261. Dealing with School Refusal

Welcome back to School Counseling Simplified! As we dive into the back-to-school season, many of us are seeing students who are struggling with separation anxiety and school refusal. In this episode, we’re talking about how you can support not only the students experiencing anxiety, but also the teachers in your building and the parents at home.

We’ll cover a wide range of practical, school-based strategies that you can implement right away. From calming tools and classroom tips to talking points for caregivers, this episode will give you a full toolkit for addressing separation anxiety at the start of the school year.

Whether you’re working with new kindergarten students, recent transfers, or kids who are just feeling unsure after summer break, these ideas will help you build connections, reduce fear, and create a strong foundation for the year ahead.

Tips for Supporting Students

• School Tours: Offering a separate tour (outside of open house or back-to-school night) can help new or anxious students become familiar with the campus and reduce fear of the unknown.
  
  

• Safe Spaces: Creating a calm-down corner in your counseling office, or encouraging teachers to have one in the classroom, can give students a space to feel grounded.
  
  

• Daily Check-ins: Offer brief check-ins during the first few days or weeks to help students feel supported by a trusted adult.
  
  

• Safety Plans: For students still experiencing significant anxiety after rapport has been built, work together to create a personal safety plan that outlines their support system and calming strategies.
  
  

• Small Groups: Run a separation anxiety small group using CBT-based activities, mindfulness tools, and games to help students feel less alone and more empowered.

Tips for Teachers

• Buddy Systems: Pair students experiencing anxiety with a calm, confident peer to help them feel supported and included.
  
  

• Visual Schedules: Use visual schedules to help students know what to expect throughout the day, reducing anxiety caused by uncertainty.
  
  

• SEL Integration: Incorporate social-emotional learning into daily routines with a consistent morning meeting or circle time.
  
  

• Read-Alouds: Use books like The Invisible String to open up conversations about separation and connection.
  
  

• Classroom Jobs: Assign meaningful classroom roles to help anxious students feel a sense of purpose and belonging.
  
  

• Transitional Objects: Allow students to bring a comforting object from home (such as a stuffed animal, small toy, or photo) during the first few days.
  
  

Tips for Parents and Caregivers

• Validation: Encourage caregivers to acknowledge their child’s feelings without minimizing them. A simple “I see this is really hard for you” goes a long way.
  
  

• Consistent Routines: Remind parents of the power of predictability. A steady sleep schedule, breakfast routine, and drop-off ritual can ease anxiety.
  
  

• Practice Separations: Suggest that parents do short practice separations before school starts (e.g., playdates or time at a grandparent’s house).
  
  

• Quick Goodbyes: Encourage brief, confident goodbyes at drop-off and reassure the child about who will pick them up. Lingering can unintentionally reinforce anxiety.
  
  

• Positive Modeling: Remind parents that children often take cues from adults. Expressing enthusiasm and trust in the school helps children feel the same.
  
  

By supporting students, teachers, and families together, you can help reduce separation anxiety and set everyone up for success this school year. This episode offers you a well-rounded approach that’s practical, compassionate, and easy to implement.

 

Resources Mentioned:

• Join IMPACT

• Separation Anxiety Group 

• Podcast Episode on Supporting Anxious Students 

Books:

• The Invisible String by Patrice Karst 

• First Day Jitters by Julie Danneberg 

• A Letter from Your Teacher: On the First Day of School by Shannon Olsen 

 

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More About School Counseling Simplified:

School Counseling Simplified is a podcast offering easy to implement strategies for busy school counselors. The host, Rachel Davis from Bright Futures Counseling, shares tips and tricks she has learned from her years of experience as a school counselor both in the US and at an international school in Costa Rica.

You can listen to School Counseling Simplified on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcasts, and more!