Sex for Saints

As a Certified Sex & Marriage Coach, and a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, Amanda Louder helps conservative Christian couples overcome their obstacles to create a more emotionally, mentally, spiritually, and physically intimate relationship.

Episode 333 - Breaking Free of Sexual Archetypes 09/06/2024

Episode 333 - Breaking Free of Sexual Archetypes What is an archetype? In very simple terms, it’s a “should”. As the man, I “should” be the primary breadwinner. As the woman, I “should” cater to my husband’s sexual needs. But, are these “should’s”, these archetypes, really who you are deep down inside? In this episode, we’re going to talk about relationship and sexual archetypes. We’ll identify them, discuss how they’re shaped, and the benefits and problems they bring. Finally, we’ll talk about why it’s crucial to break free from them. Society has long-standing traditions and norms that dictate what roles men and women “should” play. You see it everywhere. With my step-by-step guide, you can break free from these archetypes and find what you actually want to do, not what you “should” do. /episode/index/show/amandalouder/id/32812187

Episode 332 - What Is Your Touch Communicating 08/30/2024

Episode 332 - What Is Your Touch Communicating I often see people wanting to uplevel their sex lives, but ignoring non-sexual touch completely. But, non-sexual physical intimacy is just as important, if not more important than sexual intimacy. In this episode, we’re going to talk about touch and how important it is to our relationships. Let’s talk about why touch is so important, the difference between intimate and sexual touch, how to navigate touch when partners have different needs or feel overwhelmed, and ways to build a culture of touch and pleasure in your relationship. Don’t be so focused on how to have great sex that you forget about the daily intimacies of touch; the hugs, the kisses, the embraces, the handholding, the importance of touch as a love language and also as a form of foreplay and making love itself. So, what is your touch communicating? Let’s find out. /episode/index/show/amandalouder/id/32811952

Episode 331 - Are Your Teens Interrupting Your Sex Life? 08/23/2024

Episode 331 - Are Your Teens Interrupting Your Sex Life? I recently got a DM from a listener asking me how to navigate her sexual relationship with teens in the house. We often think that little kids make it harder to have sex, but sometimes teenagers are even harder. They have crazier schedules, they stay up later, and they have more knowledge about what’s going on in the bedroom. So, in this episode, I want to talk to those mid-life couples who have teenagers and young adults at home, but who want to find ways to have a great sex life too. Listen in as I explain to you how to navigate this season. /episode/index/show/amandalouder/id/32693037

Episode 330 - Consumption vs Connection 08/16/2024

Episode 330 - Consumption vs Connection I recently had the opportunity to be a guest on the . I talked with Tyler and Brannon about the difference between consumption and connection. I really enjoyed our conversation and the insights that were shared and wanted to share those things with you. So, here is my conversation with Tyler and Brannon of the Therapy Brothers Podcast. /episode/index/show/amandalouder/id/32589462

Episode 329 - A Different Way to Approach Sex 08/09/2024

Episode 329 - A Different Way to Approach Sex What if I told you that the way you have been thinking about sex is wrong? What if that’s the reason you don’t have the sex life that you thought you’d have? I know that your intentions are good. I know that you know that sex is good for your marriage, but maybe it’s the way that you look at sex that is affecting your relationship. In this episode, I want to talk about a different way to approach sex in your marriage; a more mindful approach that fosters authenticity, self-expression, and love, intimacy, and connection. Let’s go! /episode/index/show/amandalouder/id/32462522

Episode 328 - Fantasy vs Desire 08/02/2024

Episode 328 - Fantasy vs Desire I’ve noticed a lot of people expressing problems with their spouse’s fantasies. They don’t understand certain fantasies, and they are afraid that their spouse wants to turn them into reality. But, there’s a difference between fantasy and desire. A fantasy is more about thoughts where a desire is bringing that thought into reality. Let’s talk more about the difference and what that means to your relationship in this episode. /episode/index/show/amandalouder/id/32385302

Episode 327 - Traits of Healthy Couples 07/26/2024

Episode 327 - Traits of Healthy Couples Do you know what a healthy relationship looks like? Many of us don’t because our parents didn’t know what a healthy couple looked like either. But we can change that now. In this episode, we’ll talk about why we want to have a healthy relationship beyond being a good example to our children. Then we will talk about what a healthy couple looks like. I’ll bet you’re already doing some of these things, so it’s time to add a bit more. /episode/index/show/amandalouder/id/32291077

