Sex for Saints

As a Certified Sex & Marriage Coach, and a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, Amanda Louder helps conservative Christian couples overcome their obstacles to create a more emotionally, mentally, spiritually, and physically intimate relationship.

Episode 348 - Sexual Surrendering 12/20/2024

Episode 348 - Sexual Surrendering In this episode, I am going to explore the topic of Sexual Surrender. What does it mean to fully open up, not just physically, but emotionally and mentally with your spouse? Let’s talk about what sexual surrender is, what it isn’t, why it matters, and how you can gently encourage it within your marriage. It may sound intimidating at first, but it can be a doorway to a richer, more meaningful intimate relationship with your spouse. /episode/index/show/amandalouder/id/34521595

Episode 347 - Sexual Introverts vs Sexual Extroverts 12/13/2024

Episode 347 - Sexual Introverts vs Sexual Extroverts As with most things, introverts and extroverts approach sex differently. Where introverts often prefer to have time to prepare, extroverts love spontaneity. So when an extrovert marries an introvert, there can often be hurt feelings and frustration with their sexual relationship. Let’s talk about the differences with introverts and extroverts when it comes to sex, and how to navigate that relationship. Marriage isn’t about changing each other, but coming to understand each person’s needs. This is a great place to start. /episode/index/show/amandalouder/id/34309745

Episode 346 - How To Get More Connection 12/06/2024

Episode 346 - How To Get More Connection We, as humans, are wired for connection, but connection, especially in marriage, is more than just a feeling. It’s the thing that keeps us going through the inevitable ups and downs of marriage. Connection is what keeps us from “living separate lives.” We often crave more connection, but we don’t know how to get it. That’s why in this episode, we’re going to talk about why we need connection in our relationships and how to build that connection in different ways. You’ll come away with actionable steps to get that connection you desire. /episode/index/show/amandalouder/id/34303885

Episode 345 - Building a Collaborative Sexual Relationship 11/29/2024

Episode 345 - Building a Collaborative Sexual Relationship Creating a collaborative sexual relationship is so important to your marriage. Collaboration is different from compromise where it’s not just about teamwork, or giving in, but about a mutual commitment to creating a relationship that meets both partner’s needs. The rewards of a collaborative sexual relationship are profound! When both partners participate in building a space that respects and uplifts one another, it strengthens the bond, increases the satisfaction, and deepens emotional intimacy. In this episode, we’re going to talk about what a collaborative sexual relationship is, why it’s valuable, how it differs from compromise, and as always, I’ll share practical tips to foster collaboration in your marriage. /episode/index/show/amandalouder/id/34180310

Episode 344 - Sexual Caretaking 11/22/2024

Episode 344 - Sexual Caretaking Do you find yourself worrying more about your partner during your sexual experience than you do yourself? When we feel overly responsible for other’s emotional or physical experience during sex, we can be affecting our relationship in a negative way. This dynamic is called sexual caretaking. We are taught, directly or indirectly, that we are responsible for their experience. This is not true. In this episode, we’re talking about what sexual caretaking is, where it comes from, the impact it has on our relationships, and how we can shift this dynamic to create something healthier and more fulfilling for both partners. /episode/index/show/amandalouder/id/34078301

Episode 343 - Sexual Shame 11/15/2024

Episode 343 - Sexual Shame In this episode, we are going to address a topic that so many struggle with but often don’t talk about: sexual shame. Many carry the burden of sexual shame and it can impact our view of ourselves and our connection with our spouse. If you’ve ever found yourself feeling like something is wrong with you for having sexual thoughts, or if you’ve hidden aspects of your sexuality out of fear or guilt, this episode is for you. /episode/index/show/amandalouder/id/33928517

Episode 342 - Rekindling Love and Attraction 11/08/2024

Episode 342 - Rekindling Love and Attraction Do you know the #1 thing that people google to get to my website? “I’m not attracted to my spouse.” Relationships are a complex thing and it’s natural to have an ebb and flow. Even though we don’t talk about it much, losing attraction or falling out of love with your spouse is a common experience. But it can feel very scary if you’re starting to feel that way. Don’t panic. It doesn't mean that this is the end of your marriage. Listen into this episode where we’ll talk about why this might happen and also what to do if it does. I’ll give you practical tips to work on to get back what you once had. Are you ready? Let’s go! /episode/index/show/amandalouder/id/33817342

