Sex for Saints

As a Certified Sex & Marriage Coach, and a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, Amanda Louder helps conservative Christian couples overcome their obstacles to create a more emotionally, mentally, spiritually, and physically intimate relationship.

Episode 359 - Why “Do You Love Me” Is the Wrong Question 03/07/2025

Episode 359 - Why “Do You Love Me” Is the Wrong Question We’ve all said it at one time or another - “Do you love me?” While it seems like an innocent question, what I’ve found from working with countless couples is that this “innocent” question often leads down a path of blame, frustration, and unmet expectations. To put it simply, it’s a trap. It keeps us focused on the wrong things. So, what do we do about it? That’s what we’re going to talk about in this episode. It’s full of usable suggestions to ask the right questions and focus on the right things. /episode/index/show/amandalouder/id/35560365

Episode 358 - Overcoming Good Boy Syndrome 02/28/2025

Episode 358 - Overcoming Good Boy Syndrome Have you ever wondered if men experience the same pressures to be 'good' that women do? Last week, we uncovered the hidden struggles of Good Girl Syndrome—but what about the other side of the coin? Today, we're diving into Good Boy Syndrome—a silent battle many men face, shaping how they see themselves, their relationships, and their sexuality. If you've ever felt the weight of perfectionism, the sting of shame, or the fear of being truly vulnerable—this episode is for you. We're breaking down what Good Boy Syndrome really is, how it takes root, and most importantly, how to break free from it. Trust me, you won’t want to miss this conversation. /episode/index/show/amandalouder/id/35461805

Episode 357 - Overcoming Good Girl Syndrome 02/21/2025

Episode 357 - Overcoming Good Girl Syndrome What is Good Girl Syndrome? Let me answer like this - have you ever found yourself hesitating to explore your desires? Have you ever felt guilty when expressing your needs in the bedroom? Do you believe that ‘good girls’ don’t act certain ways? Do you feel like your worth is tied to your being modest, virtuous, or pleasing to others? That’s what we’re going to talk about in today’s episode - what Good Girl Syndrome is, where it comes from, how to recognize it, and most importantly, how to overcome it. Let’s dive in. /episode/index/show/amandalouder/id/35366935

Episode 356 - Sexual Freedom 02/14/2025

Episode 356 - Sexual Freedom Have you ever thought about what drives your sexual desire? One key factor is the freedom we feel in our lives. Freedom plays a vital role in fostering vibrant sexuality and intimacy, and without it, we may experience disconnection, frustration, or stagnation. In this episode, we’ll explore the powerful link between freedom and sex, why it’s so crucial, and how you can create more freedom in both your personal life and sexual relationships. /episode/index/show/amandalouder/id/35271105

Episode 355 - Sexual Shame in Men 02/07/2025

Episode 355 - Sexual Shame in Men A few weeks ago, we talked about prolonged arousal and I touched on sexual shame in men. I promised then that I’d do an entire episode about it because it isn’t talked about much and needs to be talked about more. This is that episode. Sexual shame is one of the most powerful emotions we can experience, and when it’s tied to something as personal and intimate as sexuality, the impact can be profound. In this episode, we’re going to delve into this much needed topic and talk about what it is, how it manifests differently from women, the factors that contribute to it, and the steps men can take to heal. By talking about sexual shame in men, I hope to bring more light to it so those who are suffering can finally start to heal! /episode/index/show/amandalouder/id/35175940

Episode 354 - Preparing for Valentine’s Day 01/31/2025

Episode 354 - Preparing for Valentine’s Day Valentine’s Day is coming up! Does that thought fill you with excitement or dread? Often when we think about Valentine’s Day, we dream up this scene straight from the movies and we are often disappointed by what actually happens. So this year, maybe we can prepare ourselves for Valentine’s Day. I don’t mean grand gestures or perfect plans, but shifting our attention to preparing ourselves - mind, body, and heart - for love and connection. Let’s talk about how to do just that. Whether your relationship is thriving, struggling, or somewhere in between, this episode is for you! /episode/index/show/amandalouder/id/35084665

Episode 353 - Unconditional Love in Marriage 01/24/2025

Episode 353 - Unconditional Love in Marriage When we think about unconditional love, it always sounds romantic and exciting, right? We’ve all seen the romcoms where they have the kind of love that never falters, regardless of what happens. It’s the idea that someone is loved completely, no matter their choices, behaviors, or circumstances. But in marriage, the idea of unconditional love should be more nuanced. It may seem wonderful on the big screen, but in reality, unconditional love in marriage is a partnership between two adults with needs, boundaries, and expectations. It isn’t about tolerating harmful behavior or being a doormat. It’s about striving to accept your partner as they are, flaws and all, while also keeping a hold of your sense of self and safety. In this episode, we’re going to talk about what unconditional love should look like in marriage and how to achieve it. /episode/index/show/amandalouder/id/34975955

