372: The Fantasy of Fixing People Pt. 3
The Connected Life
Most of us don’t set out to control people—we think we’re helping. We say it’s love, protection, or just wanting the best. But underneath, codependency often looks like playing God, trying to save others from pain so we don’t have to feel it ourselves. In this episode, Justin and Abi get personal about the subtle ways control sneaks into relationships: when someone else’s choices feel like a reflection on us, when regret from our past makes us overprotective, or when fear of future consequences drives us to intervene. Through honest stories about friends, family, and faith, they...
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371: The Savior Complex Trap Pt. 2
The Connected Life
So many of us grow up believing that love means fixing, managing, or predicting other people. It feels safer to silence our needs than risk being “too much.” But what if that survival strategy is actually what keeps us disconnected? In part two of this three part series, Justin and Abi continue their conversation on codependency, sharing how growing up in chaotic homes taught them to avoid vulnerability and chase the illusion of peace. They unpack what happens when we don’t know our own needs, why denial keeps us stuck, and how self-awareness becomes the key to real connection. Along the...
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370: Growing Up Codependent Pt. 1
The Connected Life
So many of us confuse codependency with love—believing that fixing, managing, or rescuing others is the way to feel safe and connected. But what if that “care” is really control in disguise? In part one of this three part series, Justin and Abi get personal about how childhood instability, unprocessed grief, and toxic empathy shaped their patterns of over-responsibility. They unpack how codependency forms as a survival strategy, why hyper-vigilance can feel like compassion, and the hidden cost of carrying emotions that aren’t yours. From childhood memories to marriage struggles, they...
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369: Emotional Immaturity in Relationships Pt.3
The Connected Life
Most of us want to be emotionally mature—calm in conflict, clear about our needs, and kind even when we’re hurting. But no one really teaches us how to get there. In this episode, Justin, Abi, and Rachel unpack one of the most overlooked skills of emotional maturity: distress tolerance. They explore how learning to stay present with uncomfortable feelings—like shame, rejection, or fear—can completely shift the way we handle conflict, communicate needs, and repair in relationships. You’ll hear honest stories about moments when they wanted to escape, react, or fix things fast—and how...
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368: Emotional Maturity: Letting Love In Pt. 2
The Connected Life
Most of us say we want to be loved — but for many of us, when it shows up at our doorstep, it stirs up panic, self-doubt, and the urge to run. But what if allowing people to love us could feel comfortable and completely normal? In this episode, Justin, Abi, and their long-time friend Rachel unpack what it means to build emotional distress tolerance—not just for pain, but for goodness. They explore why being seen, supported, or chosen can feel so threatening when your nervous systems is used to disappointment or self-reliance. From unexpected gifts to unwavering kindness, they share...
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367: The Key to Emotional Maturity Pt. 1
The Connected Life
Most of us were never taught how to be with uncomfortable emotions—only how to avoid, suppress, or get overwhelmed by them. The unfortunate result is disconnection in relationships and more suffering. But what if the real secret to healing and creating secure relationships isn’t about fixing the pain, but learning how to be with it? In this episode, Justin and Abi are joined by longtime friend and consultant Rachel to unpack the rarely talked about skill of emotional distress tolerance—what it is, why we need it, and how it becomes the key to emotional maturity. They get personal,...
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366: A Nervous System Reset
The Connected Life
Most of us don’t realize how disconnected we are from our bodies, our emotions, and the present moment. We live in constant motion, pushing through exhaustion, ignoring discomfort, and calling it normal. But no amount of thinking our way through life will ever replace the deep safety that comes from being connected to ourselves. Justin and Abi are back from their sabbatical... sort of. In this episode they explore how dysregulation in the nervous system affects everything from our relationships to our ability to live out the healing we fight so hard to experience. They share personal stories...
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365: The One Thing That Changed Our Marriage Pt. 1 - Greatest Hits
The Connected Life
We’ve all been in situations where conflict slowly builds between us and someone else, only to find ourselves acting in ways we’re not proud of. Suddenly, we’re asking, “How did I get here, and how can I stop this from happening again?” Yet, we often repeat these cycles, unsure of how to break free. It’s challenging for everyone involved—but there are solutions! In part one of this two-part episode, Justin and Abi explore how our nervous system can throw a massive monkey wrench into relational dynamics. They also share critical telltale signs of a dysregulated nervous system....
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364: There's Hope for Your Relationship - Greatest Hits
The Connected Life
Most of us don’t realize how much of our relationship pain is rooted in old stories—until those stories start playing out with the person we love most. It’s easy to blame our partners for the chaos in a relationship. But what if the truth is that we’re all just scared kids trapped in adult bodies, equally making messes as we search for safety? In this raw and redemptive episode, Justin and Abi share the full arc of their healing journey—from trauma bonding and codependency to finding internal safety, building emotional resilience, and learning to love without self-abandonment. They...
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363: Love that never fails - Greatest Hits
The Connected Life
In this heartfelt episode, Justin and Abi discuss the profound impact grief and suffering have on humanity, exploring how the radical love of God can overcome the despair and hopelessness we all face during overwhelming and painful experiences. Justin shares his personal journey of nearly losing Abi to her illness, revealing how his breaking point became a turning point for hope and freedom. Abi reflects on how her struggles have redefined her understanding of God’s love. Together, they offer a fresh perspective on suffering and fondly recount the goodness of a Creator who has remained...
info_outlineMost of us don’t set out to control people—we think we’re helping. We say it’s love, protection, or just wanting the best. But underneath, codependency often looks like playing God, trying to save others from pain so we don’t have to feel it ourselves.
In this episode, Justin and Abi get personal about the subtle ways control sneaks into relationships: when someone else’s choices feel like a reflection on us, when regret from our past makes us overprotective, or when fear of future consequences drives us to intervene. Through honest stories about friends, family, and faith, they unpack why pain is sometimes the very teacher people need, and how trust, boundaries, and invitation create space for real growth.
If you’ve ever exhausted yourself fixing others or confused control for love, this conversation will help you release the weight and find freedom in letting people be fully themselves.
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