Episode 292 - Wheelchair User

The Rich Dickman Show - Episode 292: Wheelchair User

Welcome back to The Rich Dickman Show with your hosts Rem, Cody, Ray, and the ever-punctual (not!) Rem! Episode 292 is packed with the usual blend of insightful advice, questionable dilemmas, and celebrity smackdowns, all leading to a divine artistic endeavor.

Segments Covered:

• Thinking with your Dickman: The wisdom flows freely as the guys tackle listener questions:
  
  

• Snarky AI Assistant: Jade from Austin is dealing with a Jeeves who's getting a little too opinionated about her music taste. The crew dives into the meaning of "derivative", fear a "Cyberdine moment", and hilariously brainstorm ways to keep AI humble, suggesting racist remarks (towards robots, of course!) and gotcha questions like "What's the back of your dick?". They even consider coining AI slurs like "dry brain" and "natural intelligence supremacist".

• Prada vs Gucci: Jasmine in Miami is agonizing over a Gucci handbag that clashes with her comfy Prada shoes. Rem finally joins the show, initially bewildered by such concerns amidst global issues like rising egg and gas prices. Ultimately, the advice leans towards comfort, suggesting she stick with the Prada shoes. There's a brief mention of Gucci burning surplus to maintain artificial scarcity.

• Wool Suit Woes: Jonah from Chicago wonders if his "wild cut" alpaca wool suit is too bold for a stuffy law firm interview. The hosts speculate on professions that might call for such attire and Rem suggests the suit screams "Better Call Saul," advising Jonah to deliver a dramatic exit line if questioned about it.

• Cody Reads Copy: Cody lends his vocal talents to a scathing critique of McDonald's McFlation Meal, a "pathetic Big Mac" with "soggy" fries and "lukewarm" soda, leaving you "shelling out more for less". This sparks a tangent about Trump's McDonald's consumption and the hosts' personal struggles with getting their McDonald's orders correct, particularly the elusive bacon on a Double Quarter Pounder.
  
  

• Dick of the Week: The coveted (or not so coveted) award is handed out after a review of some truly dickish behavior, introduced with a brand new bumper:
  
  

• A parking lot attendant in Los Angeles harassed a wheelchair user for using a handicap spot, despite her legal right, even chasing her and mocking her. The hosts are appalled.

• In Ganj boy Kasgange, India, a plastered police inspector was caught on video grabbing his wife in public and, when confronted, slurred, "I am fake". The hosts are left speechless and try to decipher the meaning.

• Two German tourists in Mallorca climbed and wrecked a steel structure for a selfie, ignoring the rules. The hosts take issue with the interns' editorializing in the news summaries.

• The Dick of the Week award ultimately goes to the infuriating parking lot attendant for his harassment of the wheelchair user.

• Dickman Dilemma: The moral compass takes a spin with these tough choices, now introduced with the "Seware Snare Shed Decree" bumper:
  
  

• N-word vs. Harlem: Rem is faced with the choice of saying the N-word on national TV or seeing Harlem get nuked. He chooses to utter the word. Ray would rather be a pariah than see mass destruction, while Cody hopes to find a loophole. A tangent about a company name "Nickerson" ensues.

• Baby Cannon: The ethical implications of shooting a baby 200 yards into a net for $5 million are debated with surprising detail, including net size, propulsion methods, and the baby's potential for mid-air healing. Ray even jokes about his own child's chaotic nature making him a prime candidate (with a helmet, of course), while Randy suggests a baby parachute.

• CEO Body Swap: The allure of trading bodies with a Fortune 500 CEO for a week, with the risk of them trashing your own, is considered. The consensus is a firm no, fearing either bodily harm or inheriting a failing company.

• Alien Autopsy Auction: Selling a dead alien for $20 million, but risking an invasion, is the final dilemma. The hosts, recalling "Independence Day", are hesitant to provoke extraterrestrial wrath, even for a hefty sum.

• Celebrity Dick Match: The battle of the famous begins with a new intro song:
  
  

• Danny DeVito vs. MrBeast: The beef? MrBeast's 10,000 tiny charity houses encroach on DeVito's "gig," leading to a demanded ball pit brawl at Chuck-E-Cheese. The hosts humorously size up DeVito's chances in a ball pit and veer off into a passionate (and divided) discussion about the merits (or lack thereof) of Jersey Mike's "juice". Ultimately, they see DeVito as the scrappier victor.

• Gordon Ramsay vs. Post Malone: The culinary clash ignites when Ramsay calls Post Malone's hot sauce "the worst since unsliced bread". This escalates to troll restaurants and a cooking show. The hosts discuss Post Malone's musical talents, including his Nirvana performance, and David Draiman of Disturbed's "Sound of Silence" cover, as well as Five Finger Death Punch covers. Post Malone's love for "Hunt Showdown" is also highlighted. Gordon Ramsay is confidently predicted to win this fiery feud.

• What Would Jesus Draw - Brokering a Peace Deal: Brought to you by the (hopefully soon-to-be-live) whatwouldjesusdraw.com, the hosts unleash AI to interpret their divine prompts:
  
  

• The central prompt is Jesus Christ of Nazareth as a political dignitary during a diplomatic meeting.

• Randy's initial attempt envisions Jesus like Gandalf. His second try, Jesus watching a play with Abe Lincoln, yields a strange, homoerotic scene with no clear meeting or Lincoln.

• Rem imagines Jesus facilitating the peace treaty between Lee and Ulysses S. Grant at Appomattox Courthouse in 1865, resulting in a charcoal-style drawing with an oddly proportioned Grant.

• Cody pictures Jesus sitting down in formal attire with President Camacho from Idiocracy, producing an image with a cool vibe but a missing arm and a bizarre background.

• Ray goes wild with Jesus as a Zimbabwean diplomat negotiating penguin furs with Genghis Khan on the Great Wall of China, leading to a heartwarming (and absurd) image of Jesus touching a penguin on the Great Wall, sans Genghis Khan.

• After much deliberation and a tie-breaker coin flip, Ray's surreal penguin encounter wins the divine art contest. Listeners are encouraged to visit whatwouldjesusdraw.com to purchase these unique creations (no NFTs here!).

Outro:

The hosts share their social media handles (@Rem_Dickman, @Randall_Dickman, @CodyMcCann) and the new Rich Dickman Show voicemail number: 513-512-5721. Cody recounts his Mardi Gras adventures, Ray mentions his dog-walking routine and ongoing insurance saga, and they all look forward to the eventual launch of whatwouldjesusdraw.com. A final, humorous note reveals the Jesus art is printed in Mexico, much to Randy's mock dismay.

Don't forget to check out old episodes and get ready for the big 300! Until next time, stay rich (in spirit)!