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Episode 94: Ride Or Die: Loving Through Tragedy, A Husband's Memoir (1 of 3)

Release Date: 04/03/2024

Episode 96: Ride Or Die: Loving Through Tragedy, A Husband's Memoir (3 of 3)

My Spouse Died Too

The last doctor visit, and why Jane’s doctor cries. Hope discussion. Did Jarie have a hope stopping point, like I did? What love is. Jane’s last written words, delivered to Jarie, after Jane dies. Now, how Jarie lives each day, even if it’s a shytty day. Try this. Love after Jane. Is soon, too soon? Define soon. Dating and guilt. No one else knows your path. If you’re uncertain (scared to death) about dating, hear what Jarie says, because you might not have another shot. Quitting substances (except caffeine and orange-glazed scones). Jarie specifies his...

Episode 95: Ride Or Die: Loving Through Tragedy, A Husband's Memoir (2 of 3)

My Spouse Died Too

Vaping to cope. THC and CBD. Jane needs Jarie to be her ROCK. Failure lump in Jarie’s throat. The feeling…how anxiety and stress manifest themselves. When Jarie, the man who loves a plan, asks himself “How am I going to fix this?” And then realizes “I can’t fix this!” Chemotherapy ravages—Jarie buzzes off Jane’s long black hair. Freezing your embryos. Jarie and I have a gut-wrenching intimate discussion. Discussing death with your dying spouse. So hard. How a guardian angel social worker puts things into clear focus. Jarie describes the best gift he’s ever had:...

Episode 94: Ride Or Die: Loving Through Tragedy, A Husband's Memoir (1 of 3)

My Spouse Died Too

If you marry, and mark your day with ceremony, you might include these wedding vows: To have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love, cherish, and to obey, till death do us part. Half-easy to recite, but fulfill—a Sisyphean effort. Widowed guest co-host and author Jarie Bolander joins us. Jarie’s book is titled: Ride Or Die: Loving Through Tragedy, A Husband’s Memoir. Jarie’s memoir, a poignant tribute to his late spouse Jane, is a testament to the power of love and commitment those exact wedding...

Episode 93: My Husband Died. Damn It. (3 of 3)

My Spouse Died Too

Gut-busting, emphatic, grand finale. First, listen someplace where it’s safe to pee your pants. Why Susan’s Uber driver advises her to lock the hotel door and under no circumstances come out until morning. Pretending all is okay--when it’s not. Telling your family to shut the fuctuplets up. Is God kept on retainer? The High School Provocative Classmates Widow Group. Susan Can’t imagine falling in love again. Oh God, I’m blushing. Can you say vi-vi-vibrators? Life’s three stages according to Susan: what sex, food, and bowel movements have in common. Women pee their...

Episode 92: My Husband Died. Damn It. (2 of 3)

My Spouse Died Too

Morphine, ahhhhh. Mark’s last days. Wait, what about Sofie, Mark’s dying dog? The last goodbye. Mark and Sofie wear American football team Green Bay Packers sweatshirts. From the Woo Woo and Taboo Department: before Susan’s birth, her mom bore a son. He died at birth. Like a shameful secret, never discussed. So how does Susan’s four-year-old son know about Susan’s late infant brother? Now alone, Susan says “F#@k it, I don’t want to cook!” After Mark dies, Susan is pissed off at Mark. Susan discusses the metaphorical burden she carries and how she sheds it. Living alone...

Episode 91: My Husband Died. Damn It. (1 of 3)

My Spouse Died Too

Widowed dynamo Susan Yelton jumps into action as my guest co-host in this first episode of a whirl-wind 3 part series. The series makes you: question, agree, cry, laugh, piss you off, shake your head and your fist, say oh my gosh, and holy shyt. Susan even makes me blush! In a later episode we talk about sexuality…just listen for yourself. You hear me turn red. A Baptist preacher’s daughter, at age 16, Susan meets Mark. A long-haired guitar-strumming 19-year-old. Akin to a 60’s folk singer. Instantly in love. Three years later they marry, and stay that way for fifty-two years until...

Episode 90: My Ex Died. Grief Ambushed Me. (3 of 3)

My Spouse Died Too

“Are you sitting down?” When you answer your phone and the caller says this, does lousy news always ensue? Kady ruminates over how to deliver bad news to her teen daughter. Grief ambushes Kady. Kady details her what-ifs. Mourning what you thought could be. What Kady believes causes her grief—an eloquent explanation. Can death deliver relief? Kady’s fear-filled recurring nightmare about Mikey. If you haven't listened to Parts 1 or 2, link here: More EX grief stories? Listen to my sister Vickey's episode 11: . (Vickey grieves the loss of an ex-husband. Ken,...

Episode 89: My Ex Died. Grief Ambushed Me. (2 of 3)

My Spouse Died Too

Kady gives Mikey an ultimatum. Mother’s little helper (the Xanax kind). Granting extra chances (breaking boundaries to stanch your pain and unease?) Kady says, “I don’t need a man." Meet Kady's condominium complex busybody matchmaker, aka, Miss Pat. Wisdom from grandma. A suicide threat. Might Kady move in with a man? A poignant proposal. And Kady gets an unforeseen telephone call about her ex, Mikey. If you haven't listened to Part 1, here's the link: More grief from an Ex? Then here's the link to my sister Vickey's episode 11: Yes, and... Before you split, Because you shouldn't...

