225: A Joy to Be Around

Today’s episode

Some people are a joy to be around. I have a story for you today about one of them, and what I learned about being more like him. 

But first, I’m John Certalic, and you are listening to episode 225 of You Were Made for This, the podcast about finding joy in being the person God created each of us to be. Namely, someone who reflects the character, image, and likeness of God in all our relationships. It’s the THIS we were made for.

Someone once told me “always have a doctor you like who is younger than you. The older ones retire, and then you are stuck and have to look for a new one.”  The same is true for barbers. I’m now on my third barber in the last 30+ years. First there was Paul, who retired. Then came John, and he retired, too.  Leaving me with Nick at the present moment.

I was with Paul the longest - for several decades. Besides haircuts, I learned from him an easy way to stain my deck and other useful household tips. I also had the joy of taking my twin grandsons to him when they were toddlers, and then into middle school. 

Paul was kind to them in their early years and more tolerant of their fidgeting around than I was. He had a jar of candy they could dip their hand into as a reward for sitting through their haircut. Laffy Taffy was their favorite.

Inviting your  barber to Thanksgiving dinner

My reward was watching them interact with Paul and the things they said that made both of us laugh. Like the time, with all sincerity of heart, one of them invited him to their house for Thanksgiving dinner. I miss those days with the boys.

Then Paul retired and I had to find someone new. For some odd reason I started going to the barber shop my father went to back in the 1950s and 60s. The owner was Buzz and he lived across the street from our house. As a kid, I think my father only ever took me once or twice to Buzz’s barber shop. Every other time my dad cut my hair himself. I recently recovered from the PTSD of this childhood memory.

By the time I returned to the place where Buzz cut hair, he was long gone. But the small shop was just as I remembered it. It drew me into my past like a slow moving train going through a dark tunnel. The shop was now owned by John, a barber older than me. I really liked him because he was fast and gave neck shaves as part of the haircut. Paul never did that, and I didn’t have the heart to ask him why.

Haircut injuries

My dad didn’t give neck shaves either, which was wise on his part. Instead, he gave accidental neck burns with the hot electric razor he used. So I was delighted when John shaved y my neck as a matter of course.

Using shaving cream and a straight-edge razor to shave off neck hairs on the back of my neck is the greatest feeling in the world. If money were no object, I’d visit a barber shop every couple of weeks just for a neck shave.

During my first visit back to this place of my youth I sat in John’s barber chair and imagined my father sitting in this same chair decades ago, having a boisterous conversation with Buzz while he cut my dad’s hair.

On another visit to see John I told him about my connection with his shop. I asked him if he knew Buzz, the original owner, and to my delight he said he did. He told me about his wife and kids, and how he got divorced and moved toArizona. Rumor has it, Buzz killed himself, John told me. My heart sank.

Barber Shop ambience takes a nose dive

I continued going to John for haircuts in what was for me a historic place and connection with my father and my childhood. But things changed one day, when John began replacing his 3 traditional barber chairs with lowriding black seats and back, and small chrome handled chairs found in hair salons. Big mistake, I thought.

There’s something special about traditional barber chairs from the 50s. Thick arm rests about five inches wide, covered in worn brown leather with compartments for an ashtray and your pack of cigarettes. 

I keep coming back, anyway, despite this loss of ambience. But then one day I called to make an appointment and was told John recently retired. I continued coming for haircuts with John’s successor while I looked for a new barber. One who gives neck shaves while I sit in a REAL barber chair and not one of those low riding models that girls sit in.

It took awhile, but on sunny Monday  I noticed a small nondescript  

building near my home that I had ignored for years. I thought it was a vacant barber shop. But my wife said she actually saw someone coming out of it.  So I pulled into it’s parking lot, went to the door. and walked in ro see the sole barber chair that looked like the ones John was got rid of. It felt like home. 

I asked the barber, whose name was Nick, if did neck shaves. He did, so I made an appointment for latter that week. When I returned for the haircut

I noticed a sign he posted for his three teenage sons offering their lawn mowing and landscape services for the summer.

Going in to work early  

As I sat in his comfortable relic of a barber chair I asked Nick about the sign. He told me he has seven children, one in college, two in high school and four younger kids. I also said I noticed on his web site that he starts at 7:15am.

“Yeah, but my first customer today came in today at 5:15am. I want to leave here so I get home by 6pm to be with my family. So if my schedule gets too full, I’ll schedule customers earlier in the morning while my kids are sleeping. Then I can get home by six.”

