Purity Culture Sets Us Up for Failure w/ Reuben Johnson
Release Date: 04/29/2026
Arielle Z on Ariel Z: Consent, Comedy & Chaos w/Ariel Zucker
Birds And Bees Don't Fck
Join us LIVE AT FIVE (PT) on YouTube for the watch party every Wednesday: Ariel Zucker is a producer, director, and writer from Atlanta, Georgia where sex education was taught through abstinence, fear-based messaging, and wildly unhelpful visuals that left her and her peers confused about their bodies and sexuality. In this episode we talk about growing up with abstinence-based sex education, the confusion and shame that comes from fear-driven messaging, how sex education shapes our early experiences, and what it actually means to unlearn all of that as an adult. We get into working in...
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Dangerous Women w/ Alyssa Mei Liu
Birds And Bees Don't Fck
Alyssa Mei Lue is a traveling burlesque and circus performer, Playboy model, and podcaster from Riverside, California, where her formal sex education consisted of one vague classroom video, a heavily religious upbringing, and getting married at 21 before she had ever seen, touched, or had sex with a penis. In this episode, we talk about performance, survival, and what it actually means to be a dangerous woman. Alyssa shares how she got into modeling during quarantine, why modeling can be just as risky as live performance, and how learning boundaries in those industries changed the way she...
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We should be kissing each other, not fighting each other w/ Emily Zawadzki
Birds And Bees Don't Fck
Join us LIVE AT FIVE (PT) on YouTube for the watch party every Wednesday: Emily Zawadzki (AKA Emily Zed) is a Canadian sex educator who specializes in supporting queer, kinky, and neurodivergent people navigating intimacy, relationships, and pleasure. She grew up in Kitchener-Waterloo, Ontario, where her formal sex education came from Catholic school abstinence lessons, graphic STI scare tactics, and a very cool mom who handed her an educational flap book about how babies are made. In this episode we talk about building a career in sex education, why gender-affirming care isn’t just for...
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I Thought Penises Had Bones w/ Joy Mamey
Birds And Bees Don't Fck
Join us LIVE AT FIVE (PT) on YouTube for the watch party every Wednesday: Joy Mamey is an actor, writer, comedian, cancer survivor, and improviser currently performing with Sunday Company at The Groundlings who grew up in Los Angeles where her sex ed teacher wouldn’t answer her questions so she thought sex was basically naked kissing and that penises had bones. In this episode we talk about the surprising overlap between improv and intimacy, why "yes and" can become a people-pleasing trap, and what happens when we're taught to ignore our instincts to make other people comfortable. Joy...
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You Can’t Masturbate Your Way to a Million Dollars w / Caitlin V
Birds And Bees Don't Fck
Join us LIVE AT FIVE (PT) on YouTube for the watch party every Wednesday: Caitlin V is a sex and relationship coach, former sexuality researcher, author of Harder, Better, Longer, Stronger, and host of Good Sex on HBO Max from Michigan where her earliest sex education included a fifth-grade period lesson, a graphic STI scare slide in health class, and years of curiosity about pleasure that she had already discovered on her own. In this episode we talk about what men actually want help with in their sex lives, why performance goals like “lasting longer” rarely solve the real problem, and...
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Episode 69: Making Her Moan w/ Daddy Heff
Birds And Bees Don't Fck
It’s 6/9 so we’re publishing early! Plus if you're in Los Angeles, come with us... to Melrose Umbrella Co from 6-9p to celebrate! Daddy Heff is a professional dominant, kink educator and master of the sensual art of impact play from Greensboro, North Carolina where his earliest sex education included school lessons on fallopian tubes, ovaries, sperm and semen, sneaking reads of his mom’s risqué novels, flipping through Penthouse Forum stories, and asking a very uncomfortable teacher to explain anal sex after seeing it in a porn video. In this episode we talk about the connection between...
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Stay Attractive. Stay Attracted. w/ Phil Morris
Birds And Bees Don't Fck
Join us for the watch party on YouTube LIVE AT FIVE (PT) on episode release day: Phil Morris is an actor best known as Jackie Chiles on Seinfeld and John Jones on Smallville who grew up in Los Angeles and Beverly Hills, where the closest thing to sex education was basic health class, a little anatomy, and figuring out the rest through growing up in Hollywood. In this episode we talk about Good Vibes Breakfast Club, the beautiful way community can create space for men to be vulnerable, and why real connection so often happens when people drop the performance and just show up as...
