334. How to Become a Loving Person

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Transcript for How to Become a Loving Person

Pam and I just moved to Boston from Tucson, Arizona.  We lived there for 13 years.  We planted the church there and created so many memories.  The last month we were there, we were busy packing up and saying goodbye to people.  It’s hard to condense thirteen years into a few goodbyes.  You know what was most important to Pam and me?  Knowing that I loved the people there and that they loved me.  When I heard people share how I had helped them and loved them, that’s all that mattered.  There were many things people shared that I had forgotten about.  They were often small things, but they were big to those people.  Coming here I decided to have a simple focus, to love.  That’s the goal.

What’s your goal? 

·       Make friends?

·       Find a romantic relationship

·       Make a difference?

It’s easy to remain unconnected with people even when you are surrounded by them.  Let’s figure out how to grow in love:

Let’s read 1 Timothy 1:3-6

³ As I urged you when I went into Macedonia, stay there in Ephesus so that you may command certain people not to teach false doctrines any longer ⁴ or to devote themselves to myths and endless genealogies. Such things promote controversial speculations rather than advancing God’s work—which is by faith. ⁵ The goal of this command is love, which comes from a pure heart and a good conscience and a sincere faith. ⁶ Some have departed from these and have turned to meaningless talk. 

Paul is advising Timothy how to lead the church in Ephesus.  He tells him to command people to stop wasting time with empty words, false doctrine, gossip and backbiting.  He says the goal of this command is love.  Love provides the environment that advances God’s work.  If you’ve ever been in a dysfunctional family or church, you know how God’s work gets sidelined when love takes a backseat to controversy.

Love is too general of a goal to approach directly.  It really has to be broken down.  How do you become a more loving person?  How do you experience more love in your heart?  How do you change and grow into a person who is surrounded by loving people?

Paul explains that love is like a tree that grows when it’s in the soil of a pure heart, good conscience and a sincere faith.  Let’s break that down:

·       Love Comes From A Pure Heart

Proverbs 4:23-27, Above all else, guard your heart,
    for everything you do flows from it.
²⁴ Keep your mouth free of perversity;
    keep corrupt talk far from your lips.
²⁵ Let your eyes look straight ahead;
    fix your gaze directly before you.
²⁶ Give careful thought to the^[c] paths for your feet
    and be steadfast in all your ways.
²⁷ Do not turn to the right or the left;
    keep your foot from evil.

The Bible says guard your heart because everything you do flows from it.  When you allow poison into your heart, it kills the love that wants to grow there.

The first way to keep your heart pure is to watch what you say.  Keep your words positive, faithful and upbuilding.  Paul was pointing out the “meaningless talk” and empty words of the Christians. 

How are you doing in what you say?  Are you loving people with your words or tearing them down?

One decision Pam and I made before we left Tucson was that we were going to encourage every person specifically who came to church. We spent several midweek services praising and thanking every member and person who was attending.  There were people in the audience who we had conflicts with.  There were a few people who we had funny feelings toward and they felt the same toward us.  But we decided to only praise and encourage.  It was amazing.  My feelings for those people changed and when they had a farewell party for us, they were so loving and kind.

Take a minute to say something positive about the next person you run into.  Whether you are at work, the gym, in class or at home, deliberately take a second to say something encouraging to the next person you bump into.  It can be as simple as “I like your shirt” or “I’m glad you’re here” but make a decision to use your words for good if you want to have a pure heart.

The second way to develop a pure heart is to ²⁵ Let your eyes look straight ahead;
    fix your gaze directly before you.

Be careful what you are looking at.  It’s hard to be loving when you have no boundaries for what you allow your eyes to see.

·       Shopping

·       Money

·       Sex

The summer after I graduated from high school, I was dating a girl who had won a miss teen America pageant.  Needless to say, she was pretty.  But I got distracted.  Instead of focusing on her, I got focused on buying a 1965 Volkswagen.  I paid $1,100 for it and then the same week I bought it, the engine blew.  I spent that summer working full time to buy and then rebuild it.  I was so obsessed with that car, I would work 24-hour shifts at the fairgrounds picking up trash to earn money.  My eyes were on the car and not my girlfriend.  Guess what happened?  She dumped me for someone who was willing to pay attention to her. 

What are you focused on?  Where are you eyes looking?  It’s hard to love when your eyes are focused on the wrong thing.

 

·       Love Comes From A Good Conscience

When you guard your heart and start cultivating a pure heart, it leads to a good conscience.  You start feeling peace of mind.  It’s hard to feel loving when you know that what you believe and the way you are living are in conflict.  You feel like a fraud and a faker.  If you’d like to improve your peace of mind, take some time to talk to someone about what’s going on in your life.  There are always going to be gaps in our life and doctrine, acknowledging those gaps goes a long way toward creating a good conscience and closing the gap.

When’s the last time you talked to someone about what is bothering your conscience?  You know what is the hardest call to make?  The call to let someone know that you aren’t perfect, that you blew it and that you made a mistake.  I was just reading Seneca this morning and he said, “Why does no one admit his failings?  Because he’s still deep in them.  It’s the person who’s awakened who recounts his dream, and acknowledging one’s failings is a sign of health.” 

I have a discipling relationship with someone that I talk to regularly.  I hate it when I’ve got a sin I need to confess and talk about.  Whether it’s lust, something stupid I said, whether I was sharp in my tone with Pam or any other thing, I don’t want to make that call and talk to the person.  But my conscience bothers me.  I don’t have a good conscience.  But what Seneca is saying is encouraging.  The fact that my conscience does bother me shows that I am spiritually alive and sensitive.  I’d be in real trouble if I didn’t feel the need to deal with my sin.  Seneca goes on to say, “With afflictions of the spirit, though, the opposite is the case:  the worse a person is, the less he feels it.”

·       Love Comes From A Sincere Faith

Paul is pointing out the difference between love and empty talk that masquerades as religion.  God is looking for disciples who show express their faith by practicing love not empty talk. 

My life previous to Jesus was empty words.  I wasn’t loving and I didn’t have a genuine and sincere faith.  My friends would be surprised when I offered to help them or serve.

When you focus on planting seeds of purity, good conscience and sincere faith love will follow.

Jesus is the ultimate example of this passage.  His heart was pure, his conscience was good and his faith was sincere.  It revealed itself through love and sacrifice:

Romans 5:6-8,

⁶ You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. ⁷ Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous person, though for a good person someone might possibly dare to die. ⁸ But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

Every week at church we remember the one person who consistently hit the goal of loving.  He showed it by giving his life for those who aren’t.  That’s why Jesus told us to take time to remember his life and death every week.  It reminds us how much we are loved and inspires us to be more loving.  Look what Seneca, the stoic philosopher wrote:

Happy the man who improves other people not merely when he is in their presence but even when he is in their thoughts! And happy, too, is the person who can so revere another as to adjust and shape his own personality in the light of recollections, even, of that other. A person able to revere another thus will soon deserve to be revered himself…Choose someone whose way of life as well as words, and whose very face as mirroring the character that lies behind it, have won your approval. Be always pointing him out to yourself either as your guardian or as your model. There is a need, in my view, for someone as a standard against which our characters can measure themselves. Without a ruler to do it against you won’t make the crooked straight.

Wouldn’t it be awesome to be a consistently loving person?  How amazing it’d be to be known as an extremely loving person.  Let me remind you of some steps to building a loving heart:

·       Watch your words

·       Watch your eyes

·       Be honest with your life

·       Get around people who are going in the right direction

·       Build a sincere faith and learn the truth