S2E46 - How to Set Limits When the Behavior Comes Out of Nowhere
Play Therapy Parenting Podcast
Release Date: 07/18/2025
Play Therapy Parenting Podcast
In this episode, I answer a question from a mom navigating a difficult co-parenting situation during divorce. Her young children are repeating things they’ve been told at the other parent’s house — including statements that aren’t true and comments that put them in the middle of adult conflict. I explain why shielding children from divorce details is not only appropriate, but essential for their emotional safety, and why kids should never feel responsible for adult problems. I walk through child-centered ways to respond when children repeat things they shouldn’t know or accuse a...
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In this episode of the Parent Companion for Play Therapy series, I explain how a child’s brain works differently from an adult’s brain in therapy — and why that difference matters so much. Many parents assume therapy is therapy, but children don’t process experiences through logic, language, or abstract thinking the way adults do. I compare adult brains to waffles and children’s brains to cooked spaghetti to show how adults can compartmentalize issues, while children experience everything as connected and happening all at once. I walk through why verbal prompts and talk-based therapy...
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In this episode, I answer a question from Deborah about co-parenting, shared custody, and how to support a 12-year-old who doesn’t want to go back and forth between homes. I explain why, even at this age, kids are still not comfortable using words to handle emotionally charged situations, especially when feelings are involved. Expecting a child to clearly and calmly advocate for themselves in a tense relational situation often reflects adulthood bias, not developmental reality. I walk through why it still matters for the child’s voice to be heard, but how parents can support that in...
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In this episode of the Parent Companion for Play Therapy series, I explain the concept of self-fulfilling prophecy and how it shapes a child’s behavior, identity, and sense of self. Children often become what the people in their lives expect them to be — not because those expectations are spoken directly, but because they’re communicated through tone, reactions, labels, and assumptions. I talk about how easily children become branded as “the bad kid,” “the quiet kid,” or “the problem kid,” and how those expectations quietly limit who they believe they can become. I also...
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In this episode, I answer a question from Kylee about sibling jealousy — specifically how her seven-year-old daughter reacts during her siblings’ birthdays. I explain how birth order plays a significant role in this dynamic and why middle children often struggle with attention and identity. I walk through how jealousy fits into the bigger picture of being “the forgotten child” in a family of five, and why her daughter’s reactions make sense developmentally. I also share practical steps to reduce jealousy and strengthen connection, including building in weekly one-on-one time with...
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In this episode of the Parent Companion for Play Therapy series, I talk about nature versus nurture and how both play a meaningful role in the behaviors parents often seek therapy for. I explain the difference between a child’s inborn personality traits (nature) and the experiences that shape them over time (nurture), and why many struggles — anxiety, control, sensory sensitivities, aggression, timidity — usually reflect both at work. I walk through how child-centered play therapy honors who a child naturally is while helping them regain regulation when life experiences have pushed their...
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In this episode of the Parent Companion for Play Therapy series, I talk about how many challenging behaviors in young children can be traced back to one core issue: power and control. Melanie wrote in with concerns about her two-and-a-half-year-old nephew — picky eating, tantrums, saying “no” to everything, refusing to follow directions, and melting down when overwhelmed. I walk through how each of these behaviors connects to a child’s need to feel some sense of control in their world, especially when so much of daily life is directed by adults. I also explain why giving in during big...
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In this episode of the Parent Companion for Play Therapy series, I explain the idea of snowball momentum — how one area of growth in child-centered play therapy naturally leads to progress in other areas. Children rarely work on just one issue in isolation. As they begin addressing themes like power and control, self-esteem, anxiety, or aggression, progress in one area creates movement in the others. That momentum grows session by session, especially during the work phase of therapy, and becomes the driving force behind lasting change. I walk through how these therapeutic themes feed into...
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In this episode, I respond to a parent who’s navigating a long list of confusing behaviors with her six-year-old — from struggles with socks and underwear to bedtime battles, toileting challenges, emotional outbursts, and power struggles throughout the day. I explain how all of these issues point back to one core theme: control. Children only have control over a few things in their world, and when life feels overwhelming or unpredictable — especially for a child with medical trauma — they hold on tightly wherever they can. I walk through why these behaviors make sense, how medical...
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In this episode of the Parent Companion for Play Therapy series, I talk about how your child becomes the “identified change agent” in the family once they begin child-centered play therapy. When a child starts growing, regulating better, and acting differently, it naturally disrupts the family’s usual roles and patterns — and everyone else has to adjust. I explain why change in one person always leads to change in the entire system, even when the rest of the family isn’t in therapy. I also talk about birth order, family roles, and the self-fulfilling impact of the labels we use for...
info_outlineIn this episode, I answer a question from Kendall about how to set limits when you can’t predict a behavior in advance—like when a child suddenly lashes out at a sibling “for no reason.” I walk through how to balance proactive expectations with in-the-moment limit setting using the ACT model (Acknowledge, Communicate the limit, Target alternatives).
I also explain how to shift the language from parent-imposed consequences to child-led choices, so children learn that their actions have natural outcomes. Finally, I share why emotional vocabulary is essential for building regulation and why children often act before they think—reminding parents that developmentally, they’re not wired for reasoned decision-making yet. This episode is a practical guide for handling those surprising parenting moments while staying calm and connected.
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Common References:
Landreth, G.L. (2023). Play Therapy: The Art of the Relationship (4th ed.). Routledge.
Bratton, S. C., Landreth, G. L., Kellam, T., & Blackard, S. R. (2006). Child parent relationship therapy (CPRT) treatment manual: A 10-session filial therapy model for training parents. Routledge/Taylor & Francis Group.