Purity Culture and Fascism Are Very Good Friends w/ Erica Smith
Birds And Bees Don't Fck
Erica Smith is an award-winning sexuality educator, advocate, and author from rural Pennsylvania, where she grew up casually Christian, went to public school, learned sex ed from a gym teacher, and somehow became the most responsible teenage sexual health nerd with birth control, condoms, spermicide, and library books before having sex for the first time. In this episode we talk about purity culture, religious sexual shame, high-control groups, Christian nationalism, marital consent, “duty sex,” the pressure placed on both women and men in evangelical purity teachings, and why healing from...
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A Condom For A Cheeto w/ Alex Gay
Birds And Bees Don't Fck
Join the live watch party on YouTube today, episode release day, at 5p PT / 8p ET: Alex Gay is a certified intimacy and relationship coach and adult performer from Maryland, where his sex education came from homeschooling, evangelical purity culture, and two conversations with his dad that left him wondering if condoms were worth trading for Cheetos. In this episode we talk about growing up in a religious high-control group, shame as a clue to desire, what kink actually means, why so many men are expected to magically know how to be good in bed, and how Alex went from purity culture to...
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Purity Culture Sets Us Up for Failure w/ Reuben Johnson
Birds And Bees Don't Fck
Reuben Johnson is one half of FlyDuo, a husband-and-wife team behind the pleasure-forward platform SexTech n' Chill, originally from the suburbs of Boston where growing up in a strict religious environment meant sex education was mostly abstinence, shame and silence. In this episode we talk about purity culture, abstinence-only sex education and how religious messaging around sex can leave people completely unprepared for real intimacy. We get into the science behind pleasure, why nervous system regulation matters in the bedroom, the myth of “think about baseball” when people struggle with...
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I Need You To Say Blue Balls w/ Ginger Koehler
Birds And Bees Don't Fck
Join the live watch party on YouTube today, episode release day, at 5p PT / 8p ET: Ginger Koehler is a sex educator, columnist and speaker from the Midwest where her earliest “sex talk” happened over mac and cheese at a McAlister’s… and ended with her bursting into tears when her mom explained what a period was. In this episode we talk about what it actually means to study sex academically, why people confidently give terrible sex advice online, and the moment Ginger realized she wanted to build a career translating complex sex science into language normal humans can understand....
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Wait… Is This A Kinky Dinner Party? w/ Maurice James
Birds And Bees Don't Fck
Join the live watch party on YouTube today, episode release day, at 5p PT / 8p ET: Maurice James is a comedian, host, actor, and co-creator of Kinky Comedy from Jackson, Mississippi where his formal sex education came from an Episcopalian school science class taught by a teacher who carried a petrified bull testicle cane… and where sex ed mostly felt like mitosis and meiosis rather than anything connected to his own body. Want to her Maurice and I unfiltered reading Reddit stories? Join the afterparty over on Patreon! Where to find Maurice: Instagram: & Kinky Comedy: ...
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A Real Good Sex Guy w / Justin Herman
Birds And Bees Don't Fck
Justin Herman is a television director and producer, internationally touring stand-up comedian, and co-creator of Kinky Comedy originally from Albany, New York where his formal sex education consisted of one awkward school lesson separating boys and girls, a confusing anatomical chart, and a diner conversation with his dad about “the birds and the bees” that definitely did NOT cover kink. In this episode we talk about the lifestyle community, kink and non-monogamy, how Kinky Comedy accidentally became a hub for sexually liberated audiences, the anthropology of play parties, why lifestyle...
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What Porn Taught Hollywood About Sex Scenes w/ Lotus Lain
Birds And Bees Don't Fck
Lotus Lain is an adult performer, producer, intimacy coordinator and sex worker advocate originally from California’s Central Valley where growing up in a small town meant most of her real sex education came later through curiosity, the internet, and eventually working in the adult industry itself. In this episode we talk about the unexpected overlap between porn and Hollywood, how the adult industry approached consent, boundaries and choreography long before mainstream film and television caught up, and why productions eventually realized they needed intimacy coordinators. We also get into...
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Where There's A Will, There's A Fcking Way w/ Aimee Latta
Birds And Bees Don't Fck
Aimee Latta is a certified embodied intimacy and relationship coach and the host of the podcast Come Talk With Aimee, originally from Utah where the best sex education she got was a fifth grade presentation from a very enthusiastic husband and wife team… followed by years of abstinence-only education and a very graphic childbirth video meant to scare everyone into never having sex. In this episode we talk about growing up in Utah, abstinence-only sex education, Mormon purity culture, and what happens when the only messaging around sex is prevention instead of pleasure. We also get into...
