My Spouse Died Too

The My Spouse Died Too podcast gives you hope, so you can heal, find love again, and give grief the middle finger. You're not alone, because My Spouse Died Too. My name is Emeric McCleary. I'm your host. Join me and our widowed guests. This ain't your Grandma's grief group!

Episode 96: Ride Or Die: Loving Through Tragedy, A Husband's Memoir (3 of 3) 04/16/2024

Episode 95: Ride Or Die: Loving Through Tragedy, A Husband's Memoir (2 of 3) 04/09/2024

Episode 94: Ride Or Die: Loving Through Tragedy, A Husband's Memoir (1 of 3) 04/03/2024

Episode 94: Ride Or Die: Loving Through Tragedy, A Husband's Memoir (1 of 3) If you marry, and mark your day with ceremony, you might include these wedding vows: To have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love, cherish, and to obey, till death do us part. Half-easy to recite, but fulfill—a Sisyphean effort. Widowed guest co-host and author Jarie Bolander joins us. Jarie’s book is titled: Ride Or Die: Loving Through Tragedy, A Husband’s Memoir. Jarie’s memoir, a poignant tribute to his late spouse Jane, is a testament to the power of love and commitment those exact wedding vows embody. Here’s the set-up… Friday, the day after Christmas 2015. Married less than two years, Jarie and Jane are San Francisco’s young attractive power couple. Jarie is 45, a Silicon Valley engineer, entrepreneur, seven-book author, podcaster, blogger, and working on another start-up. Jarie is a highly functional introvert. Jarie’s spouse Jane, an outright extrovert, runs the public relations firm she founded. A quenchless zest for life fills Jane, a 35-year-old fireball. Jarie and Jane work on making a baby. But after two miscarriages…diagnostic blood tests become routine. Now, the day after Christmas—after spending a few hectically fun-filled days at Jane’s parent’s house, it’s time to drive the thirty-five-plus minutes home to San Francisco. Jarie looks forward to getting home midday and relaxing a bit before their restaurant dinner date. But Jane insists on having her next routine blood draw today. Jarie protests why Jane can’t wait until the next week because it’s barely the day after Christmas AND it’s a Friday. The walk-in-no-appointment-necessary laboratory is on the way home. It’s quick. Blood drawn. 35 minutes later, Jane and Jarie arrive home, unpack, and put their luggage away. Jane’s cell phone rings. An unknown caller. Jarie says ignore it. Jane answers because restaurants often call to confirm reservations. The restaurant is not the caller--the medical facility calls. Jane’s blood test results signal concern. The caller wants Jane to test more NOW. Please come into the hospital via the Emergency Room entrance. Jarie and Jane enter the ER entrance. And straight away, escorted into a curtained section. Not even 6 minutes pass, two doctors enter. After introductions, one doctor asks Jane do you know why you’re here? Jane says, because I was told over the phone my blood test was abnormal. The doctor agrees. The doctors also ask about the small patches of red dots on Jane’s tummy. The red dots appeared after the last miscarriage—severe cramping often bursts tiny surface blood vessels. Jane asks why, what about the red dots—and the doctors say they need an opinion from the on-call oncologist. Oncologist? Why an oncologist? One doctor says, well, we’re not exactly sure, but it looks like you might have…leukemia. Jarie’s book is the first I’ve read written from a widowed Man’s viewpoint. Jarie’s memoir NAILS it. So much echoes my own once-upon-a-time story. Jarie hands you his heart, his fears, his perceived failings. Weaknesses. Strengths. Obsessions. Addictions. Things you only tell your therapist. Jarie’s experience might parallel yours. For example, as men, we were raised to be protectors, not caregivers. An old-fashioned male archetype? In our DNA? Jarie painstakingly details his caregiving odyssey. Losing himself in Jane’s sickness, he copes by numbing. Alcohol. Pot, Caffeine. His therapist doesn’t know to what extent. Jane’s health declines. Jarie can’t protect Jane. His self-perceived failure persecutes him. And from diagnosis to death, not even 18 months pass. Kindly observe what happens after Jane’s death. Because Jarie continues his lionhearted pilgrimage— through grief and anger— to find himself, and love again. Link to Jarie’s website where you can purchase his book and learn about everything Jarie. Thanks for listening. Join us for part 2 of 3. Yes, and... Because you shouldn't have to journey alone, join me in the My Spouse Died Too community email list for members-only benefits: Behind-the-scenes commentary gives you deeper insight--helps you heal. Episode alerts so you'll know when a new episode is ready. Updates on past podcast guests because their journeys continue too. Plus more thoughts, resources, and random widowed journey stuff I discover. And it's the best way to contact me. Because you shouldn't have to journey alone. Sign-up takes less than thirty-two seconds. Here's the link: . Hope. Heal. Find love again. Give Grief The Middle Finger. ~ Emeric My Spouse Died Too podcast, images, logos, artwork copyright © 2019-2024 by Emeric McCleary. Music and lyrics © 2019-2024 by Emeric McCleary and Elena McCleary. /episode/index/show/myspousediedtoo/id/30584508

