LOVE IS FEARLESS

Most people don't realize it's possible to live a life without fear, a life where love removes anxiety and anger and shame from every conversation, every challenge, every decision. LOVE IS FEARLESS is on a mission to help create cultures of love instead of fear--in homes, schools, workplaces, communities, and churches. We believe that truth is essential, trust is crucial, and love is our great hope to build a world without fear. Join us for our podcast, where we’ll offer practical advice that will empower you to bravely choose love every day. Together, we can change the world--YOUR world.

#133: F is for FREEDOM 04/17/2024

#133: F is for FREEDOM You’re in the right place if: You’re curious about FREEDOM because you want it but you’re not experiencing it. You’re afraid of FREEDOM because when you offer it to your kids, life seems to go off the rails and circumstances seem to get worse instead of better. Control seems to be a better option. You’ve heard the original good news of the gospel—that you’re not a sinner striving to become a saint, but a saint who sometimes sins—AND you’re wondering why you feel stuck in your old story instead of hopeful in your new life. In this episode, Doug and Janet are playing with putting these four words together like the four sides of a puzzle: freedom, connection, completeness, and maturity. This is the puzzle we’re discovering called LIFE in the KINGDOM. Contrast those four sides of the puzzle: bondage, separateness, scarcity, and immaturity. This is the puzzle we’re walking out of called LIFE in the EMPIRE. Here's why it matters: When I believe in my completeness, my self-talk is generative, my desires are generous, and my relationships bear good fruit. When I believe in my lack, I tell myself a distorted self-story. My self-talk is critical. My desire is to control what you think of me and protect my image. I need to consume more, and I believe what I need to acquire is scarce--so I live in conflict with others. In the empires of this world, it is impossible for me to love you because I don't see myself truly. This episode is deep, wide, and practical. Linger in these takeaways and share this one with your friends. Freedom in Christ is most realized when the person reflecting me back to me sees me as complete instead of lacking. Discovering how to persevere in struggle and recover from getting off course when I pursue the desires I follow, believing lies about myself, is a key part of my journey to wholeness and maturity. JAMES 1:2-5 (NIV) Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. LOVE IS FEARLESS is the voice of and is a . Thank you for prayerfully considering becoming a ministry partner. to share the good news that the Kingdom of God is at hand. It’s not just a tagline—together, there is great hope. Subscribe to Janet's newsletter, THE CURATED LIFE, at janetnewberry.com. Also, shop fun merch from the LOVE IS FEARLESS collection, including T-shirts, hoodies, kitchen towels, posters, and more. Every purchase from this collection helps support our work with /episode/index/show/janetnewberry/id/30644768

#132: E is for ENERGY 04/03/2024

#132: E is for ENERGY The kingdom of God offers us a different kind of energy than the empire of the world. The source of kingdom energy is God. His energy is love, and when we’re aware that we’re plugged into this power, we experience peace--not anxiety. Love energy is supernatural energy. That's one big reason why living loved feels so different from living afraid, so you’re in the right place if - You’re tired of running on the fuel of fear and anxiety and you’re hungry for permission to believe in something more. You enjoy hearing supernatural stories that empower you to believe in more than your natural eyes can see and your natural ears can hear. You’re ready to live a life trusting that you are valuable and protected by the God of the Universe who is your Father - and who is inviting you into a love story of epic proportions because you are His child. In this episode, Janet tells a supernatural love story, and Doug reminds us that the way things are in our world is not the way things can be in the kingdom. God is making all things new—and that’s His provision. He protects the vulnerable and writes a new story that's impossible without Him. Dare to imagine a supernatural love story with God as you listen to this episode and linger in these TAKEAWAYS: Don’t simply pray for broken relationships to be healed. Pray for God’s power to bring forth a new relationship to enjoy where broken has been something you’ve lived with for too long. Empowered means “giving someone the authority or power to do something” or “making someone stronger and more confident.” Being empowered in the Kingdom of God is very different from being empowered in the systems that exist in our world today because the roots of these systems were built before Jesus gave us a new heart, a new covenant, and ushered in a new kingdom. The energy in the kingdom of God primarily protects the vulnerable and provides the priceless. As followers of Jesus, we have this power, too. We are empowered and can empower others - with love, not fear. Janet and Doug talk about these resources in this episode: It’s not just a tagline—together, there is great hope. Subscribe to Janet's newsletter, THE CURATED LIFE, at . Also, shop fun merch from the collection, including t-shirts, hoodies, kitchen towels, posters, and more. Every purchase from this collection helps support our work with /episode/index/show/janetnewberry/id/30644698