Episode 326 - Mining for Conflict to Increase Intimacy 07/19/2024

Episode 326 - Mining for Conflict to Increase Intimacy In this episode, I want to talk about something that may make you feel a little uncomfortable - mining for conflict. It is absolutely crucial for the health and intimacy of our relationships, but what is mining for conflict? It means actively seeking out and addressing underlying issues in a relationship. Finding these conflicts before they escalate into bigger issues and addressing the problems. Why rock the boat? Well, even if you’re ignoring them, the issues are still there. I’m going to give you real steps to take to not only find the conflicts, but to fix them as well. /episode/index/show/amandalouder/id/32206502

Episode 325 - Why Sex Seems So Hard 07/12/2024

Episode 325 - Why Sex Seems So Hard In this episode, I want to talk about a question I get asked all of the time. It’s said in different ways, but it all comes down to this - Why does sex often seem so hard, even when we genuinely want to have it? Have you ever wondered that? Sex is a beautiful, integral part of a healthy marriage, but it’s not uncommon to face challenges in this area, as we all know. So, let’s break down some of the reasons why we might struggle and explore ways to make things better. Are you ready? Let’s go! /episode/index/show/amandalouder/id/32056092

Episode 324 - Are Devices Hurting Your Sex Life? 07/05/2024

Episode 324 - Are Devices Hurting Your Sex Life? In this episode, I want to talk about something that is more and more relevant in our digital age - how devices are hurting marriages and sexual relationships. Because this is now the third leading cause of divorce in the United states, it seems like it’s something that needs to be discussed. So, let’s discuss why devices can be so bad for our relationships, and what we can do about it. /episode/index/show/amandalouder/id/31998117

Episode 323 - How Much Sex is Normal in Marriage? 06/28/2024

Episode 323 - How Much Sex is Normal in Marriage? This is something I get asked all the time! I understand why people want to know, but the answer isn’t so black and white. In this episode we’re going to talk about what is normal when it comes to sex in marriage, and how to get to normal if you feel like your sex life is outside the so-called norm. Are you wondering how much sex is normal in marriage? Let’s answer all your questions. /episode/index/show/amandalouder/id/31905187

Episode 322 - Feeling Like You Are Never Enough Sexually 06/21/2024

Episode 322 - Feeling Like You Are Never Enough Sexually Have you ever felt like you weren’t enough in your life? Most people do, but when that feeling creeps into the bedroom, it can be incredibly frustrating and disheartening. Maybe you feel like you will never satisfy your spouse or maybe you’re met with “I’ll never be enough for you” when sharing your wants and desires. Either way, I know how difficult it can be! So, in this episode, we’re going to unpack the phrase “I’ll never be enough for you” and explore what’s really going on beneath the surface. /episode/index/show/amandalouder/id/31830087

Episode 321 - Sexual Martyrdom 06/14/2024

Episode 321 - Sexual Martyrdom In this episode, we are going to talk about a topic that’s all too common but not often discussed—sexual martyrdom in marriage. I’ll answer questions like: What does it mean to be a sexual martyr? Why is it detrimental to your relationship and yourself? And how to recognize and shift out of this mindset. Let’s find a way to break this cycle! /episode/index/show/amandalouder/id/31731707

Episode 320 - Using Sex As A Bandaid 06/07/2024

Episode 320 - Using Sex As A Bandaid A while ago, I was at an event with a lot of other women. A woman sat down next to me and asked, “What if the sex is really good, but the rest of the marriage isn’t great?” After talking with her about this question for most of the night, I knew this was something I wanted to discuss on the podcast. Why do we use sex as a bandaid? And, more importantly, what can we do to stop it? It may be a temporary fix for the underlying issues, but in the end, it will create distance and resentment in your marriage, which none of us want. We all have used sex as a bandaid before, but let’s look at how we can change that habit. /episode/index/show/amandalouder/id/31633592

Episode 319 - Managing Your Spouse and their Sexuality 05/31/2024

Episode 319 - Managing Your Spouse and their Sexuality In this episode, we’re tackling a delicate and crucial topic: managing your spouse’s sexuality. What does this mean? Why do people do it? How does it affect both higher desire and lower desire partners? Why isn’t it the best approach? We’ll answer all of these questions and more. This one may surprise you. Take a listen. /episode/index/show/amandalouder/id/31540187