Episode 88: My Ex Died. Grief Ambushed Me. (1 of 3)

My Spouse Died Too

You might label Kady’s Ex a “major dyck head.” Today, Kady and her new husband celebrate ten-plus years with two kids—a teen and a five-year-old. (The Ex fathered Kady’s teen). And then Kady’s Ex dies. Grief ambushes Kady. Secretly grieving, Kady struggles to make sense of it. Embarrassment and shame pile on. Kady doesn’t want to tell anyone. And why might someone grieve the death of a major dyck head? This three-part series details awkward young love, endearing qualities, substance abuse, loss of innocence, teen pregnancy, immaturity, growing up too...

Episode 87: LOSS and GRIEF: Personal Stories of Doctors and Other Healthcare Professionals (2 of 2)

My Spouse Died Too

Welcome to part 2: Loss and Grief Personal Stories of Doctors and Other Healthcare Professionals, with my guest co-host Linda Klein. Linda is co-editor of the book Loss and Grief Personal Stories of Doctors and Other Healthcare Professionals. I shamelessly ripped off the book’s title for the podcast episode title because it makes sense. If you haven’t listened to part 1, please do that first to avoid brain freeze. Here's the . In this final episode, we pick up where we left off from part one. I finish reading a once-upon-a-time story and then read one more tremendous story of spousal...

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If you marry, and mark your day with ceremony, you might include these wedding vows:

To have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love, cherish, and to obey, till death do us part.

Half-easy to recite, but fulfill—a Sisyphean effort.

Widowed guest co-host and author Jarie Bolander joins us.

Jarie’s book is titled: Ride Or Die: Loving Through Tragedy, A Husband’s Memoir.

Jarie’s memoir, a poignant tribute to his late spouse Jane, is a testament to the power of love and commitment those exact wedding vows embody.

Here’s the set-up…

Friday, the day after Christmas 2015.

Married less than two years, Jarie and Jane are San Francisco’s young attractive power couple. Jarie is 45, a Silicon Valley engineer, entrepreneur, seven-book author, podcaster, blogger, and working on another start-up. Jarie is a highly functional introvert.

Jarie’s spouse Jane, an outright extrovert, runs the public relations firm she founded. A quenchless zest for life fills Jane, a 35-year-old fireball.

Jarie and Jane work on making a baby.

But after two miscarriages…diagnostic blood tests become routine.

Now, the day after Christmas—after spending a few hectically fun-filled days at Jane’s parent’s house, it’s time to drive the thirty-five-plus minutes home to San Francisco.

Jarie looks forward to getting home midday and relaxing a bit before their restaurant dinner date.

But Jane insists on having her next routine blood draw today. Jarie protests why Jane can’t wait until the next week because it’s barely the day after Christmas AND it’s a Friday.

The walk-in-no-appointment-necessary laboratory is on the way home. It’s quick.

Blood drawn.

35 minutes later, Jane and Jarie arrive home, unpack, and put their luggage away.

Jane’s cell phone rings. An unknown caller. Jarie says ignore it.

Jane answers because restaurants often call to confirm reservations.

The restaurant is not the caller--the medical facility calls.

Jane’s blood test results signal concern. The caller wants Jane to test more NOW. Please come into the hospital via the Emergency Room entrance.

Jarie and Jane enter the ER entrance. And straight away, escorted into a curtained section.

Not even 6 minutes pass, two doctors enter.

After introductions, one doctor asks Jane do you know why you’re here?

Jane says, because I was told over the phone my blood test was abnormal. The doctor agrees.

The doctors also ask about the small patches of red dots on Jane’s tummy. The red dots appeared after the last miscarriage—severe cramping often bursts tiny surface blood vessels.

Jane asks why, what about the red dots—and the doctors say they need an opinion from the on-call oncologist.

Oncologist? Why an oncologist?

One doctor says, well, we’re not exactly sure, but it looks like you might have…leukemia.

Jarie’s book is the first I’ve read written from a widowed Man’s viewpoint.

Jarie’s memoir NAILS it. So much echoes my own once-upon-a-time story.

Jarie hands you his heart, his fears, his perceived failings. Weaknesses. Strengths. Obsessions. Addictions. Things you only tell your therapist.

Jarie’s experience might parallel yours. For example, as men, we were raised to be protectors, not caregivers. An old-fashioned male archetype? In our DNA?

Jarie painstakingly details his caregiving odyssey.

Losing himself in Jane’s sickness, he copes by numbing. Alcohol. Pot, Caffeine. His therapist doesn’t know to what extent.

Jane’s health declines. Jarie can’t protect Jane. His self-perceived failure persecutes him.

And from diagnosis to death, not even 18 months pass.

Kindly observe what happens after Jane’s death.

Because Jarie continues his lionhearted pilgrimage— through grief and anger— to find himself, and love again.

Link to Jarie’s website JarieBolander.com where you can purchase his book and learn about everything Jarie.

Thanks for listening.

Join us for part 2 of 3.

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Hope. Heal. Find love again. Give Grief The Middle Finger.

~ Emeric

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