#131: D is for DREAMS 03/20/2024

#130: C is for CONVERSATIONS 03/06/2024

#130: C is for CONVERSATIONS We’re recording this episode one month after the end of the holiday season - and as much as we all get excited about Christmas parties and family gatherings…most of the families we talk to are still navigating some confusing and maybe some painful relationship struggles that have carried over into the new year. You’re in the right place if - You come from a good family but your family relationships are some of the most challenging - or maybe most painful. You want to be a good family member and do the right thing but honestly, sometimes, family is the place where there are more accusers than defenders. The conversations in your family of origin haven’t changed over time because the people in your family haven’t changed. The most emotionally unstable person gets to be in charge - or have the most influence. People still choose sides as a way of self-protecting or self-promoting. When you think about it, your good family has as many things in common with a gang as it does with an alliance. You’re hungry for people who can help you heal instead of simply winning an argument or being the star of the show at family reunions. You’re more excited about being transformed than being conformed to the patterns of your childhood that taught you to live afraid in the first place. Your family matters because those relationships formed your identity - whether it is the identity that God imprinted in your DNA or not. If you’re being intentional about learning to live loved instead of afraid at this season of your life right now, learning to live afraid was what you learned first in your family of origin. The Curated Life alphabet will give you some new landmarks to put on your daily map - so you can build a life and a community that will impact and influence you with the love that reminds you who God says you are. Listen in as Doug and Janet talk about "family conversations" in the kingdom of God and linger in these TAKEAWAYS: Conversations will either transform us or conform us to the patterns of this world. Conversations are culture carriers. We learn who we are and what we value in the words we hear and speak - and the patterns we develop for how we exchange words with each other - or the patterns for how we avoid exchanging words with each other. Safe, generative, deep conversations are one of the most defining signposts in a culture of love - and shallow conversations riddled with guilt, shame, bullying, sarcasm, and dismissive accusations are possibly the most recognizable negative cycles in a culture of fear. Conversations will either transform the world around us or conform the world around us. It is not the world that generates our conversations. It is our conversations that generate our world. In this episode, we suggest listening to others have safe, generative, deep conversations as part of your Curated Life. Susie Larson and Jamie Winship have some of the most transformative conversations we've heard. A few suggestions include - This LOVE IS FEARLESS episode with John Lynch shares the power of PERMISSION in a Curated Life. Janet's book includes questions that build generative conversations. Doug read a selection from Jamie Winship's book to help you experience the difference between generative and formulaic conversations. Share today's episode with a friend and then share your considerations and questions with each other in a safe, generative, deep conversation. Together, there is great hope. /episode/index/show/janetnewberry/id/30246043

#129: Beauty Is Hope 02/21/2024

#128: B is for BEAUTY 02/07/2024

#128: B is for BEAUTY You’re in the right place if - You’re wondering why you’ve checked off all the boxes on the roadmap to success but you’re still struggling - with your habits, your finances, your spouse, or your emotions. You’re wondering why you keep getting sucked into the same destructive cycles in your story even if you’re really smart. You’re beginning to recognize that your relational assets are as important in your story as any other assets. In season five, we’re committed to helping you embrace a primary goal of living loved instead of simply measuring up. Trying to measure up makes us afraid of not measuring up. Living loved often helps us experience success without the artificial ingredient of fear. The Curated Life alphabet is going to give you some new landmarks to put on your daily map - so you can build a life and a community that will offer you the love that doesn’t leave you empty inside. When you're living loved, loving others happens naturally. Doug and Janet start some fiesty new conversations, tell us why BEAUTY is vital in a living loved story, and leave us with these TAKEAWAYS - The love of God is a source of comfort and challenge. We need both to help us heal and grow. Beauty is a reliable source of comfort. Comfort is what we need to feel safe - and when we feel steady, we naturally move out into the world and embrace the challenges that help us grow. Beauty is a reliable source of challenge. Beauty challenges me to trust that I am who God says I am. I am the beneficiary of his gifts of beauty - and I am created in his image, so my heart will experience deep satisfaction when I bring beauty to the world the way he does. It’s not just a tagline - together, there is great hope. Subscribe to Janet's newsletter, THE CURATED LIFE at . Also, shop fun merch from the to find t-shirts, hoodies, kitchen towels, posters, and more. Every purchase from this collection helps support our work with /episode/index/show/janetnewberry/id/29831178

#127: A is for AFFECTIONS 01/24/2024

#127: A is for AFFECTIONS We're fresh into a new season titled The Curated Life - A Fresh Take On Living Loved and we're circling back to this vital question: What if you create a lifestyle for yourself that builds a context for transformation instead of a context for conforming to the patterns of this world? Here’s what we’ve discovered - The more an environment is about being perfect or measuring up to a standard, the more people hold their breath, judge each other, and hide their issues. Environments that focus on “being good” are cultures of fear and fear brings out the worst in us. Fear writes our stories with rhythms and habits that we are ashamed of, and then we curate a life while we’re trying to deal with our shame. The more an environment is about being whom God created you to be, the more people breathe easy, love each other, and drag their issues into the light to ask for help. Environments that focus on identity are cultures of love and love brings out the best in us. Love writes our stories with different accessories, rhythms, and habits that transform us instead of conforming us - and shame is never a part of a transformation story. Listen as we talk about Taco Bell, living in a small town, adverse childhood experiences, beneficial life experiences, and why curating a life of life-giving affections can heal your nervous system and help you discover the power to move past your addictions. We laugh a lot in this episode and we leave you with these powerful TAKEAWAYS: Oftentimes, what makes systems thrive is what makes people sick. Give yourself permission to choose what’s good for you, not simply what a system convinces you is “good.” Life is designed to be a collection of experiences and relationships that transform us, not simply a systematized means to a predetermined end. When you look at how you’ve spent your time at the end of each day, ask yourself, “Am I okay with the things that are influencing my nervous system, my body, my thoughts, and my relationships?” "The information you consume each day is the soil from which your future thoughts are grown. Nobody stumbles into a well-lived life. It has to be cultivated. Reflection and review are critical." (James Clear, author of ) It’s not just a tagline - together, there is great hope. Subscribe to Janet's newsletter, THE CURATED LIFE at . Also, shop fun merch from the to find t-shirts, hoodies, kitchen towels, posters, and more. Every purchase from this collection helps support our work with /episode/index/show/janetnewberry/id/29356443