Episode 93: My Husband Died. Damn It. (3 of 3) 01/23/2024

Episode 92: My Husband Died. Damn It. (2 of 3) 01/16/2024

Episode 92: My Husband Died. Damn It. (2 of 3) Morphine, ahhhhh. Mark’s last days. Wait, what about Sofie, Mark’s dying dog? The last goodbye. Mark and Sofie wear American football team Green Bay Packers sweatshirts. From the Woo Woo and Taboo Department: before Susan’s birth, her mom bore a son. He died at birth. Like a shameful secret, never discussed. So how does Susan’s four-year-old son know about Susan’s late infant brother? Now alone, Susan says “F#@k it, I don’t want to cook!” After Mark dies, Susan is pissed off at Mark. Susan discusses the metaphorical burden she carries and how she sheds it. Living alone and liking it, without guilt. Susan’s kids don’t think she has it “all together.” Susan lies to her kids! She reveals when and why. You might employ the tactic. Soon after Mark dies, Susan, her kids, and grandkids go away for a much-needed beach vacation. What happens in 24 hours, when you add fresh grief, plus all-day-on-the-beach Bloody Marys, plus Mark’s favorite Merle Haggard country music? You get a military-strength family explosion—followed by passive-aggressive silent treatment. But wait, there’s more. Go and listen. If you haven't listened to Part 1, avoid rickets. Link here: Thanks for listening. Join us for the grand finale, part 3. Yes, and... Because you shouldn't have to journey alone, join me in the My Spouse Died Too community email list for members-only benefits: Behind-the-scenes commentary gives you deeper insight--helps you heal. Episode alerts so you'll know when a new episode is ready. Updates on past podcast guests because their journeys continue too. Plus more thoughts, resources, and random widowed journey stuff I discover. And it's the best way to contact me. Because you shouldn't have to journey alone. Sign-up takes less than thirty-two seconds. Here's the link: . Hope. Heal. Find love again. Give Grief The Middle Finger. ~ Emeric My Spouse Died Too podcast, images, logos, artwork copyright © 2019-2024 by Emeric McCleary. Music and lyrics © 2019-2024 by Emeric McCleary and Elena McCleary. /episode/index/show/myspousediedtoo/id/29429068

Episode 91: My Husband Died. Damn It. (1 of 3) 01/09/2024

Episode 91: My Husband Died. Damn It. (1 of 3) Widowed dynamo Susan Yelton jumps into action as my guest co-host in this first episode of a whirl-wind 3 part series. The series makes you: question, agree, cry, laugh, piss you off, shake your head and your fist, say oh my gosh, and holy shyt. Susan even makes me blush! In a later episode we talk about sexuality…just listen for yourself. You hear me turn red. A Baptist preacher’s daughter, at age 16, Susan meets Mark. A long-haired guitar-strumming 19-year-old. Akin to a 60’s folk singer. Instantly in love. Three years later they marry, and stay that way for fifty-two years until death do you part. But not without a roller coaster ride. Alcoholism, shame-filled cover-ups, and how they saved their marriage. Then two and a half years ago, Mark got sick. You’ll hear about Gloria Vanderbilt the cat, and Sophie the dog. Sophie’s dying too… she won’t leave Mark’s side. You see how and why Susan keeps Sophie alive. The harsh reality of hospice. Why Mark administers his morphine. Susan won’t administer it because a mysterious morphine experience haunts her. And so much more… Whether you’re 25 or 95 years old, priceless gems emerge—warnings, lessons, and advice. Thanks for listening. Join us for part 2 of 3. Because you shouldn't have to journey alone, join me in the My Spouse Died Too community email list for members-only benefits: Behind-the-scenes commentary gives you deeper insight--helps you heal. Episode alerts so you'll know when a new episode is ready. Updates on past podcast guests because their journeys continue too. Plus more thoughts, resources, and random widowed journey stuff I discover. And it's the best way to contact me. Because you shouldn't have to journey alone. Sign-up takes less than thirty-two seconds. Here's the link: . Hope. Heal. Find love again. Give Grief The Middle Finger. ~ Emeric My Spouse Died Too podcast, images, logos, artwork copyright © 2019-2024 by Emeric McCleary. Music and lyrics © 2019-2024 by Emeric McCleary and Elena McCleary. /episode/index/show/myspousediedtoo/id/29397538

Episode 90: My Ex Died. Grief Ambushed Me. (3 of 3) 08/08/2023

Episode 89: My Ex Died. Grief Ambushed Me. (2 of 3) 08/01/2023

Episode 88: My Ex Died. Grief Ambushed Me. (1 of 3) 07/25/2023

Episode 87: LOSS and GRIEF: Personal Stories of Doctors and Other Healthcare Professionals (2 of 2) 03/21/2023

Episode 87: LOSS and GRIEF: Personal Stories of Doctors and Other Healthcare Professionals (2 of 2) Welcome to part 2: Loss and Grief Personal Stories of Doctors and Other Healthcare Professionals, with my guest co-host Linda Klein. Linda is co-editor of the book Loss and Grief Personal Stories of Doctors and Other Healthcare Professionals. I shamelessly ripped off the book’s title for the podcast episode title because it makes sense. If you haven’t listened to part 1, please do that first to avoid brain freeze. Here's the . In this final episode, we pick up where we left off from part one. I finish reading a once-upon-a-time story and then read one more tremendous story of spousal loss. You’ll hear the author’s thoughts on erasing the late spouse’s last voice message. Sitting Shiva. How a piece of us dies with the dying. Does joy eventually outweigh the sadness? Resilience. Wedding ring conundrums (or How NOT to remove your wedding ring). The Mission: Normalizing loss and grief amongst doctors and healthcare professionals. And a whole lot more. Enjoy this final chitchat with book co-editor and guest co-host Linda Klein. Thanks for listening. If you haven't heard part 1, here's the . Buy the book at Amazon. Here's the link: Our House Grief Support Center link: Because you shouldn't have to journey alone, join me in the My Spouse Died Too community email list for members-only benefits: Behind-the-scenes commentary gives you deeper insight--helps you heal. Episode alerts so you'll know when a new episode is ready. Updates on past podcast guests because their journeys continue too. Plus more thoughts, resources, and random widowed journey stuff I discover. And it's the best way to contact me. Because you shouldn't have to journey alone. Sign-up takes less than thirty-two seconds. Here's the link: . Hope. Heal. Find love again. Give Grief The Middle Finger. ~ Emeric My Spouse Died Too podcast, images, logos, artwork copyright © 2019-2023 by Emeric McCleary. Music and lyrics © 2019-2023 by Emeric McCleary and Elena McCleary. /episode/index/show/myspousediedtoo/id/26242842

Episode 86: LOSS and GRIEF: Personal Stories of Doctors and Other Healthcare Professionals (1 of 2) 03/14/2023