Episode 352 - Prolonging Arousal for Men 01/17/2025

Episode 352 - Prolonging Arousal for Men Want to make your intimate moments last longer? In this episode, we’re diving into the secrets of prolonging arousal for men, exploring everything from practical techniques and medication options to mindset shifts that can enhance your experience. We’ll also tackle the deeper issues that can impact your ability to fully enjoy intimacy. If you’ve ever wished for a little more time in the heat of passion, this episode is a must-listen! /episode/index/show/amandalouder/id/34887665

Episode 351 - Why Is She Not Attracted To Me? 01/10/2025

Episode 351 - Why Is She Not Attracted To Me? Have you ever found yourself wondering why your wife doesn’t seem to be attracted to you? After all, you do everything you’re “supposed” to do, you’ve been told it works, but she still doesn’t seem interested. She still doesn’t seem drawn to you. The spark still isn’t there. She may even seem frustrated by your attempts to connect. Why? In this episode, I’m going to answer that question and help you find that connection with your spouse that you’ve been searching for. /episode/index/show/amandalouder/id/34710515

Episode 350 - The Difference Between Sexuality and Eroticism 01/03/2025

Episode 350 - The Difference Between Sexuality and Eroticism When was the last time you felt alive in your marriage? Has it been a while? The longer we’re married, the more sex can become something else on our to-do list. Something that needs to happen, but doesn’t bring much joy. But sex can be so much more than just the physical urge to have sex. How? When we replace sexuality with eroticism, sex becomes a way to connect with your spouse, to enjoy each other more, to feel more alive. Curious? Listen as we discuss the difference between sexuality and eroticism and what it can do for you. /episode/index/show/amandalouder/id/34705805

Episode 349 - Objectifying Your Spouse 12/27/2024

Episode 349 - Objectifying Your Spouse Men and women have been conditioned to think that the word “objectifying” is bad. True, it can feel unsettling but sexual relationships thrive when there is a sense of desire - a longing for one another that includes, but isn’t limited to, physical attraction. So, how do we navigate the tension between desire and respect? How do we balance celebrating our spouse’s physical presence without reducing them to just a body? That’s what we’re going to talk about today. /episode/index/show/amandalouder/id/34623820

Episode 348 - Sexual Surrendering 12/20/2024

Episode 348 - Sexual Surrendering In this episode, I am going to explore the topic of Sexual Surrender. What does it mean to fully open up, not just physically, but emotionally and mentally with your spouse? Let’s talk about what sexual surrender is, what it isn’t, why it matters, and how you can gently encourage it within your marriage. It may sound intimidating at first, but it can be a doorway to a richer, more meaningful intimate relationship with your spouse. /episode/index/show/amandalouder/id/34521595

Episode 347 - Sexual Introverts vs Sexual Extroverts 12/13/2024

Episode 347 - Sexual Introverts vs Sexual Extroverts As with most things, introverts and extroverts approach sex differently. Where introverts often prefer to have time to prepare, extroverts love spontaneity. So when an extrovert marries an introvert, there can often be hurt feelings and frustration with their sexual relationship. Let’s talk about the differences with introverts and extroverts when it comes to sex, and how to navigate that relationship. Marriage isn’t about changing each other, but coming to understand each person’s needs. This is a great place to start. /episode/index/show/amandalouder/id/34309745

Episode 346 - How To Get More Connection 12/06/2024

Episode 346 - How To Get More Connection We, as humans, are wired for connection, but connection, especially in marriage, is more than just a feeling. It’s the thing that keeps us going through the inevitable ups and downs of marriage. Connection is what keeps us from “living separate lives.” We often crave more connection, but we don’t know how to get it. That’s why in this episode, we’re going to talk about why we need connection in our relationships and how to build that connection in different ways. You’ll come away with actionable steps to get that connection you desire. /episode/index/show/amandalouder/id/34303885

Episode 345 - Building a Collaborative Sexual Relationship 11/29/2024

Episode 345 - Building a Collaborative Sexual Relationship Creating a collaborative sexual relationship is so important to your marriage. Collaboration is different from compromise where it’s not just about teamwork, or giving in, but about a mutual commitment to creating a relationship that meets both partner’s needs. The rewards of a collaborative sexual relationship are profound! When both partners participate in building a space that respects and uplifts one another, it strengthens the bond, increases the satisfaction, and deepens emotional intimacy. In this episode, we’re going to talk about what a collaborative sexual relationship is, why it’s valuable, how it differs from compromise, and as always, I’ll share practical tips to foster collaboration in your marriage. /episode/index/show/amandalouder/id/34180310

