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How to Stop Self-Sabotage

SOUL SCHOOL with Audrey

Release Date: 06/29/2020

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SOUL SCHOOL with Audrey

In a world where we’re taught that thinner is better and being younger is more desirable, it’s hard for us to push through that noise and be stronger than societies expectations. My intention for my post was to inspire women to love themselves, not degrade themselves.

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SOUL SCHOOL with Audrey

To celebrate episode 100 Today on the Soul School podcasts, I talk with Donte Quinine, a Tedx speaker, life coach and yoga leader about spirituality and racial injustice.

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SOUL SCHOOL with Audrey

Although we can learn tactics for building self-love, sometimes we get stuck of how to actually put these tools into practice. It’s tough to rewire our brain patterns. This week’s mantra is when you get into conflict with yourself, ask: “what would someone who truly loved themselves do?” to help you shift out of your head and into your heart. www.AudreySuttonMills.co,

Learning from Your Dark Shadows show art Learning from Your Dark Shadows

SOUL SCHOOL with Audrey

Shadows are a dark part of our personality that we often want to hide because it brings us shame. One tool is to give the shadow a personal name to help ease the self-inquiry process and help you stay open to learning about yourself so you can let go of judgment and be there for yourself to learn the lesson. Only when we can be with our uncomfortable feelings, then we can learn from them what they are trying to show us.

How to REparent Yourself show art How to REparent Yourself

SOUL SCHOOL with Audrey

You have learned beliefs and patterns that you bring into your relationships with each other and yourself. Nothing is new. As children we’re very good at being in tune with our environment and very good at protecting ourselves to feel safe. Even if you had a good childhood, you learned ways of how to act by watching your caregivers, parents, siblings, cousins and their behaviors, beliefs and expectations. Reparenting is the act of giving yourself what you needed as a child.

How to Generously listen to yourself (inner child meditation) show art How to Generously listen to yourself (inner child meditation)

SOUL SCHOOL with Audrey

This is a guided meditation to connect to your inner child. It is a simple and easy tool to create a ritual for yourself each day.

Help for The People Pleaser show art Help for The People Pleaser

SOUL SCHOOL with Audrey

You don’t have to fix yourself You’re not broken. By feeling your feelings, you return to your wholeness. If you’re constantly fixing, numbing and ignoring in order to be happy, you will always be chasing this destination. Happiness is fleeting – just like any other emotion. By honoring Life’s ups and downs, being with yourself and feeling your feelings fully, you’ll be able to find happiness in the process, build worthiness in your new skills, and trust your resilience that you are brave, matur

Self-forgiveness: How to Heal Wounds by Connecting With Your Inner Child show art Self-forgiveness: How to Heal Wounds by Connecting With Your Inner Child

SOUL SCHOOL with Audrey

The way we would talk to a child is so much different than we talk to our adult self. We’re harsh, judgmental and critical, but you would never be like that to a sweet young child. By connecting to the sweet little girl or boy in you, it’s easier to be kinder and softer to yourself. Creating a practice of self-forgiveness is one way you can begin to deepen your compassion towards yourself and expand your self-love. LMK if this is helpful: www.AudreySuttonMills.com. Join me for SOUL SCHOOL 10/5/2020

4 Ways to Help When You Want to Quit show art 4 Ways to Help When You Want to Quit

SOUL SCHOOL with Audrey

Today, you'll learn 4 ways to help you combat your itty-bitty-shitty-committee when you get down in those dark places and want to quit. Your hardest times often lead to the greatest moments of your life. Don’t quit! You’re about to breakthrough. It’s happening. Keep going! LMK how this is helping you. Thank you for sharing, rating and reviewing this podcast! xo Audrey

You're in Resistance When You're About to Transform show art You're in Resistance When You're About to Transform

SOUL SCHOOL with Audrey

This week’s mantra is: “I’m in resistance because I’m about to transform.”

More Episodes

EP 91 Stop sabotaging yourself 


It's hard to change, especially when that habit or belief system has been ingrained in you for years, decades, or a lifetime.


Today’s mantra Monday and intention for this week is to bring awareness to your habits to stop self-sabotage. 