Episode 86: LOSS and GRIEF: Personal Stories of Doctors and Other Healthcare Professionals (1 of 2) Why do professionals, surrounded by death, loss, and grief, think they must hold their shyt together for their patients, family, and themselves? For years, these professionals have been expected to bury their emotions, suck it up, and move on. Present stoically. No one must know if you seek therapy. Any sign of grief is weakness. A liability. A career impediment. What will my colleagues think of me? What will my patients think of me? What will my family think of me? I’m a pro. I can’t lose my shyt. But no one, no one is spared the pain of loss, the grief, that yearning for what you can no longer have. Loss and Grief Personal Stories of Doctors and other healthcare Professionals launches the mission to normalize loss and grief, for the very same professionals who work smack dab everyday chin deep in the loss and grief swamp. The book has 17 stories of loss and grief, each story from a different writer. As the book title suggests, the writers are all involved with death and dying: oncologists, psychologists, therapists, and other professionals who work with loss and grief daily. 5 writers, write about losing their spouse. The other 12 stories concern losses, for example—parent, sibling, friend, and loss of identity. At first, I was distressed about recommending a book that includes losses other than spousal, but each of the five widowed writers could be on the podcast telling their once-upon-a-time story. And in these episodes, I read to you, two heartfelt poignant stories. It takes tremendous courage to be vulnerable, to spill your guts. If you know someone who works in this environment, consider gifting them this book! I hope this request becomes obvious after you listen. Thanks for listening. Buy the book at Amazon. Here's the link: Our House Grief Support Center link: Because you shouldn't have to journey alone, join me in the My Spouse Died Too community email list for members-only benefits: Behind-the-scenes commentary gives you deeper insight--helps you heal. Episode alerts so you'll know when a new episode is ready. Updates on past podcast guests because their journeys continue too. Plus more thoughts, resources, and random widowed journey stuff I discover. And it's the best way to contact me. Because you shouldn't have to journey alone. Sign-up takes less than thirty-two seconds. Here's the link: . Hope. Heal. Find love again. Give Grief The Middle Finger. ~ Emeric My Spouse Died Too podcast, images, logos, artwork copyright © 2019-2023 by Emeric McCleary. Music and lyrics © 2019-2023 by Emeric McCleary and Elena McCleary. /episode/index/show/myspousediedtoo/id/26170701

Episode 85: Available As Is: A Midlife Widow's Search For Love (3 of 3) 09/29/2022

Episode 85: Available As Is: A Midlife Widow's Search For Love (3 of 3) Do men only care about this one thing? Putting up with abuse for too long? The Devil you know vs. The Devil you don’t. Is online dating a parade of emotionally bankrupt individuals? Reality check: Recovery from losing your spouse… is bloody and painful. Debbie’s next devastating loss—her girlfriend group abandons her. Hear why. Beware, the astonishing power of loneliness. Waiting too long to move out of the home where you lived with your spouse? The length of time to find joy after loss. Chivalry is not dead—but, on life support? Looking for a long-term forever commitment—does Debbie discover it? And scores more! Please embrace this final powerful poignant episode with my widowed guest co-host Debbie Weiss. If you haven't listened to parts 1 or 2, please do. Links: The link to order Debbie’s book Available As Is - A Midlife Widow's Search for Love and the blog website is below. If you are a member of the My Spouse Died Too community email list, you’ll get the link in your Behind-The-Scenes email. If you aren't a member, take 32 seconds and sign up at . The link to Debbie Weiss's website, blog, and to buy her book: Thanks for listening. Because you shouldn't have to journey alone, join me in the My Spouse Died Too community email list for members-only benefits: Behind-the-scenes commentary gives you deeper insight--helps you heal. Episode alerts so you'll know when a new episode is ready. Updates on past podcast guests because their journeys continue too. Plus more thoughts, resources, and random widowed journey stuff I discover. And it's the best way to contact me. Because you shouldn't have to journey alone. Sign-up takes less than thirty-two seconds. Here's the link: . Hope. Heal. Find love again. Give Grief The Middle Finger. ~ Emeric My Spouse Died Too podcast, images, logos, artwork copyright © 2019-2022 by Emeric McCleary. Music and lyrics © 2019-2022 by Emeric McCleary and Elena McCleary. /episode/index/show/myspousediedtoo/id/24504429

Episode 84: Available As Is: A Midlife Widow's Search For Love (2 of 3) 09/22/2022

Episode 83: Available As Is: A Midlife Widow's Search For Love (1 of 3) 09/15/2022

Episode 83: Available As Is: A Midlife Widow's Search For Love (1 of 3) Widowed guest co-host Debbie Weiss joins us. Debbie is an author and blogger from the San Francisco Bay area. Debbie just published her memoir: Available As Is - A Midlife Widow's Search For Love Since Debbie's high school prom, George is her man. For over 30 years, Debbie and George dine together almost every night—then curl up in bed to wake up each morning beside each other. After meeting a mission-critical deadline, George, a silicon valley workaholic engineer, finally seeks medical attention for a strange lesion on his chest. Results? A rare cancer diagnosis. But George keeps Debbie in the dark. George never truly divulges his condition, progress, or lack thereof. George even legally forbids his medical teams from disclosing information to Debbie! Why did George do this? Was he protecting Debbie? His elderly parents? Something else? George passes. Debbie's world stops. She's barely fifty years old. What now? Where to start? Deb’s unvarnished dark-humored once-upon-a-time story reveals her loss of identity, disabling grief, shame, naiveté, discovery, perseverance, forgiveness, grace, and hope. Debbie Weiss's website, blog, and link to buy her book. Thanks for listening. Join us for part 2 of 3. Because you shouldn't have to journey alone, join me in the My Spouse Died Too community email list for members-only benefits: Behind-the-scenes commentary gives you deeper insight--helps you heal. Episode alerts so you'll know when a new episode is ready. Updates on past podcast guests because their journeys continue too. Plus more thoughts, resources, and random widowed journey stuff I discover. And it's the best way to contact me. Because you shouldn't have to journey alone. Sign-up takes less than thirty-two seconds. Here's the link: . Hope. Heal. Find love again. Give Grief The Middle Finger. ~ Emeric My Spouse Died Too podcast, images, logos, artwork copyright © 2019-2022 by Emeric McCleary. Music and lyrics © 2019-2022 by Emeric McCleary and Elena McCleary. /episode/index/show/myspousediedtoo/id/24378864