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The Cuban Missile Crisis of Burlesque w/ Tito Bonito
Birds And Bees Don't Fck
Tito Bonito is an international burlesque performer, host and instructor originally from Miami, Florida where he knew he was gay before he even knew how babies were made… and learned most of the rest through TLC, the Spice Girls, and sheer curiosity. Catch Tito and I talkin’ some real shit reading Reddit stories and join the afterparty over on Patreon! Join the live watch party on YouTube today, episode release day, at 4p PT / 7p ET: _________________________________________________ Where to find Tito: Instagram: | Links: Where to find Arielle: Insta: // TikTok: Bonus...
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Everyone Wants To Be A Cult Leader w/ Jimanekia Ebon
Birds And Bees Don't Fck
Join the watch party LIVE AT FIVE on YouTube: Jimanekia Eborn is a trauma specialist, sexuality educator, survivor advocate, co-owner of Cintima, and founder of the nonprofit Tending the Garden, originally from Riverside, California where she actually DID received sex education multiple times growing up… but was any of it good? Absolutely not. In this episode we talk about grief, trauma work, modern dating struggles, sex education failures, intimacy coordination, professional wrestling (yes, I mean that), mental health, and why community and safe spaces are essential for connection and...
info_outlineJoin the live watch party on YouTube today, episode release day, at 5p PT / 8p ET:
https://www.youtube.com/@birdsandbeesdontfck
Alex Gay is a certified intimacy and relationship coach and adult performer from Maryland, where his sex education came from homeschooling, evangelical purity culture, and two conversations with his dad that left him wondering if condoms were worth trading for Cheetos.
In this episode we talk about growing up in a religious high-control group, shame as a clue to desire, what kink actually means, why so many men are expected to magically know how to be good in bed, and how Alex went from purity culture to helping queer people, couples, and curious adults feel more confident exploring sex, intimacy, kink, and their own bodies.
Want to hear Alex and I unfiltered reading Reddit stories? Join the afterparty over on Patreon!
https://www.patreon.com/cw/birdsandbeesdontfck
Where to find Alex:
Instagram: @heyalexgay
TikTok: @heyalexgay
Website: https://heyalexgay.com/
Where to find Arielle:
Instagram: @birdsandbeesdontfck
TikTok: @birdsandbeesdontfck
Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/cw/birdsandbeesdontfck
Bonus stories found exclusively on Patreon
- STORY 1: Am I the Asshole for Breaking Up With My Girlfriend After She Wanted Our Relationship to Be Pussy Free?
- STORY 2: My Husband Needs to Touch My Breasts to Fall Asleep. I’m Exhausted and Need a Divorce. Am I the Asshole?
- STORY 3: Am I the Asshole for Breaking Up With My Girlfriend Because She Literally Told Me She Would Cheat on Me If I Took a New Job?
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Episode Cheat Sheet
00:00 Meet Alex Gay, certified intimacy coach and adult performer
02:23 Adult entertainment, OnlyFans, and why spicy content builds coaching trust 04:48 Coaching sexual confidence, kink, communication, and why sex education is lifelong
05:30 The pressure on cis straight men to magically know how to be good in bed 07:01 Why "normal" does not exist when it comes to sex, bodies, and kink
08:10 Shame as a clue to desire and how taboo shapes what turns us on
10:20 Growing up in Maryland inside an evangelical high-control group
11:44 Homeschool sex ed, Christian sex books, condoms, and the Cheeto trade
16:17 Sleepovers, curiosity, and why honest sex education changes everything
19:30 Boy moms vs. moms who have boys and the emotional weight placed on sons 22:00 Leaving religion, hitting rock bottom, and finding inherent self-worth
25:16 Men's mental health, masculinity, and why 60 men die by suicide every hour 29:28 Queer sex education, coaching, and what gay male coaches bring to the table 31:46 Play parties, group scenes, body confidence, ethical porn, and real naked bodies
38:25 Alex's first OnlyFans videos, strip interviews, and modeling non-sexual intimacy 44:00 Course creation, ADHD, and why the labor of pleasure cannot be on your partner
49:21 Coaching couples, high-mileage questions, and becoming your own sex detective
56:32 Dr. Tush aftercare products, butt play recovery, and kink aftercare
01:00:00 Bonus Reddit stories and where to find Alex Gay