Only you know how you’re sabotaging yourself. It could be second guessing yourself, questioning your actions or skills, not believing in your abilities, comparing yourself to others, doing things you know you shouldn’t do, or doing things you know you should do. 


Self-sabotage is knowing what you want and how to get there, but doing the opposite, undermining the thing you desire. 


Personally, for example:

I know that Yoga is good for me, but I don't do it. During quarantine I've done yoga three times in three months, which is crazy, because I always complain how I don’t have enough time to get to the teachers I love. And now, all the teachers around the world who I love are accessible online.


I also know that eating healthy will get me to how I want to feel in my body - healthier, fitter, stronger, more confident, but more often than not fat kid Freddy takes over and sabotages my eating habits. 


The biggest self-sabotage that I’m currently experiencing is in my business. I want to create a business and brand that is successful and meaningful, and I know that consistency of content is key to building that. But I sabotage this dream by finding other things to do instead of what I need to do, and I’m also very critical of myself, which causes doubt, fog and inertia. Perfectionism stops me from creating. And then, I feel like a failure for not creating. It’s a bad cycle.


I'm not sure why we sabotage the very thing or feeling we desire. 


A few things I'm learning as a parent is that a child will subconsciously reenact their bad behavior as a cry for help to heal old wounds and patterns that are out of their control. For example, a toddler may hit because she doesn’t have the emotional intelligence or maturity to stop herself or express her big emotions of fear, overwhelm or stimulation in a healthy way. Or maybe she’s had a negative experience with a caregiver, so she will recreate that bad behavior reenacting it with that person as a call for help to heal her emotion and that pattern, asking that person to step in and stop her, because she can’t stop herself. Once it’s done in a healthy and loving way, usually that negative pattern is broken.


Similarly our emotional brain is used to patterns so we reenact negative behaviors because they are comfortable as a subconscious cry for help. 


Sometimes the known is easier and more comfortable than the unknown, even if that known is not what we want. So we easily revert back to ways that are easy and comfortable and sabotage what we desire. That path is well worn.


Unlike a child who doesn’t have the emotionally developed brain that can rationalize and make sense of her big emotions and behaviors, our brain can make sense of our actions and emotions, and through awareness, we can begin to understand ourselves deeply and consciously choose again. 


Take a moment and think about one way you've been sabotaging yourself, your dreams, and how you want to feel. It could be anything - big or small.


Of course it’s easy for me to tell you, “hey, just stop being that way,” but for our emotional brain, it’s very hard to break our habits that are comfortable, even if we don't like these habits.


Change starts with awareness. 


Commit this week to being more mindful of when your subconscious brain takes over and hijacks the very thing you desire.


In that moment, notice it, then label it and choose again. You have the power of choice.


Release any fears and habits that block you from receiving the love and support you desire. 


I’m gonna do this with you, because I want to feel productive and in flow, but I sabotage my productivity by getting distracted, feeling uninspired, losing focus and being highly critical of myself. So, this week, I will notice when I feel overwhelmed, put pressure on myself to be perfect, and compare myself to others. Instead of doing what I normally do, which is going into the fridge to numb my emotions and distract me from the present moment, I will pause,  notice, and label how I’m feeling and what I’m doing  and choose again. 


By bringing awareness to how I’m feeling, I can take care and honor myself. I may choose to take a break, nap, journal, move my body, or shift my mindset to be more compassionate so I can create without criticism.


You have the power of choice. 

  1. Notice when you start to sabotage
  2. Label your emotions or  actions to bring it into consciousness. 
  3. Then choose again. 


Be present in that moment, CHOOSE, then let go and move on to the next moment. 


It’s not easy to look at ways you harm yourself. Through this daily mindfulness practice of watching your habits, labeling your big emotions and actions and consciously choosing from a place of love, you will build your self worth and curate a practice of self love. 


Small steps create big change.


I believe in you and will be right there with you doing the work too.


If this tool is helpful to you, I appreciate you reviewing this episode and sharing it with anyone who would benefit.


As always, I’m grateful to you for taking the time to listen to this podcast and being part of our soul school family. You are enough and you matter!

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