#126: How To Live Loved Instead of Afraid 01/10/2024

#126: How To Live Loved Instead of Afraid Welcome to Season Five! We're calling this season "The Curated Life - A Fresh Take on Living Loved" because we’re all at a real fork in the road. It’s a brand new year. Which direction will you go? How will you curate your story? We only have two choices and it’s often not what we think. We’re not looking at a new year, hoping that more good choices and less bad choices will finally tip the scales in our favor. No matter what our culture keeps telling us, conforming to the patterns of this world will never lead us to the deepest desires of our hearts. Even if you're tempted to pursue the traditional resolutions of more exercise and less overeating, you're not going to wake up one day excited to get out of bed and embrace the day if the best you've got to guide you is a list of how many minutes you need to keep your heart rate up and how many calories is your limit. The new life we're invited to celebrate because of the life, death, and resurrection of Jesus won’t fit in the patterns of this world because the patterns of this world teach us how to live and move and succeed and fail in a culture of fear, not a culture of love. Join Janet and Doug and they begin a season of community-wide storywork and an invitation for you to risk a relationship with God as your narrative therapist. This year's challenge for all of us is to embrace our stories as curators and cartographers, combining theological and neurological discoveries with personal life experiences to create a map out of fear stories into the land of love stories. Listen now and linger in these TAKEAWAYS: The CURATED LIFE alphabet teaches you to read the label on the culture in your home, your child’s school, your church, and your community so you can recognize artificial ingredients that are teaching us all to live a life Jesus set us free from. We don’t need to look too closely to see the catastrophic impact on our stories. The CURATED LIFE alphabet is also a list of essential ingredients for participating with God as your own narrative therapist to build a culture of love. These ingredients offer fresh energy, connection, and safety that automatically clean out and restock the pantry of your habits, rhythms, and routines. The CURATED LIFE alphabet is not a list of laws, resolutions, and rules. The alphabet is about the atmosphere you breathe in, the rhythms you create, and the relationships and ideas you trust. It’s not just a tagline - together, there is great hope. Subscribe to Janet's newsletter, THE CURATED LIFE at . Also, shop fun merch from the to find t-shirts, hoodies, kitchen towels, posters, and more. Every purchase from this collection helps support our work with /episode/index/show/janetnewberry/id/29356418

#125: How To Help Your Child Live A Secure Story 11/29/2023

#125: How To Help Your Child Live A Secure Story We're starting a new conversation about helping our children live loved instead of afraid. You're in the right place if: Your child is experiencing a lot of success - but your relationship with your child is struggling. The distance between you keeps getting bigger and bigger - and you’re more convinced than ever that putting one foot in front of the other on the familiar path you’ve been walking is going to offer any relief. Your relationship needs something transformative. Your child is rebelling. They’re getting in trouble at school and stay in trouble at home. You’ve tried punishment. You’ve tried second chances and third chances and more chances than you can count and there’s not enough chances, it seems, to change the outcome. You need more than relief. You need help. Your home is beyond busy. Honestly, it feels like chaos. Some days, you wonder if staying busy has become a coping mechanism because when you’re not rushing from one activity to another, you notice that everyone’s just going through the motions but not really alive. It’s painful…so you sign up for one more vacation, one more sport, one more private lesson. This is the good life, right? Who has time to wonder? Go, team! Listen in as Doug and Janet share three practical ideas that help children build a secure nervous system even while experiencing insecure circumstances. Help us celebrate 25 episodes in 2023 with these TAKEAWAYS - needs your support. We’re helping more and more parents experience more and more security in their relationships with God and others. When parents’ stories move from insecure to secure, our children have great hope. Please prayerfully consider donating generously to . Our kids need safe relationships with secure adults who are courageous enough to say, “Stop. Don’t go that way anymore. Walk this way.” at the same time they’re saying, “Haven’t you done this enough by yourself?” We help families find their narrative. We look together at their story and find the subplots that are written in fear instead of love. Together, we move through the steps of asking God to speak truth to the lies we’re telling ourselves because we’re afraid - and then we help parents and children learn to follow the voice of Love. We help children build more than success stories - we help children build secure stories. Together, there is great hope. Reach out if you're hungry to participate with love instead of fear in your own story. We'd love to walk with you beyond the fork in the road. Email or . to contribute to John 15 Academy's end-of-year giving campaign and help Doug and Janet meet the 2023 goal of $20,000. Visit this link for merch. Sign up for Janet's newsletter by visiting. /episode/index/show/janetnewberry/id/28765293

