Episode 298 - Flesh Toned Boa

🎙️ The Rich Dickman Show – Episode 298: “Flesh Toned Boa”
This week on The Rich Dickman Show, Rem, Cody, Ray, and Randy unleash another round of unfiltered chaos—covering everything from goat poop and hotel rage to AI Jesus art and morally bankrupt hypotheticals. It’s dumb. It’s brilliant. It’s TRDS.

 

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🐐 Randy Buys a Goat

Randy confesses that his wife impulse-bought a live goat at a swap meet—for $125. It now lives in their house and poops "little pellets" that are “easy to sweep.” Totally normal.
This spirals into his weight update: last week, 393.4 lbs. This week? 384.9—a big drop he credits to liquid shits. He’s also moving forward with bariatric surgery, prompting the gang to brainstorm what to do with the future excess skin. A “flesh-toned boa” is the frontrunner. Disgusting. Hilarious.

 

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🛁 Rem vs. The Hotel Shower

Rem vents about being bait-and-switched by a Maryland hotel that advertised a tub but had a water-saving walk-in shower instead.
This leads to a passionate tirade about modern hotel failures, bath-time rituals, and somehow, climate change, water evaporation, and magnetic pole shifts. Yes, really.

 

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💰 Holy Assets & Spam Calls

Randy drops a bombshell: the Mormon Church is worth $293 billion, easily dwarfing the Vatican’s $15B.
The guys swap tales about Scientology mall recruiters and nearly getting thetans tested.
That segues into a unified rage session on spam calls, especially the solar panel grift. Spoiler: they hate you.

 

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📱 Ray’s $2,400 War with AT&T

Ray unleashes a legendary consumer rage segment, recounting his three-year battle with AT&T over a failed trade-in promo that cost him $2,400.
After 20 years of loyalty, he jumps to T-Mobile, gets better speeds instantly, and regrets only that he couldn’t rage-quit in person.
They offered him $100 to stay. He laughed and walked out.
Verdict: “Money-hungry goofballs.”

 

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🥡 Cody’s Week in Vibes

Cody had an objectively better time:

• Attended a Chinese zodiac-themed light show
  
  

• Ate duck dumplings with bacon and cheese
  
  

• Crushed a structurally sound food truck burger with loaded fries
  
  

• Drank Kool-Aid with pineapple chunks out of a reusable pouch
  Peak week unlocked.
  
  

 

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🐓 Dick of the Week

This week’s candidates:

• A student rescued twice from Mount Fuji
  
  

• A woman who firebombed a Tesla dealership with Nazi graffiti
  
  

• Antisemitic vandals targeting a historic synagogue in Philly
  Winner: The Molotov-tossing Tesla hater. No contest.
  
  

 

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❓ Dickman Dilemmas

Ethics get chokeslammed as the boys debate life’s most deranged hypotheticals:

• 🦁 Lick or Click?
  Let a lion lick steak sauce off your chest, or sit in a room for 10 minutes with a monkey holding a loaded gun?
  Heads up: Lions hate sugar. Monkeys hate rules.
  
  

• 🐶 Puppy Orphanage or Poverty Forever?
  Destroy a puppy orphanage live on TV for $5M, or make minimum wage forever?
  Take the money. Evacuate the pups. Rebuild it better.
  
  

• 👵 Hug Grandma, Lose Yourself?
  Travel back in time to hug your dead grandma, but risk erasing your own existence.
  Depends: Were her cookies worth the cosmic gamble?
  
  

• 🦅 Dictator for a Day, Then Die?
  Become Supreme Dictator for 24 hours and pass any laws—but you’re publicly executed at the end.
  Loophole: Outlaw your own execution. Easy game.
  
  

 

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💎 Jules or Not

New game: Were these unhinged tweets written by Jules, Rem’s former co-host?
Two tweets. Two rounds of debate. Zero answers. Maximum confusion.

 

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🎣 Gorton’s Fish Fillet Ad

Ad read time. It’s for Gorton’s Fish Fillets, and somehow it turns into a full sketch.
You’ll either crave fish—or question your life choices.

 

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✝️ What Would Jesus Draw?

This week’s prompt: Jesus doing outdoor spring sports. AI-generated holy chaos includes:

• Ultimate frisbee Jesus
  
  

• Cheese-rolling Jesus (with Girl Scouts and Jedi watching)
  
  

• Golfing Jesus on water while Moses heckles
  
  

• Lawn dart Jesus at a Memorial Day picnic featuring bikinis and a severed head
  
  

Winner: Golf Jesus with Moses, in the style of a vintage golf ad.
Next week’s theme: Jesus selling designer robes.

 

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👻 Haunted Houses & Wrestling Debates

Ray updates us on a possibly haunted Airbnb—a return trip is planned.
Then: A serious debate on whether pro wrestling is America’s greatest art (it is), whether Goldberg is good (he's not), and the Back to the Future deep-cut about Eric Stoltz almost playing Marty McFly.

 

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🎤 Outro

Final plugs:
👉 WhatWouldJesusDraw.com
👉 Send in your Dickman Dillemas
👉 Call the Dickman Line: 513-512-5721

Post-show banter includes server costs, barking dogs, and just enough existential dread to remind you you’re alive.