The Narcissist, The “Let Them” Theory, And Internal Family Systems
Release Date: 07/01/2025
The Narcissist, The “Let Them” Theory, And Internal Family Systems
No Visible Bruises
In this episode of No Visible Bruises, I’m exploring something that’s gone viral recently, Mel Robbins’ “Let Them” theory and whether it actually supports or harms survivors of narcissistic abuse, domestic abuse, and coercive control.On the surface, the “Let Them” approach sounds freeing. Let them ignore you. Let them walk away. Let them show you who they are.But when you’re a survivor, especially someone recovering from relational trauma, “letting them” isn’t always simple. It can activate shame, abandonment wounds, or even put you back in harm’s way.So today, I’m...
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No Visible Bruises
Before we dive in, I’m thrilled to invite you to a free live masterclass I’m hosting, “Pain to Purpose: Building a Trauma Informed Business for Survivors of Narcissistic & Domestic Abuse.” on Sunday, the 29th of June. I’ll pop the link below and if you can join me live, fantastic. But even if you can’t, still register and I’ll send you the recording. If you’re reading this after the date of the 29th, still click on the link and I’ll send the recording over. Alone I can do so little, but collectively we can really facilitate a change in the world around narcissistic abuse,...
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No Visible Bruises
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No Visible Bruises
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No Visible Bruises
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No Visible Bruises
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No Visible Bruises
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No Visible Bruises
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No Visible Bruises
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No Visible Bruises
Today marks the launch of our rebranded podcast, No Visible Bruises sharing real survivor stories of narcissistic abuse, domestic abuse and coercive control, and the long-lasting physiological impact of trauma not just the psychological. In our very first episode, we sit down with Kirstie Haysman, who bravely shares her experience of narcissistic abuse and how it intertwines with her diagnosis of rheumatoid arthritis. This conversation is one not to miss. We explore: • How chronic conditions like arthritis, fibromyalgia, IBS and others can be linked to the trauma of relational abuse • What...
info_outlineIn this episode of No Visible Bruises, I’m exploring something that’s gone viral recently, Mel Robbins’ “Let Them” theory and whether it actually supports or harms survivors of narcissistic abuse, domestic abuse, and coercive control.On the surface, the “Let Them” approach sounds freeing. Let them ignore you. Let them walk away. Let them show you who they are.But when you’re a survivor, especially someone recovering from relational trauma, “letting them” isn’t always simple. It can activate shame, abandonment wounds, or even put you back in harm’s way.So today, I’m unpacking this idea through a trauma informed lens, asking:
• Can “Let Them” truly empower survivors?
• Or does it risk invalidating your trauma responses?
• What happens when “Letting Them” feels like fawning or freezing, not freedom?I also weave in Internal Family Systems (IFS), one of the key therapeutic approaches I use to show how different parts inside of us might respond to “Let Them” in wildly different ways. One part might crave detachment. Another might panic at the thought of being dismissed.I’m reflecting on:
• Why some self-help theories, while well-meaning, need adaptation for trauma survivors • How IFS helps us make sense of conflicting inner responses
• What “Let Them” looks like from a somatic and parts-based perspective
And how we can take what works from the theory while still honouring our healing processIf you’re trying to unhook from a narcissist or toxic family system, this episode is for you. It’s raw, reflective, and designed to help you feel seen, not shamed. Don’t ever be alone in your journey and make sure you come and join my private Facebook community, No Visible Bruises where you can connect with other survivors of narcissistic abuse, domestic abuse and coercive control:
https://www.facebook.com/groups/novisiblebruises.
Disclaimer: The views and opinions shared in this podcast are those of the individuals involved and are intended for informational and educational purposes only. They do not substitute professional or medical advice. If you’ve been affected by anything discussed in today’s episode, please consider reaching out to a qualified healthcare provider or mental health professional for support. You’re not alone, and help is always available.