#124: How do you write a love story? 11/15/2023

#124: How do you write a love story? Did you know there is a formula for love stories and we're all living in one? If you haven't gotten to the part where love casts out your fears, your story's not over yet! That's good news! Even better...that's THE GOOD NEWS! You’re in the right place if - You’ve given up on living a love story. If you were brutally honest, you don’t even want a love story anymore. You’ve found a comfortable rut on the road of self-reliance and you've decided connecting with people is too complicated. You’re afraid of a love story. You’ve risked loving other people more than once and it didn’t end well. Letting others love you hasn’t worked so well either. Fear is telling you that love is too risky and you’ve agreed with fear long enough to get comfortable living afraid. You’re hungry for a love story - or at least a true story. Some parts of your story are so propped up with self-protection and self-promotion that you wonder if it might be easier to simply show up honestly in your story instead of hidden. You’re curious about living in a secure story instead of an anxious one. Listen in as Doug and Janet share both the formula for love stories and the great hope we have when life gets difficult. Every time we get to a place of suffering in our stories, we're invited to participate with Love, not fear. Our children do, too. We can help them build a secure story they don't have to rebuild when they're not kids anymore. Share this episode with a friend who needs the truths in these TAKEAWAYS: Many times in a crisis, having our felt needs met often opens our hearts to the truth that meets our real needs. That’s one reason why we need people in our stories who know us well. They’ll not rush in to insist we look too fast at the new path that will lead us out of the crisis. Instead, they’ll remind us who God says we are by simply being with us and reminding us we are valuable, no matter what chapter we’re on in our love stories. Jesus didn’t say, “Come to me all who are crushing it, living your best life, and I will give you rest.” He said, “Come to me all who are weary, and I will give you rest.” Jesus knows where you are in your story. He’s not freaked out by your progressive complications. The gospel is proof that He wants to hold your hand on a new road. So many times, we freak out about our problems. God knows freaking out only makes our problems worse because fear never puts us on the same road that the truth will point us to. That’s why God is the safest place to run to when we’re afraid because we’re struggling. Having a safe place meets a vital felt need, and God’s truth meets a real need, too. Many times, a miracle comes next. Together, there is great hope. Reach out if you're hungry to participate with love instead of fear in your own story. We'd love to walk with you beyond the fork in the road. Email or . to contribute to John 15 Academy's end-of-year giving campaign and help Doug and Janet meet the 2023 goal of $20,000. Visit this link for merch. Sign up for Janet's newsletter by visiting . /episode/index/show/janetnewberry/id/28559588

#123: Changing The Standards For Childhood 11/01/2023

#123: Changing The Standards For Childhood Don't let the title of this episode fool you. You’re in the right place if... ...you’re tired. You’re tired of your job, you’re tired of the struggle that won’t seem to end with your children (or your parents), and you’re tired of the chaos in the world that gives you a million reasons to be afraid. ...you’re curious. You’ve noticed on the days you take a break from the crazy cycle and go stare at a beach or hike in the mountains, there’s still something inside of you that dares to be moved by inspiration. You’re not dead yet, and you think you’re ready to hope that there’s more to life than earning and proving and power. ...you’re healing. Maybe you’ve risked therapy. Maybe your therapist is helping you let go of lies and live in more truth. Maybe your hope muscle is getting stronger, and you’re ready to experience more freedom. Doug and Janet start a new conversation in this episode, weaving ideas together from 's book, , and Janet's book Listen in as they reveal the secret to living the power of truth and love instead of fear and lies, and linger in these TAKEAWAYS: Schools - and families - are conditioned to promote those who learn without struggle and “wonder what to do with” those who do. But what if struggle is a gift rather than a red flag signaling a failure to perform? And what if performing a standardized task isn’t the real goal? (by Janet Newberry) How you frame your struggle will be how you respond and manage it because you create realities with your thoughts. (Dr. Caroline Leaf, social media) Identity is something that is received in community through our imagination from God. You don’t come up with your own identity - you receive it in community from above. () "...all human conflict originates from fear, and fear originates from a false view of God, ourselves, and others."(, by Jamie Winship) Follow Janet on and . Find fun merch and support . Together, there is great hope. /episode/index/show/janetnewberry/id/28479542

#122 A Tale of Two Wineskins 10/18/2023

#122 A Tale of Two Wineskins "I’m recognizing that transformation is not possible in an achievement-oriented culture, it is only possible in an identity-oriented culture. When achievement is the goal, our identity will come from our accomplishments, and we'll live fueled by the power of fear. Shame will be the voice we hear. Fear conforms, not transforms." "When we put new theology - even the theology of love, into a culture identified by accomplishments and success, fear will be the fuel we run on. Our children will recognize the voice of Shame more than the voice of Love. Love can help our children make good grades on tests and hit home runs, but if the primary goal of our connection with our kids is to help them achieve, they will not transform. They will conform." Join Janet and Doug as they start a new conversation, blending the wisdom of by Curt Thompson, MD, and by Jamie Winship. Linger in these TAKEAWAYS - There is no shame in the kingdom of God. Jesus took our shame on the cross. The voice of shame isn’t heard when living in our true identity. When we hear the voice of shame, our community helps us listen to the voice of Love. Shame may move us up the ladder in an achievement-obsessed culture, but it will make us sick in ways that medical advancements can’t cure. When fear is the fuel we run on, we introduce an auto-immune disease into our narratives. The only cure is Love. In God’s kingdom, longevity isn’t the goal. We’re not consumed with the target of survival of the fittest, and we don’t have time to waste consuming only what we can earn. Receiving the truth that we are formed in our mother’s womb with the purpose of bringing goodness and beauty to the story of a world in need of redemption - not simply more success, wakes us up in a new worldview, listening to a new voice. Thanks for listening and sharing this episode with others. Please visit to find hoodies, sweatshirts, t-shirts, stickers, canvas bags, kitchen towels, and more! Start new conversations that help people hear the voice of Love! Together, there is great hope. /episode/index/show/janetnewberry/id/28276112

