Making Connections 046

This is Craig Coile, and thank you for joining me for this episode of Your Encore Life.  Today in episode 46 we are going to continue our discussion from last time on the importance of being in connection. This can be particularly important if you are retired or nearing retirement.  We typically have some connection by default if we have a regular job working with others.  But if you are retired or are a work at home entrepreneur, you need to be intentional about being connected with others.  Regardless of whether you are working or not, we need to be intentional about being in connection with others that is healthy for us.  Today we are going to talk about different types of friendships and how to make sure they are beneficial rather than harmful to our well being.

 

For the purposes of our discussion today, we are going to talk about 3 categories of friends.  Think about an outside circle with the category of casual friends, a smaller circle inside of that with the category of close friends, and a small inner circle with the category of core friends. The outer circle could consist of people you know casually from work, church, or neighbors. You may spend time with them occasionally mostly due to the nature of your environment. You may enjoy talking with them but only on a casual basis.  The next category are close friends. They are people you spend much more time with than casual friends. You intentionally make it a point to get together from time to time. They may be part of a group you are in such as common hobby interest or a small group bible study. You likely are comfortable talking to them about more personal things, much more so than casual friends. The next category is the small center of your circle that we are going to refer to as your core friends. This is a very small group that you trust with your most personal of discussions. These are the people you call and depend on when you need wise counsel, as accountability partners, and who you could call at 3AM and they would answer if it was necessary.

 

Let’s look at this from the standpoint of the Bible and those that Jesus invested in the most.  He had a group of 120 that He trained..casual.

He had 12 Disciples that He invested a great deal of time with…close.

He had Peter, James, and John that He trusted and took with Him to be alone with…core.

 

The bottom line is that we are wired to be in community - we are better together.

 

Pastor Rick Warren talks about what to look for and what to avoid in his podcast titled “Daily Hope”.  He gives an illustration about someone standing on a stage and reaching down to grab the hand of another person.  He asks if it is easier for the person on the stage to pull the other person up or for the other person to pull the one on the stage down?  We must take steps and be intentional in spending time with others that can pull us up when we are down and we can do the same for them and avoid people who can continuously pull us down.  He talked about what he refers to as missionary dating and how most often the one that feels they can change the person for the better ends up falling to their level if the relationship continues over time.  This can happen not only in dating, but in friendships.

 

Here are 6 characteristics that Rick Warren says are in people we should avoid becoming good friends with:

 

1. Argumentative: Some just love to argue and will do so about anything.  Often there is no convincing them otherwise even if their argument is unreasonable.  Proverbs 20:3 says 3 It is to one’s honor to avoid strife, but every fool is quick to quarrel.
2. Gossip: Someone who loves sharing information about others without solving the problem or having a solution. Proverbs 20:19 says A gossip betrays a confidence; so avoid anyone who talks too much.
3. Flatterer: someone who gives false praise. Proverbs 20:5 says The purposes of a person’s heart are deep waters, but one who has insight draws them out. Proverbs 29:5 says Those who flatter their neighbors are spreading nets for their feet. Psalms 109:5 says They repay me evil for good, and hatred for my friendship.
4. Uncontrolled temper. Proverbs 22:24-25 says Do not make friends with a hot-tempered person, do not associate with one easily angered, 25 or you may learn their ways and get yourself ensnared.  You should even avoid filling your head by listening to people with hot tempers such as talk radio and 24 hour news shows.
5. Someone who steals or shoplifts.  Proverbs 1:13-15 says we will get all sorts of valuable things and fill our houses with plunder; 14 cast lots with us; we will all share the loot”— 15 my son, do not go along with them, do not set foot on their paths;
6. Believers who ignore what God says about sexual sin.

 

How many of these characteristics do you see in your friends and acquaintances? Remember that it is easier them to pull you down than for you to pull them up.  I would suggest that you continue to love and pray for your friends that you need to pull away from but continue to show them that you care.  You need to guard your heart and be the example for others that you know you can be.

 

• Contact Craig
• Pastor Rick’s Daily Hope: Forming Healthy Relationships Parts 1-3
• Bible Verses about Community