Episode 82: Widowed Dad With A Toddler (3 of 3) 06/21/2022

Episode 82: Widowed Dad With A Toddler (3 of 3) In this final episode, Derek goes back to work and details his challenges as a single dad. Then Derek describes how his impulsive Facebook birthday wishes to a former high school classmate four months after Emily passed, turn into a coffee date…and more. Now, Derek contemplates dating, the timing since Emily’s death, and the confusion he feels, mixed with grief. Derek tells us how he meets one-on-one with his extended family to announce he’s dating. Derek gingerly admits and explains family “mixed reviews” and “a little backlash.” Next— I know this is a tease, but in this final episode, Derek makes a bold announcement—listen to find out. And there’s more: Why grief ambushes Derek when he folds freshly laundered clothes. Twirl and Dip. You’ll hear Derek reminisce how one song, no matter if home or in public, spurs Derek and Emily to lovingly slow dance. Of course, romantic Derek twirls and dips Emily. Derek shares his one-word aspirational message, it speaks volumes. I encourage you to write the word and review it each day. And tons more. Please enjoy this final heartfelt chat with my widowed guest co-host Derek Dibbens. Thanks for listening. If you haven't heard part 1 or 2, the links are here: Because you shouldn't have to journey alone, join me in the My Spouse Died Too community email list for members-only benefits: Behind-the-scenes commentary gives you deeper insight--helps you heal. Episode alerts so you'll know when a new episode is ready. Updates on past podcast guests because their journeys continue too. Plus more thoughts, resources, and random widowed journey stuff I discover. And it's the best way to contact me. Because you shouldn't have to journey alone. Sign-up takes less than thirty-two seconds. Here's the link: . Hope. Heal. Find love again. Give Grief The Middle Finger. ~ Emeric My Spouse Died Too podcast, images, logos, artwork copyright © 2019-2022 by Emeric McCleary. Music and lyrics © 2019-2022 by Emeric McCleary and Elena McCleary. /episode/index/show/myspousediedtoo/id/23442413

Episode 81: Widowed Dad With A Toddler (2 of 3) 06/14/2022

Episode 80: Widowed Dad With A Toddler (1 of 3) 06/07/2022

Episode 80: Widowed Dad With A Toddler (1 of 3) Newlyweds in their twenties, Derek and Emily dreamt of parenthood with a kid-filled home. For six years, pregnancy eluded Derek and Emily. One afternoon, during the summer of 2019, Emily gives Derek miraculous news “You’re going to be a Dad.” Infinite joy unleashes. Six months later, it’s January 2020, right before the Covid-19 pandemic erupts. Emily’s textbook perfect pregnancy progresses. Just three months until the due date, but something isn’t right. Emily has breast pain. Prescribed antibiotics can’t fix it. Emily is biopsied. Derek and Emily fear the worst because Emily’s OB/GYN insists on delivering biopsy results in person. They receive a heartbreaking diagnosis. Courageous Emily starts the biggest fight of her life, for their unborn son, and herself. This challenging three-part story tests faith, shouts courage and resilience, and how Derek picks up the pieces and forges his new life as a widowed young Dad with a two-year-old son. Bullets Once Upon A Time Five Minutes On The Phone We Tried For Six Years Dude, You’re Gonna Be A Dad The Biopsy Nine Centimeters, Failed Anesthesia Surgery Tomorrow To Save Your Life! Surgery During Covid: Kiss Her Goodbye and Drive Off Two Weeks After Double Mastectomy: Déjà Vu She Wanted A Second Opinion Thanks for listening. Because you shouldn't have to journey alone, join me in the My Spouse Died Too community email list for members-only benefits: Behind-the-scenes commentary gives you deeper insight--helps you heal. Episode alerts so you'll know when a new episode is ready. Updates on past podcast guests because their journeys continue too. Plus more thoughts, resources, and random widowed journey stuff I discover. And it's the best way to contact me. Because you shouldn't have to journey alone. Sign-up takes less than thirty-two seconds. Here's the link: . Hope. Heal. Find love again. ~ Emeric My Spouse Died Too podcast, images, logos, artwork copyright © 2019-2022 by Emeric McCleary. Music and lyrics © 2019-2022 by Emeric McCleary and Elena McCleary. /episode/index/show/myspousediedtoo/id/23347937

Episode 79: My Grief Was Gaslighted (4 of 4) 05/31/2022

Episode 79: My Grief Was Gaslighted (4 of 4) “How does one recover from narcissistic abuse?” Molly explores the question. You’ll hear how, despite the years of psychological abuse, Molly conjures the courage, embodies resilience, and chooses to face her new life to rise from the ashes like a Phoenix. When I shared with Molly the words “…to rise from the ashes like a Phoenix,” she laughed nervously because this is unbearable. A Sisyphean task. You don’t “fix” yourself overnight with a couple of Brené Brown books and ten insurance-approved therapy sessions. (I own and recommend Brené’s books.) The trust issues. Will Molly ever trust anyone again—especially a man? How might that impact the rest of her life? Molly can’t operate in a vacuum. She’s not the only one requiring repair, but the damage to her kids and their psychologically fractured relationship with Molly. What about Molly’s befuddled siblings? Molly’s father was ultimately duped. The in-laws. The disbelievers. The piles of shame because Dick deceived all. Yet resilient Molly—against all odds—exclaims triumphantly, “My personality is coming back!” To me, that’s cause for a ticker-tape parade! As I type this, my eyes well up with tears of joy. Molly refers to a Garth Brooks song—Unanswered Prayers. Molly talks about how unanswered prayers turned out to be blessings. Hard to disagree with Molly. So much more in this final episode. If you haven't listened to parts 1, 2, or 3 do that first or you won't be thrilled. Here are the links to and Thanks for listening. Because you shouldn't have to journey alone, join me in the My Spouse Died Too community email list for members-only benefits: Behind-the-scenes commentary gives you deeper insight--helps you heal. Episode alerts so you'll know when a new episode is ready. Updates on past podcast guests because their journeys continue too. Plus more thoughts, resources, and random widowed journey stuff I discover. And it's the best way to contact me. Because you shouldn't have to journey alone. Sign-up takes less than fifty-seven seconds. Here's the link: . Hope. Heal. Find love again. ~ Emeric My Spouse Died Too podcast, images, logos, artwork copyright © 2019-2022 by Emeric McCleary. Music and lyrics © 2019-2022 by Emeric McCleary and Elena McCleary. /episode/index/show/myspousediedtoo/id/23158466

