband. Ken,...
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Episode 89: My Ex Died. Grief Ambushed Me. (2 of 3)
My Spouse Died Too
Kady gives Mikey an ultimatum. Mother’s little helper (the Xanax kind). Granting extra chances (breaking boundaries to stanch your pain and unease?) Kady says, “I don’t need a man." Meet Kady's condominium complex busybody matchmaker, aka, Miss Pat. Wisdom from grandma. A suicide threat. Might Kady move in with a man? A poignant proposal. And Kady gets an unforeseen telephone call about her ex, Mikey. If you haven't listened to Part 1, here's the link: More grief from an Ex? Then here's the link to my sister Vickey's episode 11: Yes, and... Before you split, Because you shouldn't...
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Episode 88: My Ex Died. Grief Ambushed Me. (1 of 3)
My Spouse Died Too
You might label Kady’s Ex a “major dyck head.” Today, Kady and her new husband celebrate ten-plus years with two kids—a teen and a five-year-old. (The Ex fathered Kady’s teen). And then Kady’s Ex dies. Grief ambushes Kady. Secretly grieving, Kady struggles to make sense of it. Embarrassment and shame pile on. Kady doesn’t want to tell anyone. And why might someone grieve the death of a major dyck head? This three-part series details awkward young love, endearing qualities, substance abuse, loss of innocence, teen pregnancy, immaturity, growing up too...
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Episode 87: LOSS and GRIEF: Personal Stories of Doctors and Other Healthcare Professionals (2 of 2)
My Spouse Died Too
Welcome to part 2: Loss and Grief Personal Stories of Doctors and Other Healthcare Professionals, with my guest co-host Linda Klein. Linda is co-editor of the book Loss and Grief Personal Stories of Doctors and Other Healthcare Professionals. I shamelessly ripped off the book’s title for the podcast episode title because it makes sense. If you haven’t listened to part 1, please do that first to avoid brain freeze. Here's the . In this final episode, we pick up where we left off from part one. I finish reading a once-upon-a-time story and then read one more tremendous story of spousal...
info_outlineWidowed guest co-host Dr. Jennifer Katz joins us. Dr. Katz is a tenured Professor of Clinical Psychology at the State University of New York at Geneseo.
Dr. Katz just published her book: The Good Widow - A Memoir of Living with Loss. Dr. Katz goes by Jenny.
It’s August 2018, Jenny and her husband Tris have a fifteen-year-old daughter, Maddy, and a twenty-seven-year-old son, Jonah.
Two relaxed weeks before Jenny’s university work starts full-force for fall, Jenny and daughter Maddy go out for an early-morning breakfast. Life is good.
After breakfast, they meet one of Jenny’s former students for coffee. While enjoying coffee, Jenny sees a text from her husband and the text says “May be having heart attack. Called 911. Ambulance on the way.”
Jenny and Maddy dash from coffee to car, to hospital, expecting to see Tris alive in the ICU.
Instead, Jenny and Maddy are placed in a tiny dull private waiting room— where doctors deliver a diagnosis, prognosis, or finality.
Eventually, a medical resident and social worker enter to deliver the news. “I’m sorry, your husband died. He seemed to have had a heart attack. We were unable to revive him although we tried everything we could.”
Jenny is catapulted into the eye of a widow’s hurricane.
You know I don’t bring authors onto the podcast unless I’ve read their book, and feel their words can bring value and healing to you, my dear listener.
The Good Widow delivers exponentially!
Jenny’s crystal clear prose is gorgeous and gut-wrenching. From death to dating, Jenny bares her heart—the vulnerable, the private, and the raw.
And there are blessings in her book.
Just one example, for me it’s laced with kindly convicting lessons on how to treat your spouse so you both enjoy a love-filled and intimate relationship ’til death do you part.
Jenny details how Tris treated her and communicated with her. I took too much for granted when my spouse was alive. I can’t change my past. I can’t control the future. But I can still learn from others and live a more fulfilled life.
Thank you Tris for being a role model.
I had such an exhilarating time, Jenny and I talked for hours and there’s so much we didn’t cover.
The links to order Jenny’s book and blog website are below. If you are a member of the My Spouse Died Too community email list, you’ll get the links in your Behind-The-Scenes email.
Jennifer Katz's website, blog, and book discussion questions:
Bullets
- Happy Birthday Jenny
- Deathiversary Toasts
- The Weird Man--He Became My Husband
- The Cannolis
- I'm Infertile...Go Home
- He Died. How Am I Suppose To Be A Parent?
- Courting Lessons
- He's Trauma Man--What I Was Wrong About
- I Have A Short Life Expectancy
- Celebrate Hard
- Post Traumatic Growth
- The Breakfast Text
- Grief Is Unforgiving
- Feeling Seen
- Back To Work In Two Weeks
- Feeling Like A Liar--An Imposter
- The Empathy Meter
- No Sleep For Nine Months
- You Can't Handle The Truth!
- The Saddest Thing
- The Practical Fantasy
- Hokey Woo-Woo
- Bone Cold
Thanks for listening. Join us for part 2 of 4.
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Hope. Heal. Find love again.
~ Emeric
My Spouse Died Too podcast, images, logos, artwork copyright © 2019-2021 by Emeric McCleary. Music and lyrics © 2019-2021 by Emeric McCleary and Elena McCleary