#121: Exchanging Lies for Love 10/04/2023

#121: Exchanging Lies for Love The inner voice of Love always speaks the liberating truth of God - but our worldly development has programmed us to tune into another voice. We’re more familiar with the voice of fear. We’re more familiar with our own truth than God's truth. This episode is for you if: You’re more familiar with the voice of fear and shame than you are with the voice of love and truth. You know well the language of condemnation, cutting sarcasm, blame, control, and manipulation - but it sounds weird and very uncomfortable when you hear affirmation, encouragement, or simply a compliment. Most of your conversations are transactional - not transformational, or you don’t know the difference between the two. You learned to talk in the dialect of self-promotion and self-protection - or you prefer not to talk at all because staying disconnected from others doesn’t require you to risk connecting with yourself. Or you prefer to talk a lot because you have enough verbal resources to overwhelm almost anyone, and getting the last word in is the best you can hope for. Join Doug and Janet in a conversation that blends the wisdom of two books - by Henri Nouwen, and by Jamie Winship. Linger in these takeaways - In God’s kingdom, our thoughts and our plans are the only places we find lack. There is no lack in the Kingdom of God. Wrong beliefs render us powerless. God’s truth for our lives comes with God’s power to live out that truth. The best part about new life may be that we can hear the voice of Love. Sometimes, we need others who can hear Him on our behalf. When I am afraid, transformational relationships offer me an identity beyond the only reality I can see while I’m stuck in survival mode. Thanks for listening and sharing this episode with others. Please visit to find hoodies, sweatshirts, t-shirts, stickers, canvas bags, kitchen towels, and more! Start new conversations that help people hear the voice of Love! Enjoy this gift from . Together, there is great hope. /episode/index/show/janetnewberry/id/28214255

#120 Why Survival Mode Might Be Killing Your Relationships 09/20/2023

#120 Why Survival Mode Might Be Killing Your Relationships This LOVE IS FEARLESS episode is for you if - You’re curious about building a different lifestyle to help you heal or restore a relationship because when you stop to think about it, the lifestyle you’re living is based on cultural values, and those values are not helping you enjoy healthy relationships. You’re starting a new relationship. You’re ready to admit that you don’t treat people who are struggling with kindness and empathy - and that’s a sign that you don’t really like yourself very much. You are sitting with the idea that seeing yourself differently will help you see others differently. You’re good at fighting, controlling, manipulating, staying quiet, not rocking the boat, avoiding conflict…you may also be experiencing worldly success…but your relationships are struggling…even your relationship with yourself. In this episode, Doug and Janet start a new conversation about , A Year With the Trueface Team. We discuss how reading good books together gives us a word bank that pulls us out of survival mode into thriving mode. One of the distinct differences in our relationship is the conversations we share - specifically, what we talk about…and that we talk a lot! We both needed to be seen and heard because we’d lived in survival mode for a long time. No wonder God built this new foundation for communication in our marriage. Listen now and linger in these TAKEAWAYS - Survival mode will offer you a lifestyle. It will keep you busy. It may keep your house clean. It may keep your kids on the honor roll and going to church. But it will not benefit your relationships. Only love is a benefit to relationships. Not success. Love happens in a different part of your brain, and we connect with that part when we connect with each other. Survival mode is meant to keep us not dead. It’s not meant to bring us to life. We are created to thrive. Thriving is different from being perfect. When perfection is the goal, we get stuck in survival mode, afraid of messing up. When life is a struggle, connect with God and others…and experience all the bells and whistles of a whole new brain…and new relationships that teach you to like yourself because they don’t freak out when you struggle. Thanks for listening and sharing this episode with others. Please visit to find hoodies, sweatshirts, t-shirts, stickers, canvas bags, kitchen towels, and more! Start new conversations that help people fear less because their finding LOVE! Together, there is great hope. /episode/index/show/janetnewberry/id/28057839

#119 Creating a Family Identity 09/06/2023

#119 Creating a Family Identity This LOVE IS FEARLESS episode is for you if - Conflict is killing you. You’re seeing a pattern in your relationships, even with yourself. Whenever there’s a disagreement, the result is deconstruction instead of constructive. You know you have a new identity in Christ. You know the theology of grace. You know your new focus in life is love instead of avoiding sin. But when you’re honest with yourself, your story goes around in the same cyclical protection patterns when life is difficult - and you feel stuck. You’re confused about what to do with your emotions. You’ve lived for decades either letting emotions overwhelm you and everyone else in your story - or you’ve lived that long avoiding your emotions, which has only given your body one choice for dealing with other’s emotions, and that’s to avoid them, too. Neither choice is helping you grow - or helping your relationships grow. In this episode, Doug and Janet start a new conversation about a great book - by Patrick Lencioni. Doug and Janet talk about writing a playbook for yourself and your family because creating clarity in your home can help your family grow instead of survive - or divide. We also share the playbooks we use for , and this LOVE IS FEARLESS podcast - to guide our decisions and help us work smart while staying organizationally healthy. Janet offers to share her personal playbook when you sign up for her newsletter, Listen now and linger in these TAKEAWAYS - Seth Godin reminds us, “Every belief can feel mainstream if we immerse ourselves in it.” Don’t fall for the belief that relationships don’t heal or that living in a deconstruction crisis is the only option for your marriage or family. Healing happens when you move closer together and return to the power and truth love offers instead of fear. Clarity at home is KEY. It’s as essential as clarity about your own identity. Without a family identity and clarity about your values and goals, every crisis can destroy unity instead of building it. offers valuable resources to help families bring up children who explicitly and implicitly know that God is a Father who cares. Getting clear about God helps us all get clear about ourselves and others. Visit our website to benefit from all we offer. also shares this invitation - "Reach out if I can help your family find the clarity that helps you grow closer in hard times instead of falling apart. I have limited spots available on my consulting calendar. Send me an email today. " Visit to find hoodies, sweatshirts, t-shirts, stickers, canvas bags, kitchen towels, and more! Start new conversations that help people fear less because their finding LOVE! Together, there is great hope. /episode/index/show/janetnewberry/id/27948807