I’m going to like this guy, I thought. He’s one of those people who’s a joy to be around. A father and entrepreneur who works hard to provide for his family. Who works while they sleep.

Getting a haircut by Nick, with the accompanying neck shave brightened my day. And it was mostly because of the brief conversation I had with him. About  about him. 

Anyone who works as hard as he does, and who sacrifices for his family like Nick does can’t help but be a person who’s a joy to be around.

There aren’t a lot of dads who choose to get to work by 5:15 am so they can spend more time with their kids later in the day when they are awake. Kudos to Nick and men like him who work 13-hour days, or have second jobs, to support their families. 

One little question releases joy

My second haircut was just as uplifting for me. When I arrived a few minutes before my appointment, Nick was finishing up with another customer who went on and on talking about his Green Bay Packers season tickets. But Nick was kind and let the guy ramble on until he was finished.

Then it was my turn to get in the chair.

After exchanging pleasantries I asked Nick one question that carried us through to the end of my haircut. My haircuts don’t take as long as they used to because the part in my hair has widened considerably over the years. Considerably.

Anyway,  here’s what I asked: “When I was here last time I saw the notice you posted for your sons who were looking for lawn mowing and other  yard work for the summer. How is that going for them?”

Nick responded by telling me his three sons earned about $3,500 each during the course of the summer, and were winding down as school for each of them was coming up soon. He then went on and on talking in great detail

about each of his boys and their academic accomplishments. He was obviously proud of his boys, and you could feel the joy they brought to him.

At one point he set aside the razor he was using on my hair and walked around in front of me and stood next to a nearby cabinet to talk to me face-to-face. He wanted to be sure I understood how much joy his children brought to his life.

What makes a person a joy to be around?

In ny view, it starts with shared values. With Nick, I share the same value about the importance of family. Providing for the financial needs of his family is certainly part of it, but also it is being present in the lives of one’s children. Being home when they’re awake. Sacrificing sleep so he had more time with the kids. I share that value with him.

Another value I share with Nick is taking advantage of a job that allows you to make more money by working harder, smarter, and longer. Not all jobs are like this, and obviously, this isn’t a fit for everyone. My career as an executive recruiter was like this. My career as a high school teacher was not. But I enjoyed and valued both of them, even though they were worlds apart.

Even more than shared values, someone who is a joy to be around is someone who exudes joy. They find joy in life and it’s contagious. It radiates from them, and many times in subtle ways.

When people listen to us

When Nick talks about his boys it does not come across as pride. There’s nothing wrong with being proud of your kids, but there is something deeper and more subtle. With Nick, it’s the joy his children bring into his life. And he wants to share it with you, if you’re willing to listen. Most people aren’t. 

But when we share the joy coming from within us. it helps us remember how good we have it, and how thankful we can be. There are a couple of verses in the Gospels where Jesus is described as a son who brings God great joy. Several times it’s mentioned. When I have more time, I’ll look them up and share them with you.

I need more joyful people in my life. People like Nick. How about you?  Who are the people in your life who are a joy to be around?

A Better question: how can I be a joy to be around?

I’m convinced it starts with being a good listener.  This is something I deeply value, and is something that brings me joy when I listen well. It feels like I unlock something for someone who doesn’t realize they have something important they want to get out, but the door is locked. Once unlocked, they feel uplifted. It’s a great privilege to listen well. I talk about it all the time in this  podcast.

Beyond listening well to others, and actually even more important than listening, is being the person God created each of us to be. Someone who is comfortable in their own skin, because we can let other people be the people God created them to be. And we can enjoy reflecting the image and character of God in the unique way he gifted each of us.  

People who live like this are a joy to be around.

Closing

As we wrap things up for this episode, I hope your thinking was stimulated by today’s show, to consider how you can be more of a person who’s a joy to be around.

For when you do, it will help you experience the blessing of being the person God created you to be

because You Were Made for This.

Well, that’s it for today. I’d love to hear your thoughts or reactions to today’s episode. Just go to the show notes for today’s program at JohnCertalic.com, then scroll down to the end to the “Leave a comment” box.

Finally, remember to spread a little relational sunshine around the people you meet this week. Spark some joy for them.  And I’ll see you again next time. Goodbye for now.

Other episodes or resources related to today’s shows

139: Why Should I Listen to This Podcast?

021: The Most Important Relationship of All

Prior recent episode

224: God Cares For Us In Ways We Rarely Consider

All past and future episodes can be found at JohnCertalic.com