Episode 78: My Grief Was Gaslighted (3 of 4) 05/24/2022

Episode 78: My Grief Was Gaslighted (3 of 4) Warning: Crash helmet is required for this mind-bending episode because Molly blows the roof off! If you haven't listened to parts 1 and 2, do that first or you'll be lost. Here are the links to and Elusive puzzle pieces and climactic revelations clearly appear. The breadcrumbs, all the clues MolIy drops, lead to what I call the inconceivable twist. Molly grieves Dick’s death. But, barely a week after the funeral, Molly is summoned to an emergency meeting with her husband’s business department heads, accountant, and attorney. One long-time loyal employee starts the meeting by declaring to Molly, "I don’t know what you’ve been told." Questionable business dealings are disclosed. Molly’s world turns upside down. Molly soon discovers her late husband Dick is not the man everyone saw on the surface. Molly labels the real diagnosis behind Dick’s behavior. And it’s the essence of evil. Remember the title of this series, My Grief Was Gaslighted? Molly defines gaslighting. But worse, she identifies and labels exactly who might employ this mind-melting tactic. Molly reveals Dick’s befitting mental condition—with its own special name. A person with this disorder is a stealthy perpetrator—the pure essence of evil. And Molly describes exactly how the perpetrator chooses his target. Revelations vindicate and crush Molly—because she realizes, for decades, she was the target. Right in Dick's cross-hairs, Molly was the bullseye. And there’s more… Dick had a secret addiction. And secret money accounts. Secrets kept from Molly. Did others know? Molly details the corrosive mind games plied against her — and her kids. And I point-blank ask, How did you not see this? And what is grief like now? And now, what loss do you grieve? Please listen diligently to part three of my late evening conversation with widowed guest co-host Molly Murphy. If you haven't listened to parts 1 and 2, do that first or you'll be lost. Here are the links to Link to my sister's podcast episode . Thanks for listening. Because you shouldn't have to journey alone, join me in the My Spouse Died Too community email list for members-only benefits: Behind-the-scenes commentary gives you deeper insight--helps you heal. Episode alerts so you'll know when a new episode is ready. Updates on past podcast guests because their journeys continue too. Plus more thoughts, resources, and random widowed journey stuff I discover. And it's the best way to contact me. Because you shouldn't have to journey alone. Sign-up takes less than fifty-seven seconds. Here's the link: . Hope. Heal. Find love again. ~ Emeric My Spouse Died Too podcast, images, logos, artwork copyright © 2019-2022 by Emeric McCleary. Music and lyrics © 2019-2022 by Emeric McCleary and Elena McCleary. /episode/index/show/myspousediedtoo/id/23154866

Episode 77: My Grief Was Gaslighted (2 of 4) 05/17/2022

Episode 76: My Grief Was Gaslighted (1 of 4) 05/10/2022

Episode 76: My Grief Was Gaslighted (1 of 4) Widowed guest co-host Molly Murphy joins us. But there’s a catch. Molly Murphy isn’t her real name. Molly tells her story with an alias, a fake name because she must protect the truly innocent and the potentially guilty. Every widow or widower's story and grief is custom-made. And yes, all our stories share similarities, including Molly’s, but in the end, Molly’s story has a twist, and it’s is an absolute jaw-dropper. But Molly is not our average guest—because of the eye-popping discoveries Molly makes AFTER her husband passes. Discoveries ABOUT her husband. Molly and her husband Dick's story starts like many of our widowed guests— a young, hope, dream, and promise-filled newlywed couple journeys through the ups and downs of life. On the surface, Molly’s life looks enviable—children arrive, business booms, big money flows. But life is not what it appears to be. Under the surface, building ever since Molly met Dick, a complex puzzle, a puzzle about her husband, with many missing or blurry pieces. Did Molly’s gut sense something off-putting? Years march on. There’s a diagnosis. Unsuccessful Treatment. Dick dies. After Dick’s death, Molly mourns. Molly grieves. Molly is bereft. Then, an inconceivable twist. Because short weeks after the funeral, one by one, elusive puzzle pieces and climactic revelations clearly appear. Molly discovers her husband is not the man everyone saw on the surface. The discoveries will shock and appall you to your core. Especially because you might be or might have been subjected to this type of evil. These unveilings go way beyond my comprehension. Needless to say, it appears miraculous Molly and her kids survived the mental and emotional turmoil, a forever profound scar-filled impact. Molly exudes resilience, and to tell her story, Molly conjures colossal courage, to bare, to bare her soul— her most raw vulnerable self. You’ll hear how Molly chooses, and what it takes, professional and spiritual, in the face of insurmountable odds, to forge ahead, to hope, to heal, day by day, to rise from the ashes, like a Phoenix. Please enjoy part 1 of our chardonnay relaxed evening with my widowed guest co-host, also known as Molly Murphy. Bullets I'm Not Your Average Podcast Guest Like In The Shining Misdiagnosed! His Worst Fear: Prostate Removal Researching Doctors Across America The Rhetorical Question Don't Doctors Read The Same Book? Walking Dirty Bomb Thanks for listening. Because you shouldn't have to journey alone, join me in the My Spouse Died Too community email list for members-only benefits: Behind-the-scenes commentary gives you deeper insight--helps you heal. Episode alerts so you'll know when a new episode is ready. Updates on past podcast guests because their journeys continue too. Plus more thoughts, resources, and random widowed journey stuff I discover. And it's the best way to contact me. Because you shouldn't have to journey alone. Sign-up takes less than fifty-seven seconds. Here's the link: . Hope. Heal. Find love again. ~ Emeric My Spouse Died Too podcast, images, logos, artwork copyright © 2019-2022 by Emeric McCleary. Music and lyrics © 2019-2022 by Emeric McCleary and Elena McCleary /episode/index/show/myspousediedtoo/id/23059493