#118 Are Emotions Our Enemies Or Our Friends? 08/23/2023

#118 Are Emotions Our Enemies Or Our Friends? Difficult days can go from bad to worse when we forget emotions are intended to be our friends instead of our enemies. When we live as if emotions are our enemies, we try to control them or pretend they don't exist. When we engage with emotions as our friends, we notice and listen to them. Valuing our emotions for the information they give us, we discover our core values and deep desires. We learn to pause and consider how to move forward in the direction of our goals instead of staying stuck in our self-protection patterns. In this episode, Doug and Janet enjoy an energetic conversation with author, speaker, podcaster, and Licensed Professional Counselor Michelle Nietert. We're starting a conversation about , a new book Michelle co-authored with Lynn Cowell. Listen now to benefit from Michelle's generous wisdom and sense of humor and linger in these TAKEAWAYS - Managing our emotions is challenging. But the emotions we feel are energy in motion, and we can meet the challenge with the help of God and others. When emotions remind us to connect with secure relationships, emotions are an onramp to maturity instead of chaos. What we think often affects what we feel, and how we feel often affects what we do. Our mind, heart, and body are all connected. We can discover ways to train our brains so they can help us manage our emotions - just like we can train our brains to learn math facts. Training our brains to focus on God’s promises can help us, over time, learn to replace feelings of sadness, fear, and anger with hopefulness, bravery, and calmness. Resources mentioned in this episode - Check out our new LOVE IS FEARLESS styles on Reminding ourselves about God’s promises is the reason we’ve created LOVE IS FEARLESS merch! Sign up for Janet's newsletter Discover valuable resources for parents and educators at Connect with Michelle at and find links to purchase ALL her great books. /episode/index/show/janetnewberry/id/27824568

#117 A New Conversation about "What Are We Aiming For?" 08/09/2023

#117 A New Conversation about "What Are We Aiming For?" Season 4 of the LIF podcast is all about starting new conversations. We’re leaning in instead of leaning away from fresh perspectives…even if they seem to lead us away from the traditional life and lifestyle we’ve worked to achieve for so long. We’re willing to admit that sometimes we experience peace before we experience success. We’re discovering that living loved really is different from living afraid, that saying NO is as much an option as saying YES, and we literally feel different in our own bodies and our own stories when we’re benefitting from love instead of motivated by the fear of missing out. In this episode, we're starting a new conversation about by Bill Thrall, Bruce McNicol, and Kevin McElrath. We're talking about becoming a healthy leader and discerning healthy leadership under which you can align yourself and grow, instead of simply showing up and making it work. Listen in as we describe the CAPACITY and CHARACTER ladders, and linger in these TAKEAWAYS-- Living loved is a synonym for God’s plan for your life. Living afraid is a synonym for the enemy's plan for your life. “God’s plan could mean stepping up to a challenge. It could mean stepping down. But each step brings us closer to our destiny if it leads to greater love for God and others. Whether our sphere of influence is small or large, the possibilities remain the same. We can watch our motives transform from selfishness to selflessness. We can submit to the Master’s loving hand, becoming what we need to become for the benefit of others and our world.” (p. 179) “In the course you have set for your life, how are you providing for the safety of those you influence? As you look over your shoulder, who is in the wake of your influence and how are they doing?” (p.12) Do you need encouragement to live a fearless story, not a perfect life? Enjoy LOVE IS FEARLESS t-shirts, posters, kitchen towels, canvas bags, and stickers to inspire yourself and those you love. Visit the Janet Newberry collection at Stay inspired by . You'll receive Janet's newsletter delivered to your inbox twice a month. Find daily inspiration on social media - and on Facebook. Together, there is great hope. /episode/index/show/janetnewberry/id/27697053

#116 A New Conversation About Living A New Life As A Child Of God 07/26/2023

#116 A New Conversation About Living A New Life As A Child Of God Join us in this episode as we dig deep into a new conversation about This week, we're talking about the power of love that changes everything, especially when we begin to experience God as a safe and secure Father, rather than a distant and threatening judge. In his book, Todd Hall tells about a man diagnosed with schizophrenia who is now functioning well and has a fulfilling life, due in large part to the power of loving connection to overcome genetic vulnerabilities. "Though genetics and medication certainly play a role, they are not the only factors that contribute to our well-being. Connection is also a major factor because we are born to connect." Does this amazing story offer us a fresh perspective on Romans 12:2? What if being conformed to the patterns of this world happens when we're disconnected in our relationships, and being transformed by the renewing of your mind happens when we trust that we have a secure connection with a good, good Father? Join us in this transformative new conversation and linger in these TAKEAWAYS - When we live in a world with fewer and fewer face-to-face connections, we lose the norms of reciprocity and trustworthiness - so we lose the ability to influence and impact each other with the power of love, even though we can still make people do what we want by manipulating them or shaming them. Receiving love requires a relationship of trust. Being pushed around by fear happens without trustworthiness. Walking on a healing journey with a spouse or a few close friends is not always easy, but it is deep and life-giving. Belonging, meaning, and creating real value in the world together is more satisfying than individualism, materialism, or another attempt at rebellion. “It turns out that social disconnection has a profound impact on our experiences with God and spiritual community. The connection crisis we’re experiencing at a broader societal level reverberates throughout our spiritual lives.” p. 21, The Connected Life Do you need encouragement to live a fearless story, not a perfect life? Enjoy LOVE IS FEARLESS t-shirts, posters, kitchen towels, canvas bags, and stickers to inspire yourself and those you love. Visit the Janet Newberry collection at Stay inspired by . You'll receive Janet's newsletter delivered to your inbox twice a month. Find daily inspiration on social media - and on Facebook. Together, there is great hope. /episode/index/show/janetnewberry/id/27533121