Episode 341 - Building More Gratitude Into Your Sexual Relationship 11/01/2024

Episode 341 - Building More Gratitude Into Your Sexual Relationship Thanksgiving is a natural time to talk about what we’re grateful for, but we often forget to include our sexual relationship on that list. Gratitude is such a powerful force within relationships, and its influence can transform our sexual relationship into the one we’ve always dreamed of! When we actively choose to be grateful for our partner, it opens up space for deeper connection, empathy, and emotional closeness—all of which play an important role in our sexual satisfaction. In this episode, we’re going to talk about how we can bring more gratitude into our sexual relationships. I’ve done the research so let’s talk about the practical ways we can do this. And remember, gratitude is something we can do all year long, not just at Thanksgiving. /episode/index/show/amandalouder/id/33704072

Episode 340 - Four Reasons She's Not In The Mood 10/25/2024

Episode 340 - Four Reasons She's Not In The Mood Desire is a topic that comes up a lot in my coaching business. Couples often wonder why she's just not in the mood so in this episode, we're going to talk about 4 possible reasons why. While this isn't a complete list, these are the reasons I hear most often. So listen in to not only find out why she's just not in the mood but also what you can do about it. /episode/index/show/amandalouder/id/33599432

Episode 339 - Sexual Leftovers 10/18/2024

Episode 339 - Sexual Leftovers Have you ever felt like your sex life is stuck in a predictable, comfortable routine? It’s not unusual to feel this way but how do you get out of it? Let me answer that question and more in this episode. We will talk about a concept called “Sexual Leftovers,” those things that feel safe and not too scary in the bedroom, instead of the intimate connection that you want sex to be. And we will talk about how to address those underlying anxieties that keep you and your partner from enjoying your sex life to the fullest. There is no need to be stagnant. You can reignite that spark! /episode/index/show/amandalouder/id/33501262

Episode 338 - The Importance of Aftercare 10/11/2024

Episode 338 - The Importance of Aftercare What is aftercare? Well, to put it simply, it’s what happens after you have sex. Do you jump right up and go on with your day or do you take some time to cuddle? Aftercare plays such a significant role in building and sustaining intimacy in a relationship. That’s why I want to talk about it in this episode. Why is aftercare so important and how to introduce it if it’s not already a part of your sexual routine. Let’s really break this down and talk about how aftercare impacts relationships at a deep level. /episode/index/show/amandalouder/id/33380252

Episode 337 - Signs That Someone is Bad in Bed 10/04/2024

Episode 337 - Signs That Someone is Bad in Bed Are you bad in bed? Is your spouse? Being “bad in bed” isn’t a thing that should cause shame or anger but it is something that needs to be looked at more. And it usually starts outside the bedroom. In this episode, we’re going to talk about what it means to be “bad in bed” and what to do about it if you recognize yourself or your spouse in the list. With my normal honest and forthright style, I’ll give you exactly what to say and do to no longer be “bad in bed.” /episode/index/show/amandalouder/id/33318742

Episode 336 - When Erections Fade - Understanding, Supporting, and Thriving Together 09/27/2024

Episode 336 - When Erections Fade - Understanding, Supporting, and Thriving Together Even though this topic can feel a little awkward, frustrating, and even scary, I think it’s important to talk about because all couples will probably have this happen from time to time in their sex lives. So, the question is, what happens when men lose their erections during sex? In this episode, we’re breaking down why this happens, what to do when it does, and how to support each other through it. Let’s look at this from the men’s and women’s perspective so that you can have a better understanding of what is going on and how to react when it does happen. /episode/index/show/amandalouder/id/33220282

Episode 335 - The Benefits of Sleeping Nude 09/20/2024

Episode 335 - The Benefits of Sleeping Nude Is it time to ditch your pajamas? This topic may make you blush, but let’s talk about why we might want to think about sleeping nude or partially nude. From the benefits, challenges, and health advantages, to how to introduce it to your partner, we’ll talk about the surprising impact it could have on your relationship. So, sit back, get comfortable, and let’s talk. /episode/index/show/amandalouder/id/33127277

Episode 334 - What to do with Unanswered Arousal 09/13/2024

Episode 334 - What to do with Unanswered Arousal Let’s be honest, most of us were not taught what to do when our arousal was unanswered. So, let’s talk about it. What happens when we’re turned on, but our spouse declines? How do we channel that energy into something productive and healthy? And, how do we teach our children to understand unanswered arousal? We’ll talk about all of this and more in this episode. Are you ready for real change? Let’s go! /episode/index/show/amandalouder/id/33023952