Episode 344 - Sexual Caretaking 11/22/2024

Episode 344 - Sexual Caretaking Do you find yourself worrying more about your partner during your sexual experience than you do yourself? When we feel overly responsible for other’s emotional or physical experience during sex, we can be affecting our relationship in a negative way. This dynamic is called sexual caretaking. We are taught, directly or indirectly, that we are responsible for their experience. This is not true. In this episode, we’re talking about what sexual caretaking is, where it comes from, the impact it has on our relationships, and how we can shift this dynamic to create something healthier and more fulfilling for both partners. /episode/index/show/amandalouder/id/34078301

Episode 343 - Sexual Shame 11/15/2024

Episode 343 - Sexual Shame In this episode, we are going to address a topic that so many struggle with but often don’t talk about: sexual shame. Many carry the burden of sexual shame and it can impact our view of ourselves and our connection with our spouse. If you’ve ever found yourself feeling like something is wrong with you for having sexual thoughts, or if you’ve hidden aspects of your sexuality out of fear or guilt, this episode is for you. /episode/index/show/amandalouder/id/33928517

Episode 342 - Rekindling Love and Attraction 11/08/2024

Episode 342 - Rekindling Love and Attraction Do you know the #1 thing that people google to get to my website? “I’m not attracted to my spouse.” Relationships are a complex thing and it’s natural to have an ebb and flow. Even though we don’t talk about it much, losing attraction or falling out of love with your spouse is a common experience. But it can feel very scary if you’re starting to feel that way. Don’t panic. It doesn't mean that this is the end of your marriage. Listen into this episode where we’ll talk about why this might happen and also what to do if it does. I’ll give you practical tips to work on to get back what you once had. Are you ready? Let’s go! /episode/index/show/amandalouder/id/33817342

Episode 341 - Building More Gratitude Into Your Sexual Relationship 11/01/2024

Episode 341 - Building More Gratitude Into Your Sexual Relationship Thanksgiving is a natural time to talk about what we’re grateful for, but we often forget to include our sexual relationship on that list. Gratitude is such a powerful force within relationships, and its influence can transform our sexual relationship into the one we’ve always dreamed of! When we actively choose to be grateful for our partner, it opens up space for deeper connection, empathy, and emotional closeness—all of which play an important role in our sexual satisfaction. In this episode, we’re going to talk about how we can bring more gratitude into our sexual relationships. I’ve done the research so let’s talk about the practical ways we can do this. And remember, gratitude is something we can do all year long, not just at Thanksgiving. /episode/index/show/amandalouder/id/33704072

Episode 340 - Four Reasons She's Not In The Mood 10/25/2024

Episode 340 - Four Reasons She's Not In The Mood Desire is a topic that comes up a lot in my coaching business. Couples often wonder why she's just not in the mood so in this episode, we're going to talk about 4 possible reasons why. While this isn't a complete list, these are the reasons I hear most often. So listen in to not only find out why she's just not in the mood but also what you can do about it. /episode/index/show/amandalouder/id/33599432

Episode 339 - Sexual Leftovers 10/18/2024

Episode 339 - Sexual Leftovers Have you ever felt like your sex life is stuck in a predictable, comfortable routine? It’s not unusual to feel this way but how do you get out of it? Let me answer that question and more in this episode. We will talk about a concept called “Sexual Leftovers,” those things that feel safe and not too scary in the bedroom, instead of the intimate connection that you want sex to be. And we will talk about how to address those underlying anxieties that keep you and your partner from enjoying your sex life to the fullest. There is no need to be stagnant. You can reignite that spark! /episode/index/show/amandalouder/id/33501262

Episode 338 - The Importance of Aftercare 10/11/2024

Episode 338 - The Importance of Aftercare What is aftercare? Well, to put it simply, it’s what happens after you have sex. Do you jump right up and go on with your day or do you take some time to cuddle? Aftercare plays such a significant role in building and sustaining intimacy in a relationship. That’s why I want to talk about it in this episode. Why is aftercare so important and how to introduce it if it’s not already a part of your sexual routine. Let’s really break this down and talk about how aftercare impacts relationships at a deep level. /episode/index/show/amandalouder/id/33380252