#115 A New Conversation About Relating With Others and Why It Matters More Than You Think 07/12/2023

#115 A New Conversation About Relating With Others and Why It Matters More Than You Think The connection crisis in our culture is running parallel to the mental illness epidemic in our world - for us and for our children. The crisis is more than what we see when we notice families sharing a table while all staring at their phones. Connection is not a personal preference or a check off on our to-do list. It's a human need. Without it, we get sick. The real crisis started more than a generation before smartphones kidnapped our attention and we didn't bother to fight our captors. For all of us, the challenge to connect in healthy relationships began before we were born. By the time we learned to talk, we'd already been following a blueprint for relationships, for better or worse. Psychologists call these blueprints "attachment styles." Insecure attachment styles have more power over what we choose to ignore or obey than the rules we know but don't follow. There's not enough behavior modification or willpower to revise an insecure attachment style, but love can do what hard work and self-effort can't. Love can help us find the limiting beliefs hidden in our earliest stories and teach us to tell ourselves truer stories - of freedom, not captivity. Listen in as Doug and Janet start a new conversation about Todd W. Hall's book, . TAKEAWAYS: Are we offering our children a life Jesus set them free from? What is the impact on their stories? Love is the stuff of connection, growth, healing, and transformation. Fear is the stuff of disconnection, prolonged immaturity, mental and physical illness, and conformity. A “Love Is Fearless Home” is a goal worthy to be your family’s rallying cry. Connect with us to plan a John 15 Academy retreat for your small group. We’ll sit with you in new conversations about the connection crisis in our culture and the healing love offers in your home. We’ll balance comfort and challenge in new conversations that help you find the limiting beliefs standing in the way of your family’s healing story. Email us at or . We mention these resources in this episode: by Janet Newberry by Dr. Caroline Leaf by Hannah Hurnard /episode/index/show/janetnewberry/id/27425265

#114 A Conversation About Learning How to Relate to Yourself 06/28/2023

#114 A Conversation About Learning How to Relate to Yourself LOVE IS FEARLESS is having a birthday! Born on July 4, 2018, LIF has been downloaded in over 60 countries and is transforming families worldwide. Share this episode to help us celebrate! In this Season 4 episode sharing new conversations about transformational books, Doug and Janet talk about - and the power of connection in childhood. As parents, we teach our children how they should be treated - for better or worse. Then our children teach others how to treat them, using the blueprint we've given them. If we teach our children we don't have time or energy for their emotions, they will learn that lesson in relation to themselves - and teach others their emotions are not worthy of time and energy. When children experience secure, transformational relationships, it's possible to develop a healthy brain and nervous system. But when children experience disconnected, transactional relationships, children are required to cope, simply to succeed. Coping causes adaptations that, long term, can lead to mental illness. Janet's book gives parents and educators practical ideas about how to enjoy transformational relationships and where to start with both younger and older children. Doug and Janet leave listeners with many inspirational ideas and these TAKEAWAYS: Transformation is not the same as success, measured by traditional standards. Transformation is internal and success is external. "If those we trust meet our real needs, we'll grow strong because we trust their direction and correction. If those we trust don't meet our real needs, we'll grow older, but not more satisfied." (p. 52, ) Our children's primary need is to experience love, not success. Love will mature them, and can help them be successful - in healthy relationships, not at the expense of them." (p. 12, ) We mention these resources: Visit one of the parent paths on to download a free book study guide for you and your spouse or small group. !!! Thanks to our partnership with Jana Dickson, a portion of the proceeds from the will benefit - We help families live in transformational relationships so children can live loved instead of afraid. Please visit our website to find abundant resources available at no charge. Please pray about becoming a part of our - Subscribe to to get merch discount coupons only available to subscribers! Together, there is great hope. /episode/index/show/janetnewberry/id/27141240

#113 A Conversation About Life and Loss with Dan Herod 06/14/2023

#112 A Conversation About Family, Faith, and Forgiveness with David Zailer 06/03/2023