Episode 333 - Breaking Free of Sexual Archetypes 09/06/2024

Episode 333 - Breaking Free of Sexual Archetypes What is an archetype? In very simple terms, it’s a “should”. As the man, I “should” be the primary breadwinner. As the woman, I “should” cater to my husband’s sexual needs. But, are these “should’s”, these archetypes, really who you are deep down inside? In this episode, we’re going to talk about relationship and sexual archetypes. We’ll identify them, discuss how they’re shaped, and the benefits and problems they bring. Finally, we’ll talk about why it’s crucial to break free from them. Society has long-standing traditions and norms that dictate what roles men and women “should” play. You see it everywhere. With my step-by-step guide, you can break free from these archetypes and find what you actually want to do, not what you “should” do. /episode/index/show/amandalouder/id/32812187

Episode 332 - What Is Your Touch Communicating 08/30/2024

Episode 332 - What Is Your Touch Communicating I often see people wanting to uplevel their sex lives, but ignoring non-sexual touch completely. But, non-sexual physical intimacy is just as important, if not more important than sexual intimacy. In this episode, we’re going to talk about touch and how important it is to our relationships. Let’s talk about why touch is so important, the difference between intimate and sexual touch, how to navigate touch when partners have different needs or feel overwhelmed, and ways to build a culture of touch and pleasure in your relationship. Don’t be so focused on how to have great sex that you forget about the daily intimacies of touch; the hugs, the kisses, the embraces, the handholding, the importance of touch as a love language and also as a form of foreplay and making love itself. So, what is your touch communicating? Let’s find out. /episode/index/show/amandalouder/id/32811952

Episode 331 - Are Your Teens Interrupting Your Sex Life? 08/23/2024

Episode 331 - Are Your Teens Interrupting Your Sex Life? I recently got a DM from a listener asking me how to navigate her sexual relationship with teens in the house. We often think that little kids make it harder to have sex, but sometimes teenagers are even harder. They have crazier schedules, they stay up later, and they have more knowledge about what’s going on in the bedroom. So, in this episode, I want to talk to those mid-life couples who have teenagers and young adults at home, but who want to find ways to have a great sex life too. Listen in as I explain to you how to navigate this season. /episode/index/show/amandalouder/id/32693037

Episode 330 - Consumption vs Connection 08/16/2024

Episode 330 - Consumption vs Connection I recently had the opportunity to be a guest on the . I talked with Tyler and Brannon about the difference between consumption and connection. I really enjoyed our conversation and the insights that were shared and wanted to share those things with you. So, here is my conversation with Tyler and Brannon of the Therapy Brothers Podcast. /episode/index/show/amandalouder/id/32589462

Episode 329 - A Different Way to Approach Sex 08/09/2024

Episode 329 - A Different Way to Approach Sex What if I told you that the way you have been thinking about sex is wrong? What if that’s the reason you don’t have the sex life that you thought you’d have? I know that your intentions are good. I know that you know that sex is good for your marriage, but maybe it’s the way that you look at sex that is affecting your relationship. In this episode, I want to talk about a different way to approach sex in your marriage; a more mindful approach that fosters authenticity, self-expression, and love, intimacy, and connection. Let’s go! /episode/index/show/amandalouder/id/32462522

Episode 328 - Fantasy vs Desire 08/02/2024

Episode 328 - Fantasy vs Desire I’ve noticed a lot of people expressing problems with their spouse’s fantasies. They don’t understand certain fantasies, and they are afraid that their spouse wants to turn them into reality. But, there’s a difference between fantasy and desire. A fantasy is more about thoughts where a desire is bringing that thought into reality. Let’s talk more about the difference and what that means to your relationship in this episode. /episode/index/show/amandalouder/id/32385302

Episode 327 - Traits of Healthy Couples 07/26/2024

Episode 327 - Traits of Healthy Couples Do you know what a healthy relationship looks like? Many of us don’t because our parents didn’t know what a healthy couple looked like either. But we can change that now. In this episode, we’ll talk about why we want to have a healthy relationship beyond being a good example to our children. Then we will talk about what a healthy couple looks like. I’ll bet you’re already doing some of these things, so it’s time to add a bit more. /episode/index/show/amandalouder/id/32291077