Episode 337 - Signs That Someone is Bad in Bed 10/04/2024

Episode 337 - Signs That Someone is Bad in Bed Are you bad in bed? Is your spouse? Being “bad in bed” isn’t a thing that should cause shame or anger but it is something that needs to be looked at more. And it usually starts outside the bedroom. In this episode, we’re going to talk about what it means to be “bad in bed” and what to do about it if you recognize yourself or your spouse in the list. With my normal honest and forthright style, I’ll give you exactly what to say and do to no longer be “bad in bed.” /episode/index/show/amandalouder/id/33318742

Episode 336 - When Erections Fade - Understanding, Supporting, and Thriving Together 09/27/2024

Episode 336 - When Erections Fade - Understanding, Supporting, and Thriving Together Even though this topic can feel a little awkward, frustrating, and even scary, I think it’s important to talk about because all couples will probably have this happen from time to time in their sex lives. So, the question is, what happens when men lose their erections during sex? In this episode, we’re breaking down why this happens, what to do when it does, and how to support each other through it. Let’s look at this from the men’s and women’s perspective so that you can have a better understanding of what is going on and how to react when it does happen. /episode/index/show/amandalouder/id/33220282

Episode 335 - The Benefits of Sleeping Nude 09/20/2024

Episode 335 - The Benefits of Sleeping Nude Is it time to ditch your pajamas? This topic may make you blush, but let’s talk about why we might want to think about sleeping nude or partially nude. From the benefits, challenges, and health advantages, to how to introduce it to your partner, we’ll talk about the surprising impact it could have on your relationship. So, sit back, get comfortable, and let’s talk. /episode/index/show/amandalouder/id/33127277

Episode 334 - What to do with Unanswered Arousal 09/13/2024

Episode 334 - What to do with Unanswered Arousal Let’s be honest, most of us were not taught what to do when our arousal was unanswered. So, let’s talk about it. What happens when we’re turned on, but our spouse declines? How do we channel that energy into something productive and healthy? And, how do we teach our children to understand unanswered arousal? We’ll talk about all of this and more in this episode. Are you ready for real change? Let’s go! /episode/index/show/amandalouder/id/33023952

Episode 333 - Breaking Free of Sexual Archetypes 09/06/2024

Episode 333 - Breaking Free of Sexual Archetypes What is an archetype? In very simple terms, it’s a “should”. As the man, I “should” be the primary breadwinner. As the woman, I “should” cater to my husband’s sexual needs. But, are these “should’s”, these archetypes, really who you are deep down inside? In this episode, we’re going to talk about relationship and sexual archetypes. We’ll identify them, discuss how they’re shaped, and the benefits and problems they bring. Finally, we’ll talk about why it’s crucial to break free from them. Society has long-standing traditions and norms that dictate what roles men and women “should” play. You see it everywhere. With my step-by-step guide, you can break free from these archetypes and find what you actually want to do, not what you “should” do. /episode/index/show/amandalouder/id/32812187

Episode 332 - What Is Your Touch Communicating 08/30/2024

Episode 332 - What Is Your Touch Communicating I often see people wanting to uplevel their sex lives, but ignoring non-sexual touch completely. But, non-sexual physical intimacy is just as important, if not more important than sexual intimacy. In this episode, we’re going to talk about touch and how important it is to our relationships. Let’s talk about why touch is so important, the difference between intimate and sexual touch, how to navigate touch when partners have different needs or feel overwhelmed, and ways to build a culture of touch and pleasure in your relationship. Don’t be so focused on how to have great sex that you forget about the daily intimacies of touch; the hugs, the kisses, the embraces, the handholding, the importance of touch as a love language and also as a form of foreplay and making love itself. So, what is your touch communicating? Let’s find out. /episode/index/show/amandalouder/id/32811952

Episode 331 - Are Your Teens Interrupting Your Sex Life? 08/23/2024

Episode 331 - Are Your Teens Interrupting Your Sex Life? I recently got a DM from a listener asking me how to navigate her sexual relationship with teens in the house. We often think that little kids make it harder to have sex, but sometimes teenagers are even harder. They have crazier schedules, they stay up later, and they have more knowledge about what’s going on in the bedroom. So, in this episode, I want to talk to those mid-life couples who have teenagers and young adults at home, but who want to find ways to have a great sex life too. Listen in as I explain to you how to navigate this season. /episode/index/show/amandalouder/id/32693037

Episode 330 - Consumption vs Connection 08/16/2024

Episode 330 - Consumption vs Connection I recently had the opportunity to be a guest on the . I talked with Tyler and Brannon about the difference between consumption and connection. I really enjoyed our conversation and the insights that were shared and wanted to share those things with you. So, here is my conversation with Tyler and Brannon of the Therapy Brothers Podcast. /episode/index/show/amandalouder/id/32589462

Sex for Saints

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