Episode 318 - The Sexual Stories That Hurt Our Relationship 05/24/2024

Episode 318 - The Sexual Stories That Hurt Our Relationship When it comes to life, our perception is our reality. And these perceptions also shape our sexual relationships. Unfortunately, we often look at these perceptions as facts rather than realizing that they are an interpretation of facts. So, in this episode, we are going to talk about our perceptions, how they are shaped, and what those perceptions create in our sexual relationship. I specifically talk about the perceptions that we have around being the lower desire partner or the higher desire partner and our spouse in their role as well. Let’s talk about why it’s good to be aware of our perceptions and try to change them in some instances. /episode/index/show/amandalouder/id/31426787

Episode 317 - Measuring the Quality of Our Marriage 05/17/2024

Episode 317 - Measuring the Quality of Our Marriage We often check in with our finances, our physical health, or our mental health, so why not our relationship health? In this episode, we will talk about why we should measure the quality of our marriages, how to measure both your relationship AND your sexual relationship. And what to do if we find things that we need to address. I would love for each of us to come through this with stronger marriages. Let’s get started! /episode/index/show/amandalouder/id/31339632

Episode 316 - If You Love Me… 05/10/2024

Episode 316 - If You Love Me… “If you love me…” I’ve been seeing this phrase thrown around quite a lot lately. My clients often tell me that their spouse has said, “If you love me, you’d have more sex with me.” I recently saw in a Facebook group that someone said to their spouse, “If you love me, you’ll stop watching porn.” At first glance, this phrase doesn’t seem like that big of a deal but it’s actually quite damaging in a relationship. In fact, a therapist called it “the divorce formula.” In this episode, we’re going to explore how this phrase can impact your relationship and what you can do about it. /episode/index/show/amandalouder/id/31213717

Episode 315 - The Burden of Initiating 05/03/2024

Episode 315 - The Burden of Initiating Initiating sex is really important in your relationship, but it can also be really hard. Because of societal norms, we sometimes think that men should always initiate because women should be more passive in bed. This can lead to resentment, especially when he is always being rejected. Now, I’m not saying that women always need to initiate sex or always say yes, but I am saying that talking about it is key. So, in this episode, let’s talk about how initiating sex can be a burden, but it doesn’t have to be. /episode/index/show/amandalouder/id/31079003

Episode 314 - Sexual Resentment 04/26/2024

Episode 314 - Sexual Resentment Sexual Resentment is a complex emotion where we feel our needs are not being met in one way or another. If we take a step back and look at the stories that we are telling ourselves about our spouse and their inability to meet our needs, we can see that those stories are simply not true. They are not serving us well and in fact are eroding our connection and trust in our marriage. So, how do you change that narrative you’ve been telling yourself about why your spouse isn’t meeting your needs? Let’s talk about it. McArthur Krishna's Books: /episode/index/show/amandalouder/id/30987083

Episode 313 - Level 3 Sex 04/19/2024

Episode 313 - Level 3 Sex For the last couple of episodes, we’ve been talking about the different levels of sex. So, in this episode, we’re going to talk about the pinnacle of marital intimacy - Level 3 Sex. I’ll explain all about what Level 3 Sex is, why couples would aspire to reach it, and how both partners can contribute to this sacred and transformative journey. This is the destination that I want for every couple! Listen in as I explain the why’s and how’s of Level 3 Sex. /episode/index/show/amandalouder/id/30875153

Episode 312 - Level 2 Sex 04/12/2024

Episode 312 - Level 2 Sex In the last podcast, we talked about Level 1 Sex, what it is, and what we can do about it. So, in this podcast, we are talking about Level 2 Sex, what it is and why you’d want to level up your sex life. Level 2 Sex is not the end of your sexual journey, but rather part of the journey. It’s the zone where you’re not quite at the peak of desire, but you’re certainly not in the valley of disinterest either. It’s like standing at the edge of a pool, dipping your toe in, but not fully diving in just yet. Are you ready to level up your sex life to Level 2? Listen in! And don’t miss the next podcast all about Level 3 Sex! /episode/index/show/amandalouder/id/30782693

Episode 311 - Level 1 Sex 04/05/2024

Episode 311 - Level 1 Sex In this episode, we’re diving into a topic that might resonate with many of you - Level 1 Sex. What is it? What isn’t it? And most importantly, how can we move towards a more fulfilling experience in our intimate relationships? I’ll answer these questions and more as we discuss how each partner might contribute to Level 1 Sex and why it’s hard to break out of it. There is better sex out there my friends! It starts with a willingness to change. So let’s start today! /episode/index/show/amandalouder/id/30681553