Episode 326 - Mining for Conflict to Increase Intimacy 07/19/2024

Episode 326 - Mining for Conflict to Increase Intimacy In this episode, I want to talk about something that may make you feel a little uncomfortable - mining for conflict. It is absolutely crucial for the health and intimacy of our relationships, but what is mining for conflict? It means actively seeking out and addressing underlying issues in a relationship. Finding these conflicts before they escalate into bigger issues and addressing the problems. Why rock the boat? Well, even if you’re ignoring them, the issues are still there. I’m going to give you real steps to take to not only find the conflicts, but to fix them as well. /episode/index/show/amandalouder/id/32206502

Episode 325 - Why Sex Seems So Hard 07/12/2024

Episode 325 - Why Sex Seems So Hard In this episode, I want to talk about a question I get asked all of the time. It’s said in different ways, but it all comes down to this - Why does sex often seem so hard, even when we genuinely want to have it? Have you ever wondered that? Sex is a beautiful, integral part of a healthy marriage, but it’s not uncommon to face challenges in this area, as we all know. So, let’s break down some of the reasons why we might struggle and explore ways to make things better. Are you ready? Let’s go! /episode/index/show/amandalouder/id/32056092

Episode 324 - Are Devices Hurting Your Sex Life? 07/05/2024

Episode 324 - Are Devices Hurting Your Sex Life? In this episode, I want to talk about something that is more and more relevant in our digital age - how devices are hurting marriages and sexual relationships. Because this is now the third leading cause of divorce in the United states, it seems like it’s something that needs to be discussed. So, let’s discuss why devices can be so bad for our relationships, and what we can do about it. /episode/index/show/amandalouder/id/31998117

Episode 323 - How Much Sex is Normal in Marriage? 06/28/2024

Episode 323 - How Much Sex is Normal in Marriage? This is something I get asked all the time! I understand why people want to know, but the answer isn’t so black and white. In this episode we’re going to talk about what is normal when it comes to sex in marriage, and how to get to normal if you feel like your sex life is outside the so-called norm. Are you wondering how much sex is normal in marriage? Let’s answer all your questions. /episode/index/show/amandalouder/id/31905187

Episode 322 - Feeling Like You Are Never Enough Sexually 06/21/2024

Episode 322 - Feeling Like You Are Never Enough Sexually Have you ever felt like you weren’t enough in your life? Most people do, but when that feeling creeps into the bedroom, it can be incredibly frustrating and disheartening. Maybe you feel like you will never satisfy your spouse or maybe you’re met with “I’ll never be enough for you” when sharing your wants and desires. Either way, I know how difficult it can be! So, in this episode, we’re going to unpack the phrase “I’ll never be enough for you” and explore what’s really going on beneath the surface. /episode/index/show/amandalouder/id/31830087

Episode 321 - Sexual Martyrdom 06/14/2024

Episode 321 - Sexual Martyrdom In this episode, we are going to talk about a topic that’s all too common but not often discussed—sexual martyrdom in marriage. I’ll answer questions like: What does it mean to be a sexual martyr? Why is it detrimental to your relationship and yourself? And how to recognize and shift out of this mindset. Let’s find a way to break this cycle! /episode/index/show/amandalouder/id/31731707

Episode 320 - Using Sex As A Bandaid 06/07/2024

Episode 320 - Using Sex As A Bandaid A while ago, I was at an event with a lot of other women. A woman sat down next to me and asked, “What if the sex is really good, but the rest of the marriage isn’t great?” After talking with her about this question for most of the night, I knew this was something I wanted to discuss on the podcast. Why do we use sex as a bandaid? And, more importantly, what can we do to stop it? It may be a temporary fix for the underlying issues, but in the end, it will create distance and resentment in your marriage, which none of us want. We all have used sex as a bandaid before, but let’s look at how we can change that habit. /episode/index/show/amandalouder/id/31633592

Episode 319 - Managing Your Spouse and their Sexuality 05/31/2024

Episode 319 - Managing Your Spouse and their Sexuality In this episode, we’re tackling a delicate and crucial topic: managing your spouse’s sexuality. What does this mean? Why do people do it? How does it affect both higher desire and lower desire partners? Why isn’t it the best approach? We’ll answer all of these questions and more. This one may surprise you. Take a listen. /episode/index/show/amandalouder/id/31540187

Sex for Saints

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