Episode 75: I’m Dating—Hear Me Sign-Up Live for Match.com (2 of 2) 05/03/2022

Episode 74: I’m Dating—Hear Me Sign-Up Live for Match.com (1 of 2) 04/26/2022

Episode 74: I’m Dating—Hear Me Sign-Up Live for Match.com (1 of 2) WARNING. This two-part series is R-rated. If curse words and sexual innuendo don’t send you running, then stick around. Guest co-host Barb Flynn kindly walks me through the actual live sign-up and setup of the Match.com online dating profile. We set my profile up because after four dates with the first woman I dated (since my late spouse)—things ended—she rekindled a past romance. Great experience. I have zero regrets and no resentment. You can hear all about that in the two episodes of Dear Donna, I’m Finally Dating. Here are those links: So…my dating quest continues...and I add being alert to the unexpected beauty in life. Ponder that. Now, if you think you’d like to, or you already date online, Barb’s insights and my bumbling live sign-up give you examples of…what not to do so you save time and make the process less painful and hopefully fruitful. In this episode, as we walk or crawl live through the Match.com sign-up, you’ll discover tips and challenges on how to set up a dating subscription, what to avoid, and how to answer the app’s confusing questions. But there’s a lot more…for example, we expose women’s effective flirting secrets. (Dear listener, you’ll want to be alert to this so you don’t waste your time with indifferent prospects). You’ll also hear dating tips and harsh realities of online dating. Please enjoy our chit-chat while Barb coaches me, Emeric McCleary, through the Match.com sign-up process: Thanks for listening. Episode Links Mentioned: Dear Donna, I’m Finally Dating Episode Bullets Flirting Secrets Exposed DO NOT Use This Profile Pic Entering the Shyt Show (On-Line Dating) Should Fido Be In Your Picture? Why You Might Not Say You're Widowed Pulling The Trigger Because you shouldn't have to journey alone, join me in the My Spouse Died Too community email list for members-only benefits: Behind-the-scenes commentary gives you deeper insight--helps you heal. Episode alerts so you'll know when a new episode is ready. Updates on past podcast guests because their journeys continue too. Plus more thoughts, resources, and random widowed journey stuff I discover. And it's the best way to contact me. Because you shouldn't have to journey alone. Sign-up takes less than fifty-seven seconds. Here's the link: . Hope. Heal. Find love again. ~ Emeric My Spouse Died Too podcast, images, logos, artwork copyright © 2019-2022 by Emeric McCleary. Music and lyrics © 2019-2022 by Emeric McCleary and Elena McCleary /episode/index/show/myspousediedtoo/id/22844168

Episode 73: Should I Make My Online Dating Profile Now? (2 of 2) 04/12/2022

Episode 73: Should I Make My Online Dating Profile Now? (2 of 2) Beer-infused evening ramble continues! Barb Flynn and I recorded just twenty-four hours before my upcoming third date with Miss Kayak. In this episode, I share what I believe is the most important part of an online dating profile— the written summary—this is where you say something about yourself. My list exhausts. I'm told by "dating experts" it's too long. You might be amused or alarmed by what I say. What my nurse practitioner sister warns me about sexually transmitted diseases—my naiveté is exposed. Why Barb dresses differently to shop this unique grocery store. Is she trolling the fresh meat section? Resilience. Courage to date, and plenty more! Please enjoy this meandering final part of Should I Make My Online Dating Profile? Thanks for listening. Past Episode Links Mentioned: Dreams About My Spouse Dear Donna, I’m Finally Dating Barb Flynn: I Love You Too, Babe Dr. Jennifer Katz: The Good Widow Dr. Katz link to her website and to buy her book: This Episode's Short Bullet List Emeric's Dating Profile Notes How To Levitate Trolling Trader Joe's Have You Dreamed About Your Spouse? Why Voldemort Made Me Cry Be Vulnerable -- What's The Trade-Off? How Resilient Is Barb? Because you shouldn't have to journey alone, join me in the My Spouse Died Too community email list for members-only benefits: Behind-the-scenes commentary gives you deeper insight--helps you heal. Episode alerts so you'll know when a new episode is ready. Updates on past podcast guests because their journeys continue too. Plus more thoughts, resources, and random widowed journey stuff I discover. And it's the best way to contact me. Because you shouldn't have to journey alone. Sign-up takes less than fifty-seven seconds. Here's the link: . Hope. Heal. Find love again. ~ Emeric My Spouse Died Too podcast, images, logos, artwork copyright © 2019-2022 by Emeric McCleary. Music and lyrics © 2019-2022 by Emeric McCleary and Elena McCleary /episode/index/show/myspousediedtoo/id/22755506

