Divorce Deals 101: What to Know Before You Make or Accept a Deal With Your Ex

One of the most underestimated parts of separation are— settlement offers. Whether you’re negotiating parenting arrangements, property division, or both, knowing how and when to make (or respond to) an offer can save you stress, time, and serious money.

We break down how settlement offers work, when to consider using Calderbank letters, how Section 117C of the Family Law Act affects legal costs, and the emotional traps that can trip you up during negotiation. We also talk about avoiding lowball traps, the risks of ignoring offers, and what to do if you’re dealing with an avoidant or high-conflict ex.

📌 Legal Disclaimer: This is a general legal discussion only. Always seek independent legal advice before making decisions about your case.

🎧 Listen to This Episode If You:

📬 You’ve just received an offer and don’t know what to do
📝 You’re drafting an offer and want to avoid costly mistakes
🤯 You’re confused about Calderbank offers or “without prejudice” negotiations
⚖️ You want to protect yourself from future legal costs
⏳ You’re wondering when the best time is to make an offer
😨 You’re worried your ex will use offers to manipulate or delay things
💬 You need tips for negotiating with high-conflict or avoidant exes
💡 You want to feel more confident and strategic about settlement

0:00 – legal disclaimer

1:00 – Why settlement offers are the key to ending court drama and legal stress

2:00 – What’s the point of making an offer if your ex is high-conflict or controlling?

3:30 – How making an offer (even if rejected) can help you with legal costs

5:00 – What are “party and party” costs and how much can you actually recover?

6:30 – Why you MUST put all offers in writing — and how to do it right

7:30 – Tips for structuring your offer: how to make it clear and court-friendly

9:00 – What happens when an offer is accepted — and how to turn it into consent orders

10:30 – Do you still have to go to court if you’ve accepted an offer?

12:30 – When’s the best time to make a settlement offer?

14:00 – Why timing matters and how it could impact a cost order

16:30 – Should you lowball or highball your offer like Facebook Marketplace?

18:00 – Mediation vs formal offers — what negotiation tactics are acceptable?

19:30 – What to ask yourself before you make an offer you might regret

21:30 – Mental prep: why understanding “fair” in the legal system is essential

24:00 – How guilt, people-pleasing, or pressure can lead to bad decisions

26:30 – The danger of controlling exes and how your history may influence your judgment

28:00 – What does “without prejudice” mean and why does it matter in negotiations?

30:00 – How to write a strong, effective, and strategic settlement offer

31:30 – What to do if you receive a last-minute or unreasonable offer

33:00 – Can you put time limits on offers? Are they enforceable?

34:30 – How to request more time or more information before accepting

36:00 – What if the offer is close, but not quite right? Counter-offer strategies

37:30 – Should your new partner, family, or friends be involved in decisions?

39:00 – Section 117C of the Family Law Act and how costs get awarded

41:00 – What if you ignore an offer completely?

43:00 – The emotional toll of negotiating and the power of staying objective

45:00 – Final tips for successful settlement negotiations

48:00 – Understanding your worst and best-case court outcomes before accepting

49:00 – A final reminder to always seek legal advice and protect your future

🔑 Key Topics Discussed

• What makes a good settlement offer — and why timing matters
  
  

• How Calderbank offers work and why they can protect you legally
  
  

• What Section 117C of the Family Law Act says about court-ordered costs
  
  

• The risks of ignoring or rejecting offers (especially in family court)
  
  

• When to negotiate and when to stand your ground
  
  

• Tips for writing a clear and strategic offer
  
  

• What happens if your offer is accepted (and what to do next)
  
  

• How to deal with unreasonable or manipulative exes
  
  

• Why offers must always be documented in writing
  
  

• What to do if you're pressured into accepting an offer you're unsure about
  
  

• The emotional reality of negotiation — and why it's okay to take your time
  
  

• Who should be involved in helping you assess or make an offer (spoiler: not your new partner!)
  
  

📎 Links & Resources Mentioned

• 
  ☎️ 1800 RESPECT – Family/domestic violence support
  ☎️ Lifeline: 13 11 14 – For emotional support
  📧 Email the show: [email protected]

• ⚠️ Emergency Contacts & Support Services:

• 💜 Women’s Shelter Service: Call 1800 811 811
  ⚖️ Legal Aid: Visit Legal Aid Website
  📞 Lifeline (24/7 Crisis Support): Call 13 11 14
  👨‍👦 Mensline Australia: Call 1300 789 978
  👧 Kids Help Line: Call 1800 551 800
  🚨 National Domestic Violence Hotline (1800 RESPECT): Call 1800 737 732
  🖤 Aboriginal Family Domestic Violence Hotline: Call 1800 019 123
  
  

• 🔗 Family Court Info – Section 117C https://www5.austlii.edu.au/au/legis/cth/consol_act/fla1975114/s117.html 

🎙️ Related Episodes

• Calderbank Offers https://open.spotify.com/episode/2B2Se7hTIBAOg5f5YJ5wqE?si=tJCQ-bSlSz-6YOl2jRgr4Q

• Disclosure Checklist https://www.thedivorcecourse.com.au/disclosurechecklist
  
  

📧 Email the show: [email protected]

⚠️ Emergency Contacts & Support Services:

💜 Women’s Shelter Service: Call 1800 811 811
⚖️ Legal Aid: Visit Legal Aid Website
📞 Lifeline (24/7 Crisis Support): Call 13 11 14
👨‍👦 Mensline Australia: Call 1300 789 978
👧 Kids Help Line: Call 1800 551 800
🚨 National Domestic Violence Hotline (1800 RESPECT): Call 1800 737 732
🖤 Aboriginal Family Domestic Violence Hotline: Call 1800 019 123

 ☎️ 1800 RESPECT – Family/domestic violence support
☎️ Lifeline: 13 11 14 – For emotional support

 

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