Episode 310 - Overcoming Sexual Disappointment 03/29/2024

Episode 310 - Overcoming Sexual Disappointment Sexual disappointment is a complex emotion. Whenever we have expectations and those expectations aren’t being met, it’s natural to be disappointed. But what really matters is how we deal with that disappointment. Do we pretend we’re fine? Do we get angry? Do we avoid the emotion? Or do we talk about it? We are surrounded by examples of what a ‘real’ sexual experience should look like, but they aren’t reality. Having desires and fantasies is wonderful, but once we let in the expectations, that’s where disappointment comes from. Let’s talk about what we can do to overcome the sexual disappointment in our relationships that’s causing us to be disconnected from our spouse. /episode/index/show/amandalouder/id/30584108

Episode 309 - Are You Using Your Wife for Sex? 03/22/2024

Episode 309 - Are You Using Your Wife for Sex? When asked, “Are you using your wife for sex?”, most men would say, "Absolutely not”! But is that true? Many men use their wives for sex without even realizing they are doing it. They don’t do it maliciously, but that doesn’t mean they don’t do it. In this episode, let’s talk about what it means to use your wife for sex, why you do it, and how to change that habit. This episode is for men and women who want to break out of a sexual habit that isn’t getting you the connection you need or want in your relationship. /episode/index/show/amandalouder/id/30480458

Episode 308 - Relational Listening - An Essential Sexual Conversation Skill 03/15/2024

Episode 308 - Relational Listening - An Essential Sexual Conversation Skill In this episode, let’s talk about one of the most powerful tools in your relationship toolbox - relational listening. What is relational listening? It’s more than hearing, it’s understanding. So, how do you use it in conversations? Let’s talk about that! Listen to this episode to know what to do before, during, and after having a relational conversation with your spouse. Learn how to create a safe space for both of you to express your desires, fears, and fantasies so that you can have that fulfilling sexual relationship you’ve always wanted. /episode/index/show/amandalouder/id/30363618

Episode 307 - 3 Things That Affect Sexual Desire 03/08/2024

Episode 307 - 3 Things That Affect Sexual Desire Sexual desire is much more complex than many of us are led to believe. Desire is multifaceted and must be examined from a biological, psychological, and sociological standpoint. Why do I talk about desire so often? Because a lack of desire is the number one thing that women come to me for help with. They tell me that their desire has just disappeared and they have no idea where it’s gone. So, let’s dive into what goes into desire and maybe how to get it back. /episode/index/show/amandalouder/id/30273123

Episode 306 - The Four Things We All Want in our Sexual Relationship 03/01/2024

Episode 306 - The Four Things We All Want in our Sexual Relationship I’ve been thinking a lot about what we all want in our relationships and what that means to our relationships. So, today I’m going to share with you the four things that we all want in our sexual relationships. We may call them different things, but everyone wants essentially the same thing. I am also going to talk about what happens when these things we want aren’t happening in our sexual relationships. And what you can do about that. You see, the absence of these foundational values can lead to a host of challenges that impact both the marital and sexual aspects of a relationship. Let’s see what we can do about that! /episode/index/show/amandalouder/id/30171628

Episode 305 - What Every Couple Needs To Know About Women’s Hormones - An Interview with Dr. Kelly Casperson 02/23/2024

Episode 305 - What Every Couple Needs To Know About Women’s Hormones - An Interview with Dr. Kelly Casperson I am so excited for you to hear this interview with Dr. Kelly Casperson. We talk about what you and your partner need to know about women’s hormones. We as women don’t get a lot of information about hormones in general but especially during perimenopause and menopause. Even if you’re not quite there yet, you are going to want to listen to what Dr. Kelly has to say because we will all go through this! This is an episode you are going to want to share with all of the women in your life. Dr. Kelly Casperson is a urologic surgeon, author, sex educator, and top international podcaster whose mission is empowering women to live their best love lives. She combines education, humor, and candor in her podcast, , where she dismantles the myths people have learned and normalizes healthy, enjoyable sex worth desiring. For more information, follow Dr. Kelly on Instagram (), or visit . /episode/index/show/amandalouder/id/30075128

Episode 304 - Female-Centric Sex 02/16/2024

Episode 304 - Female-Centric Sex I know that some of us, both men and women, feel that female-centric sex is selfish. But it absolutely is not! Let’s talk about why women may not want to transition to a female-centric approach to sex and why men might not want to as well. But when it comes down to it, a female-centric approach to sex can be a transformative journey for couples, deepening their intimacy, connection, and satisfaction. Want to learn how? Listen in! /episode/index/show/amandalouder/id/29940973

Sex for Saints

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