Episode 72: Should I Make My Online Dating Profile Now? (1 of 2) 04/05/2022

Episode 72: Should I Make My Online Dating Profile Now? (1 of 2) Should I Make My Online Dating Profile Now? Returning guest co-host Barb Flynn helps set up my online dating profile. Barb’s deadpan sense of humor plays well with mine—naturally, we go off into the weeds (figuratively). We discuss gobs! Warning: Barb and I drank beer before and during recording, but I sound like I beer-bonged espresso—maybe because I was both anxious and delighted to record. Also, to add context, we recorded after I had gone out twice with Miss Kayak. Some discourse is similar to what you hear in the two episodes of “Dear Donna, I’m Finally Dating" --episode links to and . Now…Usually, when I record in-person with a guest co-host, we are more than six feet apart, not because of Covid, but because I need distance between microphones to reduce audio problems. But this time, we share my laptop to set up a Match.com dating profile—so we have to sit next to each other, almost uncomfortably close—and this tension adds to the evening fun, especially because Barb’s dead pan sense of humor plays wells with mine. (Please note, Barb and I have not dated each other, and you’ll hear why.) This is a two-part series. And in this first part, vulnerable chit chat encompasses insights into— relationships, dating, grit, optimism, actionable advice, and being alert for life’s unexpected beauty. And there’s more! Barb and I babble about, for example: Am I too short and old to be a hot date? How to make out in a restaurant like a rock star. The stupid breakup line you might expect from the narcissistic Taliban. Here’s why she won’t spoon you. And for my woo-woo sensibilities, is the universe female? Please enjoy our wide-ranging, beer-battered banter in this first part of Should I Make My Online Dating Profile Now? Bulletinis Learning To Date: Like A Virgin How To Make Out In A Restaurant Like A Rock Star Stupid Male Break-Up Line Who Is The Narcissistic Taliban? Always Say Yes To A Fix-Up, Or Else Crickets—Ghosted On My First Try? Why Mornings Are Less Risky Barb’s Hammered Bartender Why Some Cuddle, Then Move On My Quandary Here’s Why She Won’t Spoon You The Universe Is Female Thanks for listening. Past Episode Links Mentioned: Barb Flynn: I Love You Too, Babe Dr. Jennifer Katz: The Good Widow Dr. Katz link to her website and to buy her book: Because you shouldn't have to journey alone, join me in the My Spouse Died Too community email list for members-only benefits: Behind-the-scenes commentary gives you deeper insight--helps you heal. Episode alerts so you'll know when a new episode is ready. Updates on past podcast guests because their journeys continue too. Plus more thoughts, resources, and random widowed journey stuff I discover. And it's the best way to contact me. Because you shouldn't have to journey alone. Sign-up takes less than a minute. Here's the link: . Hope. Heal. Find love again. ~ Emeric My Spouse Died Too podcast, images, logos, artwork copyright © 2019-2022 by Emeric McCleary. Music and lyrics © 2019-2022 by Emeric McCleary and Elena McCleary /episode/index/show/myspousediedtoo/id/22611779

Episode 71: Dear Donna, I'm Finally Dating (2 of 2) 03/29/2022

Episode 70: Dear Donna, I'm Finally Dating (1 of 2) 03/22/2022

Episode 70: Dear Donna, I'm Finally Dating (1 of 2) “Dear Donna, I’m Finally Dating” Eight years after my spouse Donna died, I wrote this heartfelt letter to her. In the first of this two-part series, I read the letter—it’s about our first date (and how it almost ended in blows), dying, my improbable number one bucket list item, and what Donna wanted for me after her death. Along with my vulnerable random ramblings, I share intimacies—never revealed—even to those closest to me. And to top it off, you’ll hear anxious awkward details about my first dating experience since Donna died. Yes, eight years passed before I finally dated. Listen carefully lest you make these mistakes! And there’s a whole lot more. Show Bullets Dear Donna Letter The Ex-Boyfriend Blonde Viking I'm Finally Dating Dog, Cat, Or Spider Monkey Did She Say It's Okay to Remarry? Number One Bucket List Item Will You Ever Fall In Love Again? Desiring Intimacy: At What Uncertain Exhaustive Effort? How Does Monkhood Make Sense? I Love You Forever Potential Mulligan Is She A Dominatrix? Ignore The Red Flags Awkward, Weird, and Uncertain My Heart Doesn't Wear A Watch First Date: Shake Hands or Hug? Turkey Buzzards What To Wear On My First Date? Breakfast Downward Dog Should I Kiss Her? Thanks for listening. Join me for part 2 of 2. Past Episode Links Mentioned: Paige Wilson: Pretending To Be Happy Dr. Jennifer Katz: The Good Widow Because you shouldn't have to journey alone, join me in the My Spouse Died Too community email list for members-only benefits: Behind-the-scenes commentary gives you deeper insight--helps you heal. Episode alerts so you'll know when a new episode is ready. Updates on past podcast guests because their journeys continue too. Plus more thoughts, resources, and random widowed journey stuff I discover. And it's the best way to contact me. Because you shouldn't have to journey alone. Sign-up now at . Hope. Heal. Find love again. ~ Emeric My Spouse Died Too podcast, images, logos, artwork copyright © 2019-2022 by Emeric McCleary. Music and lyrics © 2019-2022 by Emeric McCleary and Elena McCleary /episode/index/show/myspousediedtoo/id/22474616

Episode 69: Book Recommendations for The Widowed 09/07/2021

Episode 69: Book Recommendations for The Widowed Four book recommendations for the widowed. Three authors have been on the podcast as widowed guest co-hosts. The fourth author is not widowed. Her book was recommended to me by one of the widowed guest co-hosts. Now, I’m not going to have an author on the show if I won’t recommend their book. That would be awkward. And I only recommend books I have read. When I read, I underline. Write notes and questions in the margins. If I feel the book gives enough value (sorry I can’t define enough), I’ll book a recording appointment with the author. Before I have the author on the podcast, I reread the book and make 8 to 12 pages of handwritten notes for a podcast recording session. I’ll never recommend something to you if I don’t feel it delivers value. Value is subjective, and your definition of value is probably different than mine. To me, a non-fiction book delivers value if I get something out of it. For instance, an actionable tactic, or a different way of looking at a problem. Or something exhilarates me. Helps me heal. For me, the list goes on. I’ll never make a recommendation if I don’t feel it delivers value. Okay—Back to the books, the authors are from different walks of life and a wide age range—30’s and up. Big city to a small rural town. All in the United States. All the authors are female. Refreshing for me as a male—these books come with an added bonus. Because you get insight into women. Their perspective, thoughts, challenges, fears, emotional needs, and wants. What’s important in their relationships and more. In other words, how to treat women. I wholeheartedly believe understanding and acting on it will make you a better listener, friend, lover, partner, or spouse. The overall theme with all the widowed authors' books is with their story, their experience, and in some cases, their professional expertise--they want to help others. That’s you and me. Like you (I know that’s an assumption), the widowed authors didn’t want to be part of the widowed community, but what I see is they choose to find meaning in their suffering—beauty in their odyssey. And they summon the courage to write and share intimate details with you—in the hope of helping you, to feel seen—to feel heard. To give you hope so you can heal, find love again, and give grief the middle finger. Links for the authors' books, websites, and podcast episodes are below. Most of the authors have more resources on their websites. Resources you might find valuable. If you are a member of the MSDToo community email list, that’s where you get Behind-The-Scenes details and Show Alerts, I’ll email you details and all the links so you can click to your heart's content. And … if you’re not a member of the My Spouse Died Too community email list, consider joining. Takes less than 32 seconds. Join at . I recommend you read the books, then listen to the respective episodes to get a powerful feel for the widowed author. For me, that’s a selfish pleasure I get from reading the book, then hearing and seeing the author live! Thanks for listening. Links are below. Book 1 This link above is to Autumn Toelle-Jackson's website with resources and her book. Autumn's Podcast Episodes: Book 2 Jill's website has tons of resources. Jill's Podcast Episodes: Book 3 Jenny Katz's link takes you to her website where you'll find her book, blog, and discussion guide. Jenny's Podcast Episodes: Book 4 Getting Naked Again link goes to Amazon. Happy reading and listening! And if you haven't already... Because you shouldn't have to journey alone, join me in the My Spouse Died Too community email list for members-only benefits: Behind-the-scenes commentary gives you deeper insight--helps you heal. Episode alerts so you'll know when a new episode is ready. Updates on past podcast guests because their journeys continue too. Plus more thoughts, resources, and random widowed journey stuff I discover. And it's the best way to contact me. Because you shouldn't have to journey alone. Sign-up now at . Hope. Heal. Find love again. ~ Emeric My Spouse Died Too podcast, images, logos, artwork copyright © 2019-2021 by Emeric McCleary. Music and lyrics © 2019-2021 by Emeric McCleary and Elena McCleary /episode/index/show/myspousediedtoo/id/20387213