#111 A Gift To the Class of 2023 05/15/2023

#110 A Conversation About Safe Relationships 05/01/2023

#110 A Conversation About Safe Relationships A safe relationship is different from a good relationship because a safe person is different from a good person. When we experience good relationships with good people, we are influenced by their goodness, but often it is the kind of "good" that's evident because of their success. They have good jobs, make a good salary, drive a good car, and wear the latest "good" shoes. When we experience safe relationships with safe people, we are influenced by the way they care for themselves and others and the way they let others care for them, too. Safe people help us grow. They can help us heal and mature. Mature people don't struggle to be good, but immature people who make good money sometimes struggle to show they care for themselves or others. If you're a child in a home with good parents who aren't well equipped to care, your maturity is going to be stunted at the level of their immaturity, no matter how good your grades are or how many points you score in your next tournament. Join us for a conversation about , a great book about the power of safe relationships in our own homes. Linger in these takeaways - "Whether we are reacting to our parents, planning to be parents, overwhelmed at being parents, or learning to stand with our kids as they now parent, we need to know there is a way home. A way to be convinced God is in the middle of every stage of our family." Maturity happens when we abide in secure relationships, not by trying to be good all the time. In the moments when shame is most painful for our children, we get the opportunity to show up as their ally instead of their enemy. "When your children are young, being the parent carries enough control to handle them. But if you don't grow up as they grow older, your immaturity will stunt their maturity at the level of your own. And no measure of control can handle that." We mention these resources in this episode - Big news!!! LOVE IS FEARLESS t-shirts are now available on . Thank you to our new friends who are donating a portion of their profits from the merch on the Love Is Fearless page of their website to help support John 15 Academy. Go check it out, y'all! by John and Stacey Lynch, Grace and Bill Thrall, and Bruce and Janet McNicol. Support John 15 Academy by visiting /episode/index/show/janetnewberry/id/26699913

#109 A Conversation About Living a Vulnerable Life 04/03/2023

#108 What if we don't call them bloopers? 03/08/2023

#108 What if we don't call them bloopers? This is our first-ever BONUS episode! As we launch Season Four we're promising great conversations about books and authors that love us well. We're admitting that books are some of our best friends and we're excited about introducing you to some of the best. We're also committing to at least one new episode every month. While we're fundraising for John 15 Academy and Doug is still working full-time, we know we can be true to that commitment. Maybe you never thought about it much, but podcasting takes a lot of time. And it can be expensive, too. So we're balancing our real needs with our passion to offer you episodes that are not just good, but good FOR you! We'd rather underpromise and over-deliver than the other way around. If you've been with us for over 100 episodes, you know us very well. But you still may have some questions about what's going on in our story right now. And, if you haven't been with us since the beginning, you may be really confused when we talk about our Airstream journey, my book, or John 15 Academy. So thanks for listening to our bonus episode. We're telling some great stories about all the twists and turns we've experienced on this trusting God road. We can either laugh about all the mistakes and celebrate the miracles, or we can feel ashamed. But ashamed is what we learned in a culture of fear, not a culture of love. Together, there is great hope. This bonus episode offers two takeaways and lots of resources: Do you need help? Over the past 10 years, we've developed great resources to help families, marriages, and educators connect and reconnect in their most sacred relationships. Visit and to find access to these resources at no charge. Will you help us? Redeeming childhood in our country and in our world is our passion and our destiny. We can't do it alone and we're excited about you getting excited about redeeming childhood, too. Here are 5 simple ways you can contribute in a significant way: (1) Share this episode. Help us share the hope that love brings to children's stories. (2) (3) Plan a retreat. Contact us at or and we'll share some amazing transformation stories from retreats we've hosted and start planning yours. (4) Talk to your pastor and your mission committee at your church. Invite us to share how we can create a hunger for the love of God in children's lives by changing the way they're experiencing childhood. It's easier than you may think! (5) . We're excited about how God will lead you to be a part of making "love one another" practical in our world. One more resource that may be helpful to you: by Janet Newberry Together, there is great hope. /episode/index/show/janetnewberry/id/26158755

#107 A Conversation About Unconditional Love 03/06/2023

#106: How Love Meets Our Need For Acceptance 04/06/2022

#106: How Love Meets Our Need For Acceptance When we sit with the weight of the truth that LOVE IS A PROCESS OF MEETING NEEDS, we are reminded that if we’re going to love someone, that means we’re going to: Notice their needs and do what is in our power and capacity to meet those needs so that the one we love can live in truth, and can experience personal growth and emotional healing. Intentionally build a relationship of trust with the person we care about so they will let us love them. When we sit with the weight of that truth, it also reminds us that if WE are going to experience love, that means we’re going to: Recognize our own needs and let God and others love me so I can live in truth and I can participate in my own maturity and my own healing. Be willing to trust others in the places I am vulnerable—places like unresolved issues, immature habits, ways of relating I learned in survival mode… The takeaways in this episode are powerful: 1. What does it mean that love meets our need for acceptance with unearned love? It means that we don’t have to measure up. It frees us from the need to simply be compliant and do what you want me to do so you will accept me. It means I can have unresolved issues and you’re not going anywhere. 2. Loved unconditionally doesn’t mean I don’t own my impact and influence in a relationship. It means that I can be real and honest and vulnerable and I will not be judged or shamed or threatened with abandonment. 3. When I experience the love that stays with me, my unresolved issues begin to resolve…and I participate in my healing. When I experience protection from shame, I start believing the truth about myself and that truth becomes obvious in my behavior. And when the truth of who I am in Christ becomes obvious in my behavior, you get to experience the love that meets your needs too, even when your behavior doesn’t earn it. We mention these resources in this episode: by Henri Nouwen A movie -- /episode/index/show/janetnewberry/id/22687280

#105: How Faithful Love Offers Us Hope 03/30/2022

#104: How Love Meets Our Need for Significance 03/23/2022

LOVE IS FEARLESS

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