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Everyone Wants To Say Yes Mistress w/ Justine Cross
Birds And Bees Don't Fck
Justine Cross is a professional dominatrix, dungeon owner, educator, and sex worker advocate who grew up in the tri-state area where she actually received surprisingly comprehensive sex education growing up between private and public schools, something she credits with shaping how she thinks about sex, consent, and power dynamics today. In this episode we talk about how someone becomes a professional dominatrix, what actually happens inside a BDSM dungeon, and why kink spaces are often far more structured, communicative, and consent-focused than most people expect. We also get into power...
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Is This Blood Normal? w/ Nicole Jardim
Birds And Bees Don't Fck
Join the live watch party on YouTube today, episode release day, at 5p PT / 8p ET: Nicole Jardim is a certified women’s health coach, author of Fix Your Period, and founder of the Institute for Menstrual Health originally from Antigua where the closest thing to sex education was mostly silence… leaving her to figure out hormones, cycles, and menstrual health the hard way before eventually dedicating her career to helping other women do the same. In this episode we talk about Nicole and I’s shared history working in television production, how burnout and health challenges led her to...
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Purity Culture and Fascism Are Very Good Friends w/ Erica Smith
Birds And Bees Don't Fck
Erica Smith is an award-winning sexuality educator, advocate, and author from rural Pennsylvania, where she grew up casually Christian, went to public school, learned sex ed from a gym teacher, and somehow became the most responsible teenage sexual health nerd with birth control, condoms, spermicide, and library books before having sex for the first time. In this episode we talk about purity culture, religious sexual shame, high-control groups, Christian nationalism, marital consent, “duty sex,” the pressure placed on both women and men in evangelical purity teachings, and why healing from...
info_outlineReuben Johnson is one half of FlyDuo, a husband-and-wife team behind the pleasure-forward platform SexTech n' Chill, originally from the suburbs of Boston where growing up in a strict religious environment meant sex education was mostly abstinence, shame and silence.
In this episode we talk about purity culture, abstinence-only sex education and how religious messaging around sex can leave people completely unprepared for real intimacy. We get into the science behind pleasure, why nervous system regulation matters in the bedroom, the myth of “think about baseball” when people struggle with performance anxiety, and how honest conversations about sex can actually help protect people from harm. We also talk about building a pleasure-centered relationship, the work Reuben and his wife are doing with SexTech n' Chill, and why comprehensive sex education is still so controversial in the United States.
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Where to find Reuben:
SexTech n' Chill: https://sextechnchill.com
FlyDuo: https://xoflyduo.com
Instagram: @sextechnchill
YouTube: @SexTechNChill
Where to find Arielle:
Instagram: @birdsandbeesdontfck
TikTok: @birdsandbeesdontfck
Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/cw/birdsandbeesdontfck
Join the live watch party on YouTube today, episode release day, at 5p PT / 8p ET: https://www.youtube.com/@birdsandbeesdontfck
Love jewelry that doubles as a vibrator? Me too! Get $15 Off Crave Pleasure Jewelry Here: https://lovecrave.com/arielle
Episode Cheat Sheet
02:10 Museum of Sex panel and meeting other sex educators
04:02 Consent, body language and what animals teach us about boundaries
08:36 Trauma responses, fawning and reading nonverbal cues
11:05 Nervous system regulation, anxiety and grounding techniques
15:02 Communication, emotional safety and better sex
19:11 Performance anxiety and why “think about baseball” is terrible sex advice
22:05 Vulnerability, trust and sexual confidence in relationships
24:40 Growing up in Boston and avoiding sex education conversations
26:40 Religious purity culture and sexual shame
29:10 The first real sex education class in high school
31:03 Condoms, lube and the basics abstinence-only programs skip
33:28 Why abstinence-only sex education leaves people unprepared
34:15 Dr. Joycelyn Elders and the fight for comprehensive sex education
36:01 Why pleasure and eroticism challenge systems of control
41:00 Social media censorship and the fight for online sex education
46:54 Porn history, kink and the evolution of sexuality
52:20 Wedding night sex after purity culture
55:50 Building Sex Tech & Chill and pleasure-centered relationships