Episode 68: The Good Widow (4 of 4) 08/31/2021

Episode 68: The Good Widow (4 of 4) The psychic prediction that came true—Is this mere coincidence? Listen and decide for yourself. After the death of her husband Tris, Jenny describes her first romantic kiss—what she didn’t feel, but what she felt. All of a sudden, he got possessive. A switch flips and jerk behavior ensues. The ethical slut: defense of a slutty widow. This references the poly community (polyamory is the practice of, or desire for, intimate relationships with more than one partner, with the informed consent of all partners involved). Jenny brings this up because if you were in love with your spouse when he or she died, in a sense, you carry that relationship with you. Like a polyamorous relationship. Profound heartfelt discussion. Coffee with Bruce: first date number thirty-six. Is he the last first date? And there’s plenty more! The link to order Jenny’s book The Good Widow - A Memoir of Living with Loss and the blog website is below. If you are a member of the My Spouse Died Too community email list, you’ll get the links in your Behind-The-Scenes email. Jennifer Katz's website, blog, and book discussion questions: . Bullets The First Kiss--Not With Tris Couch Talk (Like Pillow Talk) He Got Possessive The Ethical Slut Poly Community Date Number Thirty-Six Coffee With Bruce He Brought Flowers, Then He Moved In The 100% Accurate Psychic Prediction Wholehearted Living Openness To The Unexpected Thanks for listening. In case you haven't listened to other parts, here are links for , , and . Because you shouldn't have to journey alone, join me in the My Spouse Died Too community email list for members-only benefits: Behind-the-scenes commentary gives you deeper insight--helps you heal. Episode alerts so you'll know when a new episode is ready. Updates on past podcast guests because their journeys continue too. Plus more thoughts, resources, and random widowed journey stuff I discover. And it's the best way to contact me. Because you shouldn't have to journey alone. Sign-up now at . Hope. Heal. Find love again. ~ Emeric My Spouse Died Too podcast, images, logos, artwork copyright © 2019-2021 by Emeric McCleary. Music and lyrics © 2019-2021 by Emeric McCleary and Elena McCleary /episode/index/show/myspousediedtoo/id/20250074

Episode 67: The Good Widow (3 of 4) 08/24/2021

Episode 67: The Good Widow (3 of 4) Why Jenny feels guilty and embarrassed (about most of her book). Jenny goes on thirty-six first dates. More thoughts on psychic healing. Widowed with stepkids. Your spouse is gone, will your stepkids drift away? The problem with perfectionism. Critical emoji texting etiquette: This emoji will get you into trouble or into fun. I read Jenny’s essay How To Date A Widow. It’s a true tutorial I believe anyone considering dating a widow should read, and there are lessons here for all of us (male or female). The shame-filled fairytale we are raised to believe. You know how people say "things always work out?" But what do they mean by work out? Jenny brilliantly reframes what it means. And there are tons more. The link to order Jenny’s book The Good Widow - A Memoir of Living with Loss and the blog website is below. If you are a member of the My Spouse Died Too community email list, you’ll get the links in your Behind-The-Scenes email. Jennifer Katz's website, blog, and book discussion questions: . Bullets Guilty And Embarrassed Psychic Healing Camp Widow He Should Be Here! Sunny The Psychic (Sister Vickey's Medium) Counter Factual Thinking Will Your Step Kids Disappear? Biological Link Fallacy Perfectionism Problem Asking My Daughter For Permission First Date: Crying There And Back DWTFYWTD (F-Bomb In There) Reconstructing My Narrative Thirty-Six First Dates Do Men Only Look At Pictures? Shame Filled Fairytale Emoji Etiquette--Got Eggplant? How Things Workout--Please Define Workout Thanks for listening. Join us for final part 4 of 4. In case you haven't listened, here are links for and Other links mentioned in this current episode: (My sister Vickey is guest co-host) Because you shouldn't have to journey alone, join me in the My Spouse Died Too community email list for members-only benefits: Behind-the-scenes commentary gives you deeper insight--helps you heal. Episode alerts so you'll know when a new episode is ready. Updates on past podcast guests because their journeys continue too. Plus more thoughts, resources, and random widowed journey stuff I discover. And it's the best way to contact me. Because you shouldn't have to journey alone. Sign-up now at . Hope. Heal. Find love again. ~ Emeric My Spouse Died Too podcast, images, logos, artwork copyright © 2019-2021 by Emeric McCleary. Music and lyrics © 2019-2021 by Emeric McCleary and Elena McCleary /episode/index/show/myspousediedtoo/id/20220344

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